Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men or Friends and all characters and situations do not belong to me. Enjoy!
The One With George Stephanopoulos
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
Everyone is there except Evan.
KITTY: Alright. Rogue?
ROGUE: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
SCOTT: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Kurt, what about you?
KURT: Uh, if I vere omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
JEAN: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes."
EVAN enters.
ALL: Hey Evan. Hi. Hey, buddy.
KITTY: Hey, Evan, what would you do if you were like, omnipotent?
EVAN: Probably kill myself!
KITTY: ..Excuse me?
EVAN: Hey, if Little Evan's dead, then I got no reason to live!
SCOTT: Evan, uh- OMnipotent.
EVAN: You are? Scott, I'm sorry..
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
Everyone has left, except for SCOTT and KITTY who are watching ROGUE sleep.
KITTY: How does she do that?
SCOTT: I cannot sleep in a public place.
KITTY: Would you look at her? She is like, so peaceful.
ROGUE wakes up and startles them.
ROGUE: Oh! What what what! ...Hi.
SCOTT: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.
KITTY: Like, what's going on with you?
ROGUE: I got no sleep last night!
SCOTT: Why?
ROGUE: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
KITTY: Well, if you want, you can like, stay with Jean and me tonight.
ROGUE: Thanks.
KURT and EVAN enter. EVAN is counting his steps.
EVAN: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
KURT: You got vaaaay too much free time.
EVAN: (To SCOTT) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Scott, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
KURT: Happy birthday, pal!
EVAN: We love you, man.
He kisses him.
SCOTT: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.
EVAN: So?
SCOTT: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
KURT: Vell, aren't we Mr. "Ze glass is half empty".
SCOTT: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?
KITTY: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't like, remember.
SCOTT: Ohhh.
EVAN: What's wrong with the twentieth?
KURT: Eleven days before Hallowe'en.. all the good costumes are gone?
SCOTT: Today's the day Amara and I first.. consummated our physical relationship.
EVAN is puzzled.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
EVAN: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
KURT: (Trying to stop SCOTT leaving) C'mon, Scott! You, me, Evan, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, vhaddya say, big guy,
He pretends to punch him in the stomach.
KURT: (Cont'd) Huh? huh? huh?
SCOTT: What are you doing?
KURT: (Stops) I have no idea.
EVAN: C'mon, Scott!
SCOTT: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
KURT: You got it.
JEAN runs up clutching an envelope.
JEAN: Look look look look look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
ROGUE: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
KITTY: Wow, you worked in a mine?
ROGUE: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
JEAN: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally-
She opens the envelope.
JEAN: -not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Kurt, look at that.
KURT: (Looking) Oh, zis is not zat bad.
EVAN: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
SCOTT: You can totally, totally live on this.
KITTY: Yeah, yeah.
SCOTT: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.
ALL: Oh! Yeah!
They all get their wallets out and give generous tips to her.
BOYS: Hockey!
They are about to leave, but are blocked by ANNA, ELISABETH and JULIA. There's a pause as the BOYS stare at them.
BOYS: Hockey! Hockey.
The BOYS exit.
ANNA: (Looking round) Jean?
JEAN: Oh my God!
JEAN, ANNA, JULIA and ELISABETH all scream and hug each other. ANNA is tall with brown hair and blue eyes, ELISABETH is shorter, with blonde hair and green eyes, JULIA is the shortest, with black hair and grey eyes.
KITTY: (To ROGUE) I swear I've like, seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.
JEAN: What are you guys doing here?
JULIA: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
ELISABETH: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
JEAN: (To (Pregnant) ANNA) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
ANNA: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.
JEAN: (To ELISABETH) So what's going on with you?
ELISABETH: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm?
She points to herself and they all scream.
JULIA: And while we're on the subject of news..
She holds up her finger to show a ring and they all scream again.
ROGUE: (To KITTY) Look, look, I have elbows!
They both scream.
EXT. STREET
KURT and EVAN are kicking a can about, whilst SCOTT walks with them, depressed.
KURT: ...Poulet passes it up to Leech!
He passes it to EVAN.
EVAN: Leech spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass!
He kicks it to SCOTT, but SCOTT is staring into a shop window.
KURT: Ve'll take a brief time out vhile Messier stops to look at some vomen's shoes.
SCOTT: Amara was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (Off KURT'S look) Sorry. Sorry.
They walk on. KURT and EVAN start to talk, but SCOTT stops and whines.
