Draco appears on stage and says with a commanding air, "I am going to turn
into my illegal animagus form- a FERRET!"
A second later, out of a puff of smoke, Malfoy the Ferret appears on stage,
tap- dancing. Unfortunately, Crabbe and Goyle 'accidentally' kill him by
stepping on him.
A round of applause issues forth.
"Wow! That was amazing! What is the name of your act?" Wood asks.
"Um..yum..crap.on..foot" blurts out Crabbe. Goyle seems to be oblivious to
this as he extracts Malfoy from his foot and puts him in a cauldron.
"Yummy."
"Righteyo" says Wood. "Up next is the amazing, eagerly awaited act....lets have it boys..PANSY PARKINSON in LORD OF THE POLE!!"
Pansy appears on stage holding a large pole on a stand whilst wearing a large fur coat.
"Take off that fur coat!" Harry exclaims eagerly. "Yeah, show us the stuff, Pansy!" yells Ron. "No! I want the coat!" Harry explains. "You're a wank, Harry!" yelled Ron, Neville and Seamus who had been listening in. they all turned back to the stage, transfixed by the show about to begin.
Pansy did take off her coat..to reveal... "Eeeewww, Pansy put the coat back on!" cried Ginny. All guys were transfixed. "That's called entertainment!" She positioned herself next to the pole while the music was put on full blast and opened her mouth to sing; "Why won't you fly home Spaceley? Why won't you fly home..."
Meanwhile, her lame attempts at pole dancing while singing left her winded, sweaty, and her blubber jiggled at every turn. Never the less, all the guys were slackjawed- this was the first time a Hogwarts girl had poledanced.
Snape strode up to the stage, eyes bright in squashed face. "Would you....would you marry me?" he asked Pansy. "Pretty please?" he added in a sickly sweet voice, fluttering his eyelashes. "Um." Pansy replied, seriously considering it. "SHE'S MINE!" and Snape was knocked out by a huge hairy thing, Hagrid. Hagrid proposed and after him it was Dumbledore's turn, who knelt jerkily and then fell over onto his side, dead.
"ENOUGH OF THIS! I AM THE PRETTY ONE!" and all eyes were once again fixed on Oliver.
At this point, 10-50 girls (and guys) swamped the stage, all professing undying love for Oliver Wood. He retained his god-like position, thus all was well and good in the small mind of Oliver Wood. "And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please return to your seats *peeling off girls and guys* and let's get on with the show! Up next is FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!!"
Fred and George skipped to the stage and stood there. Loud applause and laughter followed. They both grinned and hopped back to their seats. A bright-eyed Ron clapped them. "Well done, guys! That was excellent! Really hilarious! I nearly died laughing!" "Well, glad you didn't! It would be a terrible shame if you died, wouldn't it George?" Fred asked him. "Oh yeah, TERRIBLE." "Hahahahhahahhaha, you guys are sooooo funny! GOOD CALL! You should do stand-up comedy!"
Meanwhile...
"Last, but by no means least....CHO CHANG AND THE QUIDDITCH GIRLS PERFORM THE CAN-CAN!!"
"Righteyo" says Wood. "Up next is the amazing, eagerly awaited act....lets have it boys..PANSY PARKINSON in LORD OF THE POLE!!"
Pansy appears on stage holding a large pole on a stand whilst wearing a large fur coat.
"Take off that fur coat!" Harry exclaims eagerly. "Yeah, show us the stuff, Pansy!" yells Ron. "No! I want the coat!" Harry explains. "You're a wank, Harry!" yelled Ron, Neville and Seamus who had been listening in. they all turned back to the stage, transfixed by the show about to begin.
Pansy did take off her coat..to reveal... "Eeeewww, Pansy put the coat back on!" cried Ginny. All guys were transfixed. "That's called entertainment!" She positioned herself next to the pole while the music was put on full blast and opened her mouth to sing; "Why won't you fly home Spaceley? Why won't you fly home..."
Meanwhile, her lame attempts at pole dancing while singing left her winded, sweaty, and her blubber jiggled at every turn. Never the less, all the guys were slackjawed- this was the first time a Hogwarts girl had poledanced.
Snape strode up to the stage, eyes bright in squashed face. "Would you....would you marry me?" he asked Pansy. "Pretty please?" he added in a sickly sweet voice, fluttering his eyelashes. "Um." Pansy replied, seriously considering it. "SHE'S MINE!" and Snape was knocked out by a huge hairy thing, Hagrid. Hagrid proposed and after him it was Dumbledore's turn, who knelt jerkily and then fell over onto his side, dead.
"ENOUGH OF THIS! I AM THE PRETTY ONE!" and all eyes were once again fixed on Oliver.
At this point, 10-50 girls (and guys) swamped the stage, all professing undying love for Oliver Wood. He retained his god-like position, thus all was well and good in the small mind of Oliver Wood. "And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please return to your seats *peeling off girls and guys* and let's get on with the show! Up next is FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!!"
Fred and George skipped to the stage and stood there. Loud applause and laughter followed. They both grinned and hopped back to their seats. A bright-eyed Ron clapped them. "Well done, guys! That was excellent! Really hilarious! I nearly died laughing!" "Well, glad you didn't! It would be a terrible shame if you died, wouldn't it George?" Fred asked him. "Oh yeah, TERRIBLE." "Hahahahhahahhaha, you guys are sooooo funny! GOOD CALL! You should do stand-up comedy!"
Meanwhile...
"Last, but by no means least....CHO CHANG AND THE QUIDDITCH GIRLS PERFORM THE CAN-CAN!!"