LEGAL DISCLAIMER: I own a wallet with a moth coming out of it right about... now. Do you really think I own the rights to any anime characters?
Hey, folks! Welcome back to my anime battle arena! I'm still looking for a better name, so any suggestions would be great! It is with deep regret that I add a stipulation to all requests: DBZ characters are only allowed to fight each other, and if I can avoid doing that, I'd appreciate it. Sorry S-F and Frenchie, but here's why: the people on that show are too frickin' strong! Remember, to keep up with rabid fan demand, Toriyama had to continuously add bigger challenges AFTER he intended to end the story, which mean almost everyone who fights can blow up a planet by looking at it funny. I've done all sorts of analyses between DBZ and the strongest characters of other shows: there is no comparison. EVERYBODY else has checks and balances to their techniques, but not wonder-boy Goku and his team of cheap bastards. Hiei can't use the Dragon of the Darkness Flame without injuring himself, and Lina Inverse's Giga Slave spell has an enormously long casting time, but Goku can fire off one planet-demolishing beam after another in rapid succession. I ask you: is that really fair to the people you'd have fighting against them? As a compromise for my two most loyal reviewers, I'll cross your requests into Nakago vs Kamui fight later on, if that's what you want. But no Saiya-jin; I don't want to embarrass god-like fighters with a one-sentence defeat, and let's face it, that's what it would boil down to. This is some rant, that it is.
So what's left to me right now? Yes, that's right: We'll take a dip out of the serious side of the fights and into Gundam Triple K's request: Excel Excel against a real flesh and blood person who calls himself Majin Escaflowne (what the hell? Oh and he's not an author folks, so if by some coincidence there is another out there, I don't mean you). Yes, an epic clash between a girl with enough otaku-ish knowledge to put just about everyone else to shame, not to mention the most loyal follower of Lord Ilpalazzo, and a guy who doesn't recognize any anime outside of Toonami, whose speech patterns are so lamentably and laboriously slow that he has come to be know as the "Anti-Excel". Fitting duel, no?
As an added bonus, I'm going to include a short skirmish between Chipp Zanuff and "Daiten Ladies" a.k.a. Misaki Matsuya. She did kinda steal his Delta End attack, and I'd imagine the drug-trafficking Ninja and Japanese wannabe would like some revenge, and since it fits the Excel Saga theme, what the hell, why not?
NOTE: THE "STORY" STARTS HERE. LAZY PEOPLE MAY SKIP TO THIS POINT.
Written Oath: I, Phoenixfire-k, hereby give my permission to turn the Excel Saga anime into a fighting show. But what does that matter? It's not like I'm really in any position to say that. I mean, if my name were Koshi Rikdo, that'd be different, but...
Koshi Rikdo: Oh, just shut up and start the fic already! * insert Rikdo stamp of approval *
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Excel's golden braid swayed energetically as she gave a joyous, if not slightly Hitler-esque salute to the idealistic commander of the super secret ideological organization of ACROSS (total staff: 3) whose ultimate goal is the conquest and purification of the world. WAI, Ilpalazzo-sama is the coolest! ^_^ Erm... excuse me, not quite sure what came over me just now. "Zzo." Hyatt gave her version of the salute: more of a pathetic wave of the hand. But give the blue-haired Martian Princess a break, she dies about once every six minutes, and how energetic would you be if that happened? "Ah, good morning ladies. It's good to see morale is as stable as ever, but we have very important business to discuss, so we will forego the usual report to move on to more pressing matters."
Excel's eyes widened. "You mean you don't want to hear about how Excel failed her latest mission by goofing off and being sidetracked by the purchase of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and their various shiny protectors, or how she got into a long and very much drawn out conversation about why nobody likes this Excel with a peculiar fan fiction author looking exactly like the anime character Seto Kaiba except for two bizarre red wings on his back? Your Excel is stunned, glorious Lord Ilpalazzo, to learn that anything might be so important so as to interrupt the usual going-ons of our ACROSS, which is to say the nothing that typically goes on, and the way Excel gets herself into very tense situations by saying things she winds up regretting just a minute... AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!!"
