Okay this is the last chapter for this one so Reviews would be much appreciated and if you need to read a disclaimer or the thank you's please see chapter 1!! That is all!
Back in the R.X Wing
"You're staying in here until I figure out what the hell is going on!" I shouted at them through the door
I had locked Jubes, Mel and Ev in the cupboard while Kat was chained to the outside of the door as her sink wouldn't fit in the laundry cupboard. Something was definitely going on here and they hadn't eaten any of the Jade room's sushi either, it was strange, very strange.
An hour later.
I had finally hit on it; I was in another dimension…a strange twisted dimension now I just had to find my way out of it.
'Think the Wizard of Oz!' I instructed myself.
Okay so some sort of red shoes where needed if my memory was as fruitful as I liked to think.
1 ½ hours later.
Okay I had tried every pair of red shoes in the mansion and clicked my heel's 3 times and nothing happened and so I moved onto every pair of shoes in the mansion (including Scott's new stiletto's it seems he was now cross dressing and calling himself Shirley!) still my quest proved fruitless. I made my way back to the bedroom and picked up the discarded newspaper as a brainwave hit me, nearly knocking me off of my bed.
Dear Susan's advice was the cause of this insanity everyone who was effected today seemed to be linked to that column Scott was the gay guy, Mel was the freak obsessing about her teacher (need I continue?!)…there was only one thing to do…track her down and fry her!! Okay, okay not the best plan so I decided to ring her instead.
"Hello" said a bitter voice on the other end of the phone
"What the hell have you done to my friends!" I demanded
"I don't know what you're on about and quite frankly I don't give a flying fuck!"
Ohh, okay not exactly the best advertisement for an agony aunt!
"The advice you gave to my friends has changed them and destroyed their essence!" I said proud of my in depth analogy
"Hey I'm only inflicting on them what the world inflicts on me!" the voice on the other end said sourly
"You're sick you know that!" I said in my best Disney princess voice (hey I thought the situation warranted it)
"Why thank you!"
I slammed down the phone. Okay so the only way to get out of this world was reverse the effects of her advice. Right I'd better start easy. Hank and Kurt were the first two I would save it would be easy enough to entice them upon land again no doubt (especially as Hank got sea sick).
2 minutes later
"Dr McCoy it's Ashley Donovan from Retribution X, I've got an urgent message to tell you"
"I'm listening" Hanks curiosity was peaked
"The English National Ballet are on the front lawn awaiting their Romeo…"
"And whom may I enquire is that?"
"You! Ya knucklehead!"
"Oh my stars and garters!" and with that the phone fell silent.
Okay now to get Kurt back again a simple enough tasks, so simple it was quite insulting to one's intelligence really.
"Hey Kurt it's Ashley, you know Mel's mate"
"Yes!" His voice was curious almost yet hesitant, maybe he thought I was going to attack him for the way he treated Mel like the others did.
"You see the thing is Kurt, Mel's sobbing in a crumpled heap in the floor..."
"Why?"
"Her dog died" I lied
"She doesn't have a dog!" Damn was he telepathetic…sorry telepathic too.
"Well it was her imaginary dog…anyway the thing is she's crying out in pain for you" I hit Mel (who I had handcuffed to the chair near the telephone) in the stomach to prove my point.
"Okay I will be right home!"
Two down in numerous amounts to go!
In the Boy's changing rooms
"Surely he told you where he was?" I questioned the boy's from Bobby's class who were clad only in towels
"No"
"Well you'll tell me the easy way or the hard way ZZZzzz make your choice…oh and you may wish to remember the fact that water conducts electricity!" I reminded them glowering at the boy's who had just gotten out of the shower
"Okay, okay he's joined the fire brigade in order to find out what make's fire tick!" the boy known as Berserker told me
"…And Rogue?" how the hell would they know? I asked myself as soon as the question slipped out of my mouth
"She's in Alaska isolating herself in order to find herself or something!" Alright so this was a mixed up dimension!!
The danger room
I shoved Jubes and Ev through the door and shut it quickly behind them and turned the simulation of Scuzzlebutt on a high level.
"The only way you're getting outta her alive is to work together!" I said before stalking out of the room and leaving them to it.
I ran to the nearest phone in the knowledge that Wolverine would be boarding his flight anytime now, I rang the mobile phone he had been given by Professor X and got no reply I then decided that our com device thingy's were the only way to go.
"White Lightning to Wolverine…." static "Wolverine do you read me?"
