# Chapter 4 - A Faint Gleam of Hope
(lyrics by Remy Zero - Save Me)
~*~
I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
And they pull you under
And I would give you anything you want, but no
You were all I wanted
And all my dreams are falling down
Crawling around and around
~*~
She still moved her head, and finally opened her eyes, but her gaze was as empty as he remembered. The last time he had seen her, she hadn't been able to recognize him. It had been around the time when he was promoted as Chief Engineer on the Vulcan Campus and when she had been taken into hospital after several tests and experiments to analyze why she had those seizures.
Her mouth was open but there were no sounds coming out. She winced again and Trip finally decided to move closer. The look of her made him draw his breath in sharply. The dark rings around her eyes contrasted with the white and pallid color of her face. She used to have a healthy tan before she got here. This tiny person lying on this bed had almost nothing in common with the woman he used to know. Her hair was cropped relatively short and in messy strands, and not anymore of that beautiful strawberry reddish color that he had memorized. Her skin was as thin as parchment and the happy and serene expression that used to be there, had completely disappeared.
He took another step towards her and could have almost touched her when he extended his hand. But that was no option, not anymore. What if she didn't even remember him? It was an easy thing to believe since she had been almost comatose for many months.
He still stared at her, his mouth opened as if to say something. But what was he supposed to say? The nurse had said that she could hear him but there was no such evidence. Her gaze was still empty and blank. It hurt him so much to see her like that, and it wasn't just pity. She didn't deserve this, he thought. There she is, and here I am, and still it is not possible for us to be together. Unnoticed, a tear made its way down his cheek. It had been a long time since he last had cried, since he had really cried. Sobbing over a sappy movie was something different. Here his everything lay in front of him and he couldn't do anything to change it. How he wished to turn back time.
"Lynn..." he finally breathed and now she turned her head and her eyes focused on him. She opened her mouth as if to say something but kept quiet. Trip's heart raced when she eyed him extensively. It was as if she had never seen him before. Then suddenly a shiver ran through her body and a painful expression appeared on her face.
"No..." he whispered and covered his face with both of his hands. He hadn't wanted any of this to happen. When she was taken to the hospital, he didn't have a chance to be with her or to care for her. He remembered it as if it was just yesterday. A piercing scream startled him from his sleep and Lynn twisted beneath his arm. Her eyes were closed tightly and her mouth twitched. He still had no clue why or how it had happened but later the clinics tried to explain to him that she was hypersensitive to touch and thought. So she was emphatic. She hadn't told him, maybe she hadn't even known it herself. And so it all had been his fault. He had touched her and thought of her, which was a natural thing, Archer had tried to comfort him then. He just couldn't stop. How was he supposed to know anyway? He loved her, he still did. But since she was under medical care and attention, he had not often gotten the chance to see her. But after he had signed up to serve aboard the NX-01, which had been about 16 months ago, he had thought about ending it all. Since she was so sick, it would have probably been best for both of them, yet he felt it wouldn't have been. He missed her, ever since, but he had always failed to realize. Maybe it was just the way he was. Trying to escape when things got bad or wouldn't go his way.
Now when he lowered his hands to look at her again, her eyelids fluttered. She seemed to be trapped inside another world. Probably the medication, Trip thought. It was a hard thing to manage, to be close to somebody but not being able to touch or think about that somebody.
"Hun? Can you hear me?" he asked at last.
She turned her head into the direction the sounds came from, and her eyes locked on his again.
"Yes..." her voice was hoarse and throaty. Her dry lips barely moved when she whispered those words.
"I am so sorry." It almost broke his heart. Trip did not know how to continue.
Lynn tried to smile, but it looked more like she was in pain. "I know..."
Suddenly there was a complete emptiness inside his head and all the words he had longed to say were gone.
(lyrics by Remy Zero - Save Me)
~*~
I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
And they pull you under
And I would give you anything you want, but no
You were all I wanted
And all my dreams are falling down
Crawling around and around
~*~
She still moved her head, and finally opened her eyes, but her gaze was as empty as he remembered. The last time he had seen her, she hadn't been able to recognize him. It had been around the time when he was promoted as Chief Engineer on the Vulcan Campus and when she had been taken into hospital after several tests and experiments to analyze why she had those seizures.
Her mouth was open but there were no sounds coming out. She winced again and Trip finally decided to move closer. The look of her made him draw his breath in sharply. The dark rings around her eyes contrasted with the white and pallid color of her face. She used to have a healthy tan before she got here. This tiny person lying on this bed had almost nothing in common with the woman he used to know. Her hair was cropped relatively short and in messy strands, and not anymore of that beautiful strawberry reddish color that he had memorized. Her skin was as thin as parchment and the happy and serene expression that used to be there, had completely disappeared.
He took another step towards her and could have almost touched her when he extended his hand. But that was no option, not anymore. What if she didn't even remember him? It was an easy thing to believe since she had been almost comatose for many months.
He still stared at her, his mouth opened as if to say something. But what was he supposed to say? The nurse had said that she could hear him but there was no such evidence. Her gaze was still empty and blank. It hurt him so much to see her like that, and it wasn't just pity. She didn't deserve this, he thought. There she is, and here I am, and still it is not possible for us to be together. Unnoticed, a tear made its way down his cheek. It had been a long time since he last had cried, since he had really cried. Sobbing over a sappy movie was something different. Here his everything lay in front of him and he couldn't do anything to change it. How he wished to turn back time.
"Lynn..." he finally breathed and now she turned her head and her eyes focused on him. She opened her mouth as if to say something but kept quiet. Trip's heart raced when she eyed him extensively. It was as if she had never seen him before. Then suddenly a shiver ran through her body and a painful expression appeared on her face.
"No..." he whispered and covered his face with both of his hands. He hadn't wanted any of this to happen. When she was taken to the hospital, he didn't have a chance to be with her or to care for her. He remembered it as if it was just yesterday. A piercing scream startled him from his sleep and Lynn twisted beneath his arm. Her eyes were closed tightly and her mouth twitched. He still had no clue why or how it had happened but later the clinics tried to explain to him that she was hypersensitive to touch and thought. So she was emphatic. She hadn't told him, maybe she hadn't even known it herself. And so it all had been his fault. He had touched her and thought of her, which was a natural thing, Archer had tried to comfort him then. He just couldn't stop. How was he supposed to know anyway? He loved her, he still did. But since she was under medical care and attention, he had not often gotten the chance to see her. But after he had signed up to serve aboard the NX-01, which had been about 16 months ago, he had thought about ending it all. Since she was so sick, it would have probably been best for both of them, yet he felt it wouldn't have been. He missed her, ever since, but he had always failed to realize. Maybe it was just the way he was. Trying to escape when things got bad or wouldn't go his way.
Now when he lowered his hands to look at her again, her eyelids fluttered. She seemed to be trapped inside another world. Probably the medication, Trip thought. It was a hard thing to manage, to be close to somebody but not being able to touch or think about that somebody.
"Hun? Can you hear me?" he asked at last.
She turned her head into the direction the sounds came from, and her eyes locked on his again.
"Yes..." her voice was hoarse and throaty. Her dry lips barely moved when she whispered those words.
"I am so sorry." It almost broke his heart. Trip did not know how to continue.
Lynn tried to smile, but it looked more like she was in pain. "I know..."
Suddenly there was a complete emptiness inside his head and all the words he had longed to say were gone.