A/N: Anger Management is in session, but who's sitting in the hot seats?
Only a few of the greatest villains in comic book and literature history,
of course. See Hulk, Magneto, Voldemort, Saurman get over their anger
issues with yours truly there as the instructor. ^-^ There's gonna be a lot
of shaking going on . . .
Scene opens with Hulk(H), Magneto(M), Voldemort(V), Saurman(S) sitting in a very distanced semi-circle glaring reproachfully at one another. Tavia(AKA Cynical_Sweetheart) sits smiling at each of them with a pencil and notepad in hand.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okay everyone, welcome to Anger Management 101. I'm your teacher and I'm here to help you individually and cooperatively cope with some of the anger in your lives. But before we do any of that, why don't we introduce ourselves, eh?
All: (look at Cynical_Sweetheart evilly and smile maliciously.)
Cynical_Sweetheart: I'll go first! I'm Cynical_Sweetheart, a.k.a Tavia Cooper and I'm a part-time author, student, bartender, karaoke bar owner, and anger management teacher. I like to listen to alternative rock music and enjoy a good book. Anybody else?
(Silence and cricket chirps)
H: I hate crickets!
Cynical_Sweetheart's assistant brings in a cuddly white bunny. Hulk smiles.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okay then, no volunteers? How about you, Hulk?
H: I don't like going first, it makes me angry. And you don't want to see me when I'm angry . . .
(Cynical_Sweetheart's assistant comes in and brings in a fluffy white bunny. Hulk smiles and plays with the bunny, beaming)
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okay then, Magento? Can you assist us, you are the elderly statesman of the group.
M: (from inside his plastic bubble) I'd prefer not to. But since I am bound here in these plastic handcuffs and this utterly ridiculous plastic chair from Ikea, I suppose I am left without choice.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Thank-you Magneto, please begin.
M: I am Magneto, most powerful and most conniving super-villain there ever was. Unfortunately, I am in a bit of a dilemma since Miss Thing here has strapped me down in plastic. I am a mutant out to rid the world of average humans.
All but Cynical_Sweetheart: Yeah! Whoopee!
M: But they tell me that this class is supposed to change all of that.
All but Cynical_Sweetheart: Boo!
Cynical_Sweetheart: Thank-you Magneto for that hearty welcome. Hulk, I expect a nice welcome from you when we're done going in the semi-circle.
H: (turns a shade of green but then Cynical_Sweetheart's assistant brings in more fluffy white bunnies and Hulk frolics joyfully)
Cynical_Sweetheart: Next? How about Voldemort?
V: Foolish muggle, how dare you address the great all-powerful Lord Voldemort as if he is your equal! I shall have your life for that! Avada Kedavra!
(Nothing happens. Complete silence)
V: What the -??? What happened?
Cynical_Sweetheart: I had your powers removed by Dumbledore. It was a long, tedious process, however.
V: What? That fool shall pay, as will you, Cynical_Sweetheart!
Cynical_Sweetheart: Since you can't kill me, would you mind introducing yourself?
V: Oh, alright then. Hi room, I'm Lord Voldemort-
Cynical_Sweetheart: Don't you have a real name?
V: You didn't pick on Magneto!
Cynical_Sweetheart: That's because he didn't try to kill me. (sickly sweet voice) Now, what's your real name Voldy?
V: Don't call me that, woman! My name is . . .
Cynical_Sweetheart: Come on, I know the rage is building up inside of you, it's okay, just let it out . . .
V: (out of breath) Tom Riddle.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Good, now where are you from?
V: Don't push it lady.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okie dokie . . . Saurman, your turn!
S: I'm guessing I've lost my powers as well as the ring because I've already tried to kill you. Thrice actually.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Correct. Frodo's got it in the AA meeting down the hall. I knew the kid was an alcoholic, I knew it!
S: Okay then. My name is Saurman the Great. I was never a child so I don't have a "birth name". I plan on wiping out all of middle earth with my great and undefeatable army and disposing of this present time as well. That is all. Can I have my ring now? Cynical_Sweetheart: No. . . Hulk, your turn again.
H: I don't like to say my real name . . .I get so angry.
Cynical_Sweetheart: You know what, since we've run out of bunnies, I'll leave you alone on that one. What makes you tick?
H: Oh, the usual: people teasing me, people shooting at me, the sun, the air, spilling my Mountain Dew, Anger Management teachers, steel doors, bad fan-fics, cynics, ignorant fools, piña coladas, dancing in the rain, Hershey bars, that Axe deodorant commercial, not being able to buy a Big Mac from Burger King, my mother, machine guns, machetes . . . oh no, that makes me happy . . . ripping my Calvin Kline jeans, nursery rhymes, love stories, smart people, wizards-
S & V: Hey!
H: (rambles on and on)
Cynical_Sweetheart: (smiles) I'm glad he's opened up.
M: Yes, now to just make him shut up, that's the current issue.
(Knock on the door)
Cynical_Sweetheart: I think we have a new visitor!
*~*~*~*We*all*must*suffer*the*agony*of*waiting*~*~*~*
A/N: Next Chapter: Bringing in the Good Guys . . . It's up to you to decide what great super villain is sent to Anger Management! We have five openings available, so nominate your favorite villain to a session of torture and chaos. Your villain doesn't have to be from a comic book, so chill (political villains would be nice o.O) and just in case, send me a brief bio on the character in an email (rather than my review section) so I can get to it faster. R&R please!
