Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot. But I would
be willing to trade that for any of the MALE characters in Harry Potter.
Just something to think about, Mrs. Rowling. Plus, Stacy (mysterywriter)
helped me with this whole story (plus many others) when I got writers block
(which ALWAYS happens).
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Chapter 3: Life on the Rocks with a Twist
That night, Hermione couldn't sleep. Not because she was worried about Harry, in fact, she totally forgot about her poor, unconscious best friend. No, the only things that were keeping Hermione up were the noises coming from Brigit's room. Oh, did I forget to mention that Ron was in there with her? So, I think it's pretty obvious what they were doing.
A few hours later, they were still going at it. What were they? Rabbits? Hermione sighed loudly and decided that it was pointless trying to sleep when two people were getting it on in the next room. So she threw on some clothes and went shopping at seven o'clock in the morning.
When she came back with bags of books (what did you expect?), she noticed something as soon as she walked in the door. The air felt...less stupid. And there was just a 'nothing-on-my-body-has-been-surgically- altered' vibe around the apartment.
"Where's Barbie- I mean, Brigit?" Hermione asked Ron as she put her bags on the counter and sat next to him on the couch.
"She left." Ron said, seeming too sad to notice the little name slip Hermione made. He looked rather depressed, with half a bottle of vodka in his hand.
Hermione considered jumping up from her spot on the couch and doing her version of the happy dance. But, being the top notch friend that she was, Hermione said, "That's too bad." and put a comforting hand on Ron's arm.
BAM!
As soon as her fingers grazed Ron's skin, that feeling that Hermione thought she had lost forever, came back again. It was a tingling that spread from the tip of her fingers, all the way down to the pit of her stomach. She felt happy, anxious, excited, and nauseous all at the same time.
This feeling scared Hermione down to her very soul. She thought that after years of trying to snuff out her flame for Ron, that it would never come back. But, like a trick candle, the flame flickered back on, and was now hotter then ever.
Hermione knew that this flame would only burn her, and bring pain. So, becoming desperate to somehow put this flame back out, or distract herself from it, Hermione seized the bottle of vodka that was in Ron's hand, and took a big swig of it. She cringed at the taste, but knew that she'd soon be too drunk to taste or feel anything. And that thought was comforting.
"Ah, decided to join me, have you?" Ron asked with a little smile.
"Do you have anymore of this?" Hermione asked, finishing off the bottle with another swig.
"In the cupboard." Ron said, pointing in it's general direction. He was rather drunk by now.
Hermione rushed to the cupboard, and threw the doors open. It was filled with bottles of every kind of liquor. She reached for the one she figured was the strongest, and downed it in a matter of minutes.
A few hours later, Ron and Hermione were sprawled on the living room floor with empty bottles of alcohol scattered all around them. Ron was attempting to play Row Row Row Your Boat by banging different empty bottles together. Hermione was running her finger along the inside of a bottle, trying to extract every molecule of brandy left in it.
"I am still thirsty." Hermione announced.
"Go get some more." Ron said, continuing to bang bottles together.
"Just as soon as the room stops spinning." Hermione said, struggling to get up, and having to use the coffee table for support. She stumbled and had to lean against the wall as she tried to get to the cupboard that was only a few feet away.
Just then, Ron, who had been banging two bottles together just above his head, lost grip of one of them and it fell down on his head. Hermione, who had seen this, lost balance and fell down to the floor laughing.
"You are so stupid." Hermione laughed, holding her side.
"Well, at least I can walk." Ron said, attempting to stand up, but tripped over his own feet and fell down. This made Hermione laugh even harder.
(I, as an author, am very aware that bottles hitting people on heads is no laughing matter, but they are drunk. What did you expect? An intellectual conversation about toilet seats? Well, that's the best you're going to get when they're both smashed.)
After ten straight minutes of laughing, Hermione finally composed herself, and stumbled toward the cupboard.
"There's only red wine left." Hermione said, grabbing two bottles and showing them to Ron. And this sentence was what unleashed a monster.
Out of no where, Ron starts to sing.
"Red red wiiiiiine." Ron sang, swaying back and forth on the floor.
"Stay close to meeeee." Hermione sang, stumbling back to her spot on the ground next to Ron, and giving him one of the bottles.
"Don't let me be alone." Ron sang, taking a swig of his wine.
