Disclaimer: All people and places are property of J. K. Rowling.
Life Had Just Begun
By Terra
Chapter Six: A Serious Affair
It was mid-December. Frost had settled on the ground and grief had settled on my heart. A week after my father's body was found, we held the memorial service for him and I alone scattered his ashes over the ocean. I never really knew my father and now I never would. Sirius kept to himself and did whatever odds and ends Lily forced him to do. Sirius, despite appearances, has a great deal of compassion and respect for the dead.
On one particular morning, I found Sirius outside, working on his motorcycle. Sirius loved that motorcycle. I swear, his flat could catch on fire and he'd rush back to get his motorcycle. It was a gigantic machine that only Sirius seemed able to manage. Furthermore, Sirius had enchanted his beloved to fly at the press of a button. Like all wizarding vehicles, the seat and carrying compartment expanded to fit any object. As Sirius worked manually (he never used magic on it. Said it would "ruin the quality") on his bike, a heat barrier surrounded him to keep him warm. Yawning, I stepped into the circle and sighed as the heat rushed at me.
"Hey, James," Sirius greeted, not looking away from whatever whatisit he was fiddling with.
"Morning, Sirius. What are you doing?"
"Oh... just taking out the muffler."
"Why? Is it broken?"
"Not really."
"So, why remove it?"
"Because it works."
I didn't say anything for a minute. I answered, "You're taking it out because it works?"
"Precisely."
"But don't you need the muffler?"
"Usually."
"Doesn't taking out the muffler make the bike really, really loud?"
Sirius finally looked up and smiled a mischievous grin. "Yes, it does."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with that wedding of your cousin's, would it?"
Sirius turned back to the muffler. "Hm, what gives you that idea?"
"They'll kill you, Sirius," I warned.
"They'll kill me anyway. I might as well have fun with them first."
I believed I've mentioned the Blacks, Sirius paternal side of the family. There is one thing I believe I forgot to mention: Sirius hates the Blacks and they hate him.
*** ***
Long ago, there were seven Black children. The youngest was Roger, Sirius' father. Roger was always a kind of rebel and went against the accepted norms of the other relatives. However, his parents loved him just the same. In the siblings' eyes, he was the favorite and that fact enraged them. They found any excuse to prove him less worthy of the Black name but their efforts accomplished nothing. Again and again, Roger did the unexpected and received praise from his parents.
Eventually, as you know, Roger and his wife, Janet, died, leaving young Sirius as their only trace of existence. When the Blacks had failed to gain custody, and thus his inheritance, the family lashed out against Sirius. The cousins also noticed that Sirius seemed to be the favorite grandchild and turned against him, according to their parents' wishes. No matter what problem arose, somehow, someway, Sirius became the scape goat.
Two months after we had first entered Hogwarts, Remus observed that three other students had the last name Black and joked that maybe they were all related. Sirius, quite innocently, informed us that all three were his cousins. We were astonished because none of them had welcomed him or even waved in the halls.
"It's okay," he explained, "we haven't really seen each other since I was really little."
"Why don't you say hello, then?" I suggested.
"No, it's no big deal."
"When we pass them, you can say it. It'll take ten seconds."
Sirius agreed but looking back, I think he was only humoring us. When we passed the fifth-year cousin, Henry Black, Sirius quickly waved his hand and called, "Hi, Henry!"
Henry continued his conversation with his two friends.
"Try again," Peter said, "maybe he just didn't hear you."
Sirius sighed. "He's busy, it's okay."
"Come on, it's family!"
Again, Sirius waved and called, "Nice to see you, Henry!"
Henry gave Sirius the fish-eye but did not wave or even smile. Sirius shrugged and said quietly, "Ah, well." I saw Remus frown and Peter looked perplexed.
I was bitterly angry. Lucius Malfoy beating me up was one thing but to have a family member completely ignore Sirius, the coolest guy I had ever met, was a whole other issue. I was furious on Sirius' behalf, since he didn't seem to have the strength to be indignant.
"Hey!" I shouted, "Your cousin was speaking to you!"
Henry and his two friends stopped cold, turned around and looked at me in surprise. A crowd had gathered around us and several first years' jaw dropped: they had never heard me speak before.
Sirius touched my shoulder. "It's no big deal. Let's get going."
I shrugged him off, glaring at the fifth-years. "When someone is addressing you," I lectured, sounding very much like my father, "the proper action to respond."
"James, get over it. I'm fine. Let's go outside," Sirius pleaded.
I took a step forward. "Are you hard of hearing? Your cousin said 'hello'. Say something back."
The friend to Henry's right muttered, "Who the hell is this kid?" Henry shrugged.
"James, come on," Sirius begged, pulling at my sleeve. I took another step forward.
"I am Sirius Black's friend, that's who I am! And he just greeted you so answer him!"
Henry looked over my head. I turned my head around to follow his line of vision. In the crowd were the other Blacks: Dominick Black, a sixth-year, and Gabrielle Black, a fourth-year. They shrugged in unison. I turned back to stare at Henry's stomach. He glanced down at me and crouched to look me in the face.
"Look, kid, don't get involved in things you don't understand, okay?"
I punched him in the face.
The next thing I knew, I felt a flying sensation as one friend lifted me up by the shoulders. The other reared his fist back behind his head, screaming, "You little stuck-up ba..." In a flash, it was black.
