Title: Negligence
Author: Stepf
AN: Sniffle, it's the end folks. Here is the last chapter. Its not.epic by my standards, but just perfectly long enough. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this, and I hope you have all enjoyed reading. See you again soon I hope.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to review, its greatly appreciated. A special thanks to Maple Streeeeet and everyone there, your encouragement is fabulous.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Three Days Later
After a fitful nap in the afternoon Sam drags herself out of bed and takes a hot shower. But it seems that no matter how many hot showers she takes, she can't erase the guilt she feels. When that fails to accomplish anything yet again she quickly gets dressed in a pair of jeans and long sleeved shirt, puts on her favorite black boots and heads out the door. She doesn't care if Marie is at the hospital or not, Sam needs to see him. She has to talk to him, apologize for not having his back, for not stopping what happened. Since Jack regained consciousness the day after the incident, she has only gone during the day, accompanied by Danny or Martin, when Marie was there. This didn't afford her the privacy she needed to speak to Jack; plus, she highly doubted that Marie would have left her and Jack alone without a fight. But today she would be undeterred. The need to talk to him privately outweighed a potential argument with Marie. Things needed to be said.
On the subway ride over, her nerves start shaking her more than the halting movements of the car. She is suddenly terrified to talk to him. Somewhere deep inside, Sam is afraid he won't forgive her- even though she doesn't deserve it. She has placed the full blame full on herself for this; there is really no one else to blame. There were 2 of them there, but she isn't the one lying prone in a hospital bed from a gunshot wound. She keeps going through what would have happened if she had called someone, anyone, instead of going out there alone with him. Would it have changed anything really? Or would the same outcome occur, only with another person there? Would someone else have been shot? What if she had convinced him to leave, to not even be there at all? Sam decides to stop thinking about it. She could easily drive herself mad debating all the possible outcomes.
For a brief moment she considers getting off at the next stop and going back home, where it's safe -- no Jack, no Marie, no confrontations. But Sam has never backed down from anything in her life and she isn't going to start now. She doesn't need absolution from him; she expects nothing from him. In fact, all she wants to know is that he will be back and leading them in time. The deal she had made with herself is still valid: Jack survived, though their relationship probably wouldn't. Yes, they had broken off their affair months ago, but they both knew there was always something underneath the surface that just felt unfinished. Despite his words on that bench, despite that last hug, it wasn't over, not by a long shot. There was too much history there to ignore -- until now. With another OPR investigation so close to the last, they would be under the tightest scrutiny; every move would be interpreted, every word would be overanalyzed. It would be like living in a fishbowl. 'Maybe I should just leave,' she thinks. 'It would make everything that much easier.' She could go to Los Angeles or Detroit. Both cities were starting their own Missing Persons unit, and one of the guys in Detroit was a former boss of hers. She shakes her head as the subway gets to her stop. She would never leave and she knows it.
Room 300, ICU, Bellevue Hospital
He shifts for what seems like the hundredth time that hour. Jack can't seem to make himself comfortable at all. After a while, his position would become unpleasant and he would move for some brief relief before more pain settled in his chest and again he would move. It is becoming a very tiresome cycle, but it is apparently not uncommon for chest wounds. Finally settling in, Jack sighs and closes his eyes, enjoying the silence. For two days straight, Marie had sat by his side every waking hour, only leaving at night to tend to the kids. Honestly, he is annoyed with her; she has been flitting about him like there was nothing wrong between them, and they never had separated. Finally that morning when the sun came up, he'd asked her to go, see the kids, get out of the confines of the hospital , and by extension, out of his way.
The only person he really wants to talk to hasn't been there alone yet. He noticed that she looked tired during her last visit with Danny. There were dark circles under her eyes and her skin, which was usually radiant, was sallow, almost grey and he could have sworn she'd lost 10 pounds. With his eyes closed, he tries to remember the last picture in his head before he woke up again in the hospital trauma room. It was Sam, kneeling over him, calling his name. Her voice was so frantic, he couldn't remember ever hearing Samantha Spade sound that scared. Sam..he was so afraid something would happen to her if he didn't shoot the suspect dead. Despite the searing pain of his wound, Jack had the presence of mind to consider her life before his even as he hit the concrete.