"It's tearing apart, my blue, blue heart." Hermione sang in between drinks. The rest of the song was rather incoherent, seeing that they had drunken enough alcohol to fill the Atlantic Ocean.... twice.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Okay, that's the end of the chapter, so now I just wanna thank everyone who reviewed. So here it goes....
OtterMoon- You hit Ron with a solid gold steering wheel? Niiiiiiice. I've got to add that to my list of murder weapons. And buying Ron a new brain is a VERY good idea. I'd donate mine, but it hasn't worked in years.
Straycat- You're right, Fullytones and Fuzzy Slippers is the best. Thanks for reviewing! Oh! Did you read ch. 13 of Fellytones? It is so funny! And I am very happy that you find my second chappie still.... everything.
Foags- Another great story from me? Really? Sweet. I added another chapter to my D/Herm one. But it turned out really weird when I posted it. I only showed, like, half of the thing I had written. I tried to fix it, but whatever. I hate technology!
Blue-Amythyst- I bet yelling "go to hell bitch" *would* have made Hermione smile. But, not to worry, she'll be smiling soon enough. Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm so happy that you like my stories!!!
Eye candy- OMG, you have no idea how happy it made me when you said that you can tell that this is going to be one of the best fics you're going to read. Thank you so much!!!! Sorry I made you wait, I'll update every week just so that you don't have to keep waiting and waiting and waiting...
Kooky Lemons- You're right, sarcasm does rule! lol. I'm so happy that you like it! And, if the devil didn't wear Gucci, what in heavens name WOULD she wear? Armani? I think not.
Phoenixdreams- I'm glad that this is interesting so far. I hope that it stays that way, and that you don't fall asleep at the computer while reading it. Cause that would be bad. You might have something in the oven, and then it could burn, and you'd be asleep, and the house would catch fire, and you'd still be asleep, and the fire alarm would go off, and you'd be asleep, and then you'd die and it'd be all my fault and I'd have to come to your funeral and tell everyone that my boring fanfic killed you. And then you're relatives would ambush me, and start throwing punches, and your grandma would have me in a head lock and..... wow, I'm rambling. Bad Nicole, bad.
Demetre Ironhilt- I'm so happy that you found this story funny as hell. Cause I don't know about you, but I find the devil's fiery casa rather humorous. I don't understand why you cant have Ron either. Maybe because he is fictional, and OBVIOUSLY in love with Hermione, who is also rather fictitious herself. But, hey, just because you two come from different places doesn't mean you can't hook up. I say go for it! Go take Ron's salty goodness for yourself!
Eedoe- I have actually written a couple more chapters for this fic, and, lo and behold, Ginny does come into the mix! But not for a while, sorry! I think she shows up around chapter 8... so you can look forward to that. Thanks for reviewing!
Arctic Squirrel- It's odd for Hermione to have sexual feelings for Ron.? ..... I suppose. Since, in the book, Ron is the only one who is obviously in love. Don't worry, they will hook up eventually, no assassination needed.
Blacairn-babe- I'm so happy that you find my weirdness witty! I will try my best to update every week, probably Friday-ish. Thank you for reviewing!!!
Jenny7611- You are so right, bitter people *are* funny. I don't think I'd be smiling right now if my friend hadn't been so bitter about some boy not liking her. I could laugh for hours about it..... I'm not insensitive. Really.
TheSilverLady- Don't worry, there is no way I am going to have poor little Harry end up with Mattel's version of Satan (AKA- Brigit). I'd have to temporarily insane to do that, and I am pretty confident with my mental stability...at least for now.
I wouldn't consider this last thing to be a thank you. It's more of a... shove it up the ass.
Niki-chan- Okay, I can understand if you don't like swearing. But, if you are really that anal about it, maybe you should stop reading PG-13 fics. I decided to take your review as constructive criticism, and read the chapter over again to see if I really did have swearing in every paragraph, like you accused me of. Well, I counted, and I only swore five times in the second chapter. The point of this story is for Hermione to be hostile. Wouldn't you be if the only boy you've ever loved didn't even notice that you were there? I figured that everyone would get that, but I guess not. You are welcome to flame me all you want, just don't do it to blow off steam. Actually give me something I can work off of. It's called constructive criticism, maybe you should look into that.
I'm sorry if I missed anyone. Thank you to everyone for reviewing! I am sooooo happy that you like my story. Almost too happy, really. It's probably not healthy, but what the hell.
************************************************************************
A/N: In case you didn't notice, the song that Ron and Hermione were singing was 'Red Red Wine' by UB40.
