Chapter Six - I'm Happy Wondering
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering
Wondering by Good Charlotte
*
When Draco awoke the morning after his dream he knew exactly what he was going to do today. That night was the Halloween Ball and would have been a perfect time to apologise to Gwen but something told him he had already waited too long so he decided it would have to be at lunch. He lied in bed thinking what he would say to her and how he would get her alone. Then the perfect idea struck him and he jumped out of bed, eager to get dressed and get the morning out of the way. He decided to skip breakfast so he could organise a few things before class.
Gwen looked scanned the Great Hall for any sign of her estranged best friend. "Why do you care where he is anyway, Gwen? You're over him, remember?" The strong, determined part of Gwen was always reminding her of this. "Of course I remember," the less determined half replied somewhat indignantly. Gwen realised that while she was having a mental disagreement with herself her friends had been talking to her. She nodded and smiled but seeing the aghast looks on their faces knew she should not have agreed.
"Gwen, are you alright? You just agreed that Snape would look good in women's underwear," Harry said as Ron shuddered and nearly gagged on his marmalade toast.
"Sorry, I wasn't listening…women's underwear? That's a little…disturbing. I really don't want to know about your sordid fantasies, especially when they involve Uncle Severus," Gwen said, grinning.
"I was trying to get your attention." Harry was blushing and all the Gryffindors were teasing him.
"You're so cute when you get all embarrassed," Gwen said ruffling his hair. She got up from the table, planted a kiss on the top of Harry's head and said, "I'll see you in class. I've got to get something."
Hermione watched Harry's gaze follow Gwen out of the Great Hall and let out a silent sigh.
When Gwen reached the bottom of the stairs she realised she had no idea where she was going; she didn't really need to get something. In fact the only reason she had left the hall was because she had not seen Draco and wanted to find him, yet she had no idea why she needed to see him. Gwen decided she would make her way to class and get there early. As she was walking she thought back over the past few months of her life. She cringed when she thought again of how she was using Harry, making him believe she had more than 'friend' feelings towards him. Especially when she thought of the way Hermione looked at Harry when he wasn't looking. She had no idea when she had become the sort of person that used people to get back at others. She sighed as she let herself into the empty classroom.
In the shadows, Draco had been watching Gwen as she walked to class and continued to watch her through the window in the classroom. He watched her as she got the books she needed from her bag and placed them on her desk, making sure they were all in line. He watched as she put on the glasses she wore specifically for reading. He watched as she became engrossed by what she was reading, biting the side of her lip as she always did when in deep concentration. He watched as all the students filed into the classroom…and he watched as she smiled at a boy who was not him.
The lessons after lunch were cancelled so the students could get ready for the Masquerade Ball but all students had to attend lunch in the Great Hall for any notices that needed to be given to them.
Draco's day was a blur right up until lunch. His stomach felt like it was being twisted into knots, his heart was hammering against his chest, his arms and legs were tingling and his hands were clammy. Draco Malfoy was nervous.
Everyone was eager to get lunch over and done with so they could get ready for the Masquerade Ball and Gwen was no exception. She sat there, talking animatedly with her friends, all the while an odd feeling tugging at her stomach like something important was about to happen. She noticed that the students had become a little quieter but thought nothing of it. That is until she heard a familiar voice above the now quietened buzz of the Great Hall. It was the voice that had filled the silences of every summer she had ever known. The voice that had helped her through problems, had teased her when they were little…the voice that had hurt her. And now it was singing one of her favourite Muggle songs. She didn't want to turn around but she knew she had to. She turned around so she was facing the complete opposite direction and saw Draco, standing on the Slytherin table, belting out her favourite tune.
"Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back"
The dumbfounded silence that had filled the Hall was now replaced with excited chatter as Draco began making his way across the Great Hall, walking over each houses table, singing all the while.
"If you'd accept surrender, give up some more
Weren't you adored?
I can't be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back"
Gwen could not believe her eyes or her ears. She knew Draco better than he did himself and still she would never in a million years have thought him capable of something so…romantic. "Why can't he let me stay angry at him?" Gwen was frustrated with Draco and with herself. The demure voice in her head was saying "Forgive him Gwen, he's gone to so much trouble, and he'll get in a lot more trouble when the teachers get to him." Gwen knew that was true but the strong, stubborn voice kept yelling over the little voice, saying, "Don't let him get off so easily. Let him stew awhile."
