Metal Gear Solid 2 out takes
(Snake is walking across the verrazano bridge)
Snake: "."
Director: Ok snake, this is where you throw you're cig.
(Snake pulls cig out of his mouth, then puts it back in)
Snake: Mmmmmm. Good.
Director: Damnit Snake! Throw the damn cigarette!
Snake: But it's a Marlboro!
Director: Cut!
(Snake is once again walking across the Verrazano bridge)
Snake: .
Director: SNAKE! JUST THROW THE DAMN CIGARETTE!!
(Snake jumps off the bridge, but his cord snaps)
Snake: Oh Shiiiiiiiiii.
Director: Shit! Cut! Shit! Somebody get him!
(Snake has landed on the tanker)
Snake: This is Snake. Do you read me Otacon?
Otacon: .
Director: Where the hell is Otacon? Cut!
(Same scene)
Snake: This is Snake. Do you read me Otacon?
Otacon: Do I actually get to be seen in the game? Can you see my face?
Director: Cut! Yes Hal, they can see you!
(Snake sees a soldier's shadow and presses himself up against the wall, but
slips on the wet floor)
Snake: Fuck!
Director: Cut! Snake! You're supposed to be a professional!
(Snake jumps out from behind some crates and holds up Olga)
Snake: Freeze! Hey, I can see you're tits!
Olga: What? (looks down at shirt)
Olga: Hey, can we do something about this rain!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Snake: Freeze! Put you're hands in the air!
Olga: You Americans, you're all the same. (Lifts up arms)
Snake: Oh, shit! That is fucking sick! You're pits are hairier than my
face!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Snake: Freeze! Put you're hands in the air!
Olga: You Americans, you're all the same. (Lifts up arms)
Snake: (Ducks head) Goddamnit! That is sick!
Director: Cut! Snake, just ignore the damn pits!
(Snake enters locker room and opens locker with pin up in it)
Snake: ohhh, baby!
Director: Cut! Snake, don't say anything, damnit!
(Snake runs from a group of soldiers into the same locker)
Director: .Snake! You've been in there for ten minutes! What are you doing?
Snake: uh.uh.uh.yeah baby.uh
Director: Cut! Damnit Snake! You horny bastard!
(Snake is sneaking through hold number three)
Marine Commander: Intruder! Ugly old bastard right behind you stupid
marines!
Snake: I'm not ugly you asshole!
Director: Cut! You two resolve you're differences off the stage!
(Ocelot just betrayed Gurlukavich)
Gurlukavich: Damn you!
Ocelot: (throws jacket onto camera) Shit! My bad!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Gurlukavich: Damn you!
Ocelot: (throws jacket, but sleeve catches his arm) Damn this thing!
Director: Cut! Ocelot! I told you to work on that yesterday!
(Same scene)
Gurlukavich: Damn you!
Ocelot: (throws jacket in Gurlukavich's face) Whoops!
Director: Can we get through this scene once! Please!
(Snake accesses computer)
Snake: Hey! I like this site!
Director: Huh? Cut! Who was using the computer for porn!
(Same scene)
Snake: What the hell!
Director: What?
Snake: Someone has a site devoted to Olga's pits!
Olga: (offstage) Bastard!
Snake: Hahahaha!
Director: Cut!
(Raiden surfaces out of the water)
Raiden: Colnol, I.(Fart bubbles surface)
Director: Cut!
(Raiden sees Vamp sucking soldier's neck)
Raiden: !
Vamp: Yes, I like to suck the di.er, blood.
Raiden: You gay bastard.
Director: Cut! Stick to the script people!
(Pliskin offers Raiden a cigarette)
Raiden: Thanks. (Lights up)
Pliskin: Uhhh, right, well.damnit kid! You screwed me up!
Director: Cut! Don't take the cigarette Raiden!
(Raiden jumps in on Stillman)
Raiden: Cold!
Stillman: What?
Director: Cut! Damn you are one stupid kid!
(Raiden is searching the men's bathroom)
Raiden: (Tries to open left stall) What the hell? It's locked!
Pliskin: Buzz off kid.uh uh.daddy's takin care of.uh.uh
Director: Cut! You sick bastard! I want to get this game done with!
(Rose calls Raiden)
Rose: Jack? Do you remember when we met?
Raiden: Yeah. Last night. That was good.
Director: (to camera men) You think that will fly?
Camera Man: (Shakes head)
Director: Cut!
(Raiden is on the roof of Strut F)
Fatman: You're right on time! I like men!
Director: Cut! Its I like a punctual man!
