Title: Sensations

Disclaimer: I own nothing of great value, and that includes Abby, Carter and the other cohorts of ER. Those belong to The Powers That Be and the kind folks at Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement is ever intended. I write because I like to write, and I share because I want to.

Notes: Yeah, so it's this close to the end of the semester. High stress, little sleep. And yet, I indulged. Another supersized chapter. Consider it an advance apology for nearing inevitable delinquencies.

Spoilers for 'First Snowfall'.

"Oh, the city's a mess. How are you holding up?"

I pause to answer, but something in his voice strikes me. I look up.

My heart skips a beat.

I tuck my phone under my chin and stare at him for a moment. Unblinking. Because I'm afraid that if I do, this image will disappear.

A smile creeps across my lips.

He's here.

I watch him step up onto the sidewalk. His face is a mix of exhaustion, relief and quiet comfort.

"Hi," I manage to crack out, pleasure competing with surprise.

"Hi."

We exchange another look and I roll my eyes playfully.

"What… What took you so long?"

He laughs a throaty chuckle and takes a couple more steps, coming to rest on the step beside me.

He looks out towards the way he came. "Mother Nature and I had a little bit of a disagreement."

I follow his gaze, nodding. "I see." I take a deep breath and tip my head sideways, looking at him again. "But you're here now."

He smiles, and I can't help but do the same. "Neither rain nor snow…"

I shake my head, laughing. "I get it."

He moves closer to me, taking my phone and slipping it into my coat pocket. He picks up one of my hands next, and brings it to his face, kissing it gently.

I blush, still smiling.

He turns his head towards me and leans closer. My response is instinctive, as my free hand reaches up to stroke his cheek, leaning my forehead against his, closing my eyes.

"I missed you," I say, my voice barely a whisper.

"I know."

I open my eyes as he straightens and looks ahead once more. I stare at his profile for a second and then rest my head on his shoulder.

"So…"

"How are you holding up?"

I have to think about my answer.

My brother is sick. He's been arrested. Tomorrow he faces a court martial. He might go to jail.

And they've been lying to me.

I'm tired. Sad. Angry. Lost.

I should feel worse. But I don't.

Because I'm not alone.

"Abby…"

"I'm okay."

"Really?"

I swallow and blink twice slowly. "Really."

He nods, accepting my answer. "Good."

We sit like this for a minute or two, just enjoying each other's company. There's no need for immediate communication. There will be time enough for that later. It's been a long day… A long week… And all I want to do is be with him.

I look down at our entwined hands, fingers caressing fingers.

"How'd you know I was still here?"

"I checked at the gate. You weren't signed out."

"Ah…" I close my eyes. He's incredible.

"Abby?"

They flutter open. "Yeah?"

"Why haven't you signed out?"

I draw my head upwards, off his shoulder, as I inhale a breath. I look up at the night sky, then behind me towards the door.

"I keep thinking that maybe he'll need me."

"He does need you."

I shake my head, sadly. "I'm not so sure, Carter… I -"

My words are cut short by the sound of the automatic doors sliding open, followed by footsteps.

"Abby?"

Our heads spin around towards the voice. Carter looks at Maggie, then at me, eyebrows raised.

I twist my mouth. "Hey, Mom."

She begins to descend the steps. "John Carter…"

Carter rises at her approach, dropping my hand as he does so. I sigh and push myself off the step as well.

Maggie stops in between us and pauses for a moment before wrapping her arms around Carter in a hug. Confusion crosses his face for a second and he responds, patting her back lightly.

"Hi, Ms. Wyczenski."

She pulls back and studies him. "Always the polite one. Please, call me Maggie. I mean, after all you've done…" She stops and considers something. I stare at my feet. I know what's coming.

"You didn't have to come all the way out here, John."

His eyes travel from Maggie to me. "I wanted to come."

I bite my lip.

Maggie smiles. "Well, that's awfully sweet of you. I'm sure Abby appreciates it, too. Right, Abby?"

I draw my eyes upwards and look from my mother back to Carter.

If she only knew how much I appreciate him, everyday.

"Of course."

We stand there in silence for several moments. Maggie looks back and forth between us, her suspicion growing. Carter raises his eyebrows at me, obviously amused. I shoot him a glare.

"So, Mom… Any luck finding some rooms?"

She looks at me, puzzled, and nods. "There's a motel about a mile-and-a-half from the gate. They've got a few vacancies."

I nod and look at Carter. He clears his throat.

"A mile-and-a-half, you say? I think I passed that on my way in."

Maggie perks up, smiling at him once more. "Great! You show us the way, then."

Something inside my head snaps, and I open my mouth.

