Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men or Friends. None of these characters belong to me, nor do the situations.
The One With the Sonogram at the End
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
Everyone is present, sitting on the sofa and chairs.
KITTY: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is like, as important as any part of it.
EVAN: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
ROGUE: Oh, yeah!
JEAN: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
KITTY: Like, absolutely.
KURT: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like ze stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
SCOTT: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
KURT: The problem is, though, after ze concert's over, no matter how great the show vas, you girls are always looking for ze comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in ze car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay avake.
JEAN: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
EVAN: (PAUSE)....Are we still talking about sex ?
INT. MUSEUM OF PREHISTORIC HISTORY
SCOTT and a colleague, SARAH are setting up an exhibit, which includes some mannequins of cave people.
SCOTT: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
SARAH: Well, she has issues.
SCOTT: Does she.
SARAH: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
SCOTT: Sarah, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?
SARAH: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
AMARA has entered behind them, outside the exhibit.
SCOTT: (Trying to ignore her) No. No.
SARAH: Yes, it is. Amara! Hi!
SCOTT: Okay, okay, yes, it is.
He waves to AMARA. AMARA is quite tall, with long brown hair.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
SARAH leaves, and SCOTT waves at AMARA to come into the exhibit.
SCOTT: Hi.
AMARA: So.
SCOTT: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.
AMARA: Sorry. You look good too.
SCOTT: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...
AMARA: A lesbian?
SCOTT: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
AMARA: Malaya's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
SCOTT: Why- why are you here, Amara?
AMARA: I'm pregnant.
SCOTT: Pregnant?!
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
KURT, EVAN, ROGUE and KITTY are watching 'Three's Company'
KURT: Oh, I zink zis is ze episode of Three's Company vhere zere's some kind of misunderstanding.
ROGUE: ...Then I've already seen this one!
She turns the TV off.
KITTY takes EVAN'S drink
KITTY: Are you through with that?
EVAN: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
KITTY: Whose little ball of paper is this?!
KURT: Oh, uh, zat vould be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and zen I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (off KITTY'S look) ...now I vish I vas dead.
KITTY starts to fluff a pillow.
ROGUE: She's already fluffed that pillow... Kitty, you know, you've already fluffed that- (KITTY gives her a look) -but, it's fine!
KITTY: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna like, give them any more ammunition than they already have.
KURT: Yes, and ve all know how cruel a parent can be about ze flatness of a child's pillow.
ROGUE: Kitty - Hi! Um, Kitty, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
EVAN: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Scott getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
KITTY: That's because like, as far as my parents are concerned, Scott can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some like, big ceremony before I was born.
KURT is standing looking out of the window.
KURT: Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
KITTY: What?
KURT: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
ALL: Eeaagh!
JEAN enters from her bedroom.
JEAN: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
ROGUE: Yeah, it's beautiful.
JEAN: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God....
She starts to look under cushions.
ROGUE: No, look, don't touch that!
JEAN: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Bobby! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...
KITTY: Easy Jean, we'll like, find it for you.
She turns to the others.
KITTY: (Cont'd) Won't we!
KURT and EVAN: Oh! Yeah!
EVAN: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
ROGUE: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
KURT: You don't get a lot of 'doy' zese days...
JEAN: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
KURT: ...Dinah?
JEAN looks at the lasagne and sudden realisation hits her.
JEAN: Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
KITTY: You didn't.
JEAN: Oh, I am sorry...
KITTY: I gave you like, one job!
She starts examining the lasagne through the glass dish.
JEAN: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
KURT: Now, Kitty, you know zat's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
KITTY puts the lasagne down.
KITTY: I just... can't do it.
KURT: Boys? We're going in.
KURT, EVAN and ROGUE start to pick through the lasagne. There is a knock at the door. It is SCOTT.
SCOTT: .....Hi.
KITTY: Wow. That is not like, a happy hi.
SCOTT: Amara's pregnant.
ROGUE: (While everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!
She holds up Jean's wedding ring.
KITTY: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...
