Disclaimer: All people and places belong to J. K. Rowling
Life Had Just Begun
By Terra
Chapter Twenty: Giveth and Taketh Away
Slightly closing the door to give Lily some privacy, we walked to the main entrance. When we were a corridor away, Sirius suddenly asked, "Say, James, Harry was born on July 31st, right?"
"Uh, yes, of course. Why?"
"Isn't Halloween nine months ago?" Sirius turned his head over his shoulder and grinned slyly. "What happened on Halloween?"
I stopped cold and my breath caught in my throat. I could feel my face burning up. Now that he mentioned it, it was the only date that made sense. For weeks before, we had barely seen each other. Either one of us was working late, we were both working late, one of us wasn't "in the mood" when the other was, or neither of us was. On the day of the Ministry Halloween party, we barely spoke as we got ready, barely registering what the other was doing. When we got to the party, we separated briefly for ten minutes. After that, we sat down on chairs along the walls, right next each other, not even looking at each other. Suddenly, Lily turned to me to comment on something and I turned my head towards her to listen when our eyes met. It was like meeting for the first time. It felt like I had never noticed how beautiful she was before and perhaps she was thinking the same thing about me because her voice just died away. We stared at each other, taking each other in as the temperature seemed to rise sharply in the room. Without words, we collectively decided that we had to go home that very instant or explode. Without even telling anyone that we were leaving, we both Apparated home. Once we both arrived home, we ran upstairs, leaving a trail of clothes behind us. Yup, no other day made sense.
"Yeah, I think that was it," I managed to choke out.
"Oh, yuck!" Sirius shivered. "Just got a mental image. Ew!" He shook his hair as if to shake out the bad thoughts.
"Come on, you sicko, we have a baby's room to finish up," I ordered, continuing on. "And you have a date still."
"Ugh," Sirius moaned, "the suspense is killing me. Why couldn't've she just said last night? It better not be something really dumb."
"You never know," I answered, shrugging.
A few corridors later, Sirius stopped and I nearly crashed into the back of him from walking mindlessly. "Say, is that Marguerite?" he asked.
"Do you have her on the brain or something? Is every woman you see Marguerite?" I demanded.
"No, really. Look." I moved so I could see around Sirius and it did look like Marguerite. Marguerite was in a perpendicular corridor to ours, wearing what appeared to a white hospital gown. She was looking around the place in a sort of daze. Her hair was messed up, like she had just woken up. "What is she doing here?" Before I could ask to explain what was the matter with her, he glided over to her and touched her shoulder. She jumped in alarm and he smiled. "Hey, what are you doing here? Is that new outfit?" Her grey eyes opened wide and she trembled with apparent fright. "We were supposed to meet at four, weren't we? At your house?"
"Sirius," I suggested gently, not wanting to startle Marguerite, "I think there's something wrong."
Marguerite seemed to want to get away from Sirius, to which he frowned. "Marguerite, what's wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen?" He moved closer to touch her face but she pushed him away.
"Who are you?" she cried frightfully.
"Sirius," he answered slowly, confused, "Sirius Black. Your fiancé. Marguerite, what's going on?"
She shook her head madly. "I don't understand."
"You don't understand what?"
"Who are you?"
"Sirius Black. You know me, we're engaged, remember?" She shook her head. "Is this some sort of practical joke?"
"I don't get it!"
"You don't get what?" Sirius demanded frantically.
"I don't know!" she cried tearfully, putting her face in her hands. "I don't know where I am, who you are, who I am, or anything!"
Sirius looked at me to see if I knew what was going on but I shook my head and backed away. I didn't know anything either. Sirius turned back to Marguerite and said softly, "It's alright. You're in St. Mungo's Hospital. Were you hurt? Did someone hurt you?"
"I don't know!"
"Okay, okay. Just be calm, everything is going to be alright now. I'll fetch a doctor for you, let me just take your hand..."
But Marguerite didn't want Sirius anywhere near her. When he brushed her elbow, she launched herself backwards and screamed in his face, "Don't touch me!"
"What is the matter with you?" he demanded, stepping towards her.
"Stay away!"
"I just want you to calm…"
She broke into tears again, thrusting her face into her hands again, shaking her head madly. It was then I noticed that she had on a hospital bracelet. Before I could call his attention to it, a team of doctors and nurses ran down the hall.
"You!" a middle-aged nurse shouted, pointing at Sirius, "stay away from her!"