Ilpalazzo let go of the rope and listened with a small amount of satisfaction as his senior agent hit the water in the bottom of the pit he had dug to keep her in check. In true Excel-ish fashion, she was out a moment later, but at least he had interrupted her ramblings. Pushing his glasses further up his nose, he continued, "Yes, well regardless of surprises, it has come to my attention that a particularly dim-witted individual from the real world has wandered into F-City. Due to the fact that an author has specifically requested it, I want you, Excel, to find this person and dispose of him. We don't need anyone making the ignorant masses appear smart; that's why we have you." "While your Excel would appreciate it if you didn't refer to her in such a demeaning manner, she understands what you mean, sir. Author requests are notoriously hard to ignore, especially in fan fiction, where one person sits from on high at his computer and runs our live for as many words as his puny brain can transfer onto a text file that will in all likelihood never exceed the size of 600 bytes, largely due to his utter lack of creativity, resulting in appallingly few words actually being spoken, and despite the promise of longer fights, things rarely wind up in any better shape than a certain anime magazine that a certain author said he could do better than and..." Excel spontaneously combusted. From his desk, Phoenixfire grinned, revived her, and changed the scene to downtown F-City, where Majin Escaflowne was wandering around in a dazed stupor. Oh wait, that's his normal face...
Excel noticed the boy, with his perpetually wrinkled T-shirt with a dragon on it, and knew she had found her mark, mainly because she just finished reading this sentence that you, the reader, are just finishing now. "You there! In the name of the glorious Lord Ilpalazzo, whose grand and arrogant ideals bless the world with a genius so profound that I can hardly to profess to understand them, I will erase you from this city." Caught up in making a pun, Excel took out a giant pencil and began to rub the eraser against Majin Escaflowne. "What are you doing?" he asked in that irritatingly sloth-paced manner of his (I wonder how many ways to say slow I'll wind up using?). "Listen kid, if you'll kindly look up... yes that's right, really far up there, you know where that rant is? Yeah, if you look at that, you'll see it is a necessity to the ideals of ACROSS that you and I fight each other." "No it doesn't... It just says Gundam Triple K wants this to happen." Excel sweat dropped, and exclaimed, "Stop talking so slowly! Jeez, it's no wonder you're called the anti-Excel, since your speeches are incredibly short,. And yet they take up about the same amount of time as mine, even though I ramble on and on about nothing in particular, like this one time, at band camp..."
Inexplicably, Majin Escaflowne chose this time to punch Excel in the face. "Thanks a bunch dude, I had no idea where I was going with that." "You listen, you strange, rambling... girl!" "Ooh, what an insult! Oh, don't call me a girl, again, I beg of you!" Majin E's eyebrow twitched slightly. "Don't interrupt! I'm here on a mission to brainwash people and become their leader. With my otaku-ish knowledge of Pokemon, and my pointless obsession with Ryoko, I will rule all! Ha... ha... ha... ha.........ha!" "P-Pokemon?" Excel stammered. "You would unleash those horrid little critters just to "rule" people? I mean, come on, you can't even laugh at a normal pace, what makes you think people would actually take orders from you? I mean, at this very moment, the author of this fic is working on ideas for a fic intended to neutralize those stupid Pokemon, and let's not forget that your dumb, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Ah, so you admit it!" "I never said that!" "But you didn't deny it, either! Excel wins, because in the end, the one who wins is the winner, or to put it another way; the winner is the one who didn't lose, because that would make her the loser, and that's you!" Excel laughed maniacally as only she can, twirling around, blowing random things up somehow, and just overall causing mayhem. Majin Escaflowne however, like anyone else in his situation would be, was just confused.
"It's time to finish you! Have an Excel Punch!" Excel's fist met with an unusually hard chest, especially considering the scrawny status of her opponent. "What is that? Just skin stretched over bone?" "Yeah, pretty much." Excel pondered over her predicament, turning and walking away absent-mindedly just as a large rock crashed down to where Majin Escaflowne was standing. On top of said boulder was yellow plushie thing that looked remarkably like Kero from Card Captor Sakura with a Futon beater. "Puchuu!" It proclaimed happily, before a random sniper shot it in the head. It's face suddenly turned grotesque, and it cried out "Ah, why have you killed me so easily!?" and promptly flopped over dead.