SCOTT: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now.
He comes in.
KURT: Kinda puts zat whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Kitty?
JEAN: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?
SCOTT: Well, Amara says she and Taryn want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
ROGUE: She is so great! I miss her.
KITTY: What does she mean by 'involved'?
KURT: I mean presumably, ze biggest part of your job is done.
SCOTT: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
JEAN: So what are you gonna do?
SCOTT: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
At the sound of EVAN eating the lasagne the gang turn round and stare at him accusingly.
EVAN: .....Well, this is still ruined?
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
It is the evening now. KITTY and SCOTT are pouring wine for MR. and MRS. SUMMERS. MR. SUMMERS is tall and resembles SCOTT with short brown hair. MRS. SUMMERS is average height and has short blonde hair
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you.
She tastes a snack.
MRS SUMMERS: Mmm! What's that curry taste?
KITTY: Curry.
MRS. SUMMERS: Mmmm!
SCOTT: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.
MR. SUMMERS: (To SCOTT) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
MRS. SUMMERS: They all had a thing for him.
SCOTT: Aw, Mom...
KITTY: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to like, call me?
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
KITTY: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
MRS. SUMMERS: Well, they don't have to know that...
She starts to fluff the pillows.
KITTY: Scott, could you come and like, help me with the spaghetti, please?
SCOTT: Yeah.
They go to the kitchen.
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.
KITTY: I know this is going to sound like, unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might like, take some of the heat off me.
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
SCOTT, KITTY and their parents are eating dinner.
MRS. SUMMERS: What that Jean did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
MR. SUMMERS: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
MRS. SUMMERS: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
KITTY: Like, what's that supposed to mean?
MRS. SUMMERS: Nothing! It's an expression.
KITTY: No it's not.
MR. SUMMERS: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
INT. INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
They are starting on dessert.
MR. SUMMERS: Look, there are people like Scott who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
They have finished the meal.
MR. SUMMERS: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Kitty' doesn't seem to have that problem.
KITTY: (Trying to change the subject) So, Scott what's like, going on with you? Any stories?
She digs her elbow into his hand
KITTY: (Cont'd) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
SCOTT pulls his hand away from her.
SCOTT: Okay! Okay. (TO MR. and MRS. SUMMERS) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Amara and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Amara's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Taryn. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Taryn are going to raise the baby.
There is a stunned silence.
MRS. SUMMERS turns to KITTY.
MRS SUMMERS: And you knew about this?!
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
It is the end of the day and everyone is consoling KITTY about her parents visit.
EVAN: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
SCOTT: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.
KITTY: Boy, I know they say you can't like, change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To SCOTT) -I'd want yours.
SCOTT: Excuse me guys, I gotta go pee.
SCOTT goes to the toilet.
ROGUE: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.
JEAN: You're twins?
ROGUE: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.
KURT: Vat does she do?
ROGUE: She's a waitress.
JEAN: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now.
They all start to leave.
KITTY: Kurt, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
KURT: Vell, no, alzough I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
JEAN: The lights, please..
EVAN turns off the light and they all leave. JEAN starts to sweep, then SCOTT comes back from the toilet.
SCOTT: ...How long was I in there?
JEAN: I'm just cleaning up.
SCOTT: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?
JEAN: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks!
She hands him the broom and then sits down on one of the bar stools.
SCOTT: Anyway.. um..
He starts to sweep.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) So, you- uh- you nervous about Bobby tomorrow?
JEAN: Oh.. a little..
SCOTT: Mm-hmm..
JEAN: A lot.
SCOTT: Mm.
JEAN: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?
SCOTT: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey! I'll go down there, and I'll give Bobby back his ring, and you can go with Amara and Taryn to the OB/GYN..
JEAN: Oh, you've got Amara tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
SCOTT: Got me.
JEAN: Remember when we were in high school together?
SCOTT: Yeah.
JEAN: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it?
SCOTT gazes at her.
JEAN: (Cont'd) ..Scott?
SCOTT: Yes, yes!
