The Care and Keeping of Extraordinary Kittens

Jemi Gr.

A Note from the Rum Tum Tugger.

My dear, beloved fans who have most assuredly bought my book:

Here is, with love from me, the secret to the Care and Keeping of Extraordinary Kittens. Yes, I know you are all thinking the same thing: 'What makes a kitten extraordinary?' Either that, or you are thinking about my gorgeous behind or amazing good looks. ;) Well, first of all, let me say that every kitten is extraordinary, in his or her own way. They all have their special gifts and abilities. I once knew a kitten, for instance, who could scream for hours on end without having to take a single breath! Another kitten I once knew was a little Gumby Cat (no pun intended), so flexible and able to bend herself into almost any shape. I also once knew a kit that had the most beautiful voice. I knew another kit with fascinating markings. And I once knew a kit that had magical powers.

Though all of these extraordinary kittens are featured in this tale, its main focus is on one of them, and one of them only. See if you can figure out which one it is by the end. By the way, this is a true story… inspired by me and typed by my dear friend Jemima Gr, seeing as though it would be hard for me to type with no fingers (but if I had fingers, they would be gorgeous!) But now, without any further ado, I give you… The Care and Keeping of Extraordinary Kittens.

Much love,

Tugger

Chapter One: Newcomers

"Bomba!" squealed the voice of a young tom kitten right in the napping red queen's ear. Bombalurina shot awake. A little ball of black fur with tiny white feet scurried away under the table, startled by her sudden movement. At the entrance of the parlor stood the Rum Tum Tugger, grinning affectionately.

"Oh, no Tugger, I can't kitten-sit today," said Bombalurina, seeing the hopeful look on her friend's face. "Get Jennyanydots to do it. I've seen enough of this monkey to last me until I go to the Heavyside."

"Oh, come on Bomb, just for a couple hours," pleaded the Rum Tum Tugger, walking up to the stubborn red queen. "Old Deut wants me an' some others to go meet these two cats who want to join the Jellicles."

"Bring him along!" cried Bombalurina just as the black fuzz ball shot out from under the table and began climbing the curtain on the other side of the room. "Do you remember what he did to my house the last time I watched him? I wasn't allowed out of the basement for a week!"

"But your humans won't be back for another days or so," pleaded Tugger, "so you'll have time to clean up any mess he makes. And I promise I'll help. I promise. Please?"

"No!" cried Bombalurina, exasperated.

"Aw, come on, he's only a kitten, how bad could he get?"

"Obviously you haven't been around him enough to find out, always dumping the poor guy on me or Jenny or Jellylorum!" cried Bombalurina. "Take him with you!"

"Oh, and I'm sure Old Deuteronomy would like that," said the Rum Tum Tugger. "You know how Quaxo gets when every single cat in the room isn't paying attention to him…"

The crash of the curtain rod hitting the wooden floor interrupted his statement.

"He gets like that," said Tugger, trying very hard to hide his grin but failing miserably.

Bombalurina was not amused.

"Get Jennyanydots to watch him, because I'm not doing it," said Bombalurina stubbornly.

"Jennyanydots is going to be with Old Deuteronomy too."

"Jellylorum, then."

"I went to her first, but she's already watching Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, Electra, Etcetera, and Jemima," said Tugger. "When I showed up with this little monkey in my arms, she practically cried. I couldn't do that to her!"

"Skimpleshanks," said Bombalurina.

"In Carlisle."

"Bustopher Jones?"

"On vacation with his family."

"Munkustrap?"

"He's going to be at the meeting, of course!"

"Demeter?"

"Going to be with Munkustrap."

"Cassandra?"

"Not old enough."

"Gus?"

"Too old."

"Alonzo?"

"Gee, Bomba, if you hate him so much I'll take the little guy with me!" cried the Rum Tum Tugger. "He's only a kit! I never knew you were so heartless, Bomb… Come on, Quaxo! Auntie Bomba's being a meanie…"

"Bomba meanie," repeated the black and white fur ball as he crawled out from under the chair where he had dashed before the curtains fell on him.

"Yeah, that's right," said Tugger, picking up the kitten and stroking him affectionately. "Auntie Bomba doesn't want to take Quaxo. Auntie Bomba big meanie."

"Auntie Bomba not like me?" asked Quaxo, his big questioning eyes staring up at his foster father.

"That's right," said Tugger. "Auntie Bomba not like you. Auntie Bomba hate you."

"Oh, come on, Tugger, that's not true and you know it!" cried Auntie Bomba – I mean, Bombalurina.

