Author's Notes:
Kokkan: Here is lucky chapter 13, where the group visits the Spirit Temple. *Horns toot*
Icy: And now on to the RRR! Phantwo: Yes, I dislike the Shadow Temple as well...too scary...(And now all Redeads remind me of Night of the Living Dead. Ooooo. ~_~)
Domino: Anyway, R/R. On to the story!
***
*Five hours later*
Cherri: I'm telling you, you NEED to!
John: I don't WANT to! It's humiliating!
Charity: *Looks sagely and wise* It is your duuuuuuty! *Giggles insanely*
John: Nope. Not gonna do it.
Cherri: Do it for us? *Puppy eyes*
John: Not listening. Not listening! *Covers ears*
Charity: Plllleeeeeaaaaseee? *Puppy eyes*
John: *Puts on headphones*
*Reliant K booms throughout area*
Cherri: *Slices walkman off John's belt*
John: Aw, come on, it cost me fifteen bucks!
Cherri: DO IT!
Charity: NOW!
John: I DON'T WANNA BE A KID!
Charity: I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us Kid...*Starts tap dancing rather badly*
Mysterious Voice Full of Joy: I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Charity: *Whirls around* Samuel's free?!
John, Cherri, & Charity: *Facefault*
*A little one millimeter hole is poked through the ice*
Danielle: *Rolls eyes, yanks out MYSTERIOUS OBJECT! And then yanks out a match*
Cherri: What is she lighting?
John: It looks like a-
*Room explodes*
Danielle: *Stands among chunks of ice, calmly blows out match* Gotta love my toys. ^^
Samuel: *Continues poking*
John: *Sweatdrops* Glad she doesn't have them in real life.
Kristin: Uuud uuu eeet eeeee uuuuttt ufffff eeeeeeeeeere!
Charity: John, you're the official mumble translator. What'd she say?
John: I didn't catch it. Cherri & Charity: *Crack knuckles, ball fists*
Danielle: *Calmly tosses a bomb up and down*
John: You know how good I am at baseball...
Cherri & Charity: *Approach John*
Danielle: *Reaches for match*
John: Nope! I heard it! I heard it! She said: "Would you get me out of here."
Cherri & Charity: *Look at each other* Should we hit him anyway?
Danielle: *Laughs evilly, lights bomb, tosses bomb at John*
John: *Whips out Master Sword, bats bomb away*
*Incidentally, the bomb lands on top of Kristin. Thus, Kristin is blown out of the hole, and crashes into Samuel's infamous block of ice, effectively shattering it.*
Samuel: *Stares in awe at toothpick* It worked! It really worked! *Cries tears of joy*
John: See? Told you I was good at baseball.
Cherri: Now, John, be a kid again.
John: Why not just get Floppy Disk to do it?
Danielle: *Smiles sweetly* Floooppy Diiiiisk...We need a bit of help. See, thereâEs these Gauntlets at the end of the-
Floppy Disk: *Shakes head negatively* Momma.
*An hour later*
*John is shuffling Mountain Dew cards in the corner. Cherri, Charity, Samuel and Kristin are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Danielle is persuading Floppy Disk, still attached to Kristin's leg, to get the Gauntlets. Not much luck in that department.*
Danielle: *Sits down, sighs* I give up. Not even the offer of a chocolate reward worked.
John: *Puts cards away* You finally give up? C'mere.
*Danielle walks over to John. John whispers in Danielle's ear. A lightbulb appears over Danielle's head. This lightbulb falls to the ground, and rolls into the desert. Once there, it is blown into the Gerudo compound, where it lands on a Gerudo's spear and lights up*
Gerudo: *Gasps* I have the light! I HAVE THE POWER!
*Disco balls drops, and Gerudos appear in disco costumes. "I've Got the Power" blares in the backround*
Gerudos: *Disco dance* OOOOOHHHH YEAH! DANCE! WHAT A HOT BEAT!
John: *Pops up* Can we sort of get back to US?!
*Oh. Right. Sorry about that. ^_^; Back to our....heroes...BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Heroes? That's the funniest thing I've heard all day! AHAHAHA-What? I'm still on the air? AAACK! O_O*
Danielle: *Races over to Floppy Disk, whispers in Floppy Disk's ear*
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *Shoots off*
Kristin: I never knew Floppy Disk could detach itself from my leg!
John: *Eyes bug out* Uh...it didn't.
Kristin: *Looks down* MY LEEEEEG! IT'S GONE! FLOPPPPPPYYYYY DIIIIISSSSSK! GET BACK HERE, YOU FOOOOOOOL! YOU STOLE MY LEG!
Samuel: Wait a minute...John knew how to make Floppy Disk leave the entire time...
Cherri: That means...
Charity: Our waiting could have been prevented!
Danielle: I swear, I know where you sleep!
*Everyone turns to Kristin for an equally sinister phrase*
Kristin: I can't stand! I can't stand! I can't-*Falls over*
John: *Sweatdrops* Well, it was too amusing watching Danielle try...
*Everyone glowers*
John: And then watching you all play Rock Paper Scissors was very entertaining...
*Everyone draws weapons, excepting Kristin, who is twitching on the floor and foaming at the mouth*
John: And besides, no one asked me.
Danielle: He does have a point there...
Everybody Else: Can't we beat him up anyway?
Floppy Disk: *Triumphantly returns* MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMAAAAAAA! *Tosses Gauntlets to John, receives Heart Container in return*
Kristin: NOW GIVE ME BACK MY LEG, YOU OVERGROWN TURNIP!