"Howdy!" Came Wolverines reply, now this was going from weird to just downright freaky.
"Wolverine I hate to break the news to you but Scott has chucked Jean and she is devastated…" nothing annoyed Wolverine then jean being hurt.
"Well give her some advice from me, tell her to just let go of all her negative energy and take up yoga"
Okay so that was not the response I was expecting!! "Oh and Gumbo rammed your Jeep in a drunken stupor before reversing over your Harley!"
"Possessions, possessions only possessions they can be replaced…"
I stood dumbfounded jaw on the floor I had only one back up "Oh and Kat's been cutting up your porn again!"
"She what? You wait till I get hold of her…Snickt"
I heard screams of "he's cutting a hole in the bottom of the plane…we're doomed" float out of my com device. Ahhh, everything was right with the world…almost.
I turned to the telephone once again "Professor Xavier this is….er…a friend, your new lover boy Scott still sleep's with Jean!"
"Ashley is that you!" I slammed the phone down 'Damn telepaths!'
Sauntering along the hallway
"…and don't you ever come back" I heard him sob
"But…but I love you!!"
"Yes but the trust has gone from this relationship Scott" The Professor said as his door slammed shut in Scott's face.
RESULT!!!
"Oh hi Blob, I take it you're here for Mel!" I said seeing the overly large mutant looking uncomfortably around the hallway "Carry on to her bedroom she's expecting you" I said before giving him directions to her bedroom.
A minute later
"Hey Pietro go on up Mel's expecting you!" okay now I was only awaiting Pyro (who I knew would be late)
I walked up the stairs 'Ahh the sweet sound of chaos!' I thought as I heard the fighting between Mel's suitors…okay time to sort out Kat.
"Are you going to get out of that sink or am I going to have to hurt you?" I asked Fairy liquid bottle in hand
Kat just glowered at me "Every one hates me!" she moaned
"So does the sink!" I said hitting her around the head with the bottle
"Oh no!! And I was so loyal to you!" Kat sobbed at the sink "well I hate you to and never want to see you again!" She climbed out of the sink tears streaming down her face.
"I know I hurts now but it will get easier!" I comforted her just before she caught sight off something and ran off sink forgotten.
The fire alarms and sprinklers going off indicated that the person Kat had streaked after as fast as her chubby, water marked legs would carry her was in fact Pyro. I ran from the building not willing to risk my life for my ungrateful team mates again [please refer to Retribution X: Remy's tequila and Elvis].
5 minutes later
The fire engine drew up outside the mansion and Bobby Drake jumped out of it.
"Isn't this your house Drake?" asked who I can only assume was his commanding officer
"Yes sir!"
"Well what kind of example are you a member of the fire service setting when you don't even fire proof your own home?"
"A good one?"
"Drake your fired"
Jean walked past at that second with a marshmallow on a stick informing anyone who was in the near vicinity that she intended to roast them on the fire in our wing as burnt dust added a lot of flavour. Mmm…I liked her better this way, so I decided not to interfere.
"Arrgghhh!! He's trying to kill me!" Kat ran screaming from the blazing building with Wolverine hot on her heels.
"We picked him up on the road; apparently he ran most of the way from the airport!" Hank informed me at my elbow.
We all stood watching the blaze trying to hold off the looters party. I turned to Gambit as he stood shaking beside me and decided he too needed fixing. I handed him a hip flask full of Rum which he drunk down in one big gulp.
"Gambit tink dat dis ain't enough!" Gambit said looking down at the now empty flask sadly "He will go to da store and buy some more" he said speeding off towards the garage.
I looked around the lawn satisfied everyone was sorted Jubes and Ev were talking, Wolverine was raging, Kat was scared, Gambit was drinking, Mel….where was Mel. SHIT!!
"Mel's still in there!!" I yelled
"I'll get her" Kurt said before he bamphed off
I also remembered I'd forgotten Rogue but hey ya can't win 'em all right?
Kurt was soon back with an unconscious Mel
At that exact moment everyone turned to me and began hissing nasty things at me in Gollem voices (except Kat who sounded like Dobby the House elf)
"Itsss all your fault if only you had given usssss preciousssss…er advice then none of this would of happened!" They jeered
I sat bolt upright in bed sweat pouring down my face. I got up and had a quick shower before running down the stairs.
"I had the scariest dream last night!" I announced as I marched into the kitchen only to be greeted by the sight of Kat sitting in the sink with a cloth draped over her head.
"NNNOOOOO!!!!"