Welcome, friends and viewers, to that awful breeding-ground
Where the cries of Leggy-lovers in the deepest depths resound-
The horror of the earth where not one sane mind survives
And where Mary Sues can congregate and even *shudder* thrive-
Yes, welcome to Big Brother Mary-Sue Style (copyright)!
We've sure got loads of funky Middle-Earth madness here tonight.
Will Mary finally make her perfect mirthril underwear?
Will Sue create a cloak that withstands every wear and tear?
Will the cooking book be legible under all the blood-red doodles
Of 'I Love Legolas' scrawled across the recipe for noodles?
There's loads of fun for all, if this show doesn't make you hurl
(Or if you feel slightly sorry for these maniacs of girls).
We bring you an exclusive: Sue has called Mary something strange;
She's speaking in fast Elvish and we think she's gone deranged.
Mary appears to have understood, she's yelling something back-
Oh, cover your ears children! She yelled 'Hobbit-toes!' Stand back!
The straitjackets are coming, but the fight is tooth and nail-
They're throwing wigs, and now it's like an ash-blonde screaming hail!
Sue-Mary appears to be quietly busy at the shrine,
Arranging the Legolas statue they made out of toilet rolls and twine.
The sacred area was built last week and the daily rites include
'Feeding' the little statue little scraps of 'Elven' food,
Then stripping down to underwear and doing a minuet
(While fighting over who gets the statue as partner.) I'll bet
That Sue-Mary's trying to get some worshipping in on the side
While the others fight like cat and dog- now they're using knives!
Sue-Mary bends low, her blonde locks inches from the flames-
And yes! My saints in heaven! This will bring her instant fame!
Here in all its splendour is a minus-IQ at work;
She's dancing round the room now with tremendous screams and jerks-
Viewers, you are seeing right- do not adjust your set-
In her intense devotion Sue-Mary set fire to her head!
Sue's got Mary in a headlock and they're rolling on the floor-
Come on folks- for those idiots, a great round of applause!
We're afraid that's all we've got tonight, because insurance forbids
Us from showing paramedics and asylum staff plunge into the thick of this;
But we can assure you Mary and Sue are in quiet places with padded walls
And lovely white straitjackets with a cloak on the back, with no Elvish at all.
Sue-Mary will recover, though she'll be a trifle bald.
Now before we field the complaints of every viewer that was appalled
We must remind you all not to be to hard on these poor souls.
God knows they need their kicks, because insanity can be so cold
And lonely. You may think that their upstairs light is off
Because they worship some blonde bimbo- that their brains are full of fluff
For the reason that they live in their own sick perverted worlds
Peacefully oblivious to the fact they make us hurl.
Middle-Earth, you say, would be better off if every Mary-Sue was spiked
With two thousand sharp spear-ends. And guess what, my friend? You're right!
Where the cries of Leggy-lovers in the deepest depths resound-
The horror of the earth where not one sane mind survives
And where Mary Sues can congregate and even *shudder* thrive-
Yes, welcome to Big Brother Mary-Sue Style (copyright)!
We've sure got loads of funky Middle-Earth madness here tonight.
Will Mary finally make her perfect mirthril underwear?
Will Sue create a cloak that withstands every wear and tear?
Will the cooking book be legible under all the blood-red doodles
Of 'I Love Legolas' scrawled across the recipe for noodles?
There's loads of fun for all, if this show doesn't make you hurl
(Or if you feel slightly sorry for these maniacs of girls).
We bring you an exclusive: Sue has called Mary something strange;
She's speaking in fast Elvish and we think she's gone deranged.
Mary appears to have understood, she's yelling something back-
Oh, cover your ears children! She yelled 'Hobbit-toes!' Stand back!
The straitjackets are coming, but the fight is tooth and nail-
They're throwing wigs, and now it's like an ash-blonde screaming hail!
Sue-Mary appears to be quietly busy at the shrine,
Arranging the Legolas statue they made out of toilet rolls and twine.
The sacred area was built last week and the daily rites include
'Feeding' the little statue little scraps of 'Elven' food,
Then stripping down to underwear and doing a minuet
(While fighting over who gets the statue as partner.) I'll bet
That Sue-Mary's trying to get some worshipping in on the side
While the others fight like cat and dog- now they're using knives!
Sue-Mary bends low, her blonde locks inches from the flames-
And yes! My saints in heaven! This will bring her instant fame!
Here in all its splendour is a minus-IQ at work;
She's dancing round the room now with tremendous screams and jerks-
Viewers, you are seeing right- do not adjust your set-
In her intense devotion Sue-Mary set fire to her head!
Sue's got Mary in a headlock and they're rolling on the floor-
Come on folks- for those idiots, a great round of applause!
We're afraid that's all we've got tonight, because insurance forbids
Us from showing paramedics and asylum staff plunge into the thick of this;
But we can assure you Mary and Sue are in quiet places with padded walls
And lovely white straitjackets with a cloak on the back, with no Elvish at all.
Sue-Mary will recover, though she'll be a trifle bald.
Now before we field the complaints of every viewer that was appalled
We must remind you all not to be to hard on these poor souls.
God knows they need their kicks, because insanity can be so cold
And lonely. You may think that their upstairs light is off
Because they worship some blonde bimbo- that their brains are full of fluff
For the reason that they live in their own sick perverted worlds
Peacefully oblivious to the fact they make us hurl.
Middle-Earth, you say, would be better off if every Mary-Sue was spiked
With two thousand sharp spear-ends. And guess what, my friend? You're right!