"Uh… Mom. If you don't mind, I think I'll ride with Car… er, John." I look at Carter. "I want to give him an update."

She's silent for a moment, her brow creased with lines of contemplation. For the first time today, I'm struck by how tired and vulnerable she looks.

"I think that would be a good idea."

Carter and I both let out a shared breath.

I move around my mother, reaching for my bag on the steps. "Good. Um, then… We'll see you there?"

"Absolutely."

I give my mother a small smile and we step off the curb, heading towards the car. He looks back over his shoulder once before leaning down to my level.

"Long story?" He hushes.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah."

He opens the passenger door for me, leaning on it as I brush past him to get inside. "I'd love to hear it."

I smirk up at him. "You're going to be sorry you said that."

***

An hour-and-a-half-later, we are finally standing outside our motel room doors, exchanging goodnights with my mother.

We'd found the place just fine, but as soon as we got there, Maggie insisted that John and I join her for something to eat at the diner across the lot. I was reluctant, but at the quiet urgings of the man by my side – the silent "It's your mother, make friends" argument waging - I complied and tagged along. The meal was welcomed, as was the added company. It could have been worse, I realized. I could have been eating alone with my mother without the support of Carter. As it was, he managed to have a tranquil effect on everyone. The conversation was, at the very least, tolerable, which was surprising considering the mood of the day that had passed.

Still, as much as I was enjoying myself, I wanted to be alone with him. I wanted to show my appreciation for him privately, without Maggie as an audience.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask, as she inserts her room key into the lock. The wind has picked up a little since we left the base, and there's a definite chill in the air to match. I wrap my coat tighter around my body and rock back and forth on my heels. Maybe it'll snow.

"Oh, I'll be fine. Don't you worry about me." She opens the door and looks back at the two of us, smiling. "You two go on. Get some rest."

I nod and look up at Carter.

"It was nice seeing you again, John."

"You too, Maggie."

She stares at us for a moment longer, pursing her lips together in that way she does when she knows I'm keeping something back. Shaking her head, she gives a small wave before stepping into her room.

"… Have a good night." She calls out as the door clicks shut.

I'm quiet for another second until I hear the deadbolt locking on the other side of the door. I close my eyes, biting my lip and let out a breath of relief.

His hand falls to rest protectively on my back.

"She looks healthy."

I open my eyes, look up at him and shrug. "I guess." A smile finds its way to my lips as I recall her genuine pleasure at his unexpected arrival. "She's got such a soft spot for you." I smack his chest lightly and turn about on my heel to face our motel room.

I can feel his hands grip my shoulders tightly as I work to unlock the door. He kisses the back of my head gently.

"Like mother, like daughter."

I push the door open and throw him a look over my shoulder. "Ha ha."

Once inside the room, I make my way over to the nearest lamp and flick it on, dropping my bag on the floor as I do. I slip off my jacket as I take a look around the room. It's small, but clean. My gaze wanders around for a moment or two, until they finally settle on the tall, quiet figure that followed me inside. He's still standing in the doorway, overnight bag still slung over his shoulder. Watching me.

I make a face. "What's wrong?"

He shakes his head and advances further into the room. "I was about to ask you the same thing." He puts the bag on the bed, slips off his jacket and turns around to face me again, eyebrows raised.

I shrug. "It's a little small."

He looks around the room. "It's a cheap motel room on the side of a highway. What did you expect?"

"You make it sound so kinky." I roll my eyes at my joke.

He laughs at my expression. "Come on… It's clean and it's safe. Where would you rather go?"

My expression falls and I look at the floor. "Home."

He steps in front of me and tips my chin up to look at him. "That will come. Eventually."

I sigh and slip around him, travelling to the bed. "I know."

"So can we make ourselves comfortable here?"

I don't answer, but instead reach for the overnight bag. I unzip it and look through the contents. "Did you bring everything?"

"Everything you asked me to bring. Plus a few extras."

I look over at him. "Extras?"

He nods. "Soap, shampoo…"

"Conditioner?"

He smiles. "Conditioner, deodorant…"

I pull my toothbrush out of the side pocket.

"… Toothbrush and toothpaste. I think that's it."

I grab the tube of toothpaste and clutch the two items to my chest as I step up to him. "You really are incredible."

He tips his head to the side. "People keep telling me that."

Leaning down, he brings his face closer to mine for the first kiss we've shared since the previous day. I close my eyes, smiling at his approach. Just when I feel our lips are about to make contact, I give him a playful shove against his chest.

He frowns as I back away. "What was that for?"

I grin wickedly and hold up the items in my hand. "At least allow me to freshen up first."

He calls after me as I disappear into the bathroom. "That was cruel, Abby. Just cruel."

