A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  2002! I wanted to thank everyone for reviewing chapter nine, and decided to do so by getting chapter ten up as soon as possible…and making it extra long, since chapter nine was so short. As always, J.K. Rowling is the original genius behind it all…I just own my plot, and Leona Naess is the wonderful artist behind the song lyrics printed below (from her song 'Boys Like You') Enjoy!!!

DEFEATED WE RISE

CHAPTER TEN: Boys Like You Don't Cry

'My baby's gone and everybody knows

The fever hit me in my fingers and through

my toes

This baby's gone and boy you know it shows

This baby's gone

Will I see you again?

When I knew you my heart was in bends

And I know I never said goodbye

But boys like you don't ever, ever cry…'

            I woke with a start. Where was I? The light poured down on me, a few birds sang, and the snow glowed bright silver. Then I closed my eyes and smiled as the memories flooded back. Draco…

            The notion that he loved me grew stronger with every moment I lay there. I stretched my arms out to him…only to feel mattress and more mattress. He must have gotten up for breakfast. Of course. I sat up and looked around. No Draco. I glanced at my watch. It was only half past six. Breakfast hadn't even started yet. Panicking I stood up, only to clutch at myself when I realized I was still half nude. I saw the robes at the edge of the bed and bent to pick one up. As I was standing up I saw a note left on the bed for me. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. My heart pounded this message over and over, but my mind, damn it's logical nature, told me it was over, he was gone, he had left me alone. Alone, all fucking alone.

            I threw the robe over myself, breathing in his scent as I did so. I clung to the robe, afraid to read what his note said. Get a hold of yourself, Hermoine. You're strong enough for whatever it says. You know he loves you, anyways. Didn't he tell you that? With a pang I realized that I had never actually heard him say those three little words, I just automatically assumed…never assume with a Malfoy.

            Fingers, hand, arm, shaking, I bent to pick up the scroll left lying where his head should have been. I slipped the green ribbon off, threw one last prayer up to a God I was becoming more and more certain actually did hate me, and unfurled the parchment.

                        Hermione,

            Not 'Dear Hermoine', not 'love', no 'darling,' only 'Hermione'. Oh, God…

It all poured out then. I cried and deciphered his cold lines.

            'I regret to inform you that my loyalties were tested, and that my loyalty lies most greatly with my left forearm and the Mark emblazoned there.'

           

            Then I reached for my amulet. It was gone. Draco? He wouldn't have…how could he? How could you ever expect him to love you, when his whole life he called you a Mudblood and told you himself he would always hate you and your like? The voice in the back of my head stung and brought me slowly to my knees.

            'I want you to know that I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you, when I told you I found you irresistibly beautiful, when I told you that you were the smartest witch I knew.'

           

            But did he tell you he loved you? Did he call you beautiful?

            "Just fucking shut up! I love him…I love him…" I was yelling at myself and I didn't care…I loved a Death Eater and he…he loved me, too. Only, his love wasn't strong enough.

            'But I want you to know that I will always be cold, I will always be ruthless, I will always have power as my mistress. So I thank you for the light you brought to my life for the last few months and I thank you for the amulet you brought to my Master.'

            "The amulet I brought to your Master? Fuck you, Draco Malfoy! You know I'd never, ever, ever…"

            You knew he was a Death Eater. You were perfectly aware that you were putting the entire wizarding world in jeopardy. Don't deny it.

           

            'Rest assured that your life will be spared, and if you ever come to the realization that you are on the losing end of the battle and wish to cross over, simply come to my door and, since you have given us the token of world domination and an immortal Master, I am sure we can accept you within our circle even though you have a rather unfortunate blood line.'

            "You're the biggest bastard I've ever…loved…and I'll have you know that I will never, ever, EVER join you and that miserable shit you call 'Master'! But I'll also have you know, Draco Malfoy, you're the only boy I'll ever…" I bent over, clutching the letter, and, as many times that I told myself I wouldn't cry over someone so worthless, someone who had caused me so much pain, I felt the hot liquid pouring out of my eyes and succumbed to my emotion.

'" as a…boy…and as a human, when I look into your eyes I see boy to girl, not pureblood to mudblood. I see equal to equal, because you're the only person I've ever met who can challenge my wit. And I figure if I let that die, I'd be awfully bored."'

                        Memories choked out the tears and made a small smile sit on my mouth as I choked, bent over, overcome by the memories…

                        '"I just was coming to tell you it's been a month."

