Title: Deja Vu
Disclaimer: The characters and flashback scenes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to UPN, Joss, Fox, etc....
Distribution: Anywhere you want. Just let me know where.
Summary: Reliving the same day may be all fun and games for awhile but what happens when that hope of no tomorrow finally sinks in for Xander?
Setting: Season 5, one day before I Was Made to Love You.
Rating: This chapter is Rated R for some dark violence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hope is a dangerous thing. It can save a man of something and destroy a man with nothing."
--Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California Women's Facility
San Diego, California
2:57 P.M.
"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Lucky me," Faith said with the phone up to her ear.
"I'm sorry I'm not looking my best for ya. It just gets tiring shaving after awhile you know," he said looking through the glass at her.
"Cut to the chase. Why are you here? Oh wait. I know what this is about."
Xander raised an eyebrow at her questionably, "This is about you and your little friends coming here and giving me the big ole' speech isn't it? So B's finally decided to drop in and gloat eh? Well, go ahead, just make it fast. I'd like to take a shower and get back to my cell. Bertha from cell block three is having a card game later today and I plan on getting back my smokes. So go ahead and call Buffy and friends in here and let's get this over with," she said.
"Buffy didn't come with me. I'm alone."
The annoyance in Faith's face was quickly erased, followed by something that not even Xander caught.
"Wait, since when do you smoke?" Xander asked before seeing Faith give him a look, "Oh, right, prison talk. Gotcha."
After a few seconds of awkward silence Faith spoke, "Why are you here anyway? It can't be for the company. I mean, the last time you saw me I was..."
"Choking the life out of me. Yes, I remember the fun."
The eye contact between them was broken by her.
"Though, I do recall one good thing about our last encounter," he said watching her interest grow a bit, "I now know, I'm a lights off kind of guy."
Faith let out an exasperated breath with a smirk that only lasted a second as she quickly covered it up, "What is this? You coming here. Dropping in out of the sky like this?"
"Actually that's Angel who does the dropping out of the sky thing. I'm more of a slide across the ground with bruises guy myself."
After Faith's glare got too much for him, Xander sighed, "I had some time to kill. So I thought I'd kill it with my first time."
"Lucky me."
"Look, I thought it..." he leaned back with a sigh, "I thought it would be..."
"You thought what? That you'd march in here and I'd be all redeeming? That we'd catch up on ole' times? Is that it? Is that what you thought?"
"You know what? I came here because I felt it was the right thing to do but now I'm starting to rethink that," he said.
When Faith remained silent he continued just as he made a move to rise from his chair, "This was a mistake."
"How's Buffy doing?" Faith asked quietly.
"What?" he said, thrown back a bit at her question.
"I said, how's Buffy doing."
He thought about just leaving right then and there, but the way her voice sounded. The way her body posture had taken an one eighty from the person who was sitting there only a second ago. He couldn't help but take interest, "She-she's doing okay," he said leaning back into his seat again.
It had been over a year since she had been in Sunnydale. Over a year since she had seen any of them. The one person that she had opened up to a little was Angel and she hadn't even seen him in awhile. He was her only contact to the outside world now. No one else. Yet, here was another person from her past showing up. Another person that she had tried to kill. It was confusing to her why any of them would come to see her. It had to be only to berate her. To play with her. She was sure of it. Only, hearing Xander across from her, she wasn't so sure anymore. For the first time in awhile, Faith felt something creep up in her that hadn't for some time. It was so foreign to her that even now she hardly noticed it. Yet it was there. She only had to find it again.
Looking back up her eyes locked with his and she found herself quietly letting out a breath as he continued, "Well, as good as she can be I guess."
When Faith gave him a questioning look he elaborated, "Riley took off."
"When?" she asked quietly. In just one second that of which she had been close to finding was slipping away again. Between the few moments it took for him to answer she felt a knot swell up in her. She wondered just how much of an affect her last adventure in Sunnydale had. She knew it was bad but this? When Xander mentioned that Riley had left just about a month ago she couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. A sigh that she felt the person across from her took wrong as she apologized, "Sorry, I didn't mean... it's just the last time... the last time I was there I sort of ..."
"Yeah, I remember."
Once again, she let the silence do her talking. Something that she was good at. She was always a shoot first and ask questions later kind of gal but that was before. Before she had a lot of time on her hands to think. Now she didn't know what kind of person she was. That more than anything, she feared the most.
"Wait a second," Xander said drawing her attention more sharply to him, "Was that an apology I just heard? Did Faith just apologize?"
"Shut up."
Xander smiled. So did Faith, but only for a brief second and then it was gone as fast as it had came.
After another moment of silence past between them she spoke up, "Why?"
"Why what? Oh," he said sitting upright, "Well, you see, Riley felt that Buffy didn't..."
"No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm asking why? Why now?" she asked.
He stopped and looked at her for a moment before it registered what she was referring to. Looking down he heard himself let out a sigh, "I just felt it was time. You deserved a second chance," he said, slowly looking back up and at her, "A chance to talk. A chance..."
"I deserve nothing."
He was taken back by her bluntness even though he didn't know why. Faith was always about being blunt. Being up front. She didn't have a mask. She didn't tell you bull and then talk about you behind your back. She talked about you to your face. That was her style. That was Faith. Yet, now even with him knowing this, he was surprised by her comment. Surprised because for some reason, he didn't know why, but he could tell that this person sitting on the other side of that glass was different somehow. In some way.
He looked back at her and nodded slowly, "Okay, but..."
"You were right," she said shifting uncomfortably in her chair, "this was a mistake. You shouldn't have come here."
He looked at her curiously for a moment before he responded, "No, I think I came just in time."
He watched as she quickly stilled her movements in the chair. Then a smile formed on her lips. This smile wasn't the same that he shared with Willow when talking about their first meeting. Nor was it the same that he knew from Dawn's face after they discussed worst Sunnydale High teachers in the Hellmouth's history. Yet, it was not one that was new to him either. No, this was the smile he knew. A smile that he never thought he would see again, nor care to see. The smirk. The expression. The laugh. It was as if he were seeing the past through a looking glass. This was the same smile. The same laugh that he had experienced that night in the motel room. The night she tried to kill him.
"My savior," she said laughing while turning her head to the side. Xander just watched her. He could do nothing else as her laugh died down and she looked back directly at him, "You think that whatever I say matters? Whatever I do? Nothing matters. Not in here. Not out there. It's all just one big ole' world of nothing. Don't you get that?"
"Faith," Xander said trying to reach her, trying to get that person that he was talking to just a few minutes ago back, "It does matter. You matter."
That same smile danced on her lips, this time followed by a laugh that kept building till it abruptly came to a silent stop, "So noble. You really are a sucker for hope aren't you Xander Harris. Look at your life. Do you find much hope in your life? In your friends?" His silence only urged her on, "Do you not see it? Are you blind? Every day you fight the good fight. Every day you support them. Support her. And every day how far does that get you? How far does that get them?"
"Faith..."
"No? No words of valor? No speeches about hope and fighting the good fight?"
"Faith..."
"Or maybe, you do see what I see," she said leaning close to her side of the glass, "Maybe you just won't admit it. Won't admit that all of your acts, all of your support, all of your fight. It all means nothing. That you do the same things over and over again day in and day out and it gets you no where but right back where you started at."
Faith sat there quietly just watching him. When his silence lingered she continued, "No? Hmm... maybe you're right then," she said backing away from the glass, leaning back into chair, "Maybe I'm the one who can't see the forest for the trees. God knows I haven't seen a tree in awhile."
Neither of them said a word as they sat in silence. A silence that was broken only by one of the guards inside the room speaking up, "Time's up Faith," the guard said. Faith gave Xander one last look before starting to get up.
"What?" she asked into the phone, stopping before she hung up.
"I said, you want hope. I'll give you hope," Xander said before hanging up. His gaze held her there until he suddenly got up, turned and walked out of the room.
She continued to stare at the door even after he had gone. "Warden's ready to see you now," the guard said, her attention suddenly turned.
"Finally, now let's get this over with. I have a shower to get to," she said before being lead out of the room. While she was being escorted to see the Warden she thought about her and Xander's conversation one last time and couldn't help but wonder who exactly was right.
*****************************
California Women's Facility
San Diego, California
12:55 P.M.
New Loop
Faith awoke with a start. She had been in this hold for some time and figured it was nearing a month but she wasn't sure. There wasn't much she was sure of since she had came to this place less than a year ago. Well, except for the way she put Rosa and all of her girls to the ground. That she was sure of. She couldn't help but smile at the thought. Her smile faded however when she heard the lock on the confinement door. She squinted her eyes, the light shining in from the slightly opened door. She waited for one of the guards to move into the open and lead her out but no one stepped out. Instead, the door closed as quickly as it had been opened.
She looked around the empty and dark room with her senses on overload. Getting up suddenly, Faith leaned against the far wall in a defensive posture. There was someone or something in here with her. That she was sure of.
"Oh, what I wouldn't have give to had this ability when I was in high school."
Immediately after hearing the voice, Faith went on the offensive and attacked. She landed a blow, feeling the weight of whoever it was fall to the ground in pain.
"Ow!" the voice said from the ground before the outline of their body started to fade into view.
"Who the hell are you?" Faith asked ready to inflict more pain.
"You always have to talk with your fists don't ya?" the person said. She could see the person rub their head with their hand as the person stood up.
"Xander? What the.... what are you doing here? Wait, is Buffy..."
"No, I'm alone."
"I don't understand."
"You will. Now come on," he said reaching out his hand and taking a hold of hers.
"I'm not going anywhere with you. Besides, we wouldn't get five steps out there without someone seeing us. There would be guards all over us in ten seconds tops," she said before pulling away a little, "Wait, how did you get in here anyways?"
Xander turned to face her with a smile, "Don't worry. I'm invisible. No one will see us."
"Uh, I can see you just fine."
"That's because I made you invisible too," he said before correcting himself, "Well, actually the guy I hired just outside did but nonetheless, you're invisible."
Faith followed him outside of the solitary confinement hold and watched as he shut the door slowly. The sun lit up the prison yard as she squinted from the rays. Shielding her eyes she looked up into the sky, her attention focusing on the prison towers above the various corners, "Why haven't they seen us?" she said with the guards just standing at their posts.
"I told you, we're invisible," Xander said as she turned back around to face him, "Who the fuck is he?"
"That's the guy I was telling you about. Casper," Xander said nodding towards the man. The man nodded back slowly.
"Casper? As in the ghost Casper?" Faith asked incredulously.
"No, Casper as in The Looking Glass book store owner Casper. Though, it does kind of make you wonder about Scooby Doo doesn't it?" Xander said.
Faith looked back towards the man as she sized him up. Judging by his facial features she guessed he was no older than thirty, thirty five tops. His hair was as dark as the shades he wore. His attire was what got her attention the most though. He was dressed in a pair of tan khakis and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His shoes, penny loffers, definitely weren't the standard issue that one might guess be used to break someone out of jail with either. If anything this man looked like a banker to her, definitely not a hired hand. Hell, he didn't even have the bookstore owner look to him.
"Hey," Faith said nodding towards the man in greeting.
"Uh, he's not really in favor of the talking," Xander said after Faith's greeting went without acknowledgement.
"Yeah, whatever," Faith said turning around and looking back up at the guard towers. She looked up at the guard who just stood there as he scanned the same area that she was now standing at. When the guard turned his head Faith looked at them in amusement. Then looking down on the ground around her she picked up a small rock. Then with a smile on her face she glanced up at the guard's tower and launched the rock towards it. A minute later there stood a very pissed off guard with a sore back. The guard looked around the area seeing nothing, spitting out expletives every now and then.
