Author's Notes:
Kokkan: BOOYA! We have hit Chapter 12! Chapter 12 is more weird than funny, I tell you!
Freakees: .Scary! So, I'm the host of today's chapter. Out, Kokkan, OUT!
Kokkan: Hmph. *Scuttles out*
Freakees: Now! Welcome to Chapter 12. Read, review, and get on with your life. None of us own Zelda. Warnings? The usual. Ciao! *Walks off*
Kokkan: *Pops back in* Recently, we haven't done the RRR. Apologies. We will do so now. If we missed your review...apologies. Ahem. FREAKEES! ON WITH IT! O.o
Freakees: *Pops back in* Alrighty. TailZ Theo - Pleased you likies. Ah, wondering about Floppy Disk? John (co-author) and myself figured it would be funny if I suddenly... "had a baby". While at their house, I saw a floppy disk and shrieked that so help me I was going to name it Floppy Disk. ^^ Chapter 11 wasn't as comical for the reason that, slowly, inspiration is leaking. However, with the returning help of John, expect the humor to rise. Kayrie - We need to get Navi back in here! Next chapter will (if I remember) have more [annoying] Navi. Zeldachik: ...*Blinks*...No more Pepsi blues for you! ^^; Glad you like. Kat - AH! PLOT HOLE! Er...the Fire Medallion...will turn up...^^;;; And that is aaaall of the reviews. Now to the chappie!
Legend of Zelda: Game Reality Chapter 12
All (excluding John): *Pop into Kakariko Village*
Charity: Oooh, what rush.
*All walk forward*
Danielle: *Pauses* Hey, waitta minute, isn't this the part where the thingie comes out of the well and beats us up?
Samuel: Oh, this is SUCH a lovely game. *Sulks*
Kristin: Calm down! As long as John isn't here we'll be FINE! The game will mistake us for viiiiillagers! *Laughs insanely and falls over*
Cherri: .Okaaaay. Er.*Looks up* Incoming!
Kristin: *Stands up* Eh? What're you talking abou-AAAAH! *John lands on her*
John: Just wanted to drop by, heh heh.
Kristin: *Crawls out from under John* YOU MEAN.MEAN.Mean.mean.um.BEAN! Yeah! YOU MEAN BEAN!
John: I'm offended. *Rolls eyes*
Kristin: *Waves PDS* YOU SHOULD BE!
Cherri: Kristin, that was sarcasm.
Kristin: .You people are all goosebuckets! *Sulks*
*Beat*
John: .Right. Kristin, go forward and get attacked.
Kristin: But won't it mistake me for a villager?
John: Go forward and get attacked.
Kristin: .Err.no.
Samuel: Don't make me use the puppy eyes!
Kristin: Noooo! Not the puppy eyes! *Runs frantically to the well*
Well: *Blows up, out comes the terror of terrors.*
Kristin: A SWARM OF TERMITES?!
Floppy Disk: MOMMA?!
Termite Leader: Veeee seeee voooooood! ATTAAAAACK, JAAAAAA!
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Promptly get swarmed by hungry termites*
Danielle: What a beeeyoootiful showing. Anybody else want popcorn?
Charity: I'll have some. *Grabs handful of popcorn* This is delicious. Very buttery.
*In background, a half-eaten Kristin (with one leg remaining) and Floppy Disk hop around screaming, chased by termites*
Danielle: Thank you, I use only the premium butter. It gives it delectable taste.
*In background the termites catch up to Kristin and Floppy Disk and begin gnawing on Kristin's leg*
Cherri: *Nods sagely* The more you pay, usually the better the quality is, right?
*Kristin's pained screams fill the air*
Danielle: But of course.
Samuel & John: *Blink, look at each other, shrug*
John: Must be a girl thing.
Samuel: .Yeah.
Cherri: *Finishes out last of popcorn* Delectable. Hey, where's Kristin?
*A pile of sawdust swirls in the breeze*
Charity: Ah.whoops?
Kristin: *Pops in with Floppy Disk* YOU EARTH WORMS! How daaaaaaare you leave me ALONE WITH THOSE EEEEEEVIL.popcorn? Buttered?
Danielle: Uh.yeah. One kernel left. *Holds out kernel*
Kristin: DIIIIIIIIIISGUSTING! *Falls over*
Floppy Disk: Momma?
Samuel: What in the world...?
Kristin: *Jumps up* Anyway, trap's been pulled. Heh. Heh. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Cherri: *Smacks Kristin* Snap out of it.
Kristin: AHAHAHAhwackamoleysmoleyweebeejeebieMOOLAH! *Snaps out of it* AH HAD NO AHDEA! *Blinks* Where am I?
Cherri: *Growls, slaps Kristin's head again*
Kristin: PIGGIE MAH LOOOOOOOVE! *Snaps out of it again* Oh, hi Cherri. What just happened...? I remember something about DIIIISGUSTING BUTTERED POPCORN!