!@#$%^&*~ BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to. ~*&^%$#@!
************************************************************************
Chapter 3: Life on the Rocks with a Twist
That night, Hermione couldn't sleep. Not because she was worried about Harry, in fact, she totally forgot about her poor, unconscious best friend. No, the only things that were keeping Hermione up were the noises coming from Brigit's room. Oh, did I forget to mention that Ron was in there with her? So, I think it's pretty obvious what they were doing.
A few hours later, they were still going at it. What were they? Rabbits? Hermione sighed loudly and decided that it was pointless trying to sleep when two people were getting it on in the next room. So she threw on some clothes and went shopping at seven o'clock in the morning.
When she came back with bags of books (what did you expect?), she noticed something as soon as she walked in the door. The air felt...less stupid. And there was just a 'nothing-on-my-body-has-been-surgically- altered' vibe around the apartment.
"Where's Barbie- I mean, Brigit?" Hermione asked Ron as she put her bags on the counter and sat next to him on the couch.
"She left." Ron said, seeming too sad to notice the little name slip Hermione made. He looked rather depressed, with half a bottle of vodka in his hand.
Hermione considered jumping up from her spot on the couch and doing her version of the happy dance. But, being the top notch friend that she was, Hermione said, "That's too bad." and put a comforting hand on Ron's arm.
BAM!
As soon as her fingers grazed Ron's skin, that feeling that Hermione thought she had lost forever, came back again. It was a tingling that spread from the tip of her fingers, all the way down to the pit of her stomach. She felt happy, anxious, excited, and nauseous all at the same time.
This feeling scared Hermione down to her very soul. She thought that after years of trying to snuff out her flame for Ron, that it would never come back. But, like a trick candle, the flame flickered back on, and was now hotter then ever.
Hermione knew that this flame would only burn her, and bring pain. So, becoming desperate to somehow put this flame back out, or distract herself from it, Hermione seized the bottle of vodka that was in Ron's hand, and took a big swig of it. She cringed at the taste, but knew that she'd soon be too drunk to taste or feel anything. And that thought was comforting.
"Ah, decided to join me, have you?" Ron asked with a little smile.
"Do you have anymore of this?" Hermione asked, finishing off the bottle with another swig.
"In the cupboard." Ron said, pointing in it's general direction. He was rather drunk by now.
Hermione rushed to the cupboard, and threw the doors open. It was filled with bottles of every kind of liquor. She reached for the one she figured was the strongest, and downed it in a matter of minutes.
A few hours later, Ron and Hermione were sprawled on the living room floor with empty bottles of alcohol scattered all around them. Ron was attempting to play Row Row Row Your Boat by banging different empty bottles together. Hermione was running her finger along the inside of a bottle, trying to extract every molecule of brandy left in it.
"I am still thirsty." Hermione announced.
"Go get some more." Ron said, continuing to bang bottles together.
"Just as soon as the room stops spinning." Hermione said, struggling to get up, and having to use the coffee table for support. She stumbled and had to lean against the wall as she tried to get to the cupboard that was only a few feet away.
Just then, Ron, who had been banging two bottles together just above his head, lost grip of one of them and it fell down on his head. Hermione, who had seen this, lost balance and fell down to the floor laughing.
"You are so stupid." Hermione laughed, holding her side.
"Well, at least I can walk." Ron said, attempting to stand up, but tripped over his own feet and fell down. This made Hermione laugh even harder.
(I, as an author, am very aware that bottles hitting people on heads is no laughing matter, but they are drunk. What did you expect? An intellectual conversation about toilet seats? Well, that's the best you're going to get when they're both smashed.)
After ten straight minutes of laughing, Hermione finally composed herself, and stumbled toward the cupboard.
"There's only red wine left." Hermione said, grabbing two bottles and showing them to Ron. And this sentence was what unleashed a monster.
Out of no where, Ron starts to sing.
"Red red wiiiiiine." Ron sang, swaying back and forth on the floor.
"Stay close to meeeee." Hermione sang, stumbling back to her spot on the ground next to Ron, and giving him one of the bottles.
"Don't let me be alone." Ron sang, taking a swig of his wine.
"It's tearing apart, my blue, blue heart." Hermione sang in between drinks. The rest of the song was rather incoherent, seeing that they had drunken enough alcohol to fill the Atlantic Ocean.... twice.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Okay, that's the end of the chapter, so now I just wanna thank everyone who reviewed. So here it goes....