"Uh Faith, as fun as peg the rock on the guard's back is, we need to be moving," Xander said.
She took another look around the prison yard before looking at Xander. He watched her demeanor change instantly to one of a more serious nature, "Why are you so interested in breaking me out of here anyway? If it were for end of the world big Angel would've came. Hell, maybe even Buffy. So what gives?"
"I want to help you?"
Faith stood her ground and stared back at him. A chuckle escaping her lips, "You want to help me? You want to help the person who tried to kill you? Yeah, try again."
Xander sighed before taking a step towards her, "Faith, I see the way you are. The way you live in here. I want to help."
"Well, see that's the thing. The government don't put murderers up into the Hilton like they use to. This is all I have. There's nothing I can do. This is my place now," she said pausing, "Besides, it's not that bad. I have plenty to eat and between Rosa and her crew I always get in a good work out now and then."
"You don't have to live like this. Not today. Today is your get out of jail free card day."
"And why's that? Why is this the day that Xander Harris decided to help me? What makes today so special?"
"Because today is the day that I offer you a ride on my Harley."
"Your Harley? You own a Harley? As in Harley Davidson?"
"Is there any other?"
"So it is the end of the world."
"Why do all the women I know say that? Can't a man change his image every now and then?"
"Let's say for argument's sake that I went with you. What then? I have a lot of people who probably want me dead on the outside, like say oh, the council. Can you guarantee my safety? More importantly," she said turning back around to face him, "can you guarantee your own? After all I'm not in here because of my card tricks."
"I'll be fine."
"Hmm..."
"So what's it gonna be Faith? Riding down the highway on a Harley or playing who's gonna pick up that soap?" Xander said, "It's your call. Just make it fast."
"Make it fast? What, are you trying to make the record books for fastest prison breakout or something?"
"No, it's just I'm being charged by the hour," Xander said nodding back towards the man behind him.
Faith let out an annoyed sigh as she turned her back to him. She just stood there looking out into the yard. What was the problem she thought. Why was she not jumping at this opportunity? This was her chance out. Her chance at freedom. Yet, here she was acting as if it were something to be concerned about. If this would have been two years ago she'd been out of here by now. Taking any offer like the one she was just handed. She could be out of here in less than a half hour. Then she could take the Harley from him and be out of town and gone. Gone from it all. Gone from all the misery that came with California. From the pain. Oh how she yearned for that so much. To just get away. Away from anyone or anything that knew her. Away from this God forsaken prison. Away from herself. Yet, that voice inside of her kept pulling her back.
~~~~~~~~~~
Flashback
Angel's old place
May 2, 2000
"You're in no condition to leave here. You walk out that door now and you'll be running for the rest of your life - and my bet is - it'll be a pretty short run."
Faith walks past him, "You know what? It doesn't matter."
Angel steps between her and the door, "It does matter. It matters to me."
"Why are you doing this? Why are you being nice to me? Just - stop it. You're gonna step aside or do we throw down? I mean, am I your prisoner here?"
"No. You're not my prisoner."
"So I'm free."
"I don't know about that," he says sliding the door behind him open, "but the door is open."
He watches as Faith walks past him, "Where are you gonna go? Back out in that darkness?" he says, Faith hesitating before continuing to walk away, "I once told you that you didn't have to go out in that darkness." Faith stops, her back to him, "Remember? That it was your choice. Well, you chose - You thought that you could just touch it. That you'd be okay," he says slowly walking closer to her, "5X5, right, Faith? - But it swallowed you whole. - So tell me," he says standing behind her, "how did you like it?"
Faith turns and slugs him hard. He doesn't retaliate, just slowly turns back to look at her. She stares for a moment then looks anywhere but at him. Then hesitantly she whispered, "Help me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It played fresh in her mind, a film that had been relayed time and time again. In a lot of ways it was her salvation. She was here because of what he did for her. He didn't merely save her life, that she could defend and protect on her own well enough. No, what he did. What he saved, someone had done for him. He gave her back her soul. That act transcended far and beyond her life.
As she stood in this prison yard, freedom staring her in the face, she couldn't help the smile that crept upon her face. Turning around she walked up to Xander, "Sorry bout this, with you breaking in here and all but I can't go with you. I'm - my whole life, I've ran from things. People who gave me a chance, who tried to help me. Buffy, Giles, Angel, Wesley," she said pausing for a moment after mentioning the former watcher's name, "I'm tired of running. Tired of constantly looking over my shoulder. I can't do that anymore. Not now. Not after what I've been given," she said turning her back to him, looking out into the prison yard, "I won't do that anymore."
As she looked off into the yard she thought about Angel. Wondered what he was doing right this minute. There was no doubt in her mind that he was saving someone from something. That was what he did after all. It was his calling. She hoped one day that she got that chance again. A chance to help. At least she thought she did. So much undetermined, so much uncertain and yet so much so clear at this very moment to her.
"I understand," she heard Xander say as her eyes followed his shadow on the ground, listening to him behind her, "So much endured. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that you have felt. The pain that you have inflicted in your life. Upon friends. Loved ones. Hell, even perfect strangers. But here's the thing. I want to help you. I want to help you the way Angel helped you," she heard him say, his words urging her to face him as she turned back around, "That's why I'm doing this," he said catching her off guard as he tossed some colored dust from his hand into the air, directly in contact with her face.
"Wha -- is... " Faith said, her eyes feeling heavy as her body began to give way into his arms.
"To help you," he finished saying, Faith lying limp in his arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's just, uh... I heard about what happened, and I thought you might need a friend."
"So then, go talk to Buffy. She's the one who killed a guy."
"Yeah. I heard that version."
"Version?" Faith says, not amused.
"Either way," Xander says sighing, "I-it sounds like it was an accident, and that's the important part."
"No, the important part is that Buffy is the accidental murderer," Faith said making finger quotes.
"Faith, you may not think so, but I sort of know you. And I've seen you post-battle. And I know firsthand that you're, um... like a wild thing. And half the time, you don't know what you're doing."
"And you're living proof of that, aren't you?"
"See, you're trying to hurt me. But right now, you need someone on your side. What happened wasn't your fault. And I'm willing to testify to that in court if you need me."
"You'd dig that, wouldn't you?" she said giving him a sexy look, "To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy toy for a night."
"No. N-n-n-n-no, that's not it."
"I know what this is all about," she said taking a step closer to him while running her fingertips all around his face, "You just came by here 'cause you want another taste, don't you?"
"No! I mean, it was nice. It was great. It was kind of a blur. But, okay, some day, sure, yay, but not now. Not like this."
"More like how then?" Faith said, grabbing hold of his head, "Lights on or off? Kinks or vanilla?"
"Faith come on," Xander said, jerking away from her, "I came here to help you. I thought we had a connection," he says searching her eyes for something. For anything.
She laughs out loud before grabbing hold of his shirt, shoving him onto the bed and jumping on top of him, "You wanna feel a connection? It's just skin," she says opening his shirt, "I see... I want... I take. I forget," she said kissing him hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Faith jerked awake, instantly grabbing her head for doing so. She felt like she was spinning. Her senses were on overload which only made the head rush worse. Her hand touched the ground and she couldn't help but look down at it. "Well, it's about time sleepy head," she heard from behind her. Instantly she remembered. The images flooded back into her head. She looked across her right shoulder as she watched him come up from behind her out the corner of her eye.
"I thought you'd never wake up. The day's already halfway over."
"Where are we?"
"Does it matter? You're free."
Slowly getting to her feet her sight came into focus around her.
"Beautiful isn't it? Well, except for the smog," he said coming up beside her.
"Get the hell away from me," she said before turning to face him, "What's your deal? You in the kidnapping business now? What, the slaying business that bad?"
"You wouldn't come so I did what I had too. Believe me, I tried everything I could to get you to come with me freely but you wouldn't."
"So that's the way you operate now. If you don't get what you want, you take it?"
A smirk slowly crept upon his face, "Worked fine for you once."
Faith had her deterrent look going but her eyes deceived her, "Yeah, it did, but look where it got me. In prison."
"Not anymore," he said nodding out into the scenery that overlooked the city.
"So what gives? Why you doing this? Does Buffy know about it? There's no way she'd let you ..."
"Let me what? Break you out? Set you free? No probably not, but you know what? Buffy's not here now is she?"
After a moment he took a step towards her, "If you get anywhere near me I'll break you in half," she said.
He stopped and gave her a look, "Wouldn't be the first time."
"What the hells your deal Xander? If you don't tell me what this is all about and do it quick I'll put you down just as quick."
"You know, as much as you and Buffy don't want to admit it, you're alike in a lot of ways. Both of you always think you have to do things alone." After a moment he sighed while putting his hands into his pockets, "Fine, I'll tell you. Better yet, I'll show you," he said walking over to his Harley, "Well, are you going to get on or not. What? You don't trust me? Oh for... you said it yourself, you can put me down anytime you want. I'm not a threat."
Despite herself, Faith couldn't help but be curious. She walked towards him slowly, taking one last look at him before mounting the bike behind him, "And to think, usually you're the only one on top," he said receiving a shove from her, nearly knocking him off of the bike.
"Sorry, couldn't help it."
"Just shut up and drive," she said as they started down the road.
***********************
IN-N-OUT Burger
6000 Pacific Blvd., Huntington Park
Los Angeles, CA
9:01 P.M.
"Not that I don't mind eating at the other guy's expense, especially since I haven't had a good cheese burger in awhile, but this can't be what you kidnapped me out of prison for," Faith said after finishing off her cheeseburger.
Xander reached out and picked up a fry as he dipped it into ketchup. He brought it up to his mouth, savoring the taste as he licked his fingers clean from any evidence, "That's got to be a first you know?"
Faith leaned back in her booth and gave him a questioning look, "Kidnapping from prison," he clarified.
"Look, it's not that I don't appreciate the gesture. Breaking a gal out of prison and all, not to mention kicking burgers but don't you think it's about time you let me in on the why?"
"You want another burger? Hey, maybe one of their deserts. You should try their malts. Wait, you're probably more of a hot fudge kind of girl aren't ya. Yeah, let's go with that. Ooh, you'll love the way they put the fudge all around the ice cream. You'll never have any better."
"Has your hearing gone to the same place your brain apparently went? Did you not hear me?" she said leaning up and over the table, "I am tired of being led around on this trip of yours. So I suggest you either let me in on the joke or..."
"Or what? You'll kill me?" he said, getting a knee jerk reaction out of her, "Just a thought but maybe making a scene in a public place isn't the right thing to do when you're an escaped convict."
"Kidnapped," she corrected him while slowly leaning back into her booth.
"You say tomato I say tamato."
"Were you always this annoying?"
"Probably not," he said smiling as the waitress brought him his second order of fries.
"Thank you Rachel," he said as the waitress gave him a strange look, "So where were we?"
"Leaving," Faith said as she got up from her booth and started walking out.
Faith was just about to the door when a hand grabbed a hold of her shoulder. Whirling around, she let her fist fly only to have her arm pulled back from behind her. Soon she was double teamed as her mind raced to catch up with the situation.
"No one's leaving," the man in front of her said out loud, "If you try you die."
The few people who were left in the place began to stir. One, a young man who looked to be in his twenties, jumped up from his seat and tried to make an exit through the back. In less than five seconds he was dead. His neck snapped as he laid on the ground with his executioner standing over him.