Something about a near death experience really brings life into focus. What you need, what you want, and how much you are willing to give up to have it. You reflect on what's really important, and somehow work has ended up closer to the bottom of the list than he'd expected. But what is at the top of the list shocks him more. Jack thought he had resigned himself to a life without her. Now more sure than ever that he wants her in his life, no matter the cost.
Lost in thought, he is startled when a noise the room alerts him to someone else's presence. Without even opening his eyes, he knows who it is. Sam. The smell her of perfume mingles with the antiseptic hospital smell. Slowly he opens his eyes and finds her standing at the end of his bed, her face a mix of joy and trepidation.
"Sam." He smiles as he says it, waiting for her to move closer to the head of the bed. He is surprised when she doesn't.
"Hey Jack. How are you feeling?" Her tone is.cold, almost.
"Better. Especially now that you are here." His voice is rough; it still hurts slightly to even say the words.
"Don't.don't say that." She pauses slightly before deciding to just plow right into the reason she came. "I just wanted to come and tell you how sorry I am this even happened. I know you can't forgive me, and maybe this is some attempt to assuage my own guilt, but I'm so very sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" He takes in the distressed look on her face and wonders what is going through her head that she feels the need to apologize to him.
"I let you get shot Jack. I was RIGHT there and I turned my back to you and 2 suspects.."
Quickly he cuts her off, as he can see her getting agitated. "Sam. I don't blame you. You SAVED my life. If you hadn't been there." He lets the implication hang there; they both know what would have happened.
"Maybe if I hadn't been there, you wouldn't have either. I should have talked you out of it." By now her voice is softening.
"Sam." He waves to her slightly, indicating for her to move up the side of the bed, and she does. "Sweetheart, I don't blame you for any of this. And you know that once my mind is made up, no one can talk me out of something. Even you." By now he is gently holding her hand, stroking his thumb along the ridges of her knuckles. Slowly she sinks into the chair next to him.
"I.can't help but blame myself, Jack. I'm not in the hospital." He sees her lower lip quivering slightly and reaches up, pushing some stray hairs back behind her ears, allowing his knuckles to linger slightly on her soft skin.
"I can't take away the guilt, Sam. That's something you need to accept. But I do not blame you, no one does." He trails one finger down her cheek, coming to a stop at her jawbone.
"OPR does," she says and leans slightly into him as he cups her face.
"That's OPR Sam. They have to blame someone, even if no one is at fault, or the person they want to blame is in a hospital bed."
"Jack."
He cuts her off to avoid what he knows is coming next, dropping his hand down and wrapping his fingers around hers. "Didn't you learn how OPR works from our last encounter?"
"All too well. They didn't change their tune much." She gives him a knowing look.
"Really? Dare I ask?"
"They asked if we were having a relationship and if that had any bearing on my presence there. I denied it."
"At least it wasn't a lie." He gives her a heartrending look.
"No, it wasn't." There is a touch of unhappiness in her tone.
"Would you rather have had to lie?" It was a question in a question, he admits it, but neither of them want to voice anything aloud in a place where someone could walk in the door at any minute.
"Honestly, yes. I.miss you. So much. I didn't realize how much until I almost lost you."
"I know the feeling. You know, when I was lying there.I could hear your voice talking to me, telling me not to leave you." He pauses to wipe away an escaped tear running down her face, entwining his fingers with hers. "I thought I was going to die Sam, I really did. My first thought was of the girls. I wouldn't see them grow up, graduate, marry. Then I thought of you. Not Marie.you. I wouldn't see your smile, hear you laugh, or touch you again. I'm not sure I can give you up, Sam."
"Jack, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying.I'm saying I don't want it to be over."
"Yeah, me neither."
He gives her a small smile before giving into the exhaustion that has been pulling at him, finally knowing that everything is as it should be.
