Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to J. K. Rowling.

Life Had Just Begun

By Terra

Chapter Three: Empty Spaces

Lily didn't talk to me the rest of the night and we went to bed in silence. The next morning, we headed to the Ministry and separated to our departments. Since two days had passed since someone left the "present" in my desk, I thought my desk would be occupying my cubicle. When I entered my cubicle, there was no desk to be found.

"Okay, where's my desk now?" I asked myself. I forced myself to re-enter the creepy hallway of the Aurors and randomly knocked on the first door that caught my attention. The hall pulled at my shirt as I waited. The door swung open and Frank Longbottom was the occupant of the office.

"You knocked?" Frank asked.

"Yes," I replied, "where is my desk?"

"We had to confiscate it, remember?"

"Yes, but you said it would be back in a day. So, the desk should have been back yesterday and still here today."

"It is not wise to return your desk just yet."

I stomped my foot like a spoiled little rich kid, "I need to work! How am I supposed to work without my desk or even my files?!"

"I can arrange for the files but the desk can not be returned right now," Frank answered with an air of closure. According to him, the matter was over. It wasn't over for me.

"How soon will I get my files? Next week?"

"As soon as I can. Some files are being examined as well since some drops of blood fell on the topmost and others may have curses placed on them. In short, good day, Mr. Potter." Longbottom slammed the door in my face. An Auror passing me on the way to his office chuckled.

"Merlin, I hate Aurors!" I mumbled under my breath.

I eventually did receive some of my files but most had to be kept for evidence. I still had not received my desk so I worked on the floor, using a clipboard one of the secretaries used. I couldn't really concentrate on my work. Why did my father have to die? What did he ever do? Of course, the Aurors kept telling me not to jump to conclusions because my father could be alive, if not well. I knew it was him, I just knew it. It was too much to handle. Lily being pregnant with our first child just tightened my nerves more.

I tried to find a bright side to the situation and after much searching, I found it. At least, I reasoned, the Dark Lord would not dare to directly attack the Ministry. So, as long as Lily was at the Ministry, she was fine. Also, because Lily worked at the Ministry, she was always at arm's length, just a brisk walk away. I could keep an eye on her. Everything was alright as long as Lily stayed close.

My thoughts were interrupted by a foot tapping outside the entrance of my cubicle. "So, the rumors are true."

I glanced up. Her arms crossed, Lily glared down at my crouching form. "Is it lunch yet, Lily?" I asked sweetly. Don't ask about the desk, I pleaded silently.

"Where's your desk, James?"

Damn. "Uh... one of the legs broke. It's getting fixed."

"Why didn't you fix it yourself, Mr. Head-Boy?"

"Tired," I explained weakly.

"I heard something quite different. Do you want to tell me or do you want to hear it first and then admit that it's right?"

I bowed my head. Lily continued, "I've heard rumors that something unpleasant was in your desk. No one will tell me what, but according to my sources at the water cooler, it shook you up pretty bad." I said nothing. Lily got on her knees and rubbed my head, cooing, "James. Tell me what's wrong. Please."

"I can't. You don't need to know."

Lily scoffed, "Yes, I need to know. Tell me. Is it the reason that you had two Raging Dogs the night before last?" I nodded glumly. "James, come on. You don't have to suffer alone."

"Lily... I think you have enough on your mind..."

"James! I'm your wife! Tell me."

I stared intently at my fingers and felt hot tears stinging my eyes. Lily wiped them away which comforted me slightly. I took a deep breath and told her what I found and who I thought it was. After I was done, Lily hugged me to her chest and rocked me slightly. This rather soothing moment was shattered by Percy Weatherby, the bootlicker, coming in and saying, "Look, this is a professional establishment. Leave the romance at home!" He turned his nose up at us and stalked off.

Lily gave me a little kiss on the forehead and said, "Better now? Because if I don't eat right this minute, I'm gonna die!" She whimpered as I laughed.

The day went by quickly and Thursday passed without much fuss and without a desk. Friday dawned on us and, forbid the thought, my desk was in its proper place. I nearly died from shock. Lily ate two lunches now, one before I went to lunch and one with me and both times she ate more than Sirius could in a week. That's saying a lot, considering Sirius.

As we walked home, Lily sighed, "That's the last of it."

"Last of what, Lily?"

"Last day I work until the baby is born."

I stopped cold in the street. "WHAT?"

Lily rolled her eyes and explained, "I told you on Monday. Because of what is going on, pregnant women are at risk so I'm being allowed a vacation until the baby is born."

There goes my perfect vision of security. Now she would be completely unprotected in our house while I was at work. I might as well have drawn a target on her belly, reading, "Aim here!" Could nothing go right for me?

"But... you can't."

"I can, too, James. It's a paid vacation. Mr. Weasley arranged it for me."

The next time I see Mr. Weasley, I swore, I am going to skin him. Didn't he understand that I needed Lily to stay close since psycho Death Eaters had no qualms about killing random family members?

"You'll be bored to death, Lily!"

"I will not. I have too much to do before the baby is born. Having a vacation is a wonderful idea, I'll have plenty of time to prepare now."

Time to prepare to have a horrible "accident" while I'm at work!

"I could help out. It's not like you're doing it all alone..."

Lily cut me off, "It doesn't matter. The vacation has already been agreed upon and everyone else thought it was a great idea. It's not like I'm moving to Siberia or something!"

It was just too far for me. Much too far.

*** ***

We spent Friday night re-examining the potential rooms for our little one.

"I want it close to our room," Lily said.

I disagreed, "No, because as it grows up, it'll want independence. It should be farther down the hall."

"But what if it cries during the night? It'll have farther to go when it has nightmares."

"But if it's right next to our room, the cries will be unbearably loud."