Floppy Disk: *Eyes tear up* Moooommmma...*Starts crying*
Kristin: AWWW! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I didn't! Just give me my leg back, pleeeaaaasseee!
*Floppy Disk lunges at Kristin, a brilliant light fills the room*
Everyone: *In awe* Woooowww...
*Light fades*
Everyone: ...Um...
Kristin: YOU'RE ATTACHED TO MY HEAD?! *Has leg sticking out of head*
Floppy Disk: *Shrugs* Momma.
*After several tries, in which Kristin had a leg on her arm, back, stomach, shoulder, over her mouth (which the others wished to keep it there, mind), finally Floppy Disk was back where it belonged.*
John: *Puts on Gauntlets* Whoa...*Walks over to mirror (don't ask where it came from) takes off tunic and white shirt, and is suddenly muscular, ala Spiderman*
Danielle: Aw, John, PUT IT BACK ON! GROSS! I CAN'T BELIEVE-OOOOH! PUT IT OOOOOOOON!
John: *Flexes muscles* Whoa, it's like Spiderman!
Peter Parker: *Pops in* HEY! This is copyright infringment! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER!
John: Er...that is to say...Whoa, this scene is inspired by Spiderman...?
Peter Parker: Hm...I guess that's better. See you! *Swings off using that...sticky...web stuff. Yep.*
John: Heh heh heh...I'm so powerful! *Gloats*
Kristin: Hey now! You're not the only powerful one around here! I'm stronger then you are, and I don't even HAVE Gauntlets!
John: Prove it.
Kristin: *Skips over to large block, starts pushing it* See? It's working! IT'S WORKING!
*Block moves one millimeter*
Samuel: Actually, Kristin, I think you're making a fool of yourself.
Kristin: I am the Kristin that says NAY! NAAAAAAAY! I'm STRONG! STRONG, I SAYS! STRO- *Muscles suddenly sag from the torture of trying to push a block*
Everyone: *Sweatdrop*
Samuel: Just let John move the block so we can LEAVE, shall we?!
Cherri: Good point.
John: *Straining to push it* This thing is heavy, y'know...To heck with it! *Punches block*
Block: *Promptly flies down hallway, hits wall, shatters*
John: *Stares at Gauntlets* Whew, I could get used to these.
Danielle: When we get home, PLEASE don't put a hole in the wall. Mom'll throw a fit.
*Our heroes proceed through the Spirit Temple, where they come upon Mr. Iron Knuckle, who comes before the Mirror Shield. Which doesn't make sense, but whatever.*
Iron Knuckle: ZZZZZzzzzzzzz...
John: So, who should wake it up?
Danielle: *Yanks out bomb* I could!
Charity: NONONONO! NO SHOWER OF BOMBS!
Danielle: *Blows out match* Daggommit!
Samuel: Who should do it?
Cherri: Danielle can't, she'll destroy the temple.
Danielle: *Sticks out tongue* Pfffffft!
Samuel: How about you?
Cherri: Pft, no! I'm not that insane.
Samuel: I can't. I have to...um...protect...er...you know what I mean.
Cherri: Yeah, you mean you're a chicken. Charity can't, because Zelda is an essential character.
Samuel: Kristin?
Kristin: *Falls over, foaming at mouth*
Samuel: Then again, maybe not.
Cherri: Hey now...
Both: *Evilly look at John*
John: *Looks up from shuffling cards* What?
Cherri: *In sing song voice* Bet you couldn't stand in the middle of the room and hit him between the eyes with an aaaaarrrrooooooooowwwwwwwwww!!!
John: Wanna bet! *Calmly walks up, yanks out bow, reach into backpacks, drops backpack yanks out arrow that is camouflage with yellow and orange feathers* Step back and watch me go to work!
*Horns toot*
Rest: *Back up*
John: *Bends bow, shoots Iron Knuckle between eyes, turns around* What now?
Danielle: Er...behind you...*Points*
Iron Knuckle: *Advances towards John*
*A ring of flames pop up between John and rest of company, leaving the rest of the company and John's backpack outside of the flames*
Kristin: WHAT IS THIS?!
Floppy Disk: MOOOMMMMA?!
Charity: That wasn't supposed to happen!
Danielle: After analyzing the present predicament concerning the current bonfire, my hypothesis would have to be that the technical world, or game in common tongue, that we find ourselves situated in, believes that John and the Iron Knuckle must duel together, without any interference.
Rest: *Blinks*
Kristin: You're scary when you're smart.
Floppy Disk: Momma!
Iron Knuckle: *Raises axe*
John: Oh crap.
*Axe connects with John's head. Sickening crunch ensues*
Charity: Ouch.
John: *Gets flung against flames, burn* Ahhhhh! Ouch...Time to get serious. *Draws sword and shield*
Iron Knuckle: *Moves in again*
*Dramatic music blares*
Danielle: *Goes through John's backpack, takes laptop, checks E-mail* Hey John! You got an E-mail!
John: *Dodges axe* From who?
Danielle: Adrian! He wants you to move his bishop to A 4!
John: HA! PERFECT MOVE! I MOVE MY QUEEN TO-*Gets hit by axe*
Danielle: To where? I didn't catch that!
John: Forget it! I'll do it later!
Rest: *Roasts hot dogs in flame*
Floppy Disk: Momma.
John: *Hits Iron Knuckle on head with sword* This is not working. *Pulls out bow, shoots Iron Knuckle with Ice Arrow*
Iron Knuckle: *Dies*
*Fire disappears*
John: @_@ *Falls over*
Rest: How on Earth did you get the Ice Arrows?