Charity: ...You're aggravating.
Kristin: WHERE IS MY MOUTH?! *Cherri slaps her* BUUUUUURRRRRIIIITTTTTTOOOOOOO!!! *Slap* I LOVE THE LITTLE TACOS! I LOVE THEM GOOOOOOOOOD! *Slap* I'LL HAVE A CLASSIC POOP! *Slap* BUT IF I DON'T HAVE A TACO I'LL EXPLODE! I GET LIKE THAT SOMETIMES! *Slap* SUCH TACOS WILL I GIIIIIIIIIVE! *Slap* THE PLUG THING! IT'S NOT PLUGGED! *Slap* POINTY HAAAIIIRRRR!!! *Slap* LET'S GO TO MY ROOM, PIG! *Slap* HOW HE WILL PAAAAAAAY!!! *Slap* OH THAT'S JUST STUPID! *Slap* AH MISS YOU CUPCAKE! *Slap* WWWHYYY, PIGGIE?! AH LOVEDED YOU!!! *Slap* BUT IF YOU DO THAT THEN HE WON'T BE YOUR ENEMY SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO SEND IN A ROBOT TO KILL HIM SO HE WILL BE YOUR ENEMY SO YOU WILL-*Head explodes*
John: What, if I dare to ask, was that?!
Cherri: Oh, she gets these phases sometimes where she spouts of quotes from random TV shows or movies. This time it was Invader Zim.
John: I'm not even gonna pretend to ask. *Throws fairy on Kristin*
Kristin: *Head pops back, comes alive* Whoa, did I have a phase again, Cherri?
Cherri: Yep. Invader Zim.
Kristin: ALRIGHT! We're all DOOOOOOOMED!
John: ...Off to the Shadow Temple.
Sweetpea: *Pops in* Hi guys! Freakees sent me. She said this has gone on long enough, and to transport you to the temple of sssshaaaadows...
*All pop out*
*In the Shadow Temple*
Sweetpea: Well, see you! *Flashes peace sign, pops out*
Kristin: *Shivers* I'm scared of this temple...*Latches onto John* SAVE ME!
John: *Smacks at Kristin* Get off!
Kristin: BUT I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAARED! *Sobs uncontrollably*
Charity: PAINT THE NEKKID TROLL!
Kristin: *Passes out*
Samuel: Paint the WHAT?!
Charity: *Dons tweed jacket, and beard wig thingie, whips out pipe (finest weed in the Shire!) then sits on rocking chair* You seeeeee, sonnies, when Kristin and I were WEEEEEEEEE little lads-
Kristin: *Wakes up* Lasses. LASSIE! HERE BOY! *Passes out*
Charity: Er.lasses.but that ruins my grandfather look.er.ANYWAY! There twas a Norweeeeeeeeeegian waiter named Bob.
Kristin: *Wakes up* Twas not Bob, twas.twas.a Norwegian name. Like Hamlet or something. ROMEO! ROMEO! EAT MAH PICKLED BEETS, ROMEO! *Passes out*
Rest: .
Charity: As I was SAYING...the Norweeeeeeeeegian waiter named Bob, or Hamlet, or Romeo...
Kristin: *Wakes up* Jest call him Frank, m'dear. *Passes out*
Charity: HESH UP, SWINE! The Norweeeeeeegian man, named Bobhamletromeofrankmdear offered us weeeeeeeee little lads-
Kristin: *Wakes up* LADS?! I had a gender change! WHOO BABY! *Passes out*
Charity: ...A dessert...called PAINT THE NEKKID TROLL!
Kristin: *Wakes up* It didn't have a belly button. *Sobs* Why did they not put the belly button on? I loveded you, belly button!
Rest: ...
Danielle: Can we PLEASE just get going?!
*At air vent room*
Kristin: Uh uh. No way. I AM NOT GOING IN HERRRRRRRRRE!
John: Why. Not.
Kristin: Because I have been murdered by guillotines, pushed off a cliff edge by a Stalfos, and given the NOOOOOOGIE OF DOOOOOOOOOOMIE!
Rest: ...
Samuel: *Shoves Kristin into room*
Kristin: AH! WAAAAAAAAAIT! *Gets in way of air flow, slams into wall* OOOIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa...*Falls into abyss*
Rest: *Sweatdrop*
Rabid Chipmunk: *Pops in, nibbling on acorn* WAAAAAZZZUUUUUUUUP? Orders from Kokkan to take you to the Boss Roomie of Doomie, because this chapter needs to be done so the readers stop hacking our heads off. *Nod nod*
*All get popped into the room above Bongo Bongo*
John: Kristin, set the trap.
Kristin: Well, I would say no and thus make Samuel do the puppy eyes of doom, but Bongo Bongo has a nice little trampoline-
John: It's a drum.
Kristin: -DRUM, then, oh picky one-
John: Just being correct.
