Title: A Different Kind of Night

Disclaimer: I own nothing of great value, and that includes Abby, Carter and the other cohorts of ER. Those belong to The Powers That Be and the kind folks at Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement is ever intended. I write because I like to write, and I share because I want to.

Author's Notes: Mmm… Nothing like a good episode of ER and a pint of Mud Pie ice cream to get you in the mood. ;o) For those who were waiting for chapter two, I hope this meets your expectations. Spoilers for "Insurrection".

A part of me has always wondered what it would be like to have my life flash before my eyes. You know, in one of those am-I-gonna-live-or-die moments. How long would it take? What would I see? My manic mother? My brother? My accomplishments? My mistakes?

Today was a different kind of day. A strange day. A day unlike any other. Oh yeah, this one's definitely for the diary. Too bad I don't keep one.

Susan leans over and elbows me in the ribs, jerking her head to indicate the person on her right. I look over in her direction and watch Chen roll down the window clumsily, sticking her head out into the rush of the moving air. We're sitting in the back of a cab, having successfully snagged it as we exited the Shadow Room. I shake my head and laugh at Chen, who's yelling something to the streets of Chicago, and resolve back into my own thoughts.

Tonight was fun. One of the better ways to end a day like this. Hell, it'd be a good way to end any kind of day. But after a visit from family, a hostage negotiation, an insurrection and a whole lot of the usual and unusual crap, this was just what the doctor ordered. Granted, it's probably not what my doctor would have ordered, and I would probably concur with him. So no one should wonder why I'm in such a hurry to get home.

"This isn't the way to your place. Hey cabby, you're not going the right way."

"Shh!" I whack Susan on the arm lightly.

She looks at me, shocked. "Oww." She pouts for a second before her senses get the better of her and she dissolves into a fit of giggles.

"You change your route?" The voice of the driver booms from the front. My head snaps towards it.

"No. No. This is the right way." I look back to Susan, who's struggling to regain control of her oxygen intake. "Thanks a lot."

"Hey… How was I supposed to know?" She tries her best to put on an innocent face, but can't seem to keep the sly grin from sneaking its way back out. "Looking to get lucky, Abby?"

Her inquiry is enough to arouse Chen. "What's that? Abby's getting lucky?"

I roll my eyes in exasperation, but brush the comment aside. "You two are wasted."

"Maybe we are…" Chen studies Susan and then looks back at me. "… But you are, too."

I laugh outright. "Not by a long shot, believe me."

Chen frowns at my response. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I sigh. "Nothing. Never mind."

She sits back in her spot and considers this for a moment. "Never mind," she mimics and shakes her head, moving on.

To my dismay, Susan chooses to continue her inquisition. "So I thought you said goodnight already. Why are you going to see him?"

"I didn't say goodnight."

"Sure you did." Chen pipes. "Right before we left the ER, you said 'Goodnight, John.' I heard you."

I chew my bottom lip. "Oh. Well… I want to surprise him, I guess."

Susan raises her eyebrows, making a rolling 'proceed' motion with her hands. "Yeah… And?"

"And what?"

"You want to surprise him and what else?"

I frown and shake my head. "I don't know. I just want to see him." I glance over at Susan and Chen, who are staring at me very intently. "Ok?"

They're silent for a moment or two, and I try to read their expressions. Susan giggles first, followed by Chen.

I stare at them in puzzled wonder. "What?"

"You want to get lucky!"

I close my eyes and rest my head against the back of the seat in frustration. Could this cab ride be any longer? "No, I don't!"

Susan attempts to compose herself. "Sure you do. Why else would you go to his apartment at one-thirty in the morning if it wasn't for a booty call?"

Chen bursts into laughter.

"What the… I'm not…" I look at my watch. "It's only twelve-fifteen!"

"Big deal. It's still a booty call."

"Booty call!"

I shake my head fervently and sigh heavily. "Fine." I throw my hands up in the air. "Fine! It's a booty call. You figured it out." I lean forward and glower at them both. "Congratulations."

The laughter stops, but only for a second. I watch them for a moment before I give in and join them. Sure they can be downright irritating sometimes, but they're my friends and what would I do without them? I lean back against my seat and look out my window as we turn onto his street.