John: @_@
Charity: He dodges the QUESTION!
John: @_@
Danielle: I think he has his ways to get that stuff...
Cherri: This is kind of redundant. Why are we asking this again?
Charity: Good point. Let's wake him up.
Samuel: I've got it. *Pokes John with toothpick*
John: *Wakes up, slices Samuel's arm off with sword* ...Sorry. Reflex.
Samuel: AAAAAAAAH!
Danielle: Don't worry, happens to me all the time. ^-^
Charity: *Sighs, walks over, yanks out stitching equipment*
Samuel: Is this gonna hurt?
Charity: I hope so.
Samuel: O_O
*Far off, in Gerudo Village*
*Gerudos are still grooving to I've Got the Power, and shrill screams come from the direction of the Spirit Temple. The light bulb falls off of staff, hits the ground, shatters. Music screeches to a halt, and disco ball mysteriously vanishes*
Gerudo: Awwww...back to guard duty...*Sulk*
*Back to the Spirit Temple, thankyouverymuch*
*After stitching Samuel's arm (which DID hurt, thankees), the company approaches the WALL OF DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*
Charity: WHAT IS THIS?! O_o
Danielle: Don't worry.. It's all about TIMING. Watch and learn, peasant. *Falls off* AAAAAH! *Throws bomb at wall, wall moves faster*
Charity: *Gets halfway up, neck thingamabob gets caught in moving tiles* AAAHHHHHH!!! HERE COME THE SPIKES!!!!!
Samuel: *Throws heroic toothpick and gets her off* Aren't I the greatest?
Charity: No.
Cherri: *Whips out handy-dandy swords and starts climbing up*
Charity: She's actually gonna make it!
Cherri: HA! I'M BETTER THEN ALL OF YEEEEEEEE!
Samuel: Number one, I haven't tried yet. Number two, John hasn't. Number three, Kristin hasn't. Number four, your sword is caught, y'know.
Cherri: Eh? *Tries to yank right sword out of wall* HEY! HEY! HEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!! I'M NOT GREAT ANYMORE!
Kristin: Were you ever?
Cherri: SHUT UUUUUUUP! *Falls down, lands on Kristin* Sweet revenge.
Kristin: Mmph.
Floppy Disk: Momma.
Samuel: *Looks up and imposing Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!, then looks at Kristin and Floppy Disk* Ladies first.
Kristin: DON'T YE CALL MAH FLOPPY DISK A LAHDY!
Floppy Disk: Momma?
Samuel: But what IS it?
Kristin: I dunno.
Floppy Disk: Momma! ~_~
Kristin: *Looks at first* Nonono, gentlemen first.
Samuel: Ladies..
Kristin: YOU!
Samuel: YOU!
*Samuel and Kristin get into fistfight*
John: *Sighs, whips out long shot and fires at the top* Seeya.
Danielle: YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN USE YOUR ANGER TO BLOW UP STUFF!
Cherri: Oh great.
*At Lon Lon Ranch*
Malon: Oo o oooooo, oo o oooooo, ooo oooo oooooo, oooooo oooooooo, ooooooooo oooooooo...*Mushrooms cloud appears in direction of Spirit Temple* Ooo? *Shrugs* Ooo o oooooo, ooo ooooooo oooooooo...
*Sound of thunderous galloping ensues*
Malon: Ooo oooo ooooo oooo...*Listens* Oo? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *Gets trampled by Epona* Oooo!!! X_X
*Back at Spirit Temple...AGAIN! I AM SICK OF THESE SCENE CHANGES! WHERE IS MY LAWYER! MY ATTORN-*Gets punched* @_@*
*The Spirit Temple is slightly leaned over to one side, making the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES! Become a ramp of sorts*
Danielle: *Standing in rubble* You know, I've just thought of something.
Rest: *Burned*
Danielle: John has never used the Ocarina.
John: Oh great.
Kristin: *Brushes cinders off head* Well, Link plays wonderfully...you should do well.
Charity: Yeah, go ahead!
John: If you insist...but I warm you, I play the guitar, not the flute.
Danielle: I'm sure it'll work the same. *Throws backpack at John*
John: *Yanks out guitar, amplifier, power generator*
Cherri: Then again, maybe this was a bad idea.
John: *Plays Epona's Song on the guitar*
*Thunderous galloping ensues*
Kristin: Why are we asking for Epona in this te-AAAAAAH!
*In slow motion, with violins in the background, Epona gracefully surges into the room. She gracefully stomps on Kristin, with beautiful crunching sounds ensuing as she runs up the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*
Kristin: Eerrrrrr...X_X
John: Guess I should be the hero and get you all up here.
Epona: *Nod nod*
John: *Feeds Epona sugar cube*
Epona: O_o *Goes on sugar high*
John: *Jumps down* Who first?
Rest: O_O
*After much ado, screaming, and Epona cursing, everyone is finally atop the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*
John: So where are all these milkshakes I keep hearing about?
*Shut up.*
John: Okay.
*Thankees. Anywho, our heroes (snicker) are now to the point where the statue goddess' face is burned off, thanks to the mirror shield*
John: O_O! Wait a second!
Rest: *Everyone stops*
John: Cherri is Nabooru!
Rest: O_O OMIGOSH! The profoundness is astonishing!
John: That means...
Cherri: Means?
Rest: YOU'RE EEEEEEEVIL!
Cherri: I beg your pardon?
John: Well, you do try to kill us.