"Holy Zen!" Chipp Zanuff woke up with a start. He ran his hands through his pure white hair to get the sweat out. " That was some dream... must've fallen asleep. Now where the hell is that attack-stealing bitch I'm here for?" Matsuya stood in front of Chipp, really just wondering what the hell she was doing back in that ridiculous Daiten suit, and in front of a drug-addled Ninja, no less. "Hey, writer guy! I'm clean, don't go sayin' things like that about me!" Chipp cried angrily at the author. Sorry. "That's better. But... Jesus! Why are you dressed like a power ranger?" Misaki shook her green helmeted head. "Don't ask... I don't really know myself." She said. "Fair enough, but you stole my Delta End! It was mine! I had it first!" Matsuya threw a rock, which hit Chipp in the head. "Ow! That's going to bruise, dammit!" "Sorry, but I don't have time to be talking to someone with a big knife on his arm. I need to find a way to get this damn suit off!" Chipp stroked his chin thoughtfully, then with a cry of 'Eh, what the hell', he teleported above her and pressed his palms together, as if in prayer. He split into five separate apparitions, and a line of flames extended from each of them to create an occult star, which drew Misaki helplessly into it. Appearing on the ground, Chipp tilted his arm-blade up slightly. "Delta End!" The explosion knocked his opponent unconscious. "Destroyed!" called a mysterious voice out of nowhere. "Maybe that was a little cheap..." he said aloud, "Hey! Wait a second... I'm in Japan! Yay!" Chipp grinned with satisfaction and walked off, singing his favorite song:
"Hitori de wa, tooi ashita wo, Yoake no mama de, koesou de"
(When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away.
And I must go over still into the darkness of dawn.)
"Butsukatteikya kokeru omoi yo Konya mo mata sure chigai..."
(If I try to play it straight, it will no doubt fail,
And tonight it won't go well between us again)
Today's Experiment... Failed.
In an apartment at one side of town, the Excel Saga cast that didn't get any fic time were all huddled around the computer, until... "Ding!" "Oh boy, the popcorn's done!" exclaimed the ever-cheerful Iwata. Watanabe shot up and pinned his roommate to the wall. "When the hell did we have money to spare for popcorn?" "Uh... we didn't really, but it's extra butter, and ya just can't say no to that!" Sumiyoshi looked at the screen. "...People are watching us." He 'said' (wrote into the air... don't ask). Meanwhile, Hyatt was busy setting up a microphone for Menchi, the suspiciously cat-like dog/emergency food supply for ACROSS. Vomiting blood, the blue-haired girl fell over dead... again... and the small, white, and potentially delicious Pomeranian began to bark her theme song into the mic...
End fight(s)...
And that wraps this up. In case nobody knows, Chipp is singing "Heart of Sword- Yoake Mae (Before Drawn), the fourth ending to Ruroni Kenshin. But I've rambled on enough, so I'm just going to ask everyone to review. Not everything is going to be humor, remember that, so if you want more, request it!
Hey, folks! Welcome back to my anime battle arena! I'm still looking for a better name, so any suggestions would be great! It is with deep regret that I add a stipulation to all requests: DBZ characters are only allowed to fight each other, and if I can avoid doing that, I'd appreciate it. Sorry S-F and Frenchie, but here's why: the people on that show are too frickin' strong! Remember, to keep up with rabid fan demand, Toriyama had to continuously add bigger challenges AFTER he intended to end the story, which mean almost everyone who fights can blow up a planet by looking at it funny. I've done all sorts of analyses between DBZ and the strongest characters of other shows: there is no comparison. EVERYBODY else has checks and balances to their techniques, but not wonder-boy Goku and his team of cheap bastards. Hiei can't use the Dragon of the Darkness Flame without injuring himself, and Lina Inverse's Giga Slave spell has an enormously long casting time, but Goku can fire off one planet-demolishing beam after another in rapid succession. I ask you: is that really fair to the people you'd have fighting against them? As a compromise for my two most loyal reviewers, I'll cross your requests into Nakago vs Kamui fight later on, if that's what you want. But no Saiya-jin; I don't want to embarrass god-like fighters with a one-sentence defeat, and let's face it, that's what it would boil down to. This is some rant, that it is.
So what's left to me right now? Yes, that's right: We'll take a dip out of the serious side of the fights and into Gundam Triple K's request: Excel Excel against a real flesh and blood person who calls himself Majin Escaflowne (what the hell? Oh and he's not an author folks, so if by some coincidence there is another out there, I don't mean you). Yes, an epic clash between a girl with enough otaku-ish knowledge to put just about everyone else to shame, not to mention the most loyal follower of Lord Ilpalazzo, and a guy who doesn't recognize any anime outside of Toonami, whose speech patterns are so lamentably and laboriously slow that he has come to be know as the "Anti-Excel". Fitting duel, no?
As an added bonus, I'm going to include a short skirmish between Chipp Zanuff and "Daiten Ladies" a.k.a. Misaki Matsuya. She did kinda steal his Delta End attack, and I'd imagine the drug-trafficking Ninja and Japanese wannabe would like some revenge, and since it fits the Excel Saga theme, what the hell, why not?