I woke up an hour later in the hospital wing. Sirius was sitting in a chair beside me. I had a pounding headache.
"Sirius?"
"Yup?"
"Where are my glasses?" He handed them to me and I put them on. He had a very odd expression on his face. "Did I get him?"
"You didn't even give him a nose bleed," Sirius answered quietly.
"Oh."
"You punch like a girl."
"Well, thank you!" I shouted, sitting up, "I was trying to defend your honor!"
"But it didn't bother me so there was really no point, was there?"
"He ignored you."
"So? I haven't seen him in years, James. I don't even really like him all that much."
"He's your cousin!"
"James," Sirius looked solemn, as if he was about to reveal that there was no Father Christmas, "there are some things you just can't understand."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't understand it either."
I sat in silence. Pouting, I answered, "What about all that talk about standing up for myself? You do the same thing!"
"Nope. I ignore it. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't hurt me," Sirius shrugged. "I've learned that they don't matter. You, on the other hand, did not receive such sage advice. Those kids hurt you. That's going to stop."
"But..."
"My family doesn't hurt me. I barely notice they're there." Madame Pomfrey then bustled in and told me that I could leave. As we headed towards the Gryffindor Common Room, Sirius smiled and said, "And another thing, James. Leave the fist-fights to me. You can't afford getting in trouble. The trick of the game is to have revenge but not get caught yourself. Me, on the other hand, is another story."
That was our friendship in a nutshell. Sirius was my buffer. I'd go off and play pranks and Sirius made sure all the evidence pointed back to himself and away from me. It was same for Remus and Peter. Sirius always took the fall if he could. Later, as I grew more confident, I was more open about my pranks but, in the end, it looked like Sirius was evil ringleader and I was just along for the ride. People are so naive.
*** ***
Sirius continued to fiddle with his muffler. He seemed very uncomfortable as well.
"Something wrong?" I asked.
"Well..."
"What?"
"Can I... ask you a personal question?"
"Sure, go ahead."
"You'll be honest?"
"Yes."
"Swear?"
"Yes, of course."
"Because I need you to be..."
"Sirius! Ask the goddamned question!"
Sirius jumped slightly. He grunted. I coughed. He sighed. I clicked my tongue. Finally, he said, "I've been thinking about this baby..."
"Yeah?"
"Well... this baby and all... it's not..."
"An alien? A doll? What?"
"Compensating for something..." Sirius inquired, looking up like a child asking if his beloved dead pet toad was really dead, "is it?"
At first, I had no idea what he meant. Then it hit me: His parents.
"Sirius!" I rolled my eyes. "Our relationship is fine. Give me some credit."
"James, I'm living proof of a failed marriage."
"Sirius, we're okay. Nothing is going wrong."
"You sure?"
"Yes," I replied wearily.
"Well, I'm concerned."
"I know."
"I don't want anything to happen."
"I know."
Thunk. The motorcycle had whelped the muffler. The discussion was closed.
People might think it strange that Sirius was concerned. Surely, he was more confident than that? But, the truth is, he wasn't.
Believe or not, he opposed my wedding.
*** ***
It was the end of my seventh year, right before we were going to take our N.E.W.T.s, when I had decided. My mind was made up, I was going to ask for Lily's hand in marriage. With the Dark Lord rising up and the body count starting to rise (funny, we thought it couldn't get worse), there was a feeling of Carpe Diem in the air. Live life today because there might not be a tomorrow. I loved Lily and I was certain she loved me.
I wanted it to be special. An event she would never forget for the rest of her life. So, one night, as we four labored over textbooks, I told them of my plans to ask Lily.
"That's great!" Peter said.
"Excellent! You'll be very happy," Remus added.
"Too bad for Lily, huh?" Peter joked.
"Yeah, really, poor thing," Remus replied, chortling.
I swatted them on the heads. "Come on, guys, be serious!"
"I'm Remus," Remus responded.
"And I'm Peter!"
Speaking of Sirius, he hadn't said a word this whole time. Rather than looking pleased or excited, he looked downright angry. He was frowning darkly and staring straight at his textbook. "Sirius? Something wrong?"
"He's just upset that you'll abandon him, right, Sirius?" Peter drawled.
"She's not moving him to Tibet, you know," Remus explained. "He'll see us again."
Still, Sirius said nothing.
"Maybe he's in shock?" Peter suggested.
Sirius slammed his book shut with a bang. Okay, so he wasn't in shock. He glared hotly at all three of us in turn, ending on my face. He growled, "Am I the only one who sees the problem here?"
Remus and Peter pretended to think hard, adding a lot of "hm"s for good measure. Finally, Remus answered sagely, "Well, James loves Lily very much. We have reason to believe that Lily loves James. They are both very good-looking. They can have intelligent conversation which will help when they are no longer good-looking. They've never cheated on each other or ever wished to. James and Lily both have good chances of getting high paying jobs so they won't starve. I know for a fact that James has been looking at real estate and now I know precisely why. In conclusion, there are no problems."
"Thank you, Professor Remus," I said, giggling.
"You forgot something, Professor," Sirius answered, scathingly, "Their ages."
"Oh, they're similar in age so…" Remus began but Sirius cut him off.
"They're too young! They're kids!" Sirius replied angrily. "I can't believe you of all people didn't think of that."
"Look who's talking! You're the same age!" I answered.
