Disclaimer: Once again, not mine.
A/N: Heh heh I'm back!! AND I got a bunch of reviews!! 5 in just 12 days!! People, study these reviewers. Learn from them and their review-y ways.
evilficus: yes, I know, I'm great, what can I say. Your fic, The Slash (rated M for mature) is pretty good, too ((shameless plug, but I owe you))
Sharie: (in monotone) your wish is my command.
JestaAriadne: yeah, well, Eiffel 69's 'I'm Blue' is, was, and will forever be one of my Favorite Songs Ever!!!
Eponine54: Of course I'll keep it up! R&J rulz
A/N: PS, This chapter is dedicated to Gunthor!! ^_^;
Act 1: Scene 1
(the chorus enters, heavily bruised. One member has a tomato in his ear)
Chorus-
Well, the world didn't seem to appreciate our tribute to Eiffel 69.
Random People-
Boo! Hiss!!
Chorus-
Um, so, we'll, uh, just tell you what's going on: Two servants are walking down the street. They have Capulet outfits on andswords and… ooh, shiny swords!! ^_^
(a brick hits them in the head)
RP-
Focus!
Chorus-
Oh, yeah! Um… So… they have swords and, um tights, and, uh, um, CODPIECES!!
RP-
Eww!! Too much information!! Just start the bleeding scene!
Chorus-
Fine! The scene opens!
Sampson-
Ya know, those Montagues are waaay too full 'a themselves!
Gregory-
So whadda ya gonna do about it?
Sampson-
Duh, what do I always do when those dorks think they're so hot?
Gregory-
Um… run away?
Sampson-
No, I open a can o whoopass upon their sorry asses!
Gregory-
Oh, you do not.
Sampson-
Yes, I DO! And then I… ya know… with their women.
Gregory-
Yeah right, you know you're a virgin.
Sampson-
No I'm not!
Gregory-
You're afraid of women!
Sampson-
No, I'm NOT!
Gregory- (over Sampson's shoulder)
Good afternoon, Miss.
Sampson-
EEK!
Gregory-
Gotcha!
Sampson-
Hey!
Gregory-
Oh, here they come now.
Sampson- (terrified)
Who, girls?
Gregory-
No, Some Monties
Sampson-
Grr…
(Here come two Montagues, Abram and Balthazar)
Sampson-
Okay, I've got my sword. Why don't ya pick a fight, I'm right behind ya!
Gregory-
Yeah, waaaay behind me.
Sampson-
Don't worry.
Gregory-
Oh, I'm worried.
Sampson-
Fine, we'll make them start it.
Gregory-
Fine. (to the Monties) Good afternoon, miss.
Abram-
Hey, I'm a GUY.
Gregory-
Oh, so you are. I see you work for the Montagues.
Balthazar-
How'd you know?
Gregory-
Umm… you've got their insignia on your codpiece.
Abram- (blush)
Why are you looking… at… our codpieces?
Sampson-
They're kinda hard ta miss, ya know. What kinda flamers put glitter on their codpiece?
Balthazar-
Are you saying we're gay?
Sampson- (to Gregory)
What happens if I say yes?
Gregory- (to Sampson)
They cut off your balls and feed them to their dogs.
Sampson- (to Balthazar)
No, I'm just saying, they're, um, eye catching?
Abram-
Jeez, stop staring!!
Gregory-
What do you mean by that?
Abram-
Nothing.
Gregory-
Are you tryin' ta start somethin'?
Abram-
No.
Sampson-
'Cause if ya are, I'm ready for ya! My master is as good as yours.
Abram-
What, no better?
Sampson-
Well…
(Benvolio shows up)
Gregory-
Say "better", here comes another one.
Sampson-
Yeah. Much better
Abram-
You lie. t
Sampson-
Have at you!
(they fight)
Benvolio-
Stop it you morons!! The Ruler-Formerly-Known-As-Prince has…
(enter Tybalt)
Tybalt-
Yo, Benvolio, you chicken! Are you attacking these poor servants? I'll fight you.
Benvolio-
No, you won't. I'm trying to break this up. Now, put your sword away, or help me!