            I looked up at him. I looked at my arms, which were covered in little silvery scars, but had no new gashes. I had gone back to living relatively normally, and I mainly had him to thank.

            I knew that I would be bringing parts of my nightmare into existence by going forth with this, but somehow, I felt that I would lose more should I hold back.

            He had gotten up to leave.

            "Draco…" He turned around and looked questioningly at me. "Please don't go."'

            I admitted to myself that it was all my fault. Everything was my fault. I had initiated the entire thing. Hermione, that annoying voice in my head spoke to me, you know you'd be worse off if none of it had ever happened, so be thankful for that. Now stand up, take a deep breath, brush yourself off, get rid of the mattress and everything, and go down to breakfast.

            Numbly I stood up. My legs were shaky, I was weak. The mattress turned back into twigs, the blankets to pebbles, and I was left with a note, our ripped robes, and a quill with the Malfoy name on it. I broke it in half.

            I walked slowly to breakfast, knowing I looked frightful, smiling slightly as the memories continued to wash over me. Consequently, I didn't notice the familiar footsteps of Professor Snape coming up behind me until it was too late.

            "Miss Granger, what on earth are you doing wandering around the Castle, and in these parts, before breakfast hours?"

            "It's not breakfast time yet, Professor?"

            "No, Miss Granger, it most certainly is not. It's not even seven o'clock yet, and you know perfectly well that breakfast doesn't start until half past. What on earth are you trying to hide from me?"

            "N-nothing, Professor, I must have read my watch wrong, I'll just be going back to the Gryffindor—"

            He looked at me suspiciously and then cut me off. "Miss Granger, may I read that piece of parchment you are so carefully trying to hide?" He phrased it as a question, but I knew it was a demand.

            "Professor, it really isn't necessary. Draco's gone and that's all…"

            "Draco?"

            "Well, you know, Malfoy…" Shit.

            Suddenly his glare softened somewhat, and he said, in an almost comforting manner, "Miss Granger, why don't you make your way down to the breakfast hall, I'm certain the house elves will only be too happy to provide you with an early breakfast. Then, if you feel up to it, I believe a few faculty members may wish to have a word with you."

            "Yes, Professor. Thank you."

            He merely nodded his head at me and stalked off down the corridor, rounding the corner with a final swish of his black cloak.

***

            "Yes, Severus? What may I do for you this early in the morning?" I tugged the sleep cap off of my head and put on my half-moon spectacles, peering down my nose at a very worried Severus Snape.

            "Albus, have you been in contact with Lucius Malfoy recently?"

            "Yes, I have…he came here a week ago and informed me that Draco would be transferring to Durmstrang. Didn't you know?"

            "Did he give you any specific reasons?"

            "Only his usual complaints upon how this school is run, although I fear there may be more to it."

            "So do I…"

***

            I wasn't really hungry, but I didn't particularly look forward to speaking with the Headmaster about Draco…especially since the little bastard had so cleverly left absolutely no proof that it had been him. He had even erased his fingerprints.

            Giving up on my oatmeal, I gathered my things up and headed for Dumbledore's office.

            "Umm…Peppermints? Chocolate frogs? Lemon twists? Ooh…mint chocolate bon bon's?" The gargoyle slowly slid open, admitting me passage. When I reached the top of the stairs, I was surprised to find the door open, and McGonnagal, Snape, and Dumbledore looking soberly back at me.

            Dumbledore motioned for me to come in and take a seat. He smiled wanly at me.

            "Dear Miss Granger…Severus told me that somehow you knew of Mister Malfoy's departure even before most of the faculty did…would you enlighten us as to why this was?"

            "I…well, I only knew this morning…"

            "Very early in the morning." Snape interjected.

            Dumbledore held up a hand. "Severus, I am asking Miss Granger to tell us her version of events. Please wait your turn."

            "I can't…I'm sorry. Where did he go?" Even though he had so thoroughly betrayed me, I couldn't betray him…I couldn't do it.

            "He was supposed to transfer to Durmstrang, Miss Granger, although it wasn't supposed to happen for another week…Professors Snape and McGonnagal, perhaps I should talk to Miss Granger alone." They got up and exited silently. "I know your parents death was a very difficult thing for you to cope with. And I know, as wonderful as Misters Potter and Weasely are, they didn't have a clue as to helping you through your grief. Now, I observe this school, but when students are being secretive, I'm very prone to miss things. My observance was that you and Mister Malfoy became friends of sorts. Am I correct?"

            "Yes…"

            "Perhaps more than friends?"

