Leo stood in front of his desk, his arms folded. There was something going on, he could tell in the way Toby and CJ were both avoiding looking at him and in the furtive glances they kept casting at one another. He tapped his foot on the floor and the sound was more menacing than the glare he was aiming at Toby. When Sam and Josh finally arrived, Leo noticed Toby and CJ visibly relax.
"Are you hung over?" Leo asked after watching Sam rub at his forehead while sitting down gingerly as if the slightest movement would dislodge his fragile head from his shoulders.
"I'm sorry?" Sam looked up at Leo but quickly looked away again squinting at the light from the window behind him.
"Are you hung over?" he repeated, his tone daring Sam to make him repeat it a second time.
There was silence in the room before Sam sighed and answered, "I'm not hung over. It is, however, entirely possible that I am still drunk."
Toby glanced at Josh who studied his hands in his lap. CJ looked at Josh also. Leo though didn't take his eyes off Sam. "I need a few moments with Sam," he said.
"I don't think that's a g-"
"Staff is finished." Leo's gaze was still fixed on Sam. Toby was followed out of the room by CJ and then a reluctant Josh.
"He wasn't that drunk last night what happened?" Toby whispered.
"He sneaked out. I was asleep. That's why we're late. If you think he looks bad now you should have seen him at five this morning."
Toby threw his arms up in the air and sighed. He looked at CJ who was standing against Leo's door. "CJ, I think we're above eavesdropping." CJ waved her hand to silence him. "What can you hear?" He asked his curiosity getting the better of him.
"Leo is in full lecture mode. He's saying something about…he's warning Sam that the day that will come when he can't even remember why he started drinking in the first place. Sam is laughing."
"That's probably not the reaction he was hoping for," Josh muttered.
"Shush!" CJ placed her head back against the door a puzzled expression on her face. "Leo has just called Sam sir- oh," she said as she realised who must have just entered Leo's office. She quickly moved away from the door and joined Toby by Margaret's desk. Trying to find out if they needed to rescue Sam from Leo was one thing but eavesdropping on the President was another entirely. When the office door was finally flung open it caused CJ to jump and Josh to drop the paper-clip dispenser he had been fiddling with.
"Josh can you get Donna,£ Leo asked, "and a paper bag."
"Oh God," Toby moaned. "What happened?"
Leo pulled the door to and lowered his voice. "It wasn't me, Toby. I think I was beginning to get through to Sam but then the President came in and seemed to think it was a brilliant time to get Sam to open up.
"Oh God," Toby repeated.
"He started quoting statistics about road traffic accidents and how the really guilty ones were the drunk drivers who got into their vehicles with no thoughts of the consequences of their actions. Sam looked okay I thought but then he jumped up and started to mutter something about needing air. He barged into the edge of the sofa but luckily the President broke his fall."
"Oh God." This time Toby's voice was muffled by the hands that covered his face. He felt a tug at his elbow and followed Josh and Donna into Leo's office. Sam was sitting with his hands clutching the sofa on either side of him. The President sat beside him, one hand holding a glass of water and the other clasping Sam's shoulder. It was hard to tell who was more relieved to see Donna arrive but Toby couldn't remember seeing the President move out of a chair so quickly before. Donna sat beside Sam and started to place the bag over his face. Sam surprised them all by leaping upwards. He couldn't see that she was there to help, he could just see that there were suddenly four people standing around him and they were crowding in on him, stealing his air.
"Sam, calm down," Josh said. "Donna's gonna help you."
"There's too many…too many people," Sam held onto Leo's desk, his breath coming in frantic gasps, "I can't…too many…tell them, Josh…I can't breathe."
The President had already left the office and closed the adjoining door behind him. CJ, Toby and Leo followed. They stood in a line outside. Margaret looked up from her typing and then carried on. Finally she looked up again, "Should I stand with you?"
"No," Leo answered.
"Okay." Margaret looked back down at her keyboard.
Josh guided Sam back to the sofa and Donna immediately placed the bag over his face. This time he allowed her to and covered her hand with his own. Ten deep breaths with the bag then fifteen seconds without it; Josh remembered the routine from last time and kept his own panic at bay by slowly counting out the breaths and seconds for Sam.
"It's taking longer this time," he said to Donna, "Why is it taking longer?"
"Shut up, Josh," Sam managed to gasp. Josh didn't say another word until Sam was leaning back, eyes closed and breathing normally again.