"I'm not getting married, am I? Even if I did have a girlfriend, I wouldn't ask her now."
"Sirius," Peter groaned, "You're making a big fuss over how old they are?"
"It's a very legit reason! They're too bloody young!"
"Sirius, don't swear!" Remus barked.
"Shut up! All of you," I said, before Peter could add anything. "Sirius, so what if I'm eighteen?"
Sirius took a deep, calming breath. "You're still a kid. You have no idea what the world is like. You have no idea how to make a house run. You barely know each other. Yes, you've seen each other at school but everyone has a home face and when you share a house, you can't just run away."
"Sirius, I think you're being a bit melodramatic," Remus replied.
"My parents married a week after they left school. In Hogsmeade, in fact. Within a year, their marriage was near ruin. Six years after that, they filed for divorce. They died instead. They were twenty-four years old. They really didn't know each other and they grew apart and then they died. End of story."
"Sirius, this might be a little different…" Remus answered but Sirius snapped back, "Were you there?"
"No, of course not."
"Then shut up."
"But you weren't there either, Sirius," Peter cut in, "there could've been obvious signs from the start, signs James and Lily don't have and will never have."
"Okay," I said, "you're upset. Fine. But I'm going to ask anyway, I just wanted some ideas on how to ask."
"You're not listening to me, are you? I oppose this. I'm not helping you with this," Sirius said with anger.
"Oh, don't be difficult, Sirius," Peter whined.
"I won't be difficult. I won't be there," Sirius replied, turning back to his closed textbook.
"Well, that's settled then," I said then paused. Confused, I asked, "What do you mean 'I won't be there'?"
"It means what I said."
"Where won't you be?"
"At the wedding."
We were stunned into silence. He couldn't mean… he couldn't possibly mean… "Sirius, you can't be saying…"
"I am not going to encourage something I don't agree with. I'm boycotting your wedding. I'm boycotting your marriage."
"I was going to make you my best man!" I stammered.
"Tough. I'm not going."
"I need you there!"
"That's your problem."
We begged and pleaded with Sirius to change his mind but he wouldn't budge an inch. This was a disaster! My best friend was opposing my marriage! I thought maybe Remus would be the one to balk, not Sirius. As I laid awake that night, I pondered my predicament. Finally, I had a brilliant idea that Sirius actually went for. Remus and Peter still call it "The Great Padfoot and Prongs Compromise" like it should be in the next edition of the History of Magic textbooks. The compromise was this: I would not marry Lily right away. I would propose next year. This would allow us to grow up a little more and experience the real world and find a sense of self before uniting as a martial unit. In return, Sirius would attend the wedding without objections.
*** ***
Once he had placed his muffler in a secure and safe spot, after giving Lily a heart attack by joking that he was going to lay the oily muffler on the family room carpet (which caused a teapot to fly at him), he rode off loudly on his motorcycle wearing a pristine and crisp tuxedo, his wedding present in the compartment under the seat. Only Sirius could make a desire to be anywhere but at this wedding look like a ride into battle. That night was relatively quiet without Sirius filling the silence with noise. Lily and I bounced names off each other and went to bed.
The next morning, I awoke before Lily did. It was nice and warm under the covers and I was perfectly content to lay there all Sunday but a strange noise attracted my attention. A creak of bed springs. They weren't my bed springs obviously but rather the sound was coming from the baby's room-to-be. Then I heard mumbles. Two different mumbles: a low, deep murmur which had to be Sirius' and a softer, higher murmur which I couldn't identify. Apparently, I thought, Sirius has brought home a guest.
There is something else you should know about me: I can really hold a grudge.
*** ***
I've told you that I started dating Lily at the end of my fifth year. What I didn't mention is that I was hopelessly, madly, blindly in love with her during the summer before fourth year. I first met Lily in the classroom. I had heard her name during the Sorting but I had never heard of the Evanses before so I assumed correctly that she was Muggle-born. During my childhood, my pureblood playmates and their older brothers and sisters told me horror stories about Muggles eating babies and kidnapping you and stealing your magic away. Muggle-born wizards and witches were slow and stupid and sneaky. Lucius told me that his father always said that the "Mudbloods" (a word my parents never, ever let me use) only were allowed to Hogwarts because people pitied them like abused dogs in the gutter. They only made it through, he added, because they cheated and tricked the teachers into giving them good grades.
I had never met a Muggle or a Muggle-born in my life before Hogwarts so I really had to go on Lucius' word. My parents didn't go as far as hating Muggles and Muggle-borns but at the time, they really didn't think Muggle-borns could measure up to Magical-borns. They changed their minds once I introduced Lily but I'm getting ahead of myself. So, Lily sat next to me and I trembled. What if she sucked my magic away? What she cheated off me? She talked to me kindly. Correction: she talked at me. I didn't talk back but this wasn't personal. I didn't talk to anyone but teachers and that was only when they called on me.
Eventually, once I had broken out of my shell, Lily and I became great friends and academic rivals. When tests were handed back, we press them against our chest, look at them quickly and then carefully compare scores. Lily was my intellectual equal. Sure, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were great for just goofing off and doing guy things but for hour-long discussion of wand techniques, Lily was the only one.
Around fourth year, I started noticing something odd: everyone was growing up. Sirius got fuzz in third year, he wanted to keep it but Madame Pomfrey found out and he had to shave it off. Remus started to grow like a crazy tree. Peter's voice broke. And I... still looked eleven. I had no beard, I was still short, and my voice was still squeaky. Everyone around me was growing into men and women and I was still a kid.