Fatman: Oh.yeah.right.
Raiden: gay bastards everywhere.
(Raiden is fighting Fatman)
Fatman: (Slips and falls) Shit!
Raiden: Die you fat bastard! (starts unloading his socom into him)
Fatman: Ow! You can't ow! Do that! Ow!
Director: I think we can use that!
(The ninja jumps in front of Raiden)
Ninja: you passed with flying colors.
Raiden: Identify yourself!
Ninja: .
Raiden: you forgot you're lines, didn't you?
Director: Cut!
(Raiden is searching for Ames in his b.d.u.)
Raiden: (Stops in front of woman) Mom?
Director: Cut! You're looking for Ames, not you're mom you dipshit!
(Same scene)
Raiden: You're Ames, aren't you?
Vamp: I'll be whoever you want me to be, baby.
Director: Cut! Vamp! Get the hell out of this scene!
Raiden: Get the fuck away from me!
(Raiden meets the president)
Raiden: Are you ok sir?
Prez: I'm ready to face the consequences of my betrayal. (Smack Raiden's
crouch)
Raiden: (Falls on floor grasping his tool) OH FUCK!!
Prez: Oops, might have smacked it a little hard there.
Director: Cut! God I need a drink!
(Raiden is swimming through the core of shell 2)
Raiden: Oh damn, I lost my keys!( Starts searching the shell)
Raiden: Hey, whose ducky is this?
Director: Mine! Cut!
(Raiden confronts Vamp)
Raiden: Still tickin, huh?
Vamp: I just wanted to see you again, my pet.
Director: I like it, but STICK TO THE GOD DAMN SCRIPT!
(Raiden open's the locker on Emma)
Emma: (shrieks, makes a farting noise)
Raiden: What the hell was that?
Emma: Sorry, wrong hole.
Director: Sick! That is friggin sick! Cut! Cut Cut Cut!
(Same scene)
Emma: (shrieks, wets pants)
Raiden: Hey, I made Emma wet!
Director: Damnit Raiden! You always screw up just when we get it right!
(Raiden is sniping for Emma)
Raiden: Hey Emma! Duck! (Fires PSG-1 at her)
Emma: Ah! Shit! Bastard!
Snake: Raiden! You're supposed to shoot the soldiers!
Raiden: Are you kidding!? I hate that broad!
Director: Cut! That won't work!
(Raiden wakes up in torture room)
Solidus: It's been a while, hasen't it? Jack the Ripper!
Ocelot: You know this fellow?
Solidus: Actually, we just met yesterday.
Director: You people are all stupid! You can't do one scene right!
(Olga walks in to torture room)
Ocelot: A foul wind is blowing. We shall speak again.
Olga: Not much to look at, is it?
Raiden: Huh? Hey! Its cold in here!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Olga: Don't move. We're being monitored by a camera.
Raiden: Does my cock look any bigger?
Director: Cut! Damnit Raiden!
(Same scene)
Olga: Don't move. We're being monitored by a camera.
Raiden: Can you play with my cock a little to make it look bigger?
Director: Damnit Raiden! Stop worrying about you're cock!
(Snake meets Raiden in the tunnel)
Snake: It's amazing how you can run around like that.
Raiden: Snake! Help! I've got shrinkage!
Snake: Can't help you there.
Director: I've had enough of this! Raiden, you're fired!
Raiden: I've got a contract! You can't do that!
Snake: He's right sir. Don't argue with a naked man. Write that down.
(Fortune walks in on Snake and Raiden)
Raiden: Fortune.
Fortune; I've been waiting for this, Solid Snake!
Snake: Hey baby, you make my snake solid already!
Director: Cut! You horny sunofabitch!
(Raiden and Solidus are on Federal Hall)
Solidus: Jack, this is how it needs to end.
Raiden: You're such a bitch.
Solidus: Bite me you prick!
Raiden: Gimme my sword and I'll probe you!
Director: Dickheads! I'm surrounded by dickheads! Cut!
(Raiden and Snake are standing under Federal Hall)
Snake: By the way, what is that?
Raiden: Dog tags?
Snake: Anyone you know?
Raiden: .no. I'll choose my own name. I'll be Solid Snake!
Snake: No damn it! That's my name!
Raiden: I like it! I want it!
Snake: Screw you prick!
Director: Cut! God, Kojima is going to kill me for this!
THE END!
Eh, not too bad, at least I think so. This was done under the heavy
influence of caffeine, so some of the humor only I might get. Oh well, you
win some, you lose some.