"Can I speak now?" Sam nodded, "I'm taking you home."
Leo sat behind his desk a piece of paper was in his hand but his gaze was focused on the sofa where Sam had sat. The first he knew of the President's presence was when he sat directly where Leo was staring.
"Why didn't you tell me to shut up, you normally do," Bartlet said.
"It happened so quickly. I wasn't expecting it either," Leo and Jed sat in silence for a while until the President leaned forward.
"You know, I knew this guy who took off in his father's car, picked up his best friend and went out drinking and drag-racing. On the way home he overtook on a blind corner and smashed head-on into a pickup truck. He escaped pretty unscathed but his friend died instantly," the President sighed as he remembered the events that followed. "He took to drinking. Seeing his father come and drag him from a bar or alleyway late at night became a pretty regular occurrence."
"So he got some help, this guy, got himself straightened out eventually?" Leo surmised the President's story was designed to offer some hope and comfort over Sam's situation.
"No, he took his father's car out, downed a bottle of scotch then drove himself into a tree on the exact spot where the crash happened," the President clasped his hands together and shook his head.
"What, did he come back as an angel and guide other reckless youths from making the same mistakes he made, because I fail to see the positive aspect to this tale."
"Well there isn't one. It's just been on my mind a lot recently," Jed explained.
"You might want to come up with a more uplifting story if you're planning on trying to comfort Sam again."
"I have plenty of uplifting stories I can tell Sam and don't say 'comfort' like you're using it as a euphemism for 'terrorize'."
"I didn't say a thing," Leo held his hands up in the air.
Jed smiled at his friend and then his face became serious, "A part of Sam died too that day."
Leo agreed, "We'll get him back, it will just take time that's all."
The President nodded slowly and held his friend's gaze for a while before standing up, shouting for Charlie and going back to his office.
Sam was driving his new car. Josh was sitting beside him. The gear stick seemed to glide between positions and the foot pedals moved effortlessly beneath him. He held the steering wheel loosely and savoured the feel of the leather in his steady hands. He kept his gaze fixed on the road ahead. Josh had managed to keep quiet for the start of the journey but now he began to talk, listing again the attributes of the new car as Sam turned out of his street and shifted up a gear.
"Electronic climate control…power glass sunroof…" The sky was cloudless and Sam reached for his sunglasses; he couldn't find them, "Bluetooth ready, air conditioning…" Sam noticed a large spot of rain fall onto the windshield. "Not just any air conditioning it's CFC free," the rain was now hitting the windshield hard but Sam couldn't work out how to switch on the wipers, "and let's not forget the centre armrest with beverage holder," Josh's voice had changed, it was still Josh but Sam no longer recognised the voice which continued the list, "side and front impact bars…Claire Walsh…aged 26…" Sam spun around to Josh whose disembodied voice continued, "Law student…home for the holidays."
"Why are you saying that? Stop saying that," Sam pleaded. The steering wheel suddenly went loose in his hand, he lost control of the car and it started to swerve across the road. "Josh!" Josh didn't answer and Sam turned to look at him. He cried out at the sight of Claire Walsh, covered in blood and deathly pale sitting in the passenger's seat. She smiled at Sam but then her expression changed as she looked straight ahead. She pointed and screamed. Stephen Walsh was standing in the middle of the road, Sam's car speeding towards him. Sam tried to break but the car wouldn't stop, he tried to swerve but the steering wheel was now rigid. As he zoomed towards Claire's brother he tried to close his eyes but found he was unable to do that as well. His car hit Stephen who landed on the hood, his face seemed to fill the windshield, and his arm reached for Sam through the glass as he mouthed the word 'murderer'.
Sam lurched upwards. He could feel the hand grabbing at his shoulder he knocked it away and scrambled towards the end of the bed. His breathing was rapid and he realised interspersed with sobs. He felt the bed dip behind him and a hand on his shoulder again, this time he didn't try to shake it off. They sat like that for a while until Sam got up, grabbed a clean t-shirt and went into the bathroom. When he returned Josh was lying above the covers on the bed scribbling on a pad. There was a glass of water on the bedside table which Sam gratefully sipped at. He got into bed and pulled the covers over him.
"Alright?" Josh asked.
"Yeah, thanks," Sam closed his eyes and when he didn't feel Josh get up, opened them again, "What are you doing?"
