Dear Diary,
Yesterday went nicely...Severus and I sat together, talking about many things as he ridiculed me for my unyielding optimism on all the subjects I so passionately spoke of. It was like I was with Sirius again. A shorter haired, not-as-handsome, colder Sirius... But it didn't matter. I felt just the same for him...But wasn't Padfoot supposed to be around the school? I had only hoped he hadn't seen me...I had forgotten any doubts by the morning
I walked past Severus on the way to the Great Hall for breakfast and then stopped. I turned around and so did he. I smiled and he smirked nonchalantly. I shook my head and kept walking, raising my hand behind me as a greeting. At the Staff Table he sat next to me, making me blush. He put a hand on my back, and I blushed even more, my ears turning crimson.
Once the meal ended I sought out Professor Trelawny. I desprately needed some lunar charts and Professor Binns had run out, apparently. I walked up many flights of stairs until I came to a dead end. I looked over at the left wall, seeing the old misplaced brick that when tapped with a wand would cause half the stones to disappear, revealing a door into Zonko's. James claimed to have dug the tunnel with a spoon. We never believed him.
I grinned and turned left, searching the ceiling for the gray string to pull on and open the trapdoor above me. I pulled on it, a silver ladder extending from the hole. I climbed up the ladder and turned around to see that Professor Trelawny was teaching a class.
"See, students! I told you we would be having a visitor anytime now! Enter, please, Remus. Sit down, I will be with you in a moment," she said in what would be a very mysterious voice, had I not heard her before. Walking across the clouded room, I searched for an empty chair as I saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione waving at me. I smiled and waved back, hearing Hermione say:
"She never said we would be having a visitor."
I smiled and sat down in a pink pouf, slowly sinking into the bowels of the piece of furniture. In a few seconds I was in a very curious position indeed. I looked as if the chair were eating me. I coughed, trying to get out of it as the students who had been watching me instead of Professor Trelawny laughed at my feeble attempt. I waved weakly and gestured for them to "shh! Pay attention to Professor Trelawny!!"
She had finished giving instructions, and luckily hadn't heard any of the comments said while I was there, apparently, because she came over to me with her beady smile.
"What can I do for you, young Remus?"
I smiled at this. She still called me 'young Remus'. She was my old Divination teacher, and was fond of me since I was the only silent one of our group and never hindered her with contridicting comments. Sirius always brought a laugh when he did so, his anecdotes had always been very clever, but she seemed to hate it.
"Well, Professor Trelawny--"
"Oh, please, Remus! I'm no longer your teacher! Call me Sibyll. "
"Er--Sibyll," I felt so weird saying this, just like calling Dumbledore "Albus" or McGonagall "Minerva", "I was wondering if you happened to have any Lunar Charts? I figured because you were starting that unit with the Sixth Years about the astrolo---"
"Oh, Remus, how did you know about that? It seems I have taught you how to use your Inner Eye!!"
I only smiled at this, in truth: The reason I knew was because the Sixth Years complained to me about how terrible it was. I didn't dare say this, of course. She seemed so proud of herself.
"Learned from the master! But, if I may be more to the point, may I have a copy of one of the charts?"
"Certainly, Remus! I'll be right back..." She went into her cupboards and brought out a roll of paper, resembling the ones we used. But, of course, she had bewitched them to follow the moon's phases of recent. I looked down at them gratefully and smiled back up at her. "Oh, Remus, would you care for a nice Crystal Gaze? Maybe we could read for eachother, or I could just read your fut--" My ears went red. What if she found out about Severus and I? No way, can't stay here.
"Thanks, Professor Trelawny!!"I said, quickly walking out the door before I could pretend to have not heard her.
I searched for December's Full Moon, to see that it was a week away. I ran to Severus's room during the passing period after Lunch. I knocked on the door, and he answered. I smiled and sighed.
"Severus, i have a fav--"
He pulled me inside, shutting the door behind me. I looked at it, figuring he would lock it like Sirius did whenever he pulled me inside somewhere. I looked at him with wide eyes as he sat me down in a chair next to his in front of the fire. (He had a fireplace...?)
"Yes, Remus?"
"Severus..."
"Yes, Remus?" he repeated, seeming a bit annoyed, but not quite.
I laughed. "Sorry, I was a bit---Anyhow, have you looked at the Lunar Charts lately?"
"That time of the month again?" I looked at him with a smirk. He laughed. "You know what I mean."