EVAN: What?
SCOTT: Peach pit.
KURT: Yes, Bunny?
SCOTT: (Points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-
EVAN: -Peaches?
SCOTT: Actually, nectarines, but basically..
KURT: (To EVAN) Could've been a peach.
SCOTT: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the-
He looks up, realises and points.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) -the bus stop... I'm fine.
EVAN: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Amara's!
They turn to stare at him.
EVAN: (Cont'd) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
INT. DUNCAN'S COFEE
JEAN, ANNA, JULIA and ELISABETH are talking.
JEAN: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!
JULIA: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Bobby at the altar!
ELISABETH: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
JEAN: Okay.
ELISABETH: When are you coming home?
JEAN: What? Guys, I'm not.
ELISABETH: C'mon, this is us.
JEAN: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-
JULIA: Waitressing?
JEAN: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Duncan lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
ANNA: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT
ROGUE and KITTY are in pyjamas. KITTY is making something in the blender, while ROGUE sits at the table. JEAN enters.
KITTY: Hey, Jean. How was it with your friends?
She and ROGUE scream.
KITTY: (Cont'd) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch?
She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses on the table.
JEAN: What's that?
KITTY: Weeeell, it's like, rum, and-
JEAN: Okay.
She grabs the blender and starts to drink.
KITTY: We thought since Rogue was staying over tonight we'd have like, a slumber party thing. We like, got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister..
The phone rings and KITTY goes to answer it.
ROGUE: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!
KITTY: Uh, Jean, it's the Visa card people.
JEAN: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
KITTY: (Phone) Could you please tell me like, what this is in reference to? ...Yes, hold on. (To JEAN) Um, they say there's been like, some unusual activity on your account.
JEAN: But I haven't used my card in weeks!
KITTY: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're like, okay.
JEAN: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
KITTY: (Pauses, then to phone) Uh- Jean has like, left the building, can you call back?
JEAN: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!
INT. NEW YORK ICE RINK
The GUYS are trying to find their seats.
SCOTT: (Squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.
KURT: Vhat? There was ice there that night with Amara? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
SCOTT: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost...
EVAN: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT
KITTY and ROGUE are trying to console Jean.
KITTY: You should feel great about yourself! You're like, doing this amazing independence thing!
JEAN: Kitty, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
ROGUE: You are just like Jack.
JEAN: ...Jack from downstairs?
ROGUE: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
KITTY: Ah, the other Jack.
ROGUE: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
JEAN: Okay, but Rogue, Rogue, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-
ROGUE: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
JEAN: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like-
ROGUE: Floopy?
JEAN: Yeah.
KITTY: So what, you're not the only one. I mean like, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just like, gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
ROGUE: Oh, like that's a word.
JEAN: Okay, but Kitty, what if- what if it doesn't come together?
KITTY: ...Rogue?
ROGUE: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question.
JEAN: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?
INT. NEW YORK ICE RINK
SCOTT, KURT and EVAN are really into the game.
SCOTT: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!
KURT: (To SCOTT) See buddy, zat's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other vith sticks.
SCOTT: Pass it! Pass it!
KURT: He's open!
ALL: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
The PLAYER shoots. The puck flies off the rink and hits SCOTT in the face. KURT looks concerned, until he notices...
KURT: Hey, look, ve're on zat TV thing!
KURT and EVAN hold up the puck and wave at the big screen.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
KURT and EVAN lead SCOTT in.
KURT: (To RECEPTIONIST) 'Scuse me.
RECEPTIONIST: (Holds up her hand - she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
KURT: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Vell, I guess you know that, or ve'd be in ze predicament room.
The RECEPTIONIST gives him a look to freeze hell.
RECEPTIONIST: (To PHONE) Hold on. (To KURT) Fill these out, sit over there.
She tosses him some forms.
SCOTT jumps to his feet.
SCOTT: Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.
RECEPTIONIST: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.
EVAN: Well, how long do you think it'll be?
RECEPTIONIST: (Sarcastic) Any minute now.
SCOTT: Hey, this- (She gives him a look and the GUYS back off) Heyy...
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT
The GIRLS are all talking.
JEAN: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
KITTY: No, you were right. I don't like, have a plan.
There's a knock at the door.
PIZZA GUY (Outside): Pizza guy.
JEAN: Thank God. Food.
She goes to get it.
KITTY: Rogue?
ROGUE: What?
