Chapter 9:

The Unhappy Truth

            Though the storm had thrown them considerably off course Saemon was quick to find their path again, and so the journey continued on with only a few days added to the travel time. 

            It was during those days while they were trying to get back on course that Touga came across Brynn as she leaned over the rail, watching the blue green sea go by.

            "Konnichiwa," he greeted her.

            "Konnichiwa, Master Touga," Brynn replied, turning away from the rail and bowing slightly.  "How are you getting on?"

            "Oh, fine," Touga said.  "And you?"

            Brynn smiled lopsidedly.  "Well, aside from that unfortunate rust incident a few days ago, I'm fine.  I've had to deal with Nalia and Anomen still being a little seasick though.  It's not pleasant to say the least."

            Touga laughed politely.  "As cheerful as always, little one."

            Brynn gave him an expression of mock irritation, "Master Touga, I'm not a little girl anymore!"  She said.  "I've grown up, even if I haven't grown up." She indicated her short stature.

            Brynn noticed her Master's expression change ever so slightly.  He still smiled, but the laughter had gone out of his eyes.  "You have, you certainly have grown up."  He paused and looked out at the sea, and Brynn followed his gaze to the ship's wake, rolling and white against the dark sea.  "Am I still your Master then?" Touga asked after a while.  "Now that you have grown up?"

            Brynn smiled affectionately at him.  "You'll always be my sensei," she said.  "Even more of a father to me than Gorion was.  He taught me the knowledge of books, and history, you taught me the knowledge of my spirit and body."  She cocked her head to one side and looked at him, trying to catch his eyes.  "Why do you ask?"

            "Oh… no reason, no reason child," Touga replied.  "I am just an old man wondering if he still has worth in this world."

            "You're not that old, Master," Brynn assured him.  She meant it too.  Though gray streaks had found their way into his dark hair he was still younger than fifty by a few years.  Brynn would always remember him as the sturdy, athletic man who taught her how to use the sword and gave a purpose to her youthful enthusiasm.  "You're not old by a long shot.  I mean, Aerie, she's over a hundred, that's old."

            "She is an elf, is she not?"

            Brynn nodded.  "An Avariel elf."

            "Elves live longer than the race of man," Touga commented.  "She is young, and so are you.  Barely an adult even now and still a child when I left five years ago, yes?"

            Brynn leaned on the rail beside him.  "Yeah, just a kid who hadn't a clue about the world.  I hadn't a clue about anything, really.  Moon and stars!  I thought battle was this glorious, heroic, poetic thing, and it took until I killed my first man for that ideal to be shattered."  She laughed briefly.  "Actually, to be honest, I think that ideal is still hanging around.  After all I've been through I still can't seem to shake it all the way."

            "Battle is glorious," Touga said.  "Beautifully terrible… terribly beautiful.  More glorious than life, I think."

            Brynn nodded.  "We're getting melancholy, Master," she said.  "Really melancholy."  She stood up straight and stretched her arms out the ocean.  "C'mon, we're going to be going into that glorious battle we were just talking about, and after that we're going to get us some pirate treasure, and go back to Amn, and maybe then I'll get you to indulge in all those things you said were gross pleasures back when I was a kid.  Like sweets and stupid old stories, and adventuring.  You'd like adventuring I think."

            "Ah, yes, we are going into battle, but child, despite what you say I am growing old, and this time I may not leave the field of combat alive."

            "Don't be silly," Brynn told him.  "You and I, and everyone else will be coming out of this with all limbs attached and a whole new batch of stories to tell."

            "Are you so certain?"  Touga asked.

            "Yeah, I mean, I'm not letting you die.  Not even if you wanted to," Brynn said with a grin.

            Touga kept his eyes on the waves as he asked, "How could you save me from something I could not protect myself from?  After all, I am still your superior in battle."

            Brynn swallowed quickly and came up with an answer out of nature's pocket.  "Well, weaker people save stronger people all the time… like Nalia; she's saved my butt before."

            "I see."   Touga straightened and bowed briefly to Brynn.  Then he left, walking tall and proud.

            Brynn watched him as he went below deck, and then breathed a sigh of relief when he was out of sight.  "I thought he had me there," she said under her breath.  Had Touga actually come close to figuring out her ploy, or had he just been musing idly? She shuddered to think he might know that she had purposely lost to him all those months ago.  If that were the case not only would he feel dishonored himself, but he would be ashamed of her as well.