"Did I not say try and you die?" the man in front of Faith asked to the one holding her, "I swear, these humans never learn."
"Well, that's one thing we have in common then."
The man turned around and stared at the female being held by his friend, "What did you say?" He took a step closer to her, "You wanna be next with that smart mouth?"
"Actually, what I really want is some wood... er, a piece of wood actually," Faith said, a confused look forming on the man's face, "Oh yeah, I've been in prison way too long," she said before using her leverage against the one holding her. Kicking her feet out she landed a solid blow to the one in front of her before bringing her feet back to the ground. This act had knocked some of the momentum the man holding her had as his grip loosened. Faith then snapped her head back as it connected with the him, breaking his hold on her and probably his nose by the sound of it. She whirled around just as he changed into his visage.
"Well, about time you showed your true colors."
The vampire snarled in agony at his state before lunging at her. He was tossed back against the wall for his troubles. Faith turned back around and took in the scene. The one who seemed to be the leader had just gotten back up and the one who had killed the young man was just now coming around to the front.
"You're dead," the one in front of her said as he got off of the ground, his true visage now showing.
"Three on one eh?" Faith said just as he attacked. His attack so unmastered that she had no trouble blocking his par ayes. Grabbing a hold of his wrists, she brought her knee up into his face, sending him backwards and onto the ground. Spinning around she caught the blow from the one behind her as she flung him up and into one of the booths. She turned back around but not fast enough. Her head snapped back from the blow. Her instincts now in full force, she got control of her body and blocked the third vamp's next attack. With one sweep of her feet his legs went out from under him as he hit the floor. For the first time since the fight broke out Faith looked up to see the few people remaining hurrying out the door. All that is, except Xander, who was merely sitting in the booth as he continued to chow down on his second order of fries.
This momentary distraction was all that it took for her to get tackled to the ground from behind. Facing the ground Faith throw her elbow back into the vamp's face. The blow allowed her to roll over and flip herself back up. At that exact moment her hand whipped out in front of her catching the wooden stake that was tossed in her direction. Snapping her head where it came from she saw Xander finishing off the last of his fries with a smile. It was if he were watching a show as he took a sip from his coke while leaning back. When he put his glass out in front of him as if giving her a nod of approval Faith rolled her eyes as she moved her attention back to the vamps.
"What the hell is your beef? All we wanted was a little fast food," one of them said.
"See that's the problem with you men. Always wanting it now. Got to always rush it. Has to be hard and fast," she said. To her left she heard Xander clear his throat. "Oh, right that's the way I like it too."
She leapt at the vamps knocking one to the ground, exchanging blows with another. The one she was fighting definitely was the best fighter among them but he was no match. Even with her lay off from slaying Faith could see every move he was about to make before he made it. Two seconds later he was dust. Spinning as the dust settled around her she jabbed one of the other vamps in the chest. Her head snapped up as she heard the last vamp make a run for the exit. When he reached for the door he felt the stake enter his back. He only had enough time to look down to see the protruding stake before becoming dust himself.
"Forty three point eight seconds. Not bad," Xander said getting up from his seat and walking up towards her, "So how'd it feel to be back in the game?"
"About like this," Faith said grabbing a hold of him by the shirt as she slammed his back up and onto the counter, "I don't know what it is you think you are..." she paused, realization dawning on her, "Wait a second, you knew those vamps would be here tonight. That's why you..." she let go of him as she walked a few feet away, "That's why you brought me here tonight," she sighed, "Son of a bitch! You set me up." Xander leaned back up, fingering at his now torn shirt, "I don't need this shit. I'm out of here," Faith said starting towards the door.
Xander let out an annoyed sigh, "You know what, fine. Go back and rot in your prison. See if I care," he said as Faith continued towards the door, "I give you this freedom and this is the way you thank me. By throwing it back in my face?"
"Freedom?" Faith said spinning back around, "You call being kidnapped and being led on some joy ride against your will freedom?"
"Oh please," Xander said shaking his head, "Like you didn't enjoy doing those vamps." Faith's eyes spoke of her true feelings even when her posture claimed otherwise, "You were made to fight vamps Faith. You know it and I know it. You get off on it just as much as I got off on watching you fight them just now," he said moving up closer to her.
"Stay the hell away from me."
Xander stopped and gazed at her a few feet from her. His expression suddenly changed and then shaking his head he turned around. Faith watched him take a few steps away from her before coming to a halt. He just stood there. Stood there so quietly that Faith was about to say something merely to break the silence until he spoke up, "Do you know how many times we've had this conversation and yet ever single time you say the same thing? Doesn't matter what I do different. What I say different. It never changes. None of it. I keep on trying to ... trying," he chuckled to himself, his tone changing, "It… it never changes," he said once again before growing quiet.
"Xander I think you need to call Buffy. Something's definitely wrong..."
She trailed off as she heard his laugh. "Doesn't matter. She can't help. Believe me I've tried. I've tried them all. Giles, Willow, hell I'd even try Spike if I thought it would work."
"Tried? Tried what? Xander what the hell is this all about?" Faith asked.
Xander looked up. His eyes caught glance of a man wrapped up in layers of tattered clothing as he moved along side the restaurant. The man, if you could call him that, looked as if he hadn't had a meal in forever. His face was pale and thin. His bony hand pushed up against the outer window as he stumbled, leaning against the windows for support. Xander followed his movements all the way to the door as it opened.
"None of it matters," Xander said in almost a whisper.
Faith's attention also followed the man as he crept inside the restaurant, "Wouldn't happen to have some spare change now would ya?"
Faith's attention went back to Xander as she watched his demeanor immediately change, "Sure, in fact, sit down and let me get you something warm to drink."
As the man struggled to walk she recognized that this man was much older than she originally thought. "You'd do that? You'd do that for an old man? Why thanks young'n."
"No problem, just take a seat," Xander said moving around and behind the counter as he picked up the coffee pot, "Here you go," he said pouring the coffee into a cup he retrieved from underneath the counter. When the coffee cup was slid up to the old man his face lit up as if the cup of coffee was a pot of gold. Faith watched him take a sip. It seemed to burn him as he moved the cup from his lip and cringed a bit. A second later though he brought it back up to him and took another one. Soon he was taking it in like he had been drinking coffee his whole life. After a few long swigs from the cup he put it back down on the counter.
The older man glanced towards Faith, a huge smile of gratitude evident, "Now that hits the spot. Thank you young man." The man licked his lips, still reveling in the warmness of the drink.
"More?" Xander asked grabbing the man's cup to refill. The man quickly put up his hand, "No, no, I couldn't accept anymore for free. You have been kind enough as it is."
Xander stopped for a second before looking back at the old man thoughtfully, "I'll tell you what, you tell me a little about yourself and we'll call it even."
The man's face wore a baffled look as he objected, "No, no, I can not..."
"Yes, you can. And you will."
Faith watched the old man sigh in defeat before his face slowly showed a smile, "Well, that's ... young man, you've got yourself a deal," he said. Xander smiled up at Faith before he continued to refill the man's cup of coffee, "So where are you from?" Xander asked while doing so.
"Atlanta, Georgia. Name's Willie by the way."
"Wow, that's quite a ways Willie. My names Xander, gal over there is Faith."
The man looked at Faith and nodded with a smile. She could only manage a slight nod as she continued to take in the strange scene.
"And just what brought you to our bright and sunny state of California after all?"
The man grew quite for a moment. For a second there Faith thought he may have passed out but then he continued, "My wife Margie died. Doctor said it was a stroke. She was only outside for a few minutes. Just like every other day. Working on her garden. Nothing wrong with that now is there?" he said, Xander agreeing with a nod, "I just... I never saw it coming. First Margie and then the bank foreclosing on the house. We never had no need to plan you know? At least that's what I kept telling Margie. She tried my Margie did but ...." The man stopped as he stared at the cup of coffee, thoughts evident in his mind.
"I'm sorry, that must be terrible," Xander said.
"Yeah," the man said taking a sip from his cup. After putting the cup back down the man sat there quietly for a moment as if waiting for something to hit him. Then as if the coffee had given him newfound strength his head snapped back up, "But you know what they say, God has a reason for everything."
"Yes. That is what they say isn't it?" Xander said while moving around and out from behind the counter. He walked up to the man as he took another sip from the cup while nodding.
"Now he's led me here. Margie's step brother lives out here somewhere. I know it. I just have to find him. Yep, it's only a matter of time," the man said nodding as if reassuring himself. He took the last swig from the cup before sitting it down with a satisfied sigh, "That is some fine coffee you've got here. It don't get any better than this."
"Nope, it sure doesn't," Xander said, his tone drawing Faith's attention, "It sure doesn't."
She watched him drive a knife into the back of the man in one hard swoop. She jerked from the action nearly as hard as the man did. The older man slumped forward while turning, his eyes boring into Faith's, as he fell from his seat to the floor face first.
"Nothing ever does." Faith heard Xander mutter under his breath. Xander began moving away but she was unaware. The only thing she could do was stare at the body as it laid there. Forcing herself to move, she walked up towards it. Her heart beating so fast that it felt like it was going to come out of her chest. She saw herself leaning down over the body. Saw her hand reach out and touch the body. Then watched her hand came in contact with the neck. She didn't know why she did this but she did. Looking up she saw Xander walking outside of the restaurant. She watched him as he leaned up against the wall. A second later he kneeled over quickly as every bit of his food he had ate minutes before left his body.
Her attention was brought back inside the restaurant as she felt the warmness on her hand.. Looking down she slowly lifted her hand from the neck and turned it over. Her hand covered in it. Her thoughts immediately went back to that night in the alley. The man leaning up against the dumpster. It was everywhere. He was drenched in it. Warm and dark. It was the same and she felt it now. The only sensation she felt and because of it she found herself wishing that she had none at all. Getting up she frantically searched for something to wipe it off with. Anything. Pulling out a few napkins from the dispenser she tried to get it off but she could still feel it on her. Rushing around and behind the counter she ran to the nearest sink and turned the water on. She immediately started scrubbing her hands. She felt her hands scream out in agony from the heat of it. Frantically, she turned the water to cool and let it run over them. Even when the warmness was gone she still continued to scrub. Every now and then she would look up while doing so. Soon her eyes found their way outside. Her frustration, and anger mounting she turned and marched towards the door, not even bothering to turn off the water. Pushing the doors open wide with one hard thrust she went right up to Xander who was still leaning against the wall. She grabbed a hold of him from behind and flung him to the ground in front of her, "You bastard!"
She watched as he staggered to his feet laughing, his face bloody from where he hit the pavement. "What the hell is wrong with you!"
"Don't you get it? It doesn't matter. Nothing does. It's just like you said Faith," he said staggering up to her. Faith punched him as he staggered back to the ground. He laid there on his stomach for a minute muttering out loud as he spat up blood.
"I'm calling Buffy, this is crazy. Do you realize what you've done?"
"Yeah, I killed someone who will be here at the exact same time tomorrow," Xander coughed out as he dragged himself to his feet, "The day after that, and the day after that."
Faith was watching him but she was also looking for a payphone. She turned to look up both sides of the street but saw none. She turned back towards Xander to see him staggering into the middle of the street.
"Xander!"
"None of it matters," he said standing in the middle of the street. A bus bearing down upon him as the driver rang his horn loud. Faith took off, her feet moving so fast that not even the bus driver registered her until she threw herself into Xander as they both went flying. The bus slid to a stop past them as Faith leaned up from the ground with Xander next to her. The bus driver leaned out the window as he screamed out at them. Faith watched as he cursed out a few obscenities before slowly moving back down the road.
