I have been pelted endlessly with mail rude and obscene
From people with titles like 'The Brooklyn Mary Sue Queen'
Who accuse me, in the least appealing language of this species,
Of having the IQ and sensitivity of faeces.
They all proclaim that Legolas adoration is an ART
Which takes a great deal of patience and a big amount of heart-
They seek, as one girl put it, 'to bring joy to peoples' lives'
While conveniently picturing themselves as Leggy's wives.
Now I am not a connoisseur, no critic of high esteem-
I'm just protesting eagerly against those hideous fiends
Who seem to think that broadcasting sexual fantasies on the Net
Is beneficial, educational and very good etiquette.
This is the same attitude no doubt encountered when
The South American drug lords were thrown into the Pen.
Their defence, I'm sure, had exactly the same beat
As the Mary Sue Avengers, who proceed to whine and bleat:
'We thought it was creative to brainwash countless teens,
Haunt them with endless longings and unsated craving dreams!
Their longings are our life-blood, their pain our plate of cream,
And we'll go and throw tantrums if you're going to be mean!'
This ignorant and childish view was in every email sent
All of which told me in no uncertain terms to say: 'I repent!
Mary Sues are cool! They're wonderful! Case closed!
(Now could you keep the knife at a safe distance from my nose?)'
However, is this not the world which lauds Freedom Of Speech?
Am I not allowed to rant and rave and scream and bitch and preach?
It is my constitutional right to say whatever strikes me,
And if you have a problem with that, Mary Suers- bite me.
From people with titles like 'The Brooklyn Mary Sue Queen'
Who accuse me, in the least appealing language of this species,
Of having the IQ and sensitivity of faeces.
They all proclaim that Legolas adoration is an ART
Which takes a great deal of patience and a big amount of heart-
They seek, as one girl put it, 'to bring joy to peoples' lives'
While conveniently picturing themselves as Leggy's wives.
Now I am not a connoisseur, no critic of high esteem-
I'm just protesting eagerly against those hideous fiends
Who seem to think that broadcasting sexual fantasies on the Net
Is beneficial, educational and very good etiquette.
This is the same attitude no doubt encountered when
The South American drug lords were thrown into the Pen.
Their defence, I'm sure, had exactly the same beat
As the Mary Sue Avengers, who proceed to whine and bleat:
'We thought it was creative to brainwash countless teens,
Haunt them with endless longings and unsated craving dreams!
Their longings are our life-blood, their pain our plate of cream,
And we'll go and throw tantrums if you're going to be mean!'
This ignorant and childish view was in every email sent
All of which told me in no uncertain terms to say: 'I repent!
Mary Sues are cool! They're wonderful! Case closed!
(Now could you keep the knife at a safe distance from my nose?)'
However, is this not the world which lauds Freedom Of Speech?
Am I not allowed to rant and rave and scream and bitch and preach?
It is my constitutional right to say whatever strikes me,
And if you have a problem with that, Mary Suers- bite me.