KITTY: Do you have a plan?
ROGUE: I don't even have a 'pl'.
PIZZA GUY: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?
JEAN: (Miserable) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
PIZZA GUY: Wait, you're not 'G. Stephanopoulos'? Man, my dad's gonna kill me!
KITTY leaps the couch and runs up to him.
KITTY: Wait! Did you say 'G. Stephanopoulos'?
PIZZA GUY: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!
KITTY: Wait, was this a-a small oriental guy with curiously intelligent good looks?
PIZZA GUY: Yeah, that sounds about right.
KITTY: Was he like, wearing a stunning blue suit?
ROGUE: And-and a power tie?
PIZZA GUY: No, pretty much just a towel.
KITTY: (Staggered) Oh God.
PIZZA GUY: So you guys want me to take this back?
KITTY: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza!
JEAN pays him. KITTY grabs some binoculars and runs to the window.
JEAN: Uh, Rogue? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
ROGUE: Big Bird's friend.
KITTY: I like, see pizza!
ROGUE: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see!
She runs up and takes the binoculars.
JEAN: Hello? Who are we spying on?
KITTY: President's adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?
JEAN: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
ROGUE: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
KITTY: Please tell me it's his mother.
ROGUE: Definitely not his mother.
KITTY: Oh, no...
ROGUE: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking..she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yells) Hey, that's not for you, bitch!
ROGUE covers her mouth with her hand and walks away from the window.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
EVAN is miming hockey pucks hitting foreheads. KURT realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.
KURT: Excuse me, look, ve've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick zan my friend have gone in. I mean, zat guy vith the toe thing? Who's he sleeping vith?
She slides the glass panel over. KURT talks through it in a loud voice.
KURT: Oh, c'mon Tina, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the E.R.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her..
She slides the panel back. He turns and it takes him by surprise.
KURT: (Cont'd) Ba-!
EXT. BALCONY OUTSIDE JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT
The GIRLS are still watching George Stephanopoulos' apartment.
KITTY: Light still out?
JEAN: Yeah.
KITTY: Oh. Maybe they're like, napping.
JEAN: Oh please, they're having sex.
KITTY and ROGUE: Shut up!
JEAN: So, whaddya think George is like?
KITTY: I think he's shy.
ROGUE: Yeah?
KITTY: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
SCOTT: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
KURT: Yes, ze moon, ze glow, ze magical feeElisabeth, you did zis part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
EVAN: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
SCOTT: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
KURT: Vell, vhat? Vhat? Vhat is it? Zat she left you? Zat she likes vomen? Zat she left you for another voman that likes vomen?
SCOTT: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
KURT: Zen vhat?
SCOTT: My first time with Amara was.. (Mumbles)
EVAN: What?
SCOTT: It was my first time.
EVAN: With Amara?
SCOTT gives him a look.
EVAN: Oh.
KURT: So in your whole life, you've only been vith one-
He gets a look too.
KURT: (Cont'd) -oh.
EVAN: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
EXT. BALCONY OUTSIDE JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT
KITTY: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
ROGUE: Uh-huh.
KITTY: Well, unless goose is like, a vegetable...ha haaaah!
ROGUE: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Sam.
KITTY: What?! You like, slept with Sam?
ROGUE: You'd already broken up.
JEAN: How long?
ROGUE: A couple hours.
KITTY: Oh, that's nice!
JEAN: Okay, okay, okay, I got one!
She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off the balcony.
JEAN: Anyway- The valentine Kevin Davis left in your locker was really from me.
KITTY: Excuse me?!
JEAN: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To ROGUE) She was a big girl.
KITTY: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't like, pee in their pants in seventh grade!
JEAN: I was laughing! You made me laugh!
KITTY and JEAN start to squabble.
ROGUE: There he is! There he is!
KITTY: Where?
ROGUE: Right- where we've been looking all night!
JEAN: He is so cute!
KITTY: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!
ALL: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the- (Pause) -wowww.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
SCOTT is absent, and EVAN and KURT are chatting.
EVAN: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
KURT: I zink it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic..
EVAN: Really?
KURT: No, you kidding? Ze guy's a freak..
SCOTT enters.
BOTH: Hey, buddy.
SCOTT: Hi.
He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto the reception desk.
RECEPTIONIST: (Sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.
KURT: Oh, I thought you vere great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
SCOTT: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
EVAN: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
SCOTT: The kid..? (To KID) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.