No one made me feel more like a child than Lily. Perfect Lily, with her shoulder-length auburn hair and bright green eyes. She was taller than me now and had grown, uh, more asserts during the summer before fourth year. I was mesmerized. She was Aphrodite, Athena, and Artemis in one body. Everywhere she went, my eyes followed her. No matter where I was, her voice floated over to me. Lily seemed to have sucked out the vitality of the sun into her eyes for it had grown dim for me. She was food, she was water, she was air. There was nothing else. I was her slave.
Yes, I was in love. The problem was I was tortured by it. I looked at myself in the mirror and I hated the person who stared back. I saw a tiny, wimpy little eleven-year-old boy. His hair was awful, sticking out all over the place, wouldn't lay flat no matter what he did. He stared back at me with muck brown eyes behind those stupid, lame glasses. Oh, those glasses. Every day, I hated them more. If I could just get rid of these stupid, damn glasses, I told myself, she'd notice me then. Sirius didn't wear glasses and he had girls falling at his feet. I wanted to throw them out the window, hear the glasses shatter below the tower. The glasses had to go! I finally decided not to wear them one day. To make a long story short, I only ended up humiliating myself when I accidentally Transfigured my quill into a rose.
When vanity failed, I had to content myself with my charm. Wait, what charm? Oh sure, I played pranks and made people laugh but Sirius got more laughs than I did. I noticed quickly that I was lacking that special something. Sirius was funny and confident. He was the type of boy who'd make a girl laugh and perhaps bring a little excitement into her life. Remus was a waif with such a delicate soul. Girls just wanted to mother him, feed him soup, and listen to his soft, controlled voice. Peter was the boy next door, the average boy, the one a girl can take home to Mother. He wasn't gorgeous so a girl didn't have to worry about a model stealing him away but he was pleasant to look at anyway.
I was the odd one out. In confusion, I started to develop four separate me's: two fake and two real. The fakes were the playful, prankster James who hung around that crazy Sirius Black and the quiet, studious James who cared deeply about his grades and studied endlessly. These were what people around me saw. Even now, people will describe me as either of those two. The real me was insecure, shaky, and hopelessly in love with a girl who would never love him back. And then there was Prongs.
Prongs was my Animagus form. I remember being extremely upset when I discovered my form was a deer (although I learned later that the proper term is stag). Great, I'm Bambi, I thought. Remus was a wolf (although not by choice), Sirius was a huge, Grim-like dog, even Peter's form as a rat was useful for sneaking around in people's pockets. As I changed into Prongs more often, however, I grew to love it. I stood head and shoulders above all others. My coat was sleek and dark, my antlers, when they were grown, were bleach white and powerful. I was the epitome of quiet strength. I once gazed into a lake and saw my reflection and found myself in complete awe. As Prongs, I was confident. Prongs could do anything. I wanted to be like Prongs all the time, I wanted that quiet aura of strength.
But, as much as I wished, Prongs could not carry over into my human life. But I dreamed. I constantly daydreamed. I was always the hero in these fantasies. I saved Lily from vampires, dragons, and witch-burning Muggles. My favorite was saving her from Lucius Malfoy's insults. I'll show him someday, I always vowed. He'd say "Mudblood" and I would gallantly take out my wand and throw a spell on him, paralyzing him. Lily would swoon into my arms and look up at me with those beautiful emeralds of hers and whisper about how brave I was and I would say the most romantic mush back and she'd sigh with adoration. At night, I had my racy fantasies about Lily, like every teenaged boy does. In these, I was often caught by surprise but Lily would always be so aroused by my manliness and courage that I couldn't dare refuse whatever situation my hormones had cooked up to involve Lily and I in. Come on, I was fourteen and in love with a pretty girl, do you blame me?
Although I dreamed of terrific words to woo Lily by, I could never get the words to my mouth. The words that did make it were scrambled and made me sound like an idiot. So, I sulked and mentally kicked myself for being such a loser. Don't lie to yourself, I thought bitterly, Lily wants Remus, not you.
Yes, I was positive she wanted Remus. As I've said, girls wanted to mother him. Lily mothered him the most. Why wouldn't she want Remus? He was smart, kind, compassionate, always knew what to say in any situation, respectful, and very handsome. He looked older than fourteen, he looked so grown-up and acted like an adult. The girls went nuts over him. Who in their right mind would even consider the scrawny, child-like James Potter who keeps asking for quills to borrow if he speaks at all? The pure-bloods all said that, when they thought I wasn't listening or perhaps when they knew I was listening, I could never tell which. I was just a little boy in a room full of grown men. I'll admit it, I was terribly bitter. Here I was, my heart bleeding in my throat and she wants my friend. Sad, pathetic Remus Lupin, who is always off to visit his sick mother or grandmother or whoever. What a sweetheart, caring about his family that much! I tried very hard not to be angry with Remus. I knew the truth. His life was hell on earth. But it wasn't fair! He didn't even like her back, and that's what made it so hard. I suffered my love alone and buried my resentment of Remus' appeal down deep. Of course, it came out in my dreams, where I saved Lily a number of times from werewolves.
Until, one night, it became reality.