"I'm just trying to help," he explained. Marguerite continued to cry as the group gathered around her.
"It's alright, dear," an elderly doctor said soothingly, "no one is going to hurt you."
Marguerite raised her face from her hands and looked around her. Finally, she shrieked, "Who are you people?!"
They appeared stunned at her reaction. "Marguerite," one nurse about her age replied, "we're the nurses here. We work with you." Marguerite shook her head madly and tried to back out of the circle formed around her.
"I don't know any of you. You're all strangers," Marguerite muttered in a frightened tone.
"No, Marguerite, we're your friends. We want to help you," the young woman replied. "We're going to take you back to your room."
"No," Marguerite squeaked. Apparently fed up, a nurse grabbed Marguerite's arm. The scene dissolved into complete pandemonium with a lot of pulling and screaming. Finally, a doctor ran on to the scene: Doctor Harvey. "What is going on here?"
The middle-aged nurse released her hold on one of the younger nurses and answered, "Miss Malina escaped from her room and was wandering the corridors when she was attacked by this man!" She pointed to Sirius.
"I wasn't attacking her!" he objected. "She just became upset for no reason!"
"Are you Sirius Black?" Doctor Harvey asked. "Hello, James," he greeted, turning to me, "how are you?"
"Fine," I answered meekly.
"Yes, I'm Sirius Black!" Sirius snapped. "What is the matter with Marguerite?"
"We were just about to find out. Now that she is awake, we can find out even faster." He turned to Marguerite, who was still shivering from fright. "Miss Malina, which is you by the way, we want to help you and you need to go back to your room. No one, not even this man, Mr. Black, is going to hurt you. Do you know who I am?" Marguerite shook her head. "I'm Doctor Harvey."
"Who am I?" Marguerite asked. Sirius made some sort of weird noise in his throat and the nurses looked horrified.
"Your name is Marguerite Malina." He paused to give Marguerite time to digest that. She repeated her name to him slowly, unconfidently. "You are twenty-four years old." She nodded to show that she had understood her age. "We should take you back to your room for some tests."
"Can I come?" Sirius blurted out. Doctor Harvey seemed to think about it carefully before nodding to show his assent. Doctor Harvey took Marguerite's hand gently and led her to the "Dark Arts Treatment" wing. Several of the nurses and doctors drifted away until a small group of nurses and two other doctors followed Doctor Harvey, Marguerite, Sirius, and me.
When we reached her room, Doctor Harvey told us that regulations stated that we had to wait outside (since we were not related by blood or marriage) so he Conjured chairs for us to sit on as the medical team and Marguerite went inside. I sat but Sirius was a bundle of energy and spent his waiting moving from sitting to standing to pacing and then back to awkwardly sitting to start the process all over again. We must have waited for an hour in total silence besides Sirius' half mutters under his breath before Doctor Harvey emerged.
"May I ask you what relationship you have with Miss Malina?" he asked.
"We're engaged," Sirius answered. "Why?"
Doctor Harvey nodded like the old childhood doctors did during my physical examinations. It was a bad sort of nod but I wasn't sure if Sirius was aware of the difference between a regular nod and a "this is very grave" nod.
"I would like to speak to you privately," he said and then added, "There is, of course, no reason for Mr. Potter to stay. He may leave if he wishes to do so."
"I'll stay," I answered.
"Follow me to my office. Mr. Potter may wait outside while we… discuss Miss Malina's condition."
We followed him to his office and Doctor Harvey opened the door for Sirius who looked at me and then at him uncertainly. I gave him a quick reassuring smile but Doctor Harvey merely indicated the room. From what I could see before he closed the door, it was very well decorated and he had many honors and awards on the walls. It snapped shut and I was alone in the hallway.
I don't know how long I waited. There was no doubt in my mind that she had been the victim of a Death Eater attack but why the secrecy? Doctors never usually made a huge effort to hide the fact. Was something else wrong? The amnesia was obvious but there was no need to drag Sirius alone into his office to discuss it. And what had caused the amnesia anyway? I was hoping that Sirius would tell me when he emerged.
The door was thrust open and Sirius stalked out forcefully. "Mr. Black," Doctor Harvey called, running out after him. "you really should get your bearings and have a moment to just calm down."
Sirius turned around to face him and said with obviously forced calm, "I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm going home."
"Just sit a moment, it's okay to be upset, it's perfectly natural."
"I'm fine," Sirius snapped. "I'm going home. Come on, James."
