Statutory Rape Is Bad
(also titled: A Warning to Everyone's Favorite Underage Kickass Chinese Schoolgirl, Xiaoyu)
Chapter 2
Julia was upset. Her powder-laced wine now was soaking into the cookies that she had so kindly thrown out for King, and her plan had succeeded no more than Anna's attempts to keep a male for longer than half an hour. Who could she turn to now? Who else in the neighborhood had such necessary traits like respect, tact and a pacifistic towards other people?
She found herself at Nina's doorstep. Nina had none of these traits, but she could kill people quickly and silently and Julia was desperate. She knocked on the door, whereupon several robotized guns shot her and killed her.
Xiaoyu sat at the beach. She traced letters into the sand, spelling out the kanji for 'Jin'. Whilst doing this, she wondered why she knew and spoke Japanese in Tekken 4 even though she was from China, but she shrugged her shoulders, blaming it on notorious Tekken continuity. Suddenly, Jin rose out of the water, carrying the corpse of Heihachi.
"Dear Xiaoyu, I have killed my grandfather entirely to be together with you, my eternal and deepest love! Please love me and let me pop your cherry!" Xiaoyu finally rolled her eyes, stood up and said irritably "Fine, Jin. Come here and embrace me before I change my mind." Jin ran towards her, everything in slow motion like all angsty Xiaoyin is, and took her into his arms. Then, a police officer approached and arrested Jin for statutory rape. Xiaoyu giggled as the cops dragged the bad man away.
Julia woke up and decided to go to Nina's house in order to find out how to ditch King. She had an exciting dream about getting shot at her house very quickly, but she wasn't particularly worried. Julia slipped out of her bedroom window using her long, Rapunzelesque hair and ran to Nina's house before King could realize she'd been gone. Upon reaching Nina's doorstop - she still didn't know why she was consulting such a cruel and angry woman - but there were very few females around for her to consult and all of them were somehow busy, dead or otherwise incapacitated:
Xiaoyu: Too busy fending off Jin
Michelle: Old, and no one really needs romantic advice from old people
Anna: Her first plan already failed and she smelled funny anyway
Kunimitsu: Unable to stay in one place for longer than 10 seconds
Christie: An evil whore who Julia refused to have anything to do with
Jun: Missing her head, literally
Julia was forced to see Nina, as a result, because despite her lack of human emotion she was still an effective killer, and if worse came to worst then she could dispose of King in a slightly less pacifistic way. Upon knocking Nina's door, she heard what seemed like a thousand shrill klaxons blaring throughout her tight little apartment. Before she knew what hit her, Nina came hurtling out of the overhang and ninja-tackled Julia.
"STATE YOUR BUSINESS HERE, INTRUDER."
"Nina, it's just me, Julia!"
Logic so deep and profound overrode Nina's brain circuitry, whereupon she replied with a natural reaction she had learned to develop:
"KILL JIN KAZAMA!"
"Nina, no! I need you to help me get King off of my case!"
"REMOVE MONARCH FROM CONTAINER?" Julia sighed. "Come on, Nina, let's sit down inside your apartment." The two proceeded into the technologically advanced little dwelling, and Julia sat down in what looked to be an ergonomically agreeable chair, only to discover it was a torturous handcuff seating arrangement. Instantly steel bands clamped around her wrists and shins, and she cried out.
"Ack! Nina, help!"
"WOULD JULIA LIKE SOME TEA, OR PERHAPS THE JUICES OF KAZAMA VITAL ORGANS?"
"Just tea will be fi - hey, wait! Just let me out of this chair!"
"TEA IT IS." Nina immediately set forth to brew Julia some of her potent Earl Grey, much to the young Native-American woman's dismay. Julia struggled with her confines a little bit more before finally falling slack. Even if she was trapped in the chair for the rest of her life, she did enjoy Earl Grey. Nina, having prepared the warm tea for her guest, shuffled over to the chair, where she took a cup off of the tray she was holding.