KID: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.
SCOTT looks at KURT for help.
KURT: You gotta do it, man.
SCOTT: (To KID) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever- (To KURT) -can't do it. (To KID) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
KID: No.
SCOTT: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!
KID: No! No!
They fight over it.
RECEPTIONIST: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!
SCOTT: (Tries to snatch it-) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (-Bit it flies out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist.
SCOTT: ...Now that was fun.
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT
EVAN and the GIRLS are playing Twister, whilst SCOTT is doing the spinning.
SCOTT: Okay, Kitty: Right foot red.
KITTY: Could've like, played Monopoly, but nooooo.
There's a knock at the door. KURT opens it and some guy silently hands back the cushion.
KURT: Danke schön.
The guy nods and leaves.
SCOTT: Okay, Rogue: Right hand blue.
ROGUE has to bend over.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) Good.
EVAN stares at her butt appreciatively. The phone rings and KURT answers it.
KURT: Hello? Oh, uh, Jean, it's ze Visa card people.
JEAN: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?
KURT: Alright. (To PHONE) Yes, zis is Jean.
JEAN: Nooo!
She takes the phone and KURT takes her place in the game of Twister.
JEAN: Hello? Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really. I've got magic beans. Never-never mind. Alright. Okay. Yeah, bye.
JEAN puts the phone down and rejoins the game of twister.
SCOTT: Green. To the green.
KURT: To ze left, to ze left- aww!
They all collapse on JEAN.
JEAN: Ohhh... I'm fine.
CAST
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis
Rogue.................................Meghan Black
Kurt Wagner/Pizza Guy.................................Brad Swaile
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra
Receptionist.................................Collen Wheeler
Boy.................................Bill Switzer
Elisabeth.................................Kelly Sheridan
Anna.................................Saffron Henderson
Julia.................................Kristen Williamson
Another chapter done! Yes! And for all those kind reviewers, here's a preview of next episode:
SCOTT: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little manoeuvre, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
KURT: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting zere vith her, she has no idea vhat's happening, and zen you finally get up ze courage to do it, and zere's ze horrible awkward moment vhen you've handed her ze note.
JEAN: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
EMMA: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
JEAN: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Kitty at laundorama.
All that and more next time on X Friends!
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
Everyone is there except Evan.
KITTY: Alright. Rogue?
ROGUE: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
SCOTT: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Kurt, what about you?
KURT: Uh, if I vere omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
JEAN: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes."
EVAN enters.
ALL: Hey Evan. Hi. Hey, buddy.
KITTY: Hey, Evan, what would you do if you were like, omnipotent?
EVAN: Probably kill myself!
KITTY: ..Excuse me?
EVAN: Hey, if Little Evan's dead, then I got no reason to live!
SCOTT: Evan, uh- OMnipotent.
EVAN: You are? Scott, I'm sorry..
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE
Everyone has left, except for SCOTT and KITTY who are watching ROGUE sleep.
KITTY: How does she do that?
SCOTT: I cannot sleep in a public place.
KITTY: Would you look at her? She is like, so peaceful.
ROGUE wakes up and startles them.
ROGUE: Oh! What what what! ...Hi.
SCOTT: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.
KITTY: Like, what's going on with you?
ROGUE: I got no sleep last night!
SCOTT: Why?
ROGUE: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
KITTY: Well, if you want, you can like, stay with Jean and me tonight.
ROGUE: Thanks.
KURT and EVAN enter. EVAN is counting his steps.
EVAN: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
KURT: You got vaaaay too much free time.
EVAN: (To SCOTT) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Scott, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
KURT: Happy birthday, pal!
EVAN: We love you, man.
He kisses him.
SCOTT: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.
EVAN: So?
SCOTT: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
KURT: Vell, aren't we Mr. "Ze glass is half empty".
SCOTT: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?
KITTY: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't like, remember.
SCOTT: Ohhh.
EVAN: What's wrong with the twentieth?
KURT: Eleven days before Hallowe'en.. all the good costumes are gone?
SCOTT: Today's the day Amara and I first.. consummated our physical relationship.
EVAN is puzzled.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
EVAN: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
KURT: (Trying to stop SCOTT leaving) C'mon, Scott! You, me, Evan, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, vhaddya say, big guy,
He pretends to punch him in the stomach.
KURT: (Cont'd) Huh? huh? huh?
SCOTT: What are you doing?
KURT: (Stops) I have no idea.