"Xander," Faith said trying to help him up.
"Get away from me!" he shouted, shoving her back as she fell back a bit.
"What is wrong with you?" she asked getting to her feet, "Tonight, this… What the hell happened to you?"
He laughed as he dragged himself up, "Yeah, well, we all change now don't we? Isn't that what life's about? Moving forward. Growing? Oh wait, no it isn't. Not anymore."
"Okay, that's it. I'm tired, I need a shower and you obviously need psychiatric help. We are taking you to the hospital and then I'm calling Buffy."
"Gee, I thought maybe we could dispose the body first. You know, since you have experience in that area and all."
Faith cocked her head as her eyes narrowed, "What?"
"Oh come on Faith, this kind of thing should be normal for you right? I mean, you seemed to have no problem with the lifestyle before. Seemed to enjoy it enough then. Wait, I know what your problem is. You haven't gotten any in awhile. Well, maybe we can change that too," he said with a smirk, the blood on his face already drying into a crimson color.
"Yeah, I'm going to have to knock you out before we take you to the hospital," she said.
"Always were one for the roughness," Xander said as she approached him. She was about ready to pull back and land a blow when he suddenly began to slump forward. Faith's reflexes took hold as she caught him before he fell. She held him uncomfortably for a minute as she looked down at his unconscious form, "Bastard just had to pass out," she muttered out loud.
****************************
Super 8 Motel
1341 W Sunset Blvd,
Los Angeles, CA
Room 228
10:05 P.M.
Faith ran the warm water over the washrag. She turned the water off and rang the washrag a bit before turning and walking back into the main room. The newsman continued to talk about the new budget plan bill heading to congress but not much else. There hadn't been any news brief about an escaped convict or reports about any restaurants being held up. Why am I not surprised? she thought. Picking up the remote, Faith turned off the TV as she made her way to the bed where Xander was. When she sat on it he began to stir.
"Well, it's about time sleepy head. I thought you'd never wake up," Faith said. "What, no hello?"
Xander tried to lean up but only succeeded in making the pain worse. Reaching up with his hand, he dabbed at his head. "Here," Faith tossed him the rag, hitting him square in the stomach as he winced, "compliments of the motel." Xander eyed her for a minute before taking the rag and dabbing his forehead with it.
"How did you afford the room?" he asked. Faith pulled out his wallet from her pants.
"So, who'd you rip off?" Faith asked, tossing the wallet on the bed, "No way someone gets that kind of money and does it legally. There's got to be what? Six? Seven Grand there?"
"Just lucky I guess," Xander said, seeming more interested in his own blood on the rag than the conversation.
"Yeah, lucky to be alive. More lucky that you passed out and missed out on my fist though." Faith said.
"Were you practicing your good cop all this time in prison because if you were, let me just say, not very good."
"Well, you know me. Never was much with the good routine anyways," Faith said leaning against the air conditioner unit by the window, "Doesn't matter though. I got a hold of Buffy. She and Giles are on their way."
Xander chuckled slightly while sliding off the bed, "You think that matters? Really, come on Faith."
Faith's expression took on a more serious one, "What you did Xander. Do you know what you've done?"
He stood there quietly. Looking down at the rag covered with his blood, he felt a knot in his throat. Pushing it aside, he tossed the rag to the floor and looked back up at her, "Nothing you haven't done yourself. Isn't that right Faith?"
"Pretty much but you. You haven't even begun to realize it yet but you have just flushed everything that makes you who you are. Everything that made you good."
"Awe, that is so touching. Do you really mean that Faith? I never knew you cared about me so much and to think all this time I was wrong. Damn, prison really does change a person," Xander said while picking up his wallet off of the bed.
"Fuck you!"
"Sorry Faith but not a road I want to go down again. It must be my head trauma talking but you don't seem as attractive as you use to," he said turning around.
"You're not leaving this room."
He stopped, a half grin on his face, "Faith, you don't have to keep this act up okay," he said turning back around, "Pretty soon you'll be back in your nice little solitary confinement with not a care in the world. You know, I almost envy you. Not knowing."
"Not knowing what Xander? That you have done nothing but well, do nothing this whole time. You must've wanted me to know something? I mean, you didn't break me out of prison for nothing right? So come on Xander, here I am, enlighten me."
"Why not?" he said shrugging after a moment, "Not as if I don't have any time on my hands." He looked down at his watch and couldn't help but chuckle after doing so, "I'll be damned." he tapped the broken watch before looking back up at Faith with a smile, "I guess I really don't have any time on my hands."
"Well, don't worry because you'll have plenty of time right next to me in prison after what you did tonight."
"Not likely," he said sitting down on the edge of the bed, "You see Faith, you don't see the world for what it really is. It's not your fault. In fact, just as I said, I almost envy you. Not knowing the truth."
"Not knowing the… " Faith said trailing off as she stood up from her leaning position, "You don't have a clue how I see the world. What it's like. You envy me? Don't you dare. You can't even begin to think of what it is to be in that position."
"No?" he said, a chuckle escaping his lips as he got up from his sitting position. He walked up to her, "Have you ever been in confinement?"
"No, of course not. You usually get to go to the park when you're punished in prison," Faith said.
"No, I'm not talking about solitary confinement. I'm talking real confinement. The kind of confinement that makes you wonder if there is anything out there that's worth saving. The kind where you can't even talk to your best friend because she doesn't even know what you are talking about?"
"Well, seeing as I have no friends I'd say yeah. I can relate."
A smile came across his face as he nodded. He turned around and walked a few feet before stopping in front of the TV. He grew quiet for a minute before picking up the TV guide from the top of the TV. Turning back around towards Faith, he tossed it to her as she caught it against her chest, "Ever seen the movie Memento?"
"What?"
"Memento. Page twenty two. It comes on tomorrow night on HBO. Ever seen it?"
"I-I, uh, don't think... what's this have to do with ..."
"It's about a man looking for his wife's killer. Only this man has this disability. This uh, short term memory thing. It was a result from a blow to the head that he received when he walked in on his wife's attack. He wakes up in the same hotel room every morning with no knowledge of what he's doing there or what has happened. The only things he knows are the tattoo's that he gets to use as notes to remind himself of what he's found out previously."
"Sounds like a freakish movie. So what?"
"But that's the point. I don't know if it's freakish. I've never seen it. I've only read the summary."
"Oookay, I'm not following."
"You know," Xander said as he began to slowly pace, "Sometimes I wonder what would he had done if he could've never pulled it off. What if he could've never found his wife's killer because of his situation. What would he had done? Would he go insane? Would he gradually learn to live with it? How much is too much for one man to take? Going through the same thing every single day. The same doubt. The same fears," Xander said. He stopped his pacing and looked up at her, "How much? How much until it ... until it all comes to an end?"
"Okay, that's the last time you ever read one of these," Faith said, tearing the TV guide in half and tossing it in the trash. "What's this all about Xander? What are you doing here?"
She got no response as he just stood there silently.
"Xander I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on," she said, his back now turned to her.
"You can't help me. No one can," he said, suddenly starting for the door.
"Oh no you don't!" Faith said out loud going up to him. She grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around to face her as his back came in contact with the door, "You can either tell me what's going on or you'll tell Buffy when she gets here. One way or the other, you're not leaving this room until you do some talking."
"Oh really?" Xander said.
"You're choice," Faith said, pinning him against the door as he started laughing. "Something you find funny about all of this?" she asked.
"Only the fact that in what could be a matter of minutes you'll be in the same situation only it'll probably be guards doing the pinning and you won't remember a thing about any of this." Faith's grip on him tightened as his laugh became strained but not any less annoying to her, "Do you know how much I tried? How many times... how many things I did to try and make you happy? The number of times I've broke you out of prison?"
"What?"
"None of it mattered. None of it."
"What the hell are you rambling about?" she asked, her gripe loosening on him a bit.
"You just can't be helped. Sorry Faith, but you're a lost cause." A chuckle escaped his lips, "I probably should've just tried to get into your pants instead."
Before she could even respond Xander leaned forward and captured her lips with his own. Momentarily stunned, she tried to pull back but it only allowed Xander to free himself from her grip. He moved his hands up to her face to get a better hold on her as he deepened the kiss. Faith felt the force of his lips upon hers. She pulled back, the back of her foot hitting the bottom of the long chester drawers behind her. Catching her balance a bit, Faith pushed him back hard, sending him backwards as he hit the door and fell to the ground.
"Bastard!" she yelled. Closing the distance between them she reached down and dragged him back up by the collar. She slammed him to his left against the wall as he tried to shake the cobwebs out, "A lost cause? You haven't seen lost," Faith shouted, knocking him to the ground again. "You think you know me, huh? Well, tell me what I'm about to do," she said pulling him to his feet again before slamming him against the wall, "Tell me!" Her breathing was erratic as she knocked him to the ground again. "Tell me how well you know me now!" she said pulling him to his feet once more.
The left side of his face was already starting to show signs of slight bruising and blood was showing out the corner of his mouth. Yet, he still somehow managed a smile, "What's the matter Faith? Can't..." It was all that he got out as Faith suddenly claimed his lips with her own, her hands pulling his face to hers. This time Faith deepened the kiss. Just as Faith had been a few moments before when he did the same to her, Xander was momentarily taken back by the kiss and the pain her pressure gave him but he pushed it aside as he took a hold of her as well.
Faith pulled back from the kiss, grabbed a hold of his matted shirt collar and slammed him against the door. It took only a second for Faith to reclaim his lips. Her hands were roaming the front of his chest as they continued to try and devour one another. Suddenly he pushed forward, catching her off guard as he took control and shoved her up against the wall. With Faith against the wall, Xander closed the gap between them as he kissed her roughly.
Then he sprung up from his bed with a start. The sun shining in on him from the outside window as he looked around at his bedroom. His face and body showing no signs of the abuse it had only moments ago. He looked at the clock that read eight after six. "Oh, that's just not fair," he said out loud.
Even though his breathing was normal he could feel the intensity from his previous act with Faith. He could still taste her lips upon him. Even the coppery taste of his own blood. Everything was playing back in his head from the motel room. Then came the conversation with Faith. Her words replaying in his head. Pushing himself up and out of bed he tried freeing himself of these thoughts. He got up and went over to his chester drawer where his wallet was on top. Picking up his pants from the floor, he put them on and then retrieved his wallet. The only thing he could think of was going back. He had to finish that encounter with her in the motel. He couldn't think of anything else. The desire. The emotion. It excited him more with each passing second. With each thought he could see everything being played out in it's entirety. Him taking Faith. Yet, each time his thoughts began to play out the scenerios they always found their way back to the conversation with Faith. No matter how hard he tried to suppress them they kept creeping back up. His thoughts trailed off as he heard the front door to his apartment being opened.
"Xander? Xander's it's me. It's Buffy." He looked towards his bedroom door as he heard her moving along the floor in the living room, "Xander?" she said out loud once again.
Suddenly, the conversation quit playing in his head. It was as if a peace came over him. He couldn't explain it and yet didn't seem to care to either.
"I'm in here Buff," he said out loud. Suddenly all of his thoughts went away while looking at the bedroom door, replaced by something else inside of him. "Come on in," he replied to the knock at the door. A smile creeping up on his face as the door to his bedroom began to open.