"HERE IS YOUR TEA, JULIA. PLEASE DRINK YOUR TEA." Unfortunately, since Julia was unable to move her hands or arms, she could not take the tea from Nina's outstretched cyborg-hand.
"Nina, I can't reach it -"
"JUST SIT DOWN AND DRINK YOUR GODDAMNED TEA!" Nina was now angry.
"I'm sitting down already, even though I don't really want to, and I would drink my tea if I could but I can't, and you stole that line from Cid anyway!" Confronted with such logical points, Nina's circuits began to fray a little bit. Her head cracked to the side and sparks began pouring rapidly out of her left ear. Memory banks confused, syntax scrambled, Nina opted to do the one thing she could always rely on;
"KILL JIN KAZAMA!"
Nina stuck up her arm and flew through the roof, debris from the hole falling on Julia's head. Unfortunately for her, she was still stuck in Nina's constricting, yet oddly comfortable, chair.
"Um...could someone let me out of this chair?"
Now, at this point, the Xiaoyin fans in the audience (all 4869586724069530378357.6 of them) might be wondering "What has happened to our wacky, horribly personality-mismatched couple?", but wonder no more, loyal fandom sheep! For here, we see Jin at the flower shop, preparing a pretty bouquet for his as-of-yet unrequited love. A disgruntled Jack-2 was servicing him. NO NOT IN THAT WAY PERVERTS, LOL!!1 Hey, that's a good idea for a pairing...*scurries off, writes Jack-2/Jin lemons, returns to featured fanfiction* No, I'm not demented, I swear! But I digress. Jin faced a moral dilemma to shake the ages, a question wracking his brain that burned even the souls of the strongest men; should he buy Xiaoyu pink roses or red ones? Unfortunately, due to the complex philosophical nature of this question, Jin overdwelled on it, and as a result failed to purchase his flowers before the shop closed. Aww, poor unloved Jinny.
Suddenly, Nina Williams rounded the corner and shot Jin Kazama 384 times. Jin, though bleeding and dying painfully, was at least slightly comforted by the fact that he hadn't been forgotten.
(also titled: A Warning to Everyone's Favorite Underage Kickass Chinese Schoolgirl, Xiaoyu)
Chapter 2
Julia was upset. Her powder-laced wine now was soaking into the cookies that she had so kindly thrown out for King, and her plan had succeeded no more than Anna's attempts to keep a male for longer than half an hour. Who could she turn to now? Who else in the neighborhood had such necessary traits like respect, tact and a pacifistic towards other people?
She found herself at Nina's doorstep. Nina had none of these traits, but she could kill people quickly and silently and Julia was desperate. She knocked on the door, whereupon several robotized guns shot her and killed her.
Xiaoyu sat at the beach. She traced letters into the sand, spelling out the kanji for 'Jin'. Whilst doing this, she wondered why she knew and spoke Japanese in Tekken 4 even though she was from China, but she shrugged her shoulders, blaming it on notorious Tekken continuity. Suddenly, Jin rose out of the water, carrying the corpse of Heihachi.
"Dear Xiaoyu, I have killed my grandfather entirely to be together with you, my eternal and deepest love! Please love me and let me pop your cherry!" Xiaoyu finally rolled her eyes, stood up and said irritably "Fine, Jin. Come here and embrace me before I change my mind." Jin ran towards her, everything in slow motion like all angsty Xiaoyin is, and took her into his arms. Then, a police officer approached and arrested Jin for statutory rape. Xiaoyu giggled as the cops dragged the bad man away.
