Author's Note: Hello! Wow! People like my story? WOW! Hehe, sorry, I just
hope I found something I'm good at for once!! Well---For all you people who
loathe seeing so much Snape (I agree, I just think it would help the plot
development!) I have a little surprise for you. This chapter contains
SPOILERS, so if you haven't read the 3rd book the whole way through---WHY
NOT!? IT'S WONDERFUL!! READ IT NOW, or suffer a death I like to call
"Ferrets and hot wax". You can guess what it is. Also--Thanks to EVERYONE
who reviewed me! I really needed it! I love you guys! *saultes* And now,
for more of Remus's Diary!
DISCLAIMER:I can't believe I forgot this! IDIOT=ZIA!! Okay, all of these characters and some of the plot is J.K.Rowlings, who IS your god. None of these characters are mine, although I sorely wish Remmie and Sirius were all my own. *smiles evilly* That'd be fun.
Dear Diary,
I was walking down the hall after I left Lunch today and a hand grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me into what seemed to be an empty dungeon. There was no light and I, stupidly enough, didn't reach for my wand to illuminate the room. The hand let go of me but I didn't move. I was frozen.
"Gave up on me, Remus?" said a hoarse and dead voice of someone I used to know. My ears perked up in alarm as he pulled my wand out of my belt and lit a lamp---SIRIUS! I looked at him, the frail, ghostlike shell of the exuberant and strong Padfoot I once knew. I could feel a shout of joy/confusion/dispair/hope rising in my throat, but it had suddenly dried up. I just looked at him. "Oh, don't look at me like that Remus! You hafta know it wasn--You probably don't, huh? Well, listen, I got more important matters to discuss with you, Remus J. Lupin. What's with this--this SEVERU--"
I suddenly found my voice. "SIRIUS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?! DON'T YOU KNOW THA--"
"Shut UP, Remus!! You're gonna get us caught." He shut me up with his hand and slowly moved to the edge of the room, listening for anyone who was coming. He came back and put a silencing spell around us, making our voices only heard by us. He started to pace. "Gods, I wish James gave us the Invisibilty cloak....''
I stared at him for a while, letting the whole thing pass over me until I once again was able to speak, this time in more of a whisper. "Sirius...What are yo--"
"Okay! I'll admit it! I was spying on you. Yeah, okay, that's a load off my concience--"
"SPYING ON M--"
"Yeah! Remus! I couldn't help it! I read the papers and saw that you were gonna be the new Professor and.....Remus, I am undeniably proud of you, but- --" He walked up to me and stood directly above me, his face a split between menacing and worried. Why was he--"SEVERUS? I mean---I saw you near the Lake and at first I denied that you kissed HIM, but then I saw you and him and--"
"Sirius!"
"I mean, literally, how could you fall for--"
"SIRIUS!!"
"Yeah, what!? Oh, listen, Remus, don't call me ridiculous and all that shi-- "
"Sirius, why are you even here? I shouldn't be talking to you! The dementors will find you and---Sirius, how could you even do all that? And Harry---" I stood up, still shorter than he, but trying to look as mean as I could "--You. Leave. Harry. Alone."
"Harry? This has nothing to do with Harry! This is between me, you, and the Mop. Moony...I thought that even though I was gone that you wouldn't--I mean, my attempts weren't hopeless, were they?"I heard footsteps approaching. I turned around, both out of fury, sadness, and worry. Sirius was here....He was in front of me and I couldn't say everything I had wanted to say so badly. That he had screwed all of us just so he could have a name on the Dark Side. That he killed James. That it was all his fault, and if he dared touch a hair on Harry's head (no pun intended) that I would have hesitation in sending him back to Azkaban or even to the Dementors. That he killed me just like he killed James and Peter. And that...and that I still loved him...."Remus....Remus, please---talk to me. You don't believe---you don't believe them, do you? It wasn't ME----Remus? Remus, listen! I can explain it all!"
