Chapter 6: Heart
Rogue stood for some time in the Library, it had been the first room she'd headed to in need of solitude on the early Saturday morning, she tried to get her head around everything. Carol had been a sacrifice, she'd been meant to absorb the powers and mind of Carol, and that this was all in some larger plot for something even Remy didn't know of. The fact Remy had kept all this from her brought an anger and sadness from within her she could barely cope with.
She felt foolish, and betrayed, once again. And begun to even hate the fact that Carol's mind had every right to try and take over her own mind. Carol had known no better – no one had.
She could forgive Carol for trying to take over her mind months previously.
But Remy? Remy she was not sure she could forgive. She'd begin to believe she was falling in love with the man, and that he'd never hurt her – if this had been true he surely would not have kept this information from her knowing it was a big part of the reason she was the way she was now.
"Chere?"
Rogue tensed up, hearing Remy enter the room, she kept her back turned, she was sitting looking out of the nearby window. "Go away…I can't look at you right now…"
Remy sat at the very end of the long table, and did not wait for her to turn to him, "then don't look," he sighed. "I know you're mad at me…"
"I don't know who I'm mad at anymore," Rogue kept her eyes to the trees outside, stirring in a fierce wind, she felt immense depression looming over her, and wanted to cry more, she didn't want to cry anymore in front of Remy though, she felt as vulnerable as it was.
"Then…if you're not mad…what do you feel?" Remy asked quietly, his voice sounded unnaturally anxious and unhappy, and he was aware of it, he felt pathetic and ashamed, and more disturbed by the fact Rogue now knew what he'd been hiding from her all this time.
He hated himself for having let himself feel for her when he knew he might lose her trust if she found out the truth – and now she had.
"Sad…betrayed…foolish," Rogue sighed, she bit her lip, trying to force back tears, "and hurt…that you didn't tell me all this stuff sooner…when you knew how important it was that I know…"
"I could not find the right moment to tell you, no moment seemed appropriate for what I needed to say…"
Rogue felt tears trickling, but with her back to him he needn't know, she kept her voice loud and strong, "I gave you ample opportunity to tell me," she pointed out, "I asked you every day, you could have told me then…"
"There are reasons I couldn't tell you," his voice growing more emotional.
"Why?!" she spun around to him, he'd suddenly angered her again, "so that you could pretend like you were in love with me too and have me in love with you and then tell me what you needed to so that it would fuck my mind up even more than it already is?!" she screamed, tears pouring now.
"That is not true," Remy felt his own eyes water, he did not allow himself to cry though, "I knew if you knew that it would ruin any chance I had of bein' wit' you, and every day I wrestled with it, I wanted to tell you so bad – but I knew if I did this was exactly how it was gonna be!" he looked at her. "You're bitter, and you never let grudges go, Chere, and I knew if I told you that you'd never forgive me…"
Rogue turned away again.
"If I'd been honest from the start you still would have acted the way you did despite it all, you would have hated me, and considered me the enemy, I was never the enemy, I was only doin' what I was told to do!" he cried at her. "It's not easy livin' with the fact that I was involved in Carol's death!"
"She's not dead," Rogue remarked coldly, "her body is brain dead but she's alive in me…and it's because of your foolishness and never questioning anything…did it never occur to you to ask Magneto – just once – why should I pretend I'm in love with Carol, or why should we take Rogue!?"
"Yes, it did, and I tried, but I was answered with punishment! Every time one of us tried to question anything we ended up in some nightmarish hell in our minds – he would make Mesmero fuck with our heads – so that our nightmares seemed real…and I wasn't about to go through that again!" Remy yelled at her.
"Well y'know what? I live in a nightmarish hell every day, Remy!" Rogue looked at him, "I have to wonder sometimes if the things I'm THINKING are the thoughts of Carol or not, or if the things I like are things SHE likes or even mighta liked or if her life has any influence in MY life!" she ran out of breath.