Sometime during the evening, I was overcome with this incessant urge to be with him. Sure, I knew he was still at work, and I had no particular desire to go back into that hell, but I couldn't shake the need that I wanted us to be sitting next to each other, alone together. No patients. No coworkers. No med-students. No bosses. No brothers. Just Abby and John. John and Abby.

This isn't a booty call. It's something… different.

The cab stops in front of his building and I waste no time getting out. I turn around as I step onto the curb, leaning over to peer inside at my inebriated friends.

"You two gonna to be okay?"

The giggles subside as they look up at me with eyes glazed, confused expressions splashed across their faces, as if they don't understand what I'd just asked them. The silence is broken seconds later as more laughter erupts from Chen. This is enough to set Susan off again, doubling over in her seat, her hair falling into her lap. I stand there for a moment watching them before I clear my throat.

"Excuse me…"

Susan's head flips up again and she inhales a long, ragged breath as she looks at me.

"Yes, Mother. We'll be fine." She glares at me with mock seriousness, before collapsing into laughter once more. I shake my head as I stand and begin to close the car door.

"… Have fun." I hear just before the latch catches.

I step aside and knock on the cabby's window. He rolls it down, looking up at me. I hand him my part of the fare.

"Make sure they actually get inside."

The driver nods and takes the money, rolling his window back up. I step away from the curb and watch him pull away, disappearing around the corner a few moments later. Sighing, I turn to face the building I'm standing outside of. I squint against the streetlight, looking upwards at the window I know is his. I smile when I see the hint of light shining from behind the curtain. So I won't be able to surprise him, after all.

I use the key he gave me and let myself into the building. These days I'm struck by how comfortable I feel entering an apartment that isn't mine. It's a routine that's become almost instinctive. I get off late, or even early, and my first thought is to come back here and be with him. I can't even remember the last time I spent more than one night alone at my place.

We're always together. Do I mind? I haven't yet.

Tonight feels like an elevator night, so I make my way up to his floor by way of Otis. The hallway greets me as I step off the lift, and in less than ten steps I'm standing outside his door. I fumble for my keys once more, searching for the right one. I place my hand on the doorknob and to my surprise, it rotates. I smile. He was expecting me.

I push open the door and am greeted by the familiar ambiance that I've grown to welcome… even crave. The front room is illuminated only by the small floor lamp in the corner by the bookshelf, the room empty of any human presence. I notice his keys and wallet lying on the table beside the door, and I place my bag underneath it. Kicking off my shoes and shrugging out of my jacket, I hang it inside the closet door. I run my hands over the one hanging next to it and deduce that he hasn't been home very long.

I find him sitting at the table in the kitchen, a coffee mug in his hands, his eyes cast downwards. I lean against the doorframe and watch him for a moment or two.

"Hi."

He looks up, frowning. Surprised, maybe? I thought he knew I would come. His expression softens when his eyes meet mine.

"Hey. I didn't hear you come in."

I push myself away from the doorway and make my way towards him. He looks exhausted. I brush my hand across his cheek gently, leaning down to give him a kiss.

"I didn't know if you'd be asleep already."

He sighs. "I just got home."

"I see that." I smile. "Did you get everything done?"

He nods weakly. "Barely." He leans forward on the table, playing with the cup in front of him.

"Did you make enough for two?"

"Of course."

I laugh lightly and travel over to the coffee maker. I retrieve my own mug – yes, I have one of those, too – and fill it. "Is this decaf?"

"Yeah."

I put the pot back in its resting spot and return to the table with my coffee, sitting across from him. His head is propped in his hand now, his chin bobbing up and down slightly as he looks at me.

"Did you have fun tonight?"

I take a sip of my coffee and nod. "Yeah. Though not as much as Chen and Susan."

He raises his eyebrows at my revelation. "Really? What happened?"

I drop my head a little in coyness. "I was sworn to secrecy, sorry." I throw him a playful look to show him I'm kidding, hoping to get some animated reaction in return.

He complies, laughing and shaking his head. I realize that's the first smile I've gotten out of him since I got home.

"So… What are you still doing up?"

He inhales deeply and leans back in his chair, stretching. "Waiting up for you?"

"Aw shucks." I wink in his direction, a gesture that always amuses him. "You've had a long day, I wouldn't have minded."