(Snake is walking across the verrazano bridge)
Snake: "."
Director: Ok snake, this is where you throw you're cig.
(Snake pulls cig out of his mouth, then puts it back in)
Snake: Mmmmmm. Good.
Director: Damnit Snake! Throw the damn cigarette!
Snake: But it's a Marlboro!
Director: Cut!
(Snake is once again walking across the Verrazano bridge)
Snake: .
Director: SNAKE! JUST THROW THE DAMN CIGARETTE!!
(Snake jumps off the bridge, but his cord snaps)
Snake: Oh Shiiiiiiiiii.
Director: Shit! Cut! Shit! Somebody get him!
(Snake has landed on the tanker)
Snake: This is Snake. Do you read me Otacon?
Otacon: .
Director: Where the hell is Otacon? Cut!
(Same scene)
Snake: This is Snake. Do you read me Otacon?
Otacon: Do I actually get to be seen in the game? Can you see my face?
Director: Cut! Yes Hal, they can see you!
(Snake sees a soldier's shadow and presses himself up against the wall, but
slips on the wet floor)
Snake: Fuck!
Director: Cut! Snake! You're supposed to be a professional!
(Snake jumps out from behind some crates and holds up Olga)
Snake: Freeze! Hey, I can see you're tits!
Olga: What? (looks down at shirt)
Olga: Hey, can we do something about this rain!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Snake: Freeze! Put you're hands in the air!
Olga: You Americans, you're all the same. (Lifts up arms)
Snake: Oh, shit! That is fucking sick! You're pits are hairier than my
face!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Snake: Freeze! Put you're hands in the air!
Olga: You Americans, you're all the same. (Lifts up arms)
Snake: (Ducks head) Goddamnit! That is sick!
Director: Cut! Snake, just ignore the damn pits!
(Snake enters locker room and opens locker with pin up in it)
Snake: ohhh, baby!
Director: Cut! Snake, don't say anything, damnit!
(Snake runs from a group of soldiers into the same locker)
Director: .Snake! You've been in there for ten minutes! What are you doing?
Snake: uh.uh.uh.yeah baby.uh
Director: Cut! Damnit Snake! You horny bastard!
(Snake is sneaking through hold number three)
Marine Commander: Intruder! Ugly old bastard right behind you stupid
marines!
Snake: I'm not ugly you asshole!
Director: Cut! You two resolve you're differences off the stage!
(Ocelot just betrayed Gurlukavich)
Gurlukavich: Damn you!
Ocelot: (throws jacket onto camera) Shit! My bad!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Gurlukavich: Damn you!
Ocelot: (throws jacket, but sleeve catches his arm) Damn this thing!
Director: Cut! Ocelot! I told you to work on that yesterday!
(Same scene)
Gurlukavich: Damn you!
Ocelot: (throws jacket in Gurlukavich's face) Whoops!
Director: Can we get through this scene once! Please!
(Snake accesses computer)
Snake: Hey! I like this site!
Director: Huh? Cut! Who was using the computer for porn!
(Same scene)
Snake: What the hell!
Director: What?
Snake: Someone has a site devoted to Olga's pits!
Olga: (offstage) Bastard!
Snake: Hahahaha!
Director: Cut!
(Raiden surfaces out of the water)
Raiden: Colnol, I.(Fart bubbles surface)
Director: Cut!
(Raiden sees Vamp sucking soldier's neck)
Raiden: !
Vamp: Yes, I like to suck the di.er, blood.
Raiden: You gay bastard.
Director: Cut! Stick to the script people!
(Pliskin offers Raiden a cigarette)
Raiden: Thanks. (Lights up)
Pliskin: Uhhh, right, well.damnit kid! You screwed me up!
Director: Cut! Don't take the cigarette Raiden!
(Raiden jumps in on Stillman)
Raiden: Cold!
Stillman: What?
Director: Cut! Damn you are one stupid kid!
(Raiden is searching the men's bathroom)
Raiden: (Tries to open left stall) What the hell? It's locked!
Pliskin: Buzz off kid.uh uh.daddy's takin care of.uh.uh
Director: Cut! You sick bastard! I want to get this game done with!
(Rose calls Raiden)
Rose: Jack? Do you remember when we met?
Raiden: Yeah. Last night. That was good.
Director: (to camera men) You think that will fly?
Camera Man: (Shakes head)
Director: Cut!
(Raiden is on the roof of Strut F)
Fatman: You're right on time! I like men!
Director: Cut! Its I like a punctual man!
