*Title: As We Are
*Author: Jania Jitsu
*Disclaimer: "Dear Diary: Jo wouldn't give me Siri and Remy AGAIN today. That just... UGH! She makes me SO. MAD. I mean, HONESTLY. ANYONE can see that they belong together... in my house. On a different note, have written another part to my S/R slash fic. Go me!"
*Feedback: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com
*Summary: In an alternate universe, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus to go to Hogwarts.
*IMPORTANT NOTE: Uh, please just keep in mind that a lot of the description of Remus is from Sirius's point of view and Sirius's description is from Remus's POV. They tend to glorify each other, especially Sirius, the little poet. (*wink*wink*giggle*)
***
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. --Ambrose Bierce
** Part Four ** You Are the Mystical-Eyed Virgin **
Sirius smiled a perfectly fake smile. "Hi, Rosmerta. What's up?"
"*I* should be asking *you* that! What're you doing hanging outside here kicking at my walls?"
"Well, you're closed, you see, and I was kind of looking for someone."
"Here? After closing time? Who?"
"Uh... yeah. Well, it's that blond-haired fellow who works for you. I had to--to ask him something."
Madam Rosmerta narrowed her eyes and her tone got harsher than Sirius had ever heard it. "You leave that boy alone, Sirius Black. He's got enough problems without you messing with him for how he is."
Sirius was about to ask what in hell she was talking about when a voice called out, "Madam Rosmerta?" and the angel himself appeared.
Sirius nearly gasped, and any doubts he'd had before disappeared. He was... beautiful. He had a dark, knit cap over his tousled hair and a raggedy brown jacket wrapped around his thin body. His breath came out in clouds and his cheeks were pink with the cold-- it was December and the snow was falling around them.
Their eyes met, and Sirius found that he was having trouble breathing. The angel had beautiful amber eyes that were almost as golden as his hair. The angel tilted his head to one side, as if trying to figure out something.
"Hello," the angel said in his strange, ethereal voice.
"He came to talk to you," Madam Rosmerta said, her voice a little distrusting.
Sirius didn't get it. She knew him! They were friends. What was it that she thought he was going to do to this boy? Apparently the angel thought something along Madam Rosmerta's lines, but his face showed more worry and fear than distrust.
"I have to go home, now," the angel said carefully.
Sirius did not feel cautious at all. Sirius was impulsive and desperate.
"Where do you live?" he demanded. "I'll walk you there. ...I mean, I really need to talk to you," he added after a second, "and I don't know what it is that you and Rosy are afraid of me doing or saying, but I promise I'll try not to."
"All right," the angel agreed after a hesitation.
"Lupin?" Rosmerta called out before they left. He went to her and she handed him something; Sirius couldn't see what.
"It's a Portkey," the angel explained with a grin, and Sirius was surprised that the snow around them hadn't melted. "It goes back here. She gets worried about me when I walk home."
"Oh. I'm not going to hurt you," Sirius assured him.
"Oh. Thank you."
They were silent for a moment while Sirius got up his nerve and the angel waited for him to say something.
"So... Lupin? Is that what Rosy said your name is?"
"Remus Lupin."
Sirius attempted a casual nod. "Right. Cool name. Mine's Sirius Black. Is there a Romulus?"
"My twin brother. He died when we were four."
Sirius winced. "Oh. Sorry."
"It's all right."
"So, are you related to Rosmerta?"
"No," he said, as if this were all perfectly normal, "all my relatives are either dead or just don't care."
"Damnit, I suck at this!" Sirius cursed.
The angel-- Remus Lupin, that is-- laughed, which made Sirius feel a *little* better. "It's all right!" he repeated. "But you'll have to tell me whatever it is you wanted to tell me, because we're standing in front of my home right now and it's awfully late."
"Right, Remus Lupin. I don't know where you're from, or how old you are--"
"Seventeen."
Sirius was taken aback. "Really?"
"Yes, but I doubt that's the point here."
"Right. It's not. The point is that... well, I don't know much about you at all, and you know nothing about me, except for what Rosy probably told you."
"Trouble in Muggles' clothing," Remus recited.
Sirius paused for a moment and laughed. "Seriously? Is that what she said? Well, I'm really not that bad. That is, I don't break laws... often... and I don't get caught even if I do-- oh, damnit, I *really suck* at this!"
He was rewarded with another laugh. "How about this:" Remus said, "I'll shut up and you say outright whatever it is you have to say."
"Okay," Sirius said, shifting from foot to foot.
He looked up at his angel named Remus, who was looking up at him expectantly; his cheeks rosy and face solemn.
"Umm, see, the thing is... the thing is that... IthinkImightloveyou."
Remus's face was now confused. "Pardon?"
"*Pleeeeeease* don't make me repeat that!" Sirius moaned.
"No, I honestly couldn't understand you. You were talking awfully fast, and to your glove."
Sirius closed his eyes and tried again, but he couldn't speak slowly, so he ignored his fear and did the only other thing he could think of: he leaned forward and kissed Remus.
It was electric; tantalizing him and, despite the fact that it was still freezing outside, Sirius felt warm inside and out. Most amazing of all was that Remus was responding! They were less than inches apart, gloved hands lightly grazing each other's faces and hair.
Finally, Sirius forced himself to pull away.
"I. Love. You."
This time he said it just slowly enough.
***
Remus was taken aback for a moment. Trouble, whose name was actually Sirius Black, had just said... what?
The wolf (who was generally buried deep inside Remus at this time of the month) was practically jumping around like a hyperactive child inside Remus's mind.
And all he could manage to say was, "Oh."
"'Oh'? What does 'Oh' mean?"
"'Oh' means... 'Oh'."
"Well, is it a 'yes' kind of 'Oh' or a no kind of 'Oh'?"
Remus thought about it for what seemed like forever. This boy obviously didn't know about the wolf. Oh, the wolf knew about *him*-- the wolf wanted to make Sirius its mate. But Remus wasn't so sure.
He took a deep breath.
"That's an 'I really don't think we should be doing this' kind of 'Oh'."
He opened the door of the ratty little apartment complex and went inside. He shut the door behind him, carefully not looking at Sirius. Remus could imagine his heartbroken face just fine without having to see it.
Besides, if he did look back he might not ever leave.
***
End Part Four.
***
End Notes: Title from one version of "Tribute" which is by Tenacious D, of course!