Chapter 5: The Many Faces of Luke.
The following night, Lorelai was sitting at the kitchen table paying bills when she heard the front door bang open. She glanced at the clock on the wall then called out, "I sure hope that's my sweetie, and not some strange man."
"It's me," she heard Luke's voice reply.
"Ohh, it's a strange man. Help me. Help me!" Lorelai said, playfully.
When Luke walked into the kitchen, carrying bags from Doose's Market, she changed her tune, "Oh, you brought food."
"Yeah," Luke replied, "I picked up a few things."
Lorelai stood up and gave him a quick peck and said, "I wondered why you were so late."
"Sorry."
"No problem. Need help?"
"Thanks."
Lorelai took a bag from Luke and put it on the table, while Luke placed his on the counter. As Lorelai started to unpack the groceries, she asked, "Did you pick up anything else?"
Luke looked at her, quizzically and asked, "No, was I supposed to?" But before Lorelai could respond, realization hit Luke, as he said, "I was supposed to pick up your dry cleaning! I'm sorry."
"No big deal," Lorelai answered. "I'll get it tomorrow."
"Damn it, what was I thinking about?" Luke said, a little louder that required.
"Really, it's fine. I can do it tomorrow or Saturday."
"No," Luke answered, a little too firmly, "I was supposed to do it. I'll do it now." As Luke started for the door, he said, "Damn it, how could I forget that?"
"Luke, that's okay," Lorelai said, but when he didn't stop she moved towards him. When she neared him, she stopped him with a hand on his arm and said, "Luke, it's no big deal, I'll take care of it tomorrow."
"Are you sure? Cause I can still make it before they close."
"No, it's fine."
Luke nodded and said, "I'm sorry, Lorelai. I don't know what I was thinking."
As they returned to unloading their bags, Lorelai said, "Carson Timmons called earlier."
"Who?"
"Carson Timmons, from the magazine."
"Which magazine?"
"International News Magazine. You know, Rachel's magazine."
"Oh," Luke responded, a little more calmly that Lorelai expected. "What did he want?"
"He, aaa…" Lorelai paused before she continued, "He was just aaa, just calling about funeral arrangements. The funeral is Saturday at 2 o'clock in Dayton. I wrote the details down, they're over by the phone. I also called and got some information about flights and air fare. It's there too."
"Why?" Luke asked, while he put a couple of item in the refrigerator.
"Why? So you can go to the funeral."
Luke shrugged and replied, "I'm not going."
"Luke, you need to go."
"Why?"
"It's called closure. I think that if you go to the funeral, it'll help you move on."
"I moved on a long time ago."
"I'm beginning to think you didn't," Lorelai said as she pulled a jar of peanut butter from her bag.
Luke spied the jar and asked, "What's that?"
Lorelai looked where he pointed and replied, "It's peanut butter."
Luke grabbed the jar from her hand and said, "It's the smooth peanut butter, Rory likes the crunchy kind. Damn it."
"She won't mind."
Luke began pacing as he spoke, "She's Rory, so she won't say anything, but what's she going to think when she sees smooth peanut butter when she likes chunky?"
"She's going to think, 'Hey, look there's food in the house. Cool.'"
"Damn it!"
"Luke, it's no big deal."
"It's a very big deal," Luke said, the anger starting to rise in his voice again.
"It's just peanut butter."
"It's the wrong peanut butter," Luke said, pointing at the jar.
"Luke," Lorelai said, "I'm beginning to think this is about more than Rory and getting the wrong kind of peanut butter."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you and your… issues."
Luke put one hand on his hip and asked, "What does that mean, issues?"
"It means that there is something bothering you and we both know what that is."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Luke declared.
"I think you do, you just won't admit it," Lorelai replied.
They stared at each other for a moment, the tension rising with the silence. Finally, Luke nodded and said, "Rachel, I should have known. I can't understand why you are so worked up over someone who I dated years ago, and who's not even alive anymore."
"Luke, I'm not the one with the problem here."
"I keep telling you that I'm fine. What possible reason could you have for saying that?"
"I'm saying that because you are having a meltdown over of a jar of peanut butter and forgotten dry cleaning."
Luke held up the jar and said, "This is not just a jar of peanut butter, this sends a message."
"What kind of message can a jar of peanut butter send?" Lorelai asked.
"She's going to think that we don't care. That I couldn't do one simple thing to show I cared. She's going to think that…"
Luke halted his rant, realization coming to him. He sat the jar on the table, grabbing the back of a chair for support, while lowering his chin to his chest. When he didn't speak, Lorelai walked over and put a gentle hand on his back and asked, "Think what, honey?"