I truly hope it is better now at Hogwarts than it was when I was young. Back in my school days, Muggle-borns were treated as second-class citizens. It wasn't just a small group that insulted Lily and others like Lily, it was a sizable myriad of individuals. I suppose that kind of pressure would get to anyone. I knew the torment of being taunted for something I couldn't control.
It was fifth year. I was still madly in love with Lily and still secretly bitter at Remus for supposedly having her affections. Through it all, I still had a duty to the Marauders: the moon. Every full moon, I'm ashamed to admit, we (Peter, Sirius, and I), sneaked out to the Whomping Willow, where Peter would transform and touch the knot, stilling the branches. We'd all transform then and crawl down into the tunnel and retrieve Remus when he was a werewolf and lead him back outside to wander around and explore. Oh, we thought we were very clever. With the three of us, Remus would always be in check. There were a couple of minor instances but we laughed them off. No one really was in any danger. We had no idea what would have happened if the worst had happened. We were a bunch of invincible teenagers, nothing could stop us! Oh, yes, we were a bunch of total dumbasses.
One of these nights, we were tromping around the Forbidden Forest when something caught Moony's (we always referred to the werewolf as Moony to separate the monster from Remus) attention. Now, the purpose of the Animagi forms were to control him if anything happened. Control him, not stop him. Moony had smelled human flesh and sprinted off after the scent. We darted after him, trying to beat him to the prize.
The prize was a young fifth-year red-haired girl: Lily. Lily, for some reason, was standing around in the Forest, holding out her wand. As Moony charged towards her, she screamed. I ran in front of Moony, cutting him off and lifted Lily up by my antlers, throwing her on my back and carrying her away as Padfoot (Sirius) fought Moony into submission.
Lily rode me to the lake and I found myself at a loss. What now? Lily was shaking on my back. "That werewolf was huge," she muttered. I grunted in response in my effort to say, "You think?"
She patted me on the neck. "But what is a deer doing with a werewolf?" I grunted again. STAG! I'm a boy! Deers are girls! Geez, I've got antlers for Heaven's sake. "I guess it really doesn't matter. You can't understand me anyway." She patted my neck again. I trotted back to the school doors closest to the entrance to Gryffindor. I lowered my neck to allow her to dismount. She got off my back. "Thanks." She then moved to go back to the Forest. Was she nuts? I stepped in her way. She stared at me and stepped to the other side but I blocked her path. "Perhaps this is my cue to go back, huh?" I nodded. Lily gave me a funny look. "Strange. For a second there I thought you could understand me. But that's ridiculous." Lily headed back to Gryffindor Tower. The next morning, we all concerned that Lily had been in the Forest but we agreed that it was probably a fluke. She was probably terrified by the sight and will never try again.
Did she prove us wrong! The next moon, Moony caught the scent again and darted after it. Again, it was Lily, holding out her wand but this time she did not scream. However, I followed the same routine, lifting her up and racing to the lake. Again, Lily patted my neck and thanked me for saving her but still expressed surprise at my behavior. I took her back to the castle and, sighing, she returned to the Tower. The next morning, we shrugged at each other. She'll give up now, whatever the hell she's doing. But no! She came back the third moon and I had to save her again.
We had enough of this nonsense. It was hard enough running around with a werewolf without worrying about him eating someone. It didn't seem like Lily had any intention of stopping. We hadn't the faintest clue why she was following us. We knew Severus Snape and Oliver Whetstone were tracking us because they were Slytherins and that House is annoying like that but this was Lily. My friends decided that since I was better friends with her and she respected me, I should be the one to tell her to stop going out on the full moon. I could just lie and pretend I saw her sneaking out for the past three months and I was concerned since there are rumors of dark creatures. Perfect plan, right?
This is going to sound weird but I was taking a little too much pleasure in saving Lily month after month. Her life was in my hands, or rather, on my back. After every rescue, she'd touch my neck and speak to me and I could have just melted on the spot. Half of me agreed with the Marauders that everyone's safety was at risk if this continued but the lovesick, selfish half wanted it to never end. I wanted to stay the hero. I tried and failed countless times to drum up the courage to bring up the subject, my two desires of loyalty and love waging battle in my soul. If I had been older, I would have been having daily ulcers.
By the time of the fourth moon, I hadn't said a thing. Remus suggested that we not go out since I hadn't convinced Lily to stay in but Sirius insisted, "You need company and company you'll get!" The routine was the same as before. Soon after moon rise, Moony caught the scent of human flesh and gave chase. Padfoot gave me as Prongs a stern look before bounding after him. I rescued Lily, same as before. I led her to the lake.
Lily was shaking, as she always did, patting my neck as she spoke, "How strange. Every time, you save me. Don't you understand why I'm doing this? Werewolves are dangerous." You should talk, I thought back at her. She continued, "I don't understand how a deer could be friends with a werewolf. It defies logic! Maybe if I read a little more on it, I'd get it but as it is. I have to prove to everyone that I'm as much a witch as anyone else. If I manage to destroy that werewolf on my own, they will have to admit that I am a witch, just like them." I grunted angrily. All this was because Lily was tired of being called "Mudblood" by Lucius Malfoy. Why didn't this hate end? She was absolutely wonderful in every way and yet all that mattered to some people was her bloody parents! I paced angrily in the grass for a long time.
