Disclaimer: All people and places belong to J. K. Rowling

Life Had Just Begun

By Terra

Chapter Twenty-one: Kaddish

I can't remember how or when I actually went to bed but I found myself waking up in my own bedroom the next morning. I got up and readied myself to face the world. Once I was clean and dressed, I headed downstairs to look to see if Sirius had even left his room. There was no sign of him I noticed sadly. He was probably still locked up in his new room. Sighing, I made myself breakfast, leaving some aside for him in case he decided to come down.

Half-way through my small breakfast, my fire began to flash white. I had set it to flash instead of just letting the person talk since the night of Lily's labor. I bent over to the fire and a head of a balding man with long silver whiskers and glasses with thick square rims popped up.

"Hello," I said, "may I ask who is calling?"

"Yes," the man replied with thick voice. He reminded me of a walrus, to be honest. "My name is Doctor Greenling. Does Sirius Black live at your residence?"

"Yes, he does. But I'm afraid I have no idea who you are or what you want with him. Do you mind explaining?"

"Oh, of course! Perfectly understandable! I was the..." he paused as if realizing that he might have nearly said the wrong thing or too much. He coughed and started again, "I was a... friend of the Blacks when he, Sirius, was a small boy. I just heard what had happened to his fiancée."

"Oh," I replied, wondering what this had to do with anything and just how he found out.

"Yes, yes, very tragic, if I do say so myself. Well, I was just... curious on how he is. Where is he exactly?"

"Having a lie-in," I half-lied. True, he was still sleeping (I think) but not exactly having what one would call a proper "lie-in".

"Ah, I understand," he replied, nodding sagely. "Well, since I was the... very close friend with his parents, I wanted to make sure he was okay. You see, I'm a psychiatrist. I just thought that if he needed my services, then, well... you understand. He can just call me up. No problem at all. He needn't feel embarrassed."

"Well," I answered nervously, "I'll tell him. It's Doctor Greenling, right?"

"Precisely. He knows who I am. He can call anytime, anytime at all."

"Alright, then. I'll just let you go."

"Yes, yes, I have other patients to work with today. Just tell him that my door is open."

"Good-bye, Doctor," I concluded, cutting off the connection. Shaking my head, I wondered what that was all about. The Blacks must have had some odd friends. I thought briefly on how they must have made his acquaintance. I glanced at the clock and realized that it was time to visit Lily again to my delight. I took Sirius' portion of breakfast upstairs to his room and opened the door.

Sirius was still buried under the covers. His dinner from the night before had been picked at and the water was half-gone. I set the new food down on the ground again and watched Sirius to see if he was awake. He was much too stiff to be truly asleep so I said, "I'm going to visit Lily now." I paused to allow Sirius to respond. He didn't. I continued, "You can come if you want." No reply. Sighing, I concluded, "Fine. You can stay here. There's food here for you. I don't know when I'll be back." I waited to see if Sirius would make any sign that he had heard me but he did nothing. "See you later, Sirius."

*** ***

There is something unbelievably peaceful about the maternity section of any hospital. It's one of the only places where people are there for a good reason. There is nothing to cure, nothing to stitch up, no one to diagnose, nothing bad. Just happy mothers and cute babies.

Feeling rather proud of myself because I was starting to get used to the idea of being a father, I half-wanted to announce to everyone walking by, "Hey, guess where I'm going? The maternity section to visit my wife and my son, Harry. Yes, I'm just amazing."

When I reached Lily's room, she was talking to Harry softly. I knocked lightly on the door and she looked up at me and smiled. "How're my two favorite people?" I asked brightly.

"Good. I just fed Harry," Lily told me as I walked in. "He's sleeping right now." I came over to sit on the bed next to her to stare at Harry's face.

"He's looking much better," I said. She nodded. "Can I hold him a bit?" She handed him gently over to me as if she loathed to let him go. I carefully cradled him in my arms. He wriggled slightly but didn't wake up. "He's so tiny," I remarked.