===================================
Disclaimer: The characters and flashback scenes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to UPN, Joss, Fox, etc....
Distribution: Anywhere you want. Just let me know where.
Summary: Reliving the same day may be all fun and games for awhile but what happens when that hope of no tomorrow finally sinks in for Xander?
Setting: Season 5, one day before I Was Made to Love You.
Rating: This chapter is Rated R for some dark violence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hope is a dangerous thing. It can save a man of something and destroy a man with nothing."
--Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California Women's Facility
San Diego, California
2:57 P.M.
"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Lucky me," Faith said with the phone up to her ear.
"I'm sorry I'm not looking my best for ya. It just gets tiring shaving after awhile you know," he said looking through the glass at her.
"Cut to the chase. Why are you here? Oh wait. I know what this is about."
Xander raised an eyebrow at her questionably, "This is about you and your little friends coming here and giving me the big ole' speech isn't it? So B's finally decided to drop in and gloat eh? Well, go ahead, just make it fast. I'd like to take a shower and get back to my cell. Bertha from cell block three is having a card game later today and I plan on getting back my smokes. So go ahead and call Buffy and friends in here and let's get this over with," she said.
"Buffy didn't come with me. I'm alone."
The annoyance in Faith's face was quickly erased, followed by something that not even Xander caught.
"Wait, since when do you smoke?" Xander asked before seeing Faith give him a look, "Oh, right, prison talk. Gotcha."
After a few seconds of awkward silence Faith spoke, "Why are you here anyway? It can't be for the company. I mean, the last time you saw me I was..."
"Choking the life out of me. Yes, I remember the fun."
The eye contact between them was broken by her.
"Though, I do recall one good thing about our last encounter," he said watching her interest grow a bit, "I now know, I'm a lights off kind of guy."
Faith let out an exasperated breath with a smirk that only lasted a second as she quickly covered it up, "What is this? You coming here. Dropping in out of the sky like this?"
"Actually that's Angel who does the dropping out of the sky thing. I'm more of a slide across the ground with bruises guy myself."
After Faith's glare got too much for him, Xander sighed, "I had some time to kill. So I thought I'd kill it with my first time."
"Lucky me."
"Look, I thought it..." he leaned back with a sigh, "I thought it would be..."
"You thought what? That you'd march in here and I'd be all redeeming? That we'd catch up on ole' times? Is that it? Is that what you thought?"
"You know what? I came here because I felt it was the right thing to do but now I'm starting to rethink that," he said.
When Faith remained silent he continued just as he made a move to rise from his chair, "This was a mistake."
"How's Buffy doing?" Faith asked quietly.
"What?" he said, thrown back a bit at her question.
"I said, how's Buffy doing."
He thought about just leaving right then and there, but the way her voice sounded. The way her body posture had taken an one eighty from the person who was sitting there only a second ago. He couldn't help but take interest, "She-she's doing okay," he said leaning back into his seat again.
It had been over a year since she had been in Sunnydale. Over a year since she had seen any of them. The one person that she had opened up to a little was Angel and she hadn't even seen him in awhile. He was her only contact to the outside world now. No one else. Yet, here was another person from her past showing up. Another person that she had tried to kill. It was confusing to her why any of them would come to see her. It had to be only to berate her. To play with her. She was sure of it. Only, hearing Xander across from her, she wasn't so sure anymore. For the first time in awhile, Faith felt something creep up in her that hadn't for some time. It was so foreign to her that even now she hardly noticed it. Yet it was there. She only had to find it again.
Looking back up her eyes locked with his and she found herself quietly letting out a breath as he continued, "Well, as good as she can be I guess."
When Faith gave him a questioning look he elaborated, "Riley took off."
"When?" she asked quietly. In just one second that of which she had been close to finding was slipping away again. Between the few moments it took for him to answer she felt a knot swell up in her. She wondered just how much of an affect her last adventure in Sunnydale had. She knew it was bad but this? When Xander mentioned that Riley had left just about a month ago she couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. A sigh that she felt the person across from her took wrong as she apologized, "Sorry, I didn't mean... it's just the last time... the last time I was there I sort of ..."
"Yeah, I remember."
Once again, she let the silence do her talking. Something that she was good at. She was always a shoot first and ask questions later kind of gal but that was before. Before she had a lot of time on her hands to think. Now she didn't know what kind of person she was. That more than anything, she feared the most.
"Wait a second," Xander said drawing her attention more sharply to him, "Was that an apology I just heard? Did Faith just apologize?"
"Shut up."
Xander smiled. So did Faith, but only for a brief second and then it was gone as fast as it had came.
After another moment of silence past between them she spoke up, "Why?"
"Why what? Oh," he said sitting upright, "Well, you see, Riley felt that Buffy didn't..."
"No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm asking why? Why now?" she asked.
He stopped and looked at her for a moment before it registered what she was referring to. Looking down he heard himself let out a sigh, "I just felt it was time. You deserved a second chance," he said, slowly looking back up and at her, "A chance to talk. A chance..."
"I deserve nothing."
He was taken back by her bluntness even though he didn't know why. Faith was always about being blunt. Being up front. She didn't have a mask. She didn't tell you bull and then talk about you behind your back. She talked about you to your face. That was her style. That was Faith. Yet, now even with him knowing this, he was surprised by her comment. Surprised because for some reason, he didn't know why, but he could tell that this person sitting on the other side of that glass was different somehow. In some way.
He looked back at her and nodded slowly, "Okay, but..."
"You were right," she said shifting uncomfortably in her chair, "this was a mistake. You shouldn't have come here."
He looked at her curiously for a moment before he responded, "No, I think I came just in time."
He watched as she quickly stilled her movements in the chair. Then a smile formed on her lips. This smile wasn't the same that he shared with Willow when talking about their first meeting. Nor was it the same that he knew from Dawn's face after they discussed worst Sunnydale High teachers in the Hellmouth's history. Yet, it was not one that was new to him either. No, this was the smile he knew. A smile that he never thought he would see again, nor care to see. The smirk. The expression. The laugh. It was as if he were seeing the past through a looking glass. This was the same smile. The same laugh that he had experienced that night in the motel room. The night she tried to kill him.
"My savior," she said laughing while turning her head to the side. Xander just watched her. He could do nothing else as her laugh died down and she looked back directly at him, "You think that whatever I say matters? Whatever I do? Nothing matters. Not in here. Not out there. It's all just one big ole' world of nothing. Don't you get that?"
"Faith," Xander said trying to reach her, trying to get that person that he was talking to just a few minutes ago back, "It does matter. You matter."
That same smile danced on her lips, this time followed by a laugh that kept building till it abruptly came to a silent stop, "So noble. You really are a sucker for hope aren't you Xander Harris. Look at your life. Do you find much hope in your life? In your friends?" His silence only urged her on, "Do you not see it? Are you blind? Every day you fight the good fight. Every day you support them. Support her. And every day how far does that get you? How far does that get them?"
"Faith..."
"No? No words of valor? No speeches about hope and fighting the good fight?"
"Faith..."
"Or maybe, you do see what I see," she said leaning close to her side of the glass, "Maybe you just won't admit it. Won't admit that all of your acts, all of your support, all of your fight. It all means nothing. That you do the same things over and over again day in and day out and it gets you no where but right back where you started at."
Faith sat there quietly just watching him. When his silence lingered she continued, "No? Hmm... maybe you're right then," she said backing away from the glass, leaning back into chair, "Maybe I'm the one who can't see the forest for the trees. God knows I haven't seen a tree in awhile."
Neither of them said a word as they sat in silence. A silence that was broken only by one of the guards inside the room speaking up, "Time's up Faith," the guard said. Faith gave Xander one last look before starting to get up.
"What?" she asked into the phone, stopping before she hung up.
"I said, you want hope. I'll give you hope," Xander said before hanging up. His gaze held her there until he suddenly got up, turned and walked out of the room.
She continued to stare at the door even after he had gone. "Warden's ready to see you now," the guard said, her attention suddenly turned.
"Finally, now let's get this over with. I have a shower to get to," she said before being lead out of the room. While she was being escorted to see the Warden she thought about her and Xander's conversation one last time and couldn't help but wonder who exactly was right.
*****************************
California Women's Facility
San Diego, California
12:55 P.M.
New Loop
Faith awoke with a start. She had been in this hold for some time and figured it was nearing a month but she wasn't sure. There wasn't much she was sure of since she had came to this place less than a year ago. Well, except for the way she put Rosa and all of her girls to the ground. That she was sure of. She couldn't help but smile at the thought. Her smile faded however when she heard the lock on the confinement door. She squinted her eyes, the light shining in from the slightly opened door. She waited for one of the guards to move into the open and lead her out but no one stepped out. Instead, the door closed as quickly as it had been opened.
She looked around the empty and dark room with her senses on overload. Getting up suddenly, Faith leaned against the far wall in a defensive posture. There was someone or something in here with her. That she was sure of.
"Oh, what I wouldn't have give to had this ability when I was in high school."
Immediately after hearing the voice, Faith went on the offensive and attacked. She landed a blow, feeling the weight of whoever it was fall to the ground in pain.
"Ow!" the voice said from the ground before the outline of their body started to fade into view.
"Who the hell are you?" Faith asked ready to inflict more pain.
"You always have to talk with your fists don't ya?" the person said. She could see the person rub their head with their hand as the person stood up.
"Xander? What the.... what are you doing here? Wait, is Buffy..."
"No, I'm alone."
"I don't understand."
"You will. Now come on," he said reaching out his hand and taking a hold of hers.
"I'm not going anywhere with you. Besides, we wouldn't get five steps out there without someone seeing us. There would be guards all over us in ten seconds tops," she said before pulling away a little, "Wait, how did you get in here anyways?"
Xander turned to face her with a smile, "Don't worry. I'm invisible. No one will see us."
"Uh, I can see you just fine."
"That's because I made you invisible too," he said before correcting himself, "Well, actually the guy I hired just outside did but nonetheless, you're invisible."
Faith followed him outside of the solitary confinement hold and watched as he shut the door slowly. The sun lit up the prison yard as she squinted from the rays. Shielding her eyes she looked up into the sky, her attention focusing on the prison towers above the various corners, "Why haven't they seen us?" she said with the guards just standing at their posts.
"I told you, we're invisible," Xander said as she turned back around to face him, "Who the fuck is he?"
"That's the guy I was telling you about. Casper," Xander said nodding towards the man. The man nodded back slowly.
"Casper? As in the ghost Casper?" Faith asked incredulously.
"No, Casper as in The Looking Glass book store owner Casper. Though, it does kind of make you wonder about Scooby Doo doesn't it?" Xander said.
Faith looked back towards the man as she sized him up. Judging by his facial features she guessed he was no older than thirty, thirty five tops. His hair was as dark as the shades he wore. His attire was what got her attention the most though. He was dressed in a pair of tan khakis and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His shoes, penny loffers, definitely weren't the standard issue that one might guess be used to break someone out of jail with either. If anything this man looked like a banker to her, definitely not a hired hand. Hell, he didn't even have the bookstore owner look to him.
"Hey," Faith said nodding towards the man in greeting.
"Uh, he's not really in favor of the talking," Xander said after Faith's greeting went without acknowledgement.
"Yeah, whatever," Faith said turning around and looking back up at the guard towers. She looked up at the guard who just stood there as he scanned the same area that she was now standing at. When the guard turned his head Faith looked at them in amusement. Then looking down on the ground around her she picked up a small rock. Then with a smile on her face she glanced up at the guard's tower and launched the rock towards it. A minute later there stood a very pissed off guard with a sore back. The guard looked around the area seeing nothing, spitting out expletives every now and then.
