Disclaimer in chapter one.
A/N: This should really be two chapters, a bashing one and a Xanya one, but I'm lazy and making it one. Some of this is like what happened in touched, so warning for semi spoilers of that episode, though they arren't exactly the way it happened.
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart
I Will Not Forget You:
Spike walked back to Buffy's two story house in quaint little suburbia on the Hellmouth. Well not quite quaint anymore, mostly vacant houses, abandoned pets running loose, a few stragglers running for the town limits. This was his kind of town now. Even with a soul, there was still a demon living in him and he liked the smell of fear.
He opened up the kitchen door and walked in.
"Willow why isn't your uninvited spell working?!" asked a wide eyed Dawn. She was sitting at the island with Giles, Willow, Kenedy, Rona, Xander and Anya.
"Hell's taken over bit, no invitations necessary anymore. Scared?" he arched an eyebrow at her.
"Well then, if you can't keep 'em out, I say kill 'em," Faith said pulling a stake out of her pocket and advancing.
"I came for Buffy's things, and the blood in the fridge." Spike said to Giles, nonchalantly dodging the slayer that was attempting to dust him.
"I thought you might, I had one of the girls pack her a bag, you can get the blood out of the fridge, take the bag, and get the hell away from here."
Spike grabbed the stuff and started back for the door then turned around again. "Y'know, it's a shame to drink this packaged stuff when the sweetest blood you'll find is all fresh and full in this house," he gazed at Faith and then the two SITs that were in the room.
"Hey Spike, you have a slayer wrapped around your finger somewhere around Sunnydale, why don't you go sample her blood and leave these girls alone." Xander regretted the words the minute they came out of his mouth, he would never want his friend to get hurt.
"Wow, you know, when I heard that you'd kicked the owner of this house out, you know the one that's saved your asses hundreds of times, the one that died for you, the one that denied herself happiness because she was worried about what you would think; when I heard you kicked her out, I thought you were the most pitiful creatures on earth. But now I see that you were not then, you hadn't progressed that far. Now that you said THAT, now you're the most hateful creatures on earth."
Xander wanted to retort with some insulting comeback, but all he could do was hang his head in shame.
"Besides that," Spike drawled." I already have tasted her."
Spike exited with Buffy's belongings and their blood in tow.
"You don't think he.?" faith let the question hang. Everyone was in shock.
"No, no, I'm sure it was just some quirky thing they did during sex," Anya answered. "Xander and I used to do things like that, there was this one time,"
"Noooooo!" everyone shouted. They did not want to open another file of the Xander and Anya sexcapades.
*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Later that evening Anya and Xander sat in the kitchen for a rare moment alone.
"You know it really sucks that I'm all human now with a big apocalypse coming, this means I'll probably die. When I was a vengeance demon, I never had to deal with this, if evil won it wouldn't bother me because I was evil too, and if good won then I would still have a job, and if the world ended, I could just pop into another dimension. " she sighed.
"Yeah, sometimes I wish I could be evil too," Xander admitted. "I mean I know that it's better to be good, because, hello good, but it seems like the evil ones have it so much easier off. And girls always seem to go for the bad boy types."
"I don't, I go more for the Xander Harris types."
He smiled at her. "You know, when I lost my eye, all I could think about was 'wow, I'll never get to see Anya in her full beauty ever again. Do I really want to go on and never get to see her bright smile?"
"You really thought that?"
"Well you know, I was delirious from toms of pain killers the hospital amped me up with, but yeah, that thought came through pretty clear."
"Xander, I thought you were going to die! I was so scared. I never got to thank you."
// I remember the nights when i watched as you lay sleeping
your body gripped by some far away dream,
And i was so scared and so in love then,
And so lost in all of you that i had seen.
But no one ever talked in the darkness,
No voice ever added fuel to the fire,
No light ever shone in the doorway,
Deep in the hollow of earthly desire,
And if in some dream there was brightness,
If in some memory some sort of sign,
Then flesh be revived in the shadows,
And blessed our bodies would lay so entwined.//
"For what? Leaving you at the alter? Really no thanks necessary."
//And i will, oh i will not forget you.
nor will i ever let you go
I will, oh i will, not forget you.//
She stopped to reflect.
// I remember how you left in the morning at daybreak.
so silent you stole from my bed.
To go back to the one who posesses your soul
And i back to the life that i dread.
so i ran like the wind to the water
Please don't leave me again i cried,
and i threw bitter tears at the ocean
But all that came back was the tide.//
"No, for showing me, showing me what it means to be human." She paused a moment. "I had so much trouble understanding your ways, and traditions, you can't learn humanity from books you know? But when you left me in the aisle, that was the most painful experience I had ever felt. I finally understood why all those woman had wanted vengeance. I understood what it was to be human, to feel pain but keepon moving on and striving to make yourself feel complete again."
"So then you became a demon again?"
"Well just because I understood doesn't mean I liked it! But I couldn't even escape loving you when I was a demon again, I still couldn't get you off my mind and out of my heart."
"Anya, you're the craziest person I ever met, but I still love you. I will always love you. "
'I love you too Xander. That's what my life is, loving you."