Just before dawn, I realized that Lily had to get back to the Tower. I also noticed that Lily was being very quiet. I turned my head to look at her: she was sleeping. I stared at her slumbering form for several moments before figuring out that it was now impossible for her to dismount. I couldn't stay a stag forever! I couldn't throw her off, I'd hurt her. Maybe if I was careful, I could lay down and shake her off and then quickly Transfigure myself back and pretend I found her. Yes, that's it! I found her because I noticed her sneaking out but I didn't dare last night because it was too late and I'm concerned about her safety. Yes, that's what I'll say.
I lowered myself down and shifted my weight. Lily rolled off my back. I stood up. The sun was peeking over the horizon. Time was short so I turned back into myself. I heard a gasp behind me. Lily was awake.
"It was you!" she exclaimed.
"Me what?"
"You were the deer that saved me. It was you all along!"
"You were dreaming!" I backed away from her.
"I was not dreaming!" Lily got up triumphantly. "You're an Animagus!"
I was too stunned to speak. I would be expelled. There was no other alternative. I hadn't broken some silly Hogwarts rule but International Wizarding Law. How would I explain this my parents?
"I can't believe it!" Lily glared at me. "There are million things that can go wrong, James! And it's illegal! Illegal in every country!"
"I know," I mumbled.
Her eyes shining, she breathed, "Amazing. Simply amazing."
"Yes, I know and I shouldn't've... wait, what?" I was baffled. Lily was impressed by my obvious rule breaking.
"How did you do it? Actually, better yet, why did you do it?" Lily appeared to be thinking hard but then her eyes widened. "The werewolf. Werewolves can't hurt animals, except by killing them, but if one was an Animagus, then the human part of the wolf can stay in control. It's all make sense. That's why you kept saving me! That's why you were with the werewolf in the first place! It's all so simple!"
"Lily, don't ask any more questions..."
"Who is it?"
"Does it matter?"
She ignored my pleas. "It's not you, obviously. The only likely candidates are Peter, Sirius, and Remus." She thought this over. "Can't be Peter. He's got that silver watch. Leaving Sirius and Remus..."
"Lily, it doesn't matter who it is... please, stop..."
"But Sirius stole that silver brooch once, I saw him. He must have stolen it to test it on Remus! It's Remus, isn't it?"
"Lily, please..."
"Tell me! I'm right, aren't I?"
I groaned in exasperation. "Yes, yes, it's Remus. Please, don't tell anyone."
"I wasn't going to. It explains a lot."
There was a long awkward pause. I coughed loudly as the wind blew a sharp breeze through our hair. Finally, I managed to choke out, "Lily, were you really going to destroy the werewolf?"
"Yes," Lily said, "yes, I was."
"You do realize that if you had done that, you would have killed Remus as well."
Tears came to Lily's eyes. "I know. I just realized that. I understand why you did what you did now. Oh, God, I could've killed him!" Lily hastening wiped the tears away and said, "You're a very noble friend, James. Remus is very lucky."
"I'm... glad you think so..." I stammered. We started to walk back to the Tower. As we approached the door, Lily turned to me and said, "Did you know... that deer are my favorite animals?"
"Really?" I sputtered.
"Ever since I was little." She paused, staring into my spectacles. "Thanks for everything." Before entering, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek.
*** ***
My goodness. What a long tangent that was. You're probably sitting there wondering when I was going to talk about the grudge. You're thinking I forgot. I haven't, don't worry, I just figured that I'd offer some background. A bit much, yes, but necessary.
I valued Lily's love very much. My parents being upstanding citizens, I couldn't afford to flaunt my physical longings for Lily. My public displays of affections were not public, confined to empty classrooms and broom closets, and never much more than light petting and even that was scandalous. Those moments were few but precious.
My sixth year, our team won the Quidditch Cup against Slytherin. The Gryffindors were euphoric over our marvelous victory. The entire Common Room was a large party. I was dating Lily at this point and we tried to have a decent conversation but there was too much noise so we headed up to the boys' dormitory. I shared my dorm with my three friends. The dorm was abandoned so Lily and I could actually speak to one another. We laid on my bed, staring up at my canopy, in silence. We could hear the party downstairs but we were separate from it, impartial.
"You were great today," Lily whispered. I was Chaser for the team, in case you're wondering.
"Was I?"
"I was so nervous. I could barely sit still. Do I still have fingernail marks on my face?"
"No, not anymore."
"Did you and Ryan Attrape plan that last play?"
"Where I scored and he caught the Snitch in the same instant? No."
"It was flawless," Lily breathed, in awe. "Like dancing. You always look like you're dancing up there."
"I could see you in the crowd," I murmured, drawing her close.
"What, kept thinking I was the Quaffle?"
"No. You were quite distracting, though. You always distract me."
She pulled herself closer. Her hair smelled so good. "Was I that distracting? I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"Well, I can't pay attention to the rest of the game when you fly. I didn't even know Ryan had caught the Snitch until Helena started screaming in my ear. I just kept watching you, flying up and down," Lily whispered, her finger going up and down my chest with her index finger to go with her words. I shivered. "Do you like that?"
"Yes, very much," I croaked out. I saw her glance over my shoulder. The door was closed. No one was going to miss us. She kissed me. I grabbed her hair in my fists. It was no different than any other kissing match at first. Something was born inside me that night, in that moment. I wanted... no, I needed more. We became more fierce in our passions but it wasn't enough.