"Well, that's certainly how you act," said the Rum Tum Tugger. "Isn't that right, Quaxo?" The kitten nodded enthusiastically. "He's just a baby, Bombalurina." ("Am not!" yelled Quaxo.) Don't you think you act rather cruel to him? ("Uh huh, cruel," repeated Quaxo.) "I only want you to watch him for a couple of hours." ("Not long.")

"Oh, you!" cried Bombalurina. "You always know just how to get what you want, don't you?"

"It's a gift," smiled Tugger.

Bombalurina sighed. "Oh, alright. I watch him this time, but only if you promise to never call me 'Auntie Bomba' again."

"Deal," said Tugger with a smile. He gently put the kitten in his arms down on the wooden floor. He immediately scampered off under the couch.

"Bye, Bomb," called Tugger with a wave of his tail.

"Bye, sweetie!" called Bombalurina. "No Quaxo! Stop that! OUCH!"

Watching the Rum Tum Tugger walk away from the house, the only bitter thought Bombalurina could come up with was 'You know, if he didn't have such a great butt I might actually be mad at him…'

*~*

"Quaxo, NO!" shouted Bombalurina angrily. Curse that Rum Tum Tugger and his ability to guilt anyone into doing anything! "Quaxo, get out of there before you break something! Find something else to play with, Quaxo… I DIDN'T MEAN MY FOOT!"

Cursing under her breath, the red queen hopped down the hall the closet in hopes of finding something she could use to bandage her now bloody paw. Being unsuccessful, she hobbled back into the parlor to discover her worst nightmare.

"Quaxo, NO! The couch is not a litter box!" shouted Bombalurina.

"Litter boxes are for wussies," shot back Quaxo indignantly. "That's what Tugger says."

"Well, you'll have to learn that sometimes it's okay not to listen to Tugger!" exclaimed Bombalurina, but it was too late. Quaxo had already continued with his… er… business on the human's new sofa.

*~*

Meanwhile, back at the Junkyard, the Rum Tum Tugger was not having nearly as much, er, fun, as Bombalurina.

"Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Coricopat and his mate, Tantomile," said Old Deuteronomy. "This is my son, Munkustrap, second in command of the Jellicle Tribe, Tribe Protector and Caretaker of the Kittens; his mate Demeter; my nephew, the Rum Tum Tugger, resident 'curious cat'; Alonzo, Munkustrap's assistant; and Jennyanydots, our very own Gumbie Cat, here representing her mate Skimpleshanks."

"He's third in command of the Jellicle Tribe," said Jennyanydots proudly. "He couldn't be here; he's off in Carlisle on business."

"So, Coricopat and Tantomile," began Old Deuteronomy, "you are interested in becoming Jellicle cats?"

"We are already Jellicle cats," said Coricopat in a quiet, solemn voice. "We are interested in making it official."

"Spoken like a true Jellicle," smiled Old Deuteronomy. The two did not return the smile. A little flustered, Old Deuteronomy continued. "So, what leads you to believe you would be at home in the Jellicle tribe?"

"We have watched you for awhile now," said Tantomile in a voice that seemed to be a female version of her mate's. "We like the way you act towards each other."

"We respect the fact that you respect everyone," said Coricopat.

"We love the way you show love," said Tantomile.

"We hope you will one day learn to respect us," began Coricopat.

"and love us too," finished Tantomile.

The Rum Tum Tugger stared at the two. They were perfectly in synch; it was as if they had planned the speech. He also noticed that the two had almost identical markings. Add in the factor that their voices were practically the same, and you had a very interesting equation indeed. Mates? Brother and sister, most likely. Twins, probably. But yet, Old Deuteronomy had said they were mates…

"Are you two mates?" blurted out Tugger, fully aware that he was interrupting Old Deuteronomy in the middle of a sentence, but he was unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

"You are curious," said Coricopat.

"Yes, we are mates," said Tantomile.

"But you look and sound so similar…" said Tugger, astonished.

"We know," said Coricopat.

"We believe ourselves to be one soul split in half," said Tantomile.

"Neither half complete…"

"…without the other."

Tugger merely smiled and nodded. Inwardly, he made a mental note to keep Quaxo away from the two soulmates, or whatever they were. He didn't need Quaxo believing in that mumbo-jumbo. Quaxo was hard enough to take care of as it was… Tugger shuddered to think of the little tuxedo kitten running right out of the front door shouting "Off find my soulmate, Tugger! Bye-bye!"

A tap on the shoulder brought the curious cat back to the present. "You best pay be paying attention!" whispered Jennyanydots' sharp voice in his ear. "The future of the Jellicle Tribe is in our paws, you don't want to miss a detail!"