Cherri: I BEG YOUR PARDON?!
Kristin: You turn into an Iron Knuckle and try to kill us!
Cherri: WHAT IS THIS GAME?! O_o THIS IS MEAN! I DEMAND A LAWYER!
Rest: ~_~
Cherri: *Starts disappearing* AH! AH! HELP!
Background Music: I wish we'd all been reeeeeaaaadyyyyyyyy...
*Epona is promptly chewing grass at Hyrule Grass N Go, in case you were wondering*
John: Now what? I can't kill her. I have vowed never to hurt a girl.
Kristin: Well, think of it. Charity, Danielle, and I are all girls. We could fight her, perhaps.
Samuel: You guy'll get killed. You're weak.
Danielle: *Yanks out bomb and match* You were saying?
Samuel: With the exception of Danielle, of course.
Danielle: ^_^
John: I got an idea. I'll block her attacks, you guys knock the snot out of her.
Rest: *Nod nod*
John: Now, everybody has to get inside the head.
*At Lon Lon Ranch*
Malon: *In body cast* Oooo ooo ooooooo...ooooo oooo ooooooo...
Navi: I MUST GET TO LIIIIIIIINK!
Malon: *Mouth wide open* Ooooooo oooo-*GULP* Eee! Eee! Can't breathe! Can't ooo-ooo anymore! *Falls over* X_X
Navi: *Crawls out of mouth* Wrong turn. *Listens to scream of fear coming from Spirit Temple* MUST SAVE LIIIIIINK!
*Back at the Spirit Temple, after everyone has been taken inside the head*
All: *Stand in front of door with Boss Lock on it*
Samuel: Wait just a minute. Who has the Boss Key?
Rest: *Look around*
John: Forget this. *Punches door, door falls over*
All: *Come pouring in*
Kotake and Koume: YE FOOOOOOOLS! YE INTRUDE! PREPARE TO FACE DE IRON KNUUUUUUUCKLE!
John: Now hold on a second. Let us think about this for a second, and get equipped. THEN you can let us face the Iron Knuckle.
Kotake and Koume: Er...okay...
Everyone: *Huddles*
John: What all do we have for weapons?
Charity: I have some Light Arrows...but you're not supposed to know that yet.
Samuel: I got a couple toothbrushes, and the HEROIC TOOTHPICK!
Danielle: I have two bombs left. Two. I got two. ONLY TWO!
Kristin: I have my Pointy Deku Stick!
Danielle: It's dull. Kristin: NO MORE SHARPIEEEE! *Bursts into tears* Anywho, and I'm outta darts.
John: I'm out of arrows. My shotguns are in the truck...I just have my sword and shield.
All: *Look around*
Charity: There's weapons on the walls!
All: *Evil grin*
*Ten minutes later, they huddle again*
John: Now what do we have?
Charity: I have some armor...and a bow and some arrows.
Samuel: I have two Gerudo swords, and...AN UPGRADED HEROIC TOOTHPICK!
Danielle: I reloaded my bombs, and two short swords.
Kristin: I've reloaded my darts...and an UPGRADED POINTY DEKU STICK! Never dulls! Made at Pointy Deku Sticks That Never Dull R Us! ^_^
John: I have some chain mail...I've reloaded my quiver. And two knives. Are we ready guys?
Everyone: *Brandish weapons* Let's go.
John: *Turns to Koume and Kotake*
Koume and Kotake: *Sipping tea and reading Witches Digest*
John: Now we are ready to fight.
Koume and Kotake: Goodie! *Throw tea against wall* Oh loyal Miiiiiiiiinion!
Giant Iron Knuckle (GIK): *Walks in*
John: Okay, remember the plan. I block, you guys hit. Capiece?
Rest: *Nod*
Kristin: I'll lead the charge! FEAR THE UPGRADED PDS! *Charges*
*Kristin leads the charge with a resounding battle cry. As she brings the PDS against the armor, she promptly bounces off, hit's the far wall, and slides down.*
Kristin: Ouch. @_@
John: Charity, stay back and barrage it with arrows. We'll go in.
Rest Excluding Charity and Kristin: *Charge*
GIK: *Swings axe, hits all three with one stroke*
*Arrows clink all over GIK's armor*
GIK: *Turns and charges Charity*
Charity: AH!
John: Catch! *Throws Nayru's Love at Charity*
Charity: *Catches it, and uses it*
GIKL: *Screeches to a halt, pokes at Blue Diamond* Eh? O_O?
Charity: HAHA! *Sticks out tongue*
Danielle: *Leaps on top of GIK, sinks swords into GIK's head*
GIK: Aaaaaiieeee!!! @_@ *Rears back*
Charity: *Shoots arrow, hits GIK's unprotected neck*
Danielle: *Falls off GIK*
GIK: *Groans, falls over*
Cherri: *Emerges from armor* It's about time! I was stuck in there watching Gilligan's Island reruns! _
John: Well, it wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world...
Koume and Kotake: HHOOOO! You have defeated our MIIIIIIIIINION of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES! We must have her BACK! *Both shoots beams at Cherri*
Cherri: AH! O_O
John: *Leaps into path of beams, and raises Mirror Shield of DEATH, DOOM AND MI-(Gets slapped)*
*Beams bounce back at Koume and Kotake, hitting them. They vanish*
Kristin: Alright, where'd they go?!
*Heart Container appears*
All: O_O
John: They're DEAD?!