"Uh Faith, as fun as peg the rock on the guard's back is, we need to be moving," Xander said.
She took another look around the prison yard before looking at Xander. He watched her demeanor change instantly to one of a more serious nature, "Why are you so interested in breaking me out of here anyway? If it were for end of the world big Angel would've came. Hell, maybe even Buffy. So what gives?"
"I want to help you?"
Faith stood her ground and stared back at him. A chuckle escaping her lips, "You want to help me? You want to help the person who tried to kill you? Yeah, try again."
Xander sighed before taking a step towards her, "Faith, I see the way you are. The way you live in here. I want to help."
"Well, see that's the thing. The government don't put murderers up into the Hilton like they use to. This is all I have. There's nothing I can do. This is my place now," she said pausing, "Besides, it's not that bad. I have plenty to eat and between Rosa and her crew I always get in a good work out now and then."
"You don't have to live like this. Not today. Today is your get out of jail free card day."
"And why's that? Why is this the day that Xander Harris decided to help me? What makes today so special?"
"Because today is the day that I offer you a ride on my Harley."
"Your Harley? You own a Harley? As in Harley Davidson?"
"Is there any other?"
"So it is the end of the world."
"Why do all the women I know say that? Can't a man change his image every now and then?"
"Let's say for argument's sake that I went with you. What then? I have a lot of people who probably want me dead on the outside, like say oh, the council. Can you guarantee my safety? More importantly," she said turning back around to face him, "can you guarantee your own? After all I'm not in here because of my card tricks."
"I'll be fine."
"Hmm..."
"So what's it gonna be Faith? Riding down the highway on a Harley or playing who's gonna pick up that soap?" Xander said, "It's your call. Just make it fast."
"Make it fast? What, are you trying to make the record books for fastest prison breakout or something?"
"No, it's just I'm being charged by the hour," Xander said nodding back towards the man behind him.
Faith let out an annoyed sigh as she turned her back to him. She just stood there looking out into the yard. What was the problem she thought. Why was she not jumping at this opportunity? This was her chance out. Her chance at freedom. Yet, here she was acting as if it were something to be concerned about. If this would have been two years ago she'd been out of here by now. Taking any offer like the one she was just handed. She could be out of here in less than a half hour. Then she could take the Harley from him and be out of town and gone. Gone from it all. Gone from all the misery that came with California. From the pain. Oh how she yearned for that so much. To just get away. Away from anyone or anything that knew her. Away from this God forsaken prison. Away from herself. Yet, that voice inside of her kept pulling her back.
~~~~~~~~~~
Flashback
Angel's old place
May 2, 2000
"You're in no condition to leave here. You walk out that door now and you'll be running for the rest of your life - and my bet is - it'll be a pretty short run."
Faith walks past him, "You know what? It doesn't matter."
Angel steps between her and the door, "It does matter. It matters to me."
"Why are you doing this? Why are you being nice to me? Just - stop it. You're gonna step aside or do we throw down? I mean, am I your prisoner here?"
"No. You're not my prisoner."
"So I'm free."
"I don't know about that," he says sliding the door behind him open, "but the door is open."
He watches as Faith walks past him, "Where are you gonna go? Back out in that darkness?" he says, Faith hesitating before continuing to walk away, "I once told you that you didn't have to go out in that darkness." Faith stops, her back to him, "Remember? That it was your choice. Well, you chose - You thought that you could just touch it. That you'd be okay," he says slowly walking closer to her, "5X5, right, Faith? - But it swallowed you whole. - So tell me," he says standing behind her, "how did you like it?"
Faith turns and slugs him hard. He doesn't retaliate, just slowly turns back to look at her. She stares for a moment then looks anywhere but at him. Then hesitantly she whispered, "Help me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It played fresh in her mind, a film that had been relayed time and time again. In a lot of ways it was her salvation. She was here because of what he did for her. He didn't merely save her life, that she could defend and protect on her own well enough. No, what he did. What he saved, someone had done for him. He gave her back her soul. That act transcended far and beyond her life.
As she stood in this prison yard, freedom staring her in the face, she couldn't help the smile that crept upon her face. Turning around she walked up to Xander, "Sorry bout this, with you breaking in here and all but I can't go with you. I'm - my whole life, I've ran from things. People who gave me a chance, who tried to help me. Buffy, Giles, Angel, Wesley," she said pausing for a moment after mentioning the former watcher's name, "I'm tired of running. Tired of constantly looking over my shoulder. I can't do that anymore. Not now. Not after what I've been given," she said turning her back to him, looking out into the prison yard, "I won't do that anymore."
As she looked off into the yard she thought about Angel. Wondered what he was doing right this minute. There was no doubt in her mind that he was saving someone from something. That was what he did after all. It was his calling. She hoped one day that she got that chance again. A chance to help. At least she thought she did. So much undetermined, so much uncertain and yet so much so clear at this very moment to her.
"I understand," she heard Xander say as her eyes followed his shadow on the ground, listening to him behind her, "So much endured. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that you have felt. The pain that you have inflicted in your life. Upon friends. Loved ones. Hell, even perfect strangers. But here's the thing. I want to help you. I want to help you the way Angel helped you," she heard him say, his words urging her to face him as she turned back around, "That's why I'm doing this," he said catching her off guard as he tossed some colored dust from his hand into the air, directly in contact with her face.
"Wha -- is... " Faith said, her eyes feeling heavy as her body began to give way into his arms.
"To help you," he finished saying, Faith lying limp in his arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's just, uh... I heard about what happened, and I thought you might need a friend."
"So then, go talk to Buffy. She's the one who killed a guy."
"Yeah. I heard that version."
"Version?" Faith says, not amused.
"Either way," Xander says sighing, "I-it sounds like it was an accident, and that's the important part."
"No, the important part is that Buffy is the accidental murderer," Faith said making finger quotes.
"Faith, you may not think so, but I sort of know you. And I've seen you post-battle. And I know firsthand that you're, um... like a wild thing. And half the time, you don't know what you're doing."
"And you're living proof of that, aren't you?"
"See, you're trying to hurt me. But right now, you need someone on your side. What happened wasn't your fault. And I'm willing to testify to that in court if you need me."
"You'd dig that, wouldn't you?" she said giving him a sexy look, "To get up in front of all your geek pals and go on record about how I made you my boy toy for a night."
"No. N-n-n-n-no, that's not it."
"I know what this is all about," she said taking a step closer to him while running her fingertips all around his face, "You just came by here 'cause you want another taste, don't you?"
"No! I mean, it was nice. It was great. It was kind of a blur. But, okay, some day, sure, yay, but not now. Not like this."
"More like how then?" Faith said, grabbing hold of his head, "Lights on or off? Kinks or vanilla?"
"Faith come on," Xander said, jerking away from her, "I came here to help you. I thought we had a connection," he says searching her eyes for something. For anything.
She laughs out loud before grabbing hold of his shirt, shoving him onto the bed and jumping on top of him, "You wanna feel a connection? It's just skin," she says opening his shirt, "I see... I want... I take. I forget," she said kissing him hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Faith jerked awake, instantly grabbing her head for doing so. She felt like she was spinning. Her senses were on overload which only made the head rush worse. Her hand touched the ground and she couldn't help but look down at it. "Well, it's about time sleepy head," she heard from behind her. Instantly she remembered. The images flooded back into her head. She looked across her right shoulder as she watched him come up from behind her out the corner of her eye.
"I thought you'd never wake up. The day's already halfway over."
"Where are we?"
"Does it matter? You're free."
Slowly getting to her feet her sight came into focus around her.
"Beautiful isn't it? Well, except for the smog," he said coming up beside her.
"Get the hell away from me," she said before turning to face him, "What's your deal? You in the kidnapping business now? What, the slaying business that bad?"
"You wouldn't come so I did what I had too. Believe me, I tried everything I could to get you to come with me freely but you wouldn't."
"So that's the way you operate now. If you don't get what you want, you take it?"
A smirk slowly crept upon his face, "Worked fine for you once."
Faith had her deterrent look going but her eyes deceived her, "Yeah, it did, but look where it got me. In prison."
"Not anymore," he said nodding out into the scenery that overlooked the city.
"So what gives? Why you doing this? Does Buffy know about it? There's no way she'd let you ..."
"Let me what? Break you out? Set you free? No probably not, but you know what? Buffy's not here now is she?"
After a moment he took a step towards her, "If you get anywhere near me I'll break you in half," she said.
He stopped and gave her a look, "Wouldn't be the first time."
"What the hells your deal Xander? If you don't tell me what this is all about and do it quick I'll put you down just as quick."
"You know, as much as you and Buffy don't want to admit it, you're alike in a lot of ways. Both of you always think you have to do things alone." After a moment he sighed while putting his hands into his pockets, "Fine, I'll tell you. Better yet, I'll show you," he said walking over to his Harley, "Well, are you going to get on or not. What? You don't trust me? Oh for... you said it yourself, you can put me down anytime you want. I'm not a threat."
Despite herself, Faith couldn't help but be curious. She walked towards him slowly, taking one last look at him before mounting the bike behind him, "And to think, usually you're the only one on top," he said receiving a shove from her, nearly knocking him off of the bike.
"Sorry, couldn't help it."
"Just shut up and drive," she said as they started down the road.
***********************
IN-N-OUT Burger
6000 Pacific Blvd., Huntington Park
Los Angeles, CA
9:01 P.M.
"Not that I don't mind eating at the other guy's expense, especially since I haven't had a good cheese burger in awhile, but this can't be what you kidnapped me out of prison for," Faith said after finishing off her cheeseburger.
Xander reached out and picked up a fry as he dipped it into ketchup. He brought it up to his mouth, savoring the taste as he licked his fingers clean from any evidence, "That's got to be a first you know?"
Faith leaned back in her booth and gave him a questioning look, "Kidnapping from prison," he clarified.
"Look, it's not that I don't appreciate the gesture. Breaking a gal out of prison and all, not to mention kicking burgers but don't you think it's about time you let me in on the why?"
"You want another burger? Hey, maybe one of their deserts. You should try their malts. Wait, you're probably more of a hot fudge kind of girl aren't ya. Yeah, let's go with that. Ooh, you'll love the way they put the fudge all around the ice cream. You'll never have any better."
"Has your hearing gone to the same place your brain apparently went? Did you not hear me?" she said leaning up and over the table, "I am tired of being led around on this trip of yours. So I suggest you either let me in on the joke or..."
"Or what? You'll kill me?" he said, getting a knee jerk reaction out of her, "Just a thought but maybe making a scene in a public place isn't the right thing to do when you're an escaped convict."
"Kidnapped," she corrected him while slowly leaning back into her booth.
"You say tomato I say tamato."
"Were you always this annoying?"
"Probably not," he said smiling as the waitress brought him his second order of fries.
"Thank you Rachel," he said as the waitress gave him a strange look, "So where were we?"
"Leaving," Faith said as she got up from her booth and started walking out.
Faith was just about to the door when a hand grabbed a hold of her shoulder. Whirling around, she let her fist fly only to have her arm pulled back from behind her. Soon she was double teamed as her mind raced to catch up with the situation.
"No one's leaving," the man in front of her said out loud, "If you try you die."
The few people who were left in the place began to stir. One, a young man who looked to be in his twenties, jumped up from his seat and tried to make an exit through the back. In less than five seconds he was dead. His neck snapped as he laid on the ground with his executioner standing over him.
