Author's Note: Wow! I really want to thank all of you for your overwhelmingly wonderful reviews! And so many of them! God, I LOVE you!! One of you was sweet enough to care about *my* state of being, and I would just like to reassure you all, that I am simply the author, and while I have plenty to build upon to create this story, I don't draw upon self-experience when it comes to Hermione's mental state, or the loss of her parents. I decided that I've got to put Ron and Harry into the story more, and make sure they are portrayed as the good people they are...anyways, I'm sure you'll understand everything once you get reading and if you're still reading this author's note, I command you stop, because it's worthless blabber. Oh, and, obviously, none of the characters are my own. But the plot is.
DEFEATED WE RISE
Chapter Three: Tell Me Your Story
After taking several secret passages even Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony and Prongs hadn't known about, I had gotten safely back to the Gryffindor common room and only had to tell a few lies before being safely in my room. I was quietly going over the days' platonic events, I certainly had plenty to mull upon. It was then that I heard the small rap-a-tap-tap on my door. I recognized it as Ron's usually boisterous knock much quieted down.
For a moment I felt like pretending to be asleep, but I knew it was awfully kind of him to take time out from his hectic schedule (which consisted of Quidditch, Lavender, Quidditch, Lavender, and more Lavender, with an occasional side of schoolwork) and come check on me. He had been out with Harry practicing their newest Quidditch techniques when I had returned, leaving me only to deal with Ginny's worried glances and occasional stuttering questions.
"Yes?"
"Er, Mione, can I come in for a moment?"
"Sure, Ron." I threw back the covers I had been hiding under and trudged over to the door, which I kept locked at all times. I pulled back the lock and let him in with a little half-smile.
He grinned and came in, and then just sort of stood there, his hands deep in his pockets, his eyes glued to the floor. Then he abruptly looked up and said, "So what happened this morning? Ginny told me that you had spent most of the afternoon talking with McGonnagal. Are you alright?"
I motioned for him to sit down on my bed, next to me. He gratefully did so, and then looked at me with his periwinkle-blue eyes, in a most concerned and searching manner.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess." I paused. I wasn't, and he knew it. "No, I'm not alright. I-well, McGonnagal helped, you know, by listening to me, but...oh, I dunno, Ron!" I sighed in exasperation.
He reached over and enveloped me in a hug, and started telling me about his day, which was, clearly, his way of trying to help me feel better.
"Today Hagrid came back from visiting Maxime, and, oh, 'Mione, you wouldn't believe it! He brought another hippogriff with him, and ooh, I wish Malfoy had been there! I would've loved to see the look on his face, but he was gone all day. Not that I minded. I just thought it was a little weird, you know, and I didn't particularly appreciate Pansy's snarling looks our way. Wonder what that was about...Harry and I figured out this new move, it's a bit like the Wronski feint, only, it's a little bit harder, and it'll probably be the death of Malfoy, thank god. Oh...and Lavi and I...we, well, things didn't work out so well..."
I wished he would stop mentioning Draco. Naturally, he hadn't realized that this would affect me in the least. I was a little preoccupied but it felt good to be the comforting friend for a change, so I 'Oh, Ron'd!' him, and I cooed, and told him it was for the best, and I gathered the knowledge that she had broken it off with him. I knew he wouldn't have broken it off with her, he was too attached, but I had seen the way she looked at a certain Hufflepuff seventh year.
"Listen, 'Mione, I'm really worried about you. You look as if you've lost almost twenty pounds! You never come to meals, and when you do, you rarely eat. You've lost all interest in your schoolwork, and..." He paused and looked me square in the face before continuing. "I know I haven't been the best friend as of late, and I'm really sorry, and I swear I'll make it up to you, and I know I'm not the most observant guy-"
I snorted at this. Understatement.
"-But, listen...thatwristofyourssimplyisn'tgettingbetter! It's a new bandage, there are more cuts. 'Mione, I know you've lost your parents. I know your world has been shattered and I know that I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it all must be...but for your own sake, Christ, for everyone's sake, this has got to stop!"
"I know, Ron, I know..." I sobbed onto his shoulder. I took a deep breath and continued. "And I'm trying. I really am. I don't like the state of my wrists any more than you do! I just...oh, you simply wouldn't understand!"
