Chapter 5:
After Gordie and Chris had stopped me at a stop sign, which I ran over, we had a 'reception', the Jess and Eyeball way. This consisted of Eyeball getting more beers and us going to the Cobra's vacant lot. Teddy and Ali went to Gordie's house to let Gordie's parents go to sleep and have a break from making sure Melanie was safe. Ace was at the lot by himself.
"Ace! Pace! Mace! Race! Lace! Face! Chase! Case!" I laughed at my rhyming.
"Well if it isn't cousin Lachance. What are you so dress up for?"
"Huh? Oh you mean the dressy wessy? Well, I went out and got married." I said looking around.
"No shit? Who'd you marry Eyeball?"
"No, I married Rich. But now I can't find Eyeball." I said continuing to look around.
"I'm right here!" Eyeball said standing next to me.
"Oh, Eyeball there you are. I got married."
"Really?"
"Yeah, to Rich."
"Damn him! I'm going to kick Rich's ass."
"No, no, no, wait. I think I married you."
"Oh, good."
"Yeah. Have you met Ace?"
"Hi Ace, I'm Eyeball and this is my wife Cynthia." Ace laughed, shaking Eyeball's hand. "No wait, this is Jessie. Cynthia is at home."
"Okay, how drunk are these two?" Ace asked Vince.
"La la la la la." I said, spinning drunkenly in the dress. Then I fell on my ass, laughing.
"I'd say pretty drunk." He answered back.
"They really got married?"
"Uh huh, can you believe it? And they have a kid." Everyone looked over to Eyeball and me, as we played hide and seek. Then we rammed our heads into each other like goats.
"These two? A kid? Together?" Ace said.
"Yeah. She's a real sweetheart too, about four years old. Her name is Melanie." Vince explained. Ace looked back to Eyeball and me. Now we were pretending to be ducks, and standing on cars, jumping off, and trying to fly.
"I can't believe I associate with these people." Ace said, staring at us making total fools of our selves. I gaped as an idea came into my head.
"Drag races! Drag races! Drag races!" I yelled, trying to stand up as best as I could.
"Yeah!" Eyeball said laughing.
"I think you two are a little too drunk for drag races." Chris said laughing, and helping me stand up.
"Don't be silly!" I said, smacking my hand on his chest. "Vroom, vroom." I said, pretending to drive with an imaginary steering wheel. "I want to drive!" I screamed.
"Jess, I'm sarcastic not stupid."
"I can drive! I am a good driver! Diver! Fiver!" Vince ignored me and continued talking to Ace. "Except I can't drive with this dumb dress!" I tore of the dress, snatched Vince's keys from his hand and drove away.
"My dress!" Elisa screamed.
"My wife!" Eyeball exclaimed.
"My car!" Vince said. They all watched my uneasy driving.
"JESS!" They screamed and piled into Ace and Gordie's cars, to chase after me.
Swerving in Vince's car, wearing nothing but really short, white silk, shorts, a matching silk corset, white high heels, and a veil, turned on the radio. The song, My Boy Lollipop came on.
"I love this song!" I said, not talking to anyone in particular. "My boy lollipop! You make my heart go giddy up! You're as sweet as candy! You're my sugar dandy! Oh, my lollipop!" I sang along, with the song blasting.
Ace, Vince, Billy, and Chris pulled up next to me, our cars speeding.
"Aw man, she's got such a pussy song on in my car!" Vince whined. Ace smacked him in the head, then viewing his eyes to the road. "Oh right. Jess! Give me back my car!" Vince yelled.
"What?! I can't hear you! The radio is too loud!" I yelled back laughing.
"Jess, this isn't funny!" The song changed to Yakity Yak.
"Yakity yak! Don't talk back!" I sang, laughing.
"Vince!" Ace called, and Vince looked in front of him to see the cliff they had careened off of many times before.
"Oh shit! Jess! You have to stop the car!" He yelled. Then someone jumped in beside me, and Ace stopped his car, just as I swerved to my left a little. I turned to see Eyeball in the passenger's seat, and Gordie quickly grabbing the wheel to his car on the other side of me. He slid over to the drivers seat and stopped his car. I laughed and kissed Eyeball.
"Maybe Eyeball will stop the car." Gordie said, getting out of his car, as did everyone else.
"Take it to the limit!" Eyeball yelled laughing and guzzled down some beer.
"Maybe not." Vince said. They all stood and watched my drunk driving, anxiously waiting for it too stop. I saw the cliff coming up.
"Hey Eyeball!" I yelled.
"Yeah?" He called back.
"Isn't that a cliff?" He looked in front of us.
"Yeah." We stared at it a moment.
"Oh shit!" I screamed and hit the breaks as hard as I could. The car slid out of control. And as we swerved uncontrollably, we screamed for our lives. I covered my face with my hands, I just couldn't see us fall off to our deaths. And then SMACK! We slammed right into a tree, causing the car to stop. I removed my hands and looked at the tree and the car.