            "Mmhmm…"

            "Would you object to me reading the letter he left you?"

            "No, only…there's no proof he wrote it, and, oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I honestly didn't mean to!" As I broke down, Dumbledore rose from his desk and came to envelope me in a gentle hug. I recovered myself enough to hand him the letter, wiped the tears from my eyes, and sat up straight, staring ahead into oblivion. If I didn't think, everything would be fine…

            "You believe this to be from Mister Malfoy?"

            "I know it's from him!"

            "Miss Granger, do you love him?"

            "Yes, I do." Dumbledore steeped his fingers together and let a long 'ahhh' escape his mouth as he nodded to himself.

            "What, exactly, was this amulet?"

            "It was the Amulet of Gaia. It was supposed to make it impossible for my enemies to kill me, but if put in the wrong hands, there was a powerful spell of dark magic which would make the wizard who used the spell immortal. Which is why Voldemort wanted it so much."

            "I see that you, like Harry, aren't afraid to say his name."

            "I'm not letting a thing like him destroy me, I'm not letting him scare me! Professor, I'll do everything I can to undo the wrong I've done, I promise. My whole life I've wanted to be a teacher, and since I was eleven I wanted to teach here, but, now…now I'm going to become an Auror, and I swear to you that I will either kill that beast or die trying…"

            "Miss Granger, this is not your fault. You were a pawn in a much larger game and I would much prefer it if you would continue with your plans to educate the young here…"

            "I'm sorry, professor, but I simply can't do that! I can't let him get Harry, Ron, Ron's family! He's done too much to me. I can't just sit back and say, 'oh, that's fine, Voldemort, no, I don't mind that you've taken my love and made him yours, no, I don't mind that you've killed my best friends, no, I don't miss my parents at all, hey, why don't you kill me too?' I'm going to get that amulet back, I swear!"

            "Miss Granger, I beg you that this time you leave it to the adults to handle. Please stay out of this. Promise me that you won't try to fight until you've at least had proper Auror training. Be rational."

            I took a few deep breaths, let some of the fire die within me, and promised him that I would wait.

            "Thank you. Now, I leave it up to you whether you wish to go to the Hospital Wing and recuperate, or go to your classes and get on with life."

            "I'm going to class."

            "I thought so. Don't wear yourself out, Miss Granger, and while there is no proof regarding this letter, I believe you, and I'm very, very sorry that this war had to get between the two of you. I believe Mister Malfoy's intentions were, at least at some point, very honest and very good. Would you like to keep this letter?"

            "Yes, thank you, Professor."

            "You're welcome. You're just in time for double Potions, and I dare say Severus will be a little more understanding today. You deserve a bit of a break. Good luck, Hermione."

            I smiled and rushed to Potions, getting in the door a good five minutes late.

            "Ah, good morning Miss Granger. Please take your seat." Snape gave me his version of an amused smile and I took my seat as the entire class gawked. "Today we will be studying Veritaserum. I trust you all know what this is?"

            A half hour into double Potions we were partnered up and I was with Ron.

            "Where were you? Why did Snape just let you come in late like that?"

            "I had to help the professors with a few things."

            "Did you hear?"

            "Hear what?"

"'Mione, you wouldn't believe it! That slimy git, Malfoy, is gone! He's gone off to Durmstrang! I tell you, he just made my day! Isn't it wonderful?"

             "Yeah, whatever you say, Ron…"

            "Well, aren't you thrilled? I mean, the bastards finally gone!"

            "Sometimes, Ron, things aren't quite as they seem. What looks good can really be bad, and what seems bad can be really good, sometimes."

            "Hermione, what are you trying to say? That you actually wish Malfoy was still here?"

            "Ron, if you knew the whole story, or almost the whole story, like I do, believe me, you'd wish the little bastard was here calling me a mudblood right now. You'd be praying for it."

            "'Mione, is there something you've neglected to tell me? I mean, I know you pretty well, and I normally know everything you know, and you know everything I know, because we're a team, y'know?"

            "Ron…"

            "Miss Granger, Mister Weasely, is there a problem?"

            "No, Professor Snape, Hermione and I are just fi—"

            "Actually, Professor, I apologize for interrupting your class, but do you think I could take Ron and Harry and talk to them for a bit? About, um, you know?"

            "Miss Granger, as important as the matter is to you, I cannot simply let you take my class time up, and would not, under normal circumstances, ever let you do so. However, as I am needed in the Headmaster's office, and Trelawny is taking over the class, it is obvious that very little will be accomplished. So yes, the three of you may go back to the Gryffindor common room. You're excused."