"Well, okay," I reluctantly agreed, getting up from my chair.
"Mr. Black, I really think…" Doctor Harvey pleaded.
"I am going home," Sirius answered forcefully. With that, he turned on his foot and headed to the Apparation point.
Doctor Harvey looked at me and ordered, "Watch him. He might do something rash." I nodded and trotted after Sirius, who was speed walking away from me.
"Sirius," I asked gently, "what happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Sirius snapped and added harshly, "I don't want to talk about it to Remus or Peter either, understand?"
If it had been in another situation or another person, I would told him to shove it but the look on his face, especially his eyes, made me agree. Friend or foe made little difference to Sirius at this point.
When we Apparated home, Sirius slammed himself on the couch, stretched out his arms over the back and glared at my fireplace. I, not wanting to test him, stayed in the kitchen, pacing around. Comforting others is not a strong skill of mine. I like to add reason to a situation but actual comfort is beyond my range. Sirius said nothing as he stared at the wall. He didn't even move or twitch. He just stared in breathtaking silence. As each minute passed, I grew more and more uneasy. I opened up cupboards in a vain search for something I could do. I wasn't hungry, not with this lead mound in my stomach. I considered making tea but the calming tea of the Tapp Family had a slight problem. The fact that it was a secret kind of made it hard for someone to make if they weren't privy to the secret. I had no hot chocolate left and I definitely wasn't in the mood for coffee. Finally, I stood in my kitchen, staring at the cupboards as if the paneling could tell me what to do.
And Sirius merely stared at my fireplace in silence.
*** ***
The last time I had seen him drop this low was when Clarissa died. It was a beautiful day to just hang out in. All four of us had met for a meal and were talking over future plans, present events, and past histories. It was a very good time for us back then. Admittedly, Lord Voldemort was running around killing people but for our little world, life was good. Sirius had even broken up with Gertrude, whom we all had hated, after he caught her cheating on him.
Around four, Sirius remembered an alteration that he had cast on the motorbike, which he had to show us. His bike was back at his complex so we all headed back to his flat to get his key. When we were heading up to his door, his neighbour was talking to someone in a nurse's uniform.
"Oh, never mind," she was saying, "that's him there." The neighbour pointed at Sirius and the nurse turned around.
"Well, hello," Sirius greeted merrily as he went to unlock his door. "How may I help you?"
"Um… I'm from St. Mungo's. Are you Sirius Black?" the nurse asked. She was very young, probably right out of Hogwarts with blonde hair tied up behind her in a ponytail.
"Yes, I am."
"Are you related to a Miss Clarissa Tapp?"
"That's right. I'm her nephew."
"I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid that your aunt has suffered an accident. She passed away an hour ago."
We all gasped in shock. Sirius had just seen her right before he came to meet us. He literally came from her house to the fountain in town. Finally, Sirius answered, "Okay, good joke, I nearly believed it" and proceeded to unlock his door.
"Um, sir, I'm not joking."
Sirius sighed. "Which one of you hired her?"
We all looked at each other to see if this was, in fact, a prank. All of us shook our heads at each other. "Sirius," Remus answered, "we didn't hire this girl."
"He's right, sir. I'm very sorry but your aunt has passed on."
"Look," Sirius replied, unlocking the door finally, "people just don't drop dead. Especially if they're thirty-six years old."
"I'm sorry but it's true."
"She's not dead," he restated, entering the flat, "I just saw her. She was in perfect health."
"Sir, your aunt is no longer living. I'm sorry but you have to..."
"For the last time, she's not dead!"
"Are you Sirius Black? Spelled S-I-R-I-U-S space B-L-A-C-K?" Sirius nodded. "Is your aunt Clarissa Tapp? Spelled C-L-A-R-I-S-S-A space T-A-P-P?" Sirius nodded. "Then I'm at the right place. I'm terribly sorry."
"There must be some mistake," Sirius remarked. "She's not dead."
"Sirius," Peter said softly, "I think she may be right. I think Clarissa's gone."
"No, she's not," Sirius replied. He swept over to his telephone and picked up the receiver. "And I'll prove it. I'm calling her now." He dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up. We could all faintly hear the phone ring again and again and again. "Must be on the toilet," he explained, smiling weakly. We all stood there in silence, waiting, hoping that Clarissa would just pick up but we all knew she wouldn't. Sirius could have waited forever and she would never pick up.