Scene opens with Hulk(H), Magneto(M), Voldemort(V), Saurman(S) sitting in a very distanced semi-circle glaring reproachfully at one another. Tavia(AKA Cynical_Sweetheart) sits smiling at each of them with a pencil and notepad in hand.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okay everyone, welcome to Anger Management 101. I'm your teacher and I'm here to help you individually and cooperatively cope with some of the anger in your lives. But before we do any of that, why don't we introduce ourselves, eh?
All: (look at Cynical_Sweetheart evilly and smile maliciously.)
Cynical_Sweetheart: I'll go first! I'm Cynical_Sweetheart, a.k.a Tavia Cooper and I'm a part-time author, student, bartender, karaoke bar owner, and anger management teacher. I like to listen to alternative rock music and enjoy a good book. Anybody else?
(Silence and cricket chirps)
H: I hate crickets!
Cynical_Sweetheart's assistant brings in a cuddly white bunny. Hulk smiles.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okay then, no volunteers? How about you, Hulk?
H: I don't like going first, it makes me angry. And you don't want to see me when I'm angry . . .
(Cynical_Sweetheart's assistant comes in and brings in a fluffy white bunny. Hulk smiles and plays with the bunny, beaming)
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okay then, Magento? Can you assist us, you are the elderly statesman of the group.
M: (from inside his plastic bubble) I'd prefer not to. But since I am bound here in these plastic handcuffs and this utterly ridiculous plastic chair from Ikea, I suppose I am left without choice.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Thank-you Magneto, please begin.
M: I am Magneto, most powerful and most conniving super-villain there ever was. Unfortunately, I am in a bit of a dilemma since Miss Thing here has strapped me down in plastic. I am a mutant out to rid the world of average humans.
All but Cynical_Sweetheart: Yeah! Whoopee!
M: But they tell me that this class is supposed to change all of that.
All but Cynical_Sweetheart: Boo!
Cynical_Sweetheart: Thank-you Magneto for that hearty welcome. Hulk, I expect a nice welcome from you when we're done going in the semi-circle.
H: (turns a shade of green but then Cynical_Sweetheart's assistant brings in more fluffy white bunnies and Hulk frolics joyfully)
Cynical_Sweetheart: Next? How about Voldemort?
V: Foolish muggle, how dare you address the great all-powerful Lord Voldemort as if he is your equal! I shall have your life for that! Avada Kedavra!
(Nothing happens. Complete silence)
V: What the -??? What happened?
Cynical_Sweetheart: I had your powers removed by Dumbledore. It was a long, tedious process, however.
V: What? That fool shall pay, as will you, Cynical_Sweetheart!
Cynical_Sweetheart: Since you can't kill me, would you mind introducing yourself?
V: Oh, alright then. Hi room, I'm Lord Voldemort-
Cynical_Sweetheart: Don't you have a real name?
V: You didn't pick on Magneto!
Cynical_Sweetheart: That's because he didn't try to kill me. (sickly sweet voice) Now, what's your real name Voldy?
V: Don't call me that, woman! My name is . . .
Cynical_Sweetheart: Come on, I know the rage is building up inside of you, it's okay, just let it out . . .
V: (out of breath) Tom Riddle.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Good, now where are you from?
V: Don't push it lady.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Okie dokie . . . Saurman, your turn!
S: I'm guessing I've lost my powers as well as the ring because I've already tried to kill you. Thrice actually.
Cynical_Sweetheart: Correct. Frodo's got it in the AA meeting down the hall. I knew the kid was an alcoholic, I knew it!
S: Okay then. My name is Saurman the Great. I was never a child so I don't have a "birth name". I plan on wiping out all of middle earth with my great and undefeatable army and disposing of this present time as well. That is all. Can I have my ring now? Cynical_Sweetheart: No. . . Hulk, your turn again.
H: I don't like to say my real name . . .I get so angry.
Cynical_Sweetheart: You know what, since we've run out of bunnies, I'll leave you alone on that one. What makes you tick?
H: Oh, the usual: people teasing me, people shooting at me, the sun, the air, spilling my Mountain Dew, Anger Management teachers, steel doors, bad fan-fics, cynics, ignorant fools, piña coladas, dancing in the rain, Hershey bars, that Axe deodorant commercial, not being able to buy a Big Mac from Burger King, my mother, machine guns, machetes . . . oh no, that makes me happy . . . ripping my Calvin Kline jeans, nursery rhymes, love stories, smart people, wizards-
S & V: Hey!
H: (rambles on and on)
Cynical_Sweetheart: (smiles) I'm glad he's opened up.
M: Yes, now to just make him shut up, that's the current issue.
(Knock on the door)
Cynical_Sweetheart: I think we have a new visitor!
*~*~*~*We*all*must*suffer*the*agony*of*waiting*~*~*~*
A/N: Next Chapter: Bringing in the Good Guys . . . It's up to you to decide what great super villain is sent to Anger Management! We have five openings available, so nominate your favorite villain to a session of torture and chaos. Your villain doesn't have to be from a comic book, so chill (political villains would be nice o.O) and just in case, send me a brief bio on the character in an email (rather than my review section) so I can get to it faster. R&R please!