Floppy Disk: Moooommmaaa! 0_0 *Grabs Heart Container*
All: *Disapear*
*And there you go! See you next time!*
Kokkan: Here is lucky chapter 13, where the group visits the Spirit Temple. *Horns toot*
Icy: And now on to the RRR! Phantwo: Yes, I dislike the Shadow Temple as well...too scary...(And now all Redeads remind me of Night of the Living Dead. Ooooo. ~_~)
Domino: Anyway, R/R. On to the story!
***
*Five hours later*
Cherri: I'm telling you, you NEED to!
John: I don't WANT to! It's humiliating!
Charity: *Looks sagely and wise* It is your duuuuuuty! *Giggles insanely*
John: Nope. Not gonna do it.
Cherri: Do it for us? *Puppy eyes*
John: Not listening. Not listening! *Covers ears*
Charity: Plllleeeeeaaaaseee? *Puppy eyes*
John: *Puts on headphones*
*Reliant K booms throughout area*
Cherri: *Slices walkman off John's belt*
John: Aw, come on, it cost me fifteen bucks!
Cherri: DO IT!
Charity: NOW!
John: I DON'T WANNA BE A KID!
Charity: I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us Kid...*Starts tap dancing rather badly*
Mysterious Voice Full of Joy: I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Charity: *Whirls around* Samuel's free?!
John, Cherri, & Charity: *Facefault*
*A little one millimeter hole is poked through the ice*
Danielle: *Rolls eyes, yanks out MYSTERIOUS OBJECT! And then yanks out a match*
Cherri: What is she lighting?
John: It looks like a-
*Room explodes*
Danielle: *Stands among chunks of ice, calmly blows out match* Gotta love my toys. ^^
Samuel: *Continues poking*
John: *Sweatdrops* Glad she doesn't have them in real life.
Kristin: Uuud uuu eeet eeeee uuuuttt ufffff eeeeeeeeeere!
Charity: John, you're the official mumble translator. What'd she say?
John: I didn't catch it. Cherri & Charity: *Crack knuckles, ball fists*
Danielle: *Calmly tosses a bomb up and down*
John: You know how good I am at baseball...
Cherri & Charity: *Approach John*
Danielle: *Reaches for match*
John: Nope! I heard it! I heard it! She said: "Would you get me out of here."
Cherri & Charity: *Look at each other* Should we hit him anyway?
Danielle: *Laughs evilly, lights bomb, tosses bomb at John*
John: *Whips out Master Sword, bats bomb away*
*Incidentally, the bomb lands on top of Kristin. Thus, Kristin is blown out of the hole, and crashes into Samuel's infamous block of ice, effectively shattering it.*
Samuel: *Stares in awe at toothpick* It worked! It really worked! *Cries tears of joy*
John: See? Told you I was good at baseball.
Cherri: Now, John, be a kid again.
John: Why not just get Floppy Disk to do it?
Danielle: *Smiles sweetly* Floooppy Diiiiisk...We need a bit of help. See, thereâEs these Gauntlets at the end of the-
Floppy Disk: *Shakes head negatively* Momma.
*An hour later*
*John is shuffling Mountain Dew cards in the corner. Cherri, Charity, Samuel and Kristin are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Danielle is persuading Floppy Disk, still attached to Kristin's leg, to get the Gauntlets. Not much luck in that department.*
Danielle: *Sits down, sighs* I give up. Not even the offer of a chocolate reward worked.
John: *Puts cards away* You finally give up? C'mere.
*Danielle walks over to John. John whispers in Danielle's ear. A lightbulb appears over Danielle's head. This lightbulb falls to the ground, and rolls into the desert. Once there, it is blown into the Gerudo compound, where it lands on a Gerudo's spear and lights up*
Gerudo: *Gasps* I have the light! I HAVE THE POWER!
*Disco balls drops, and Gerudos appear in disco costumes. "I've Got the Power" blares in the backround*
Gerudos: *Disco dance* OOOOOHHHH YEAH! DANCE! WHAT A HOT BEAT!
John: *Pops up* Can we sort of get back to US?!
*Oh. Right. Sorry about that. ^_^; Back to our....heroes...BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Heroes? That's the funniest thing I've heard all day! AHAHAHA-What? I'm still on the air? AAACK! O_O*
Danielle: *Races over to Floppy Disk, whispers in Floppy Disk's ear*
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *Shoots off*
Kristin: I never knew Floppy Disk could detach itself from my leg!
John: *Eyes bug out* Uh...it didn't.
Kristin: *Looks down* MY LEEEEEG! IT'S GONE! FLOPPPPPPYYYYY DIIIIISSSSSK! GET BACK HERE, YOU FOOOOOOOL! YOU STOLE MY LEG!
Samuel: Wait a minute...John knew how to make Floppy Disk leave the entire time...
Cherri: That means...
Charity: Our waiting could have been prevented!
Danielle: I swear, I know where you sleep!
*Everyone turns to Kristin for an equally sinister phrase*
Kristin: I can't stand! I can't stand! I can't-*Falls over*
John: *Sweatdrops* Well, it was too amusing watching Danielle try...
*Everyone glowers*
John: And then watching you all play Rock Paper Scissors was very entertaining...
*Everyone draws weapons, excepting Kristin, who is twitching on the floor and foaming at the mouth*
John: And besides, no one asked me.
Danielle: He does have a point there...
Everybody Else: Can't we beat him up anyway?
Floppy Disk: *Triumphantly returns* MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMAAAAAAA! *Tosses Gauntlets to John, receives Heart Container in return*
Kristin: NOW GIVE ME BACK MY LEG, YOU OVERGROWN TURNIP!
