Who Was I?
Bonnie Falconer
Dedicated to my friends, and Brittany-for helping me find a little bit about who I am.
And thank you to the authors Marissa and AuthorByNight for mentioning a sequel. :)
A/N: A sequel to "Who Am I?" Because the two were written more than a year apart, please excuse differences in ideas… You may want to read "Who Am I?" first. This is also basically in the same format as the first. Please read and review! :)
Disclaimer: No one mentioned in the following story belongs to me, they belong to J.K. Rowling and all of those associated with her characters. Song excepts belong to Vanessa Carlton.
"I was stained with a role
In a day not my own"
"Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame.
Everything is changing and I do not feel the same.
I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought that were strong.
I'm trying to find a place where can feel like I belong."
When I first received the acceptance letter to Hogwarts, I was happy. I could get away from my home… start somewhere new where no one would know who I was. Of course, that was only a foolish façade of mine.
Father was both angry and happy with me at that time. I had been accepted into Hogwarts, but he would no longer be able to keep track of me exactly and keep molding myself into what he wanted me to be: A servant of that man… Lord Voldemort.
I hate him. Lord Voldemort, that is. All he is… he is only slightly stronger than the normal standard. However, the standard is so low that I am shocked that he ever amounted to anything. All he had was a bit of luck. Without his followers, he is nothing. I refuse to stay as a mere minion. To be reduced to that is to be lower than even a Mudblood.
Who was I? When I first saw that letter and was overjoyed? Was I that stupid?
Who was I? At the beginning, enjoying being one of Voldemort's followers, liking the death, and the horror, and everything… stupidity of mine.
Who was I? Only a little boy with nowhere to go?
I could never understand anything, but I did not know. Children always seem to think that they know everything, and they are always right… I was pretty much the same way.
Who was I? All of those long years passed by so slowly, yet so quickly…
At this time, I am confident or doubtful… I can't really see… it can be one or the other but they seem so different! And sometimes I just don't know if I should run and hide or confront my fears.
"Who was I?" is all I say.
Why?
Why can't I just move onto the future instead of holding onto the past?
Why?
And why are all of my questions the one without answers?
And why?
Who am I?
Who was I?
Who will I be?
All throughout my years, my opinions changed… I was a making of my father… I hear people talking about my mother, they feel sorry for her, but they don't understand! They just assume! She is not one to be sorry for! I am! I am! I am the one to be sorry for!
WHY CAN'T THEY SEE?
The people all around just stare, and laugh. My so-called reputation precedes me. Nothing can be changed now.
Two years ago… two years ago, I tried to change. Really. But no one believed me… they never do…
The façade I had created for myself… you ask how it was shattered?
As I said, I was happy, so happy to go away from home… but I was followed! The people, the people that others on the outside consider friends of mine- "cronies," they say, laughing at me over and over again. I have no friends, I tried to make them, but I was reminded of Father by a jab in the side by one of his friend's daughters and sons, and I had to be nasty, mean, conceited, and HORRIBLE—so I wouldn't be reported to Father.
Who was I? It seems so long ago, yet so short… but really, everything seems that way, two things at once, that's what it is! Is my mind mangled from years of my childhood…? I did not have any real childhood. I can remember… I can remember nothing. At least, that is what I want to remember, absolutely nothing…
If I remember nothing, then all of the questions can go away, I won't have to think about them, they won't bother me…
If only I could start all over, make everything all right… get sorted into another House… Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, even Hufflepuff! Just anything but Slytherin!
And then... then maybe… maybe I could be happy.
Who was I? Those long years ago, I was someone else, someone completely different, someone with no experience in life, no knowledge, no feelings, and… no life at all. I was controlled by someone else… Father and Mother controlled me, both Death Eaters, wanting me to follow in their footsteps.
Who was I back then? Stupid, really. I was stupid. I was angry. I was even a bit mad. Being controlled is not the best occasion in a life.
If I listen to Father any longer, I will end up like him… I will be married to another Death Eater, because I will be a Death Eater too… what a horrible thought. I cannot let that happen. Ever. Because then all will be lost…
Who was I?
Who am I?
Who will I be?
You know, maybe there are answers for some people… I suppose that I am not one of the lucky ones… I am not a lecto…
No, I am not a Chosen One, I do not know all the answers, I only know some precious few…
I have told you some… but not all… no one at all can know them… because them they could betray me, and then I would be dead.
And that is the easy way. It is only the easy way. It is not one of my answers. I have an answer for that question, only one question that I think about all the time, every time…
That question is
"What will I do with my life?"
And, you know, my answer is there, but it is just out of reach… but I know its there.
It's there.
