Chapter Four
Sam and Charlie stood at the sound of the First Lady's voice. Some of the guests had the decency to look away but most still stared at Sam who in turn was staring at Mrs Bartlet.
"Toby, you've been working him too hard," she admonished. Toby nodded, he was willing to play along with whatever she had in mind. "You look exhausted Sam, why don't you come and lie down for a while."
Well done, Toby thought, he's exhausted not drunk. That's why he's stumbling and trying to focus on where the voice is coming from, exhaustion. And she's a doctor so she ought to know.
Sam continued to stare at Mrs Bartlet's outstretched hand. Toby found himself silently willing Sam to take it and let himself be led from the room. Nobody moved. She whispered something that only Sam could hear. Whatever it was, it made him reach out, grasp her hand and take one shaky step towards her. She began to guide him out while Charlie surreptitiously took hold of his other arm, managing to counter his stumbling steps.
Charlie took all of Sam's weight and helped him to a seat. Toby, who had exited the room from a different door, appeared closely followed by Josh. Sam sat forward in the chair his hands covering his face. Abbey crouched down in front of him and removed his hands.
"When you come back to work, and I hope that won't be for a couple of days, I want you to come and see me, Sam."
He nodded but couldn't meet her gaze. "I'm sorry…caused a scene," he mumbled.
She stroked his head. "It's alright Sam. I don't think anyone noticed."
Toby smiled at her words, designed to make a drunken Sam feel better. His smile faded on seeing her turn to him and Josh. "Is this a one off?"
"Yes," they answered in unison.
"Do I need to worry?"
"No," they both answered again. Josh wasn't lying. He believed Sam would never let alcohol become a problem. Toby wasn't lying either. He didn't believe Mrs Bartlet should worry about this; he could do enough worrying for all of them.
Toby helped Sam to his feet and started walking them towards his office. "You can wait until everyone's gone, then I'll take you home."
Josh silently moved beside Sam and took hold of his arm. When they were near the Bullpen Sam shrugged them both off.
"I can manage. I'm alright." He went into Toby's office and pulled open the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. "Ah ha," he cried as he triumphantly pulled out a bottle of bourbon.
Toby couldn't help but smile at the sight of his deputy's delighted face. "I don't think you need any more of that, Sam." He started to move towards him to take the bottle away but was beaten to it by Josh.
"What's the matter with you?" He pulled the bottle away from Sam with one hand and pulled him to his feet with the other. "What are you trying to do? Do you really think that you can drink this away?"
Sam stared at Josh. His surprise at being suddenly dragged up had been replaced with confusion at Josh's questions.
"This isn't the time, Josh," Toby warned but Josh ignored him.
"I can't believe that you're doing this. Do you think this is going to help? Are you planning on drinking until you can't remember? Because it won't work, you'll never forget and the worst thing is no matter how drunk you get she'll still be dead when you sober up!" Josh shouted.
Sam's fist connected with Josh's face with such force that not only was Josh pushed back but his body was swung around ninety degrees before he landed in a heap on the floor. Sam staggered sideways, falling against Toby who managed to push him upright and backwards onto the sofa. After a while Josh started to rise. He rubbed his jaw slowly while tentatively opening and closing his mouth. Josh couldn't see Sam as Toby had positioned himself between them.
"That was a stupid thing to say, I don't know why I said that." Toby nodded towards the door and Josh waited a few seconds before he walked out of the room. He closed the door behind him and stood leaning against it. He heard the rustle of CJ's gown before she came into view.
"What happened? Where is he?" CJ stopped talking and finally looked at Josh. "What happened to you?"
"It was my fault." Josh rubbed at his jaw.
"Toby hit you?" It was the only likely scenario she could think of.
"No," Josh pushed himself away from the wall and started to walk to his office, "Sam did."
CJ's eyes widened. She knocked on the door and Toby nodded. Sam now appeared to be directing his anger at Toby.
"I don't want to lie down." He pushed Toby away.
"You're not going anywhere until the last guest has left this building." Toby shot an exasperated look at CJ. She sat down next to Sam and held both of his hands.
"I hit Josh." He said in disbelief. "He said," CJ was amazed at the sudden anger that flared up in Sam, "he said she'd still be dead." She felt his hands tense beneath hers.
"What do you mean-" CJ began but Toby's shaking head stopped her. "Don't worry about it Sam. I'm sure he deserved it."
Toby looked up to see Leo beckoning him. He stepped out of the office and had to walk quickly to catch up with Leo who was already heading towards Josh's office.
"How did this happen?" Leo bellowed as he swung the door of Josh's office open. Josh had been sitting with his feet up on his desk holding an ice pack to his jaw which Leo's sudden entrance caused him to drop.