"Yes, within a week."
"Then I'll get started, shall I?" He stood up, walking to his cauldron and adding various ingrediants. I watched as he added everything with a quick elegance, seeming to know the potion by heart. I watched as he pulled out a knife and brought it to his arm. I stood up immediately.
"What are you doing!?"
He looked at me. "Making the potion. You want it , don't you?"
'But...with that knife? What are you using the knife fo---" I was cut short by the sound of the dagger scraping across his forearm. I recoiled, seeing him put his blood into the concoction, making it turn a sickly purple. His own blood...such pain showed on his face....all for me? I couldn't stand seeing him like this. I walked over to him, looking in his eyes, black and fathomless once more. I really wish that right now I had the capability to read his mind as his eyes looked into mine. He smirked painfully.
"I love that innocent expression you wear so often," he said, laughing a bit at my eyes, wide with sadness and horror. "You look just like you always have...Beautifu---"
"You know how to fix your arm, don't you?" I interrupted, looking at his arm, raising my wand over it. "...Herios..." I muttered, his wound closed, keeping my eyes on his.
"...I knew how to do that, Remus. I'm not entirely inadequete at Charms, you know." He reached for a goblet and poured some of the terrible potion into the cup, offering it to me. I knocked it away, looking at it mockingly as it spilled over the floor. I shook my head and walked by to the chair by the fire, bringing my knees to my chin and let the tears freely stream down my face as I stared into the fire. I was hideous...A terrible creature....And I had led Severus into making something that hurt him just to help me in my horrific state...I had drank his blood in the potion that calmed me so much...
He came over to me, looking at me pitifully. I swallowed, trying to wipe my tears away with my sleeve. He caught my hand and knelt down;still holding it he looked at my eyes once more. He kissed my hand as if I was royalty, and smirked. 'It's fine, Remus," he said soothingly as he came forward to me, gazing at me as he came closer and closer, making me lose my breath. I swallowed and he was at last near to me, close enough for a kiss. His lips brushed against mine, making me shudder. I closed my eyes as he embraced me, kissing me, holding me, comforting me, making me feel I was...human.
Severus...I am sorry.
Remus.
Dear Diary,
I awoke in a strange room. The sheets were a dark green silk, and the room was lavished with green and black wall paper. The silver furniture stood elegantly and sparcely across the room. I turned over and saw a black haired head and coughed.
I was sleeping in Severus's bed...?!?!?!
I looked down at myself, seeing that I still wore pants. Oh, okay. Good. So nothing happened?
I don't think that anything happened.... I placed my finger on Severus's back and ran down it, making him squirm. I laughed and pulled the hair off his neck, blowing on his neck. He immediately grabbed a pillow and put it over his head. I smiled and lay back down, staring at the ceiling, trying to remember what happened last night...
I remember when Severus backed away from me...
"Remus...you need the potio--"
"Severus...I can't. I'd rather return to the Shrieking Shack and tear myself apart limb from limb as a hideous creature, a werewolf...than take that....that potion..." I closed my eyes again, trying to connect with him again, to feel those emotions, the warmth he gave me. He pushed me away.
"You're not hideous. Listen to me, I won't have you mutilating yourself any more, okay?" He walked over to the cauldron and picked up the spilled cup, poured another gobletful and handed it to me. "Remus, drink." I looked at him for a while and then down at the goblet. My heart sank as I saw a red tint to the concoction, and I bit my lip. I couldn't bear it. I hated everything about myself. I hated the fact that Severus loved me and had to mutilate himself for me once a month just so I would be "safe". I looked at his arm, still bared, full of fresh scars from this year. I felt my eyes watering again, I closed my eyes and turned away. He stood up and came to me and kissed me, then quickly drew away and put something else to my lips, a hot rush of liquid that's taste resembled that of Nyquil and blood. I opened my eyes, but the cup was drained. He put on an evil sort of smirk at me and put the cup behind him.
"You cheap bas--"
"I had to get it down somehow."
I looked at him with a bit of anger and stood up, walking to the fireplace. I could still taste the Wolfsbane on my lips, I licked it off and wiped my tongue with my sleeve, trying to get the thick, disgusting flavor off. He made a derisive noise.
'Now you hate me?" he cried scornfully.
I pondered the question, trying to pick my words carefully. "I don't hate you, Sevvy--" He smiled at this--"yes, I made a nickname for you, but...I'm perfectly fine with you. It's me...It's the whole idea. The big issue."