Rifinito~
Author: Stepf
AN: Sniffle, it's the end folks. Here is the last chapter. Its not.epic by my standards, but just perfectly long enough. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this, and I hope you have all enjoyed reading. See you again soon I hope.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to review, its greatly appreciated. A special thanks to Maple Streeeeet and everyone there, your encouragement is fabulous.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Three Days Later
After a fitful nap in the afternoon Sam drags herself out of bed and takes a hot shower. But it seems that no matter how many hot showers she takes, she can't erase the guilt she feels. When that fails to accomplish anything yet again she quickly gets dressed in a pair of jeans and long sleeved shirt, puts on her favorite black boots and heads out the door. She doesn't care if Marie is at the hospital or not, Sam needs to see him. She has to talk to him, apologize for not having his back, for not stopping what happened. Since Jack regained consciousness the day after the incident, she has only gone during the day, accompanied by Danny or Martin, when Marie was there. This didn't afford her the privacy she needed to speak to Jack; plus, she highly doubted that Marie would have left her and Jack alone without a fight. But today she would be undeterred. The need to talk to him privately outweighed a potential argument with Marie. Things needed to be said.
On the subway ride over, her nerves start shaking her more than the halting movements of the car. She is suddenly terrified to talk to him. Somewhere deep inside, Sam is afraid he won't forgive her- even though she doesn't deserve it. She has placed the full blame full on herself for this; there is really no one else to blame. There were 2 of them there, but she isn't the one lying prone in a hospital bed from a gunshot wound. She keeps going through what would have happened if she had called someone, anyone, instead of going out there alone with him. Would it have changed anything really? Or would the same outcome occur, only with another person there? Would someone else have been shot? What if she had convinced him to leave, to not even be there at all? Sam decides to stop thinking about it. She could easily drive herself mad debating all the possible outcomes.
For a brief moment she considers getting off at the next stop and going back home, where it's safe -- no Jack, no Marie, no confrontations. But Sam has never backed down from anything in her life and she isn't going to start now. She doesn't need absolution from him; she expects nothing from him. In fact, all she wants to know is that he will be back and leading them in time. The deal she had made with herself is still valid: Jack survived, though their relationship probably wouldn't. Yes, they had broken off their affair months ago, but they both knew there was always something underneath the surface that just felt unfinished. Despite his words on that bench, despite that last hug, it wasn't over, not by a long shot. There was too much history there to ignore -- until now. With another OPR investigation so close to the last, they would be under the tightest scrutiny; every move would be interpreted, every word would be overanalyzed. It would be like living in a fishbowl. 'Maybe I should just leave,' she thinks. 'It would make everything that much easier.' She could go to Los Angeles or Detroit. Both cities were starting their own Missing Persons unit, and one of the guys in Detroit was a former boss of hers. She shakes her head as the subway gets to her stop. She would never leave and she knows it.
Room 300, ICU, Bellevue Hospital
He shifts for what seems like the hundredth time that hour. Jack can't seem to make himself comfortable at all. After a while, his position would become unpleasant and he would move for some brief relief before more pain settled in his chest and again he would move. It is becoming a very tiresome cycle, but it is apparently not uncommon for chest wounds. Finally settling in, Jack sighs and closes his eyes, enjoying the silence. For two days straight, Marie had sat by his side every waking hour, only leaving at night to tend to the kids. Honestly, he is annoyed with her; she has been flitting about him like there was nothing wrong between them, and they never had separated. Finally that morning when the sun came up, he'd asked her to go, see the kids, get out of the confines of the hospital , and by extension, out of his way.
The only person he really wants to talk to hasn't been there alone yet. He noticed that she looked tired during her last visit with Danny. There were dark circles under her eyes and her skin, which was usually radiant, was sallow, almost grey and he could have sworn she'd lost 10 pounds. With his eyes closed, he tries to remember the last picture in his head before he woke up again in the hospital trauma room. It was Sam, kneeling over him, calling his name. Her voice was so frantic, he couldn't remember ever hearing Samantha Spade sound that scared. Sam..he was so afraid something would happen to her if he didn't shoot the suspect dead. Despite the searing pain of his wound, Jack had the presence of mind to consider her life before his even as he hit the concrete.