"Try me." I had never seen him in so much earnest before, or so serious. His mothering abilities, the few characteristics he got from his mum, were becoming wonderfully apparent in this moment.
"Well...you see, Ron...my parents didn't shed any blood in their deaths. I feel this insane urge to avenge their death, with, if not my own blood, someone else's! And that's simply too dangerous. I, well, can't go around attacking people when I'm upset, now can I?"
"Nor can you attack yourself! 'Mione, be like Harry. Take a leaf out of his book, and avenge all evil with your strength! Don't let them see you weak!"
I laughed. Don't let them see you weak. They? Draco. Know thy enemy. I knew him, and somehow, I was embracing him. I was at his mercy. I was an idiot. Take a page from Harry's book indeed. "Harry has some awesome courage, Ron. You've no idea."
"Harry didn't know his parents, 'Mione. You've got every right in the world to be sad, to be angry, to feel weak. But next time, will you come talk to me? I wanna help you, k?"
"Alright..." I got up and gave him a hug, and he patted my back, and I knew, while he didn't say it, that he really did love me, and that he was there for me. But still...something was lacking...
"Listen, why don't you wash your face up and come down for supper? I'll save you a seat, hmm?"
"Sure. I'll be down in a few minutes..." I gave him a slightly stronger smile, simply so that he would feel like he had truly helped me, even if I didn't really feel like he had.
As he shut my door I noticed the insistent tapping on my windowsill. An owl was impatiently waiting.
I walked over and let the owl in. It was a magnificent, shiny, purply-black owl, with large, greenish eyes, and awesome talons. The letter was attached to its leg with silver and green ribbon, and bore the mark of Slytherin. I untied the letter, and the owl flew off, not accepting any payment. It was clearly Draco's.
I unwound the letter, which was wrapped in a very old and traditional wizarding fashion, rather than the contemporary muggle way, of envelopes. It was written in deep green ink, and in the meticulously neat handwriting of Draco Malfoy.
Granger-
Meet me in the Tower promptly after dinner. I expect you to go to dinner, and to eat. Eat until you are full, and bring a thick cloak or blanket with you to the Tower.
D. Malfoy
It was short and characteristically like him. Ordering me around! I twisted the letter in my hands nervously. I wasn't sure why I was even trusting him. He was a self-admitted Death Eater, he was my enemy, and while he swore he wasn't there to witness my parent's death, it really should be his mission to be killing me right about now, since I am a 'mudblood'. I knew why I was trusting him. He was enigmatic, he was persuasive, and he had been the one to 'save' me. Somehow, Draco Malfoy had fallen into the 'hero' role, and, as quite often happens, I had fallen almost happily into the 'damsel in distress' part of the deal. The only problem with that was that, first off, he was about as far from a hero as one could get, and, two, I was rarely a damsel in distress. It was all very twisted and I knew that if I was confused he must be too, and I couldn't help but wonder where his loyalties lay most. If they lay mainly with his father and Voldemort, as it appeared, I was surely as good as dead.
However, I dutifully went to wash my face, as Ron had prescribed, and then I went down to dinner with a glaze in my eyes, and, with absolutely no zest whatsoever, began to shovel food into my mouth until I thought I would burst. I didn't even realize what I was eating, until George burst out angrily,
"Hermione! You just ate all of our berry pudding! I really wanted a bit of that!"
I looked at him confused, looked down at the empty platter in front of me, shrugged my shoulders and said, "There always is more, isn't there?" as I got up from the table to leave. Had I been paying closer attention I would have noticed the way Harry's eyes followed me out of the hall, as they had followed Draco only a moment before. But I wasn't.
*
I was nervously pacing the Tower, waiting for her to arrive. I wasn't sure where I stood, why I was being the greatest idiot alive at the moment, and why I felt compelled in the first place to help her. I heard her footsteps, and stopped pacing. She came into view, red cloak billowing behind her. I nodded hello.
She came and stood next to me and I wondered why I had asked her to come.
"So what'd you want to see me about?"
I looked over at her, face illuminated by the waning half-moon.
"Sit down."
She sat, and I followed suit.
"Listen, Granger, I guess I wanted to help you draw up a...plan. To help you fight the demons that are lurking."
"That's sweet of you." She looked at me with a deadpan face, then, when she noticed I was not in a laughing mood, zoned off and began to stare nonchalantly at the moon. "Why does it wane?"