            Ron gawked at me and Harry held an awed smile on his face as they followed me out and up to the common room.

            I led them up to the girls' dormitory, because I knew some of the third years had free periods now and didn't want them listening in on our conversation, which was apt to get very loud and potentially violent.

            "Ron, I'm really, really sorry for everything…had I known things would end up this way, I might not have ever…but that doesn't matter, I did."

            "Why aren't you apologizing to Harry, too?"

            "'Cause he knows half of the story…not because I told him, but because he's a snoop and can't mind his own business…I never meant to leave you two out of everything, but life got…complex."

            "Ron, what she's trying to say, what she's going to say, is going to come as a shock to you. But I want you to know that I talked to him and he loves her."

            "What, so 'Miones got a boyfriend? What's this have to do with Malfoy?"

            "Ron, why don't you sit down?" I waited for him to take a seat. "remember when my parents died?"

            "How could I forget?"

            "How well do you remember that day?"

            "There was a Hogsmeade trip, and you had to go talk to Dumbledore, and it took forever, so we left, and then you went and cut your wrists 'cause your parents were dead and Malfoy found you an—"

            "So Malfoy found me. And that's really where this whole story begins…I guess I should tell both of you everything, since, Harry, you only really know what you've pieced together and you probably have it all wrong anyways…"

            "Ron? Promise me one thing, right?"

            "Yeah, what?"

            "To stay calm, and no yelling, and no throwing objects or hitting people."

            "Jesus, I may have red hair and my family may be known for their tempers, but I'm never that bad!"

            "Well.."

            "Yes, anyways, as I was saying. Two weeks later I came back to classes, but then I didn't make it even to the beginning of first period—"

            "Which is when you went to talk to McGonnagal."

            "No. Which is when I attacked Draco Malfoy and stabbed him with my quill until he bled. And then passed out in his dorm room."

            Now I had both Harry and Ron's attention. Harry's hand was firmly clamped over Ron's mouth, because he clearly wanted me to continue.

            "I don't know why I did it, I suppose because I was angry, and I knew his father was a Death Eater, and because he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As I was attacking him I happened to learn something about him which, had I told either of you, would have been his death. Sort of. Dementor Kiss style."

            Ron ripped Harry's hand free. "Ha! So he is a Death Eater! I knew it!"

            Harry was looking at me incredulously. "You said he couldn't hurt you. You told me to trust him…" Now he just looked hurt.

            "Harry, please let me explain!"

            "I don't know if I want to hear the rest!"

            "Harry, please, you've got to! I need you…"

            He looked at me, wounded, but continued to sit on my bed and watch my pacing form.

            "I woke up in Draco's dorm, and he was surprisingly nice to me. Of course, by this point I knew he was a Death Eater—only he didn't know I knew. I asked him why he was putting up with me, why he was helping me, and he said something about understanding, and then I informed him that he was a Death Eater and he…well, things turned violent—only for a second, though—and then we had both calmed down, and he basically talked me into letting him help me. He knew I was going crazy, and so he bargained with me—asked me to give him a chance, give him one month, and if, in one month, I wasn't on my way to being healed, then I could tell him to go away and he would never bother me again. So I agreed, because I knew otherwise he would just keep bothering and bothering me, I guess. I wanted help."

            "'Mione, you put your life in the hands of a fucking Death Eater?"

            "Yeah, we went over that part. I asked him why he didn't kill me on the spot, I think I asked him that right before you found us, Harry, and he told me he hated mudbloods, but he wouldn't kill me, because he saw me as an equal, and as a boy sees a girl…he told me that he couldn't kill me because, even though Voldemort was his Master, he thought I would be a fair match for him and he wanted to see it. He also said that I was the smartest witch he had ever met, and liked to talk with me, I guess."

            "Oh, how sweet, I bet your heart just melted." Harry slapped Ron.

            "So then Harry found us, and we argued and they talked and he decided it was best to just keep quiet about the whole thing, 'cause if Draco's dad found out we would both be as good as dead. Draco was completely going against Voldemort and his father by helping me. The month was almost up when I had this really weird dream…my mom and dad talked to me, and so did you, Ron, and you were telling me that Draco was gone and how wonderful it was…my dad gave me this amulet, and told me I would need it soon, and my mom told me to trust the Dragon, even though he betrayed me…and Draco is Latin for Dragon…"

            "But it was just a dream, you can't believe everything that happens in your dreams."

