Mummy Always Said You Were Mad...
A/n: Having already decided that I love Tonks as a character, there are still a few aspects of her personality I'm not sure about...Such as whether she's actually Remus Lupin's long awaited soul mate, or infact an out and proud lesbian...I think at the moment I'm leaning towards Lupin, but this particular fic has references to the 'other side' of her personality, so if that sort of thing offends you, then I'd advise you to go read another fic :) Preferably a cute fluffy one where Tonks and Lupin get married and have lots of cute little shapeshifting werewolf babies...awwww...
It was not a sight that one would ever wake up to by choice. Infact, the only thing that kept Nymphadora Tonks from screaming as she opened her eyes was the gag that charmed itself round her mouth the second she did so." 'For sat at the end of her bed was a witch that most magic folk feared ever coming across at all, let alone on a dark night, and in their bedroom. Tonks let out a strangled cry, and pulled uselessly at the gag as she did so.
"Shhh," the witch giggled, watching the terror grow on the face of the young witch infront of her. "I'll take it off, if you promise not to scream." As a way of expressing her promise, Tonks nodded tentatively, gasping loudly as she felt the pressure on her lips lessen.
""'You"'!" she hissed, diving for her bedside drawer, and scrambling for her wand. Her only reply was a harsh cackle.
"Looking for this?" Tonks froze as her own wand was waved infront of her face and flung across the room, where it bounced off the peeling plasterboard, and rolled sadly under the small wardrobe. Tonks could do nothing but gape, searching for words that wouldn't come as she felt a slow, hot anger build up inside her. Unsure whether to follow her instincts and launch herself across the bed, hopefully disarming the other witch in the process, or curl up in a petrified ball and sob, she eventually settled on a middle ground and spat ferociously: "How could you?"
She was met with a smirk. "Now now child, that's not the nicest greeting is it? How about 'Nice to see you Auntie Bella'? Or are you perhaps trying to disassociate yourself from the Black family? I can't say I'd entirely blame you, not after the pitiful way your dear second cousin defended himself in our little duel." This was too much for Tonks to take. Blinded by white hot anger, she flung herself across the bed, but was stopped before she'd barely begun by a cry of "Impedimentia!"
Bellatrix Lestrange's eyes flashed coolly. "Come now, there's really no need to get so upset. I know I may have missed a few birthdays over the years, but its nothing that can't be made up for, surely?" As she slowly started to regain usage of her limbs, Tonks couldn't help but emit a small, bitter laugh.
"What's so funny darling?" Bellatrix whispered, running a hand across her nieces cheek, feeling her flinch as she made contact.
"Nothing." Tonks growled. "I was just thinking that I really should have listened to mother when she told me you were crazy all those years ago." Bellatrix smiled fondly.
"But you didn't, did you? You doted on me as a child. You were such a sweet little thing, so eager to please...And then...when you got a little older..." The dark haired, fiery eyed witch licked her lips with excitement as she trailed off.
The realisation of the acute danger she was in was slowly beginning to dawn on Tonks. Nervously, her voice ragged with emotion, she asked: "What are you doing here anyway? You and Malfoy are the most wanted people in our world at the moment, aside from You Know Who. Shouldn't you be in hiding or something?"
"Hiding?" came the incredulous reply. "Why should I want to do that? The Ministry Officials are all terrified of the pair of us anyway. We've already proved that no prison can hold us. Why should we hide? What can they possibly do to us?"
"The Aurors will get you," Tonks snapped. "You really are mad, you must be. Do you realise this building's probably being surrounded right now? I know it's not Ministry policy, but in your case, I'm sure they could justify using "'any"' of the Unforgivable Curses. And you'd deserve every last curse they threw at you." Despite her pseudo bravery, Tonks was now shaking, and she was fairly sure most of the colour must have drained from her cheeks. The chuckle she was met with didn't help matters.