After five minutes, the nurse finally walked over, put a gentle hand on his upper arm and said softly, "Sir, come on. I'm going to take you to St. Mungo's. Your aunt is there."
"She's not dead," Sirius repeated hollowly but he hung up the phone and we all went to St. Mungo's.
We went to the ordinary Morgue, not the special Curse-related one that my father would be lying in five months later, where Clarissa, pale and stiff, lay on an examination table. The doctor there explained that the most likely cause was that she was going up the stairs, must've slipped, and fell backwards, splitting open her skull, where she suffered a hemorrhage. Elliot had found her but she had already been dead by then. Elliot was sitting there as well but he was silent and depressed.
Sirius stared at Clarissa's face for a very long time. He held her cold hand the entire time, occasionally fixing her hair. Her eyes were closed, which gave the impression that she was sleeping.
"I'm going home now," Sirius said suddenly, wrenching himself away, going towards the door. We tried to stop him, telling him that he should stay a minute, get over the initial shock. But he seemed to be in some sort of daze and just pushed us aside absent-mindedly. We all feared that Sirius had finally snapped.
A few days later, we held the funeral. It was very modest, Clarissa wasn't rich and Sirius told us that she had forbidden him to use his parents' money for her funeral, but beautiful. My parents did not come but the Lupins and Mrs. Pettigrew came. Sirius had dressed Clarissa in her prized dress, which was entirely black with ivory buttons and fancy embroidery. "She always looked good dressed in black," he explained. Sirius gave a wonderful eulogy but he gripped the stand the entire time he spoke as if he was on the verge of falling apart. Clarissa managed to be buried next to her sister (who by strange irony was buried next to her husband).
The day after, I called him to see how he was or if there was anything Lily and I could do. But apparently, he had put Blocker Powder in his fireplace because I couldn't get through. Days passed in which I contacted him by owls but he wouldn't answer. I found out that Remus and Peter were experiencing similar problems.
After a week of no contact, we decided that we had to find out how Sirius was. So, we went to his place of work, only to find out that he hadn't been showing up. The previous day, the boss told us harshly, he had fired Sirius. Alarmed that Sirius probably hadn't seen the light of day in a week, we hurried to his flat.
We knocked on the door. No answer. We knocked again. Nope. Finally, frustrated and being very close to the full moon, Remus pounded on the door with vigor until he was panting from exhaustion. Sirius made no indication that he heard us. Peter tried yelling to the door, demanding that Sirius open up. Sirius did no such thing.
Right before we seriously tried blasting his door down, his neighbour emerged. "Do you want Sirius Black?" she asked. Exasperated, we all nodded. "Let me try something." She went inside but left the door open so we could see. Her two young children peered out at us and we smiled benignly at them. She picked up the telephone, dialed, and put the receiver to her ear. We could hear the phone in Sirius' flat ring. For a full minute, he let it ring. Finally, it stopped. "Hello! Sirius Black, hi, I was..." but she stopped, frowning. "He hung up." She dialed again but this time the phone did not ring inside. "He's left it off the hook." She shrugged. "Sorry."
But something caught Peter's attention. As Marauders, we all had special skills that we added to the group, without which we would all fail. Peter's talents included distraction ("Oh, Professor, could you explain that lesson one more time in this corridor? Oh, the light is blinding me, could we switch places? Thanks" as we moved in for the kill) and escape routes. Peter had this extraordinary talent to see where exits were in any room and how much an opening can reasonably hold. We once tried to test this by building boxes and matching blocks but each box and block was a millimeter different in size and then timed Peter to see how fast he could match the blocks to the boxes. He did it in record time and he never once screwed up; he got each block in its proper place the first time. Peter crossed into the room and opened the window. He stepped on to the fire escape and vanished from sight. A few seconds later, Sirius' door opened and Peter poked his head out.
"Brilliant!" Remus cheered. "I never would have thought of that!"
We journeyed inside the flat and found Sirius lying on his bed, staring up the ceiling, spread-eagle. His bed was unmade and in disarray and the lights were off, making the room dim. He was wearing a simple tee-shirt and slacks but from their condition, he had slept in them. His eyes moved to see where the noise of our footsteps came from but he didn't move anything else. "How did you get in?"
"Window," Peter explained simply. "You really should lock that, you know."
"I've got nothing to be robbed of."
"You could be murdered in your sleep."
"Like anyone would care."
"We'd care!" Remus protested.
Sirius didn't answer at first but then said, "That's three."