Kristin: -SHUSHNOWOHPIIIIICKYCORRECTONE and I wanted to bounce on the drum.
Samuel: Still, for the sake of tradition...*Puppy eyes*
Kristin: AAAAHAHAHAHAHA! *Leaps down hole*
Floppy Disk: MOOOMAMAMAMAMAMA!
Kristin: *Bounces on drum* OOOOH MEEE DARLING BOOONGO BONGO! Where for art thou BONGO BONGO?! Be a HAPPY HIPPO!
Bongo Bongo: Boing, boing, BOOOOOING! *Slaps Kristin*
Kristin: WAAAAHAHAHOOOOOOOBOOOOOOBAAAA! *Falls into acid, begins to melt* I'm meeeeelting...melting...boohoohoo...
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOma!
Both: *Promptly die*
Bongo Bongo: *Scratches eyeball* I know I haven't flushed the toilet for awhile, but this is ridiculous.
Kristin's Ghost: *Shoots up* YOU MEAN THIS ACID IS YOUR TOILET?!
Bongo Bongo: *Twiddles thumbs* Now, now, a monster's gotta do what a monster's gotta do...
Kristin's Ghost: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! I'M COVERED IN BONGO POOOOOOOP! *Sobs, fades away*
*Rest of group now drop in arena. Much bouncing occurs.*
*John and Samuel draw swords*
John: Prepare to die Bongo-Bongo. You seriously need a more sinister name. I mean Bongo-Bongo?? That makes me think of Spanish dancing.
Bongo-Bongo: I'll work on that after I kill all of you. *starts pounding*
Samuel: Bouncing to hard. Can't hold sword. *drops sword punctures drum*
Bonbo-Bongo: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? YOU'VE DESTROYED MY DRUM!!!! *Starts pounding acid. Burns hands. Shrivels up and dies*
Samuel: *Stares at burning Bongo* I'm a genius.
Danielle: Alright then, time for theeeeeeeee: Fight-Over-the-Heart- Container-Which-Will-End-In-Floppy-Disk-Getting-It.
Cherri: *Looks around* But...Floppy isn't here...*Blink blink*
Charity: Aie! Twill be a space-time paradox! *Falls over*
John: Well, for once, let's let one of us get it. *Runs over to Heart Container, grabs it* I got it! I got it! I am the MASTER! *Insane cackle ensues*
Rest: ...Blink...
Samuel: Hey, wait a minute, you didn't get it...
John: Yes I did! See? *Points up to heart indicator, which now has extra heart*
Samuel: But...it's right there. *Points*
John: ...! It's a glitch! The Heart Containers must be used to Floppy Disk, and refuse to disapear until it grabs one of them! Grab 'em, everyone!
*Excessive grabbing ensues. Heart indicators reach...well...a thousand.*
*Kristin and Floppy Disk pop out of toilet acid, perfectly alive*
Kristin: WE RETURN, VALIANT CITIZENS! MAY YOUR HOT DOGGIES ROAST TO PERFECTION!
Floppy Disk: MOMMA! *Reaches for Heart Container* Moooomma!
Kristin: Aw, how cute! *Pats Floppy Disk, looks at heart displays* WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS CHEESE?! ...I just won't ask.
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!!! *Grasps at Heart Container*
Kristin: Well, time to go...*Walks away from Heart Container*
Floppy Disk: #@#&*^@#^@#^ MOMMA! *Bites Kristin's leg*
*Loud screams reverberates throughout room. Oooh, I'm using big words today.*
John: For crying out loud...*Kicks Heart Container to Floppy Disk*
Floppy Disk: *Grabs Heart Container, eyes shine with joy* Momma!
John: *Starts to disapear* Haa, see you, suckers! *Pops out*
Danielle: ...One of these days we'll kill him before he pops out...*Glare*
Rest: *Pop out, pop in at Spirit Temple*
*In the Chamber of Sages*
John: *Pops in, looks around* Uh...hellooooooo? There is a serious lack of Sage here...
Impa: *Pops in* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP?! Sorry I'm late, I took a wrong turn after leaving the Sheikah Pool and Spa. ^_^
John: *Slowly blinks*
Impa: *Slaps self* Crud, I just left the medallion at the spa! Eh...be right back! ^^; *Zips off*
John: *Taps foot*
*Time passes*
John: *Tosses bombs off side of platform*
*Time passes*
John: *Swims in water*
Impa: *Zips back in* Sorry, couldn't resist doing a couple laps in the pool...Eh? *Blinks*
John: *Curled up in ball, snoring*
Impa: Er...Your friends are beating the Spirit Temple, y'know.
John: *Shoots up, lunges for Medallion* I don't want to hear your garbage aboutsaving Zelda! *Pops out*
Impa: ...Well! ^_^ Back to the spa! *Zips off*
*In front of the Spirit Temple*
John: *Pops in, puts on Iron Boots, and lands on archway in front of Spirit Temple*
Kristin: *Tossing cheese bombs at spinning cactus thingies* I wonder why John isn't here yet...?