NOTE: THE "STORY" STARTS HERE. LAZY PEOPLE MAY SKIP TO THIS POINT.
Written Oath: I, Phoenixfire-k, hereby give my permission to turn the Excel Saga anime into a fighting show. But what does that matter? It's not like I'm really in any position to say that. I mean, if my name were Koshi Rikdo, that'd be different, but...
Koshi Rikdo: Oh, just shut up and start the fic already! * insert Rikdo stamp of approval *
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Excel's golden braid swayed energetically as she gave a joyous, if not slightly Hitler-esque salute to the idealistic commander of the super secret ideological organization of ACROSS (total staff: 3) whose ultimate goal is the conquest and purification of the world. WAI, Ilpalazzo-sama is the coolest! ^_^ Erm... excuse me, not quite sure what came over me just now. "Zzo." Hyatt gave her version of the salute: more of a pathetic wave of the hand. But give the blue-haired Martian Princess a break, she dies about once every six minutes, and how energetic would you be if that happened? "Ah, good morning ladies. It's good to see morale is as stable as ever, but we have very important business to discuss, so we will forego the usual report to move on to more pressing matters."
Excel's eyes widened. "You mean you don't want to hear about how Excel failed her latest mission by goofing off and being sidetracked by the purchase of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and their various shiny protectors, or how she got into a long and very much drawn out conversation about why nobody likes this Excel with a peculiar fan fiction author looking exactly like the anime character Seto Kaiba except for two bizarre red wings on his back? Your Excel is stunned, glorious Lord Ilpalazzo, to learn that anything might be so important so as to interrupt the usual going-ons of our ACROSS, which is to say the nothing that typically goes on, and the way Excel gets herself into very tense situations by saying things she winds up regretting just a minute... AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!!"
Ilpalazzo let go of the rope and listened with a small amount of satisfaction as his senior agent hit the water in the bottom of the pit he had dug to keep her in check. In true Excel-ish fashion, she was out a moment later, but at least he had interrupted her ramblings. Pushing his glasses further up his nose, he continued, "Yes, well regardless of surprises, it has come to my attention that a particularly dim-witted individual from the real world has wandered into F-City. Due to the fact that an author has specifically requested it, I want you, Excel, to find this person and dispose of him. We don't need anyone making the ignorant masses appear smart; that's why we have you." "While your Excel would appreciate it if you didn't refer to her in such a demeaning manner, she understands what you mean, sir. Author requests are notoriously hard to ignore, especially in fan fiction, where one person sits from on high at his computer and runs our live for as many words as his puny brain can transfer onto a text file that will in all likelihood never exceed the size of 600 bytes, largely due to his utter lack of creativity, resulting in appallingly few words actually being spoken, and despite the promise of longer fights, things rarely wind up in any better shape than a certain anime magazine that a certain author said he could do better than and..." Excel spontaneously combusted. From his desk, Phoenixfire grinned, revived her, and changed the scene to downtown F-City, where Majin Escaflowne was wandering around in a dazed stupor. Oh wait, that's his normal face...
Excel noticed the boy, with his perpetually wrinkled T-shirt with a dragon on it, and knew she had found her mark, mainly because she just finished reading this sentence that you, the reader, are just finishing now. "You there! In the name of the glorious Lord Ilpalazzo, whose grand and arrogant ideals bless the world with a genius so profound that I can hardly to profess to understand them, I will erase you from this city." Caught up in making a pun, Excel took out a giant pencil and began to rub the eraser against Majin Escaflowne. "What are you doing?" he asked in that irritatingly sloth-paced manner of his (I wonder how many ways to say slow I'll wind up using?). "Listen kid, if you'll kindly look up... yes that's right, really far up there, you know where that rant is? Yeah, if you look at that, you'll see it is a necessity to the ideals of ACROSS that you and I fight each other." "No it doesn't... It just says Gundam Triple K wants this to happen." Excel sweat dropped, and exclaimed, "Stop talking so slowly! Jeez, it's no wonder you're called the anti-Excel, since your speeches are incredibly short,. And yet they take up about the same amount of time as mine, even though I ramble on and on about nothing in particular, like this one time, at band camp..."
