# Chapter 3 - Frayed, Inside-Outside
~*~
You don't remember me but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do...
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me
Have you forgotten all I know?
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
~*~
Archer dropped him at the main entry of the hospital. It was a strange looking building, and surrounded by military guards. He still wore his uniform, he felt it was better to appear like a superior officer. But was this what he wanted? Did he want to visit her? He was afraid of what he might see or of how she would react. A doctor clad in a white robe approached him. Trip put on his hostile face, as usual when things were getting near him.
"Commander Tucker?" the clinic asked politely.
"Yes!" he replied, as friendly as possible. He didn't want to be turned away just because he was aggressive, but at the same time he tried to think out strategies not to have to go in there. He was such a coward, he scolded himself. Following the doctor through long corridors full of oddly looking patients, Trip felt more and more uncomfortable. He shouldn't be there, this was not any of the regular missions, this was something that just could not be what his fate had designated for him. Since she had left him in this state, he had not known where to go and what to do. One thing he knew. She had been right for him. When they had met, he had come to realize. Enlisting in the Star Fleet was one of the other few things he was sure was right for him.
"Commander?" the voice of the doctor pulled him out of his reverie.
"Yeah?" he replied, pretending to just haven't heard him.
"We're here. This is her room. Right now we're doing some tests, you can wait here."
Trip nodded and leant against the white wall. Still, thoughts and strange images paced through his head, leaving him dizzy and at unease. He had to wait for about 15 minutes, one passing even slower than the one before. Without a certain rhythm he knocked the wall until his knuckles hurt. HE still remembered her name, but he had almost forgotten the beauty of her face. Her eyes, her smile, her everything that he once had loved more than anything in this world. Oh, how he missed her, but he felt that the person in this room wouldn't be her. It just couldn't be. Lynn had been a lively person, never quiet and never unhappy. It was too quiet in this room. Everything had changed, his whole world had come tumbling down in an instant.
He still knocked against the concrete of the wall, unaware of things going on around him.
"So, now you can come in. We've fixed her up a little, now she looks like a human being again." A sturdy white-haired nurse said in a mocking tone. Trip poked his head carefully through the heavy door, avoiding direct eye-contact with her.
"Come in, she's not gonna bite you…"
He suddenly lost his temper. "Would you kindly cut that crap out? I know that!"
The nurse did not seem to be impressed by his sudden rage. She just kept on meddling and fussing with cables and flacons of some transparent something.
Trip let his gaze fly across the room. Then he saw her.
Lynn lay on a white bed amidst the white room and looked so pale, or was it just the oxygen tent? Trip did not dare to move closer, afraid of hurting her. He tried not to think of her but it was pretty a hard thing to do. She seemed to be sleeping. The nurse walked past him, looking at him intensely. She didn't recognize him, but that didn't matter to him.
"You can see her now. Don't make her edgy, she needs rest!" She saw Trip's angry but desperate face. "Don't worry, she's sedated."
"Can she hear me?"
"Sure, she can even speak, but most of the time it doesn't make any sense." The nurse shrugged and waved her hand in front of her forehead, rolling her eyes. He wanted to hit her so badly in this moment, but restrained himself. It wouldn't have done any good.
"Thank you!" he growled and the nurse left.
It was so quiet inside this tiny sanitary room, only the soft breath-like sound of the respirator was to be heard. They had put a hole into her head to alleviate the pressure. How did this all happen? Trip had questioned himself over and over before but never found an answer. She had never been normal, but she'd never been a freak. Those medics kept her like an animal. Maybe they had already cut her open to find out why she was so special.
"Lynn?" he softly spoke.
Now she moved her head and a deep groan escaped her throat. Trip held his breath and his heart missed a few beats.
"Lynn?" he whispered again but still got no answer. Her head was still moving.
He remembered when she first showed symptoms of that mysterious sickness. They had been on holidays in Cape Canaveral, because Lynn had never seen the first steps of modern space exploration. She had been so impressed by all this and always supported him in his decision to join Star Fleet and to become enlisted in one of the great star ships. He hadn't been so sure about this, but her energetic aura had made him learn to believe in himself. And when they had returned to their small apartment close to the beach, they had talked and talked until the late evening, and then made love throughout the night. It had been this night when this all had started.