"Surrounding the building? Darling, what would be the point? And I must say, I am rather disappointed. I heard the Auror exams had gotten harder, and I was most impressed when I heard you'd passed...never thought you had quite the...shall we say..."'delicacy"'...to make it through. And yet here I find you living in an apartment devoid of a single anti-Apparition charm? Tut tut darling, what would Moody say?" Tonks knew exactly what Moody would say. Infact, the thought of a two hour lecture on constant vigilance almost brought a smile to her face despite the situation.
"Anyway," she glared, mutinously. "What "'are "'you here for? Or have you just come to gloat about Sirius? What is it you're after? A round of applause? Or perhaps a medal of some sort?"
"Ah," Bellatrix uttered softly. "Now we come to the interesting part." At this, she shifted up the bed until she was level with the younger woman, draping an arm around her shoulders in a comforting fashion. "For a start, you can stop looking so petrified. I'm not going to hurt you. I think you learnt your lesson well enough after the incident at the Ministry. How long were you in St Mungo's for? Two weeks?" Tonks nodded, feeling ashamed at herself as the memories flooded back.
She'd been doing so well, holding her own against the immeasurably more powerful witch, until she'd tumbled down a long flight of steps and broken every one of her ribs. And she couldn't even kid herself that she had at least been beaten fairly, for it was not a curse that had caused her fall, she had simply missed her footing. Staring into her Aunt's eyes, she felt the familiar tears prickling in her own. No one knew how often she lay and replayed the scene inside her head. 'If only I hadn't been so goddam clumsy,' she told herself, 'if only I'd watched my footing...Sirius might still be alive.'
"There there," Bellatrix whispered gently. "Don't cry now. The traitor deserved to die. He had no use. You, however..." Tonks felt the hairs on the back of her neck rising in alarm.
"Use? What use could I possibly be to you?"
"Oh darling, need you even ask? You always have been rather "'special"' haven't you?" Comprehension dawned on Tonks, and, through gritted teeth she managed to force out:
"Oh, so I'm "'special"' now am I? Only, I was always under the impression that you thought "'freak"' was more fitting?" Bellatrix shook her head with mock sadness.
"Where on Earth did you get that idea? Perhaps Narcissa and I may have voiced our concerns on occasion to your dear mother that possibly adopting a Metamorphmagus child wasn't the wisest option...but really, we got on well, didn't we?" Tonks felt her insides flip as the elder woman stared into her eyes. Her gaze, she fancied, penetrated into her very soul.
"I...I..."
"Tongue tied child? That certainly brings back memories." The sudden rush of shame that swept over Tonks almost made her cry out loud from the pressure of it all. She was being confronted with the one issue she had tried to bury deep inside many years ago, the one that still disturbed her most, and the one that still frequently caused her to wake drenched in cold sweat at the awfulness of it. The woman that was her adoptive mother's sister was now stroking her currently pink hair gently, much in the fashion that Andromeda Tonks had done many years before, whenever her daughter had had a bad dream.
"I was just a child. It was a crush. It meant nothing." Tonks had to fight to keep her voice steady.
"Really? Is that so? Only, I was under the impression that you were actually in love with me? And if I recall correctly, you were ending your Hogwarts years at the time. You were a young woman, and fully responsible for your actions I'm afraid dear. The 'just a child' doesn't wash."
"Yes...well..." Tonks was now gulping in air as opposed to breathing, praying that the tears still waiting to fall, blurring the edge of her vision would disappear.
"Well what, you filthy little dyke?" Anger now flared in Bellatrix, as she grabbed the younger witch by the neck and pushed her head back against the wall roughly. "You can drop the innocent act right now. The idol worshipping may be excused by childish naivety, but by the time you came of age you were practically "'obsessed"' with me.""' "'She smiled evilly, as though thrilled by this fact. "Don't even bother pretending. You always were far too transparent to be a successful Auror. Have you been deluding yourself sweetheart? You knew exactly what I was and what I did, but it didn't stop you did it?"