"I know. He seemed so big when he was inside me," Lily joked. She smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder. "He's lovely, isn't he?"

"Yeah. You think we can hope that his hair will all fall out and grow back in like yours?" I asked.

"I like him the way he is."

"I know. He's wonderful." I grunted, "But he's getting heavy."

"Put him back in there. If his day is anything like yesterday, he's going to heaved around all day. Poor thing." She stroked his head. "But he likes his mummy best, doesn't he? Yes, he does. And Mummy wants to hold him more than everyone else. Yes, she does," she cooed in a light voice. I gently placed him back in the plastic carrier with his name on it. I sat back down on the bed and we stared at him for a few moments. "Oh, he's so precious. I was feeding him this morning and I looked down at him and it suddenly occurred to me that I was his mummy. He was my son, no one else's. It was a wonderful feeling."

"I'm beginning to feel like that too," I told her. "I'm starting to get used to the idea of being a father, though. He's so tiny," I repeated. I kissed her on the forehead. "So," I asked, changing the subject slightly, "who came yesterday?"

"Oh, well, I called everyone after you two left and most of them came by. Let's see, the Longbottoms came, Mrs. Figg, my co-workers, the Weasleys came by, the Boneses, and lots of others are coming today as well. Oh, yeah," Lily added darkly, "my parents came too."

"Oh, dear," I replied sarcastically, "I have a feeling their visit was a treat."

"At least they didn't come with Petunia and Vernon or I would have jumped out the window."

"Why did you call them?"

Lily shrugged. "Stupidity. I forgot how annoying my mum can be so I arranged for one of those charm-blockers so they could come. Remind me not to do that again the next time we have a kid."

I played with her hair and asked, "So, how was the visit?"

"Oh, the usual. Compared Harry and Dudley every step of the way. Not to mention comparing me and Petunia, comparing the two hospitals, comparing just about everything she could think of."

"How did she compare Harry to Dudley?"

"Harry is 'much too small', according to her. Dudley was a 'healthy' ten pounds while Harry is a 'scrawny' seven pounds. Dudley had perfect complexion while Harry is 'much too red'. Dudley had the finest, softest blond hair when he was born while Harry has 'too coarse black hair'. I hate it when she compares us and now Harry has to endure it too!"

"Harry is wonderful," I reminded her.

"I know but she thinks that Dudley is so much more 'robust'. She told me that Harry's small size is 'very worrisome' in her eyes. Doctor Laurel said that seven pounds is a perfectly fine birth weight..."

"Then it is. Who cares what your mother thinks? Personally, I find Harry to be the lovelier of the two, so just forget it. What did your father say?"

"Daddy agreed with my mum. He said that Harry was too small."

I rolled my eyes in frustration. "What is the matter with your parents? What do they have against Harry anyway?"

"Beats me. I told you this would happen. Dudley was first and therefore he's perfect."

"Dudley? Perfect? He looks like a beach ball! At least Harry looks like a proper baby."

"Yes, he does," Lily agreed, straightening herself up to show that she was not to be beaten by Petunia. "He's perfect." We nodded and smiled. "Well," Lily amended, "they did admit that Harry was cute. They just think bigger babies are better babies."

"He'll grow," I stated. "At least he's not ill like I was. They have to give him that."

I brought Harry closer to us and Lily adjusted his blankets, terrified that he might get cold even in the summer warmth. "Say, where is Sirius?" she asked.

I gulped. I suddenly remembered why Sirius had been lying in bed since the afternoon before. I had to say why even though it was a horrible tale. "Well, you see..."

"Hey! How's the new mummy?" Sirius called excitedly from the door. I jumped in surprise. I wondered if I had wandered into an alternative dimension. Sirius was smiling broadly, clean and dressed, carrying three bouquets of flowers in his arms.

"I'm great," Lily answered, not noticing my confusion. "Are all those for me?"

