Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling.
I turn onto my side in his bed, gripping tightly at the sheets as hot miserable tears stain my cheeks. I moan pitifully, smothering the sound by pressing my mouth against his pillows. It all still holds his scent; it is all still so beautifully him. I brought his wand to rest beside the bed. My eyes are bleary with tears so I shut them tightly, willing myself into my memory. To a place where I could reach out to him and touch him, warm with life.
I pretend I can feel him sleeping, touching lightly against my back. I imagine he'll wake up soon and smile. I wish he'd open sweet honey coloured eyes, fix me with a critical look and demand that I rest a few minutes more. His hand will rest against my back, strong and reassuring and I'll even curl up in this bed a harmless wolf when the time comes. If only I had done that.
* *
I stepped into the hall, closing the door gently. We spoke in a whisper, lest Sirius' mother begin to screech again.
"Black wants to go out."
I frowned slightly, "Pardon?"
"Black is intending to leave the house, despite Dumbledore's warnings."
My eyes widened, "I don't understand.."
"I think you do. You must know how much he doesn't want to be stuck in here."
"Ah..Yes.But how-"
Severus slipped his hand into his pocket, produced a long piece of what looked like flesh. "Extendable ears," he looked thoughtfully at the stretched skin.
It didn't seem that Severus knew much, this was a simple warning. He knew that Sirius was more likely to listen to me; I should talk to him and warn him to stay inside. I shifted uncomfortably, trying not to think that in just a few days time Sirius and I would venture into London.
"I'll talk to him," I told Severus and left him in the hall to return to breakfast.
"Oh, I know you will" He said softly behind me, I closed the door quickly and mouthed 'don't ask' at Sirius's questioning stare.
* *
I should have realised Severus wouldn't be satisfied with that. I should have realised that he would still be watching, listening.
A few weeks after Severus' warning the full moon was upon us. I woke that morning and I had almost forgotten our plans for the night. My muscles ached and my head pounded with my heart beat, my body was preparing for the change. I covered myself in bed sheets and pillows, groaning when Sirius came in and flung himself at the bed in excitement. He heard and patted the mass of pillows.
"Not feeling so good?"
"When have I ever at this time.?" My voice sounded weary, I felt like I hadn't slept at all. Sirius found my head and tousled my hair, his cold hand eased my headache slightly, I grabbed it and held it against my forehead "Ohhhhhh.that's good."
He grinned, stroked the hair back from my face "Need a headache remedy?"
"No, they never work."
"Well I want to do something.." "I'm not drinking useless potions simply because you are feeling sympathetic, but thank you anyway." I pushed some of the sheets away, sat up in the bed. He looked at my bare chest, no doubt noticing the fine scar that trailed my ribs. I didn't wait for him to ask, "I went out into the countryside one night, and although I had taken my wolfs bane potion someone else who was also out to enjoy the full moon had not. They wanted to fight." He reached out and touched the white scar. So much had happened while he was gone, and now I couldn't quite convince myself he was back. As much as I believed he deserved his punishment I was distraught at the thought of never seeing him again. I wrote to him every single day, only sometimes sending the letters, I felt guilty at feeling anything for him still. He had betrayed James and Lily, killed Peter.
He stared at me a moment, "I'd have torn them apart for you Moony."
I felt uneasy about accepting that as something good, but I understood what he meant. Sirius could be unthinkably violent when he wanted to be, it was a blessing of fate he was never placed in Slytherin. I wouldn't have wanted to fight against him. I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around him in a friendly hug "I know." He looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment then hugged back, I could still feel that he was tense so I released him and fell back against the bed sheets exhausted before the day had even started.
"Half bloods, disgusting creatures.." We both started as the door opened and Kreacher walked around the edge of my room, prodding at traces of dust on the wall. Sirius stared over at him, not bothering to move. "Wolves" he hissed, "Disgrace to the name of Black.look at them, mistress will be."