Charity: *Now dressed in Sheik costume* Guys...does this make me look fat? *Spins around*
Samuel: Shut up, Char. *Punches her*
Charity: @_@
Cherri: It's a shame we can't just go in...If John didn't have the Master Sword we could just go back in time and go through that small hole.
Kristin: Yeah, well...He's late again!
Floppy Disk: Momma! *Points up frantically*
Cherri: Awwww, what's up, Floppy? You want some food?
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOMMMMAAA! *Waves hand upwards*
Danielle: I think he wants a high five. *High fives Floppy Disk*
Floppy Disk: *Hides head in hands, braces self* Moooommmaaa...
*John lands with a loud SMACK on Kristin*
Charity: Ooooh! John was up there! ^_^
Danielle: Oy vey...~_~
Kristin: GET OFF! IRON BOOTS?! YOU TYYYYYYYRANT!
John: *Looks down innocently* Ooooh, did I land on youuuu? Clumsy me. ^_^
Cherri: LET'S GET GOING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! *Picks John up, tosses him inside Spirit Temple*
Samuel: Woooow...Iron boots and everything! Er...I'm on your good side...right?
Cherri: Don't press your luck. GET INSIDE! _
Rest: *Quickly run in*
*Inside the Spirit Temple...mini five minute flashback! Oooohhh, feel the power!*
John: *Crashes through dead and then living and then dead again as John crashes through the statue hoppy thing.*
*Pieces of dead then living then dead hoppy statue thing hit other dead now living and very mad statue hoppy thing*
Statue Hoppy Thing: *Comes alive* Hello, my name is Albert. *Hands John small business card that says: "How's My Stomping? Call 1-800-55-STOMP"*
John: ...Huh? *Looks up, sees the Attack of Albert approaching*
Albert: *Stomps repeatedly on John* How am I doing? Any discomforts? I do hope so! One more successful case, being yourself, and I'll win a Christmas bonus! ^_^
John: What if I give you a Christmas bonus?
Albert: Why, that would be absolutely splendid!
John: You take Rupees?
Albert: But of course.
John: *Gives Albert 999 Rupees*
Albert: Ah! How kind! However! I am the villain, as you can see! Therefore, I shall take THIS Christmas bonus, and earn my OTHER Christmas bonus! *Continues stomping*
John: Er...dude, Christmas was yesterday.
Albert: *Stops* Oh dear. Well, I like to plan ahead! *Stomp stomp stomp*
John: *Is reduced to bloody pulp...looks up, and sees the rest of the group eating popcorn and cheering for Albert* When I get out of this...I'm going to make you guys sorry you scratched my truck...! *Starts concentrating*
Albert: Dear me, what is he doing?
Kristin: He's...playing Charades? A duck?
Danielle: No...wait...he looks like he's building up something!
Cherri: The laaaast time he built...up...something...HIT THE DIRT!
*At Lon Lon Ranch...How peaceful*
Malon: Oooo oooo oooooooo oooo oooo ooooooo ooo o ooo oooooo...*Singing*
Animals: *Cringe in pain for horrible screeching*
*Sudden blast coming from Gerudo valley knocks Malon over and into nearby haystack, effectively muffling her*
Animals: *Wave 'Go John' flags*
*At the Spirit Temple*
Danielle: *Sigh* He's always like that at home. We go through more windows daily then the average American does in a life time.
Kristin: Is he...alive? *Peers over edge*
*Shotgun clicks, and fires*
Kristin: *Goes flying into Silver Gauntlets brick, head sticks* AAAAAAAAH! *Pushes frantically against brick* Geeeeeeellllppppppp!!!
John: *Emerges from crater, holding bow and Ice Arrow, then shoots Ice Arrow at Samuel*
Everyone: *Freezes*
John: ...Whoops. Didn't mean to freeze everybody...^^;
Samuel: *Whips out his trusty toothpick, picks at ice*
John: We'll be here awhile...*Sits down, starts checking E-mail*
Charity: Con wu eck moh aaaahhmuuuulll?
John: Sure, I'll check your E-mail! *Blinks* Aaaah, my conscience is killing me...
Danielle: Conscience?
John: You stay out of this! *Whips out Fire Arrows, thaws Cherri and Charity*
*Cherri and Charity looks at each other*
Charity: After you. ^_^
Cherri: *Calmly walks over and decks John, bows and gestures to John* Your turn, Char?
John: *Gets up, rubbing chin* ...Last time I do anything nice...
Charity: *Calmly skips over, decks John* ...Ah. I feel better already.
John: ...Definitely the last time I do anything nice. *Passes out*
*Chapter suddenly pauses* Sweetpea: *Pops in* Wazzup? Review the chapter or be stabbed to death with a garden spade, ala Night of the Living Dead! ^_^
Kokkan: BOOYA! We have hit Chapter 12! Chapter 12 is more weird than funny, I tell you!