// And i will, oh i will not forget you.
nor will i ever let you go
I will, oh i will, not forget you.//
A/N: This should really be two chapters, a bashing one and a Xanya one, but I'm lazy and making it one. Some of this is like what happened in touched, so warning for semi spoilers of that episode, though they arren't exactly the way it happened.
An Empty Heart and an Un-beating Heart
I Will Not Forget You:
Spike walked back to Buffy's two story house in quaint little suburbia on the Hellmouth. Well not quite quaint anymore, mostly vacant houses, abandoned pets running loose, a few stragglers running for the town limits. This was his kind of town now. Even with a soul, there was still a demon living in him and he liked the smell of fear.
He opened up the kitchen door and walked in.
"Willow why isn't your uninvited spell working?!" asked a wide eyed Dawn. She was sitting at the island with Giles, Willow, Kenedy, Rona, Xander and Anya.
"Hell's taken over bit, no invitations necessary anymore. Scared?" he arched an eyebrow at her.
"Well then, if you can't keep 'em out, I say kill 'em," Faith said pulling a stake out of her pocket and advancing.
"I came for Buffy's things, and the blood in the fridge." Spike said to Giles, nonchalantly dodging the slayer that was attempting to dust him.
"I thought you might, I had one of the girls pack her a bag, you can get the blood out of the fridge, take the bag, and get the hell away from here."
Spike grabbed the stuff and started back for the door then turned around again. "Y'know, it's a shame to drink this packaged stuff when the sweetest blood you'll find is all fresh and full in this house," he gazed at Faith and then the two SITs that were in the room.
"Hey Spike, you have a slayer wrapped around your finger somewhere around Sunnydale, why don't you go sample her blood and leave these girls alone." Xander regretted the words the minute they came out of his mouth, he would never want his friend to get hurt.
"Wow, you know, when I heard that you'd kicked the owner of this house out, you know the one that's saved your asses hundreds of times, the one that died for you, the one that denied herself happiness because she was worried about what you would think; when I heard you kicked her out, I thought you were the most pitiful creatures on earth. But now I see that you were not then, you hadn't progressed that far. Now that you said THAT, now you're the most hateful creatures on earth."
Xander wanted to retort with some insulting comeback, but all he could do was hang his head in shame.
"Besides that," Spike drawled." I already have tasted her."
Spike exited with Buffy's belongings and their blood in tow.
"You don't think he.?" faith let the question hang. Everyone was in shock.
"No, no, I'm sure it was just some quirky thing they did during sex," Anya answered. "Xander and I used to do things like that, there was this one time,"
"Noooooo!" everyone shouted. They did not want to open another file of the Xander and Anya sexcapades.
*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Later that evening Anya and Xander sat in the kitchen for a rare moment alone.
"You know it really sucks that I'm all human now with a big apocalypse coming, this means I'll probably die. When I was a vengeance demon, I never had to deal with this, if evil won it wouldn't bother me because I was evil too, and if good won then I would still have a job, and if the world ended, I could just pop into another dimension. " she sighed.
"Yeah, sometimes I wish I could be evil too," Xander admitted. "I mean I know that it's better to be good, because, hello good, but it seems like the evil ones have it so much easier off. And girls always seem to go for the bad boy types."
"I don't, I go more for the Xander Harris types."
He smiled at her. "You know, when I lost my eye, all I could think about was 'wow, I'll never get to see Anya in her full beauty ever again. Do I really want to go on and never get to see her bright smile?"
"You really thought that?"
"Well you know, I was delirious from toms of pain killers the hospital amped me up with, but yeah, that thought came through pretty clear."
"Xander, I thought you were going to die! I was so scared. I never got to thank you."
// I remember the nights when i watched as you lay sleeping
your body gripped by some far away dream,
And i was so scared and so in love then,
And so lost in all of you that i had seen.
But no one ever talked in the darkness,
No voice ever added fuel to the fire,
No light ever shone in the doorway,
Deep in the hollow of earthly desire,
And if in some dream there was brightness,
If in some memory some sort of sign,
Then flesh be revived in the shadows,
And blessed our bodies would lay so entwined.//
"For what? Leaving you at the alter? Really no thanks necessary."
//And i will, oh i will not forget you.
nor will i ever let you go
I will, oh i will, not forget you.//
She stopped to reflect.
// I remember how you left in the morning at daybreak.
so silent you stole from my bed.
To go back to the one who posesses your soul
And i back to the life that i dread.
so i ran like the wind to the water
Please don't leave me again i cried,
and i threw bitter tears at the ocean
But all that came back was the tide.//
"No, for showing me, showing me what it means to be human." She paused a moment. "I had so much trouble understanding your ways, and traditions, you can't learn humanity from books you know? But when you left me in the aisle, that was the most painful experience I had ever felt. I finally understood why all those woman had wanted vengeance. I understood what it was to be human, to feel pain but keepon moving on and striving to make yourself feel complete again."
"So then you became a demon again?"
"Well just because I understood doesn't mean I liked it! But I couldn't even escape loving you when I was a demon again, I still couldn't get you off my mind and out of my heart."
"Anya, you're the craziest person I ever met, but I still love you. I will always love you. "
'I love you too Xander. That's what my life is, loving you."
// And i will, oh i will not forget you.
nor will i ever let you go
I will, oh i will, not forget you.//