Warnings:OOTP Spoilers.Please do not read if you haven't read the book. Also maybe some slight hints of slash in it, but nothing much. Oh and some darkness and angst.
Summary: Harry has to come to terms with Sirius' death. He has to realize that it wasn't a nightmare and he isn't coming back. In memory of our dear Sirius Black.
Darkness of the Dawn
Hollow.
Desolate
A simple wooden carving. Devoid of emotions.
Harry lay limply on his bed, vivid green orbs staring unseeingly at the dull colored ceiling. Hollow. Where Sirius had been in his heart there was a dark ,empty space. A bleeding gap. And nothing could ever fill that.
Harry feels his whole bodytremble as he tries to stop his mind from overwhelming itself with memories he had of his godfather. He simply and stubbornly wanted to forget or continue to live in denial. Sirius couldn't be dead, yet he was. He wouldn't be coming back. There wouldn't be any letter full of birthday wishes when his birthday arrived. Ron's and Hermione's would come, some of the members of the Order's would come, but there would not be the familiar messy scrawl of Sirius' letter. There never would again.
How come he never really thought it possible for him to die? Why did he think that Sirius was indestructible, incapable of truly dieing? Perhaps it was because of aura of strength that his godfather seemed to emit. Or maybe it was because Harry's heart simply wouldn't let him ever believe that the closest he'd ever had to family was dead. After all...
Siriuswas the only onethat seemed to truly love him.
The couragous, determined man who was Harry's rock in the raging sea.
The one who accepted him without question.
Yet, the young wizard was forced to realize that Sirius could die when that red light shot out of that wretched woman's wand and hit his godfather in the chest... when Harry saw him fall into the veiled archway. However, even then the young boy wouldn't believe it. Harry expected Sirius to come out grinning and rearing to rejoin the fight.That was when the desperate hope and faith fled from him and hollow desolateness filled him instead, because as he waited he knew that Sirius would never keep him waiting, not like that.
Sirius was gone.
So hollowness and entered his heart. Along with sorrow and anger and hatred. Vivid green eyes shone with all those emotions. Harry felt anger the most though, angry with himself for being so foolish. If he hadn't believed that stupid dream... Sirius would still be grinning and alive instead of dead. It was all his fault. Harry was putting all the blame upon himself even when others said not to. Because they didn't understand. They didn't understand what he was feeling. How could they! They didn't feel the hollowness that hurt so badly. They couldn't.
Nobody understood. Nobody understood how he would give everything and anything he had to have Sirius alive again. Even his own life. He would even give his own life to just have Sirius happy and alive. Nobody understood that.
Harry remembered when for that few minutes in The Department of Mysteries, when Voldemort had possessed him and he had pleaded with Dumbledore, however in his mind, just to kill him. Just to kill him so he wouldn't have to live with the hollowness. To be with Sirius.
But now he realized that Sirius wanted have truly wanted that. He wouldn't have wanted Harry to die just to be with him. Sirius had spent all his time when he was free from Azkaban to make sure Harry was safe, to make sure he wouldn't die. And if Harry gave up, all his godfather's efforts and death would be in vain.
Be in vain. Sirius wouldn't have wanted that, would he?
No. He wouldn't.
Slowly, theweary boy sits up from his limp position on the bed. Something in his heart and mind had clicked. Out his window,Harrynotices night fading away to the vibrant, burning sun.Quietly, dawn's gentle presence creeps into his room.
Yes. His slim, calloused hands tightens into fists. He would wake up. It wasn't a nightmare. Sirius would not be coming back, plain as that. This was reality.
As he realizes this, something warm crawls into his heart and spreads from his heart to his throat and eyes. Suddenly, he feels a hot liquid slide down his cheek. One drop. Two drops. Three drops. Harry, for the first time since that horrid night, begins to cry quietly. Cry for what he had lost and what he would have to do.
Through a watery curtain of tears,the ebony haired boy could see the dawn fly into his room growing brighter every second of time, yet growing darker in a different sense.
Yes. He would defeat Voldemort for Sirius and for all the lost lives. This was why he had to live. The only reason that was keeping him from Sirius. The dawn was bright but not bright enough. To him it was as dark as the night, but this was the dawn that he had to live in, this was reality, it wasn't a nightmare.
Not any more.
Sirius was dead.
Fin...
Sidenote(s): First HP story, darlings. Reviews are lovely. nods vigorously