"No, just one, sorry," Sirius explained, walking into the room. "I've got other recipients in mind. Where should I put yours?"

"Oh, anywhere," she replied, gesturing to all the cards, gifts, balloons, and numerous flowers around her. "We were just talking about you."

"Were you?" Sirius answered but I could tell that he was not surprised. He must have heard us speaking before entering the room.

"Yes, I was asking where you were. I wanted to know if you ever found out what Marguerite wanted."

I stiffened and Sirius gave a tiny shudder, which Lily did not see as she turned to Harry who had smacked his lips but did not wake up. "Well," he laughed, "I never did find out."

"No?"

"You see, I fell asleep as soon as I got home. Isn't that right, James?"

I blinked. He gave me a look that told me that I better agree. "Uh, yes."

"That's right. I just sat on the couch, closed my eyes for a minute and the next thing I knew, it was seven o'clock. James had tried everything to wake me up, didn't you, James?"

"Uh, yeah, everything."

"Marguerite was furious. I hope to make peace with her today. She's the other recipient. I was just on my way there but I decided to stop by for a minute to chat." Sirius smiled but I could now see that it was a fake smile.

"But you have three. Who's the other...?" Lily asked but Sirius waved her off.

"It doesn't matter. How are you and Harry doing?"

Lily told him how she was, how healthy Harry seemed, and who came to visit. After a few minutes, a woman came in, smiling, greeting Lily. It was one of Lily's co-workers, stopping by to give her congratulations. Sirius took this opportunity to say he had to move on and I told Lily that I better be heading home but I would be back. Lily accepted this and continued to gush about Harry to the co-worker.

*** ***

After we were definitely out of earshot, Sirius' happy expression was wiped off and his dark look was back. He turned to me and demanded, "You were going to tell her what happened, weren't you?"

"Well, yes, I was."

He rolled his eyes as if I was a complete moron. "What is the matter with you? Can't you let people have a moment's peace?"

"I don't see why I can't..."

"I don't want people to know," he answered sharply. "It isn't any of their business. If I had my way, you wouldn't even know right now, alright?"

"Lily isn't going to think less of you if she knows. She's your friend, Sirius."

Sirius raised his eyes upward as if silently asking for divine intervention. "Look, I am not going to rain on her parade. She's so happy and at peace. I want her to believe that the universe revolves around her and Harry for a little longer, okay? I'm not going to burst her bubble over my problems. I don't have the right to do that and neither do you."

"Sirius, it's okay to be upset..."

"Look!" Sirius snapped, "I don't want to hear it. Just leave it alone. It's my problem, I'll deal with it."

I said nothing more. We continued walking through the corridors, Sirius leading, I following. Why I didn't just go home, I'm not sure. Perhaps I was secretly very worried about him. If the roles had been reversed, and they often were before, I know that Sirius would have not accepted me telling him to leave the issue alone. He would have insisted that I let him help with whatever the matter was.

Now that I was thinking about it as we walked, I realized that this was true for everyone he knew. Me, Peter, Remus, Lily, Marguerite, he wanted to help us all. But I had never heard him ask for help himself. Okay, yes, he asked for the occasional "can I look off of as in cheat off of your homework ten minutes before class starts" type of help but real problems, real serious problems, he never asked.

Before, I thought he just never had such problems but what he said just then made me pause. If he had his way, I wouldn't even know. How many times in the past did he have his way? How many problems did he have that we were oblivious to? Maybe the death of his parents bothered him more than it appeared. Maybe living in Quesera had been a thorn in his side. Maybe it was really difficult to be raised by such a person as Clarissa. And he never once mentioned Mabel Weasley or his connection to her suicide. How many times had he not wanted to "rain on our parades"?

When it came down to it, Remus, Peter, and I had someone, somewhere to depend on. By then, we still had those supporters for our causes. Even my father, who I hadn't spoken to in six years, stood up for me. But Sirius never had that support. As I walked beside him, feeling farther away than I had ever felt before, I wondered who was ready to catch him if he fell.