Freakees: .Scary! So, I'm the host of today's chapter. Out, Kokkan, OUT!
Kokkan: Hmph. *Scuttles out*
Freakees: Now! Welcome to Chapter 12. Read, review, and get on with your life. None of us own Zelda. Warnings? The usual. Ciao! *Walks off*
Kokkan: *Pops back in* Recently, we haven't done the RRR. Apologies. We will do so now. If we missed your review...apologies. Ahem. FREAKEES! ON WITH IT! O.o
Freakees: *Pops back in* Alrighty. TailZ Theo - Pleased you likies. Ah, wondering about Floppy Disk? John (co-author) and myself figured it would be funny if I suddenly... "had a baby". While at their house, I saw a floppy disk and shrieked that so help me I was going to name it Floppy Disk. ^^ Chapter 11 wasn't as comical for the reason that, slowly, inspiration is leaking. However, with the returning help of John, expect the humor to rise. Kayrie - We need to get Navi back in here! Next chapter will (if I remember) have more [annoying] Navi. Zeldachik: ...*Blinks*...No more Pepsi blues for you! ^^; Glad you like. Kat - AH! PLOT HOLE! Er...the Fire Medallion...will turn up...^^;;; And that is aaaall of the reviews. Now to the chappie!
Legend of Zelda: Game Reality Chapter 12
All (excluding John): *Pop into Kakariko Village*
Charity: Oooh, what rush.
*All walk forward*
Danielle: *Pauses* Hey, waitta minute, isn't this the part where the thingie comes out of the well and beats us up?
Samuel: Oh, this is SUCH a lovely game. *Sulks*
Kristin: Calm down! As long as John isn't here we'll be FINE! The game will mistake us for viiiiillagers! *Laughs insanely and falls over*
Cherri: .Okaaaay. Er.*Looks up* Incoming!
Kristin: *Stands up* Eh? What're you talking abou-AAAAH! *John lands on her*
John: Just wanted to drop by, heh heh.
Kristin: *Crawls out from under John* YOU MEAN.MEAN.Mean.mean.um.BEAN! Yeah! YOU MEAN BEAN!
John: I'm offended. *Rolls eyes*
Kristin: *Waves PDS* YOU SHOULD BE!
Cherri: Kristin, that was sarcasm.
Kristin: .You people are all goosebuckets! *Sulks*
*Beat*
John: .Right. Kristin, go forward and get attacked.
Kristin: But won't it mistake me for a villager?
John: Go forward and get attacked.
Kristin: .Err.no.
Samuel: Don't make me use the puppy eyes!
Kristin: Noooo! Not the puppy eyes! *Runs frantically to the well*
Well: *Blows up, out comes the terror of terrors.*
Kristin: A SWARM OF TERMITES?!
Floppy Disk: MOMMA?!
Termite Leader: Veeee seeee voooooood! ATTAAAAACK, JAAAAAA!
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Promptly get swarmed by hungry termites*
Danielle: What a beeeyoootiful showing. Anybody else want popcorn?
Charity: I'll have some. *Grabs handful of popcorn* This is delicious. Very buttery.
*In background, a half-eaten Kristin (with one leg remaining) and Floppy Disk hop around screaming, chased by termites*
Danielle: Thank you, I use only the premium butter. It gives it delectable taste.
*In background the termites catch up to Kristin and Floppy Disk and begin gnawing on Kristin's leg*
Cherri: *Nods sagely* The more you pay, usually the better the quality is, right?
*Kristin's pained screams fill the air*
Danielle: But of course.
Samuel & John: *Blink, look at each other, shrug*
John: Must be a girl thing.
Samuel: .Yeah.
Cherri: *Finishes out last of popcorn* Delectable. Hey, where's Kristin?
*A pile of sawdust swirls in the breeze*
Charity: Ah.whoops?
Kristin: *Pops in with Floppy Disk* YOU EARTH WORMS! How daaaaaaare you leave me ALONE WITH THOSE EEEEEEVIL.popcorn? Buttered?
Danielle: Uh.yeah. One kernel left. *Holds out kernel*
Kristin: DIIIIIIIIIISGUSTING! *Falls over*
Floppy Disk: Momma?
Samuel: What in the world...?
Kristin: *Jumps up* Anyway, trap's been pulled. Heh. Heh. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Cherri: *Smacks Kristin* Snap out of it.
Kristin: AHAHAHAhwackamoleysmoleyweebeejeebieMOOLAH! *Snaps out of it* AH HAD NO AHDEA! *Blinks* Where am I?
Cherri: *Growls, slaps Kristin's head again*
Kristin: PIGGIE MAH LOOOOOOOVE! *Snaps out of it again* Oh, hi Cherri. What just happened...? I remember something about DIIIISGUSTING BUTTERED POPCORN!