"There's nothing to be worried about. I don't care, you shouldn't care. You are too thoughtful, too analytical, Remus. You really ought to not do that any more..." He came to me and looked into the fire, which started to reduce since when I came in. " I just couldn't stand you...doing things how you used to. You always were so weary at classes, and yet you had to do so much, most of your work was extra credit. You made things tough on yourself...And now that I have the chance to loosen things up for you, I'm gonna take it. And I demand you to comply. For me, at least--take the damn potion and fricken' like the affects!!!"
I laughed meekly. He turned around and raised his eyebrows. "Got it?" I nodded, not daring to deny my "master".
I can't remember anything after that until now. I looked at Severus on his side, a black "wife-beater" hanging loosely on his back. He had always been naturally thin. I looked down at myself, no shirt on--Severus, you creep-- and brown pajama pants. I shook my head, feeling a bit cold I pondered the idea of cuddling up to Severus, wrapping my arms around him and feeling his warmth. I considered it for a while, and testing my courage, slowly crept across the bed to him, putting my right arm over his shoulder and resting it on his stomach. My skin felt the ribbed cotton of the shirt he wore, and I smiled. He was warm. I closed my eyes in happiness and rested my head near his middle back. He groaned and shook his shoulders slightly, searching for my hand and holding it. I grinned and dug my face into his back. Severus laughed.
We stayed like that for a couple hours as he and I slept on. When I awoke I was alone, a teddy bear in my arms instead of Severus. I got up and walked over to Severus's bathroom, smoothing back my hair and looking down at my scarred stomach. Severus laughed as I looked at myself thoughtfully.
"Ego-maniac."
I turned around quickly and reached for a towel to cover myself up with. Nervously, I wrapped it around my bared skin. He laughed once again, reaching up to pull the towel off against my will.
"How did you ever get such hard abs, Remus?" He asked, his hand going towards my mid-stomach and running a finger down it until he reached my largest scar across my lower abdomen. "And all these scars all over your stomach. I hope you understand why I am forcing you to use the potion now."
I smiled, blushing furiously. "I made tea, come. Today you'll have a Severus Snape specialty for breakfast. No more of that Elf food."I bit my lip and followed him.
Remus.
Yesterday went nicely...Severus and I sat together, talking about many things as he ridiculed me for my unyielding optimism on all the subjects I so passionately spoke of. It was like I was with Sirius again. A shorter haired, not-as-handsome, colder Sirius... But it didn't matter. I felt just the same for him...But wasn't Padfoot supposed to be around the school? I had only hoped he hadn't seen me...I had forgotten any doubts by the morning
I walked past Severus on the way to the Great Hall for breakfast and then stopped. I turned around and so did he. I smiled and he smirked nonchalantly. I shook my head and kept walking, raising my hand behind me as a greeting. At the Staff Table he sat next to me, making me blush. He put a hand on my back, and I blushed even more, my ears turning crimson.
Once the meal ended I sought out Professor Trelawny. I desprately needed some lunar charts and Professor Binns had run out, apparently. I walked up many flights of stairs until I came to a dead end. I looked over at the left wall, seeing the old misplaced brick that when tapped with a wand would cause half the stones to disappear, revealing a door into Zonko's. James claimed to have dug the tunnel with a spoon. We never believed him.
I grinned and turned left, searching the ceiling for the gray string to pull on and open the trapdoor above me. I pulled on it, a silver ladder extending from the hole. I climbed up the ladder and turned around to see that Professor Trelawny was teaching a class.
"See, students! I told you we would be having a visitor anytime now! Enter, please, Remus. Sit down, I will be with you in a moment," she said in what would be a very mysterious voice, had I not heard her before. Walking across the clouded room, I searched for an empty chair as I saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione waving at me. I smiled and waved back, hearing Hermione say:
"She never said we would be having a visitor."
I smiled and sat down in a pink pouf, slowly sinking into the bowels of the piece of furniture. In a few seconds I was in a very curious position indeed. I looked as if the chair were eating me. I coughed, trying to get out of it as the students who had been watching me instead of Professor Trelawny laughed at my feeble attempt. I waved weakly and gestured for them to "shh! Pay attention to Professor Trelawny!!"
She had finished giving instructions, and luckily hadn't heard any of the comments said while I was there, apparently, because she came over to me with her beady smile.
"What can I do for you, young Remus?"
