Disclaimer: I don't own it
Chorus-
To recap. Romeo has bought some poison from the apothecary. He and Balthazar have ridden hard to reach Verona and are very tired. They arrive at the graveyard--
Romeo-
Balthazar--
Chorus-
Umm… Romeo, we aren't done yet.
Romeo-
Oh, sorry. Carry on
Chorus-
The scene opens
Romeo-
You made me wait for that?
Chorus-
Yeah, sorry
Romeo-
Arg! Well anyway…
Balthazar, I want you to go. One of us at least has to survive. Balthazar, you know I don't plan on leaving this graveyard. Tell my parents sob I loved them
(Turns and leaves)
Balthazar-
Romeo! (to himself) Oh Romeo! I love you! Don't die for some dumb woman! I won't let you.
Romeo- (to himself)
Okay, so the plan is: go in, find Juliet, and die at her side.
Go in… find Juliet… die (aloud) What's that?
Paris-
What the?!!
Romeo-
Oh it's you, Paris.
Paris-
Romeo! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be "banishèd" to Mantua!
Romeo-
Oh! Well… something came up.
Paris-
Something came up? I'll tell you what came up! Your execution! You know what happens to someone in exile who comes back! (violent hand gesture)
Romeo-
You're close. Actually it was—
Paris-
I DON'T CARE! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! Here you are, at the CAPULETS' Monument, with a crow bar! Do you think I'm stupid?
Romeo-
Your doing a fair imitation of it.
Paris-
I HEARD that! I know you hate the Capulets! Your a Montague after all. Your going to break in and mess with the bodies. I mean, it's your fault my Juliet died! Out of sorrow, they say, over her cousin's death.
Romeo-
But…
Paris-
No don't say it! I don't want to hear it! It ends here! En Garde!
Romeo-
But, but, oh alright, fine! Touché!
(they fight)
(Paris falls)
Romeo-
I just want you to know, Paris, I didn't want to have to kill you--
Paris-
But I'm still alive.
Romeo-
Oh, then, I'm didn't want to have to deal you a mortal wound—
Paris-
I think I could get better.
Romeo-
D'you want me to fix that for you?
Paris-
No
Romeo-
Then shut your trap. Now, in we go.
(enters the monument)
Ooh, it's creepy in here. All the dead Capulets. Now, where's Juliet. Hmm… Whoa, that's not pretty. Oh! My Juliet! Oh my poor darling! All cold. Yet not pale? Your lips and cheeks look bright and rosy! I guess death couldn't bear to rob you of your beauty.
(look up)
Oh poor Tybalt. Tybalt, Tybalt, Tybalt, you silly boy. You should not have challenged me and Mercutio. If you hadn't, maybe you would still be alive. Ah well. May as well get on with it.
(raises the bottle of poison to his lips)
(a door slams open)
Balthazar-
Nooooooo!
(crashes into Romeo, whose bottle breaks)
Romeo-
Balthazar! I told you to go away. Now I have to kill you too!
Balthazar-
Go ahead! Strike true!
As long as I die with you!
Romeo-
What?!!
Balthazar-
I lo-- what the?!!
(stares behind Romeo)
Romeo-
Huh?
(Turns slowly)
Juliet!
(runs to her)
Oh there is a god! Your alive!
Juliet-
What, didn't you know? Friar Lawrence was 'sposed to tell you.
Romeo-
Oh he was, was he?
Juliet-
Yes, he- Paris?!
Romeo-
Paris? I thought you were dead.
Paris-
I told you I wasn't. Now get away from my fiancée!
Romeo-
Your fiancée? Last time I checked she was my wife! That overrules your claim to her by a bit doesn't it.
Paris-
Yeah. Right. Like Juliet would marry a Montague! Ha ha ha, that's rich!
Juliet-
It's true Paris. I AM married to Romeo.
Paris-
Aww man. Gimme that dagger.
Romeo-
Why?
Paris-
Just DO it!
( Grabs Dagger and stabs himself)
Balthazar-
Hey me too!
(Stabs himself)
Juliet-
Well that was unfortunate!
Romeo-
Yeah. Well let's go. If I'm caught here it'll be REALLY unfortunate.
Juliet-
Okay.
(they exit)
(enter Friar Lawrence)
Friar-
Juliet! Juliet! Juliet?
END