            "No, it would be stupid to do that. I wouldn't have listened to any of it, except that when I woke up in the morning the amulet was around my neck."

            "Why didn't you ever tell us about it? What is it? Is that it?" Ron pointed to Draco's amulet, which I still wore around my neck.

            "No, Ron, this isn't it. I don't have it anymore."

            "Who does?"

            "I'll get to that. The next thing that happened, really, was that I fell in love with Draco Malfoy in the library."

            Harry started laughing, because Ron had turned bright red.

`           "W-What?!"

            "Well, not really in the library, but I was looking up the amulet, and he came in, and told me a month was up, and I told him I didn't want him to go."

            "Eww! Mione!"

            "Well…" I paused and smiled, "that was the truth. And then we went down to the lake, and I don't think you or Harry really wants the details, but basically we, uh, became more than friends."

            "But you two were still hurling insults at each other like mad, in fact, you were worse than either me or Harry!"

            "It was an act. I, we, didn't want the school to know. It was secret, 'cause, like I said before, if his dad found out, we'd be as good as dead."

            "Did Lucius find out?" This was Harry.

            "Yes, Harry, he must have. Draco must have gone through hell over the holidays." I paused, "that is, unless he didn't love me at all and was…and was…" I wasn't going to cry. Not in front of my two best friends. Not like this. Not over him. "Anyways, he finally wrote me at the Burrow, and sent me my Christmas present, a ring, which I don't have anymore, either…and he told me what the amulet was, because he had looked it up at home and it was the Amulet of Gaia."

            "The what?" Harry and Ron both looked lost.

            "Gaia is the earth goddess. Basically, if it appears for someone, like it did for me, then that person can't be killed by their enemies. Can be harmed, but not killed. Only, you have to activate it, and I never figured that part out. There is one other use for it. It involves dark magic, and lots of it, but the amulet can be, I guess bent, sort of, and make the wizard using the dark magic completely immortal. Hence, Voldemort has great use for it."

            "You mean, he has it now?"

            "Yes." Enough. Enough. I started to cry, and then I was sobbing and Harry and Ron looked at each other and simultaneously got up and began hugging me and telling me it was alright.

            Then I calmed down, and they sat down, and I told them the rest. "Last night, Draco and I…were in the Astronomy Tower, and we fell asleep, and when I woke up this morning, I was alone, and the bastard had taken the amulet and left me a note, a fucking note! Harry, Ron, this wouldn't be so bad, but I love him, and I have this strong…belief, I just know, even now, somehow, that he loves me too. And I'm so lost…but I'm gonna kill Voldemort, just wait. He's…he's, oh, God may hate me, but, like I told Draco last night, it's not death that scares me, it's life…and so the monster is going down."

            Both Ron and Harry just sat there for a few minutes digesting everything, while I repeatedly threw my vase on the floor, fixed it with magic, and threw it again.

            "What I want to know is what went on in Malfoy Manor over the holidays. If he does love you, and I also believe he does, or at least did at some point, because I could tell he did that night I talked to him, and that was pretty early on, then I'm betting Lucius, the bastard, used an Imperius curse on him for awhile, maybe starved him, I mean, God knows the Malfoy's have the largest dungeon in the country, and the cruelest methods, and his father doesn't know what love is…can I see your Christmas note?"

            I nodded and pulled it out, along with last nights note.

            "Hermione, compare the handwriting from Christmas to the handwriting from last night. In the first one, it's sloppy and there are bit which don't fit in with the letter at all. The last part is completely scrawled. Last nights' is perfectly neat, controlled. My bet is that this first note, this love letter, that Lucius dictated that, and Draco was fighting. I remember when we were being tested with the Imperious curse, I think in Moody's class, and I remember hearing that Malfoy was one of the few who could fight it. It would make sense that in a family like that one was trained to fight it from an early age, y'know? How was he when he came back?"

            "Wonderful…"

            "Oh, god, I didn't mean like that!"

            "No, no, I mean…I don't know."

            "Right. What are you planning on doing? How are you going to kill Voldemort?"

            "I'm gonna become an Auror, only, in secret. Once my training is completed, I'm going to go to Draco with big puppy dog eyes and tell him that he was right, I was on the losing side, and could I join him? Naturally he'll take me in, and then I'll kick some dark wizarding ass."

            "I thought you were going to be a teacher…"

A/N: So how long will it take to go through wizarding training? Will Hermione be able to get to the amulet before Voldemort uses it for himself? Will everyone be really wonderful and review lots and lots and lots? Stay tuned to find out more…