            She heard someone approach and turned to see Haer'Dalis walking toward, smiling his usual roguish smile.  "Good afternoon, my raven," he said.  He pretended to take off his hat (pretended because he didn't have a hat) and bowed extravagantly.  Then he pretended to put his hat back on and leaned against the rail on one elbow, his legs crossed at the ankle.

            "Hey," Brynn said, smiling a little.

            Haer'Dalis raised on blue-gray eyebrow.  "What is the matter, my raven?  Someone step on your grave?"

            "Hmm?"

            "You look as white as newly fallen snow," Haer'Dalis told her.

            "Oh, I just had an uncomfortable talk with Master Touga is all," Brynn said.  "I'm okay."

            "Ah," Haer'Dalis said, "did he bring up that unfortunate incident with Yoshimo?"

            Brynn suddenly felt paranoid.  "Which one?  Was there another one?"

            "No, no, I merely meant the one that sparked their enmity," Haer'Dalis clarified quickly.  "You are certainly… touchy on the subject."

            Brynn gave him a wry look.  "Yeah, well when the two most important men in my life want to kill on another I get touchy.  It's my natural instinct.  Sort of like yours is to pry."

            Haer'Dalis chuckled.  "Ah true!  You wound me with your accuracy, my raven, but do not fear- it is already forgiven.  However, I did notice that you turned aside my query."

            Brynn frowned at him.  "Nosy," she accused.

            "It is, as you pointed out only a moment ago, part of my nature," Haer'Dalis said.  He smiled broadly and continued, "Now, please dearest raven, satiate my curiosity for a moment and tell me what has you so unnerved."

            Brynn narrowed her eyes and considered her options.  She could lie, but Haer'Dalis would figure it out, or she could continue to evade him, which would only leave him disgruntled and disinclined to help the next time she needed a question answered, or she could just tell him what the problem was.  When he needed to be, Haer'Dalis could be discreet.

            She opted for a combination between option number one and option number three.  "Oh, Master Touga was worried that he was getting old and that his skill was diminishing I had to reassure him.  It upset me that he was so pessimistic."

            "Well he is rather aged," Haer'Dalis remarked.  "And he obviously would have lost that little sparring session with you had you not let him win."

            Brynn clapped a hand over Haer'Dalis' mouth and hissed, "Shhhh! Not so loud!  How did you know that anyway?"

            Calmly Haer'Dalis peeled Brynn's hand off of his face.  "Everyone knows, save for your poor deluded master.  It was quite obvious for those of us who are used to seeing you fight.  Your master would have noticed it as well had he not been exerting so much effort to defeat you."

            Brynn felt lost.  "Oh," she said.  "Well... thanks for keeping quiet... I guess..."

            "If it makes you feel any better, neither Aerie nor Dynaheir noticed until Minsc mentioned it to them."

            "No, not really, thanks anyway though," Brynn said.  She let out a long sigh.  "I just hope Master Touga doesn't find out.  If he did he would be very upset."

            Haer'Dalis shrugged.  "I doubt that you can keep the truth from him forever," he said.  "One day he will undoubtedly find out."

            "Thanks, oh doomsayer," Brynn growled, feeling decidedly unfriendly.  "Why don't you go mock Anomen's fighting style, or flirt with Aerie or Imoen or something, huh?"

            "Are you angry that we saw through your ruse?"

            "Yes," Brynn admitted grumpily.  "And angry at myself for being so obvious.  Just go, okay?  I got to think about this some more, and you standing there isn't helping."

            Haer'Dalis tipped his nonexistent hat again and sauntered off.

            Brynn, on the other hand, found herself an empty piece of deck and sat down to fume.

            It wasn't fair, she decided.  It wasn't fair that she was always the last to know about this sort of thing... or the second to last as the case may be, considering Touga at least didn't know yet.  At least Brynn thought he didn't know.  She hoped he didn't know.

            Brynn heard someone coming her way, and said, "Trying to fume in private, please go around."

            Behind her Jaheira snorted somewhat contemptuously.  "What is the matter, Brynn, did the old man and Yoshimo get into another quarrel?"

            Brynn shot the druid an angry look over her shoulder.  "For the second time today, no."

            "Then why are you in such a foul mood?  You would think the world was about to end."  Jaheira sat down cross-legged on the deck opposite Brynn.  "You are as red as a beet, child," she commented.

            "Oh, wonderful," Brynn said sarcastically.  "First I'm ghost white, then I'm beet red.  I'm a bloody rainbow today, aren't I?"

            "Well you are certainly not lady sunshine," Jaheira remarked dryly.  "Did someone drop a porcupine into your trousers, or has your night life been less than satisfactory?"