Who took care of Sirius?

*** ***

"Where are we going, Sirius?" I finally asked since I didn't want to pace the hospital all day.

"Where do you think?" He answered harshly back.

I bit back an angry reply and said, "I don't know."

"Marguerite's room. I want to see how she is," he said softly.

We walked to her room in silence and I watched Sirius prepare himself. It was like watching a stage actor warm up. I could almost hear him muttering in his mind, "I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy…" It was sickening and I had to look away.

By the time we reached her room, he appeared as he did when he entered Lily's room, like he didn't have a care and this was a leisurely visit. He stood by the door and waited. When there was no sound, he knocked lightly. "Come in," Marguerite answered.

We entered the room and found Marguerite in bed. There were flowers and get well cards and balloons surrounding her bed. She looked up at us blankly without recognition.

"Hi," Sirius said awkwardly.

"Hello," Marguerite replied in a tone usually reserved for those you meet on a train before turning back to your magazine. She cocked her head to one side and asked, "Do I know you?"

Sirius brightened. "Yes, you do."

There was a pause as Marguerite tried to place a name with Sirius' face. Finally, she answered, "You're the man from yesterday."

His face fell. That wasn't the answer he was looking for. "Yes," he admitted sadly, "I'm the man from yesterday. But I know you from somewhere else."

"Oh? Well, see, I can't remember anything beyond yesterday. The doctor--what's his name?--said I have amnesia. That means I can't remember anything," she explained as if only the select few of the universe were allowed to know what amnesia meant.

"I know, that's why I came to visit," Sirius explained. "How are you?"

"Fine," she answered off-handedly. She blinked at him again and looked questioningly. "So, how do we know each other then?"

"We're engaged," Sirius answered. Marguerite looked at her left hand, where the engagement ring was.

"Is this yours?" she asked, pointing to it.

"Well, I gave it to you."

"Do you want it back?" Sirius didn't answer. Marguerite sighed. "So, what's your name?"

"Sirius Black."

"Well, Mr. Sirius Black, I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday," she concluded as if that was the only reason he had come.

"Um…" Sirius said embarrassed, "I brought you flowers. Would you like me to put them somewhere?" Marguerite shrugged. Sirius paced around for a bit before deciding to put them near the window. "They're Coleur-Du-Soleil," he added once he had placed them down.

Marguerite merely replied, "Oh. That's nice."

"They change colour every hour."

"Oh."

"They're your favorite type of flower," he explained in desperation.

"They are? Oh. Well, then, thanks for remembering because I sure don't." Marguerite laughed. Sirius made a weak attempt but it was pained. Marguerite turned to look at me. "Are we engaged too?"

"Uh, no. I'm Sirius' friend. My name is James Potter."

"Do we know each other?"

"We've met once or twice."

"Oh. That's nice."

"His wife just had a baby boy," Sirius added. "Her name is Lily and the baby is Harry."

"James, Lily, and Harry Potter," she said slowly. "And I, Marguerite Malina, am engaged to Sirius Black. Oh, how am I ever going to remember all these people?" she cried in frustration.

"I'm sure everything will come back," I replied hopefully.

"I'm not," she answered. She turned back to Sirius. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-five years old," he replied.

"Do I know your parents?"

"No. They died when I was six. Long before we met. However, your sister is married to my cousin. That's how we met."

"How does my sister and your cousin affect how we met?" she inquired.

"We met at their wedding," Sirius explained. "Has your sister come to visit?"

"Yes but I don't remember her name. It was very brief."

Sirius muttered something under his breath. I believe it was "typical". Before anyone could speak again, a nurse with blonde curly hair done up in a ponytail rushed in with a zipped up lunch bag. It was the younger nurse from yesterday, the one who had explained that the nurses were Marguerite's co-workers.