"That I didn't care. She died and thought I didn't care," Luke said, with his head still hanging down.
It broke Lorelai's heart to see Luke in such pain. Desperately trying to reassure him she said, "Oh, Luke, she didn't think that. I'm sure of it."
"How the hell could you know that?!" Luke yelled standing up and turning on Lorelai, anger in his eyes. He hesitated for a second then snatched the jar of peanut butter from the table and hurdled it into the corner where the glass shattered, allowing the contents to splatter across the floor and wall.
Silence hung in the room as Luke stared at the mass of peanut butter for a long moment, an expression of disbelief over his outburst on his face. Eventually, he sank back into a chair, burying his face in his hands, while his body trembled with the subsiding rage.
Lorelai moved to kneel next to Luke. She leaned her head against his arm, while she rubbed his back.
When Luke looked up, he said, "Lorelai, I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that."
"I know, sweetie. It's okay."
Luke shook his head, and said, "I just don't know what's the matter with me."
Lorelai smiled sadly and then said, "Honey, there's nothing wrong with you, it's called grief, and it's normal."
Luke looked at Lorelai and for the first time noticed the tears running down her cheeks. But what bothered him more than the tears was the look on her face. Instead of the anger or fear that he would have expected in that situation he saw something that made him pause. He saw pity. He couldn't stand her looking at him like that. But he was determined not to take his rage out on Lorelai.
He reached out and pulled her head close, planting a kiss on her forehead. "You've been so good to me lately and I've been such a jerk."
She leaned her head against his chest and said, "I understand."
After a moment, Luke stood up and said, "I… ah…I need some time to think, so I'm going to take a shower."
"Okay."
He started out of the kitchen, but stopped, pointed at the glass and peanut butter and said, "I'll clean that up later, okay?"
Tears still running down her cheeks, Lorelai smiled at him, and said, "Okay."
As Luke passed from sight Lorelai wanted to run after him to try and comfort him, but she knew that he needed to figure things out for himself. When she heard Luke begin to climb the stairs, she walked to the pantry and pulled out a broom and dust pan. As she stared down at the ruin of the peanut butter, she couldn't help but wonder if anything else was going to end up ruined before this was over. The thought made her sick to her stomach.
The following night, Lorelai was sitting at the kitchen table paying bills when she heard the front door bang open. She glanced at the clock on the wall then called out, "I sure hope that's my sweetie, and not some strange man."
"It's me," she heard Luke's voice reply.
"Ohh, it's a strange man. Help me. Help me!" Lorelai said, playfully.
When Luke walked into the kitchen, carrying bags from Doose's Market, she changed her tune, "Oh, you brought food."
"Yeah," Luke replied, "I picked up a few things."
Lorelai stood up and gave him a quick peck and said, "I wondered why you were so late."
"Sorry."
"No problem. Need help?"
"Thanks."
Lorelai took a bag from Luke and put it on the table, while Luke placed his on the counter. As Lorelai started to unpack the groceries, she asked, "Did you pick up anything else?"
Luke looked at her, quizzically and asked, "No, was I supposed to?" But before Lorelai could respond, realization hit Luke, as he said, "I was supposed to pick up your dry cleaning! I'm sorry."
"No big deal," Lorelai answered. "I'll get it tomorrow."
"Damn it, what was I thinking about?" Luke said, a little louder that required.
"Really, it's fine. I can do it tomorrow or Saturday."
"No," Luke answered, a little too firmly, "I was supposed to do it. I'll do it now." As Luke started for the door, he said, "Damn it, how could I forget that?"
"Luke, that's okay," Lorelai said, but when he didn't stop she moved towards him. When she neared him, she stopped him with a hand on his arm and said, "Luke, it's no big deal, I'll take care of it tomorrow."
"Are you sure? Cause I can still make it before they close."
"No, it's fine."
Luke nodded and said, "I'm sorry, Lorelai. I don't know what I was thinking."
As they returned to unloading their bags, Lorelai said, "Carson Timmons called earlier."
"Who?"
"Carson Timmons, from the magazine."
"Which magazine?"
"International News Magazine. You know, Rachel's magazine."
"Oh," Luke responded, a little more calmly that Lorelai expected. "What did he want?"
"He, aaa…" Lorelai paused before she continued, "He was just aaa, just calling about funeral arrangements. The funeral is Saturday at 2 o'clock in Dayton. I wrote the details down, they're over by the phone. I also called and got some information about flights and air fare. It's there too."