"Kreacher" Sirius had snapped, leaping up from the bed he grabbed Kreacher by his leg and slid open my window. "If you ever mention Remus in this house again, whether to a person or not.I will drop you out of this window and when you die at the bottom I won't be cutting off your ugly head to stare at on the wall everyday. Do you understand?" Kreacher muttered words I couldn't hear but they seemed to satisfy Sirius, he flung Kreacher out of the door.
He pulled his wand from his pocket, aimed it at the door which shut. "I'd kill him if Dumbledore hadn't." he shrugged, showing he didn't really care either way about Kreacher.
"You wouldn't kill him"
"No, but hurt him a lot."
"Sirius, about tonight.."
He sat down on the bed suddenly, looking thoroughly depressed "You've changed your mind haven't you."
"No.I wanted to say that we really are going to have to be so careful Padfoot." I climbed out of the covers, uncomfortably warm the in early summer heat. I reached out for him hesitantly, put my hands onto his shoulders and pressed my lips against his. He stiffened then I felt him part his lips, and his tongue against my upper lip. I smiled, hit him on the shoulder gently "You haven't been out for a long time I know, but you mustn't get carried away."
"No," he agreed very seriously, shoved me back down onto the bed and leaned over "Sir." He smiled wickedly, clamping his hands over my wrists, his familiar teasing. I was about to struggle away from him when someone knocked at the door.
The voice of Molly rang out from the hallway, "Remus I have your clean clothes."
"Ah..could you leave them outside Molly, thank you?" I looked at Sirius meaningfully; he rolled his eyes and moved off.
"Are you okay Remus? I know it's a full moon dear; I want to know that you are alright" Her voice dripped with motherly concern, the previous month I had succumbed to her concerns let her make me potions to build my strength. Molly was a good woman, truly. She reminded me of my own mother.
"I'm fine Molly."
"I hope you are decent" I stared at the door, which suddenly burst open. Molly smiled sweetly from the other side. I grabbed sheets to cover up, I wore only shorts. "Good morning d-" And then she saw Sirius. Her smiled dropped, "Oh..I'll just leave these things here" She dropped the clothes onto the bed, left the room without another word.
Sirius slid back onto the bed, "So, how will we get out of here?"
I turn onto my side in his bed, gripping tightly at the sheets as hot miserable tears stain my cheeks. I moan pitifully, smothering the sound by pressing my mouth against his pillows. It all still holds his scent; it is all still so beautifully him. I brought his wand to rest beside the bed. My eyes are bleary with tears so I shut them tightly, willing myself into my memory. To a place where I could reach out to him and touch him, warm with life.
I pretend I can feel him sleeping, touching lightly against my back. I imagine he'll wake up soon and smile. I wish he'd open sweet honey coloured eyes, fix me with a critical look and demand that I rest a few minutes more. His hand will rest against my back, strong and reassuring and I'll even curl up in this bed a harmless wolf when the time comes. If only I had done that.
* *
I stepped into the hall, closing the door gently. We spoke in a whisper, lest Sirius' mother begin to screech again.
"Black wants to go out."
I frowned slightly, "Pardon?"
"Black is intending to leave the house, despite Dumbledore's warnings."
My eyes widened, "I don't understand.."
"I think you do. You must know how much he doesn't want to be stuck in here."
"Ah..Yes.But how-"
Severus slipped his hand into his pocket, produced a long piece of what looked like flesh. "Extendable ears," he looked thoughtfully at the stretched skin.
It didn't seem that Severus knew much, this was a simple warning. He knew that Sirius was more likely to listen to me; I should talk to him and warn him to stay inside. I shifted uncomfortably, trying not to think that in just a few days time Sirius and I would venture into London.
"I'll talk to him," I told Severus and left him in the hall to return to breakfast.
"Oh, I know you will" He said softly behind me, I closed the door quickly and mouthed 'don't ask' at Sirius's questioning stare.
* *
I should have realised Severus wouldn't be satisfied with that. I should have realised that he would still be watching, listening.
A few weeks after Severus' warning the full moon was upon us. I woke that morning and I had almost forgotten our plans for the night. My muscles ached and my head pounded with my heart beat, my body was preparing for the change. I covered myself in bed sheets and pillows, groaning when Sirius came in and flung himself at the bed in excitement. He heard and patted the mass of pillows.