I turned back to him. "What do you mean, Sirius...?"
"I mean that it wasn't me! I mean that it was Peter! Wormtail screwed us all over, not me! I left at the last minute because I thought that Wormtail's supreme love for James would prove strong, that even thought they'd come looking for me they wouldn't find out anything. And Peter-- Peter told them--"
I shook my head. "Dammit, Sirius..."
"I'm telling the truth! Please! Remus, please, PLEASE believe me!"
"Okay, Sirius, then WHY ARE YOU HERE? You AREN'T just here to see me, that was never the case."
" What else!? For Peter! He's here, Moony. He's not in his human form, you know. He may be an idiot, but he's got a good thing going for him right now...I'm sure I can change tha---"
"You've gone insane, just like all the prisoners. And I won't try to trust you any more. I won't lie to myself..." I started to cry again. God, I am pathetic...Sirius saw me and I quickly turned away. He came around to me and wrapped and arm around me, bringing another, embracing me. I opened my eyes and tried to get away, I couldn't stand it anymore. I stopped and dropped my head on his shoulder, sobbing.
"Remus....Please, I beg of you...trust me...believe me... Just this once..." he whispered to me, making me feel so mixed.
"I still love you, Remus....even if you don't love me."
He seemed to disappear and I was left hugging air. He apparated....to where? I don't know... Probably somewhere he could transfigure himself into that big, black dog he always liked....
A very mixed Remus.
Dear Diary,
I can't get my mind off everything Sirius spoke about. He seemed rather angry with me and yet...so comforting. So...yeilding. He...he can't be telling the truth. Peter is dead, dammit....But it brought a question to my mind...
"Why would Siri ever do this...."
I guess the answer lies in the future...in evidence unfound, lies to be broken...And...And hopefully I can learn the truth about all this?....Hopefully...
On an even heavier note, the full moon is within 1 days...On Christmas night....What a terrible time to have this event take place...Severus promised me he'd get me a present as long as I make him one. "Make him one"? I have no idea what he likes!!....A pet, maybe? ....He'd hate me forever if I gave him more responsiblity :) But then again....it might soften him up, having a little animal in his arms during the many nights he spent alone....
I stood up from my chair and strode out of my office. Since it was the Winter Holidays I figured I could get away with going to Hogsmeade and trying to buy him a furry companion. My head filled with little notions about what to buy him and how he'd react. So many thoughts popped into my head, each as humorous as the next. I finally came to the store, a large stone one with the hanging sign "Frankinsence's Magical Animal Shop" that had a small picture of a dog carved into it's reddish wood. I entered through the door, a small bell chiming as I did so and walked around the store. I spotted many creatures. Small mice and rats with sleek coats, little puppies with all kinds of color fur, owls with shimmering feathers and a rather regal look about them, toads and frogs happily croaking in a small pond at the back, along with many mystical animals I never considered as pets, but looked extremely domestic. I smiled and walked past all these, considering them, but discarding the ideas of Severus having one of each. I at last came to the kittens.
I looked at them, a orange tabby, a white persian, a grey shorthaired, a little rag-doll cat, a British Blue-cream (which looks rather uptight) and at last my eyes rested on one that stood apart from the others. Sitting on the windowsill was a tiny black kitten with forest-green eyes. I smiled at it, and walked up to it, petting it soothingly and looking at it. It seemed perfect! Sevvy would love it! I picked it up and walked to the counter, setting it down. The young witch looked at me.
"Ah, that's Leviathan. He's a cutie, huh?" I nodded, looking affectionately at the small kitten. Leviathan? A sea serpent...Good!!! "Christmas gift?" I nodded once again, smiling. "Ah, well, that'll be 12 Galleons, please." I put the money on the counter and picked up the cat, walking out of the store. When I came back to Hogwarts I sneaked into Severus's chamber and looked around to see if anyone was there, and when it was confirmed that the room was empty I tied a ribbon around the cat's green collar and set it underneath his Christmas tree with a little note on the ribbon stating "To Severus, from your secret admirer", hoping he'd get the joke. I left the room and went back to my own. Merry Christmas Eve!! Remus
Dear ???,
I dunno what to call you. "Diary" seems a bit...I dunno, feminine. I'll think of something.
