Cruel Beauty
Chapter Eight
Numb
I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface.
Don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.
Every step I take is another mistake to you—Linkin Park
It was on that day that I realized that in his own way, Draco truly cared about me. He led me into an empty alley and tried his best to comfort me. Although, his comfort was mostly telling me to try and pull myself together before someone saw me. But that is all I could hope to expect from Draco, he's a Malfoy, and he always has been. He never had a loving family who made up silly nicknames and played with him; he couldn't possibly understand why remembering these things would make me cry.
I cried for the person that I was, and the person that I can never even hope to be. I was once a Weasley; I made myself accept that now. I couldn't just block out my past—I had been a Weasley, I had loved them and they had returned my love and affection. I was now an Evansole, though, and nothing would ever change that. I was too cold, too like Velena now to ever again return to my Weasley status.
After I had my emotions in check Draco and I walked around and occasionally went into shops. He told me about the ridiculous things that his father went on about and asked me weird questions about my family. He was curious, for some reason, about how far my family bloodline could be traced and if we had any history of psychological problems.
By the time that the sun was starting to descent I found that I was exhausted—letting your emotions boil over after about five years of keeping them hidden is draining. I thanked Draco and flooed home. Once I arrived I saw Velena sitting in front of the fireplace with a horrid expression on her flawless face. Her ice blue eyes were unusually dark and she seemed to be struggling to compress her anger. This could not be good.
"Sit down, Ginevra."
I sat. I opened my mouth to speak but thought better of it.
She turned to face me, forcing me to look right into her eccentric eyes. "How was your day, Ginevra?"
I treaded lightly, she was sneaky and extremely possessive, and she could have had someone following me today. "It was fine."
A sly almost catlike look came across her features, "You didn't run into anyone interesting?"
She knew. I couldn't lie to her; whenever I tried she always called me on it. I quickly ran the different repercussions to each response through my head, none of them turned out well for me. "I'm not sure how interesting they are, but I came across some Weasleys." There, an insult to the family before I told her I had seen them should smooth things over a little.
She smiled, and her smiles were never a good sign. She let out a small laugh and her eyes grazed over me as if she saw exactly who I was, and found it humorous. I felt fear washing over me like a title wave; perhaps I had spoken too soon on not being terrified of my aunt anymore. I had underestimated her, and I knew that I would have to pay for that mistake.
"Ginevra, do you think that you can hide things from me?" Rhetorical question, I told myself. She continued, her voice was as smooth as silk and more frightening then any yelling could be. "They made you cry? You are pathetic. You cried and carried on in public, do you have any idea how weak that makes you look?" Her voice was starting to raise and lose the nice tone that it had with each question that she asked. "Do you have any idea how weak that makes me look? You disgust me; perhaps I should have just left you with them." She gave me a hard look, "Tell me something Ginevra, why are you so ungrateful towards me? I took you in when you had no other place to go, I have clothed you, fed you, and put a roof over your head; and this is how you repay me, by embarrassing our good name in public?"
This was one question that she did expect an answer to. "I'm sorry that I lost my composure in public, I wasn't prepared to be faced with my past."
The demonic look on her face lessened some, "I suppose that I had something to contribute to that, I had underestimated your relationships with your older siblings." I nodded. "Ginevra, it will do you no good to relish on the past; you are a different person now, and they are as well. The little girl who they adored so much is now an Evansole, whom they hate. I know that you think that my ways are cruel, but it is the only way for survival."
She left me alone by the fireplace and I sat there for hours thinking about everything in my life. She was right; I was a different person now. They may think that they want their sister back, but once they saw how I was they wouldn't love me anymore; just look at how quickly my four brothers at Hogwarts gave up on me. I spent the rest of my break trying to numb my feelings; they wouldn't do me any good.
When I returned to Hogwarts my respect for Velena had grown some. She was the only option for me at the moment; without her I would be alone, my other family would never accept me. I realized later, though, that this was all in her plan. She knew when I came back from my first term at Hogwarts that my need for her had lessened, and she couldn't have that. She needed me to rely on her, plain and simple.
I became slightly closer to Draco as the year progressed; it was nice to have someone who understood. He had no alternative life to choose either, the Malfoys were an ancient family with ancient beliefs, if Draco tried to break away from those he would most likely be disposed of.
Classes continued the same way that they had been, I had gotten perfect scores on all of the exams that I took before Christmas and I had yet to find a real challenge in any class. It was obvious that none of the other students liked me, they thought that I was heartless, stuck-up, and vindictive; but they held the same respect for me that I held for Velena. They may have hated me for it, but they knew that I was superior to them in social standing as well as intelligence.
My brothers had not tried to communicate with me and I was extremely grateful for that, I could not have a repeat of the Three Broomsticks. Velena made me owl her every other day and she now sent me a letter once a week. I knew that she had people watching me, making sure that I was not shaming the Evansole name, so I had to be careful about everything that I did for the rest of the year.
I became a little paranoid in my thoughts of people spying on me, and had it not been for Draco, I probably would have gone mad those last few months. I came to the realization that I was becoming very dependant on Draco, but I didn't really care. As much as I used to fool myself into thinking that I didn't need anyone, I couldn't do it anymore. We were companions by default, we both needed someone to talk to or we would have drowned in our family's rules and regulations—we kept each other afloat.
After the school year ended life became more interesting than I expected. I had anticipated Velena smothering me in lectures and lessons, but she was barley around. Draco and I rotated going to each other's houses, being that they were both empty most of the summer. However, one week Velena left for Italy, informing me that I was now old enough to take care of myself. It was during this week that things got very interesting.