"Well I guess he must have been drinking at home and then he didn't eat much at the dinner and he must have kept on drinking throughout the meal," Josh took in Leo's exasperated expression, "Oh, you mean how did the thing happen, not how did Sam get drunk."
"Well yes, Josh, I think I'm pretty familiar with what happens when you drink too much alcohol."
"Yeah," Josh thought this was a perfect time to scramble under his desk to retrieve the ice pack.
"How did you allow Sam to get in such a state that I had to make sure the President was out of the room in case removing Sam from it caused a scene?" Leo watched Josh replace the pack on his jaw, "And what's the matter with you? Did Toby hit you?"
"No! Wait, why does everyone think Toby's the only person who would want to hit me?" Josh tried to work through what he had just said, "Hang on, that's not right."
Leo rested his hands on Josh's desk and leaned close to him. "Trust me, Josh, I have no problem believing that there are many people who would get immense pleasure from hitting you, but that's not really what I want to discuss right now."
"Sam hit me. I said something stupid," Josh ignored Toby's snort. "I was just as surprised as you, Leo. If Sam was drunk when he arrived it didn't show. I didn't notice him drinking tonight. I just didn't notice."
"Well the First Lady did a good job of diffusing the situation. Everyone in that room tonight knew Sam was drunk but I'd be surprised if anyone will come out and openly say it. There'll be rumours and probably a few questions but we can merge the truth with a lie. Sam was exhausted and that's why the alcohol had such an effect on him."
Leo and Josh nodded. It was all they could do. It wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't good, but it wasn't the end of the world.
"You did well…getting the President out like you did," Toby acknowledged.
"Yeah that was pretty impressive. It was like Operation Drunken Deputy, everyone rushing around, whispering, taking positions." Josh looked up at Leo. "I'm just going to sit here and hold this ice pack to my face and think about all the people who want to hit me."
Leo agreed that was a good idea and left the room.
"You need to watch Sam, Toby," Leo warned.
"Yeah," Toby sighed, "and you need to watch him," he nodded towards Josh's office.
"Yeah, what's going on with them?"
"They're not getting on too well," Toby answered.
"And I need to know this because?"
"Well normally, I couldn't care less about the state of Josh and Sam's, whatever, but Josh has decided to help Sam while refusing to accept that maybe Sam isn't comfortable with that."
"Why isn't Sam comfortable with that?"
"Because Josh has been a little distant and then when he is around he's been a little impatient with Sam."
"Why?" Leo was clearly reaching the end of his tether.
"I think Josh saw his own guilt…that he…carries…" Toby cleared his throat clearly uncomfortable talking to Leo about Josh and Sam's in this way, "I think he saw how guilty Sam feels and it reminds him of his own guilt. I also think he's frustrated that it's stopping him from helping Sam."
"Okay," Leo nodded. "Which one am I watching again?"
Toby nodded towards Josh's door. He waited until Leo had left and knocked on it. "Come on, I'm not dealing with Sam on my own."
Josh didn't reply he just threw the ice pack on his desk and followed. He was explaining to Toby how he had lost his balance more than been pushed over by Sam when the sight of CJ running out of the office stopped them both in their tracks. They watched her dash behind Ginger's desk, empty the waste bin on the floor and then hurry back to Toby's office.
"If you're here for the pukeathon it's already started," she said as she darted by them.
Josh stayed outside the office. If he was going to apologise to Sam this definitely wasn't the best time to do it. He peered through the window and watched as CJ rubbed his back and Toby poured some water from a bottle into a glass for him. Josh had never seen Sam so sick from alcohol. He heard him cursing before he started to retch again, this time Toby took over from CJ while she came out of the office to empty one of the bins.
"Oh for God's sake, Josh, just go in," she said as she hurried by him.
She was right of course. She usually was. Josh took a deep breath and walked into Toby's office. Sam didn't try to punch him again, he didn't snarl at him to get out, he didn't even comment when Josh went and sat beside him. He didn't seem to mind when Josh's hand replaced Toby's on his back and he even seemed quite grateful when Josh soaked a handkerchief with water and wiped it over his face.
All of this time Sam had been leaning forward, his arms crossed in front of his stomach. When he leaned back, sighed and closed his eyes Toby realised he was finally finished.
"Well that really was quite spectacular, Sam." Josh leaned back so he was level with Sam and handed him a glass of water.
When he had finished Toby crouched on the floor in front of him and lifted his chin so that Sam was looking at him. "If you ever do something like this again I will personally knock seven shades of sense into you. Do you understand?"
Taken aback by the intensity of Toby's words, Sam nodded slowly.
"Good." Toby surprised CJ and Josh by pulling Sam forward for a brief hug. "Let's get you home." He started to pull Sam up and Josh joined him. CJ watched as the two men helped the other along the corridor. She could hear Josh speculating if there were world records for puking. She couldn't make out Toby's reply but from the tone she could imagine what he had said.