I'm sure of it.
And when the time comes, that time for my question to be answered… it will become clear.
And everything is going to be all right.
Who was I?
Who am I?
Who will I be?
Only the God, the source of all magic, and maybe I, can answer these questions.
If anyone else does for me…
All will be lost.
But this will not happen. I will stand tall, because I can…
With all of the strength that has hidden in me for all of these years…
I will win. Because I can. And I will.
I will.
Draco Malfoy signed only his initials at the bottom of a page in what appeared to be a journal as the train he was on came to a stop. Next to it, he wrote, "June 30th, 6:17 PM, Hogwarts Express.
Quickly stuffing it in his bag, he sighed and placed his face into his signature smirk. He walked out of the compartment and eventually out of the train, sulking because he had to go back home. It wasn't worse, but it wasn't better either.
Quite suddenly, his father hit him on the shoulder. "Get your trunk already, lazy boy!" he snapped. He took Draco's bag, and saw the book. "What is this?" he demanded.
"Oh, nothing… it's a book I bought at Hogsmeade during holiday," said Draco hastily.
His father scoffed. "You do not need these kinds of books! We have plenty better ones for you to read at home." He tossed it into the crowd, and Draco stared after it, his mouth slightly open.
"But, but…"
"Come along. NOW."
Draco, now with his trunk in tow, walked after his father. He was worried about the book, but if he disobeyed his father, he would be punished severely for humiliating the family name.
He decided to walk after his father. But he had to look back.
Hermione Granger jumped as something hit her foot. Looking down, she saw a book. She picked it up, and then looked around to see if anyone was missing it. Seeing no one worried, she shrugged and put it in her bag. 'Well, no one seems to be missing it… I'll just read it and ask when we get back to school.' She thought. Checking one last time to see if anyone seemed upset, she turned and walked to her car with her parents.
"I can't wait to get started on this new book…" she whispered to herself, sitting in the car and flipping quickly through the pages. "It looks interesting."
"Willing and able to run
I am
willing and able I'm able to come"
"As darkness quickly steals the light that shined within her eyes,
She slowly swallows all her fear and soothes her mind with lies.
Well all she wants and all she needs are reasons to survive.
A day in which the sun will take her artificial light, Her light"
"And it's one more day in paradise.
One more day in paradise
It's one more day in paradise.
One last chance to feel all right, All right"
Bonnie Falconer
Dedicated to my friends, and Brittany-for helping me find a little bit about who I am.
And thank you to the authors Marissa and AuthorByNight for mentioning a sequel. :)
A/N: A sequel to "Who Am I?" Because the two were written more than a year apart, please excuse differences in ideas… You may want to read "Who Am I?" first. This is also basically in the same format as the first. Please read and review! :)
Disclaimer: No one mentioned in the following story belongs to me, they belong to J.K. Rowling and all of those associated with her characters. Song excepts belong to Vanessa Carlton.
"I was stained with a role
In a day not my own"
"Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame.
Everything is changing and I do not feel the same.
I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought that were strong.
I'm trying to find a place where can feel like I belong."
When I first received the acceptance letter to Hogwarts, I was happy. I could get away from my home… start somewhere new where no one would know who I was. Of course, that was only a foolish façade of mine.
Father was both angry and happy with me at that time. I had been accepted into Hogwarts, but he would no longer be able to keep track of me exactly and keep molding myself into what he wanted me to be: A servant of that man… Lord Voldemort.
I hate him. Lord Voldemort, that is. All he is… he is only slightly stronger than the normal standard. However, the standard is so low that I am shocked that he ever amounted to anything. All he had was a bit of luck. Without his followers, he is nothing. I refuse to stay as a mere minion. To be reduced to that is to be lower than even a Mudblood.
Who was I? When I first saw that letter and was overjoyed? Was I that stupid?
Who was I? At the beginning, enjoying being one of Voldemort's followers, liking the death, and the horror, and everything… stupidity of mine.
Who was I? Only a little boy with nowhere to go?
I could never understand anything, but I did not know. Children always seem to think that they know everything, and they are always right… I was pretty much the same way.
Who was I? All of those long years passed by so slowly, yet so quickly…
At this time, I am confident or doubtful… I can't really see… it can be one or the other but they seem so different! And sometimes I just don't know if I should run and hide or confront my fears.
"Who was I?" is all I say.
Why?
Why can't I just move onto the future instead of holding onto the past?
Why?
And why are all of my questions the one without answers?
And why?
Who am I?
Who was I?
Who will I be?
All throughout my years, my opinions changed… I was a making of my father… I hear people talking about my mother, they feel sorry for her, but they don't understand! They just assume! She is not one to be sorry for! I am! I am! I am the one to be sorry for!