"Not feeling so good?"
"When have I ever at this time.?" My voice sounded weary, I felt like I hadn't slept at all. Sirius found my head and tousled my hair, his cold hand eased my headache slightly, I grabbed it and held it against my forehead "Ohhhhhh.that's good."
He grinned, stroked the hair back from my face "Need a headache remedy?"
"No, they never work."
"Well I want to do something.." "I'm not drinking useless potions simply because you are feeling sympathetic, but thank you anyway." I pushed some of the sheets away, sat up in the bed. He looked at my bare chest, no doubt noticing the fine scar that trailed my ribs. I didn't wait for him to ask, "I went out into the countryside one night, and although I had taken my wolfs bane potion someone else who was also out to enjoy the full moon had not. They wanted to fight." He reached out and touched the white scar. So much had happened while he was gone, and now I couldn't quite convince myself he was back. As much as I believed he deserved his punishment I was distraught at the thought of never seeing him again. I wrote to him every single day, only sometimes sending the letters, I felt guilty at feeling anything for him still. He had betrayed James and Lily, killed Peter.
He stared at me a moment, "I'd have torn them apart for you Moony."
I felt uneasy about accepting that as something good, but I understood what he meant. Sirius could be unthinkably violent when he wanted to be, it was a blessing of fate he was never placed in Slytherin. I wouldn't have wanted to fight against him. I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around him in a friendly hug "I know." He looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment then hugged back, I could still feel that he was tense so I released him and fell back against the bed sheets exhausted before the day had even started.
"Half bloods, disgusting creatures.." We both started as the door opened and Kreacher walked around the edge of my room, prodding at traces of dust on the wall. Sirius stared over at him, not bothering to move. "Wolves" he hissed, "Disgrace to the name of Black.look at them, mistress will be."
"Kreacher" Sirius had snapped, leaping up from the bed he grabbed Kreacher by his leg and slid open my window. "If you ever mention Remus in this house again, whether to a person or not.I will drop you out of this window and when you die at the bottom I won't be cutting off your ugly head to stare at on the wall everyday. Do you understand?" Kreacher muttered words I couldn't hear but they seemed to satisfy Sirius, he flung Kreacher out of the door.
He pulled his wand from his pocket, aimed it at the door which shut. "I'd kill him if Dumbledore hadn't." he shrugged, showing he didn't really care either way about Kreacher.
"You wouldn't kill him"
"No, but hurt him a lot."
"Sirius, about tonight.."
He sat down on the bed suddenly, looking thoroughly depressed "You've changed your mind haven't you."
"No.I wanted to say that we really are going to have to be so careful Padfoot." I climbed out of the covers, uncomfortably warm the in early summer heat. I reached out for him hesitantly, put my hands onto his shoulders and pressed my lips against his. He stiffened then I felt him part his lips, and his tongue against my upper lip. I smiled, hit him on the shoulder gently "You haven't been out for a long time I know, but you mustn't get carried away."
"No," he agreed very seriously, shoved me back down onto the bed and leaned over "Sir." He smiled wickedly, clamping his hands over my wrists, his familiar teasing. I was about to struggle away from him when someone knocked at the door.
The voice of Molly rang out from the hallway, "Remus I have your clean clothes."
"Ah..could you leave them outside Molly, thank you?" I looked at Sirius meaningfully; he rolled his eyes and moved off.
"Are you okay Remus? I know it's a full moon dear; I want to know that you are alright" Her voice dripped with motherly concern, the previous month I had succumbed to her concerns let her make me potions to build my strength. Molly was a good woman, truly. She reminded me of my own mother.
"I'm fine Molly."
"I hope you are decent" I stared at the door, which suddenly burst open. Molly smiled sweetly from the other side. I grabbed sheets to cover up, I wore only shorts. "Good morning d-" And then she saw Sirius. Her smiled dropped, "Oh..I'll just leave these things here" She dropped the clothes onto the bed, left the room without another word.
Sirius slid back onto the bed, "So, how will we get out of here?"