"Hey, Marguerite, remember my name yet?" she asked breathlessly.

She shook her head. "Nope."

"It's Rachel Stronghold. Anyway, I have a brilliant..." she trailed off, looking around her. "Oh, sorry, you have guests. Sorry."

"It's okay," Sirius answered. "What's brilliant?"

"Well," she explained excitedly, smiling, "I think I have a way for Marguerite to help remember people and their names." She unzipped the cube-like bag and took out a Muggle Polaroid camera. "Ta-da!"

"What is it?" Marguerite asked, sitting up to take a better look.

"It's a camera. The Muggle kind, obviously. See, you can make flashcards. Every time someone visits, you just take their picture and there's a strip on the bottom when it comes out. When it's all dry, you can write the name on the back of the strip and practice names!"

"That's a really good idea," I commented.

"Do you want your pictures taken?" Rachel asked, bouncing up and down. We nodded. Rachel did Sirius first against a bare white wall near the window. She took the picture and ordered me against the wall. She took my picture and finally, she stood against the wall and Sirius took hers. The pictures quickly (although not as quick as Wizarding pictures) dried and the still image was revealed. "Now, we'll write our names on the back of the strip with this black marker," she concluded, holding up a marker from the bag. "Instant flashcards!" Once we wrote our names, Rachel handed the photos to Marguerite along with the marker and camera. "Now," she said slightly disheartened, "you can practice. Makes things easier that way."

After saying a few kind words to Sirius (they had met before), she waved good-bye as she headed to work in another section of the hospital, promising to visit during lunch. We also said good-bye as Marguerite began to shuffle her three photos, scarcely noticing our exit.

*** ***

Once we had left Marguerite, Sirius resumed his true expression. He was clutching only one bouquet now. This bouquet had more than one type of flower in the batch, as opposed to Marguerite's Coleur-Du-Soleil and Lily's collection of day lilies.

"What kinds of flowers do you have there?" I asked.

"Pink carnations, forget-me-nots, blue salvia, xeranthemums, zinnias, and dark crimson roses." He turned to me and added, "You can go home, you know. You don't have to follow me around all day if you don't want to."

"No," I answered, "I'll stay with you."

He shrugged and walked rather than Apparated out of St. Mungo's. I didn't ask where we were going in case he'd find me too nosy and make me go home. We walked in complete silence a long time, for about an hour at a slow pace out of London.

Just as I was about to ask where Sirius was going, I noticed my surroundings, which answered the question. We were heading towards a cemetery. The wind blew softly, ruffling our clothes. Sirius, not even bothering to check if I was still following, walked under the high iron gate; I had to hurry to catch up.

As he walked through the rows, I felt a rush like cold water had been thrown on me. Yesterday had been July 31st, the first year anniversary of Clarissa's death. In the excitement, I had completely forgotten. At first, I wanted to criticize Sirius for forgetting as well but then I realized that he hadn't. I remembered his odd behavior when Mrs. Pettigrew, the Lupins, and my mother were standing around us, talking about Peter's, Remus' and my births and our future, standing off by the window like he was not included. I had thought at the time that he was just tired or saw something interesting outside, not realizing that the empty space must have felt so real and so inescapable at that moment. I wondered how it must have felt to be surrounded by family and having none of his own to share the moment with. And then the whole thing with Marguerite, no wonder he collapsed.