Inexplicably, Majin Escaflowne chose this time to punch Excel in the face. "Thanks a bunch dude, I had no idea where I was going with that." "You listen, you strange, rambling... girl!" "Ooh, what an insult! Oh, don't call me a girl, again, I beg of you!" Majin E's eyebrow twitched slightly. "Don't interrupt! I'm here on a mission to brainwash people and become their leader. With my otaku-ish knowledge of Pokemon, and my pointless obsession with Ryoko, I will rule all! Ha... ha... ha... ha.........ha!" "P-Pokemon?" Excel stammered. "You would unleash those horrid little critters just to "rule" people? I mean, come on, you can't even laugh at a normal pace, what makes you think people would actually take orders from you? I mean, at this very moment, the author of this fic is working on ideas for a fic intended to neutralize those stupid Pokemon, and let's not forget that your dumb, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Ah, so you admit it!" "I never said that!" "But you didn't deny it, either! Excel wins, because in the end, the one who wins is the winner, or to put it another way; the winner is the one who didn't lose, because that would make her the loser, and that's you!" Excel laughed maniacally as only she can, twirling around, blowing random things up somehow, and just overall causing mayhem. Majin Escaflowne however, like anyone else in his situation would be, was just confused.
"It's time to finish you! Have an Excel Punch!" Excel's fist met with an unusually hard chest, especially considering the scrawny status of her opponent. "What is that? Just skin stretched over bone?" "Yeah, pretty much." Excel pondered over her predicament, turning and walking away absent-mindedly just as a large rock crashed down to where Majin Escaflowne was standing. On top of said boulder was yellow plushie thing that looked remarkably like Kero from Card Captor Sakura with a Futon beater. "Puchuu!" It proclaimed happily, before a random sniper shot it in the head. It's face suddenly turned grotesque, and it cried out "Ah, why have you killed me so easily!?" and promptly flopped over dead.
"Holy Zen!" Chipp Zanuff woke up with a start. He ran his hands through his pure white hair to get the sweat out. " That was some dream... must've fallen asleep. Now where the hell is that attack-stealing bitch I'm here for?" Matsuya stood in front of Chipp, really just wondering what the hell she was doing back in that ridiculous Daiten suit, and in front of a drug-addled Ninja, no less. "Hey, writer guy! I'm clean, don't go sayin' things like that about me!" Chipp cried angrily at the author. Sorry. "That's better. But... Jesus! Why are you dressed like a power ranger?" Misaki shook her green helmeted head. "Don't ask... I don't really know myself." She said. "Fair enough, but you stole my Delta End! It was mine! I had it first!" Matsuya threw a rock, which hit Chipp in the head. "Ow! That's going to bruise, dammit!" "Sorry, but I don't have time to be talking to someone with a big knife on his arm. I need to find a way to get this damn suit off!" Chipp stroked his chin thoughtfully, then with a cry of 'Eh, what the hell', he teleported above her and pressed his palms together, as if in prayer. He split into five separate apparitions, and a line of flames extended from each of them to create an occult star, which drew Misaki helplessly into it. Appearing on the ground, Chipp tilted his arm-blade up slightly. "Delta End!" The explosion knocked his opponent unconscious. "Destroyed!" called a mysterious voice out of nowhere. "Maybe that was a little cheap..." he said aloud, "Hey! Wait a second... I'm in Japan! Yay!" Chipp grinned with satisfaction and walked off, singing his favorite song:
"Hitori de wa, tooi ashita wo, Yoake no mama de, koesou de"
(When I'm alone, tomorrow feels far away.
And I must go over still into the darkness of dawn.)
"Butsukatteikya kokeru omoi yo Konya mo mata sure chigai..."
(If I try to play it straight, it will no doubt fail,
And tonight it won't go well between us again)
Today's Experiment... Failed.
In an apartment at one side of town, the Excel Saga cast that didn't get any fic time were all huddled around the computer, until... "Ding!" "Oh boy, the popcorn's done!" exclaimed the ever-cheerful Iwata. Watanabe shot up and pinned his roommate to the wall. "When the hell did we have money to spare for popcorn?" "Uh... we didn't really, but it's extra butter, and ya just can't say no to that!" Sumiyoshi looked at the screen. "...People are watching us." He 'said' (wrote into the air... don't ask). Meanwhile, Hyatt was busy setting up a microphone for Menchi, the suspiciously cat-like dog/emergency food supply for ACROSS. Vomiting blood, the blue-haired girl fell over dead... again... and the small, white, and potentially delicious Pomeranian began to bark her theme song into the mic...
End fight(s)...
And that wraps this up. In case nobody knows, Chipp is singing "Heart of Sword- Yoake Mae (Before Drawn), the fourth ending to Ruroni Kenshin. But I've rambled on enough, so I'm just going to ask everyone to review. Not everything is going to be humor, remember that, so if you want more, request it!