            If Brynn had not been red before she was now.  "No!" she hissed.  "And that's none of your business anyway!  How'd you like me to ask you about you and Khalid, huh?"

            Jaheira shrugged.  "So then why are you so irritable?"

            Brynn let out an aggravated sigh.  "If you must know, I had an upsetting conversation with Master Touga, and then an equally upsetting conversation with Haer'Dalis, neither of which I particularly care to talk about, because the next thing I know I'm going to be having an upsetting conversation with you and my whole day will be thrown off!"

            "Imagine that, being upset by that old man and Haer'Dalis," Jaheira said.

            Brynn frowned at her.  "I don't appreciate your sarcasm, Jaheira," she said.  "And what's so upsetting about Master Touga to you anyway, he's a nice man."

            "Oh, a very nice man indeed... if you are his pet student and a warrior he deems to be his equal," Jaheira told Brynn.  "If you are anyone else… pfft! Let the wind take you!"

            "He's not like that at all!" Brynn protested, leaping to her master's defense.  "He's a very polite, honorable man!"

            "He's as polite as anyone I've ever met," Jaheira agreed, "but manners do not always convey everything.  Yoshimo isn't the only one who wants to give him a sound beating.  Thus far you dear master has managed to alienate every one of the Blades.  I myself have found him to be utterly unreasonable.  He is a hard man to like, a hard man to even tolerate, and were it not for the fact that you respect him so, I'm sure one of us would have killed him by now."

            Brynn looked at Jaheira, her mouth gaping, "He's not that bad, is he?"

            "He is most certainly, 'that bad,'" Jaheira confirmed.

            "Well, he's from a different culture," Brynn pointed out, feeling uncomfortable.  "He doesn't think the way we do.  You may just be misreading him too, he's very stiff and formal, and despite the fact that he's live here almost as long as he's lived in Wa, he's still not gotten used to how things work."

            "Stop making excuses for him Brynn," Jaheira scolded her.  "You have already done enough for him by letting him win that sparring match; you need not feel obligated to explain his rude behavior."

            "Shhhhhhhh!" Brynn told her in a taut whisper.  "Gods and demons! Don't shout that!  Master Touga doesn't know, and I'd like to keep it that way!"

            Jaheira shook her head in disappointment.  "He will find out one way or another, Brynn.  You must have realized that."

            "No, he won't," Brynn snapped.  "I mean it.  This is important to me, Jaheira.  So, keep this all quiet."

            With a sigh Jaheira said, "The longer this is kept a secret the more difficult it will be when the truth comes out, Brynn."

            "But maybe it won't come out," Brynn said hopefully.  "If we all keep our mouths shut…"

            "I don't think that will make a difference," Jaheira told her bluntly.  Her eyes caught Brynn's and she paused for a moment. "However," she said, "have it your way, and be it on your head not mine when things come crashing down around your ears."

            "You're ever so magnanimous," Brynn muttered.

            Jaheira smirked.  "Ever the ray of sunshine, dear, keep it up."  She stood and walked away, leaving Brynn by herself. 

            Restless, Brynn stood up and made her way to the bow of the ship.  She stood there, leaning on the rail as she had been before Touga interrupted her, just watching the waves break across the hull and trying to soothe her mind. 

            What if Jaheira's right, she thought.  What if he does find out?  What then? 

            It wasn't something she really wanted to think about, but the idea haunted her, wouldn't leave her. 

            If she had taken up the sword because it seemed interesting she had kept it up because she wanted to impress her Master, had wanted his respect.  She dove into the world of the sword with her whole heart, and once inside embraced it with her whole being to earn his respect, and she did it too, but only after a lot of effort.  It was something for a ten-year-old girl to earn a proud smile from the stoic Kensai, and everyone at Candlekeep knew it.  Imoen had her mischief, her books, her pranks, but Brynn had the sword and her Master's respect.  It was enough for her.

            But if he knew that she had let him win all that would change.  Though Brynn was no longer that little girl, though she no longer needed Touga's respect to give her justification, she still wanted it.  If he knew what she had done, she was sure that respect would vanish. 

            She kept her eyes on the sea, as if asking the waves for an answer to her dilemma, but no answer came to her, and at last she ceased her inquiry. 

She forced herself to put her questions out of her mind.  This was no time to be caught unaware; it was a time for preparation.  She was nearing her destination.  It wouldn't be long now before her quest was finished and she could at last put this whole mess behind her.

At least, she hoped she could