"Because everything runs in a cycle. It reaches the top and then must go down again. Surely you knew that, Granger?"
"Of course. I just wonder how it knows when it's reached the bottom and when to go up again."
"You've got to get your cycle going up again."
"What if it isn't time?"
"It is."
"How do you know?"
"Because I say it is."
"Malfoy, don't we wish the world were that simple?"
"It is. If you believe something strongly enough, you can create it. If you look at the world through rose colored glasses, the world will be rosy. If you cover your eyes, you will see no world. If you decided you're sick of being upset and angry, you can change that. But only if you want to."
She cocked her head and looked at me, contemplating something. "But whether the world is rosy or non-existent to you, it's still there, and it's still the same world. I can see where you're coming from, but the world is the world is the world. There are things that are as unchangeable as night and day and the moon and sun. I know that if I wish to change my state of being, I can, so I guess you're sort of right. I'll admit that much. But there's something I just don't understand. If you believe all this, why do you do what you do? Isn't there another way? Can't you change that, too?"
"Granger, maybe there is another way. But you've got to understand that there is a lot I've been raised to believe. Most of it, I agree with. I hate muggles and mudbloods. Yes, I hate you! I fucking hate you, alright? It's not going to change! Being on the inside, I know exactly why they do the things they do. Yes, I knew your parents were earmarked to die. I disagreed with that. Because they were killed to get at you, who in turn would get at Potter. I knew it wouldn't work, but I'm still a novice. So now you're destroyed and Potter's fine, and if there is anything in the world that I hate more than you, more than your kind, it's Potter. So I've got to save you. So I will."
"Malfoy, it sounds like you need more help than I do."
I snorted and sneered at her. She was really very naïve. She continued on.
"You hate me, so why don't you just kill me and get me out of the way? I can guarantee that that will affect Harry. So why is it that you save me instead? There's more to this than you're willing to let on."
"Wrong again, Granger. Maybe I will just kill you. I thought you might appreciate it if I tried alternate methods first." I sneered again.
"Yeah, yeah, Malfoy, stuff it up. I really don't have time to deal with this. If you want to help me, then you've got to let me understand you, otherwise I'll never, ever trust you."
"One month, Granger."
"Tell me your story."
A/N: Alright, it's a little bit short, and it's still a cliffie, but I just had to stop there...mainly because I can't afford to write anymore tonight, because I've got homework overload and while I am a procrastinator...it's got to get done. Now, I've done my part, you do yours, and REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!
~*Peace*~
DEFEATED WE RISE
Chapter Three: Tell Me Your Story
After taking several secret passages even Wormtail, Padfoot, Moony and Prongs hadn't known about, I had gotten safely back to the Gryffindor common room and only had to tell a few lies before being safely in my room. I was quietly going over the days' platonic events, I certainly had plenty to mull upon. It was then that I heard the small rap-a-tap-tap on my door. I recognized it as Ron's usually boisterous knock much quieted down.
For a moment I felt like pretending to be asleep, but I knew it was awfully kind of him to take time out from his hectic schedule (which consisted of Quidditch, Lavender, Quidditch, Lavender, and more Lavender, with an occasional side of schoolwork) and come check on me. He had been out with Harry practicing their newest Quidditch techniques when I had returned, leaving me only to deal with Ginny's worried glances and occasional stuttering questions.
"Yes?"
"Er, Mione, can I come in for a moment?"
"Sure, Ron." I threw back the covers I had been hiding under and trudged over to the door, which I kept locked at all times. I pulled back the lock and let him in with a little half-smile.
He grinned and came in, and then just sort of stood there, his hands deep in his pockets, his eyes glued to the floor. Then he abruptly looked up and said, "So what happened this morning? Ginny told me that you had spent most of the afternoon talking with McGonnagal. Are you alright?"
I motioned for him to sit down on my bed, next to me. He gratefully did so, and then looked at me with his periwinkle-blue eyes, in a most concerned and searching manner.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess." I paused. I wasn't, and he knew it. "No, I'm not alright. I-well, McGonnagal helped, you know, by listening to me, but...oh, I dunno, Ron!" I sighed in exasperation.
He reached over and enveloped me in a hug, and started telling me about his day, which was, clearly, his way of trying to help me feel better.