"Lynn?" He asked again, this time a little louder.
~*~
You don't remember me but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do...
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me
Have you forgotten all I know?
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
~*~
Archer dropped him at the main entry of the hospital. It was a strange looking building, and surrounded by military guards. He still wore his uniform, he felt it was better to appear like a superior officer. But was this what he wanted? Did he want to visit her? He was afraid of what he might see or of how she would react. A doctor clad in a white robe approached him. Trip put on his hostile face, as usual when things were getting near him.
"Commander Tucker?" the clinic asked politely.
"Yes!" he replied, as friendly as possible. He didn't want to be turned away just because he was aggressive, but at the same time he tried to think out strategies not to have to go in there. He was such a coward, he scolded himself. Following the doctor through long corridors full of oddly looking patients, Trip felt more and more uncomfortable. He shouldn't be there, this was not any of the regular missions, this was something that just could not be what his fate had designated for him. Since she had left him in this state, he had not known where to go and what to do. One thing he knew. She had been right for him. When they had met, he had come to realize. Enlisting in the Star Fleet was one of the other few things he was sure was right for him.
"Commander?" the voice of the doctor pulled him out of his reverie.
"Yeah?" he replied, pretending to just haven't heard him.
"We're here. This is her room. Right now we're doing some tests, you can wait here."
Trip nodded and leant against the white wall. Still, thoughts and strange images paced through his head, leaving him dizzy and at unease. He had to wait for about 15 minutes, one passing even slower than the one before. Without a certain rhythm he knocked the wall until his knuckles hurt. HE still remembered her name, but he had almost forgotten the beauty of her face. Her eyes, her smile, her everything that he once had loved more than anything in this world. Oh, how he missed her, but he felt that the person in this room wouldn't be her. It just couldn't be. Lynn had been a lively person, never quiet and never unhappy. It was too quiet in this room. Everything had changed, his whole world had come tumbling down in an instant.
He still knocked against the concrete of the wall, unaware of things going on around him.
"So, now you can come in. We've fixed her up a little, now she looks like a human being again." A sturdy white-haired nurse said in a mocking tone. Trip poked his head carefully through the heavy door, avoiding direct eye-contact with her.
"Come in, she's not gonna bite you…"
He suddenly lost his temper. "Would you kindly cut that crap out? I know that!"
The nurse did not seem to be impressed by his sudden rage. She just kept on meddling and fussing with cables and flacons of some transparent something.
Trip let his gaze fly across the room. Then he saw her.
Lynn lay on a white bed amidst the white room and looked so pale, or was it just the oxygen tent? Trip did not dare to move closer, afraid of hurting her. He tried not to think of her but it was pretty a hard thing to do. She seemed to be sleeping. The nurse walked past him, looking at him intensely. She didn't recognize him, but that didn't matter to him.
"You can see her now. Don't make her edgy, she needs rest!" She saw Trip's angry but desperate face. "Don't worry, she's sedated."
"Can she hear me?"
"Sure, she can even speak, but most of the time it doesn't make any sense." The nurse shrugged and waved her hand in front of her forehead, rolling her eyes. He wanted to hit her so badly in this moment, but restrained himself. It wouldn't have done any good.
"Thank you!" he growled and the nurse left.
It was so quiet inside this tiny sanitary room, only the soft breath-like sound of the respirator was to be heard. They had put a hole into her head to alleviate the pressure. How did this all happen? Trip had questioned himself over and over before but never found an answer. She had never been normal, but she'd never been a freak. Those medics kept her like an animal. Maybe they had already cut her open to find out why she was so special.
"Lynn?" he softly spoke.
Now she moved her head and a deep groan escaped her throat. Trip held his breath and his heart missed a few beats.
"Lynn?" he whispered again but still got no answer. Her head was still moving.
He remembered when she first showed symptoms of that mysterious sickness. They had been on holidays in Cape Canaveral, because Lynn had never seen the first steps of modern space exploration. She had been so impressed by all this and always supported him in his decision to join Star Fleet and to become enlisted in one of the great star ships. He hadn't been so sure about this, but her energetic aura had made him learn to believe in himself. And when they had returned to their small apartment close to the beach, they had talked and talked until the late evening, and then made love throughout the night. It had been this night when this all had started.
"Lynn?" He asked again, this time a little louder.