Floppy Disk: *Eyes tear up* Moooommmma...*Starts crying*
Kristin: AWWW! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I didn't! Just give me my leg back, pleeeaaaasseee!
*Floppy Disk lunges at Kristin, a brilliant light fills the room*
Everyone: *In awe* Woooowww...
*Light fades*
Everyone: ...Um...
Kristin: YOU'RE ATTACHED TO MY HEAD?! *Has leg sticking out of head*
Floppy Disk: *Shrugs* Momma.
*After several tries, in which Kristin had a leg on her arm, back, stomach, shoulder, over her mouth (which the others wished to keep it there, mind), finally Floppy Disk was back where it belonged.*
John: *Puts on Gauntlets* Whoa...*Walks over to mirror (don't ask where it came from) takes off tunic and white shirt, and is suddenly muscular, ala Spiderman*
Danielle: Aw, John, PUT IT BACK ON! GROSS! I CAN'T BELIEVE-OOOOH! PUT IT OOOOOOOON!
John: *Flexes muscles* Whoa, it's like Spiderman!
Peter Parker: *Pops in* HEY! This is copyright infringment! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER!
John: Er...that is to say...Whoa, this scene is inspired by Spiderman...?
Peter Parker: Hm...I guess that's better. See you! *Swings off using that...sticky...web stuff. Yep.*
John: Heh heh heh...I'm so powerful! *Gloats*
Kristin: Hey now! You're not the only powerful one around here! I'm stronger then you are, and I don't even HAVE Gauntlets!
John: Prove it.
Kristin: *Skips over to large block, starts pushing it* See? It's working! IT'S WORKING!
*Block moves one millimeter*
Samuel: Actually, Kristin, I think you're making a fool of yourself.
Kristin: I am the Kristin that says NAY! NAAAAAAAY! I'm STRONG! STRONG, I SAYS! STRO- *Muscles suddenly sag from the torture of trying to push a block*
Everyone: *Sweatdrop*
Samuel: Just let John move the block so we can LEAVE, shall we?!
Cherri: Good point.
John: *Straining to push it* This thing is heavy, y'know...To heck with it! *Punches block*
Block: *Promptly flies down hallway, hits wall, shatters*
John: *Stares at Gauntlets* Whew, I could get used to these.
Danielle: When we get home, PLEASE don't put a hole in the wall. Mom'll throw a fit.
*Our heroes proceed through the Spirit Temple, where they come upon Mr. Iron Knuckle, who comes before the Mirror Shield. Which doesn't make sense, but whatever.*
Iron Knuckle: ZZZZZzzzzzzzz...
John: So, who should wake it up?
Danielle: *Yanks out bomb* I could!
Charity: NONONONO! NO SHOWER OF BOMBS!
Danielle: *Blows out match* Daggommit!
Samuel: Who should do it?
Cherri: Danielle can't, she'll destroy the temple.
Danielle: *Sticks out tongue* Pfffffft!
Samuel: How about you?
Cherri: Pft, no! I'm not that insane.
Samuel: I can't. I have to...um...protect...er...you know what I mean.
Cherri: Yeah, you mean you're a chicken. Charity can't, because Zelda is an essential character.
Samuel: Kristin?
Kristin: *Falls over, foaming at mouth*
Samuel: Then again, maybe not.
Cherri: Hey now...
Both: *Evilly look at John*
John: *Looks up from shuffling cards* What?
Cherri: *In sing song voice* Bet you couldn't stand in the middle of the room and hit him between the eyes with an aaaaarrrrooooooooowwwwwwwwww!!!
John: Wanna bet! *Calmly walks up, yanks out bow, reach into backpacks, drops backpack yanks out arrow that is camouflage with yellow and orange feathers* Step back and watch me go to work!
*Horns toot*
Rest: *Back up*
John: *Bends bow, shoots Iron Knuckle between eyes, turns around* What now?
Danielle: Er...behind you...*Points*
Iron Knuckle: *Advances towards John*
*A ring of flames pop up between John and rest of company, leaving the rest of the company and John's backpack outside of the flames*
Kristin: WHAT IS THIS?!
Floppy Disk: MOOOMMMMA?!
Charity: That wasn't supposed to happen!
Danielle: After analyzing the present predicament concerning the current bonfire, my hypothesis would have to be that the technical world, or game in common tongue, that we find ourselves situated in, believes that John and the Iron Knuckle must duel together, without any interference.
Rest: *Blinks*
Kristin: You're scary when you're smart.
Floppy Disk: Momma!
Iron Knuckle: *Raises axe*
John: Oh crap.
*Axe connects with John's head. Sickening crunch ensues*
Charity: Ouch.
John: *Gets flung against flames, burn* Ahhhhh! Ouch...Time to get serious. *Draws sword and shield*
Iron Knuckle: *Moves in again*
*Dramatic music blares*
Danielle: *Goes through John's backpack, takes laptop, checks E-mail* Hey John! You got an E-mail!
John: *Dodges axe* From who?
Danielle: Adrian! He wants you to move his bishop to A 4!
John: HA! PERFECT MOVE! I MOVE MY QUEEN TO-*Gets hit by axe*
Danielle: To where? I didn't catch that!
John: Forget it! I'll do it later!
Rest: *Roasts hot dogs in flame*
Floppy Disk: Momma.
John: *Hits Iron Knuckle on head with sword* This is not working. *Pulls out bow, shoots Iron Knuckle with Ice Arrow*
Iron Knuckle: *Dies*
*Fire disappears*
John: @_@ *Falls over*
Rest: How on Earth did you get the Ice Arrows?