"What's wrong with that? Either way, we'll hear it crying. And we'll have farther to walk if we have it down the hall."

"But there will be a time when it won't cry in the night or have nightmares and it won't want to be so close to our room. It'll need SPACE."

"Then we'll move it down the hall when it gets to that stage but during its formative years, it will need us close."

"What if we have another kid? We won't be able to move the first one."

"If we have another kid, then that kid will have to be closer for the first kid to be farther. Either way, a baby has to be put in this room."

I sighed. "We can decide this later, you know."

"No, we can't! There are a million things we have to do the room before the baby arrives. But if don't have a room decided upon, we can't prepare it and everything will be screwed up!"

There was one thing I could count on and that was Lily being overly prepared for every situation. This was going to get ugly. She had that look on her face that she had when N.E.W.T.S. were announced. Determined but stressed.

I put my hand on her shoulder and changed the subject. "Okay, for the minute, let's forget about the room. Do we want to paint the walls?"

"Yes, of course. The white walls in both rooms drive me nuts."

"Okay, what colour?"

"Yellow. But not bright, kind of soft and muted."

"How can a visual thing like a colour be soft or muted?"

"It just is. Or maybe lilac?"

"Ew. No."

So, we spent the next three hours discussing what we would do to either room. Rather, Lily described what she imagined and I let myself go along for the ride.

We have had completely different childhoods. Lily's family had been lower middle class. Petunia and she had shared a room, or "The Cupboard," as they had called it. Lily had never had a space to call her own where she could rip up paper, or sit and dream. I, on the other hand, had an entire wing to myself, but it was rather impersonal. My family's mansion was much like a museum; I always felt I was just visiting. The playful part of me always seemed to be sucked away in the empty, echoing halls and every whisper seemed too loud.

We agreed that the room would be a private place for our child. We vowed we would always knock before entering (neither of our families had done that for us) and not get too upset if our child locked the door (again, both of our families were furious at locked doors). The effect we agreed upon having was "being enveloped in a warm, fluffy blanket after a run in the rain," as Lily had put it. We would cover the hard wood floors with a snuggly rug and stuffed animals would dominate the room (I never had a stuffed animal). We decided that the room would not be decorated with a baby theme; the room would be age-neutral and grow with the child-to-be.

After we were all talked out, we sat on the floor of the farthest room and smiled at each other. We had big things planned for our little one. Lily was right; there was too much to do.

Saturday morning was bitterly cold. I woke before Lily so I made breakfast for both of us. Breakfast finally being prepared, I went upstairs to examine the two finalists for the baby's room. I amused myself with the image of the rooms dueling over who would get picked to house the first child. I looked out the window in the farthest room from us. The wind howled outside. I felt cold within the blank walls. I tried to imagine the room as the final product. The walls all painted yellow, the crib far from the window to prevent the baby catching drafts, enormous stuffed toys in every corner, chimes hanging from the ceiling, a soft rug to lay on and dream little dreams or read picture books endlessly, calm prints hanging on the wall. The room would be the essence of comfort and serenity.

I opened my eyes and there were no prints, stuffed animals, or soft, melodious voices reading aloud for the first time. There were only stark walls, cold, hard wood floors, and the wind howling angrily outside. The whole wizarding world was like this room, I thought. We all close our eyes and imagine the very essence of peace but when our eyes are open, the reality hits us. The world is very cold and stark. I didn't want to redecorate a room, I wanted to redecorate the world. Everyone wanted stuffed animals and fuzzy rugs to dream on. But the Dark Lord took all our stuffed teddies and burned all the rugs until we were left with the blank walls and the wind that moans outside the window. We can always close our eyes and imagine the painted walls and the stuffed toys, but they aren't there. We are standing in an unpainted room and there is little we can do about it. The only paint available is blood.

"James? Are you crying?"

Lily's voice called my attention back to reality.

"Um... yeah. Just thinking about what we're going to do to the room. It's a pretty picture; I was overcome."

"Yes, it will be pretty," Lily sighed as she glanced around the room, then answered, "I was thinking. This room is bigger and it has a lovely view from the window. Maybe this room will be better for the baby."

I could feel the room bowing triumphantly.

"Aren't I always right?"

"This time, perhaps. A million to one, me. Did you make breakfast?"

"Yes, I did. Did you like it?"

"I haven't eaten it. You weren't eating it; can't be too careful when you're married to a former Marauder."

The Marauders was the nickname for my little group back at Hogwarts. It was composed of Sirius Black aka Padfoot, Remus Lupin aka Moony, Peter Pettigrew aka Wormtail, and me, the infamous Prongs. During our duration at Hogwarts, we created a map, The Marauders Map, which showed secret entrances, passwords, and where people who would do us harm and ourselves were in the area. With it, we had a delightful time playing pranks and exploring. Before we left school, we debated whether or not to will it to a second-year or destroy it completely. I finally took the opportunity for compromise. Lily, the ever-faithful girlfriend and part-time prankster, hid the Map behind a brick in the girls' dorm. To ensure its safety, Lily put a Charm on it to protect it from mildew and arson though the years. Afterwards, I told the others that Filch had caught me with it. Luckily, I added, it had been blank so we were safe. My friends still believe that the Map is in Filch's office. As far as we know, it is still there, waiting to be discovered and, boy, it will be a find. Once the pranksters figure out how to use it since we forgot to include directions. Ah, well, make them work a little.

"I didn't do anything to it. It's healthy for human consumption... I think."

"Don't say that!" Lily laughed as she left the room.

We joke. We laugh. We can close our eyes and mentally paint the walls. But the wind will always howl outside.

To be continued...

Author's Notes: I have nothing witty to say. Sorry. Please review or e-mail me at destinyplot@lycos.com! See ya later!