"Today Hagrid came back from visiting Maxime, and, oh, 'Mione, you wouldn't believe it! He brought another hippogriff with him, and ooh, I wish Malfoy had been there! I would've loved to see the look on his face, but he was gone all day. Not that I minded. I just thought it was a little weird, you know, and I didn't particularly appreciate Pansy's snarling looks our way. Wonder what that was about...Harry and I figured out this new move, it's a bit like the Wronski feint, only, it's a little bit harder, and it'll probably be the death of Malfoy, thank god. Oh...and Lavi and I...we, well, things didn't work out so well..."
I wished he would stop mentioning Draco. Naturally, he hadn't realized that this would affect me in the least. I was a little preoccupied but it felt good to be the comforting friend for a change, so I 'Oh, Ron'd!' him, and I cooed, and told him it was for the best, and I gathered the knowledge that she had broken it off with him. I knew he wouldn't have broken it off with her, he was too attached, but I had seen the way she looked at a certain Hufflepuff seventh year.
"Listen, 'Mione, I'm really worried about you. You look as if you've lost almost twenty pounds! You never come to meals, and when you do, you rarely eat. You've lost all interest in your schoolwork, and..." He paused and looked me square in the face before continuing. "I know I haven't been the best friend as of late, and I'm really sorry, and I swear I'll make it up to you, and I know I'm not the most observant guy-"
I snorted at this. Understatement.
"-But, listen...thatwristofyourssimplyisn'tgettingbetter! It's a new bandage, there are more cuts. 'Mione, I know you've lost your parents. I know your world has been shattered and I know that I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it all must be...but for your own sake, Christ, for everyone's sake, this has got to stop!"
"I know, Ron, I know..." I sobbed onto his shoulder. I took a deep breath and continued. "And I'm trying. I really am. I don't like the state of my wrists any more than you do! I just...oh, you simply wouldn't understand!"
"Try me." I had never seen him in so much earnest before, or so serious. His mothering abilities, the few characteristics he got from his mum, were becoming wonderfully apparent in this moment.
"Well...you see, Ron...my parents didn't shed any blood in their deaths. I feel this insane urge to avenge their death, with, if not my own blood, someone else's! And that's simply too dangerous. I, well, can't go around attacking people when I'm upset, now can I?"
"Nor can you attack yourself! 'Mione, be like Harry. Take a leaf out of his book, and avenge all evil with your strength! Don't let them see you weak!"
I laughed. Don't let them see you weak. They? Draco. Know thy enemy. I knew him, and somehow, I was embracing him. I was at his mercy. I was an idiot. Take a page from Harry's book indeed. "Harry has some awesome courage, Ron. You've no idea."
"Harry didn't know his parents, 'Mione. You've got every right in the world to be sad, to be angry, to feel weak. But next time, will you come talk to me? I wanna help you, k?"
"Alright..." I got up and gave him a hug, and he patted my back, and I knew, while he didn't say it, that he really did love me, and that he was there for me. But still...something was lacking...
"Listen, why don't you wash your face up and come down for supper? I'll save you a seat, hmm?"
"Sure. I'll be down in a few minutes..." I gave him a slightly stronger smile, simply so that he would feel like he had truly helped me, even if I didn't really feel like he had.
As he shut my door I noticed the insistent tapping on my windowsill. An owl was impatiently waiting.
I walked over and let the owl in. It was a magnificent, shiny, purply-black owl, with large, greenish eyes, and awesome talons. The letter was attached to its leg with silver and green ribbon, and bore the mark of Slytherin. I untied the letter, and the owl flew off, not accepting any payment. It was clearly Draco's.
I unwound the letter, which was wrapped in a very old and traditional wizarding fashion, rather than the contemporary muggle way, of envelopes. It was written in deep green ink, and in the meticulously neat handwriting of Draco Malfoy.
Granger-
Meet me in the Tower promptly after dinner. I expect you to go to dinner, and to eat. Eat until you are full, and bring a thick cloak or blanket with you to the Tower.