JEAN: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here..
She leans back onto his hand.
SCOTT: Me either...
He pulls up a stool and sits down so he doesn't have to pull his hand away.
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC
AMARA is sitting in a doctor's room, waiting. SCOTT enters.
SCOTT: Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
TARYN enters, carrying a drink. She is tall, with long brown hair.
TARYN: Hi Scott.
AMARA: Scott, you know Taryn.
SCOTT: How could I forget her?
SCOTT and TARYN shake hands.
SCOTT: Hello, Taryn. (To AMARA) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
AMARA: Dr. Katsui.
SCOTT: ..Dr. Katsui. Okay. And is he-
TARYN: She.
SCOTT: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
AMARA: Yes, and she's very supportive.
SCOTT: Okay, that's great.
TARYN holds out her drink.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) No, I'm- Oh.
He passes it to AMARA.
AMARA: Thanks.
SCOTT picks up a surgical instrument and mimes a duck with it.
SCOTT: Quack, quack..
AMARA: Scott? That opens my cervix.
SCOTT drops it in horror.
INT. BOBBY'S SURGERY
BOBBY is working on a patient's mouth. BOBBY is tall, with long brown hair, tied back in a ponytail. JEAN walks in.
JEAN: Bobby?
BOBBY: C'mon in.
JEAN: (Hesitant) Are you sure?
BOBBY: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. He's gonna be here for hours.
PATIENT: Huh?!
BOBBY: So, how ya doin?
JEAN: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!
BOBBY: Yeah, well..
SECRETARY: (Over intercom) Dr. Daniels, John Allerdyce is gagging.
BOBBY: (To intercom) Be right there. (To PATIENT and JEAN) Be back in a sec.
The PATIENT stares at JEAN.
JEAN: I dumped him.
PATIENT: Okay.
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC
SCOTT, TARYN and AMARA are still waiting for the DOCTOR. SCOTT is obviously uneasy.
SCOTT: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
AMARA: Give me a 'for instance'.
SCOTT: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
AMARA: Marlon-
SCOTT: Marlon?!
AMARA: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
SCOTT: ...As in Mouse?
AMARA: As in my grandmother.
SCOTT: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?
AMARA: Julia..
TARYN: We agreed on Minnie.
SCOTT: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?
INT. BOBBY'S SURGERY
JEAN is doing her makeup in the mirror on BOBBY'S lamp. BOBBY walks in.
BOBBY: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
JEAN: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
BOBBY: Oh, that's great.
JEAN: Why are- why are you so tanned?
BOBBY: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
JEAN: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
BOBBY: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
PATIENT: Me?!
BOBBY: No! (To JEAN) I went with Jubilee.
JEAN: Jubilee?! My maid of honour, Jubilee?!
BOBBY: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
JEAN: Oh! Well, um..
She grabs his forehead.
JEAN: You've got plugs!
BOBBY: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.
JEAN: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!
BOBBY: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
JEAN: Okay..
BOBBY: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
JEAN: Wow.
BOBBY: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Jubilee, now I'm happy. Spit.
JEAN: What?
PATIENT: Me.
He spits.
JEAN: Anyway, um,
She gets the ring out of her purse.
JEAN: (Cont'd) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
BOBBY: Well, thank you for giving it back.
JEAN hands the ring back and BOBBY and JEAN smile at each other for a bit.
PATIENT: Hello?!
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC
TARYN: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
SCOTT: Helen Summers? I don't think so.
AMARA: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Summers.
SCOTT: Thank you!
AMARA: No, I mean it's not Summers.
SCOTT: What, it's gonna be Helen Aquilla?
AMARA: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Aquilla-Fujioka.
SCOTT: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
TARYN: It's my baby too.
SCOTT: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.
TARYN: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
AMARA: All right, you two, stop it!
SCOTT: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
AMARA: Scott. You're not actually suggesting Helen Aquilla-Fujioka-Summers? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
SCOTT: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Summers-Aquilla-Fujioka.