He rises from his chair, taking his empty mug to the sink. "Your day has been just as long as mine."

I consider this briefly, tipping my head to the side. "I didn't stage a department-wide walkout."

He turns around, leaning back against the counter. "You participated in one."

I scoff. "Hardly."

He glances over and we exchange a silent look for several seconds. I'm the first who dares to break the trance, looking across the table at a sheet of paper. I hadn't noticed it earlier. Must have been what he was musing over when I came in.

I nod my head in the direction of the paper. "What's this?"

He opens his mouth to answer, then closes it. He looks to the sheet, and then back at me. "It's a list."

"Can I see?"

He shrugs and nods. I reach across the table and slide the paper towards me. I recognize it immediately. "This is a blank nurses' schedule."

He nods again. "Yup."

I frown. "What do you need a blank nurses' schedule for?"

"It's a list."

"A list of what?"

"Nurses."

I sigh in frustration. If he's playing with me, I don't find it funny. "I know that, John. What do you need a list of nurses for?"

He stares at me for a moment, as if he's unsure of his response. I pick up the sheet to look at it more closely, and notice several notes beside the names listed there. "John?" I look back up at him. "Tell me."

Pushing himself away from the counter, he approaches me and takes the paper from my hand, looking at it sadly.

"I have to fire three nurses."

I stare at him in disbelief. "What?"

He sighs. "As an offset to the metal detectors and the construction costs. Weaver wants me to pick three senior nurses to let go."

"Oh." My eyes drift downwards. "Wow."

"Yeah."

I will my gaze to meet his once more. "That's a pretty big decision."

He looks at the paper again. "Yeah."

"What… What are you going to do?"

He glances at me, and I can see the hurt in his expression. "What else can I do?"

My heart falls right there. I rise slowly out of my chair and stand before him. I pull the paper slowly out of his hands and put it back on the table. His eyes follow its path. I bring my hands back to cup his face, angling it so he's looking right at me.

My voice is barely a whisper. "You did a good thing today."

His eyes are pained. "Did I?"

I nod once sharply. "Yes."

He sighs heavily and covers my hands with his own, lifting them off his face. He kisses my palms lightly.

"I know."

I smile reassuringly. "You need to get some sleep."

He nods. "I think we both do."

I pull out of his grasp and reach behind me for my coffee cup. I move towards the sink, but he stops me and takes the mug out of my hands.

"You go. I'll be right there."

I tip my head. "Are you sure?"

He nods silently. I squeeze his arm lightly and reach up to kiss him lightly on the cheek.

"Thanks for waiting up," I say softly and turn to leave, giving him the space he needs to make his choice.

I wander down the hallway and into the darkness of the bedroom. Working my way to the bed, I turn on the lamp on the nightstand, partially illuminating the room with its glow. Moving around, I pick my pajamas up off the bench at the foot of the bed and pad into the master bathroom. I flip on the light and set the clothing on the toilet seat. I straighten myself and look into the mirror. God, I look about five years older than I did this morning. I sigh and pick my toothbrush up, wetting it before applying a generous portion of paste. I stick it in my mouth and begin to work the brush over my teeth, stopping every half-minute or so to spit. I rinse once and wash out the sink, leaving the tap on and filling the basin with warm water afterwards. I pick up the washcloth and the soap and proceed to scrub my face, attempting to bring some life back into my features. I rinse again and pull the plug, grabbing the hand towel off its hook and drying myself off. I catch my reflection again. It's an improvement, though barely. Probably just because I am tired. Days like today aren't the norm in my life, despite what others may think.

I pull my shirt over my head, throwing it aside, and unbutton my jeans, stepping out of them. I grab my tank top from the pile on the seat and slip it over my head. My cotton bottoms are cool against my skin as I slide them up my legs, adjusting the elastic so the top of them rests over my hips. I realize this is more than what I've usually gone to bed wearing in the last couple of months, but I'm already feeling that tonight is different from any other night I've spent with him. I pull my hair back into a sloppy ponytail and secure it with the hair elastic I find sitting next to the soap dish. Taking another look at myself in the mirror, I change my mind and pull the elastic out, setting it back beside the soap dish. Giving my reflection a passing grade, I pick up my street clothes and return to the bedroom.