John: @_@
Charity: He dodges the QUESTION!
John: @_@
Danielle: I think he has his ways to get that stuff...
Cherri: This is kind of redundant. Why are we asking this again?
Charity: Good point. Let's wake him up.
Samuel: I've got it. *Pokes John with toothpick*
John: *Wakes up, slices Samuel's arm off with sword* ...Sorry. Reflex.
Samuel: AAAAAAAAH!
Danielle: Don't worry, happens to me all the time. ^-^
Charity: *Sighs, walks over, yanks out stitching equipment*
Samuel: Is this gonna hurt?
Charity: I hope so.
Samuel: O_O
*Far off, in Gerudo Village*
*Gerudos are still grooving to I've Got the Power, and shrill screams come from the direction of the Spirit Temple. The light bulb falls off of staff, hits the ground, shatters. Music screeches to a halt, and disco ball mysteriously vanishes*
Gerudo: Awwww...back to guard duty...*Sulk*
*Back to the Spirit Temple, thankyouverymuch*
*After stitching Samuel's arm (which DID hurt, thankees), the company approaches the WALL OF DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*
Charity: WHAT IS THIS?! O_o
Danielle: Don't worry.. It's all about TIMING. Watch and learn, peasant. *Falls off* AAAAAH! *Throws bomb at wall, wall moves faster*
Charity: *Gets halfway up, neck thingamabob gets caught in moving tiles* AAAHHHHHH!!! HERE COME THE SPIKES!!!!!
Samuel: *Throws heroic toothpick and gets her off* Aren't I the greatest?
Charity: No.
Cherri: *Whips out handy-dandy swords and starts climbing up*
Charity: She's actually gonna make it!
Cherri: HA! I'M BETTER THEN ALL OF YEEEEEEEE!
Samuel: Number one, I haven't tried yet. Number two, John hasn't. Number three, Kristin hasn't. Number four, your sword is caught, y'know.
Cherri: Eh? *Tries to yank right sword out of wall* HEY! HEY! HEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!! I'M NOT GREAT ANYMORE!
Kristin: Were you ever?
Cherri: SHUT UUUUUUUP! *Falls down, lands on Kristin* Sweet revenge.
Kristin: Mmph.
Floppy Disk: Momma.
Samuel: *Looks up and imposing Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!, then looks at Kristin and Floppy Disk* Ladies first.
Kristin: DON'T YE CALL MAH FLOPPY DISK A LAHDY!
Floppy Disk: Momma?
Samuel: But what IS it?
Kristin: I dunno.
Floppy Disk: Momma! ~_~
Kristin: *Looks at first* Nonono, gentlemen first.
Samuel: Ladies..
Kristin: YOU!
Samuel: YOU!
*Samuel and Kristin get into fistfight*
John: *Sighs, whips out long shot and fires at the top* Seeya.
Danielle: YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN USE YOUR ANGER TO BLOW UP STUFF!
Cherri: Oh great.
*At Lon Lon Ranch*
Malon: Oo o oooooo, oo o oooooo, ooo oooo oooooo, oooooo oooooooo, ooooooooo oooooooo...*Mushrooms cloud appears in direction of Spirit Temple* Ooo? *Shrugs* Ooo o oooooo, ooo ooooooo oooooooo...
*Sound of thunderous galloping ensues*
Malon: Ooo oooo ooooo oooo...*Listens* Oo? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *Gets trampled by Epona* Oooo!!! X_X
*Back at Spirit Temple...AGAIN! I AM SICK OF THESE SCENE CHANGES! WHERE IS MY LAWYER! MY ATTORN-*Gets punched* @_@*
*The Spirit Temple is slightly leaned over to one side, making the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES! Become a ramp of sorts*
Danielle: *Standing in rubble* You know, I've just thought of something.
Rest: *Burned*
Danielle: John has never used the Ocarina.
John: Oh great.
Kristin: *Brushes cinders off head* Well, Link plays wonderfully...you should do well.
Charity: Yeah, go ahead!
John: If you insist...but I warm you, I play the guitar, not the flute.
Danielle: I'm sure it'll work the same. *Throws backpack at John*
John: *Yanks out guitar, amplifier, power generator*
Cherri: Then again, maybe this was a bad idea.
John: *Plays Epona's Song on the guitar*
*Thunderous galloping ensues*
Kristin: Why are we asking for Epona in this te-AAAAAAH!
*In slow motion, with violins in the background, Epona gracefully surges into the room. She gracefully stomps on Kristin, with beautiful crunching sounds ensuing as she runs up the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*
Kristin: Eerrrrrr...X_X
John: Guess I should be the hero and get you all up here.
Epona: *Nod nod*
John: *Feeds Epona sugar cube*
Epona: O_o *Goes on sugar high*
John: *Jumps down* Who first?
Rest: O_O
*After much ado, screaming, and Epona cursing, everyone is finally atop the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*
John: So where are all these milkshakes I keep hearing about?
*Shut up.*
John: Okay.
*Thankees. Anywho, our heroes (snicker) are now to the point where the statue goddess' face is burned off, thanks to the mirror shield*
John: O_O! Wait a second!
Rest: *Everyone stops*
John: Cherri is Nabooru!
Rest: O_O OMIGOSH! The profoundness is astonishing!
John: That means...
Cherri: Means?
Rest: YOU'RE EEEEEEEVIL!
Cherri: I beg your pardon?
John: Well, you do try to kill us.