TARYN: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Summers, then he gets his way!
SCOTT: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-
DR. KATSUI enters.
DR. KATSUI: Knock knock! How are we today? Any nausea?
ALL: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
DR. KATSUI: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To AMARA) Uh, lie back..
SCOTT: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches his ear. He returns and stares at it transfixed.
SCOTT: Oh my God.
TARYN: Look at that.
AMARA: I know.
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
Everyone is watching a video of the sonogram.
SCOTT: Well? Isn't that amazing?
EVAN: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
KURT: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack ze Enterprise.
ROGUE: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.
SCOTT: Then don't do that, alright?
ROGUE: Okay!
SCOTT walks over to where KITTY is standing.
SCOTT: Kitty. Whaddya think?
KITTY has tears in her eyes.
KITTY: Mm-hmm.
SCOTT: Wh- are you welling up?
KITTY: No.
SCOTT: You are, you're welling up.
KITTY: I am so totally not!
SCOTT: You're gonna be an aunt.
KITTY pushes him and starts to cry.
KITTY: Oh shut up!
JEAN is on the phone.
JEAN: Hi, Jubilee. Hi, it-it's Jean. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Bobby today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Jubilee, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose.
She slams down the phone, and turns to the gang, who are staring.
JEAN: Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel SO much better now.
CAST
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis
Rogue.................................Meghan Black
Kurt Wagner.................................Brad Swaile
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra
Amara Aquilla.................................Alexandra Carter
Taryn Fujioka .................................Janyse Jaud
Sarah.................................Nicole Oliver
Mr. Summers.................................Michael Kopsa
Mrs. Summers.................................Ellen Kennedy
Dr. Katsui.................................Chiara Zanni
Bobby Drake.................................Andrew Francis
And that's a wrap with episode two of X-Men: Friends. But what about next episode? Here's a sneak peek:
KURT: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as ze thing that's been missing from your hand. Ven you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
ROGUE: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not- mine'...
KITTY: I mean, why should I like, let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're like, all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
SCOTT: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
All this, and much more next time on X Friends!
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
Everyone is present, sitting on the sofa and chairs.
KITTY: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is like, as important as any part of it.
EVAN: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
ROGUE: Oh, yeah!
JEAN: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
KITTY: Like, absolutely.
KURT: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like ze stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
SCOTT: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
KURT: The problem is, though, after ze concert's over, no matter how great the show vas, you girls are always looking for ze comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in ze car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay avake.
JEAN: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
EVAN: (PAUSE)....Are we still talking about sex ?
INT. MUSEUM OF PREHISTORIC HISTORY
SCOTT and a colleague, SARAH are setting up an exhibit, which includes some mannequins of cave people.
SCOTT: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
SARAH: Well, she has issues.
SCOTT: Does she.
SARAH: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
SCOTT: Sarah, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?
SARAH: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
AMARA has entered behind them, outside the exhibit.
SCOTT: (Trying to ignore her) No. No.
SARAH: Yes, it is. Amara! Hi!
SCOTT: Okay, okay, yes, it is.
He waves to AMARA. AMARA is quite tall, with long brown hair.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
SARAH leaves, and SCOTT waves at AMARA to come into the exhibit.
SCOTT: Hi.
AMARA: So.
SCOTT: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.
AMARA: Sorry. You look good too.
SCOTT: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...
AMARA: A lesbian?
SCOTT: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
AMARA: Malaya's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
SCOTT: Why- why are you here, Amara?
AMARA: I'm pregnant.
SCOTT: Pregnant?!
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
KURT, EVAN, ROGUE and KITTY are watching 'Three's Company'
KURT: Oh, I zink zis is ze episode of Three's Company vhere zere's some kind of misunderstanding.
ROGUE: ...Then I've already seen this one!
She turns the TV off.
KITTY takes EVAN'S drink
KITTY: Are you through with that?
EVAN: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
KITTY: Whose little ball of paper is this?!
KURT: Oh, uh, zat vould be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and zen I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (off KITTY'S look) ...now I vish I vas dead.