Charity: ...You're aggravating.
Kristin: WHERE IS MY MOUTH?! *Cherri slaps her* BUUUUUURRRRRIIIITTTTTTOOOOOOO!!! *Slap* I LOVE THE LITTLE TACOS! I LOVE THEM GOOOOOOOOOD! *Slap* I'LL HAVE A CLASSIC POOP! *Slap* BUT IF I DON'T HAVE A TACO I'LL EXPLODE! I GET LIKE THAT SOMETIMES! *Slap* SUCH TACOS WILL I GIIIIIIIIIVE! *Slap* THE PLUG THING! IT'S NOT PLUGGED! *Slap* POINTY HAAAIIIRRRR!!! *Slap* LET'S GO TO MY ROOM, PIG! *Slap* HOW HE WILL PAAAAAAAY!!! *Slap* OH THAT'S JUST STUPID! *Slap* AH MISS YOU CUPCAKE! *Slap* WWWHYYY, PIGGIE?! AH LOVEDED YOU!!! *Slap* BUT IF YOU DO THAT THEN HE WON'T BE YOUR ENEMY SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO SEND IN A ROBOT TO KILL HIM SO HE WILL BE YOUR ENEMY SO YOU WILL-*Head explodes*
John: What, if I dare to ask, was that?!
Cherri: Oh, she gets these phases sometimes where she spouts of quotes from random TV shows or movies. This time it was Invader Zim.
John: I'm not even gonna pretend to ask. *Throws fairy on Kristin*
Kristin: *Head pops back, comes alive* Whoa, did I have a phase again, Cherri?
Cherri: Yep. Invader Zim.
Kristin: ALRIGHT! We're all DOOOOOOOMED!
John: ...Off to the Shadow Temple.
Sweetpea: *Pops in* Hi guys! Freakees sent me. She said this has gone on long enough, and to transport you to the temple of sssshaaaadows...
*All pop out*
*In the Shadow Temple*
Sweetpea: Well, see you! *Flashes peace sign, pops out*
Kristin: *Shivers* I'm scared of this temple...*Latches onto John* SAVE ME!
John: *Smacks at Kristin* Get off!
Kristin: BUT I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAARED! *Sobs uncontrollably*
Charity: PAINT THE NEKKID TROLL!
Kristin: *Passes out*
Samuel: Paint the WHAT?!
Charity: *Dons tweed jacket, and beard wig thingie, whips out pipe (finest weed in the Shire!) then sits on rocking chair* You seeeeee, sonnies, when Kristin and I were WEEEEEEEEE little lads-
Kristin: *Wakes up* Lasses. LASSIE! HERE BOY! *Passes out*
Charity: Er.lasses.but that ruins my grandfather look.er.ANYWAY! There twas a Norweeeeeeeeeegian waiter named Bob.
Kristin: *Wakes up* Twas not Bob, twas.twas.a Norwegian name. Like Hamlet or something. ROMEO! ROMEO! EAT MAH PICKLED BEETS, ROMEO! *Passes out*
Rest: .
Charity: As I was SAYING...the Norweeeeeeeeegian waiter named Bob, or Hamlet, or Romeo...
Kristin: *Wakes up* Jest call him Frank, m'dear. *Passes out*
Charity: HESH UP, SWINE! The Norweeeeeeegian man, named Bobhamletromeofrankmdear offered us weeeeeeeee little lads-
Kristin: *Wakes up* LADS?! I had a gender change! WHOO BABY! *Passes out*
Charity: ...A dessert...called PAINT THE NEKKID TROLL!
Kristin: *Wakes up* It didn't have a belly button. *Sobs* Why did they not put the belly button on? I loveded you, belly button!
Rest: ...
Danielle: Can we PLEASE just get going?!
*At air vent room*
Kristin: Uh uh. No way. I AM NOT GOING IN HERRRRRRRRRE!
John: Why. Not.
Kristin: Because I have been murdered by guillotines, pushed off a cliff edge by a Stalfos, and given the NOOOOOOGIE OF DOOOOOOOOOOMIE!
Rest: ...
Samuel: *Shoves Kristin into room*
Kristin: AH! WAAAAAAAAAIT! *Gets in way of air flow, slams into wall* OOOIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa...*Falls into abyss*
Rest: *Sweatdrop*
Rabid Chipmunk: *Pops in, nibbling on acorn* WAAAAAZZZUUUUUUUUP? Orders from Kokkan to take you to the Boss Roomie of Doomie, because this chapter needs to be done so the readers stop hacking our heads off. *Nod nod*
*All get popped into the room above Bongo Bongo*
John: Kristin, set the trap.
Kristin: Well, I would say no and thus make Samuel do the puppy eyes of doom, but Bongo Bongo has a nice little trampoline-
John: It's a drum.
Kristin: -DRUM, then, oh picky one-
John: Just being correct.