EVAN: C'mon, Scott!
SCOTT: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
KURT: You got it.
JEAN runs up clutching an envelope.
JEAN: Look look look look look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
ROGUE: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
KITTY: Wow, you worked in a mine?
ROGUE: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
JEAN: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally-
She opens the envelope.
JEAN: -not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Kurt, look at that.
KURT: (Looking) Oh, zis is not zat bad.
EVAN: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
SCOTT: You can totally, totally live on this.
KITTY: Yeah, yeah.
SCOTT: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.
ALL: Oh! Yeah!
They all get their wallets out and give generous tips to her.
BOYS: Hockey!
They are about to leave, but are blocked by ANNA, ELISABETH and JULIA. There's a pause as the BOYS stare at them.
BOYS: Hockey! Hockey.
The BOYS exit.
ANNA: (Looking round) Jean?
JEAN: Oh my God!
JEAN, ANNA, JULIA and ELISABETH all scream and hug each other. ANNA is tall with brown hair and blue eyes, ELISABETH is shorter, with blonde hair and green eyes, JULIA is the shortest, with black hair and grey eyes.
KITTY: (To ROGUE) I swear I've like, seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.
JEAN: What are you guys doing here?
JULIA: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
ELISABETH: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
JEAN: (To (Pregnant) ANNA) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
ANNA: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.
JEAN: (To ELISABETH) So what's going on with you?
ELISABETH: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm?
She points to herself and they all scream.
JULIA: And while we're on the subject of news..
She holds up her finger to show a ring and they all scream again.
ROGUE: (To KITTY) Look, look, I have elbows!
They both scream.
EXT. STREET
KURT and EVAN are kicking a can about, whilst SCOTT walks with them, depressed.
KURT: ...Poulet passes it up to Leech!
He passes it to EVAN.
EVAN: Leech spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass!
He kicks it to SCOTT, but SCOTT is staring into a shop window.
KURT: Ve'll take a brief time out vhile Messier stops to look at some vomen's shoes.
SCOTT: Amara was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (Off KURT'S look) Sorry. Sorry.
They walk on. KURT and EVAN start to talk, but SCOTT stops and whines.
EVAN: What?
SCOTT: Peach pit.
KURT: Yes, Bunny?
SCOTT: (Points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-
EVAN: -Peaches?
SCOTT: Actually, nectarines, but basically..
KURT: (To EVAN) Could've been a peach.
SCOTT: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the-
He looks up, realises and points.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) -the bus stop... I'm fine.
EVAN: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Amara's!
They turn to stare at him.
EVAN: (Cont'd) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
INT. DUNCAN'S COFEE
JEAN, ANNA, JULIA and ELISABETH are talking.
JEAN: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!
JULIA: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Bobby at the altar!
ELISABETH: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
JEAN: Okay.
ELISABETH: When are you coming home?
JEAN: What? Guys, I'm not.
ELISABETH: C'mon, this is us.
JEAN: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-
JULIA: Waitressing?
JEAN: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Duncan lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
ANNA: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT
ROGUE and KITTY are in pyjamas. KITTY is making something in the blender, while ROGUE sits at the table. JEAN enters.
KITTY: Hey, Jean. How was it with your friends?
She and ROGUE scream.
KITTY: (Cont'd) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch?
She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses on the table.
JEAN: What's that?
KITTY: Weeeell, it's like, rum, and-
JEAN: Okay.
She grabs the blender and starts to drink.
KITTY: We thought since Rogue was staying over tonight we'd have like, a slumber party thing. We like, got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister..
The phone rings and KITTY goes to answer it.
ROGUE: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!
KITTY: Uh, Jean, it's the Visa card people.
JEAN: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
KITTY: (Phone) Could you please tell me like, what this is in reference to? ...Yes, hold on. (To JEAN) Um, they say there's been like, some unusual activity on your account.
JEAN: But I haven't used my card in weeks!
KITTY: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're like, okay.
JEAN: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
KITTY: (Pauses, then to phone) Uh- Jean has like, left the building, can you call back?
JEAN: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!
INT. NEW YORK ICE RINK
The GUYS are trying to find their seats.
SCOTT: (Squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.
KURT: Vhat? There was ice there that night with Amara? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
SCOTT: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost...
EVAN: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT
KITTY and ROGUE are trying to console Jean.
KITTY: You should feel great about yourself! You're like, doing this amazing independence thing!