Tybalt-
You've got your big pointy-stabby thing…
RP-
Sword?
Tybalt-
I can handle this thanks.
(stabs hapless random person)
Now, as I was saying, You're drawn, and you talk of peace. I hate peace. I hate it like HF1L, and
Monties, and you.
Benvolio- (under his breath)
That's not what you said last night…
Tybalt-
What?!
Benvolio-
Nothing…
Tybalt-
DIE!!
(a battle ensues. It is a battle for honor, love, and, well, mostly cause they like blood)
(Prince Escalus finally graces the scene, bringing the cops with him)
Cop1-
Break out the pepper spray boys!
Cop2+3-
Take this, Capulet/Montague scum!
(uh-oh, old peoples!! It's Mr. +Mrs. Capulet!)
Capulet-
What's going on? Lady, give me muh sword! I wanna fight too!
Lady-
You idiot! You can't even stand without me. And if you think I'm getting killed in there because you want some action, you've got another thing coming!
Capulet-
B-but, Montague gets to fight!
(Montague and his wife show up)
Montague-
Lookee! It's Capulet! I wanna fight him!
Lady-
No! You will do no such thing!
Prince-
Hear ye, hear ye. We, our royal highness the Ruler-Formerly-Known-As-Prince Escalus, do hereby decree that you stink! If I see, one more sword, you will either die, or be kicked out of town. I define sword as anything you cannot have as a carry-on on Verona Airlines. Now, leave. That's right, all of you.
(all depart)
Wait! You, old man Capulet. You will accompany us. Montague expect us later.
Montague-
Ok, who started this? It was those Capulets wasn't it. Grrr…
Lady-
Benvolio what happened?
Benvolio-
It was those servants. Two Capulets and two of ours were fighting. So I tried to break them up, and that moron Tybalt ran up and attacked me. He was completely unprovoked, I swear.
Lady-
We believe you. Oh, by the way, have you seen Romeo? I didn't see him in the 'epic battle'.
Benvolio-
Ummm…I think I saw him moping around in the woods, three hours ago. Seemed really broken up. He was carrying this huge bottle of vodka I remember…
Lady-
Oh, that's nice…
Montague-
What do you MEAN, that's nice? Romeo's in the woods getting hammered!
Lady-
So?
Montague-
This has to stop. Ben, talk with him. If you can't stop his delinquent behavior, I'm taking out my belt and beating his candy ass!
Benvolio-
No, I'll take care of it! Please leave your belt on your pants!
Lady-
Let's go, dear.
Benvolio-
Yes, please, go.
(they exit and Romeo shows up)
Benvolio-
'Morning, cuz'
Romeo-
Is it only morning?
Benvolio-
It's 9 a.m.
Romeo-
I'm actually so wasted I can't see the sun.
Ben(volio, I'm just sick of writing it out)-
Sober up, you slush (throws a random bucket of ice water [don't ask me where he got it] on Romeo's head)
Romeo-
WHOO that's cold! Sorry, I'm just depressed.
Ben-
Why?
Romeo-
It's a long story.
Ben-
Lemme guess… Your in love?
Romeo-
Out
Ben-
Out of what?
Romeo-
Love!
Ben-
How can you be out of love?
Romeo-
(bursts into tears)
Ben-
Ookay
Romeo-
She was so beautiful. She was the sun and the moon and… (blah blah blah, romantical crap no one wants to hear…)… and she didn't love me.
Ben-(fell asleep in the middle of the story)
Snore… Huh, oh, are you finished?
Romeo-
Yeah
Ben-
So, are you going to tell me who she is?
Romeo-
She was light and…
Ben-
Her name?
Romeo-
Oh!! The fair Rosaline.
Ben-
That cow? She a Capulet!!
Romeo-
But she's so purdy! She's the purdiest girl in the world!
Ben-
No she's not.
Romeo-
Name one girl whose prettier.
Ben-
Let's see, there's Josephine, and Mariah, and…
Romeo-
I said ONE!
Ben-
Besides, isn't Rosaline a nun?
Romeo-
Yes. T_T She has forsaken love…
Ben-
Meaning you'll never get lucky.
Romeo-
Jerk.