"Did I not say try and you die?" the man in front of Faith asked to the one holding her, "I swear, these humans never learn."
"Well, that's one thing we have in common then."
The man turned around and stared at the female being held by his friend, "What did you say?" He took a step closer to her, "You wanna be next with that smart mouth?"
"Actually, what I really want is some wood... er, a piece of wood actually," Faith said, a confused look forming on the man's face, "Oh yeah, I've been in prison way too long," she said before using her leverage against the one holding her. Kicking her feet out she landed a solid blow to the one in front of her before bringing her feet back to the ground. This act had knocked some of the momentum the man holding her had as his grip loosened. Faith then snapped her head back as it connected with the him, breaking his hold on her and probably his nose by the sound of it. She whirled around just as he changed into his visage.
"Well, about time you showed your true colors."
The vampire snarled in agony at his state before lunging at her. He was tossed back against the wall for his troubles. Faith turned back around and took in the scene. The one who seemed to be the leader had just gotten back up and the one who had killed the young man was just now coming around to the front.
"You're dead," the one in front of her said as he got off of the ground, his true visage now showing.
"Three on one eh?" Faith said just as he attacked. His attack so unmastered that she had no trouble blocking his par ayes. Grabbing a hold of his wrists, she brought her knee up into his face, sending him backwards and onto the ground. Spinning around she caught the blow from the one behind her as she flung him up and into one of the booths. She turned back around but not fast enough. Her head snapped back from the blow. Her instincts now in full force, she got control of her body and blocked the third vamp's next attack. With one sweep of her feet his legs went out from under him as he hit the floor. For the first time since the fight broke out Faith looked up to see the few people remaining hurrying out the door. All that is, except Xander, who was merely sitting in the booth as he continued to chow down on his second order of fries.
This momentary distraction was all that it took for her to get tackled to the ground from behind. Facing the ground Faith throw her elbow back into the vamp's face. The blow allowed her to roll over and flip herself back up. At that exact moment her hand whipped out in front of her catching the wooden stake that was tossed in her direction. Snapping her head where it came from she saw Xander finishing off the last of his fries with a smile. It was if he were watching a show as he took a sip from his coke while leaning back. When he put his glass out in front of him as if giving her a nod of approval Faith rolled her eyes as she moved her attention back to the vamps.
"What the hell is your beef? All we wanted was a little fast food," one of them said.
"See that's the problem with you men. Always wanting it now. Got to always rush it. Has to be hard and fast," she said. To her left she heard Xander clear his throat. "Oh, right that's the way I like it too."
She leapt at the vamps knocking one to the ground, exchanging blows with another. The one she was fighting definitely was the best fighter among them but he was no match. Even with her lay off from slaying Faith could see every move he was about to make before he made it. Two seconds later he was dust. Spinning as the dust settled around her she jabbed one of the other vamps in the chest. Her head snapped up as she heard the last vamp make a run for the exit. When he reached for the door he felt the stake enter his back. He only had enough time to look down to see the protruding stake before becoming dust himself.
"Forty three point eight seconds. Not bad," Xander said getting up from his seat and walking up towards her, "So how'd it feel to be back in the game?"
"About like this," Faith said grabbing a hold of him by the shirt as she slammed his back up and onto the counter, "I don't know what it is you think you are..." she paused, realization dawning on her, "Wait a second, you knew those vamps would be here tonight. That's why you..." she let go of him as she walked a few feet away, "That's why you brought me here tonight," she sighed, "Son of a bitch! You set me up." Xander leaned back up, fingering at his now torn shirt, "I don't need this shit. I'm out of here," Faith said starting towards the door.
Xander let out an annoyed sigh, "You know what, fine. Go back and rot in your prison. See if I care," he said as Faith continued towards the door, "I give you this freedom and this is the way you thank me. By throwing it back in my face?"
"Freedom?" Faith said spinning back around, "You call being kidnapped and being led on some joy ride against your will freedom?"
"Oh please," Xander said shaking his head, "Like you didn't enjoy doing those vamps." Faith's eyes spoke of her true feelings even when her posture claimed otherwise, "You were made to fight vamps Faith. You know it and I know it. You get off on it just as much as I got off on watching you fight them just now," he said moving up closer to her.
"Stay the hell away from me."
Xander stopped and gazed at her a few feet from her. His expression suddenly changed and then shaking his head he turned around. Faith watched him take a few steps away from her before coming to a halt. He just stood there. Stood there so quietly that Faith was about to say something merely to break the silence until he spoke up, "Do you know how many times we've had this conversation and yet ever single time you say the same thing? Doesn't matter what I do different. What I say different. It never changes. None of it. I keep on trying to ... trying," he chuckled to himself, his tone changing, "It… it never changes," he said once again before growing quiet.
"Xander I think you need to call Buffy. Something's definitely wrong..."
She trailed off as she heard his laugh. "Doesn't matter. She can't help. Believe me I've tried. I've tried them all. Giles, Willow, hell I'd even try Spike if I thought it would work."
"Tried? Tried what? Xander what the hell is this all about?" Faith asked.
Xander looked up. His eyes caught glance of a man wrapped up in layers of tattered clothing as he moved along side the restaurant. The man, if you could call him that, looked as if he hadn't had a meal in forever. His face was pale and thin. His bony hand pushed up against the outer window as he stumbled, leaning against the windows for support. Xander followed his movements all the way to the door as it opened.
"None of it matters," Xander said in almost a whisper.
Faith's attention also followed the man as he crept inside the restaurant, "Wouldn't happen to have some spare change now would ya?"
Faith's attention went back to Xander as she watched his demeanor immediately change, "Sure, in fact, sit down and let me get you something warm to drink."
As the man struggled to walk she recognized that this man was much older than she originally thought. "You'd do that? You'd do that for an old man? Why thanks young'n."
"No problem, just take a seat," Xander said moving around and behind the counter as he picked up the coffee pot, "Here you go," he said pouring the coffee into a cup he retrieved from underneath the counter. When the coffee cup was slid up to the old man his face lit up as if the cup of coffee was a pot of gold. Faith watched him take a sip. It seemed to burn him as he moved the cup from his lip and cringed a bit. A second later though he brought it back up to him and took another one. Soon he was taking it in like he had been drinking coffee his whole life. After a few long swigs from the cup he put it back down on the counter.
The older man glanced towards Faith, a huge smile of gratitude evident, "Now that hits the spot. Thank you young man." The man licked his lips, still reveling in the warmness of the drink.
"More?" Xander asked grabbing the man's cup to refill. The man quickly put up his hand, "No, no, I couldn't accept anymore for free. You have been kind enough as it is."
Xander stopped for a second before looking back at the old man thoughtfully, "I'll tell you what, you tell me a little about yourself and we'll call it even."
The man's face wore a baffled look as he objected, "No, no, I can not..."
"Yes, you can. And you will."
Faith watched the old man sigh in defeat before his face slowly showed a smile, "Well, that's ... young man, you've got yourself a deal," he said. Xander smiled up at Faith before he continued to refill the man's cup of coffee, "So where are you from?" Xander asked while doing so.
"Atlanta, Georgia. Name's Willie by the way."
"Wow, that's quite a ways Willie. My names Xander, gal over there is Faith."
The man looked at Faith and nodded with a smile. She could only manage a slight nod as she continued to take in the strange scene.
"And just what brought you to our bright and sunny state of California after all?"
The man grew quite for a moment. For a second there Faith thought he may have passed out but then he continued, "My wife Margie died. Doctor said it was a stroke. She was only outside for a few minutes. Just like every other day. Working on her garden. Nothing wrong with that now is there?" he said, Xander agreeing with a nod, "I just... I never saw it coming. First Margie and then the bank foreclosing on the house. We never had no need to plan you know? At least that's what I kept telling Margie. She tried my Margie did but ...." The man stopped as he stared at the cup of coffee, thoughts evident in his mind.
"I'm sorry, that must be terrible," Xander said.
"Yeah," the man said taking a sip from his cup. After putting the cup back down the man sat there quietly for a moment as if waiting for something to hit him. Then as if the coffee had given him newfound strength his head snapped back up, "But you know what they say, God has a reason for everything."
"Yes. That is what they say isn't it?" Xander said while moving around and out from behind the counter. He walked up to the man as he took another sip from the cup while nodding.
"Now he's led me here. Margie's step brother lives out here somewhere. I know it. I just have to find him. Yep, it's only a matter of time," the man said nodding as if reassuring himself. He took the last swig from the cup before sitting it down with a satisfied sigh, "That is some fine coffee you've got here. It don't get any better than this."
"Nope, it sure doesn't," Xander said, his tone drawing Faith's attention, "It sure doesn't."
She watched him drive a knife into the back of the man in one hard swoop. She jerked from the action nearly as hard as the man did. The older man slumped forward while turning, his eyes boring into Faith's, as he fell from his seat to the floor face first.
"Nothing ever does." Faith heard Xander mutter under his breath. Xander began moving away but she was unaware. The only thing she could do was stare at the body as it laid there. Forcing herself to move, she walked up towards it. Her heart beating so fast that it felt like it was going to come out of her chest. She saw herself leaning down over the body. Saw her hand reach out and touch the body. Then watched her hand came in contact with the neck. She didn't know why she did this but she did. Looking up she saw Xander walking outside of the restaurant. She watched him as he leaned up against the wall. A second later he kneeled over quickly as every bit of his food he had ate minutes before left his body.
Her attention was brought back inside the restaurant as she felt the warmness on her hand.. Looking down she slowly lifted her hand from the neck and turned it over. Her hand covered in it. Her thoughts immediately went back to that night in the alley. The man leaning up against the dumpster. It was everywhere. He was drenched in it. Warm and dark. It was the same and she felt it now. The only sensation she felt and because of it she found herself wishing that she had none at all. Getting up she frantically searched for something to wipe it off with. Anything. Pulling out a few napkins from the dispenser she tried to get it off but she could still feel it on her. Rushing around and behind the counter she ran to the nearest sink and turned the water on. She immediately started scrubbing her hands. She felt her hands scream out in agony from the heat of it. Frantically, she turned the water to cool and let it run over them. Even when the warmness was gone she still continued to scrub. Every now and then she would look up while doing so. Soon her eyes found their way outside. Her frustration, and anger mounting she turned and marched towards the door, not even bothering to turn off the water. Pushing the doors open wide with one hard thrust she went right up to Xander who was still leaning against the wall. She grabbed a hold of him from behind and flung him to the ground in front of her, "You bastard!"
She watched as he staggered to his feet laughing, his face bloody from where he hit the pavement. "What the hell is wrong with you!"
"Don't you get it? It doesn't matter. Nothing does. It's just like you said Faith," he said staggering up to her. Faith punched him as he staggered back to the ground. He laid there on his stomach for a minute muttering out loud as he spat up blood.
"I'm calling Buffy, this is crazy. Do you realize what you've done?"
"Yeah, I killed someone who will be here at the exact same time tomorrow," Xander coughed out as he dragged himself to his feet, "The day after that, and the day after that."
Faith was watching him but she was also looking for a payphone. She turned to look up both sides of the street but saw none. She turned back towards Xander to see him staggering into the middle of the street.
"Xander!"
