Facts, Hats, and Fish Paste with a General
A Parody
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss. The tune of the poem is "What's New, Pussycat" by Tom Jones or something. Bad fic is for all those bad ficcers.
A/N: Now, remember it's a PARODY, and I will step on a lot of TOES in this story, and probably make some readers GAG, but don't worry, it's a PARODY.
_______________________
"Whu-whu-what? You can't possibly be a SLAYER for I am the CHOSEN ONE. Chosen. ONE. ONE." Buffy incredulouslied.
"It's possible," replied...um...Seanala. "Because I'm your daughter."
"What the--? I'm not even MARRIED."
"Because I'm from the future," Seanala said calmly.
"Then who's the father?"
"Spike of course! Duh, lol." Seanala said.
"OMG! U cant meen dat!" Buffy cried.
"duh, every 1 kno's dat u 2 r ment 2 be 2 gether 4 eva! Spuffy!" Seanala said.
"Then give me back my baby!" And Buffy gave Seanala a push.
But Buffy was noooo match for Seanala.
102398273928794801928374
Ok, like, I'm really REALLY mad at Buffy rite now for dumping Spike. I mean, like, who can dump him and his HOT HOT bod. Cuz he's like, so HOT. So I'm gonna torture buffy! Muahahaha! No flamez~
One day Buffy was walking in the park.
It was dark.
Then all of a sudden, everyone Buffy knew popped out at her. She didn't know why.
She ran, but she didn't know why.
For some reason she didn't know, they followed her.
"Help!" She yelled.
Everyone was chasing her; Spike, Xander, Willow, Joyce, her sister, Giles, Anya, her brother...
"Go away! What do you want?"
"You dumped me, Buffy!" Spike yelled as he tackled her to the ground that was hard.
"OOOF!"
Even though Buffy had slayer strength, for some reason, she didn't bother using them.
"Yeah, Buffy, so we're going to rap you!"
They all pounced on her at once.
"Oww! Ooh! Get off of me!" Buffy cried out while they continued rapping her.
"HOW" knock "DO" knock "LIKE" rap "THIS" knock "NOW?!" Spike said in the middle of rapping her head with his knuckles.
"Yea, homie B! We showed youse what youse get when," Dawn rapped while Faith beatboxed. "Boom buckshew, boom boom buckshew!"
"When youse break up with our phat Spike-meister here, yo!"
"Dude, Dawn," Faith broke off. "Yo's my work, five by five!"
During all this Buffy was screaming in anguish (A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, BUFFY!) and clutching her ears while blocking herself. "AHHHHH. I hate rap. Go away. NO!"
Spike looked up at them. "To her, no means yes, so keep rapping."
A chorus of knocks filled the air.
In the morning, Buffy was all rapped up. "I LOVE rap now!" She decided. "I also LOVE Spike now too!"
Spik was convienently there to hear her instead of running away from fear of being staked. Go figure. Then all of a sudden it was night again.
90 years later...
Buffy was wearing a tight body suit and a sparkly purple hairband. "Oh, I think this is ever so stunning. Don't you Dawn?"
"Where are you going? Sister?" Dawn, who was really a glowing key that unlocked Hell because Glory wanted to spill her blood, so monks erased everyone's memories just like Willow did when Tara got mad at her for erasing her memory even though Tara did it herself in Family so that they couldn't see any more demons, said.
"I'm marrying Spike today!" She beamed, ever so effulgent (A/N: I put effulgent because it's Spike's favorite word. I just know. Teehee ^_~).
"Ok, that's cool. Just don't loose him. I'll see you they're. Alright? Buy Buffy!" Dawn said as she left.
800 years later in the bright sunny sun...
"Oh Buffy, this is everything I hoped it to be, schnookums." Spike said as he rocked on the porch. "I made up a poem for you."
"Oh really. Let me hear it evil-undead-snookums."
"Oh pshaw. You don't want to."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't..."
"YES I DO."
"No...it's not good..."
"JUST READ THE FRIGGIN THING, SPIKE."
Shnookycat
Dedicated to my Moopoopie
By the Bloody, William
What's new shnookycat?
Whooah whoah whooah whoah
What's new pookummack?
Whooah whoah whooah whoaah
Love you shnookycat
Whooah whoah whooah whoah
Kiss you pookummack
Whooah whoah whooah whoaah
"There you go," Spike said.
"Aww. Thank you!"
"Yeah. I'm glad we're married Sarah."
"I know. I HAD to get rid of that Freddie guy so I can marry you James."
"Yeah, and I had to get rid of my girlfriend."
Psst...here's the rated R part!
Then they started kissing. A LOT. I mean lip-bruising, crushing, smacking, verocious, primal, urgent one. Kiss kiss kiss.
Then they did...it. You know...*it*. EWWWWWWWWWWWW.
The End.
019283740129834710293847
Huh? Huh? Wasn't that a good chapter. Well, it's the last I'm sad. I watch Buffy. NO FLAMEZ! I hat all of you who give me flames! I love all of you that leaves me comments and critisism. Okie.
__________________
Yup...scary, huh? So...did I fully capture the essence of bad fic along with some other things? If I didn't, comment in a review! How ingenious! And as for the poem, I've tried four times to correct the formatting, and it won't budge. Got any tips on that?
