Penny looked out of the window of her tower and sighed dreamily.

 "Sigh."

She couldn't shake Jack's piercing blue-I mean- brown eyes from her mind. How ironic that she found her one true love at his own bachelor party. But her thoughts were interrupted by the iron door slamming behind her.

 "Oh, I didn't hear you come in, Mother."

Medda, drunk as usual, strutted towards Penny and stopped at the foot of her bed, surveying her with a hawk-like stare.

 "So, you met the boys, chil'?"

"Um, yeah." Penny looked back out the window, trying to ignore her mother.

 "What was so important to you that you had to stay when I asked you to leave?"

 "Well, I met this one-"

Medda looked up startled. "How many times do I have to tell you, chil'? Never fall in love! It's never good for business!" Medda sat down on the bed and pulled out her Camels. (P.S: Smoking Causes Emphysema.)

 "No, this one is different! He loves me!" Penny defiantly responded.

 "They only want one thing from you child, and they need to pay for it here, so buck up and learn the ways hoe-dom!"

 "What? That's not even a word! You're drunk!"

 "No."

"…..yes!"

 "Make me!"

 Penny sighed. Her mother was impossible. "I refuse to follow in you footsteps!"

"Listen chil', I brought you into this world by accident! I fell in love, and I learned the hard way that love is a dud!"

"That doesn't rhyme." Penny meekly stated.

"Who said it did? Gurl, listen up. It's my way or the highway"

"The high-what?"

 "What I mean is, you will become a hoe, whether you like it or not, and that's final!" She emphasized this statement by throwing her cigarette on the floor and putting it out with her pink pumps with pom-poms.  (She never had good taste in shoes.)

 "No, mother no! You don't understand love! Jack and I are running away as soon as we can-oh!" She stopped abruptly, slapping her hand across her mouth, but the damage had been done. Medda rose from the bed."

"Oh...no...you... didn't!!!  GURL….."

"Didn't what? I meant, umm, running…….per say! Like, umm, symbolically?"

Medda was drunk, but not stupid enough to realize her daughter was pathetically trying to cover up a dangerous slip of the tongue. But, to Penny's surprise, Medda calmly rose and started walking out of the door. Penny let out a relieved sigh……again……….and threw herself on the bed.

CLUNK! She heard the noise suddenly as her foot dropped to the floor. Looking down saw a metal spiked mace (very dangerous looking and could probably poke a few eyes out or damage something important!) trailing from her foot. Her mother, laughing devilishly, swallowed the key (Uh, YEAH she did!) and walked triumphantly out the door, leaving the defeated Penny breathless in disbelief. 

Suddenly she let out a cry. All hope was lost. There was no way to escape the newly christened......Tower of HELL AND BAD STUFF!!! (BWA HA HA HA HA HA!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, back at the Lodging House……..

Jack lay on his back, staring at the stars. The feather boa was entwined between his fingers and the smell of Penny's perfumed lingered around his nostrils. Les sat next to Jack painting his toe nails (Passion Pink) and watching Jack with jealous eyes. David and Mush sat talking and laughing, but David soon noticed that Jack was not joining in on the laughter.

"Hey Jack!" David called, "That was some party, wasn't it?"

"Penny? What?" Jack replied dreamily.

David's eyes narrowed as he rose from his chair. "Party. Not Penny. Party. They don't even sound alike."

He shoved Les out of the way as he sat down next to Jack on his bed. Les frowned and crossed the room to mope in the corner near where Kid Blink was taking a shower. "Something bothering you, Jack?" David asked.

"No, well, I just can't marry your sister."

"Oh well, that's ok-WHAT? Why not?"

Jack sat up, avoiding David's eyes. "I think I may be in love and not with your sister." "With who?"

Jack paused for dramatic effect. "With Medda's daughter, Penny."

There was a long silence, which was broken by Specs coming around from David's side, "You're in love with a hoe?"

"No, no. She not a hoe………yet."

"What do you mean?" By now, most of the Newsies had gathered around, except for Les, who was busy doing something with Kid Blink's loofa. 

"It doesn't matter." Jack responded uncomfortably. "All that matters is that I love her, and that I need to find a way to be with her." Jack sniffed, tears springing to his eyes. All the Newsies looked away uneasily.

"Jack, we love ya and all, but please don't cry on us." Crutchy pleaded, raising nods of agreement from the rest of the group.

The group dispersed and Jack was left alone with David and Les, who had come back with the loofa, which looked suspiciously smaller.

"So, what do we do now?" David asked.

"I've got to think of a way to get her without her mother knowing."

"I still can't believe you don't want to marry my sister. I mean, beside from plates, you're the only thing she's got. I was looking forward to a break from her and her plates. You know, she's even named them." David shivered.