WHY CAN'T THEY SEE?
The people all around just stare, and laugh. My so-called reputation precedes me. Nothing can be changed now.
Two years ago… two years ago, I tried to change. Really. But no one believed me… they never do…
The façade I had created for myself… you ask how it was shattered?
As I said, I was happy, so happy to go away from home… but I was followed! The people, the people that others on the outside consider friends of mine- "cronies," they say, laughing at me over and over again. I have no friends, I tried to make them, but I was reminded of Father by a jab in the side by one of his friend's daughters and sons, and I had to be nasty, mean, conceited, and HORRIBLE—so I wouldn't be reported to Father.
Who was I? It seems so long ago, yet so short… but really, everything seems that way, two things at once, that's what it is! Is my mind mangled from years of my childhood…? I did not have any real childhood. I can remember… I can remember nothing. At least, that is what I want to remember, absolutely nothing…
If I remember nothing, then all of the questions can go away, I won't have to think about them, they won't bother me…
If only I could start all over, make everything all right… get sorted into another House… Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, even Hufflepuff! Just anything but Slytherin!
And then... then maybe… maybe I could be happy.
Who was I? Those long years ago, I was someone else, someone completely different, someone with no experience in life, no knowledge, no feelings, and… no life at all. I was controlled by someone else… Father and Mother controlled me, both Death Eaters, wanting me to follow in their footsteps.
Who was I back then? Stupid, really. I was stupid. I was angry. I was even a bit mad. Being controlled is not the best occasion in a life.
If I listen to Father any longer, I will end up like him… I will be married to another Death Eater, because I will be a Death Eater too… what a horrible thought. I cannot let that happen. Ever. Because then all will be lost…
Who was I?
Who am I?
Who will I be?
You know, maybe there are answers for some people… I suppose that I am not one of the lucky ones… I am not a lecto…
No, I am not a Chosen One, I do not know all the answers, I only know some precious few…
I have told you some… but not all… no one at all can know them… because them they could betray me, and then I would be dead.
And that is the easy way. It is only the easy way. It is not one of my answers. I have an answer for that question, only one question that I think about all the time, every time…
That question is
"What will I do with my life?"
And, you know, my answer is there, but it is just out of reach… but I know its there.
It's there.
I'm sure of it.
And when the time comes, that time for my question to be answered… it will become clear.
And everything is going to be all right.
Who was I?
Who am I?
Who will I be?
Only the God, the source of all magic, and maybe I, can answer these questions.
If anyone else does for me…
All will be lost.
But this will not happen. I will stand tall, because I can…
With all of the strength that has hidden in me for all of these years…
I will win. Because I can. And I will.
I will.
Draco Malfoy signed only his initials at the bottom of a page in what appeared to be a journal as the train he was on came to a stop. Next to it, he wrote, "June 30th, 6:17 PM, Hogwarts Express.
Quickly stuffing it in his bag, he sighed and placed his face into his signature smirk. He walked out of the compartment and eventually out of the train, sulking because he had to go back home. It wasn't worse, but it wasn't better either.
Quite suddenly, his father hit him on the shoulder. "Get your trunk already, lazy boy!" he snapped. He took Draco's bag, and saw the book. "What is this?" he demanded.
"Oh, nothing… it's a book I bought at Hogsmeade during holiday," said Draco hastily.
His father scoffed. "You do not need these kinds of books! We have plenty better ones for you to read at home." He tossed it into the crowd, and Draco stared after it, his mouth slightly open.
"But, but…"
"Come along. NOW."
Draco, now with his trunk in tow, walked after his father. He was worried about the book, but if he disobeyed his father, he would be punished severely for humiliating the family name.
He decided to walk after his father. But he had to look back.
Hermione Granger jumped as something hit her foot. Looking down, she saw a book. She picked it up, and then looked around to see if anyone was missing it. Seeing no one worried, she shrugged and put it in her bag. 'Well, no one seems to be missing it… I'll just read it and ask when we get back to school.' She thought. Checking one last time to see if anyone seemed upset, she turned and walked to her car with her parents.
"I can't wait to get started on this new book…" she whispered to herself, sitting in the car and flipping quickly through the pages. "It looks interesting."
"Willing and able to run
I am
willing and able I'm able to come"
"As darkness quickly steals the light that shined within her eyes,
She slowly swallows all her fear and soothes her mind with lies.
Well all she wants and all she needs are reasons to survive.
A day in which the sun will take her artificial light, Her light"
"And it's one more day in paradise.
One more day in paradise
It's one more day in paradise.
One last chance to feel all right, All right"