Something about a near death experience really brings life into focus. What you need, what you want, and how much you are willing to give up to have it. You reflect on what's really important, and somehow work has ended up closer to the bottom of the list than he'd expected. But what is at the top of the list shocks him more. Jack thought he had resigned himself to a life without her. Now more sure than ever that he wants her in his life, no matter the cost.
Lost in thought, he is startled when a noise the room alerts him to someone else's presence. Without even opening his eyes, he knows who it is. Sam. The smell her of perfume mingles with the antiseptic hospital smell. Slowly he opens his eyes and finds her standing at the end of his bed, her face a mix of joy and trepidation.
"Sam." He smiles as he says it, waiting for her to move closer to the head of the bed. He is surprised when she doesn't.
"Hey Jack. How are you feeling?" Her tone is.cold, almost.
"Better. Especially now that you are here." His voice is rough; it still hurts slightly to even say the words.
"Don't.don't say that." She pauses slightly before deciding to just plow right into the reason she came. "I just wanted to come and tell you how sorry I am this even happened. I know you can't forgive me, and maybe this is some attempt to assuage my own guilt, but I'm so very sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" He takes in the distressed look on her face and wonders what is going through her head that she feels the need to apologize to him.
"I let you get shot Jack. I was RIGHT there and I turned my back to you and 2 suspects.."
Quickly he cuts her off, as he can see her getting agitated. "Sam. I don't blame you. You SAVED my life. If you hadn't been there." He lets the implication hang there; they both know what would have happened.
"Maybe if I hadn't been there, you wouldn't have either. I should have talked you out of it." By now her voice is softening.
"Sam." He waves to her slightly, indicating for her to move up the side of the bed, and she does. "Sweetheart, I don't blame you for any of this. And you know that once my mind is made up, no one can talk me out of something. Even you." By now he is gently holding her hand, stroking his thumb along the ridges of her knuckles. Slowly she sinks into the chair next to him.
"I.can't help but blame myself, Jack. I'm not in the hospital." He sees her lower lip quivering slightly and reaches up, pushing some stray hairs back behind her ears, allowing his knuckles to linger slightly on her soft skin.
"I can't take away the guilt, Sam. That's something you need to accept. But I do not blame you, no one does." He trails one finger down her cheek, coming to a stop at her jawbone.
"OPR does," she says and leans slightly into him as he cups her face.
"That's OPR Sam. They have to blame someone, even if no one is at fault, or the person they want to blame is in a hospital bed."
"Jack."
He cuts her off to avoid what he knows is coming next, dropping his hand down and wrapping his fingers around hers. "Didn't you learn how OPR works from our last encounter?"
"All too well. They didn't change their tune much." She gives him a knowing look.
"Really? Dare I ask?"
"They asked if we were having a relationship and if that had any bearing on my presence there. I denied it."
"At least it wasn't a lie." He gives her a heartrending look.
"No, it wasn't." There is a touch of unhappiness in her tone.
"Would you rather have had to lie?" It was a question in a question, he admits it, but neither of them want to voice anything aloud in a place where someone could walk in the door at any minute.
"Honestly, yes. I.miss you. So much. I didn't realize how much until I almost lost you."
"I know the feeling. You know, when I was lying there.I could hear your voice talking to me, telling me not to leave you." He pauses to wipe away an escaped tear running down her face, entwining his fingers with hers. "I thought I was going to die Sam, I really did. My first thought was of the girls. I wouldn't see them grow up, graduate, marry. Then I thought of you. Not Marie.you. I wouldn't see your smile, hear you laugh, or touch you again. I'm not sure I can give you up, Sam."
"Jack, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying.I'm saying I don't want it to be over."
"Yeah, me neither."
He gives her a small smile before giving into the exhaustion that has been pulling at him, finally knowing that everything is as it should be.
Rifinito~