Sam spent the weekend in bed. When Josh, CJ and Toby phoned he put them off visiting by telling them he was tired. Josh left him alone on Saturday but by Sunday afternoon he decided Sam had spent enough time sleeping. Although Sam had spent all of Saturday in bed he hadn't slept at all. Saturday had merged into Sunday. Sam had managed to doze off early on Sunday morning and was woken by the sound of the buzzer. He looked at the clock and blinked until he could read the illuminated digits. When he opened the door Josh tried to hide his surprise at the befuddled, scruffy Sam that greeted him.
"What's wrong?" Sam croaked.
"Nothing, I just thought you might like a visitor." Josh pushed past Sam.
"Josh, why would I want a visitor at two in the morning?"
"Sam it's not two am," Josh went over to the windows and opened the curtains, "it's two in the afternoon."
"Oh." Sam tried but couldn't hide his confusion, "Did you say it was Sunday?"
"No, I was getting you used to the idea that it was actually daytime before I told you which one." Josh watched Sam rub his hand over his face. "You know for someone who has spent the last two days sleeping you look pretty exhausted."
Sam sat on the sofa and mumbled something.
"I'm sorry?" Josh asked.
"I said I haven't slept."
"You haven't been sleeping all day or you haven't slept at all?" He asked as he sat down opposite Sam. He was headed to the kitchen to make some coffee but Sam's confession had made him think that wasn't such a good idea.
"I haven't slept at all. I've dozed, I've had a snooze. I think it's possible I may have napped for a while, but slept," Sam shook his head, "not a wink."
"Not a wink," Josh repeated. "You know that's good, you should put it in a speech." Josh was rewarded with a sideways glance from Sam.
"I'm not coming in on Monday. I've got to go and see someone. My doctor fixed it up." Sam straightened the cushions on the sofa, "What was it like when you met with that guy, Stanley?"
"It was weird. You don't want to talk but somehow the questions they ask, the things they say, make you. It will be good. It'll be hard too but, you know, talking about it helps."
"But when I'm done talking she'll still be dead right?" Sam got up and walked into the kitchen. Josh didn't follow. He deserved that. He deserved to have that thrown back at him. He waited until it was clear Sam wasn't coming out again and then followed him in.
He was sitting at the table, two cups of coffee in front of him. Josh sat down opposite him and took one of the cups.
"So, meeting with the First lady when you come back to work, that's something to look forward to."
"I'd take a meeting with Abbey over a lecture by Leo any day." Sam looked up and waited until Josh was looking at him. "Do I have to worry about a Leo lecture?"
"No, you should be grateful to him. He made sure the President was out of the-"
Sam held up his hand, "I don't want to hear this. I don't want to know." Both men sat in silence for a while. "So Leo took the President out of the room?"
"Yeah, it wasn't done to make sure he didn't see you. It was so we could say that he didn't see you."
Sam adopted the voice of a news reporter, "Fortunately the President was out of the room when Sam Seaborn made a complete ass of himself."
"Don't worry about it, you didn't do anything too embarrassing, and I think Senator Powell was beginning to enjoy the tango by the time Abbey dragged you away."
"While a lot of the evening is a blank, I remember most of it, and I'm pretty sure I didn't tango with a senator." Other images from the evening came back to him. "How's your jaw?"
"Wouldn't it be easier if me saying stupid things and you nearly breaking my jaw is one of those things we agree never to mention again?"
"Sure."
"I'm sorry for what I said though. The way I acted, it was selfish."
"Let's just forget it. It's all in the past. You're here now it doesn't matter how you got here."
Josh sighed deeply. He realised Sam was no longer talking about the past few days but about the past few months. He took the cup from Sam's hands and told him to go back to bed. He spent an hour tidying the apartment and clearing away the mess that had been made over the past few days. Every so often he checked on Sam. He wasn't sleeping but at least he was resting. Josh had brought some work with him and set out the various files and notes on the table. Before starting he checked on Sam once more. It took a while for him to locate him in the darkened room. He wasn't in bed but sitting by the window, back against the wall and knees pulled up against him. He had been crying and even in the darkness Josh could see the paleness of his friend's face. He held out his hand and waited. Sam hadn't even realised he had entered the room. After a while Josh felt Sam's hand in his, he pulled him to his feet, fluffed up the pillows, pulled back the comforter and lay it back over Sam. "Please swear you won't tell Toby I just fluffed your pillows," Josh said.
"Plumped," Sam mumbled.
"What?" Josh asked quietly. Sam seemed to be falling asleep.
"Plumped…more manly," he closed his eyes.
Josh smiled as Sam finally drifted off to sleep. Like CJ before him, he hoped it would be a peaceful one, because he definitely wasn't finding any peace when he was awake.