I smiled at this. She still called me 'young Remus'. She was my old Divination teacher, and was fond of me since I was the only silent one of our group and never hindered her with contridicting comments. Sirius always brought a laugh when he did so, his anecdotes had always been very clever, but she seemed to hate it.
"Well, Professor Trelawny--"
"Oh, please, Remus! I'm no longer your teacher! Call me Sibyll. "
"Er--Sibyll," I felt so weird saying this, just like calling Dumbledore "Albus" or McGonagall "Minerva", "I was wondering if you happened to have any Lunar Charts? I figured because you were starting that unit with the Sixth Years about the astrolo---"
"Oh, Remus, how did you know about that? It seems I have taught you how to use your Inner Eye!!"
I only smiled at this, in truth: The reason I knew was because the Sixth Years complained to me about how terrible it was. I didn't dare say this, of course. She seemed so proud of herself.
"Learned from the master! But, if I may be more to the point, may I have a copy of one of the charts?"
"Certainly, Remus! I'll be right back..." She went into her cupboards and brought out a roll of paper, resembling the ones we used. But, of course, she had bewitched them to follow the moon's phases of recent. I looked down at them gratefully and smiled back up at her. "Oh, Remus, would you care for a nice Crystal Gaze? Maybe we could read for eachother, or I could just read your fut--" My ears went red. What if she found out about Severus and I? No way, can't stay here.
"Thanks, Professor Trelawny!!"I said, quickly walking out the door before I could pretend to have not heard her.
I searched for December's Full Moon, to see that it was a week away. I ran to Severus's room during the passing period after Lunch. I knocked on the door, and he answered. I smiled and sighed.
"Severus, i have a fav--"
He pulled me inside, shutting the door behind me. I looked at it, figuring he would lock it like Sirius did whenever he pulled me inside somewhere. I looked at him with wide eyes as he sat me down in a chair next to his in front of the fire. (He had a fireplace...?)
"Yes, Remus?"
"Severus..."
"Yes, Remus?" he repeated, seeming a bit annoyed, but not quite.
I laughed. "Sorry, I was a bit---Anyhow, have you looked at the Lunar Charts lately?"
"That time of the month again?" I looked at him with a smirk. He laughed. "You know what I mean."
"Yes, within a week."
"Then I'll get started, shall I?" He stood up, walking to his cauldron and adding various ingrediants. I watched as he added everything with a quick elegance, seeming to know the potion by heart. I watched as he pulled out a knife and brought it to his arm. I stood up immediately.
"What are you doing!?"
He looked at me. "Making the potion. You want it , don't you?"
'But...with that knife? What are you using the knife fo---" I was cut short by the sound of the dagger scraping across his forearm. I recoiled, seeing him put his blood into the concoction, making it turn a sickly purple. His own blood...such pain showed on his face....all for me? I couldn't stand seeing him like this. I walked over to him, looking in his eyes, black and fathomless once more. I really wish that right now I had the capability to read his mind as his eyes looked into mine. He smirked painfully.
"I love that innocent expression you wear so often," he said, laughing a bit at my eyes, wide with sadness and horror. "You look just like you always have...Beautifu---"
"You know how to fix your arm, don't you?" I interrupted, looking at his arm, raising my wand over it. "...Herios..." I muttered, his wound closed, keeping my eyes on his.
"...I knew how to do that, Remus. I'm not entirely inadequete at Charms, you know." He reached for a goblet and poured some of the terrible potion into the cup, offering it to me. I knocked it away, looking at it mockingly as it spilled over the floor. I shook my head and walked by to the chair by the fire, bringing my knees to my chin and let the tears freely stream down my face as I stared into the fire. I was hideous...A terrible creature....And I had led Severus into making something that hurt him just to help me in my horrific state...I had drank his blood in the potion that calmed me so much...
He came over to me, looking at me pitifully. I swallowed, trying to wipe my tears away with my sleeve. He caught my hand and knelt down;still holding it he looked at my eyes once more. He kissed my hand as if I was royalty, and smirked. 'It's fine, Remus," he said soothingly as he came forward to me, gazing at me as he came closer and closer, making me lose my breath. I swallowed and he was at last near to me, close enough for a kiss. His lips brushed against mine, making me shudder. I closed my eyes as he embraced me, kissing me, holding me, comforting me, making me feel I was...human.
Severus...I am sorry.
Remus.