Kristin: -SHUSHNOWOHPIIIIICKYCORRECTONE and I wanted to bounce on the drum.
Samuel: Still, for the sake of tradition...*Puppy eyes*
Kristin: AAAAHAHAHAHAHA! *Leaps down hole*
Floppy Disk: MOOOMAMAMAMAMAMA!
Kristin: *Bounces on drum* OOOOH MEEE DARLING BOOONGO BONGO! Where for art thou BONGO BONGO?! Be a HAPPY HIPPO!
Bongo Bongo: Boing, boing, BOOOOOING! *Slaps Kristin*
Kristin: WAAAAHAHAHOOOOOOOBOOOOOOBAAAA! *Falls into acid, begins to melt* I'm meeeeelting...melting...boohoohoo...
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOma!
Both: *Promptly die*
Bongo Bongo: *Scratches eyeball* I know I haven't flushed the toilet for awhile, but this is ridiculous.
Kristin's Ghost: *Shoots up* YOU MEAN THIS ACID IS YOUR TOILET?!
Bongo Bongo: *Twiddles thumbs* Now, now, a monster's gotta do what a monster's gotta do...
Kristin's Ghost: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! I'M COVERED IN BONGO POOOOOOOP! *Sobs, fades away*
*Rest of group now drop in arena. Much bouncing occurs.*
*John and Samuel draw swords*
John: Prepare to die Bongo-Bongo. You seriously need a more sinister name. I mean Bongo-Bongo?? That makes me think of Spanish dancing.
Bongo-Bongo: I'll work on that after I kill all of you. *starts pounding*
Samuel: Bouncing to hard. Can't hold sword. *drops sword punctures drum*
Bonbo-Bongo: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? YOU'VE DESTROYED MY DRUM!!!! *Starts pounding acid. Burns hands. Shrivels up and dies*
Samuel: *Stares at burning Bongo* I'm a genius.
Danielle: Alright then, time for theeeeeeeee: Fight-Over-the-Heart- Container-Which-Will-End-In-Floppy-Disk-Getting-It.
Cherri: *Looks around* But...Floppy isn't here...*Blink blink*
Charity: Aie! Twill be a space-time paradox! *Falls over*
John: Well, for once, let's let one of us get it. *Runs over to Heart Container, grabs it* I got it! I got it! I am the MASTER! *Insane cackle ensues*
Rest: ...Blink...
Samuel: Hey, wait a minute, you didn't get it...
John: Yes I did! See? *Points up to heart indicator, which now has extra heart*
Samuel: But...it's right there. *Points*
John: ...! It's a glitch! The Heart Containers must be used to Floppy Disk, and refuse to disapear until it grabs one of them! Grab 'em, everyone!
*Excessive grabbing ensues. Heart indicators reach...well...a thousand.*
*Kristin and Floppy Disk pop out of toilet acid, perfectly alive*
Kristin: WE RETURN, VALIANT CITIZENS! MAY YOUR HOT DOGGIES ROAST TO PERFECTION!
Floppy Disk: MOMMA! *Reaches for Heart Container* Moooomma!
Kristin: Aw, how cute! *Pats Floppy Disk, looks at heart displays* WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS CHEESE?! ...I just won't ask.
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!!! *Grasps at Heart Container*
Kristin: Well, time to go...*Walks away from Heart Container*
Floppy Disk: #@#&*^@#^@#^ MOMMA! *Bites Kristin's leg*
*Loud screams reverberates throughout room. Oooh, I'm using big words today.*
John: For crying out loud...*Kicks Heart Container to Floppy Disk*
Floppy Disk: *Grabs Heart Container, eyes shine with joy* Momma!
John: *Starts to disapear* Haa, see you, suckers! *Pops out*
Danielle: ...One of these days we'll kill him before he pops out...*Glare*
Rest: *Pop out, pop in at Spirit Temple*
*In the Chamber of Sages*
John: *Pops in, looks around* Uh...hellooooooo? There is a serious lack of Sage here...
Impa: *Pops in* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP?! Sorry I'm late, I took a wrong turn after leaving the Sheikah Pool and Spa. ^_^
John: *Slowly blinks*
Impa: *Slaps self* Crud, I just left the medallion at the spa! Eh...be right back! ^^; *Zips off*
John: *Taps foot*
*Time passes*
John: *Tosses bombs off side of platform*
*Time passes*
John: *Swims in water*
Impa: *Zips back in* Sorry, couldn't resist doing a couple laps in the pool...Eh? *Blinks*
John: *Curled up in ball, snoring*
Impa: Er...Your friends are beating the Spirit Temple, y'know.
John: *Shoots up, lunges for Medallion* I don't want to hear your garbage aboutsaving Zelda! *Pops out*
Impa: ...Well! ^_^ Back to the spa! *Zips off*
*In front of the Spirit Temple*
John: *Pops in, puts on Iron Boots, and lands on archway in front of Spirit Temple*
Kristin: *Tossing cheese bombs at spinning cactus thingies* I wonder why John isn't here yet...?
