Everything Important

Chapter Thirteen: Rogue's Video – 2nd Showing

He spoke suddenly, and with great passion. "Live your life baby, be happy, find love and indulge yourself in it. Wrap yourself up in like silk sheets made of joy, and don't ever let anyone take it away." The tear rolled down his face and he wiped it away quickly.

"And … dress sexy – at my funeral." He paused. "For me." He forced another smile, moved one hand, and the screen went to static.

"Wow." Kurt said softly, turning to face Rogue.

She nodded quietly and avoided his eyes.

"Vhy did you show this to me?" He asked in a hushed tone. "The Professor obviously isn't telling anyone what really happened. " Just that he died of self-poisoning – and he lets us believe it was from his mutation. Kurt shook his head. He didn't want to understand.

He turned away from the TV screen. It made him feel ill.

"Because Ah needed someone." She said softly. "Someone who knows the truth – who can understand for real."

And Kurt straitened where he sat.

"Can you tell me what you think? Ah feel so close to the whole thing that I don't know what to think." She shook her head sadly.

"I can't tell you what to think." He said slowly. "And I wouldn't want to."

"Ah know." She said. "But Ah trust your judgement and Ah feel like Ah'm drowning Kurt." Her eyes seemed to plead with his soul.

"I think … " He said cautiously, as though trying to figure it out without speaking. "No." He decided. "What I think doesn't matter." He said. "So you tell me."

He looked her in the eye and took her by the arms so that she couldn't pull away.

"He really loved you, didn't he?" He looked her in the eye and she nodded slowly. "How do you know?" He asked her again.

"He showed me. In a million little ways." She said. "And then, before it happened, he … he touched me."

"So you know for certain how he felt?" Kurt asked, gauging her reaction.

"Yes." She said quickly.

He nodded. "And he still wanted you? Wanted to be with you and live."

She was beginning to cry and trying to pull away. Everything she had gotten from Abair in that touch was emotional. Not a memory, a thought, or so much as an image. Even the Professor had told her that he was hard to discern on a psychic level. But she did know exactly how he felt.

She closed her eyes and nodded to him.

"And you're sure?" Kurt spoke and she opened her eyes, to see him searching her for answers.

He loosened his grip on her and she wiped her face.

"You're sure." Kurt said finally. "And since you're sure, then he wanted to live …"

He shuddered and she reached for him out of concern.

"This vas a sacrifice." He said softly afraid to meet her eyes. "A human … sacrifice."

And Rogue wrapped hr arms around Kurt's shoulders from behind while he sat on the edge of her bed.

"And I cant help …" Kurt fought the words. "If it had been me …" And Rogue tightened her grip on Kurt.

"You would have trusted the Professor Kurt. " She told him. "And if you weren't satisfied with the system or the security you would have fixed it or made Xavier fix it." She was shaking in rage. "Because you have family and commitments. And don't you dare ever think otherwise about it Kurt. Not ever."

He wrapped his hands around hers. "Of course." He said apologetically. :What I meant …"

She nodded, and he realized he didn't need to say any more.

Kurt swallowed. "I can see dying – for the people you love." He said awkwardly.

"And this is a lot like that." He told her. "More than being selfish – this vas selfless."

Rogue hugged him tighter.

"He was preserving life, not avoiding it." He continued.

He shook his head roughly. "I could hate him for this." He said softly and harshly. "If not for the math - two thirds of all air breathing mammals." He sighed heavily.

Then he looked at Rogue.

"Do you think that Albert Einstein regretted his part in making the A-bomb?" Kurt asked her. "He vas German you know, like me." He nodded. "And I remember thinking once that it was terribly unfair that he made a discovery and then had to watch it kill innocent people by the thousands."

He stared at her with a plain and blank look.

"Do you think, if he had known what would happen, that he could have gone ahead and made the bomb work anyway?"

Rogue shook her head. "Ah don't know." She said softly.

"I would respect him more – if he had known - and kept the solution to himself." Kurt smiled weakly. "And this is very similar." He sighed the word.

And Rogue tightened her arms around Kurt's neck and held him as close and as carefully as she could. "Ah keep swinging between anger and pride and selfishness and …" She swallowed.

"And loss." He finished for her. "I know." He kissed her gloved hand and held it tight. "I know."