Remy looked at her, "it hurts me that this happened to you, Rogue, I always cared 'bout you…"
Rogue sucked in a breath, more tears about to come.
"I think I'm in love with you…" Remy knew it wasn't an appropriate time to say it, and it would seem like a convenient lie to fool her, but it was the truth and he wanted her to know it despite what she might think.
Rogue looked at him, her eyes already brimming with more tears, "how can you expect me to believe that?" she stood up, "You told Carol the same thing…" she burst into tears, "How do I know this isn't another lie, or that Magneto didn't tell you that you had to make out you were in love with me so I would join him next?!" she demanded. "How can I believe anything you say now?! You're a liar!"
Remy looked at her, he reached out his hand, "touch me and see it in my mind if you don't believe me…" his hand was shaking with emotion.
Rogue moved away, "no!" she swatted his hand away with her gloved hand, her breathing heavy and fast and louder than ever, "I don't want to ever touch you again, I don't ever even want to be near you again!" Rogue looked at him.
Remy looked down, so that his hair fell over his eyes to hide his tears, "don't do this to me…"
"How can I not?! Look what you've done to me!" Rogue looked at him, "You told me stuff to make me believe I knew you – but I didn't. I didn't realise how manipulative and selfish you are…you put Carol's life at stake, and you put mines," Rogue looked at him, "and you put my heart at stake…you were willing to let me fall for you knowing the things you know were gonna hurt me…" she wiped her tears on the back of her gloved hand, "and now…I never even want to see you again…"
"You don't mean that…" Remy sniffed, he wiped his face quickly, hoping she'd not see he'd been crying, she didn't even seem to notice.
"Yes, I do…" Rogue sobbed, "I mean it, Remy…I want you to leave…" she kept her eyes away from him, "I can't ever look at you again…just go…"
Remy stood up and walked over to her, "Rogue…Chere…my Marie, do not do this to me, please…" he begged of her, "I do not want to leave, I can't bear not being here – not being near you…you make me feel like I haven't felt before."
"How can I believe that?!" she demanded, refusing to look at him.
"Touch me and see it in my mind, you know you can! I don't even care if you absorb my powers and leave me in a coma…but I want you to know the feelin's I have for you are real…"
Rogue looked at him, knowing it wanted to be the last time she ever did, "No…Remy, enough is enough…I want you to leave this mansion – The X-Men…I don't want to see you again. Go to New Orleans…get Married to Bella Donna Bordereaux, and don't ever come back…" Rogue headed for the door.
Remy watched her, "is this what you want?" He asked.
Rogue stopped at the door, her back turned to him, "Yes…that's what I want…I want you out of my life."
"Then I'll go…" Remy sighed, "and won't return…" he looked at her, "but I want one thing, before I go," he murmured.
Rogue kept her back turned, "what…?" she asked, her voice full of disdain and loathing.
"Your kiss."
"Remy, no…" Rogue shook her head, and turned towards him, hating the fact she'd had to look at him again, and be reminded of all that had gone on in the last few hours, and the last few months.
"I'm not goin' until I kiss you," Remy smirked, but there was a tear trickling down his face and emotion twisting his face.
Rogue felt more tears come, and stood there, he moved over, and looked at her, he reached up, his hand bear, and tilted her chin up with his bare fingers, already feeling the draining effects of her powers on him, he quickly moved in, and brushed his lips so softly against hers, she felt his stubble, and his flesh, and felt his memories and feelings overwhelming her.
He moved back, swaying slightly from the loss of energy and power, he trembled, and reached for the door handle, he looked at her once more, knowing it might be the last time he ever saw her beautiful childlike face. "Au revoir," he murmured softly, and then, he left the room silently.
It was then, Rogue collapsed inundated with her tears and loneliness, and a broken heart, not only from her own emotions – but from Remy LeBeau's, having let him go, knowing he really did love her, and now…was gone.
THE END (or is it?)