"If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you"
Draco had nearly made it to the Gryffindor table, his eyes never leaving Gwen. He could barely hear himself, or anyone else, above the thumping of his heart. He knew he was making a complete fool of himself but if it meant he would have Gwen as his own then he didn't care if he was crowned Hogwart's Biggest Idiot.
"Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back"
Harry followed Draco's gaze right to Gwen. He felt the anger rising but fought to keep it down, knowing Draco wasn't worth getting in trouble for. "But isn't Gwen?" The little voice inside of him reasoned. He looked over at his girlfriend, her eyes glistening. He could tell she was fighting back tears. He looked around at everyone else and they seemed just as confused as he was. He had no idea was Draco Malfoy was singing a love song at his girlfriend, but after he was finished he intended on finding out.
"I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back"
Hermione was not quite as shocked as everyone else. She had always thought there was more to Gwen and Draco's relationship than her new friend had let on. She was shocked though by Draco's ability to sing and inwardly wished someone would do that for her. Her eyes drifted over to that someone and her stomach flip-flopped. His tousled, raven black hair standing out sharply against his pale skin. His green eyes, like two emeralds, peering out through round glasses. He looked positively livid at the scene before him, but Hermione also noted the confusion on his face, making him look like a lost puppy. His gaze flicked over to her and she quickly looked away, feeling her cheeks burning. She hoped he would still be looking at her, realising it didn't matter Draco was singing to his girlfriend because the one he really cared for was sitting across from him. But when Hermione looked up he was looking back at Gwen.
"If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you"
Draco finished the song just as he reached the Gryffindor table, standing right before Gwen. He knelt down in front of her and took his hands in his own.
"I'm sorry. Can we please go back to how we were?" he pleaded, his voice lowered to a whisper.
Gwen considered him for a moment. He looked so helpless that she almost broke down and through her arms around him, but the stubbornness wouldn't subside and she stood up throwing his hands back at him. Draco stood up so he could be eye to eye with Gwen.
"I don't see how. You got what you wanted! You had your fun. You found out what making an idiot out of yourself in front of everyone was like and that's it, right?" Gwendolyn pushed Draco away and stormed out of the hall.
Everyone that had been watching quickly turned their gazes back to their lunches, feeling it would be appropriate. Draco stood for a moment, lost for words before running out of the hall. He didn't follow Gwen, instead he went down to the Slytherin dungeon.
Harry got up to follow Gwen but Hermione stopped him. "I think it would be better for me to go. I think Gwen needs another girl to talk to right now."
Harry silently nodded his agreement and Hermione withdrew from the hall before anyone could stop her.
Harry sat wondering. He had known that Gwen and Draco were friends and had gathered from what little he knew about the situation that they had had a disagreement. But surely Draco wouldn't go to the embarrassing length of singing a Muggle song in front of the entire song just because he had had a fight with a friend. Harry decided that there must be more than just friendship to Draco and Gwen's relationship. This thought dampened his mood even further and he sat in his seat silently and grumpily for the rest of lunch.
Gwen was sobbing into her pillow and wondering. Wondering why she hadn't just accepted Draco's apology. Wondering if Draco loved her enough to still want to be with her. Wondering if she and Draco really were meant for each other. Wondering what Hermione would think of her, what Ron would think of her…what Harry would think of her.
Down in the Slytherin common room Draco was also wondering. He was wondering why he had thought singing Gwen's favourite song would make things better. Wondering why he had ever thought Gwen could forgive him. Wondering why he had thought she still loved him. Wondering why he was such an idiot.
Hermione climbed up the same stairs Gwen had climbed minutes before her, wondering. Wondering just what the extent of Draco and Gwen's relationship was. Wondering if her new best friend was doing ok. Wondering why she didn't have someone that would sing her favourite song in front of the whole school at the risk of embarrassing himself and ruining his reputation all for her. Wondering why she felt so lonely when she had so many friends.
Disclaimer: I do not own most of this. If I did I would not be sitting around writing fanfic, believe you me. Anyhoo the song Draco sings to Gwen is the beautiful title track for this fic 'Walking After You' by Foo Fighters. Download it and love it *kisses*