JEAN: Kitty, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
ROGUE: You are just like Jack.
JEAN: ...Jack from downstairs?
ROGUE: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
KITTY: Ah, the other Jack.
ROGUE: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
JEAN: Okay, but Rogue, Rogue, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-
ROGUE: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
JEAN: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like-
ROGUE: Floopy?
JEAN: Yeah.
KITTY: So what, you're not the only one. I mean like, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just like, gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
ROGUE: Oh, like that's a word.
JEAN: Okay, but Kitty, what if- what if it doesn't come together?
KITTY: ...Rogue?
ROGUE: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question.
JEAN: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?
INT. NEW YORK ICE RINK
SCOTT, KURT and EVAN are really into the game.
SCOTT: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!
KURT: (To SCOTT) See buddy, zat's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other vith sticks.
SCOTT: Pass it! Pass it!
KURT: He's open!
ALL: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
The PLAYER shoots. The puck flies off the rink and hits SCOTT in the face. KURT looks concerned, until he notices...
KURT: Hey, look, ve're on zat TV thing!
KURT and EVAN hold up the puck and wave at the big screen.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
KURT and EVAN lead SCOTT in.
KURT: (To RECEPTIONIST) 'Scuse me.
RECEPTIONIST: (Holds up her hand - she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
KURT: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Vell, I guess you know that, or ve'd be in ze predicament room.
The RECEPTIONIST gives him a look to freeze hell.
RECEPTIONIST: (To PHONE) Hold on. (To KURT) Fill these out, sit over there.
She tosses him some forms.
SCOTT jumps to his feet.
SCOTT: Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.
RECEPTIONIST: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.
EVAN: Well, how long do you think it'll be?
RECEPTIONIST: (Sarcastic) Any minute now.
SCOTT: Hey, this- (She gives him a look and the GUYS back off) Heyy...
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT
The GIRLS are all talking.
JEAN: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
KITTY: No, you were right. I don't like, have a plan.
There's a knock at the door.
PIZZA GUY (Outside): Pizza guy.
JEAN: Thank God. Food.
She goes to get it.
KITTY: Rogue?
ROGUE: What?
KITTY: Do you have a plan?
ROGUE: I don't even have a 'pl'.
PIZZA GUY: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?
JEAN: (Miserable) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
PIZZA GUY: Wait, you're not 'G. Stephanopoulos'? Man, my dad's gonna kill me!
KITTY leaps the couch and runs up to him.
KITTY: Wait! Did you say 'G. Stephanopoulos'?
PIZZA GUY: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!
KITTY: Wait, was this a-a small oriental guy with curiously intelligent good looks?
PIZZA GUY: Yeah, that sounds about right.
KITTY: Was he like, wearing a stunning blue suit?
ROGUE: And-and a power tie?
PIZZA GUY: No, pretty much just a towel.
KITTY: (Staggered) Oh God.
PIZZA GUY: So you guys want me to take this back?
KITTY: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza!
JEAN pays him. KITTY grabs some binoculars and runs to the window.
JEAN: Uh, Rogue? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
ROGUE: Big Bird's friend.
KITTY: I like, see pizza!
ROGUE: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see!
She runs up and takes the binoculars.
JEAN: Hello? Who are we spying on?
KITTY: President's adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?
JEAN: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
ROGUE: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
KITTY: Please tell me it's his mother.
ROGUE: Definitely not his mother.
KITTY: Oh, no...
ROGUE: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking..she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yells) Hey, that's not for you, bitch!
ROGUE covers her mouth with her hand and walks away from the window.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
EVAN is miming hockey pucks hitting foreheads. KURT realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.
KURT: Excuse me, look, ve've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick zan my friend have gone in. I mean, zat guy vith the toe thing? Who's he sleeping vith?
She slides the glass panel over. KURT talks through it in a loud voice.
KURT: Oh, c'mon Tina, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the E.R.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her..
She slides the panel back. He turns and it takes him by surprise.
KURT: (Cont'd) Ba-!
EXT. BALCONY OUTSIDE JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT
The GIRLS are still watching George Stephanopoulos' apartment.
KITTY: Light still out?
JEAN: Yeah.
KITTY: Oh. Maybe they're like, napping.
JEAN: Oh please, they're having sex.
KITTY and ROGUE: Shut up!
JEAN: So, whaddya think George is like?
KITTY: I think he's shy.
ROGUE: Yeah?