OtterMoon- You hit Ron with a solid gold steering wheel? Niiiiiiice. I've got to add that to my list of murder weapons. And buying Ron a new brain is a VERY good idea. I'd donate mine, but it hasn't worked in years.
Straycat- You're right, Fullytones and Fuzzy Slippers is the best. Thanks for reviewing! Oh! Did you read ch. 13 of Fellytones? It is so funny! And I am very happy that you find my second chappie still.... everything.
Foags- Another great story from me? Really? Sweet. I added another chapter to my D/Herm one. But it turned out really weird when I posted it. I only showed, like, half of the thing I had written. I tried to fix it, but whatever. I hate technology!
Blue-Amythyst- I bet yelling "go to hell bitch" *would* have made Hermione smile. But, not to worry, she'll be smiling soon enough. Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm so happy that you like my stories!!!
Eye candy- OMG, you have no idea how happy it made me when you said that you can tell that this is going to be one of the best fics you're going to read. Thank you so much!!!! Sorry I made you wait, I'll update every week just so that you don't have to keep waiting and waiting and waiting...
Kooky Lemons- You're right, sarcasm does rule! lol. I'm so happy that you like it! And, if the devil didn't wear Gucci, what in heavens name WOULD she wear? Armani? I think not.
Phoenixdreams- I'm glad that this is interesting so far. I hope that it stays that way, and that you don't fall asleep at the computer while reading it. Cause that would be bad. You might have something in the oven, and then it could burn, and you'd be asleep, and the house would catch fire, and you'd still be asleep, and the fire alarm would go off, and you'd be asleep, and then you'd die and it'd be all my fault and I'd have to come to your funeral and tell everyone that my boring fanfic killed you. And then you're relatives would ambush me, and start throwing punches, and your grandma would have me in a head lock and..... wow, I'm rambling. Bad Nicole, bad.
Demetre Ironhilt- I'm so happy that you found this story funny as hell. Cause I don't know about you, but I find the devil's fiery casa rather humorous. I don't understand why you cant have Ron either. Maybe because he is fictional, and OBVIOUSLY in love with Hermione, who is also rather fictitious herself. But, hey, just because you two come from different places doesn't mean you can't hook up. I say go for it! Go take Ron's salty goodness for yourself!
Eedoe- I have actually written a couple more chapters for this fic, and, lo and behold, Ginny does come into the mix! But not for a while, sorry! I think she shows up around chapter 8... so you can look forward to that. Thanks for reviewing!
Arctic Squirrel- It's odd for Hermione to have sexual feelings for Ron.? ..... I suppose. Since, in the book, Ron is the only one who is obviously in love. Don't worry, they will hook up eventually, no assassination needed.
Blacairn-babe- I'm so happy that you find my weirdness witty! I will try my best to update every week, probably Friday-ish. Thank you for reviewing!!!
Jenny7611- You are so right, bitter people *are* funny. I don't think I'd be smiling right now if my friend hadn't been so bitter about some boy not liking her. I could laugh for hours about it..... I'm not insensitive. Really.
TheSilverLady- Don't worry, there is no way I am going to have poor little Harry end up with Mattel's version of Satan (AKA- Brigit). I'd have to temporarily insane to do that, and I am pretty confident with my mental stability...at least for now.
I wouldn't consider this last thing to be a thank you. It's more of a... shove it up the ass.
Niki-chan- Okay, I can understand if you don't like swearing. But, if you are really that anal about it, maybe you should stop reading PG-13 fics. I decided to take your review as constructive criticism, and read the chapter over again to see if I really did have swearing in every paragraph, like you accused me of. Well, I counted, and I only swore five times in the second chapter. The point of this story is for Hermione to be hostile. Wouldn't you be if the only boy you've ever loved didn't even notice that you were there? I figured that everyone would get that, but I guess not. You are welcome to flame me all you want, just don't do it to blow off steam. Actually give me something I can work off of. It's called constructive criticism, maybe you should look into that.
I'm sorry if I missed anyone. Thank you to everyone for reviewing! I am sooooo happy that you like my story. Almost too happy, really. It's probably not healthy, but what the hell.
************************************************************************
A/N: In case you didn't notice, the song that Ron and Hermione were singing was 'Red Red Wine' by UB40.
!@#$%^&*~ BTW: If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just tell me your e-mail address in the review. I'd be happy to. ~*&^%$#@!