"Oh my God. Eyeball." I said looking over at him to make sure he was okay. He was sitting stiffly, just staring at the car.
"Vince is going to kill us."
"Eyeball, we could've died!" He looked at me a long moment. Then we both started hysterically laughing. We were still laughing when everyone caught up to us.
"Jesus Jess!" Gordie said, and sighed at me laughing.
"Okay, that's enough for you." Chris said picking me up in a cradled position. I just couldn't stop laughing.
"What about my car!" Vince said, while Ace laughed. He hit Ace on the arm. "Ace, it's not funny."
"Oh don't get your panties in a twist Vince! I'll get you a new car." I said to him, resting in Chris' arms.
"Y-You?"
"Yeah, my step dad is loaded. You know my mom marries the richies. I'll get you a new one."
"You better Jess, I'm not kidding!"
"I will, I will, I will. Now, someone take me home."
"She's wiped out. Vince, you can us my car until she gets you yours, okay?" Gordie said and Vince sighed.
"Fine. Give me the little demon." Chris handed me to Vince. I wrapped my arms around Vince's neck, and did the same with my legs around his waist. I rested my head on Vince's right shoulder as he carried me back to Ace and Gordie's cars.
"It's cold. I'm cold." I whined with my eyes shut.
"Maybe if you didn't strip off the dress before, you wouldn't be so cold." Vince said. I whined more.
"Eyyyyeeeebbbbaaallllll, I'm coooollllldddd.." I whined like Melanie when she was tired. But Eyeball was already asleep in the back of Gordie's car. I made four-year-old crying noises.
"Viiinnnnccceeee." I whined. He sighed and sat be down on the trunk of the car.
"Elisa, give me the dress. I promised she won't ruin it anymore." Elisa gave Vince the wedding dress. Slowly and carefully Vince and Elisa dressed me, while I was half-asleep.
"All better?" He asked and I nodded. He laid me in the front seat of Gordie's car. Vince drove, while Gordie sat in the back with Chris and passed out Eyeball. Gordie gave Elisa a goodbye kiss, as she, Billy, and Charlie got into Ace's car.
That was the last thing I remember before I completely passed. Then I passed out in the poofy wedding dress, in the front with my shoeless feet, hanging out of the window. hanging out of the window. my shoeless feet,
After Gordie and Chris had stopped me at a stop sign, which I ran over, we had a 'reception', the Jess and Eyeball way. This consisted of Eyeball getting more beers and us going to the Cobra's vacant lot. Teddy and Ali went to Gordie's house to let Gordie's parents go to sleep and have a break from making sure Melanie was safe. Ace was at the lot by himself.
"Ace! Pace! Mace! Race! Lace! Face! Chase! Case!" I laughed at my rhyming.
"Well if it isn't cousin Lachance. What are you so dress up for?"
"Huh? Oh you mean the dressy wessy? Well, I went out and got married." I said looking around.
"No shit? Who'd you marry Eyeball?"
"No, I married Rich. But now I can't find Eyeball." I said continuing to look around.
"I'm right here!" Eyeball said standing next to me.
"Oh, Eyeball there you are. I got married."
"Really?"
"Yeah, to Rich."
"Damn him! I'm going to kick Rich's ass."
"No, no, no, wait. I think I married you."
"Oh, good."
"Yeah. Have you met Ace?"
"Hi Ace, I'm Eyeball and this is my wife Cynthia." Ace laughed, shaking Eyeball's hand. "No wait, this is Jessie. Cynthia is at home."
"Okay, how drunk are these two?" Ace asked Vince.
"La la la la la." I said, spinning drunkenly in the dress. Then I fell on my ass, laughing.
"I'd say pretty drunk." He answered back.
"They really got married?"
"Uh huh, can you believe it? And they have a kid." Everyone looked over to Eyeball and me, as we played hide and seek. Then we rammed our heads into each other like goats.
"These two? A kid? Together?" Ace said.
"Yeah. She's a real sweetheart too, about four years old. Her name is Melanie." Vince explained. Ace looked back to Eyeball and me. Now we were pretending to be ducks, and standing on cars, jumping off, and trying to fly.
"I can't believe I associate with these people." Ace said, staring at us making total fools of our selves. I gaped as an idea came into my head.
"Drag races! Drag races! Drag races!" I yelled, trying to stand up as best as I could.
"Yeah!" Eyeball said laughing.
"I think you two are a little too drunk for drag races." Chris said laughing, and helping me stand up.
"Don't be silly!" I said, smacking my hand on his chest. "Vroom, vroom." I said, pretending to drive with an imaginary steering wheel. "I want to drive!" I screamed.
"Jess, I'm sarcastic not stupid."