"All the more reason I need to get away from here with Penny! But how do we-"

 All of a sudden, an angelic cry sailed in through the window, catching Jack's attention. "Hark! What is that angelic cry?"

 "Hu? Cry? What sound, pookie?" Les dabbed Kind Blink's loofa into the some water and started to mop Jack's forehead lovingly. "You coming down with something? Because Doctor Les here-"

 "Shut up, Les." Snarled Jack, trying hard to concentrate on the sound.

"Oooo, paging Dr. Love!"

"Les, shut up! I hear it again! And put that sponge away. God knows where it's been!" "Tee hee!" Les tempted,

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"No, actually. I'd pay not to. Just be quiet so I can hear this love cry." Jack closed his eyes, trying to ignore the giggling and David and Les' argument about the confiscation of his loofa. He heard it again. Concentrating even harder this time, Jack tried desperately to analyze the source of the sound. Suddenly, his heart leapt in the realization that the cry belonged to none other than his true love, Penny! He jumped up excited. "I must go to her!"

 "But how?" David questioned, who had obviously won the argument and the loofa, judging by Les moping once again near the showers.

"I'll-I'll RUN!" Jack started towards the door, but Les cut him off.

"Don't leave so soon, you animal you!" Les coaxed, lassoing Jack with the feather boa. "For the last time, Les -WOAH!" Jack cut himself short as his feet lifted off the ground. "I'm-I'm-I'm flying!" Jack gasped. He laughed as he soared above their heads, the magical father boa carrying him to the ceiling.

"Tee hee! I see London, I see France…….."

Jack looked down, only to observe Les looking up his pants.

"Get out from under there, you perv!" David scolded, pulling his little brother away from his best friend. But Jack was too happy to care. He had a plan, and he wasn't going to let a small, gay, 8 year old kid spoil it for him. True love was finally in his grasp! He flew out the window with the cheers and hoots of the Newsies behind him.

"Come back!" wailed Les, but his cry was in vain for Jack was already making his way to the Tower………...of HELL AND BAD STUFF!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Back at the Tower of HABS……..

Penny lay sobbing uncontrollably on her bed.

"Oh woe! Woe is me!" she wept helplessly. "Now I'll never be a Newsie or find true love or be with-JACK!" Her tears of sadness turned to tears of utter joy as Jack flew spread eagled into the tower room and alighted on her bed post. "I knew you'd come for me! But, but how?"

"With love! You see, the pink feather boa you gave me was magical! It makes people fly and so I immediately flew here to save you! ISN'T IT GREAT!" beamed Jack.

Penny looked confused "……Are you on something?"

"Love." Jack purred seductively.

Penny, although a little creeped out, didn't let it bother her because they had a bigger problem to deal with. "Well, we have bigger problem to deal with. I'm shackled to my bed post! My mother tied me up, the old witch!"

"Damn it! Well, I doubt your feather boa can cut metal. I knew it was too good to be true!"

"What are we going to do?"  whimpered Penny.

Suddenly, a man cutting his evening potato below accidentally slipped on cow dung (because there are SO cows roaming the streets of New York, especially under towers...OF HELL AND BAD STUFF!!) and his knife flew up and through the tower window….. conveniently right into the key hole of Penny's spiked foot mace, unlocking it.

"Love has triumphed again!" Jack bellowed.

He pulled Penny to her feet and into his muscular arms. He smoothed back the tangled hair from her face and drew her luscious lips to his own. The room swirled around them, and for a moment, there was no once else in the world but them and there was peace on earth for all mankind, animals could talk and gas was cheap again.

As the kiss came to an end, Penny opened her eyes and gazed into Jack's deep brown eyes. Wait, brown? She looked at the father boa around Jack's neck. It was hot pink!

"I can SEE! Colors that is! Love has cured me!" Penny joyfully declared.

 "What's all that racket?!" Medda shrieked from downstairs. "I'm coming up!"

"Quick Jack!" Penny warned, "we must get out of here now!"

"Come under my arm." Jack commanded.

As she gladly nestled into his arm, Jack rose above the concrete tower floor.

Penny gawked in disbelief. "OH MY GOD!!  I'm-I'm-I'm flying Jack!!!" …………………………………………………………..............

......………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH………..…..GET IT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! OH GOD!.........WE……...ARE …………. GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......Anywho……….

 They made their way towards the window and freedom. But suddenly Medda crashed through the door and leaped up to grab her daughters foot.

"HELP JACK HELP!!" Penny desperately howled

Jack kicked Medda in the face. "Let-go-bitch!!"

 "NEVER!!!!"

 At that moment, Crutchy raced through the door and started beating Medda viciously with his crutch.  With the blessed distraction Penny managed to break free of Medda's clutches and the two lovers soared out the Tower window and off into the crimson sunset.