Anyway, today's the day after Christmas, what James used to call the gloomiest day of the year, since no fun holidays came until Easter. I found it rather exciting, though. Today Severus would come to me and tell me how he liked his present!!
I sneaked around the hallways, trying to keep out of sight in case Severus came by--or, even more on my mind, Sirius still spying on me. I half crawled, half sprinted to Severus's office and turned the handle slowly, creeping into the seemingly abandoned room, searching about for anyone when something small rubbed against my leg. I looked down to find Leviathan. I smiled and picked him up as he purred in my arms.
"He likes you, Secret Admirer," said a voice in my ear. I smiled and closed my eyes as Severus guided me over to the Christmas Tree he kept in the corner of his room. I sat down beside him, next to the fire and garland filled pine tree. I kept my eyes closed as he pushed a medium package into my hands.
"What is i---"
"Open it up and see, Remus."
I grinned and opened my eyes to see a bright red box with little Santas all over it. My grin became even broader as I unwrapped the package, saving the paper as a little memory. ( It was too cute to waste ) I pulled off the top of the lid to find---
New robes and a briefcase. I looked at them and down at my frayed and patched clothes, realising how completely strange I looked. I looked at Severus and he smiled.
"Well? Aren't you going to put them on, Remus? That's what they're meant for, you know.." he said, making me quickly lose that stupid look on my face and forced me to stand up. I wrapped the robe around me, tying the first two knots and leaving the rest untied. I walked to the mirror in his bedroom and turned around, looking at myself. I finally looked like a real Professor, not some raggedy old werewolf. I turned back to face the mirror and saw Severus standing at the doorway. "Lovely, Remus."
I smiled softly and walked to him for a hug.
"So, how did you like your present, Severus?
"Leviathan? He's sweet...and very small. He'll grow right? I keep getting the feeling I'm going to step on him."
I laughed. "Yes, he'll grow. Do you want some cookies? I made some...." and with that we spent the rest of the day together...:)
Remus
DISCLAIMER:I can't believe I forgot this! IDIOT=ZIA!! Okay, all of these characters and some of the plot is J.K.Rowlings, who IS your god. None of these characters are mine, although I sorely wish Remmie and Sirius were all my own. *smiles evilly* That'd be fun.
Dear Diary,
I was walking down the hall after I left Lunch today and a hand grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me into what seemed to be an empty dungeon. There was no light and I, stupidly enough, didn't reach for my wand to illuminate the room. The hand let go of me but I didn't move. I was frozen.
"Gave up on me, Remus?" said a hoarse and dead voice of someone I used to know. My ears perked up in alarm as he pulled my wand out of my belt and lit a lamp---SIRIUS! I looked at him, the frail, ghostlike shell of the exuberant and strong Padfoot I once knew. I could feel a shout of joy/confusion/dispair/hope rising in my throat, but it had suddenly dried up. I just looked at him. "Oh, don't look at me like that Remus! You hafta know it wasn--You probably don't, huh? Well, listen, I got more important matters to discuss with you, Remus J. Lupin. What's with this--this SEVERU--"
I suddenly found my voice. "SIRIUS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?! DON'T YOU KNOW THA--"
"Shut UP, Remus!! You're gonna get us caught." He shut me up with his hand and slowly moved to the edge of the room, listening for anyone who was coming. He came back and put a silencing spell around us, making our voices only heard by us. He started to pace. "Gods, I wish James gave us the Invisibilty cloak....''