Charity: *Now dressed in Sheik costume* Guys...does this make me look fat? *Spins around*
Samuel: Shut up, Char. *Punches her*
Charity: @_@
Cherri: It's a shame we can't just go in...If John didn't have the Master Sword we could just go back in time and go through that small hole.
Kristin: Yeah, well...He's late again!
Floppy Disk: Momma! *Points up frantically*
Cherri: Awwww, what's up, Floppy? You want some food?
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOMMMMAAA! *Waves hand upwards*
Danielle: I think he wants a high five. *High fives Floppy Disk*
Floppy Disk: *Hides head in hands, braces self* Moooommmaaa...
*John lands with a loud SMACK on Kristin*
Charity: Ooooh! John was up there! ^_^
Danielle: Oy vey...~_~
Kristin: GET OFF! IRON BOOTS?! YOU TYYYYYYYRANT!
John: *Looks down innocently* Ooooh, did I land on youuuu? Clumsy me. ^_^
Cherri: LET'S GET GOING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! *Picks John up, tosses him inside Spirit Temple*
Samuel: Woooow...Iron boots and everything! Er...I'm on your good side...right?
Cherri: Don't press your luck. GET INSIDE! _
Rest: *Quickly run in*
*Inside the Spirit Temple...mini five minute flashback! Oooohhh, feel the power!*
John: *Crashes through dead and then living and then dead again as John crashes through the statue hoppy thing.*
*Pieces of dead then living then dead hoppy statue thing hit other dead now living and very mad statue hoppy thing*
Statue Hoppy Thing: *Comes alive* Hello, my name is Albert. *Hands John small business card that says: "How's My Stomping? Call 1-800-55-STOMP"*
John: ...Huh? *Looks up, sees the Attack of Albert approaching*
Albert: *Stomps repeatedly on John* How am I doing? Any discomforts? I do hope so! One more successful case, being yourself, and I'll win a Christmas bonus! ^_^
John: What if I give you a Christmas bonus?
Albert: Why, that would be absolutely splendid!
John: You take Rupees?
Albert: But of course.
John: *Gives Albert 999 Rupees*
Albert: Ah! How kind! However! I am the villain, as you can see! Therefore, I shall take THIS Christmas bonus, and earn my OTHER Christmas bonus! *Continues stomping*
John: Er...dude, Christmas was yesterday.
Albert: *Stops* Oh dear. Well, I like to plan ahead! *Stomp stomp stomp*
John: *Is reduced to bloody pulp...looks up, and sees the rest of the group eating popcorn and cheering for Albert* When I get out of this...I'm going to make you guys sorry you scratched my truck...! *Starts concentrating*
Albert: Dear me, what is he doing?
Kristin: He's...playing Charades? A duck?
Danielle: No...wait...he looks like he's building up something!
Cherri: The laaaast time he built...up...something...HIT THE DIRT!
*At Lon Lon Ranch...How peaceful*
Malon: Oooo oooo oooooooo oooo oooo ooooooo ooo o ooo oooooo...*Singing*
Animals: *Cringe in pain for horrible screeching*
*Sudden blast coming from Gerudo valley knocks Malon over and into nearby haystack, effectively muffling her*
Animals: *Wave 'Go John' flags*
*At the Spirit Temple*
Danielle: *Sigh* He's always like that at home. We go through more windows daily then the average American does in a life time.
Kristin: Is he...alive? *Peers over edge*
*Shotgun clicks, and fires*
Kristin: *Goes flying into Silver Gauntlets brick, head sticks* AAAAAAAAH! *Pushes frantically against brick* Geeeeeeellllppppppp!!!
John: *Emerges from crater, holding bow and Ice Arrow, then shoots Ice Arrow at Samuel*
Everyone: *Freezes*
John: ...Whoops. Didn't mean to freeze everybody...^^;
Samuel: *Whips out his trusty toothpick, picks at ice*
John: We'll be here awhile...*Sits down, starts checking E-mail*
Charity: Con wu eck moh aaaahhmuuuulll?
John: Sure, I'll check your E-mail! *Blinks* Aaaah, my conscience is killing me...
Danielle: Conscience?
John: You stay out of this! *Whips out Fire Arrows, thaws Cherri and Charity*
*Cherri and Charity looks at each other*
Charity: After you. ^_^
Cherri: *Calmly walks over and decks John, bows and gestures to John* Your turn, Char?
John: *Gets up, rubbing chin* ...Last time I do anything nice...
Charity: *Calmly skips over, decks John* ...Ah. I feel better already.
John: ...Definitely the last time I do anything nice. *Passes out*
*Chapter suddenly pauses* Sweetpea: *Pops in* Wazzup? Review the chapter or be stabbed to death with a garden spade, ala Night of the Living Dead! ^_^