"I'm sure there's plenty more."
"Name one."
"The landlord," I joked. Sirius didn't laugh. "Sirius, how long have you been sitting in your flat on your bed in the dark?"
"Honestly?" he asked.
"Honestly."
"Well, after the wake, I drank up the rest of the alcohol left over then went to bars, got drunk, woke up hung over on Saturday. Moped around my flat during Saturday and Sunday. Skipped work on Monday, went to bars, drank all day, got drunk, went home, woke up hung over. Stayed home, threw up all day on Tuesday. Skipped work on Wednesday, went to bars, got drunk, I remember going someplace with some woman but where or who, I can't remember, went home, woke up hung over. Received notice that I was fired on Thursday, went to bars, drank until I passed out, found myself in a weird place, found nearest bar, drank until I passed out again, escorted home by barmaid, went out to the local store, bought as much liquor as I could, took it home, drank until I passed out on my bed. Woke up, threw up, drank the remaining bottle that I bought last night this morning." He said all this in a very monotone voice, like Professor Binns did during his lectures.
"So, basically," Peter answered, "you've been on a drinking binge since we last saw you."
"Where are the bottles?" I asked.
"In the bathroom," Sirius moaned. "Except this one," he added, holding up a bottle for a brand I didn't recognize. "But, never mind, move, I going to throw up again," he muttered as he staggered gracelessly to the toilet and shut the door. There were sounds of Sirius being violently sick.
"Sirius, this isn't healthy," Remus commented. "You can't go on like this."
"Yes, I can," Sirius replied weakly from behind the door.
"Sirius," Remus said softly, crouching next to the closed door, "I know you're upset. I understand."
"No, you don't! Your parents are still alive! Along with your other relatives!" Sirius screamed back.
"I meant that I understand why you're so upset. I know how close you and Clarissa were. It was a terrible shock for all of us. I don't think Clarissa would like what you're doing. I don't think she would like you sitting alone in the dark in your flat, drinking until you lose consciousness, and avoiding us. We want to help you. We're here for you."
"Think of it this way, Sirius," Peter suggested, "if you were the one who had passed on and she was the one still alive, would you want her to do this sort of stuff?"
"No," Sirius feebly whined.
"Then why would she?" Peter remarked.
"Come on, Sirius," I said, "I'll make some coffee for you if you're not going to throw up anymore."
"And while we're waiting for the coffee," Remus added, "we'll help clean you and your flat up. Hate to say this, but you smell really bad and your flat is not smelling any better."
The door creaked open and Sirius held on to the door jam for support but he was vaguely smiling. "I'd like that but I'm warning you, you're going to be absolutely horrified at how many bottles I managed to fit into my bathtub and sink."
*** ***
But, I must restate, Sirius had very few lows in his life. Most problems took a deep breath and the straightening of shoulders to handle. Previously, except for Clarissa's death, Sirius was the strong, sturdy one to which no problem was earth-shattering.
But certainly not now. It was like a dementor had sucked out his soul since that morning, leaving a shell behind. For an hour, Sirius sat and I frittered in silence. Suddenly, Sirius asked, "Do you believe in divine justice?"
The question was so out of the blue that I jumped. His voice was strange, hollow, flat. "What do you mean?"
"Do you think there's some thing that's counting everything you do and when the tally gets too high or low, this thing does something to balance it all out?"
"I guess so. I believe that good people get rewarded in the end and bad people are punished."
There was another silence before Sirius asked, "Do you think Remus is still mad about the Whomping Willow thing?"
"Sirius, forgive me, but that was more than a 'thing'. Snape could've died."
*** ***
During our sixth year, after the ball with Kate but before news of her pregnancy was known, Snape was getting really annoying about where Remus went each month. Whetstone had dropped the whole matter during second year but still continued to antagonize him anyway. But Snape was obsessed with finding out.
One night, in January, Peter had to serve a detention (unjustly, of course) that ended in the middle of Remus' night as a wolf. Without Peter, none of us could hope to get inside to get Moony out. So we decided not to go out on our monthly jaunt.
We were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, Sirius and I, working on homework. Well, I was working on homework; he was sitting next to his homework, occasionally giggling for no seen reason. When Peter returned, exhausted, it was during one of his giggling spells. Fed up, I asked Sirius what was so funny.
"Oh, I've just played the most marvelous joke on Snape," he answered.
"What?" we asked, feeling left out.