I stared at him for a while, letting the whole thing pass over me until I once again was able to speak, this time in more of a whisper. "Sirius...What are yo--"
"Okay! I'll admit it! I was spying on you. Yeah, okay, that's a load off my concience--"
"SPYING ON M--"
"Yeah! Remus! I couldn't help it! I read the papers and saw that you were gonna be the new Professor and.....Remus, I am undeniably proud of you, but- --" He walked up to me and stood directly above me, his face a split between menacing and worried. Why was he--"SEVERUS? I mean---I saw you near the Lake and at first I denied that you kissed HIM, but then I saw you and him and--"
"Sirius!"
"I mean, literally, how could you fall for--"
"SIRIUS!!"
"Yeah, what!? Oh, listen, Remus, don't call me ridiculous and all that shi-- "
"Sirius, why are you even here? I shouldn't be talking to you! The dementors will find you and---Sirius, how could you even do all that? And Harry---" I stood up, still shorter than he, but trying to look as mean as I could "--You. Leave. Harry. Alone."
"Harry? This has nothing to do with Harry! This is between me, you, and the Mop. Moony...I thought that even though I was gone that you wouldn't--I mean, my attempts weren't hopeless, were they?"I heard footsteps approaching. I turned around, both out of fury, sadness, and worry. Sirius was here....He was in front of me and I couldn't say everything I had wanted to say so badly. That he had screwed all of us just so he could have a name on the Dark Side. That he killed James. That it was all his fault, and if he dared touch a hair on Harry's head (no pun intended) that I would have hesitation in sending him back to Azkaban or even to the Dementors. That he killed me just like he killed James and Peter. And that...and that I still loved him...."Remus....Remus, please---talk to me. You don't believe---you don't believe them, do you? It wasn't ME----Remus? Remus, listen! I can explain it all!"
I turned back to him. "What do you mean, Sirius...?"
"I mean that it wasn't me! I mean that it was Peter! Wormtail screwed us all over, not me! I left at the last minute because I thought that Wormtail's supreme love for James would prove strong, that even thought they'd come looking for me they wouldn't find out anything. And Peter-- Peter told them--"
I shook my head. "Dammit, Sirius..."
"I'm telling the truth! Please! Remus, please, PLEASE believe me!"
"Okay, Sirius, then WHY ARE YOU HERE? You AREN'T just here to see me, that was never the case."
" What else!? For Peter! He's here, Moony. He's not in his human form, you know. He may be an idiot, but he's got a good thing going for him right now...I'm sure I can change tha---"
"You've gone insane, just like all the prisoners. And I won't try to trust you any more. I won't lie to myself..." I started to cry again. God, I am pathetic...Sirius saw me and I quickly turned away. He came around to me and wrapped and arm around me, bringing another, embracing me. I opened my eyes and tried to get away, I couldn't stand it anymore. I stopped and dropped my head on his shoulder, sobbing.
"Remus....Please, I beg of you...trust me...believe me... Just this once..." he whispered to me, making me feel so mixed.
"I still love you, Remus....even if you don't love me."
He seemed to disappear and I was left hugging air. He apparated....to where? I don't know... Probably somewhere he could transfigure himself into that big, black dog he always liked....
A very mixed Remus.
Dear Diary,
I can't get my mind off everything Sirius spoke about. He seemed rather angry with me and yet...so comforting. So...yeilding. He...he can't be telling the truth. Peter is dead, dammit....But it brought a question to my mind...
"Why would Siri ever do this...."
I guess the answer lies in the future...in evidence unfound, lies to be broken...And...And hopefully I can learn the truth about all this?....Hopefully...
On an even heavier note, the full moon is within 1 days...On Christmas night....What a terrible time to have this event take place...Severus promised me he'd get me a present as long as I make him one. "Make him one"? I have no idea what he likes!!....A pet, maybe? ....He'd hate me forever if I gave him more responsiblity :) But then again....it might soften him up, having a little animal in his arms during the many nights he spent alone....