"Well if you have to keep disturbing me when I'm trying to work I thought I might as well stay in here. If you start to have another nightmare I'm going to prod you."
"Prod me, you're going to prod me?"
"Just go to sleep, some of us have work to do you know. And if you're too tired to make sure I understand what the hell this is about the least you can do is shut up and sleep while I try to do it," Josh explained.
Sam closed his eyes again, "Thanks," he mumbled before falling asleep.
Josh sat on the bed and continued to work. He prodded Sam when he started to whimper, he prodded him when his hands started to grasp at an imaginary steering wheel and he shook him when prodding didn't work. He had to wake him twice but Josh knew that despite that, it was probably the longest and deepest sleep he'd had for weeks.
When Sam woke he glanced at the clock but found it covered by a piece of paper.
Pulling it away, he cursed when he saw that it was nine-thirty and the alarm had been switched off.
Sam,
Stop swearing! You needed the sleep and Leo doesn't want you to come in today anyway. If you wake up before eleven you HAVE to phone me. I read that file three times last night and I am still absolutely clueless! I have to meet with Reynolds at twelve. I've left the file on the kitchen table next to the croissants and orange juice. Speak to you later.
Josh
P.S There aren't any croissants I made that up.
P.P.S I was lying about the orange juice too.
Sam sunk back onto the pillows and smiled. He needed to find some way to say thank you to Josh. Obviously he could read the file and make sure Josh had a good handle on it but he needed to do something more. His stomach turned as he realised what it was he could do; he could drive his new car. Sam decided he was going to do it. He had to make a start somewhere. He couldn't spend the rest of his life with his best friend sleeping beside him so that he could actually sleep for more than two hours in a row. Having made the decision to do it, and having slept for nearly five hours straight, Sam felt better than he had for a long time. He got up and showered and ate breakfast while he read the file, making notes occasionally in the margin. He wouldn't need to phone Josh. He was going to give him the file in person; he was going to drive to the White House.
Toby wasn't surprised to see Sam walking into the bullpen. He would have been more surprised if he had managed to stay home all day. He noticed that Sam was wearing jeans and a sweater though so he obviously didn't intend on staying. He was clutching a file under his arm and seemed to have quite a tight grasp on it. Toby wondered if it was the black sweater that was making Sam look so pale. Sam caught Toby's eyes and nodded at him while he went to get a coffee before entering Toby's office. When he came in Toby thought Sam looked even paler and the coffee was slurping dangerously close to the sides of the cup that was being held in a shaking hand.
"Hey," Sam greeted, "I just-"
"Are you okay?" Toby interrupted.
"Yeah, I brought this in but I managed to-"
"Come and sit down," Toby wasn't listening to Sam he was more intent on removing the cup and file and getting him to the sofa.
"Thanks, but listen I decided this morning to-"
"I don't like your colour and you're shaking. Are we heading for another panic attack here?"
Before Sam could explain, Josh appeared in the doorway, "Sam, what are you doing- hey you're shaking, what's wrong?"
Sam rolled his eyes as Toby and Josh sat on either side of him, "I'm fine. I drove. I drove my new car," he smiled at them as he finished speaking and Toby couldn't remember the last time Sam had.
"You drove! That's great Sam," Josh beamed at him, "How did it go?"
"Well it was weird, like learning to drive again. I didn't try to go past where…I went the way you've been taking me. I had to stop a couple of times to…" Sam shrugged, "well you know."
"Oh please tell me you didn't puke on the seats," Josh groaned.
"No I, thanks for your concern by the way, I managed to get out in time." Toby reached for the coffee and handed it to Sam.
"The thing is having got here, I'm not altogether sure I can face going back. I'm glad I did it but I think that's all-"
"Don't worry about it, you've done great." Toby picked up the file and handed it back to him, "Let me know when you're done tutoring Josh and we'll go."
"I just want to point out that I do not need tutoring. I asked Sam to clarify a few of the more complex points for me but I've already got a good grasp of this," Josh snatched the file from Sam.
"When Congressman Reynolds meets with you what are you going to say when he asks you why changing the legislation will benefit married couples in his state but doesn't recognise one-parent families?"
"I'm going to tell him…I'm going to point out…" Josh frowned, "Okay, I had a good grasp of something but maybe it wasn't this." Sam followed him out of the office. Toby couldn't help but smile as he watched them leave; this was almost normal, almost like old times.