He seemed to know his way without trying; obviously he had visited the grave before. Eyes straight ahead, body stiff, he walked like a guard to his post. I hadn't been there since the funeral so I followed awkwardly a few paces behind. Eventually, he turned a corner and walked languidly through the rows, counting each one until coming to a stop. He crouched down in front of the gravestone marked:

Clarissa Victoria Tapp

Born December 1, 1943

Died July 31, 1979

Beloved Daughter, Sister, Godmother, Friend

Do not weep for I will never leave

I am simply running faster than you can see

My image runs clearer than water through a sieve

But leaving, that shall never be

--Sonnet XXVI, Book XII of Avalon Collection of Poetry

To the left, there was another gravestone:

Janet Estelle Tapp Black

Born August 28, 1937

Died November 4, 1961

Beloved Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mother, Friend

Reach up high and crouch down low

Mix earth, water, fire, and sky then scatter it apart

Hear the chants, deep, dark, soft, slow

Paradise will provide what is in your heart

--Sonnet XI, Visions of Hidden Talents

To the left of that, there was yet another gravestone:

Roger Lucian Black

Born February 19, 1937

Died November 4, 1961

Beloved Son, Brother, Husband, Father, Friend

And the room brightened beyond endurance

Controller of the storm and the sun

But with a smile of assurance

A positive event was about to be done

--Letter MM, Collected Works Of Rome

There was already a bouquet of tea roses lying by Clarissa's grave, probably from Elliot from yesterday. Sirius placed the flowers standing up and leaned them against the stone. He placed his own bunch on the other side, standing up as well. For a split second, I thought she would suck them through the ground to hold them in her hands but they remained above ground.

He laid his hands on top of Clarissa's tombstone and placed his forehead against the stone. I moved away to look at without seeing other nearby tombstones. He began to talk to her:

"Sorry I'm so late. I had a lot going on. I know, that's silly. We always came to visit Mum and Dad no matter what but this... was different. I don't know how much you see up there, if you see anything at all.

"Um... no one's bought your house yet. I check the papers and it's still listed. The neighbourhood must be spreading rumors that it's cursed or something. The price keeps dropping. Although, to be honest, it's not really your house anymore, it's that couple's, but I still think of it as our house.

"James and Lily had their baby. It's a boy. They named it Harry after Harold, James' father. Do you talk to each other up there? James is the middle name but you probably already guessed that. He's got that black hair of James. Apparently the spell went right through to James' genes. I hope they don't have any girls because they might get that hair and that would be awful for them. Especially if it's red. That would be awful looking.

"Okay, I know, I'm just talking around what I really want to say. I guess I should explain myself since I didn't come yesterday. Did I talk about Marguerite to you at Christmas? Yes, well, um, we dated for a really long time and I proposed to her and she said yes. I used my inheritance money. I felt sort of bad about using it but I felt that Mum and Dad would have helped out anyway. Maybe I'm just making excuses for myself. That happened in June and I was pretty happy about it.

"And then July 30th happened. Everything's gone to hell now. She called me up, told me she had something important to tell me and we arranged to talk. We never did. Lily went into labor that night and I was in hospital all night waiting for Remus and Peter to come but they never did. I should have invited Marguerite to wait with me but I felt like being a gentleman and letting her sleep. Why did I do that, Clarissa? The one time I wasn't selfish, someone got hurt.

"They came for her. Death Eaters came for her not ten minutes after I stopped speaking to her on the fire. They burned the Dark Mark on the wall of her kitchen, that's how they know the time, around eight o'clock. I was supposed to see her at nine. It was because I refused to join up. I realized that the other day, they asked me the third time about six months ago. Why did they go after her? She never did anything wrong.

"But it gets worse. That thing that she wanted to talk about? She was pregnant, Clarissa. She was going to have a baby and she never got the chance to tell me. If I had known, if she had just told me, I would have made her wait with me. She would be alright. The baby would've been alright. But they Stunned her and she miscarried. And because of the 'psychological trauma', quote end-quote, along with a mild Memory charm, she can't remember anything. She doesn't even know who I am!" Sirius choked up as if he was beginning to cry. "When I heard about all that, I went home and I didn't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. Then I went into that baby's room and saw all those baby things littered all around room, I just couldn't take it anymore.