"Why?" Luke asked, while he put a couple of item in the refrigerator.
"Why? So you can go to the funeral."
Luke shrugged and replied, "I'm not going."
"Luke, you need to go."
"Why?"
"It's called closure. I think that if you go to the funeral, it'll help you move on."
"I moved on a long time ago."
"I'm beginning to think you didn't," Lorelai said as she pulled a jar of peanut butter from her bag.
Luke spied the jar and asked, "What's that?"
Lorelai looked where he pointed and replied, "It's peanut butter."
Luke grabbed the jar from her hand and said, "It's the smooth peanut butter, Rory likes the crunchy kind. Damn it."
"She won't mind."
Luke began pacing as he spoke, "She's Rory, so she won't say anything, but what's she going to think when she sees smooth peanut butter when she likes chunky?"
"She's going to think, 'Hey, look there's food in the house. Cool.'"
"Damn it!"
"Luke, it's no big deal."
"It's a very big deal," Luke said, the anger starting to rise in his voice again.
"It's just peanut butter."
"It's the wrong peanut butter," Luke said, pointing at the jar.
"Luke," Lorelai said, "I'm beginning to think this is about more than Rory and getting the wrong kind of peanut butter."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you and your… issues."
Luke put one hand on his hip and asked, "What does that mean, issues?"
"It means that there is something bothering you and we both know what that is."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Luke declared.
"I think you do, you just won't admit it," Lorelai replied.
They stared at each other for a moment, the tension rising with the silence. Finally, Luke nodded and said, "Rachel, I should have known. I can't understand why you are so worked up over someone who I dated years ago, and who's not even alive anymore."
"Luke, I'm not the one with the problem here."
"I keep telling you that I'm fine. What possible reason could you have for saying that?"
"I'm saying that because you are having a meltdown over of a jar of peanut butter and forgotten dry cleaning."
Luke held up the jar and said, "This is not just a jar of peanut butter, this sends a message."
"What kind of message can a jar of peanut butter send?" Lorelai asked.
"She's going to think that we don't care. That I couldn't do one simple thing to show I cared. She's going to think that…"
Luke halted his rant, realization coming to him. He sat the jar on the table, grabbing the back of a chair for support, while lowering his chin to his chest. When he didn't speak, Lorelai walked over and put a gentle hand on his back and asked, "Think what, honey?"
"That I didn't care. She died and thought I didn't care," Luke said, with his head still hanging down.
It broke Lorelai's heart to see Luke in such pain. Desperately trying to reassure him she said, "Oh, Luke, she didn't think that. I'm sure of it."
"How the hell could you know that?!" Luke yelled standing up and turning on Lorelai, anger in his eyes. He hesitated for a second then snatched the jar of peanut butter from the table and hurdled it into the corner where the glass shattered, allowing the contents to splatter across the floor and wall.
Silence hung in the room as Luke stared at the mass of peanut butter for a long moment, an expression of disbelief over his outburst on his face. Eventually, he sank back into a chair, burying his face in his hands, while his body trembled with the subsiding rage.
Lorelai moved to kneel next to Luke. She leaned her head against his arm, while she rubbed his back.
When Luke looked up, he said, "Lorelai, I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that."
"I know, sweetie. It's okay."
Luke shook his head, and said, "I just don't know what's the matter with me."
Lorelai smiled sadly and then said, "Honey, there's nothing wrong with you, it's called grief, and it's normal."
Luke looked at Lorelai and for the first time noticed the tears running down her cheeks. But what bothered him more than the tears was the look on her face. Instead of the anger or fear that he would have expected in that situation he saw something that made him pause. He saw pity. He couldn't stand her looking at him like that. But he was determined not to take his rage out on Lorelai.
He reached out and pulled her head close, planting a kiss on her forehead. "You've been so good to me lately and I've been such a jerk."
She leaned her head against his chest and said, "I understand."
After a moment, Luke stood up and said, "I… ah…I need some time to think, so I'm going to take a shower."
"Okay."
He started out of the kitchen, but stopped, pointed at the glass and peanut butter and said, "I'll clean that up later, okay?"
Tears still running down her cheeks, Lorelai smiled at him, and said, "Okay."
As Luke passed from sight Lorelai wanted to run after him to try and comfort him, but she knew that he needed to figure things out for himself. When she heard Luke begin to climb the stairs, she walked to the pantry and pulled out a broom and dust pan. As she stared down at the ruin of the peanut butter, she couldn't help but wonder if anything else was going to end up ruined before this was over. The thought made her sick to her stomach.