However, all the details that were being spoken of were boring ones. Coricopat and Tantomile were asking Old Deuteronomy questions about the members of the Jellicle Tribe. They remarked how much they loved kittens, but were sadly unable to have any of their own… a tribe with lots of kittens to look after would be wonderful…

After what seemed like hours of droning conversation, during which the Rum Tum Tugger tried very hard not to fall asleep, Coricopat said something that caught his attention.

"It is my understanding you have a magical cat in your tribe?" asked the tom.

Old Deuteronomy shook his head. "No, no magical cats. But we do have…"

"Are you sure there's no magical cat?" asked Tantomile.

"Positive," said Old Deuteronomy. "Now, if we could turn our attention to…"

"The little black one," said Tantomile suddenly, as if she was answering a question someone had just asked. "The little black one is the magician. You have a little black cat, right?"

"No, we don't have an all black cat," said Old Deuteronomy, obviously quite exasperated.

"No, not an all black cat," said Coricopat. "Black, with white markings… on his face… on his chest… on his feet… "

The Rum Tum Tugger gasped. That sounded exactly like Quaxo! But no… it couldn't be… there were no such things as magical cats anyhow…

"No, I'm afraid we don't have a kitten like that," said Old Deuteronomy. There was a pause of silence, during which it seemed to Tugger like there was a conversation happening between the two newcomers… only they weren't speaking…

I know the kitten's here.

Of course he is, they're obviously lying.

Why would they lie about it?

Maybe they're ashamed of him.

Or maybe they just don't know about his powers yet…

Are you sure the kitten's here? Positive?

I'm positive, Tantomile… I can sense a magical cat's aura from a thousand miles away. He's here.

His aura is very faint, Cori. Perhaps he's only a little bit magical. Magical mother, normal father, or something of the sort.

No, he's definitely got a full magical aura. His parents were both magical, too, mark my words. His magic is just undeveloped, that's all. He hasn't used it yet. The question is, why his parents haven't started his magical training yet…

The Rum Tum Tugger suddenly doubled over. "Oh my word!" cried Jennyanydots. Tugger felt several pairs of strong paws on him, lifting him gently back up a sitting position. "What happened?" said Jennyanydots frantically. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" said the Rum Tum Tugger weakly. "Just a headache…"

"Do you want to go lie down?" asked Jennyanydots.

"No… I'm fine… really…" said Rum Tum Tugger. He had more important things to think about than his sudden and unexplainable headache. Had he really just heard what he thought he had just heard? The voices he had heard were clearly the voices of Coricopat and Tantomile. They weren't speaking, exactly, he just seemed to suddenly know what was being said. The weird thing was, their lips weren't moving at all…

Eyes growing wide, the Rum Tum Tugger realized what was going on. Coricopat and Tantomile… they were physic. He heard them communicating… but how? He must have tapped in to some secret physic channel… but again, how? And the cat the two described as the magician with underdeveloped powers was certainly his Quaxo… there was no other cat in the Jellicle tribe with a pattern even similar to his. It could be possible… Quaxo's true parents had abandoned him or died or something, leaving the poor tuxedo cat alone in the woods, starving. It was lucky that Tugger found him when he did. It could be possible… Quaxo could be the one…

No, thought Tugger desperately. My Quaxo is not a magician… there are no such things as magical cats… and that is final!

Tugger lifted himself out of his thoughts just in time to hear Old Deuteronomy say warmly, "Well, Coricopat and Tantomile, welcome to the Jellicle Tribe."

Munkustrap, Demeter, Jennyanydots, Alonzo, and Deuteronomy clapped appropriately for the two cats. Tugger forced a clap or two but was too stunned to think of anything except Quaxo… and Coricopat and Tantomile…

There are no such things as magical cats, Tugger told himself once again as he got up to leave. He would have gone back to Bombalurina's house in perfect peace had it not been for the look that Tantomile shot him just then. It was a look that quite plainly said 'I know you know, and I know what you heard,' and the Rum Tum Tugger did not like the chills it sent down his spine one bit.

*~*

Author's Notes: Ah, the things writer's block does to you, huh? I swore I wouldn't post another story until 'To the Moonlight' was finished… but I hit an unexpected writer's block about two sentences into Chapter Seven and decided to write this instead. Unfortunately, this will mean that either this fic or 'To the Moonlight' will be pushed aside for awhile… I find it hard to write more than one fic at a time. Anyway, probably expect a chapter or two more of this one before chapter seven of Moonlight, because this is so much fun to write…! Ugh, I'm rambling now. Bye.

--jemi gr 9-july-03