"Well, curiosity killed the cat, that's all I'm going to say."
Finally, we badgered it out of him. Sirius, being a completely heartless moron, told Snape that if he was so curious about Remus' monthly absence, then he should prod the knot on the Whomping Willow and see what happens. Sirius thought that Snape would never do such a stupid thing and thus we could be free to torment him. And if he tried, the branches would pummel him black and blue. Sirius was roaring with laughter by the time he finished explaining. Peter and I looked at each other and at least I knew that I had never seen Peter look that horrified. I'm pretty sure I didn't look much different.
"Sirius!" I whispered but wanted to scream, "are you completely insane?! Do you know what will happen if Snape goes down? Do you? Did you even think about that?"
"He won't go down, James."
"Yes, he will. Because he's Snape and he'd love the opportunity to expel us but this might just end up getting him killed!" Without waiting for Sirius' answer, I ran out of the Common Room, down to the grounds, down to the Willow. Across the field, I saw Snape prod the knot, look at the entrance, and, shrugging, crawl inside. By the time I reached it, the Willow was active again and it nearly knocked my brains out. After many attempts, I managed to prod the knot myself and quickly crawled inside.
The tunnel is built very low and dark which made it hard to run. Several times I tripped over my own feet. As I neared the Shrieking Shack, where Remus spent his moons as Moony officially, I could hear him pacing around the Shack, scratching all the wood around him, growling.
I caught up with Snape only to find him opening the trap door to the Shack above. He climbed up the ladder to see what was inside the building and I quickly ran up to him and climbed the ladder next to him. He didn't notice me; he was too busy being completely stunned by the gigantic werewolf prowling the Shack. Snape had caught Moony's attention. I've never heard of a werewolf on a diet.
Snape screamed as Moony lunged towards us but I managed to pull Snape down to the ground. We fell to the ground with a thud. Moony's head, to his annoyance, would not fit the opening of the door. He swept his massive foreleg down through the hole and swiped at us with his long, sharp claws. Snape screamed again and I'll admit it, I screamed pretty loud too. When Moony drew his leg back, I quickly grabbed Snape by the collar and pulled him out of the vicinity until he possessed enough mind to run himself.
We ran the entire distance from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts quicker than I had believed possible. We scrambled out of the Willow, ran from the Willow itself, and stood panting on the grass. We were both shaking from adrenaline.
"What... was... that?" Snape demanded breathlessly, his eyes wide.
"A werewolf," I answered. No point lying about it.
"Was that what your friend Black wanted to show me? Is that Remus Lupin in there, the blood-thirsty Dark Creature? Were you in on it? Get cold feet, Potter? Realized that what you three have done is attempted murder and I could very well call the authorities?!"
"You shut up! I just saved your stupid life and..."
"Damn it," Snape said, not looking at me but up at the castle. I turned around to follow his line of vision up to a lighted window where Whetstone and Peter were standing. Whetstone was looking at us and waving smugly while Peter just looked stunned. "He knew," Snape muttered. He then became enraged, screaming, "He knew! He knew this entire time and let me go anyway! Why didn't he just tell me?! The little son of hag's slave, I'm going to kill him!"
"I think Filch has beat you to it," I answered, seeing him come up behind them, slamming one hand on each shoulder. I could see them frantically trying to explain but Filch had seen us and I could see him exclaim and point a finger at us.
Within minutes, we were in Dumbledore's office: Peter, Whetstone, Snape, and I. We all spent the night in his office, waiting for Remus to change back. When morning came, feeling vengeful, Peter and I explained that the whole idea had been Sirius' and he should be here as well. Dumbledore summoned Sirius who suddenly found his joke a lot less funny. Remus arrived soon after Sirius, obviously not well after the night before but he was clearly confused of what was going on.
"Remus," Dumbledore asked, "do you remember anything from last night?"
"No, sir."
"A student tried to enter the Shrieking Shack by way of the Whomping Willow."
Remus immediately swung his head towards us, his eyes scanning for injury or bite marks. "Did I hurt him?"
"No, only because your friend, Mr. Potter, caught up with him and pulled him out. But, as far as I know, it was very close to becoming a serious crime." Dumbledore paused for Remus to answer but Remus remained silent. "Do you have any idea who tried to see to you?" Remus shook his head. "Do you know who gave this person the information on how to get to you?" Remus shook his head. "Perhaps your peers would like to answer my questions."
"I went into your hiding place," Snape answered coldly, "and I nearly died because of you. I think I'll leave the informant to speak for himself."