I set my top and jeans on the chair beside the armoire and pull back the covers on the bed. I climb in and bring the sheet and blanket up around my waist. Turning around, I move the pillows up against the headboard and lean back so I'm in a half-sitting, half-laying position. I draw my knees partway up underneath the covers and place my hands on my stomach. Closing my eyes, I allow my mind to wander, waiting for him.

My thoughts drift back to the visit from Eric. He looked good, and despite the fact that I wish he had come on a better day, I was glad to see him. Even if it was just for a few minutes. He always had timing, even as a kid. I remember he had a knack for catching me – on a number of occasions - doing things I shouldn't have been doing. Making out with my boyfriend in my bedroom, smoking behind the garage. I could always count on him to show up and ruin the fun. And yet, he never busted me for it.

He was just a little kid when Mom was finally diagnosed, and suddenly everything in our lives was changing. Dad chose to run. Away from his faulty family. His responsibilities. His obligation to us. Mom was devastated. Eric was confused. I was the oldest, and suddenly it felt like the weight of the world rested on my narrow shoulders. I grew up. Fast. Faster than any of my friends, as I realized when they began to segregate themselves from me. Poor Abby. Abby with the crazy mother.

The last thing I wanted in my life was for Eric to experience the same things I was going through. And so I protected him. I tried to convince him that everything was normal. Mom's ok, Eric. She just gets tired. Go play with your friends. Have fun. Don't worry too much. Let that be my job.

My job.

He goes out on top secret, undercover missions for the Air Force. He's the one who disappears and doesn't call for weeks at a time. He's the one who flies God-knows where and does God-knows what kinds of dangerous things. And I'm the one who has to defend my career choice. Did someone say something about irony?

I sigh and open my eyes, directing them towards the ceiling. I dare not to look at the clock and see what time it is. We should be sleeping by now. It's been a long, strange day. We should be sleeping...

As if on cue, I hear him come into the bedroom. After a short pause, I hear him set his clothes on the bench, and feel the shift of the bed as he sits down on the edge. I force my body to sit up so I can see him better. His back is to me, and I move a little more so I'm sitting behind him. My hands creep around his neck and I pull him towards me in an embrace, kissing the back of his head as I do so.

"All finished?"

He remains silent, looking straight ahead for a few moments before nodding slowly. I watch as his hands stroke my arms gently, his fingertips barely touching my skin in that way that sends shivers down my spine. If it had been any other night, I would be all over him by now. But tonight is different.

He unwraps my arms from around his body, reaches to turn off the lamp, and moves to get under the covers. I scoot over, giving him room to settle, and he lies down, dragging the covers up around him. I'm still sitting up, and he encircles my waist with an arm, pulling me down beside him. I let my head fall to rest on his chest and he begins to stroke my hair. I close my eyes and inhale his scent, smile, and will myself to delve into a peaceful slumber.

I'm almost there when I hear him call my name. I raise my head from the comfort of his body and rest my chin on his chest, looking at him.

"What?"

"Were you scared?"

I give myself a moment to let the question resonate, my eyes searching his for that match of emotion.

"Yeah. I was." There it is. "Were you?"

"Very."

His voice cracks just the slightest on this word, and I bite my lip to keep the tears back. I reach up then and lightly brush the back of my hand across his cheek. He continues to stroke my hair.

"Would you… I mean, if you could… Would you want to work anywhere else?"

I smile weakly at his question. "Are you firing me, Dr. Carter?"

"Abby…"

"No." I state flatly, firmly. "I love my job."

He accepts my answer, and for a moment I think I detect a hint of relief in his expression. I stretch upwards and plant a small kiss on his lips before I settle back into his embrace, my head finding its spot on his chest.

"Night, John-Boy."

I feel him sigh heavily underneath me, his arms wrapping tighter around my body, holding me closer to him. As if that was possible.

"Night, Abby."

And I realize that we've taken it to the next level. For at this moment, the need to physically be with each other is not as great as the need to be with each other mentally, emotionally. This I can give him, now, as my eyes grow heavy and sleep descends upon us both. I can feel his breathing slow into rhythmic measure with mine, our hearts beating in harmony.

Tonight is a different kind of night.

~~~