D. Malfoy
It was short and characteristically like him. Ordering me around! I twisted the letter in my hands nervously. I wasn't sure why I was even trusting him. He was a self-admitted Death Eater, he was my enemy, and while he swore he wasn't there to witness my parent's death, it really should be his mission to be killing me right about now, since I am a 'mudblood'. I knew why I was trusting him. He was enigmatic, he was persuasive, and he had been the one to 'save' me. Somehow, Draco Malfoy had fallen into the 'hero' role, and, as quite often happens, I had fallen almost happily into the 'damsel in distress' part of the deal. The only problem with that was that, first off, he was about as far from a hero as one could get, and, two, I was rarely a damsel in distress. It was all very twisted and I knew that if I was confused he must be too, and I couldn't help but wonder where his loyalties lay most. If they lay mainly with his father and Voldemort, as it appeared, I was surely as good as dead.
However, I dutifully went to wash my face, as Ron had prescribed, and then I went down to dinner with a glaze in my eyes, and, with absolutely no zest whatsoever, began to shovel food into my mouth until I thought I would burst. I didn't even realize what I was eating, until George burst out angrily,
"Hermione! You just ate all of our berry pudding! I really wanted a bit of that!"
I looked at him confused, looked down at the empty platter in front of me, shrugged my shoulders and said, "There always is more, isn't there?" as I got up from the table to leave. Had I been paying closer attention I would have noticed the way Harry's eyes followed me out of the hall, as they had followed Draco only a moment before. But I wasn't.
*
I was nervously pacing the Tower, waiting for her to arrive. I wasn't sure where I stood, why I was being the greatest idiot alive at the moment, and why I felt compelled in the first place to help her. I heard her footsteps, and stopped pacing. She came into view, red cloak billowing behind her. I nodded hello.
She came and stood next to me and I wondered why I had asked her to come.
"So what'd you want to see me about?"
I looked over at her, face illuminated by the waning half-moon.
"Sit down."
She sat, and I followed suit.
"Listen, Granger, I guess I wanted to help you draw up a...plan. To help you fight the demons that are lurking."
"That's sweet of you." She looked at me with a deadpan face, then, when she noticed I was not in a laughing mood, zoned off and began to stare nonchalantly at the moon. "Why does it wane?"
"Because everything runs in a cycle. It reaches the top and then must go down again. Surely you knew that, Granger?"
"Of course. I just wonder how it knows when it's reached the bottom and when to go up again."
"You've got to get your cycle going up again."
"What if it isn't time?"
"It is."
"How do you know?"
"Because I say it is."
"Malfoy, don't we wish the world were that simple?"
"It is. If you believe something strongly enough, you can create it. If you look at the world through rose colored glasses, the world will be rosy. If you cover your eyes, you will see no world. If you decided you're sick of being upset and angry, you can change that. But only if you want to."
She cocked her head and looked at me, contemplating something. "But whether the world is rosy or non-existent to you, it's still there, and it's still the same world. I can see where you're coming from, but the world is the world is the world. There are things that are as unchangeable as night and day and the moon and sun. I know that if I wish to change my state of being, I can, so I guess you're sort of right. I'll admit that much. But there's something I just don't understand. If you believe all this, why do you do what you do? Isn't there another way? Can't you change that, too?"
"Granger, maybe there is another way. But you've got to understand that there is a lot I've been raised to believe. Most of it, I agree with. I hate muggles and mudbloods. Yes, I hate you! I fucking hate you, alright? It's not going to change! Being on the inside, I know exactly why they do the things they do. Yes, I knew your parents were earmarked to die. I disagreed with that. Because they were killed to get at you, who in turn would get at Potter. I knew it wouldn't work, but I'm still a novice. So now you're destroyed and Potter's fine, and if there is anything in the world that I hate more than you, more than your kind, it's Potter. So I've got to save you. So I will."
"Malfoy, it sounds like you need more help than I do."
I snorted and sneered at her. She was really very naïve. She continued on.
"You hate me, so why don't you just kill me and get me out of the way? I can guarantee that that will affect Harry. So why is it that you save me instead? There's more to this than you're willing to let on."
"Wrong again, Granger. Maybe I will just kill you. I thought you might appreciate it if I tried alternate methods first." I sneered again.
"Yeah, yeah, Malfoy, stuff it up. I really don't have time to deal with this. If you want to help me, then you've got to let me understand you, otherwise I'll never, ever trust you."
"One month, Granger."
"Tell me your story."
A/N: Alright, it's a little bit short, and it's still a cliffie, but I just had to stop there...mainly because I can't afford to write anymore tonight, because I've got homework overload and while I am a procrastinator...it's got to get done. Now, I've done my part, you do yours, and REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!
~*Peace*~