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss. The tune of the poem is "What's New, Pussycat" by Tom Jones or something. Bad fic is for all those bad ficcers.
A/N: Now, remember it's a PARODY, and I will step on a lot of TOES in this story, and probably make some readers GAG, but don't worry, it's a PARODY.
_______________________
"Whu-whu-what? You can't possibly be a SLAYER for I am the CHOSEN ONE. Chosen. ONE. ONE." Buffy incredulouslied.
"It's possible," replied...um...Seanala. "Because I'm your daughter."
"What the--? I'm not even MARRIED."
"Because I'm from the future," Seanala said calmly.
"Then who's the father?"
"Spike of course! Duh, lol." Seanala said.
"OMG! U cant meen dat!" Buffy cried.
"duh, every 1 kno's dat u 2 r ment 2 be 2 gether 4 eva! Spuffy!" Seanala said.
"Then give me back my baby!" And Buffy gave Seanala a push.
But Buffy was noooo match for Seanala.
102398273928794801928374
Ok, like, I'm really REALLY mad at Buffy rite now for dumping Spike. I mean, like, who can dump him and his HOT HOT bod. Cuz he's like, so HOT. So I'm gonna torture buffy! Muahahaha! No flamez~
One day Buffy was walking in the park.
It was dark.
Then all of a sudden, everyone Buffy knew popped out at her. She didn't know why.
She ran, but she didn't know why.
For some reason she didn't know, they followed her.
"Help!" She yelled.
Everyone was chasing her; Spike, Xander, Willow, Joyce, her sister, Giles, Anya, her brother...
"Go away! What do you want?"
"You dumped me, Buffy!" Spike yelled as he tackled her to the ground that was hard.
"OOOF!"
Even though Buffy had slayer strength, for some reason, she didn't bother using them.
"Yeah, Buffy, so we're going to rap you!"
They all pounced on her at once.
"Oww! Ooh! Get off of me!" Buffy cried out while they continued rapping her.
"HOW" knock "DO" knock "LIKE" rap "THIS" knock "NOW?!" Spike said in the middle of rapping her head with his knuckles.
"Yea, homie B! We showed youse what youse get when," Dawn rapped while Faith beatboxed. "Boom buckshew, boom boom buckshew!"
"When youse break up with our phat Spike-meister here, yo!"
"Dude, Dawn," Faith broke off. "Yo's my work, five by five!"
During all this Buffy was screaming in anguish (A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, BUFFY!) and clutching her ears while blocking herself. "AHHHHH. I hate rap. Go away. NO!"
Spike looked up at them. "To her, no means yes, so keep rapping."
A chorus of knocks filled the air.
In the morning, Buffy was all rapped up. "I LOVE rap now!" She decided. "I also LOVE Spike now too!"
Spik was convienently there to hear her instead of running away from fear of being staked. Go figure. Then all of a sudden it was night again.
90 years later...
Buffy was wearing a tight body suit and a sparkly purple hairband. "Oh, I think this is ever so stunning. Don't you Dawn?"
"Where are you going? Sister?" Dawn, who was really a glowing key that unlocked Hell because Glory wanted to spill her blood, so monks erased everyone's memories just like Willow did when Tara got mad at her for erasing her memory even though Tara did it herself in Family so that they couldn't see any more demons, said.
"I'm marrying Spike today!" She beamed, ever so effulgent (A/N: I put effulgent because it's Spike's favorite word. I just know. Teehee ^_~).
"Ok, that's cool. Just don't loose him. I'll see you they're. Alright? Buy Buffy!" Dawn said as she left.
800 years later in the bright sunny sun...
"Oh Buffy, this is everything I hoped it to be, schnookums." Spike said as he rocked on the porch. "I made up a poem for you."
"Oh really. Let me hear it evil-undead-snookums."
"Oh pshaw. You don't want to."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't..."
"YES I DO."
"No...it's not good..."
"JUST READ THE FRIGGIN THING, SPIKE."
Shnookycat
Dedicated to my Moopoopie
By the Bloody, William
What's new shnookycat?
Whooah whoah whooah whoah
What's new pookummack?
Whooah whoah whooah whoaah
Love you shnookycat
Whooah whoah whooah whoah
Kiss you pookummack
Whooah whoah whooah whoaah
"There you go," Spike said.
"Aww. Thank you!"
"Yeah. I'm glad we're married Sarah."
"I know. I HAD to get rid of that Freddie guy so I can marry you James."
"Yeah, and I had to get rid of my girlfriend."
Psst...here's the rated R part!
Then they started kissing. A LOT. I mean lip-bruising, crushing, smacking, verocious, primal, urgent one. Kiss kiss kiss.
Then they did...it. You know...*it*. EWWWWWWWWWWWW.
The End.
019283740129834710293847
Huh? Huh? Wasn't that a good chapter. Well, it's the last I'm sad. I watch Buffy. NO FLAMEZ! I hat all of you who give me flames! I love all of you that leaves me comments and critisism. Okie.
__________________
Yup...scary, huh? So...did I fully capture the essence of bad fic along with some other things? If I didn't, comment in a review! How ingenious! And as for the poem, I've tried four times to correct the formatting, and it won't budge. Got any tips on that?