KITTY: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
SCOTT: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
KURT: Yes, ze moon, ze glow, ze magical feeElisabeth, you did zis part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
EVAN: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
SCOTT: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
KURT: Vell, vhat? Vhat? Vhat is it? Zat she left you? Zat she likes vomen? Zat she left you for another voman that likes vomen?
SCOTT: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
KURT: Zen vhat?
SCOTT: My first time with Amara was.. (Mumbles)
EVAN: What?
SCOTT: It was my first time.
EVAN: With Amara?
SCOTT gives him a look.
EVAN: Oh.
KURT: So in your whole life, you've only been vith one-
He gets a look too.
KURT: (Cont'd) -oh.
EVAN: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
EXT. BALCONY OUTSIDE JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT
KITTY: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
ROGUE: Uh-huh.
KITTY: Well, unless goose is like, a vegetable...ha haaaah!
ROGUE: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Sam.
KITTY: What?! You like, slept with Sam?
ROGUE: You'd already broken up.
JEAN: How long?
ROGUE: A couple hours.
KITTY: Oh, that's nice!
JEAN: Okay, okay, okay, I got one!
She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off the balcony.
JEAN: Anyway- The valentine Kevin Davis left in your locker was really from me.
KITTY: Excuse me?!
JEAN: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To ROGUE) She was a big girl.
KITTY: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't like, pee in their pants in seventh grade!
JEAN: I was laughing! You made me laugh!
KITTY and JEAN start to squabble.
ROGUE: There he is! There he is!
KITTY: Where?
ROGUE: Right- where we've been looking all night!
JEAN: He is so cute!
KITTY: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!
ALL: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the- (Pause) -wowww.
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM
SCOTT is absent, and EVAN and KURT are chatting.
EVAN: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
KURT: I zink it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic..
EVAN: Really?
KURT: No, you kidding? Ze guy's a freak..
SCOTT enters.
BOTH: Hey, buddy.
SCOTT: Hi.
He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto the reception desk.
RECEPTIONIST: (Sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.
KURT: Oh, I thought you vere great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
SCOTT: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
EVAN: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
SCOTT: The kid..? (To KID) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.
KID: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.
SCOTT looks at KURT for help.
KURT: You gotta do it, man.
SCOTT: (To KID) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever- (To KURT) -can't do it. (To KID) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
KID: No.
SCOTT: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!
KID: No! No!
They fight over it.
RECEPTIONIST: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!
SCOTT: (Tries to snatch it-) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (-Bit it flies out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist.
SCOTT: ...Now that was fun.
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT
EVAN and the GIRLS are playing Twister, whilst SCOTT is doing the spinning.
SCOTT: Okay, Kitty: Right foot red.
KITTY: Could've like, played Monopoly, but nooooo.
There's a knock at the door. KURT opens it and some guy silently hands back the cushion.
KURT: Danke schön.
The guy nods and leaves.
SCOTT: Okay, Rogue: Right hand blue.
ROGUE has to bend over.
SCOTT: (Cont'd) Good.
EVAN stares at her butt appreciatively. The phone rings and KURT answers it.
KURT: Hello? Oh, uh, Jean, it's ze Visa card people.
JEAN: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?
KURT: Alright. (To PHONE) Yes, zis is Jean.
JEAN: Nooo!
She takes the phone and KURT takes her place in the game of Twister.
JEAN: Hello? Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really. I've got magic beans. Never-never mind. Alright. Okay. Yeah, bye.
JEAN puts the phone down and rejoins the game of twister.
SCOTT: Green. To the green.
KURT: To ze left, to ze left- aww!
They all collapse on JEAN.
JEAN: Ohhh... I'm fine.
CAST
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis
Rogue.................................Meghan Black
Kurt Wagner/Pizza Guy.................................Brad Swaile
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra
Receptionist.................................Collen Wheeler
Boy.................................Bill Switzer
Elisabeth.................................Kelly Sheridan
Anna.................................Saffron Henderson
Julia.................................Kristen Williamson
Another chapter done! Yes! And for all those kind reviewers, here's a preview of next episode:
SCOTT: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little manoeuvre, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
KURT: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting zere vith her, she has no idea vhat's happening, and zen you finally get up ze courage to do it, and zere's ze horrible awkward moment vhen you've handed her ze note.
JEAN: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
EMMA: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
JEAN: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Kitty at laundorama.
All that and more next time on X Friends!