Cherri: I BEG YOUR PARDON?!
Kristin: You turn into an Iron Knuckle and try to kill us!
Cherri: WHAT IS THIS GAME?! O_o THIS IS MEAN! I DEMAND A LAWYER!
Rest: ~_~
Cherri: *Starts disappearing* AH! AH! HELP!
Background Music: I wish we'd all been reeeeeaaaadyyyyyyyy...
*Epona is promptly chewing grass at Hyrule Grass N Go, in case you were wondering*
John: Now what? I can't kill her. I have vowed never to hurt a girl.
Kristin: Well, think of it. Charity, Danielle, and I are all girls. We could fight her, perhaps.
Samuel: You guy'll get killed. You're weak.
Danielle: *Yanks out bomb and match* You were saying?
Samuel: With the exception of Danielle, of course.
Danielle: ^_^
John: I got an idea. I'll block her attacks, you guys knock the snot out of her.
Rest: *Nod nod*
John: Now, everybody has to get inside the head.
*At Lon Lon Ranch*
Malon: *In body cast* Oooo ooo ooooooo...ooooo oooo ooooooo...
Navi: I MUST GET TO LIIIIIIIINK!
Malon: *Mouth wide open* Ooooooo oooo-*GULP* Eee! Eee! Can't breathe! Can't ooo-ooo anymore! *Falls over* X_X
Navi: *Crawls out of mouth* Wrong turn. *Listens to scream of fear coming from Spirit Temple* MUST SAVE LIIIIIINK!
*Back at the Spirit Temple, after everyone has been taken inside the head*
All: *Stand in front of door with Boss Lock on it*
Samuel: Wait just a minute. Who has the Boss Key?
Rest: *Look around*
John: Forget this. *Punches door, door falls over*
All: *Come pouring in*
Kotake and Koume: YE FOOOOOOOLS! YE INTRUDE! PREPARE TO FACE DE IRON KNUUUUUUUCKLE!
John: Now hold on a second. Let us think about this for a second, and get equipped. THEN you can let us face the Iron Knuckle.
Kotake and Koume: Er...okay...
Everyone: *Huddles*
John: What all do we have for weapons?
Charity: I have some Light Arrows...but you're not supposed to know that yet.
Samuel: I got a couple toothbrushes, and the HEROIC TOOTHPICK!
Danielle: I have two bombs left. Two. I got two. ONLY TWO!
Kristin: I have my Pointy Deku Stick!
Danielle: It's dull. Kristin: NO MORE SHARPIEEEE! *Bursts into tears* Anywho, and I'm outta darts.
John: I'm out of arrows. My shotguns are in the truck...I just have my sword and shield.
All: *Look around*
Charity: There's weapons on the walls!
All: *Evil grin*
*Ten minutes later, they huddle again*
John: Now what do we have?
Charity: I have some armor...and a bow and some arrows.
Samuel: I have two Gerudo swords, and...AN UPGRADED HEROIC TOOTHPICK!
Danielle: I reloaded my bombs, and two short swords.
Kristin: I've reloaded my darts...and an UPGRADED POINTY DEKU STICK! Never dulls! Made at Pointy Deku Sticks That Never Dull R Us! ^_^
John: I have some chain mail...I've reloaded my quiver. And two knives. Are we ready guys?
Everyone: *Brandish weapons* Let's go.
John: *Turns to Koume and Kotake*
Koume and Kotake: *Sipping tea and reading Witches Digest*
John: Now we are ready to fight.
Koume and Kotake: Goodie! *Throw tea against wall* Oh loyal Miiiiiiiiinion!
Giant Iron Knuckle (GIK): *Walks in*
John: Okay, remember the plan. I block, you guys hit. Capiece?
Rest: *Nod*
Kristin: I'll lead the charge! FEAR THE UPGRADED PDS! *Charges*
*Kristin leads the charge with a resounding battle cry. As she brings the PDS against the armor, she promptly bounces off, hit's the far wall, and slides down.*
Kristin: Ouch. @_@
John: Charity, stay back and barrage it with arrows. We'll go in.
Rest Excluding Charity and Kristin: *Charge*
GIK: *Swings axe, hits all three with one stroke*
*Arrows clink all over GIK's armor*
GIK: *Turns and charges Charity*
Charity: AH!
John: Catch! *Throws Nayru's Love at Charity*
Charity: *Catches it, and uses it*
GIKL: *Screeches to a halt, pokes at Blue Diamond* Eh? O_O?
Charity: HAHA! *Sticks out tongue*
Danielle: *Leaps on top of GIK, sinks swords into GIK's head*
GIK: Aaaaaiieeee!!! @_@ *Rears back*
Charity: *Shoots arrow, hits GIK's unprotected neck*
Danielle: *Falls off GIK*
GIK: *Groans, falls over*
Cherri: *Emerges from armor* It's about time! I was stuck in there watching Gilligan's Island reruns! _
John: Well, it wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world...
Koume and Kotake: HHOOOO! You have defeated our MIIIIIIIIINION of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES! We must have her BACK! *Both shoots beams at Cherri*
Cherri: AH! O_O
John: *Leaps into path of beams, and raises Mirror Shield of DEATH, DOOM AND MI-(Gets slapped)*
*Beams bounce back at Koume and Kotake, hitting them. They vanish*
Kristin: Alright, where'd they go?!
*Heart Container appears*
All: O_O
John: They're DEAD?!
Floppy Disk: Moooommmaaa! 0_0 *Grabs Heart Container*
All: *Disapear*
*And there you go! See you next time!*