I pop my head around the doorframe. "Could be worse. I could make you beg for it later."

He shakes his head and turns to sit down on the bed. I shrink back into the bathroom and immediately set to work on my self-appointed task. I load up the brush and begin to work it around my mouth. The fresh taste of the paste and the feeling of the bristles bring with it that extra repose that comes with getting back to – some - routine. I know I didn't ask him to bring it, but I'm glad he did. It's familiar, and I crave that right now. But who knew something as simple as a toothbrush could bring me such comfort?

In the other room, I can hear the faint sounds of the television as he flips through the channels. I catch my reflection in the mirror and smile as that sense of tranquility washes over me again.

This is how I felt when I looked up and saw him standing there. The same feeling I get whenever I'm with him.

It isn't the toothbrush. It's the man who brought the toothbrush.

I rinse out my mouth and wash the residue out of the sink. I use one of the courtesy towels to dry my hands and hang it up.

I emerge from the bathroom and find him sitting at the foot of the bed, shoes off. The overnight bag has been moved, and our jackets hang casually over the back of a chair. Some news report flickers on the television screen.

"Take a look at this. Three feet of snow in seven hours."

I glance at the picture as I kick off my own shoes. "Wow…" I sit down beside him and we watch the coverage together. It barely strikes me that this is that same Chicago I left last night.

"I'm lucky I was able to get a flight out when I did. I might have had to charter a plane."

A breath catches in my throat.

I look at him, eyebrows raised. "You… Would have done that?"

He glances at me briefly and turns back to the TV, smiling. "If I needed to."

"Oh." I bite my bottom lip. "Wow."

He never fails to make me feel this way. Like I'm the most important person in the world.

Pushing myself up off the bed, I shift so that I'm standing directly in front of him. He frowns up at me, opening his mouth in what I'm sure is in protest for blocking the television. Not that I care. Pulling the remote out of his hands, I twist around only to erase the picture before turning back to face him. We're not in Chicago right now, and I have much more pressing news I want to fill him in on.

I flip the remote over his shoulder and onto the bed as I snake my arms around his neck. Positioning my body in between his knees, I stroke the back of his head lovingly and smile.

"Hi…"

He raises an eyebrow, his own smile creeping across his lips. His hands rise to rest on my hips and he leans forward so that our faces are mere inches apart.

"Hello, yourself."

A low moan escapes from his lips as I capture them with my own in a kiss. I settle myself against his left thigh, and he responds by drawing his arms further around me, pulling me closer. Our kiss quickly becomes more intense, our lips parting, tongues mingling, as we passionately greet each other for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours. His hands roam the length of my waist and backside. My own hands find themselves conveniently lost in his hair.

We part several seconds later, breathless.

"I've been wanting to do that since you got here," I manage to pant out before I lean in again, nuzzling his neck.

"Mmm… They say absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I nibble his ear lightly. "And does it?"

"Oh yeah… "

I trail kisses up along his jaw and across his temple. "So does this mean I should take more trips out of state?"

"Don't you dare…"

I pull back slightly and look at him for a moment before I lower my head to his again, our lips meeting in the middle. My hands seem to have a mission of their own as they slide back from around his neck and down his chest, catching the hem of his shirt. I tug at it.

"Abby…"

I smile against his lips and pull at the shirt again.

"Abby… Don't."

I push aside his protest and instead slide my hands underneath the garment. My teeth nip at his lips playfully as I try and inch the shirt upwards.

Suddenly his hands are gripping my arms, pulling me away.

"I said don't, Abby."

I blink once in disbelief. "What?"

"Don't do this. Not tonight."

I raise my eyebrows in a challenge. "Don't do what?"

He sighs and straightens, pulling back even more. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I do?"

"Yes, you do."

I stare at him for a moment, anger swelling inside my chest.

What's happening?

"You don't want me."

My glare must be cold, because he hangs his head then.

"That's not what I meant, Abby…"

I let out a sharp breath and I push myself from my perch.

"I can't believe this…"

"Abby…"

"No. No, I don't want to hear it." I bring a hand to my head and pace around in circles, trying to collect my emotions.

What went wrong?

"Abby, please…" He stands and tries to approach me.

I hold my other hand out to stop him. "No, Carter. Just… " I look at him for a second, shake my head, turn and walk away.

"Just leave me alone," I say, as I slam the bathroom door behind me.

I flip on the switch and squint at the harsh fluorescent light that sears though my tearful eyes. I pound my hand on the counter as they slide down my cheeks.

I can't believe he rejected me.

Jilted. Twice in one day. By the two most important men in my life.