"It was just a joke," Sirius answered meekly, staring into his clasped hands in his lap. "I didn't think he'd really do it."
Remus was utterly speechless, trembling in fury and betrayal. "A joke?" he stammered softly, at a loss. "I could have killed Snape, Sirius. They would have sent me to the Department for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures, tried me, find me guilty, and make me ingest raw wolfbane plant, which would kill me. I would be dead at age sixteen. All that for a stupid joke? At my expense?!" With a roar, Remus jumped on Sirius and began pounding him fiercely with his fists, screaming about how much Sirius had betrayed him for the sake of a laugh. Peter and I tried to pull Remus off Sirius but Remus was simply too strong. Dumbledore finally had to Accio Remus off Sirius.
"In light of this serious violation of school and moral rules of conduct, I will hand out the following punishments: Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Oliver Whetstone, you three may go free since you had nothing to do with this. Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Whetstone were trying to find help when they were out of their Common Rooms and Mr. Lupin was the victim of this entire affair. Severus Snape and James Potter, since you both were out of bounds, you will serve a detention together next week."
"But I saved..." I protested.
Dumbledore stared harshly at me. "You will serve a detention together next week, is that clear?" I nodded. "Severus Snape, I would request that you tell no others about Mr. Lupin's condition. It is none of their concern." Snape frowned briefly but nodded anyway. "Sirius Black, since you orchestrated this entire debacle, you will spend the rest of the year, these next four months, starting in February, in detention. Furthermore, you will lose your privileges to go to Hogsmeade this year. Also, I am taking away one hundred House points from Gryffindor for your actions. However, I will grant Gryffindor ten points for moral duty on Mr. Potter's part. Next, you will write a letter, in my presence, to your guardian, explaining what you have done. Finally, when Mr. Snape files his case against Mr. Lupin," he paused to look at Snape and added quietly, "You are sure you insist?"
"Of course, I insist! I was nearly eaten by a Dark Creature!" Snape shouted. Remus shuddered at the words "dark creature".
Dumbledore sighed gravely and continued, "When Mr. Snape files his case, and Mr. Lupin is brought in to be tried, I am going to write to the Department and tell them what part you played in this and I will request that you testify. Rest assured, Mr. Black; at most, you will get nothing but a fine for your behavior, and I doubt you will even receive that. This is for Mr. Lupin's benefit, not my own." Looking extremely disappointed and sad, he added, "You are all dismissed. Return to your Common Rooms. Remus, you must return to the Hospital Wing to rest, I'm afraid."
Mumbling thanks, we all left the office. Once we were in the corridors,
Whetstone said defiantly to Sirius, "If I had been Dumbledore, I would have expelled you."
Snape turned to Whetstone and demanded as if he had been waiting forever to ask, "How did you know?"
"About?" Whetstone replied.
"How did you know that he," Snape indicated Remus, "was a werewolf?"
"I put the pieces together, did some research," Whetstone answered blandly. "Very simple really. I thought you would have more sense than that, Severus."
"Then why didn't you tell the entire school and rub it in my face?" Remus demanded.
Whetstone looked Remus straight in the eye. "Because, Lupin, if I'm going to prove myself better than you, I want to prove it through my own strength, not your weaknesses." I guess that was the closest I had ever seen Whetstone show some sense of fair play. With a scoff, Whetstone turned toward the direction of the Slytherin Common Room with Snape glaring at us as he followed behind.
After that, Remus and Sirius weren't as close. It took over three months for them to be comfortable with each other's presence. Eventually, on the surface, it seemed like nothing had changed. But if you knew them like I did and if you looked carefully, you saw the damage. Sirius may have said sorry to Snape and Remus may have pledged forgiveness to Sirius but it was only their mouths talking.
*** ***
"Yeah, but do you think so?" Sirius asked hollowly.
"I can't really say." Peter and I decided early on not to act as their go-betweens. It wasn't worth it.
There was another long silence where Sirius barely breathed. Then, "Hey, James. I think I know why Marguerite wanted to meet with her."
"Why?" I asked.
Sirius gave a short bark of a laugh. It was very eerie. "It's very funny considering what happened."
"It is?" I was getting worried. His voice creeped me out.
There was a long pause as if Sirius had momentarily forgotten what he was about to say. But then he seemed to remember and answered in a woozy sort of voice, "She was pregnant." He laughed. The laugh sent chills down my spine. It was not his usual laughter when something particularly delightful or funny happened but it was more half-crazed and out-of-control as if his entire world fallen apart overnight.