"I woke up a little later in a different room, I think James moved me. I just laid there the rest of time, thinking and cursing everyone I could think of. I kept thinking about how you always used to tell me that I was the best thing that ever came out of my parents' marriage and how children are so precious and all that. I remembered how my parents were always so proud of me and loved me so much even as they hated each other. I mean, I know I never actively thought about having kids but it would've been nice. I can barely remember what that sort of 'parents with child' life is like. Actually, I guess I never really knew. We didn't exactly have the most stable family life.

"It would alright if Marguerite remembered me. You know, then we could try to start over, build from that, get through it. I wouldn't be perfectly alright but I would be better than I am now. I went to visit her today. Do you know what it reminded me of? When you used to take me to St. Mungo's Insanity Ward and we'd visit the rest of Guildenstern's Children. I hated that. It frightened me every time yet you made me go with you. It always reminded me that you were a Guildenstern's Child too, that some crazy madman hurt you like that and you could have been worse. It was their expressions that always got me. Dead, blank stares. They would never remember you or me. They were like zombies. At least you had some awareness of the world and you had some life but those other Guildenstern's Children, you could have killed them and barely noticed the difference. It was like that all over again. That same blank stare, that same expression of neutral feeling. Even when she did show emotion, it was half of what it should have been. It was Guildenstern's Children all over again.

"But I'm going to kill them, whoever they are. Once I find out who did it, I'm going to kill them with my bare hands. I always wanted to kill Guildenstern and I never got the chance but this time, I'm going to enforce justice with my own hands. He should have died for what he did to all of you, just like these men deserve to die. I'm going to kill them and I don't care what happens after that. They can just ship me off to Azkaban and let me rot, I don't care. It doesn't make a difference. I swear to you, I'm going to kill them. I'm going to make them understand what they did to me and Marguerite. I'm going to kill them. I'm going to kill them.

"This isn't fair. I hate this. I want you to be alive again and tell me that everything's fine like you always said right before those visits. I want you to be here and hug me and hold my hand and tell me what I'm supposed to do now. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Please, come back to life and tell me where I'm supposed to go now. I have nothing left. Please. Please. Please. I need you here. Please, come back. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please..." he just repeating "please" over and over again, sobbing all the while, hanging on to Clarissa's gravestone tightly.

I sat a little way off, trying not to notice him there, crying as if his soul was being ripped apart. Perhaps it was the acoustics of the place. Perhaps it was my own imagination. Or perhaps it was something much more incredible. Whatever the reason, I swore I heard three more voices sobbing along with him.

To Be Continued...

Author's Notes: I'm so sorry for that last bit. I was choking up myself as I wrote. The term "kaddish" (pronounced KAH-dish) is the Hebrew word for the Jewish prayer of mourning. From what I know, you're supposed to say the kaddish every day for a year after a death and then every year after that on the anniversary of the death. The only reason I even know about it is that one of our musical pieces in Band is called "Kaddish" and our conductor explained the meaning. The song did not inspire this scene but if you're madly interested, you can probably download it. I'm not saying Sirius is Jewish or anything, I just thought it was a cool word. The sources of the epitaphs are not real, I made them up as well as the poems themselves. In other happier news, I got into a class called New Dimensions. It's a humanities course worth two credits, one English and one Social Studies. It's a very selective class where you have to file an application and have an interview. After all that, less than half of people applying get in. But I got in and you can not believe how happy I was. I was telling everyone I know and some that I don't know.

The flowers I picked (except Coleur-Du-Soleil of course) have meanings:

Day lily—Emblem of the mother

Pink carnation—I'll never forget you

Forget-me-not—True love, memories

Blue salvia—I think of you

Xeranthemums—Eternity and immortality

Zinnia—Thinking or in memory of an absent friend

Dark crimson rose—Mourning

Tea rose—I'll remember always

Anyway, I would love a review or perhaps a better explanation of the term "kaddish" in case I missed a few details. Leave a review by clicking the button or e-mailing at destinyplot@lycos.com and make sure to leave your e-mail address so I can write back. See ya later!