Dear Diary,
I awoke in a strange room. The sheets were a dark green silk, and the room was lavished with green and black wall paper. The silver furniture stood elegantly and sparcely across the room. I turned over and saw a black haired head and coughed.
I was sleeping in Severus's bed...?!?!?!
I looked down at myself, seeing that I still wore pants. Oh, okay. Good. So nothing happened?
I don't think that anything happened.... I placed my finger on Severus's back and ran down it, making him squirm. I laughed and pulled the hair off his neck, blowing on his neck. He immediately grabbed a pillow and put it over his head. I smiled and lay back down, staring at the ceiling, trying to remember what happened last night...
I remember when Severus backed away from me...
"Remus...you need the potio--"
"Severus...I can't. I'd rather return to the Shrieking Shack and tear myself apart limb from limb as a hideous creature, a werewolf...than take that....that potion..." I closed my eyes again, trying to connect with him again, to feel those emotions, the warmth he gave me. He pushed me away.
"You're not hideous. Listen to me, I won't have you mutilating yourself any more, okay?" He walked over to the cauldron and picked up the spilled cup, poured another gobletful and handed it to me. "Remus, drink." I looked at him for a while and then down at the goblet. My heart sank as I saw a red tint to the concoction, and I bit my lip. I couldn't bear it. I hated everything about myself. I hated the fact that Severus loved me and had to mutilate himself for me once a month just so I would be "safe". I looked at his arm, still bared, full of fresh scars from this year. I felt my eyes watering again, I closed my eyes and turned away. He stood up and came to me and kissed me, then quickly drew away and put something else to my lips, a hot rush of liquid that's taste resembled that of Nyquil and blood. I opened my eyes, but the cup was drained. He put on an evil sort of smirk at me and put the cup behind him.
"You cheap bas--"
"I had to get it down somehow."
I looked at him with a bit of anger and stood up, walking to the fireplace. I could still taste the Wolfsbane on my lips, I licked it off and wiped my tongue with my sleeve, trying to get the thick, disgusting flavor off. He made a derisive noise.
'Now you hate me?" he cried scornfully.
I pondered the question, trying to pick my words carefully. "I don't hate you, Sevvy--" He smiled at this--"yes, I made a nickname for you, but...I'm perfectly fine with you. It's me...It's the whole idea. The big issue."
"There's nothing to be worried about. I don't care, you shouldn't care. You are too thoughtful, too analytical, Remus. You really ought to not do that any more..." He came to me and looked into the fire, which started to reduce since when I came in. " I just couldn't stand you...doing things how you used to. You always were so weary at classes, and yet you had to do so much, most of your work was extra credit. You made things tough on yourself...And now that I have the chance to loosen things up for you, I'm gonna take it. And I demand you to comply. For me, at least--take the damn potion and fricken' like the affects!!!"
I laughed meekly. He turned around and raised his eyebrows. "Got it?" I nodded, not daring to deny my "master".
I can't remember anything after that until now. I looked at Severus on his side, a black "wife-beater" hanging loosely on his back. He had always been naturally thin. I looked down at myself, no shirt on--Severus, you creep-- and brown pajama pants. I shook my head, feeling a bit cold I pondered the idea of cuddling up to Severus, wrapping my arms around him and feeling his warmth. I considered it for a while, and testing my courage, slowly crept across the bed to him, putting my right arm over his shoulder and resting it on his stomach. My skin felt the ribbed cotton of the shirt he wore, and I smiled. He was warm. I closed my eyes in happiness and rested my head near his middle back. He groaned and shook his shoulders slightly, searching for my hand and holding it. I grinned and dug my face into his back. Severus laughed.
We stayed like that for a couple hours as he and I slept on. When I awoke I was alone, a teddy bear in my arms instead of Severus. I got up and walked over to Severus's bathroom, smoothing back my hair and looking down at my scarred stomach. Severus laughed as I looked at myself thoughtfully.
"Ego-maniac."
I turned around quickly and reached for a towel to cover myself up with. Nervously, I wrapped it around my bared skin. He laughed once again, reaching up to pull the towel off against my will.
"How did you ever get such hard abs, Remus?" He asked, his hand going towards my mid-stomach and running a finger down it until he reached my largest scar across my lower abdomen. "And all these scars all over your stomach. I hope you understand why I am forcing you to use the potion now."
I smiled, blushing furiously. "I made tea, come. Today you'll have a Severus Snape specialty for breakfast. No more of that Elf food."I bit my lip and followed him.
Remus.