KITTY starts to fluff a pillow.
ROGUE: She's already fluffed that pillow... Kitty, you know, you've already fluffed that- (KITTY gives her a look) -but, it's fine!
KITTY: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna like, give them any more ammunition than they already have.
KURT: Yes, and ve all know how cruel a parent can be about ze flatness of a child's pillow.
ROGUE: Kitty - Hi! Um, Kitty, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
EVAN: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Scott getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
KITTY: That's because like, as far as my parents are concerned, Scott can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some like, big ceremony before I was born.
KURT is standing looking out of the window.
KURT: Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
KITTY: What?
KURT: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
ALL: Eeaagh!
JEAN enters from her bedroom.
JEAN: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
ROGUE: Yeah, it's beautiful.
JEAN: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God....
She starts to look under cushions.
ROGUE: No, look, don't touch that!
JEAN: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Bobby! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...
KITTY: Easy Jean, we'll like, find it for you.
She turns to the others.
KITTY: (Cont'd) Won't we!
KURT and EVAN: Oh! Yeah!
EVAN: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
ROGUE: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
KURT: You don't get a lot of 'doy' zese days...
JEAN: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
KURT: ...Dinah?
JEAN looks at the lasagne and sudden realisation hits her.
JEAN: Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
KITTY: You didn't.
JEAN: Oh, I am sorry...
KITTY: I gave you like, one job!
She starts examining the lasagne through the glass dish.
JEAN: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
KURT: Now, Kitty, you know zat's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
KITTY puts the lasagne down.
KITTY: I just... can't do it.
KURT: Boys? We're going in.
KURT, EVAN and ROGUE start to pick through the lasagne. There is a knock at the door. It is SCOTT.
SCOTT: .....Hi.
KITTY: Wow. That is not like, a happy hi.
SCOTT: Amara's pregnant.
ROGUE: (While everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!
She holds up Jean's wedding ring.
KITTY: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...
SCOTT: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now.
He comes in.
KURT: Kinda puts zat whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Kitty?
JEAN: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?
SCOTT: Well, Amara says she and Taryn want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
ROGUE: She is so great! I miss her.
KITTY: What does she mean by 'involved'?
KURT: I mean presumably, ze biggest part of your job is done.
SCOTT: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
JEAN: So what are you gonna do?
SCOTT: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
At the sound of EVAN eating the lasagne the gang turn round and stare at him accusingly.
EVAN: .....Well, this is still ruined?
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
It is the evening now. KITTY and SCOTT are pouring wine for MR. and MRS. SUMMERS. MR. SUMMERS is tall and resembles SCOTT with short brown hair. MRS. SUMMERS is average height and has short blonde hair
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you.
She tastes a snack.
MRS SUMMERS: Mmm! What's that curry taste?
KITTY: Curry.
MRS. SUMMERS: Mmmm!
SCOTT: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.
MR. SUMMERS: (To SCOTT) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
MRS. SUMMERS: They all had a thing for him.
SCOTT: Aw, Mom...
KITTY: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to like, call me?
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
KITTY: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
MRS. SUMMERS: Well, they don't have to know that...
She starts to fluff the pillows.
KITTY: Scott, could you come and like, help me with the spaghetti, please?
SCOTT: Yeah.
They go to the kitchen.
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.
KITTY: I know this is going to sound like, unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might like, take some of the heat off me.
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
SCOTT, KITTY and their parents are eating dinner.
MRS. SUMMERS: What that Jean did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
MR. SUMMERS: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
MRS. SUMMERS: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
KITTY: Like, what's that supposed to mean?
MRS. SUMMERS: Nothing! It's an expression.
KITTY: No it's not.
MR. SUMMERS: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
INT. INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
They are starting on dessert.
MR. SUMMERS: Look, there are people like Scott who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
They have finished the meal.
MR. SUMMERS: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Kitty' doesn't seem to have that problem.
KITTY: (Trying to change the subject) So, Scott what's like, going on with you? Any stories?