My parents always preached against pre-martial sex. For a long time, I agreed with their sound advice. Annoying, I had to admit, but solid, reasonable advice. That night, I was convinced that my parents had no idea what they were talking about.
I could barely speak. "Lily, please..."
She read my mind. "Yes."
I will spare you the gory details but let me say that I was only a button fly away from giving Lily that special hug that a mummy and daddy give each other when they love each other very much. Both of our shirts off, we stared in each other's eyes. I bent down to kiss Lily on the lips.
The door banged open, shaking the bed posts. "Hey! James, are you...?!" It was Sirius. His voice died. Lily shoved me upwards and my hand went for my discarded glasses. His face was in utter shock, his mouth hanging open. None of us could say a word, frozen like a Muggle painting. Slowly, Sirius closed his mouth into a wicked smile. His eyes went from me, to Lily, and back to me. He crossed his arms and said, in a very amused voice, "Sorry to interrupt."
Mortified, Lily quickly scrambled for her shirt, throwing it on and buttoning it unevenly. She ran out of the room while zipping her pants back up, her face red. I heard the girls' dorm's door slam. I was still dumbstruck. Sirius was obviously forcing himself not to laugh as he said, "I was just checking on where you were."
I finally found my voice. I hissed, "Get out."
"Whoopsie!" Sirius catcalled as he shut the door behind him. I growled and sulked on my bed for the rest of the night as the party raged downstairs.
As night turned into morning, I was still in bed, although I had gotten up to dress and ready for bed, as Remus and Sirius stumbled in wearily. I kept the curtains drawn, only speaking to affirm that I was in bed when Remus asked. Ten minutes later, Peter ran in, slamming the door behind him.
"Did a hurricane hit you or something?" I heard Remus ask.
"Something like that," Peter replied smugly. The three continued to ready themselves for bed in silence. When the light was turned off, I supposed that they were all too exhausted to discuss anything. Ten minutes later, Sirius' voice rang out, "Peter?"
"Yeah?"
"Where did you go?"
Remus' voice added, "You simply vanished!" There was a pause. "Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, Theresa Hearse disappeared too."
"Funny how that worked out," Sirius replied. "So, where did you get off to?"
I could hear Peter smiling. "The Astronomy Tower." Remus laughed as Sirius howled in a dog-like manner.
"Peter's a man!" Sirius screamed.
"Was she good?" Remus asked seriously. He could make any subject sound as clean as a History of Magic discussion.
"Well, with as much experience as her, what do you think?" Peter answered. Sirius howled.
I buried my head under my pillow. I growled, "Can we go to sleep now?"
"Who bit you today?" Peter snapped.
Sirius whistled innocently from his bed. "Shut up!" I hollered.
"I didn't say anything," Sirius coolly replied.
"What's the matter?" Remus asked. "Is Lily mad?"
"Can we go to sleep?" I begged.
"Well, since Sirius obviously knows all," Peter suggested, "why doesn't he just tell us while James sleeps?" Remus laughed at that.
"Sirius is not to going to say a thing because he has no right to."
There was silence. Finally, Remus drew a loud, sharp intake of breath. "Oh, I see now."
"See what?" Peter asked.
"Go to sleep!" I demanded.
Remus ignored Peter. "Sirius, how could you...?"
"I didn't know, okay? I just walked in and there they were," Sirius explained vaguely.
"Were they actually...?" Peter, finally catching on, asked.
"Close," Sirius answered.
"So, you interrupted, is that it?" Remus offered.
I slammed my fists down against me. "Great! Everyone knows that I'm a virgin now! My life is complete!"
"There's nothing wrong with that," Remus tried to comfort me. I heard Sirius snort. Peter coughed uncomfortably. I rolled my eyes. "You two are not helping!" Remus barked at the other two.
"James," Sirius, finally composed, provided, "it's not like you're alone on this. Remus is a virgin, right?" Silence. "Right, Remus?" Silence. "Right?"
Remus coughed. "Uh... actually..."
"Actually what?" I snapped.
"Remember when I dated Narcissa a year ago?"
"I tried very hard to forget it," Sirius replied.
"Well, yes, and well, she was... very advanced... so, I... you know..."
There was silence. Then Sirius shrieked, "EW! That's sick! I'm going to throw up now. Remus and Narcissa... yuck."
"Remus!" Peter whined, gagging, "her essence is all over this room because of you! You've contaminated the dorm! We're going to have to sanitize the room now!"
"You dating Narcissa was bad enough, Remus," I moaned, "but you and Narcissa actually... ugh." My skin crawled.
The issue of my virginity was forgotten. I never forgave Sirius for his carelessness. When the door is closed and I am no where else and Lily is gone too, it should be obvious where we are. For the next year, I tracked Sirius now and tried to ruin his most intimate moments with his girlfriends but I was always one step behind.
*** ***
But, finally, my chance to catch him at a disadvantage had come.
I slowly crept out of bed. On my tiptoes, I dressed myself, scarcely breathing. I held my breath as I heard footfalls in the hall. Sirius and Mystery Girl were trying to make a getaway. I slowly opened my bedroom door, putting my hand over the hinge to silence the squeak. Sirius and a girl with shoulder-length were starting to descend my staircase. The woman looked slightly younger than him, perhaps three years at most, and she was wearing Sirius' spare clothes. They scarcely paid attention to me, intent on exiting my house. I crept up behind them and ducked into Sirius' new room.