"Congratulations," I replied hesitantly.
Breathing hard, he replied, "Don't bother. I said 'was' not 'is'." I felt my heart stop and gasped. He continued in a half-mad way, "Do you know what happens if you Stun a pregnant woman? Well, I didn't until today. She miscarried last night when the Death Eaters came. They came at eight o'clock. She was almost three months pregnant, she found out right after I proposed." He muttered softly to himself in astonishment, "She was carrying our baby when I proposed."
"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I'm so very sorry."
"He told me there's evidence of a Memory charm but it isn't strong enough to produce what we saw. It's all psychological, he told me," he rattled on, "all psychological. Her body doesn't want her to remember the trauma so she forgets," Sirius made an all-encompassing gesture weakly with his hands, "everything." He began to laugh again but it was a crying sort of laugh, dancing on the edge between mirth and tears. He placed his hands on his face and shook at first with crying laughter and then with real tears and gut-wrenching moans. I was speechless and felt powerless against this catastrophe. After five minutes, Sirius pulled himself up and declared, "This day is over. I'm going to bed." I just watched him go upstairs. A few moments later, I heard him cry out in a strangled scream and a loud thud.
Panicked, I ran upstairs to see what had happened. As soon as I stepped into the room, I realized what had happened. Sirius' bed was in the baby's room, which was decorated with baby things. A few little details still needed to be added but anyone could tell it was a baby's room. If Lily had miscarried and I had walked into the room, I probably would've wanted to kill myself. Sirius, his emotional state already in splinters, had fainted from emotional exhaustion. Luckily, his head had landed on a pillow thrown on the ground so he had no injury. Taking pity on him, I moved his bed and him out of the room into the other, bare, spare room.
Once he was in bed, I went back downstairs. I was beginning to feel hungry and decided I had to eat. It was now three o'clock and I made myself and Sirius sandwiches. In silence, I ate my late lunch and sat contemplating what had just happened. When the clock reached four o'clock, I thought on what should have been happening.
Sirius would have gone to Marguerite's home. She would have told him about the baby. They would most likely have had a long discussion about what they planned to do. Of course, Sirius would have wanted to keep it; he loved Marguerite and I don't think he would have objected to a family of his own. They would have had a plan in mind and Sirius would have come back here. I would have been tidying up the house and finishing up the baby's room or listening to the wireless or reading. He would have told me about Marguerite and the baby and I would have been delighted. Then we would have called Remus and Peter and we would all gone out to celebrate Harry's birth and Marguerite's pregnancy. We would have come home happily silly drunk and would have gone to bed without a single care.
It would have been so nice. But that wasn't the way it was.
I felt a surge of rage towards the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort for ruining such a beautiful version of life. Even the joy of Harry's birth had become tainted with this mess. It felt so strange to be so overwhelmingly happy and yet also so unbearably sad all at once.
When Sirius did not come down at five, I went upstairs to the spare room. I found him still asleep so I left the sandwich and a glass of water on the floor near the bed. I paused a moment to look at him sleeping. At that moment, I wanted more than ever for Clarissa to still be alive. I wanted to be able to call her up and say, "Clarissa, this is James, it's a problem with Sirius because Marguerite had a terrible accident. I'll explain when you get here but he needs your help" so she'd come rushing in like a Florence Nightingale and fuss over Sirius and make everything better. But I couldn't bring her back and she couldn't help Sirius from beyond the grave.
I had never felt so useless.
Having stared at Sirius long enough, I left the room and shut the door. I went to the baby's unfinished room, laid on the rug on the carpet, and stared up at the ceiling for a long, long time.
To Be Continued...
Author's Notes: Sorry this chapter is such a downer, guys. The good times were too good to last, you knew that. Yes, this has been planned as well for a very long time. Don't go on drinking binges! That's not good for your health! Anyway, that's my take on the Whomping Willow incident which drove Snape to madness in the third book. Oh, there's another "Do You Want to Play?" reference in here. I'm starting to hit a wall though, I haven't planned much farther than this. I have scenes in mind but no order and I still have gaps. We'll see if I can manage to wrap this up before the fifth book comes out! Tell me what you think! I'm very interested to know! Either use the review button or e-mail at destinyplot@lycos.com and remember to leave your e-mail so I can contact you. See ya later!