"None of it matters," he said standing in the middle of the street. A bus bearing down upon him as the driver rang his horn loud. Faith took off, her feet moving so fast that not even the bus driver registered her until she threw herself into Xander as they both went flying. The bus slid to a stop past them as Faith leaned up from the ground with Xander next to her. The bus driver leaned out the window as he screamed out at them. Faith watched as he cursed out a few obscenities before slowly moving back down the road.
"Xander," Faith said trying to help him up.
"Get away from me!" he shouted, shoving her back as she fell back a bit.
"What is wrong with you?" she asked getting to her feet, "Tonight, this… What the hell happened to you?"
He laughed as he dragged himself up, "Yeah, well, we all change now don't we? Isn't that what life's about? Moving forward. Growing? Oh wait, no it isn't. Not anymore."
"Okay, that's it. I'm tired, I need a shower and you obviously need psychiatric help. We are taking you to the hospital and then I'm calling Buffy."
"Gee, I thought maybe we could dispose the body first. You know, since you have experience in that area and all."
Faith cocked her head as her eyes narrowed, "What?"
"Oh come on Faith, this kind of thing should be normal for you right? I mean, you seemed to have no problem with the lifestyle before. Seemed to enjoy it enough then. Wait, I know what your problem is. You haven't gotten any in awhile. Well, maybe we can change that too," he said with a smirk, the blood on his face already drying into a crimson color.
"Yeah, I'm going to have to knock you out before we take you to the hospital," she said.
"Always were one for the roughness," Xander said as she approached him. She was about ready to pull back and land a blow when he suddenly began to slump forward. Faith's reflexes took hold as she caught him before he fell. She held him uncomfortably for a minute as she looked down at his unconscious form, "Bastard just had to pass out," she muttered out loud.
****************************
Super 8 Motel
1341 W Sunset Blvd,
Los Angeles, CA
Room 228
10:05 P.M.
Faith ran the warm water over the washrag. She turned the water off and rang the washrag a bit before turning and walking back into the main room. The newsman continued to talk about the new budget plan bill heading to congress but not much else. There hadn't been any news brief about an escaped convict or reports about any restaurants being held up. Why am I not surprised? she thought. Picking up the remote, Faith turned off the TV as she made her way to the bed where Xander was. When she sat on it he began to stir.
"Well, it's about time sleepy head. I thought you'd never wake up," Faith said. "What, no hello?"
Xander tried to lean up but only succeeded in making the pain worse. Reaching up with his hand, he dabbed at his head. "Here," Faith tossed him the rag, hitting him square in the stomach as he winced, "compliments of the motel." Xander eyed her for a minute before taking the rag and dabbing his forehead with it.
"How did you afford the room?" he asked. Faith pulled out his wallet from her pants.
"So, who'd you rip off?" Faith asked, tossing the wallet on the bed, "No way someone gets that kind of money and does it legally. There's got to be what? Six? Seven Grand there?"
"Just lucky I guess," Xander said, seeming more interested in his own blood on the rag than the conversation.
"Yeah, lucky to be alive. More lucky that you passed out and missed out on my fist though." Faith said.
"Were you practicing your good cop all this time in prison because if you were, let me just say, not very good."
"Well, you know me. Never was much with the good routine anyways," Faith said leaning against the air conditioner unit by the window, "Doesn't matter though. I got a hold of Buffy. She and Giles are on their way."
Xander chuckled slightly while sliding off the bed, "You think that matters? Really, come on Faith."
Faith's expression took on a more serious one, "What you did Xander. Do you know what you've done?"
He stood there quietly. Looking down at the rag covered with his blood, he felt a knot in his throat. Pushing it aside, he tossed the rag to the floor and looked back up at her, "Nothing you haven't done yourself. Isn't that right Faith?"
"Pretty much but you. You haven't even begun to realize it yet but you have just flushed everything that makes you who you are. Everything that made you good."
"Awe, that is so touching. Do you really mean that Faith? I never knew you cared about me so much and to think all this time I was wrong. Damn, prison really does change a person," Xander said while picking up his wallet off of the bed.
"Fuck you!"
"Sorry Faith but not a road I want to go down again. It must be my head trauma talking but you don't seem as attractive as you use to," he said turning around.
"You're not leaving this room."
He stopped, a half grin on his face, "Faith, you don't have to keep this act up okay," he said turning back around, "Pretty soon you'll be back in your nice little solitary confinement with not a care in the world. You know, I almost envy you. Not knowing."
"Not knowing what Xander? That you have done nothing but well, do nothing this whole time. You must've wanted me to know something? I mean, you didn't break me out of prison for nothing right? So come on Xander, here I am, enlighten me."
"Why not?" he said shrugging after a moment, "Not as if I don't have any time on my hands." He looked down at his watch and couldn't help but chuckle after doing so, "I'll be damned." he tapped the broken watch before looking back up at Faith with a smile, "I guess I really don't have any time on my hands."
"Well, don't worry because you'll have plenty of time right next to me in prison after what you did tonight."
"Not likely," he said sitting down on the edge of the bed, "You see Faith, you don't see the world for what it really is. It's not your fault. In fact, just as I said, I almost envy you. Not knowing the truth."
"Not knowing the… " Faith said trailing off as she stood up from her leaning position, "You don't have a clue how I see the world. What it's like. You envy me? Don't you dare. You can't even begin to think of what it is to be in that position."
"No?" he said, a chuckle escaping his lips as he got up from his sitting position. He walked up to her, "Have you ever been in confinement?"
"No, of course not. You usually get to go to the park when you're punished in prison," Faith said.
"No, I'm not talking about solitary confinement. I'm talking real confinement. The kind of confinement that makes you wonder if there is anything out there that's worth saving. The kind where you can't even talk to your best friend because she doesn't even know what you are talking about?"
"Well, seeing as I have no friends I'd say yeah. I can relate."
A smile came across his face as he nodded. He turned around and walked a few feet before stopping in front of the TV. He grew quiet for a minute before picking up the TV guide from the top of the TV. Turning back around towards Faith, he tossed it to her as she caught it against her chest, "Ever seen the movie Memento?"
"What?"
"Memento. Page twenty two. It comes on tomorrow night on HBO. Ever seen it?"
"I-I, uh, don't think... what's this have to do with ..."
"It's about a man looking for his wife's killer. Only this man has this disability. This uh, short term memory thing. It was a result from a blow to the head that he received when he walked in on his wife's attack. He wakes up in the same hotel room every morning with no knowledge of what he's doing there or what has happened. The only things he knows are the tattoo's that he gets to use as notes to remind himself of what he's found out previously."
"Sounds like a freakish movie. So what?"
"But that's the point. I don't know if it's freakish. I've never seen it. I've only read the summary."
"Oookay, I'm not following."
"You know," Xander said as he began to slowly pace, "Sometimes I wonder what would he had done if he could've never pulled it off. What if he could've never found his wife's killer because of his situation. What would he had done? Would he go insane? Would he gradually learn to live with it? How much is too much for one man to take? Going through the same thing every single day. The same doubt. The same fears," Xander said. He stopped his pacing and looked up at her, "How much? How much until it ... until it all comes to an end?"
"Okay, that's the last time you ever read one of these," Faith said, tearing the TV guide in half and tossing it in the trash. "What's this all about Xander? What are you doing here?"
She got no response as he just stood there silently.
"Xander I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on," she said, his back now turned to her.
"You can't help me. No one can," he said, suddenly starting for the door.
"Oh no you don't!" Faith said out loud going up to him. She grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around to face her as his back came in contact with the door, "You can either tell me what's going on or you'll tell Buffy when she gets here. One way or the other, you're not leaving this room until you do some talking."
"Oh really?" Xander said.
"You're choice," Faith said, pinning him against the door as he started laughing. "Something you find funny about all of this?" she asked.
"Only the fact that in what could be a matter of minutes you'll be in the same situation only it'll probably be guards doing the pinning and you won't remember a thing about any of this." Faith's grip on him tightened as his laugh became strained but not any less annoying to her, "Do you know how much I tried? How many times... how many things I did to try and make you happy? The number of times I've broke you out of prison?"
"What?"
"None of it mattered. None of it."
"What the hell are you rambling about?" she asked, her gripe loosening on him a bit.
"You just can't be helped. Sorry Faith, but you're a lost cause." A chuckle escaped his lips, "I probably should've just tried to get into your pants instead."
Before she could even respond Xander leaned forward and captured her lips with his own. Momentarily stunned, she tried to pull back but it only allowed Xander to free himself from her grip. He moved his hands up to her face to get a better hold on her as he deepened the kiss. Faith felt the force of his lips upon hers. She pulled back, the back of her foot hitting the bottom of the long chester drawers behind her. Catching her balance a bit, Faith pushed him back hard, sending him backwards as he hit the door and fell to the ground.
"Bastard!" she yelled. Closing the distance between them she reached down and dragged him back up by the collar. She slammed him to his left against the wall as he tried to shake the cobwebs out, "A lost cause? You haven't seen lost," Faith shouted, knocking him to the ground again. "You think you know me, huh? Well, tell me what I'm about to do," she said pulling him to his feet again before slamming him against the wall, "Tell me!" Her breathing was erratic as she knocked him to the ground again. "Tell me how well you know me now!" she said pulling him to his feet once more.
The left side of his face was already starting to show signs of slight bruising and blood was showing out the corner of his mouth. Yet, he still somehow managed a smile, "What's the matter Faith? Can't..." It was all that he got out as Faith suddenly claimed his lips with her own, her hands pulling his face to hers. This time Faith deepened the kiss. Just as Faith had been a few moments before when he did the same to her, Xander was momentarily taken back by the kiss and the pain her pressure gave him but he pushed it aside as he took a hold of her as well.
Faith pulled back from the kiss, grabbed a hold of his matted shirt collar and slammed him against the door. It took only a second for Faith to reclaim his lips. Her hands were roaming the front of his chest as they continued to try and devour one another. Suddenly he pushed forward, catching her off guard as he took control and shoved her up against the wall. With Faith against the wall, Xander closed the gap between them as he kissed her roughly.
Then he sprung up from his bed with a start. The sun shining in on him from the outside window as he looked around at his bedroom. His face and body showing no signs of the abuse it had only moments ago. He looked at the clock that read eight after six. "Oh, that's just not fair," he said out loud.
Even though his breathing was normal he could feel the intensity from his previous act with Faith. He could still taste her lips upon him. Even the coppery taste of his own blood. Everything was playing back in his head from the motel room. Then came the conversation with Faith. Her words replaying in his head. Pushing himself up and out of bed he tried freeing himself of these thoughts. He got up and went over to his chester drawer where his wallet was on top. Picking up his pants from the floor, he put them on and then retrieved his wallet. The only thing he could think of was going back. He had to finish that encounter with her in the motel. He couldn't think of anything else. The desire. The emotion. It excited him more with each passing second. With each thought he could see everything being played out in it's entirety. Him taking Faith. Yet, each time his thoughts began to play out the scenerios they always found their way back to the conversation with Faith. No matter how hard he tried to suppress them they kept creeping back up. His thoughts trailed off as he heard the front door to his apartment being opened.
"Xander? Xander's it's me. It's Buffy." He looked towards his bedroom door as he heard her moving along the floor in the living room, "Xander?" she said out loud once again.
Suddenly, the conversation quit playing in his head. It was as if a peace came over him. He couldn't explain it and yet didn't seem to care to either.
"I'm in here Buff," he said out loud. Suddenly all of his thoughts went away while looking at the bedroom door, replaced by something else inside of him. "Come on in," he replied to the knock at the door. A smile creeping up on his face as the door to his bedroom began to open.
===================================