I stood up from my chair and strode out of my office. Since it was the Winter Holidays I figured I could get away with going to Hogsmeade and trying to buy him a furry companion. My head filled with little notions about what to buy him and how he'd react. So many thoughts popped into my head, each as humorous as the next. I finally came to the store, a large stone one with the hanging sign "Frankinsence's Magical Animal Shop" that had a small picture of a dog carved into it's reddish wood. I entered through the door, a small bell chiming as I did so and walked around the store. I spotted many creatures. Small mice and rats with sleek coats, little puppies with all kinds of color fur, owls with shimmering feathers and a rather regal look about them, toads and frogs happily croaking in a small pond at the back, along with many mystical animals I never considered as pets, but looked extremely domestic. I smiled and walked past all these, considering them, but discarding the ideas of Severus having one of each. I at last came to the kittens.
I looked at them, a orange tabby, a white persian, a grey shorthaired, a little rag-doll cat, a British Blue-cream (which looks rather uptight) and at last my eyes rested on one that stood apart from the others. Sitting on the windowsill was a tiny black kitten with forest-green eyes. I smiled at it, and walked up to it, petting it soothingly and looking at it. It seemed perfect! Sevvy would love it! I picked it up and walked to the counter, setting it down. The young witch looked at me.
"Ah, that's Leviathan. He's a cutie, huh?" I nodded, looking affectionately at the small kitten. Leviathan? A sea serpent...Good!!! "Christmas gift?" I nodded once again, smiling. "Ah, well, that'll be 12 Galleons, please." I put the money on the counter and picked up the cat, walking out of the store. When I came back to Hogwarts I sneaked into Severus's chamber and looked around to see if anyone was there, and when it was confirmed that the room was empty I tied a ribbon around the cat's green collar and set it underneath his Christmas tree with a little note on the ribbon stating "To Severus, from your secret admirer", hoping he'd get the joke. I left the room and went back to my own. Merry Christmas Eve!! Remus
Dear ???,
I dunno what to call you. "Diary" seems a bit...I dunno, feminine. I'll think of something.
Anyway, today's the day after Christmas, what James used to call the gloomiest day of the year, since no fun holidays came until Easter. I found it rather exciting, though. Today Severus would come to me and tell me how he liked his present!!
I sneaked around the hallways, trying to keep out of sight in case Severus came by--or, even more on my mind, Sirius still spying on me. I half crawled, half sprinted to Severus's office and turned the handle slowly, creeping into the seemingly abandoned room, searching about for anyone when something small rubbed against my leg. I looked down to find Leviathan. I smiled and picked him up as he purred in my arms.
"He likes you, Secret Admirer," said a voice in my ear. I smiled and closed my eyes as Severus guided me over to the Christmas Tree he kept in the corner of his room. I sat down beside him, next to the fire and garland filled pine tree. I kept my eyes closed as he pushed a medium package into my hands.
"What is i---"
"Open it up and see, Remus."
I grinned and opened my eyes to see a bright red box with little Santas all over it. My grin became even broader as I unwrapped the package, saving the paper as a little memory. ( It was too cute to waste ) I pulled off the top of the lid to find---
New robes and a briefcase. I looked at them and down at my frayed and patched clothes, realising how completely strange I looked. I looked at Severus and he smiled.
"Well? Aren't you going to put them on, Remus? That's what they're meant for, you know.." he said, making me quickly lose that stupid look on my face and forced me to stand up. I wrapped the robe around me, tying the first two knots and leaving the rest untied. I walked to the mirror in his bedroom and turned around, looking at myself. I finally looked like a real Professor, not some raggedy old werewolf. I turned back to face the mirror and saw Severus standing at the doorway. "Lovely, Remus."
I smiled softly and walked to him for a hug.
"So, how did you like your present, Severus?
"Leviathan? He's sweet...and very small. He'll grow right? I keep getting the feeling I'm going to step on him."
I laughed. "Yes, he'll grow. Do you want some cookies? I made some...." and with that we spent the rest of the day together...:)
Remus