She digs her elbow into his hand
KITTY: (Cont'd) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
SCOTT pulls his hand away from her.
SCOTT: Okay! Okay. (TO MR. and MRS. SUMMERS) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Amara and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Amara's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Taryn. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Taryn are going to raise the baby.
There is a stunned silence.
MRS. SUMMERS turns to KITTY.
MRS SUMMERS: And you knew about this?!
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
It is the end of the day and everyone is consoling KITTY about her parents visit.
EVAN: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
SCOTT: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.
KITTY: Boy, I know they say you can't like, change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To SCOTT) -I'd want yours.
SCOTT: Excuse me guys, I gotta go pee.
SCOTT goes to the toilet.
ROGUE: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.
JEAN: You're twins?
ROGUE: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.
KURT: Vat does she do?
ROGUE: She's a waitress.
JEAN: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now.
They all start to leave.
KITTY: Kurt, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
KURT: Vell, no, alzough I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
JEAN: The lights, please..
EVAN turns off the light and they all leave. JEAN starts to sweep, then SCOTT comes back from the toilet.
SCOTT: ...How long was I in there?
JEAN: I'm just cleaning up.
SCOTT: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?
JEAN: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks!
She hands him the broom and then sits down on one of the bar stools.
SCOTT: Anyway.. um..
He starts to sweep.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) So, you- uh- you nervous about Bobby tomorrow?
JEAN: Oh.. a little..
SCOTT: Mm-hmm..
JEAN: A lot.
SCOTT: Mm.
JEAN: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?
SCOTT: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey! I'll go down there, and I'll give Bobby back his ring, and you can go with Amara and Taryn to the OB/GYN..
JEAN: Oh, you've got Amara tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
SCOTT: Got me.
JEAN: Remember when we were in high school together?
SCOTT: Yeah.
JEAN: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it?
SCOTT gazes at her.
JEAN: (Cont'd) ..Scott?
SCOTT: Yes, yes!
JEAN: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here..
She leans back onto his hand.
SCOTT: Me either...
He pulls up a stool and sits down so he doesn't have to pull his hand away.
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC
AMARA is sitting in a doctor's room, waiting. SCOTT enters.
SCOTT: Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
TARYN enters, carrying a drink. She is tall, with long brown hair.
TARYN: Hi Scott.
AMARA: Scott, you know Taryn.
SCOTT: How could I forget her?
SCOTT and TARYN shake hands.
SCOTT: Hello, Taryn. (To AMARA) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
AMARA: Dr. Katsui.
SCOTT: ..Dr. Katsui. Okay. And is he-
TARYN: She.
SCOTT: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
AMARA: Yes, and she's very supportive.
SCOTT: Okay, that's great.
TARYN holds out her drink.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) No, I'm- Oh.
He passes it to AMARA.
AMARA: Thanks.
SCOTT picks up a surgical instrument and mimes a duck with it.
SCOTT: Quack, quack..
AMARA: Scott? That opens my cervix.
SCOTT drops it in horror.
INT. BOBBY'S SURGERY
BOBBY is working on a patient's mouth. BOBBY is tall, with long brown hair, tied back in a ponytail. JEAN walks in.
JEAN: Bobby?
BOBBY: C'mon in.
JEAN: (Hesitant) Are you sure?
BOBBY: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. He's gonna be here for hours.
PATIENT: Huh?!
BOBBY: So, how ya doin?
JEAN: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!
BOBBY: Yeah, well..
SECRETARY: (Over intercom) Dr. Daniels, John Allerdyce is gagging.
BOBBY: (To intercom) Be right there. (To PATIENT and JEAN) Be back in a sec.
The PATIENT stares at JEAN.
JEAN: I dumped him.
PATIENT: Okay.
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC
SCOTT, TARYN and AMARA are still waiting for the DOCTOR. SCOTT is obviously uneasy.
SCOTT: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
AMARA: Give me a 'for instance'.
SCOTT: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
AMARA: Marlon-
SCOTT: Marlon?!
