I…I never wanted this. I hated the thought of it… It scared me and I hated the feeling of being scared. I never thought I could be scared…but it's naïve to think that way. I've been frightened before. Always. When you care for someone, you become scared and you feel their pain and you can't stand it sometimes. But that's the price to care and love someone. To always be scared, to worry, and to be caused grief and it's worth it. Always.
But it's not fair. I didn't want to care for anyone…not after she left. After she was gone I didn't want to open myself anymore…not even to the best friend I had before her. It was cruel, but I didn't want to be hurt. Selfish, but I couldn't stop it. And it was that selfishness that lead me to here.
I regret it so much I cry at night. I fall to my knees on the dusty ground and cry and shudder in the cold. I wished someone was there to tell me it's okay. I wished someone was there to hold me and caress my hair, whispering soothing words and letting me know I'm not alone…but that someone… Anyone…gone. It's all gone. I left it and I have no one to blame but myself.
I watched him from afar all the time. I would watch and admire him. Despite everything he stayed strong. Despite everything he helped me…no matter how many times I've hurt him, destroyed him. And he still cares for me…and I can't stand it. I never wanted him to care so much. I didn't want him to because I knew I would end up hurting him. I watched him from afar, I cared for him, I loved him and I can't stand it anymore. They said I had strength… I had courage…if all of it could make this stop, I would make it stop. But I can't…I can't stand it.
I was alive after the battle we had. He couldn't bring himself to deal the final blow. I told him to, I told him to kill me. I even lied and said it would make me happy. But he looked at me with those sober, caring eyes and I saw those tears.
Once I saw those tears, I knew I couldn't come back after I finished.
I stood and attacked him. I took the saber and thrust it into him. I couldn't meet his eyes until his arms came around me. I looked into those eyes and I myself burst into tears. I pulled the saber out and we held each other close. No… I doubt I killed him. But I know he was injured enough to die if he didn't get help. I didn't want him to die. I cared for him too much. And so, I took him somewhere safe when he passed out, arms around me and crying and whimpering. He had pressed his face into my shoulder and sobbed and then blacked out. I held him closer and teleported to HQ and set him down. I knew the others would fix him up. I knew they would…
I gave that old building one more look before I stepped onto the road. That one step made, I knew I couldn't go back now. No. I couldn't face him anymore. I didn't want to hurt him anymore…and I won't. I took a step after step, walking away, walking on that road that took me away and somewhere else…and I was left alone to my bittersweet memories and my frightening nightmares. I remember his eyes, his tears, and I can't rest. I can't forgive myself for leaving him behind but for all I know…he might be dead. Because of me. I just might have dealt the final blow. Maybe they didn't help him in time… That made me worse. I couldn't stop regretting, and I knew I could have done something better. But I'm too far away from home…I'm gone. It's better this way…right?
Oh, Zero, if you're alive, I'm so sorry… Please, remember me, X, as your best friend. I still care, I still love, I still want you to be happy. I may be walking away…but perhaps… I'll let go…
The winter here's cold and bitter…
It's chilled us to the bone…
We haven't seen the sun for weeks,
Too long, too far from home…
I feel just like I'm sinking,
And I claw for solid ground…
I'm pulled down by the undertow;
I never thought I could feel so low…
Oh, darkness, I feel like letting go…
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place…
I know I can love you much better than this…
Full of grace, Full of grace, my love…
It's better this way,
I said…
Haven't seen this place before.
Where everything we say and do,
Hurts us all the more…
It's just that we stayed too long
In the same old sickly skin.
And I'm pulled down by the undertow;
I never thought I could feel so low…
Oh, darkness, I feel like letting go…
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place…
I know I can love you much better than this…
Full of grace, full of grace…
I know I can love you much better than this…
It's better this way…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lyrics belong to their respected owners and I do not own Megaman or related characters. Is this shounen-ai? I have no idea. I was just listening to the song and getting rid of writer's block. I love this song. @_@ I hope you enjoyed.