In the room was simply a cot with undone sheets. A causal glance at the sheets told me that Sirius and Mystery Girl had indeed been quite intimate with each other, or as Remus liked to phrase it, "had a private lesson about Anatomy". The wardrobe was still open, obviously the "friend's" new outfit had come from there a few seconds before. Besides Sirius' usual possessions (dirty laundry hamper, comb, etc), a discarded tuxedo and peach bridesmaid dress were shoved under the cot. Beside the door was a sparkly peach purse. Curious, I picked up the purse, opened it and found tissues, breath mints, pain pills, feminine supplies, a Self-Inking quill, small notepad, and a wallet. I took out the wallet and saw an Apparation license. Our new friend was named Marguerite Malina. She was twenty-four years old, had brown hair (duh), gray eyes, 5 foot 4, and lived in England. Well, well, well, Miss Malina, I'll be a nice person and return this, shall I?
I re-entered the hall and heard Sirius putting on his shoes below me, most likely near the front door.
"Are you well enough to drive?" Marguerite whispered.
"I'll manage," Sirius mumbled back.
With a smile on my face, I called out to him, "Sirius? Where are you going?"
There was a dead silence. Sirius responded, "Uh... just out on my motorcycle. I'll be back soon."
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"I have my helmet." I heard Sirius tapping it with his finger.
"Wallet?" I supplied.
"I'm just driving around, I'm don't need any..."
I interrupted Sirius with, "Not your wallet. Miss Marguerite Malina's."
Before I could blink, the woman herself sprinted up the stairs, her lovely face red with embarrassment. I gently handed her the wallet and purse. "Yours," I said. She nodded quickly and again went downstairs.
I couldn't hold it back. I laughed as I ran down the steps after her. Sirius looked absolutely violated and stunned. Marguerite buried her face in her hand. I started dancing around, singing, "I caught you, I caught you, I finally finally caught you!"
"And I'm so glad," Sirius answered in monotone.
"I bet you regret interrupting me in sixth year now, don't you?"
Sirius put his face in his hands. "James, let it go already. You've been married for six years now and now Lily's pregnant. You had plenty of chances to redeem yourself."
I panted, tired from my little song and dance. "I feel better now. Come on, have some breakfast."
Rolling his eyes while muttering "nut" under his breath, I led the pair into the dining room. I began making toast as they sat down.
"I assume you're James Potter," Marguerite said.
"Yes, I am," I answered.
"Do we have any pain medication?" Sirius moaned, pressing against the space between his eyes.
"Hangover?" I asked.
"A slight one. Too much champagne."
"Uh, how did you get home?"
"I drove," Sirius answered, as if it was obvious.
"After drinking champagne?"
"I drive better when I've had a few, trust me. Now, do you people have pain pills or do I have to brew my own?"
"In the toilet. How about you, Marguerite?"
She shook her head. "I'm fine. I don't get hung over. I get drunk fine but I never get hangovers."
"Lucky you," Sirius mumbled as he went to find some relief. With Sirius absent, the toast decided to turn brown for me and I served the toast to Marguerite and interrogated her.
"Well, what's your story? How did you end with him last night?"
Marguerite blushed as she buttered her toast. "Well, the bride is my sister, you see, and I was at the reception with everyone else. We had all heard about some mysterious cousin that my sister had never seen except in a single photo in an album. She had asked if the Black family would invite him so our family could meet him. So, we were just done taking pictures when we heard this loud roar of a motorcycle but ten times louder, coming down the street. The motorcycle drove towards the dance hall they had rented for the day and stopped in front of the wedding party. He took off his helmet, shook out his hair, and simply smiled and said, 'Hello, everyone. Nice to see you all here.' Everyone was dumbstruck. The Black family looked like they wanted to simply die on the spot but Sirius just kept smiling, chatting idly away while the Blacks gave him one-word responses."
"What about your family?"
"Well, my family was surprised but my sister looked disgusted. I could tell she didn't want him anywhere near her. Well, as for me, I was... impressed."
"Impressed?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
"I had never seen anyone do that. I could tell that his family didn't like him very much but it didn't matter to him at all, he didn't care what they thought. I've never seen anyone with such confidence. Well, after the reception was in full swing, I went up and talked to him and well, had a few drinks, a few dances together. It was fun."
"But how did you two end up back here?"
"Well, he drove me home afterwards. My goodness, it must have been three in the morning. Anyway, I forgot my house key at my sister's house! I remembered as soon as I got to the door and I have it charmed so Alohomara doesn't work. So, Sirius decided I should go home with him and I agreed so we came here." She blushed harder. "And then we went right to sleep. Out like lights."
"Uh-huh," I nodded.
"We did."
"Sure you did. Out like lights, just like you said."
Lily's voice saved her from further embarrassment by demanding, "What is this dress doing up here?"
To Be Continued...
Author's Notes: Yes, absolute pure fluff! Well, Marguerite does have a role to play later on but at the moment, enjoy the good times because everyone knows the ending of this story, don't we? A bit long, I know, but hey, the story has a life of its own. By the way, I don't support the Remus/Narcissa pairing. That's just for a bit of fun. Oh, yeah, NO ONE drives better with a few drinks! Don't drink and drive! EVER! Come on and review by either the button or e-mail me at destinyplot@lycos.com. See you later!