AMARA: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
SCOTT: ...As in Mouse?
AMARA: As in my grandmother.
SCOTT: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?
AMARA: Julia..
TARYN: We agreed on Minnie.
SCOTT: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?
INT. BOBBY'S SURGERY
JEAN is doing her makeup in the mirror on BOBBY'S lamp. BOBBY walks in.
BOBBY: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
JEAN: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
BOBBY: Oh, that's great.
JEAN: Why are- why are you so tanned?
BOBBY: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
JEAN: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
BOBBY: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
PATIENT: Me?!
BOBBY: No! (To JEAN) I went with Jubilee.
JEAN: Jubilee?! My maid of honour, Jubilee?!
BOBBY: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
JEAN: Oh! Well, um..
She grabs his forehead.
JEAN: You've got plugs!
BOBBY: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.
JEAN: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!
BOBBY: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
JEAN: Okay..
BOBBY: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
JEAN: Wow.
BOBBY: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Jubilee, now I'm happy. Spit.
JEAN: What?
PATIENT: Me.
He spits.
JEAN: Anyway, um,
She gets the ring out of her purse.
JEAN: (Cont'd) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
BOBBY: Well, thank you for giving it back.
JEAN hands the ring back and BOBBY and JEAN smile at each other for a bit.
PATIENT: Hello?!
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC
TARYN: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
SCOTT: Helen Summers? I don't think so.
AMARA: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Summers.
SCOTT: Thank you!
AMARA: No, I mean it's not Summers.
SCOTT: What, it's gonna be Helen Aquilla?
AMARA: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Aquilla-Fujioka.
SCOTT: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
TARYN: It's my baby too.
SCOTT: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.
TARYN: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
AMARA: All right, you two, stop it!
SCOTT: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
AMARA: Scott. You're not actually suggesting Helen Aquilla-Fujioka-Summers? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
SCOTT: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Summers-Aquilla-Fujioka.
TARYN: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Summers, then he gets his way!
SCOTT: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-
DR. KATSUI enters.
DR. KATSUI: Knock knock! How are we today? Any nausea?
ALL: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
DR. KATSUI: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To AMARA) Uh, lie back..
SCOTT: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches his ear. He returns and stares at it transfixed.
SCOTT: Oh my God.
TARYN: Look at that.
AMARA: I know.
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT
Everyone is watching a video of the sonogram.
SCOTT: Well? Isn't that amazing?
EVAN: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
KURT: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack ze Enterprise.
ROGUE: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.
SCOTT: Then don't do that, alright?
ROGUE: Okay!
SCOTT walks over to where KITTY is standing.
SCOTT: Kitty. Whaddya think?
KITTY has tears in her eyes.
KITTY: Mm-hmm.
SCOTT: Wh- are you welling up?
KITTY: No.
SCOTT: You are, you're welling up.
KITTY: I am so totally not!
SCOTT: You're gonna be an aunt.
KITTY pushes him and starts to cry.
KITTY: Oh shut up!
JEAN is on the phone.
JEAN: Hi, Jubilee. Hi, it-it's Jean. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Bobby today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Jubilee, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose.
She slams down the phone, and turns to the gang, who are staring.
JEAN: Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel SO much better now.
CAST
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis
Rogue.................................Meghan Black
Kurt Wagner.................................Brad Swaile
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra
Amara Aquilla.................................Alexandra Carter
Taryn Fujioka .................................Janyse Jaud
Sarah.................................Nicole Oliver
Mr. Summers.................................Michael Kopsa
Mrs. Summers.................................Ellen Kennedy
Dr. Katsui.................................Chiara Zanni
Bobby Drake.................................Andrew Francis
And that's a wrap with episode two of X-Men: Friends. But what about next episode? Here's a sneak peek:
KURT: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as ze thing that's been missing from your hand. Ven you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
ROGUE: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not- mine'...
KITTY: I mean, why should I like, let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're like, all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
SCOTT: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
All this, and much more next time on X Friends!