Fatman: Oh.yeah.right.
Raiden: gay bastards everywhere.
(Raiden is fighting Fatman)
Fatman: (Slips and falls) Shit!
Raiden: Die you fat bastard! (starts unloading his socom into him)
Fatman: Ow! You can't ow! Do that! Ow!
Director: I think we can use that!
(The ninja jumps in front of Raiden)
Ninja: you passed with flying colors.
Raiden: Identify yourself!
Ninja: .
Raiden: you forgot you're lines, didn't you?
Director: Cut!
(Raiden is searching for Ames in his b.d.u.)
Raiden: (Stops in front of woman) Mom?
Director: Cut! You're looking for Ames, not you're mom you dipshit!
(Same scene)
Raiden: You're Ames, aren't you?
Vamp: I'll be whoever you want me to be, baby.
Director: Cut! Vamp! Get the hell out of this scene!
Raiden: Get the fuck away from me!
(Raiden meets the president)
Raiden: Are you ok sir?
Prez: I'm ready to face the consequences of my betrayal. (Smack Raiden's
crouch)
Raiden: (Falls on floor grasping his tool) OH FUCK!!
Prez: Oops, might have smacked it a little hard there.
Director: Cut! God I need a drink!
(Raiden is swimming through the core of shell 2)
Raiden: Oh damn, I lost my keys!( Starts searching the shell)
Raiden: Hey, whose ducky is this?
Director: Mine! Cut!
(Raiden confronts Vamp)
Raiden: Still tickin, huh?
Vamp: I just wanted to see you again, my pet.
Director: I like it, but STICK TO THE GOD DAMN SCRIPT!
(Raiden open's the locker on Emma)
Emma: (shrieks, makes a farting noise)
Raiden: What the hell was that?
Emma: Sorry, wrong hole.
Director: Sick! That is friggin sick! Cut! Cut Cut Cut!
(Same scene)
Emma: (shrieks, wets pants)
Raiden: Hey, I made Emma wet!
Director: Damnit Raiden! You always screw up just when we get it right!
(Raiden is sniping for Emma)
Raiden: Hey Emma! Duck! (Fires PSG-1 at her)
Emma: Ah! Shit! Bastard!
Snake: Raiden! You're supposed to shoot the soldiers!
Raiden: Are you kidding!? I hate that broad!
Director: Cut! That won't work!
(Raiden wakes up in torture room)
Solidus: It's been a while, hasen't it? Jack the Ripper!
Ocelot: You know this fellow?
Solidus: Actually, we just met yesterday.
Director: You people are all stupid! You can't do one scene right!
(Olga walks in to torture room)
Ocelot: A foul wind is blowing. We shall speak again.
Olga: Not much to look at, is it?
Raiden: Huh? Hey! Its cold in here!
Director: Cut!
(Same scene)
Olga: Don't move. We're being monitored by a camera.
Raiden: Does my cock look any bigger?
Director: Cut! Damnit Raiden!
(Same scene)
Olga: Don't move. We're being monitored by a camera.
Raiden: Can you play with my cock a little to make it look bigger?
Director: Damnit Raiden! Stop worrying about you're cock!
(Snake meets Raiden in the tunnel)
Snake: It's amazing how you can run around like that.
Raiden: Snake! Help! I've got shrinkage!
Snake: Can't help you there.
Director: I've had enough of this! Raiden, you're fired!
Raiden: I've got a contract! You can't do that!
Snake: He's right sir. Don't argue with a naked man. Write that down.
(Fortune walks in on Snake and Raiden)
Raiden: Fortune.
Fortune; I've been waiting for this, Solid Snake!
Snake: Hey baby, you make my snake solid already!
Director: Cut! You horny sunofabitch!
(Raiden and Solidus are on Federal Hall)
Solidus: Jack, this is how it needs to end.
Raiden: You're such a bitch.
Solidus: Bite me you prick!
Raiden: Gimme my sword and I'll probe you!
Director: Dickheads! I'm surrounded by dickheads! Cut!
(Raiden and Snake are standing under Federal Hall)
Snake: By the way, what is that?
Raiden: Dog tags?
Snake: Anyone you know?
Raiden: .no. I'll choose my own name. I'll be Solid Snake!
Snake: No damn it! That's my name!
Raiden: I like it! I want it!
Snake: Screw you prick!
Director: Cut! God, Kojima is going to kill me for this!
THE END!
Eh, not too bad, at least I think so. This was done under the heavy
influence of caffeine, so some of the humor only I might get. Oh well, you
win some, you lose some.