Much as Tonks wanted to scream her protests, she couldn't. Not only was this due to the fact that her throat was currently being pressed with force against the wall, but because the words stuck, and sounded feeble even to her own ears.
She longed to be able to deny the accusations, to laugh them off and ignore them, but that was impossible. For, as terrible as it sounded, it was true. Her feelings for Bellatrix had run so much deeper than any child's hormonal confusion. Obsessed was just about the measure of it really. Despite the fact that her mother had long warned her that both her sisters were entangled in the Dark Arts, Tonks had always been enthralled by her beautiful 'aunt'. Hers was not a conventional beauty, but a dark one, from her permanently windswept raven hair, to her petite but powerful frame, and that was without mention of those eyes...
She had never been aware of quite how conscious the other witch was of her feelings towards her, but it was a fool that thought they could keep anything from Bellatrix Lestrange. At the time, she had chosen to ignore the accusations cast against her, but a sense of uncomfortability had restrained her from ever speaking about the way she felt to another soul. However, she wasn't stupid. Any hopes Tonks might have had of Bella's innocence had been dispelled the day she had been sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban. Years had passed since, but the memory was still raw, and a tense silence filled the room.
"Come with me," the silvery voice commanded. "Let me take you away with me. I made a mistake at the Ministry, and Potter lived, but if I take the Dark Lord a shape shifter, then..." She let a pause fill the air.
"I won't." Tonks told her, her eyes closed and lips trembling. "Find yourself another Metamorphmagus, because I'm not coming with you. How could you think that I feel anything for you any more but hate?" Bellatrix giggled.
"Child, I don't think, I know. Are you honestly trying to tell me you don't still think of me? You know there's no point lying to me, don't you? Tell me honestly, has any other woman ever even come close?" Her arrogance pulled Tonks from the lull she had fallen into.
"You were nothing special," she hissed. "Alright, I may not have been a child, but I was young. I didn't know what I wanted. A few years perspective has shown me how stupid I was...Don't you know the very memory of you makes me sick? Why do you think I strove so hard to become an Auror? Face it Auntie Bell, you just don't have a hold over me any more." This was evidently not what Bellatrix had wanted to hear.
"Very well then dear, you leave me no choice. And I had so hoped that we could do this the easy way." She raised her wand slowly, as Tonks stared wildly around the room in an attempt to seek an escape route. However, before she had a chance to bolt for the door, Bellatrix paused. She lowered her wand again and leant forwards slowly, pressing her body against her niece's more muscular frame. Her face was merely an inch away, getting closer, and then...
The door burst open. Dashing into the room came Alastor Moody, Mundungus Fletcher and Remus Lupin. Shrieking with rage, Bellatrix paused for less than half a second, weighing up her options, then, before a single curse was thrown, she disappeared with a bang. Tonks remained frozen at the suddenness of events, letting Moody's beginnings of a diatribe on protecting her home and not missing meetings of the Order wash over her completely. She sat quite still with her back against her pillow, her fingers pressed gently against her lips, and remained still as Lupin sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her protectively.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, it was the kindness of his gesture that lead to the tears that had been threatening to fall all night finally start to spill. He hushed her quietly, rocking her small body in comfort, and continued to do so for several minutes until she had started to breathe a little easier. However, it was not until Mundungus and Moody had left the room to send word to the Order that all was well that he actually spoke.
"Rough night, huh Nymphadora?" His teasing usage of the name she hated raised her first smile for hours.
"You could say that I guess. Nothing I couldn't handle, obviously."
"Obviously. Did she hurt you?" There was a long pause, and then, grimly but with an air of finality, Tonks replied:
"No. No, of course she didn't."
"Good...I don't want to think about what could have happened if we hadn't arrived when we did." As she looked into his serious brown eyes, her smile became twisted, and her fists clenched tightly at her sheets, as she almost whispered:
"Neither do I, Remus. Neither do I."