"I can drive! I am a good driver! Diver! Fiver!" Vince ignored me and continued talking to Ace. "Except I can't drive with this dumb dress!" I tore of the dress, snatched Vince's keys from his hand and drove away.
"My dress!" Elisa screamed.
"My wife!" Eyeball exclaimed.
"My car!" Vince said. They all watched my uneasy driving.
"JESS!" They screamed and piled into Ace and Gordie's cars, to chase after me.
Swerving in Vince's car, wearing nothing but really short, white silk, shorts, a matching silk corset, white high heels, and a veil, turned on the radio. The song, My Boy Lollipop came on.
"I love this song!" I said, not talking to anyone in particular. "My boy lollipop! You make my heart go giddy up! You're as sweet as candy! You're my sugar dandy! Oh, my lollipop!" I sang along, with the song blasting.
Ace, Vince, Billy, and Chris pulled up next to me, our cars speeding.
"Aw man, she's got such a pussy song on in my car!" Vince whined. Ace smacked him in the head, then viewing his eyes to the road. "Oh right. Jess! Give me back my car!" Vince yelled.
"What?! I can't hear you! The radio is too loud!" I yelled back laughing.
"Jess, this isn't funny!" The song changed to Yakity Yak.
"Yakity yak! Don't talk back!" I sang, laughing.
"Vince!" Ace called, and Vince looked in front of him to see the cliff they had careened off of many times before.
"Oh shit! Jess! You have to stop the car!" He yelled. Then someone jumped in beside me, and Ace stopped his car, just as I swerved to my left a little. I turned to see Eyeball in the passenger's seat, and Gordie quickly grabbing the wheel to his car on the other side of me. He slid over to the drivers seat and stopped his car. I laughed and kissed Eyeball.
"Maybe Eyeball will stop the car." Gordie said, getting out of his car, as did everyone else.
"Take it to the limit!" Eyeball yelled laughing and guzzled down some beer.
"Maybe not." Vince said. They all stood and watched my drunk driving, anxiously waiting for it too stop. I saw the cliff coming up.
"Hey Eyeball!" I yelled.
"Yeah?" He called back.
"Isn't that a cliff?" He looked in front of us.
"Yeah." We stared at it a moment.
"Oh shit!" I screamed and hit the breaks as hard as I could. The car slid out of control. And as we swerved uncontrollably, we screamed for our lives. I covered my face with my hands, I just couldn't see us fall off to our deaths. And then SMACK! We slammed right into a tree, causing the car to stop. I removed my hands and looked at the tree and the car.
"Oh my God. Eyeball." I said looking over at him to make sure he was okay. He was sitting stiffly, just staring at the car.
"Vince is going to kill us."
"Eyeball, we could've died!" He looked at me a long moment. Then we both started hysterically laughing. We were still laughing when everyone caught up to us.
"Jesus Jess!" Gordie said, and sighed at me laughing.
"Okay, that's enough for you." Chris said picking me up in a cradled position. I just couldn't stop laughing.
"What about my car!" Vince said, while Ace laughed. He hit Ace on the arm. "Ace, it's not funny."
"Oh don't get your panties in a twist Vince! I'll get you a new car." I said to him, resting in Chris' arms.
"Y-You?"
"Yeah, my step dad is loaded. You know my mom marries the richies. I'll get you a new one."
"You better Jess, I'm not kidding!"
"I will, I will, I will. Now, someone take me home."
"She's wiped out. Vince, you can us my car until she gets you yours, okay?" Gordie said and Vince sighed.
"Fine. Give me the little demon." Chris handed me to Vince. I wrapped my arms around Vince's neck, and did the same with my legs around his waist. I rested my head on Vince's right shoulder as he carried me back to Ace and Gordie's cars.
"It's cold. I'm cold." I whined with my eyes shut.
"Maybe if you didn't strip off the dress before, you wouldn't be so cold." Vince said. I whined more.
"Eyyyyeeeebbbbaaallllll, I'm coooollllldddd.." I whined like Melanie when she was tired. But Eyeball was already asleep in the back of Gordie's car. I made four-year-old crying noises.
"Viiinnnnccceeee." I whined. He sighed and sat be down on the trunk of the car.
"Elisa, give me the dress. I promised she won't ruin it anymore." Elisa gave Vince the wedding dress. Slowly and carefully Vince and Elisa dressed me, while I was half-asleep.
"All better?" He asked and I nodded. He laid me in the front seat of Gordie's car. Vince drove, while Gordie sat in the back with Chris and passed out Eyeball. Gordie gave Elisa a goodbye kiss, as she, Billy, and Charlie got into Ace's car.
That was the last thing I remember before I completely passed. Then I passed out in the poofy wedding dress, in the front with my shoeless feet, hanging out of the window. hanging out of the window. my shoeless feet,