Julia woke up and decided to go to Nina's house in order to find out how to ditch King. She had an exciting dream about getting shot at her house very quickly, but she wasn't particularly worried. Julia slipped out of her bedroom window using her long, Rapunzelesque hair and ran to Nina's house before King could realize she'd been gone. Upon reaching Nina's doorstop - she still didn't know why she was consulting such a cruel and angry woman - but there were very few females around for her to consult and all of them were somehow busy, dead or otherwise incapacitated:
Xiaoyu: Too busy fending off Jin
Michelle: Old, and no one really needs romantic advice from old people
Anna: Her first plan already failed and she smelled funny anyway
Kunimitsu: Unable to stay in one place for longer than 10 seconds
Christie: An evil whore who Julia refused to have anything to do with
Jun: Missing her head, literally
Julia was forced to see Nina, as a result, because despite her lack of human emotion she was still an effective killer, and if worse came to worst then she could dispose of King in a slightly less pacifistic way. Upon knocking Nina's door, she heard what seemed like a thousand shrill klaxons blaring throughout her tight little apartment. Before she knew what hit her, Nina came hurtling out of the overhang and ninja-tackled Julia.
"STATE YOUR BUSINESS HERE, INTRUDER."
"Nina, it's just me, Julia!"
Logic so deep and profound overrode Nina's brain circuitry, whereupon she replied with a natural reaction she had learned to develop:
"KILL JIN KAZAMA!"
"Nina, no! I need you to help me get King off of my case!"
"REMOVE MONARCH FROM CONTAINER?" Julia sighed. "Come on, Nina, let's sit down inside your apartment." The two proceeded into the technologically advanced little dwelling, and Julia sat down in what looked to be an ergonomically agreeable chair, only to discover it was a torturous handcuff seating arrangement. Instantly steel bands clamped around her wrists and shins, and she cried out.
"Ack! Nina, help!"
"WOULD JULIA LIKE SOME TEA, OR PERHAPS THE JUICES OF KAZAMA VITAL ORGANS?"
"Just tea will be fi - hey, wait! Just let me out of this chair!"
"TEA IT IS." Nina immediately set forth to brew Julia some of her potent Earl Grey, much to the young Native-American woman's dismay. Julia struggled with her confines a little bit more before finally falling slack. Even if she was trapped in the chair for the rest of her life, she did enjoy Earl Grey. Nina, having prepared the warm tea for her guest, shuffled over to the chair, where she took a cup off of the tray she was holding.
"HERE IS YOUR TEA, JULIA. PLEASE DRINK YOUR TEA." Unfortunately, since Julia was unable to move her hands or arms, she could not take the tea from Nina's outstretched cyborg-hand.
"Nina, I can't reach it -"
"JUST SIT DOWN AND DRINK YOUR GODDAMNED TEA!" Nina was now angry.
"I'm sitting down already, even though I don't really want to, and I would drink my tea if I could but I can't, and you stole that line from Cid anyway!" Confronted with such logical points, Nina's circuits began to fray a little bit. Her head cracked to the side and sparks began pouring rapidly out of her left ear. Memory banks confused, syntax scrambled, Nina opted to do the one thing she could always rely on;
"KILL JIN KAZAMA!"
Nina stuck up her arm and flew through the roof, debris from the hole falling on Julia's head. Unfortunately for her, she was still stuck in Nina's constricting, yet oddly comfortable, chair.
"Um...could someone let me out of this chair?"
Now, at this point, the Xiaoyin fans in the audience (all 4869586724069530378357.6 of them) might be wondering "What has happened to our wacky, horribly personality-mismatched couple?", but wonder no more, loyal fandom sheep! For here, we see Jin at the flower shop, preparing a pretty bouquet for his as-of-yet unrequited love. A disgruntled Jack-2 was servicing him. NO NOT IN THAT WAY PERVERTS, LOL!!1 Hey, that's a good idea for a pairing...*scurries off, writes Jack-2/Jin lemons, returns to featured fanfiction* No, I'm not demented, I swear! But I digress. Jin faced a moral dilemma to shake the ages, a question wracking his brain that burned even the souls of the strongest men; should he buy Xiaoyu pink roses or red ones? Unfortunately, due to the complex philosophical nature of this question, Jin overdwelled on it, and as a result failed to purchase his flowers before the shop closed. Aww, poor unloved Jinny.
Suddenly, Nina Williams rounded the corner and shot Jin Kazama 384 times. Jin, though bleeding and dying painfully, was at least slightly comforted by the fact that he hadn't been forgotten.