Swiping one hand across my face, I turn on the faucet with the other. I cup my hands underneath the stream and lean over, splashing cold water over my hot, flushed features. I repeat this a few more times before grabbing the towel and wiping myself dry. I sniff and look at my reflection in the mirror.

God, no wonder he didn't want you, Abby. You're a mess.

You know you're a fool for believing him. You always have been.

I take in a shaky breath and close my eyes, coaxing the negative thoughts away.

No. This isn't over. You can't give up this easy. He said he wouldn't leave you, and he meant it.

Go.

There's a soft knock on the door.

"Abby… "

Open the door.

I take another breath and open my eyes.

He came to be with you. Not out of a sense of duty, not because you asked him to. He came because he wanted to. Just like last time.

Go. Talk to him.

Stop hiding.

I take one last look in the mirror before turning out the light and returning to the main room. He's sitting on the side of the bed, facing the door. Waiting for me.

I ring my hands and look at the floor.

"I'm sorry."

"Abby… Abby look up. Look at me." His voice is calm, tentative.

I raise my eyes.

"Why do you keep shutting me out?"

I stand there motionless for a moment as I try to come up with an answer.

"I'm scared."

He sighs, concern allied with his breath. "It's ok, Abby. It's ok to be scared."

I shake my head and sniff back a small sob. "No, no it's not."

He stands up. "Yes, it is."

I take a deep breath and brush past him, flopping down on the bed. I lay on my back and look at the ceiling.

"Did I tell you that he didn't want to see me today?"

I feel the bed shift as he sits down again. "Are you surprised by that?"

I roll my head to one side, then the other.

"No. But it still hurt."

A strong, comforting hand caresses my thigh. "Of course it did. You love him."

I shift my gaze to look at him now. He smiles warmly and takes my hand. I close my eyes for a moment and concentrate on the sensation that comes with his touch.

"Abby…"

"I'm really tired, Carter. Can we please just…" I open my eyes and look at him again. "… Go to bed?"

His features soften with tender sadness and he nods quietly.

I slip my hand out of his and pull myself up off the bed. I pick up the bag on the floor, rummaging through it for something to sleep in.

"Here…" He takes the bag from me and pulls something out. "I brought you these." He hands me a tank top and a pair of cotton pajama bottoms.

I smile weakly at the clothing in my hands. "Thanks."

"Are you done with the bathroom?"

I look at him, temporarily distracted. "Uh… Yeah."

"Ok."

I watch him as he disappears into the other room, closing the door behind him. I shut my eyes, blinking back the sudden tears that have sprung up again.

I change quickly and quietly, putting my street clothes on the chair where our jackets hang. I pull the clip out of my hair and comb my fingers through it a few times, letting it fall across my shoulders. I flick off the lights until only the soft glow from underneath the bathroom door remains. I turn to head towards the bed, but change my course of travel and head to the window instead. Pulling back the curtains a little, I look out into the night and am surprised by the sight that greets me. A layer of snow blankets the ground and everything else in sight. I purse my lips together and watch the flakes as they fall from the sky, lightly and carefully to the earth.

It's almost peaceful.

I fold the drapes closed and pad my way over to the bed, pulling the bedspread and covers back. I lay down and pull the blanket and sheet up underneath my arms. I close my eyes and lay there for a minute – waiting – until a realization enters my mind. I roll onto my side and look at the digital clock on the nightstand. Fingering the buttons, I set the alarm for seven A.M..

A few moments later I hear the bathroom door open, followed by footsteps. I roll over onto my back again and gaze down towards the foot of the bed. Despite the growing darkness, I can still make out the shadows his figure makes as he undresses and changes for the night. I smile at the image set before me as that familiar feeling once again envelops me, consuming every note of doubt I had.

He's here.

I wait until he crawls into the bed quietly, as if he's afraid to disturb me. Except he knows I'm still awake. I wait until he settles beside me, my face pointed in his direction, my eyes fixed on his every movement. I wait until he closes his eyes, and then I reach over, touching his cheek.

His hand catches mine and holds it there. His breath grazes my skin, sending well-known shivers down my spine.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

He pulls, and I shift my position. Sliding over, I wrap myself around him. My head falls naturally to his shoulder and I bury my face in his chest for a moment, inhaling his scent. One of his hands strokes my arm whilst the fingers on the other gently guide themselves through my hair.

"John?"

"Yeah."

"I never… Thanked you. For coming."

"You didn't have to."

I play with the fabric of his cotton t-shirt. "Neither did you."

He sighs then, his chest rising and falling with a deep breath. His arms pull me closer, and he plants a kiss on my head.

"It's not an obligation, Abby. Not when it's you. It's a privilege."

I smile in the darkness and lean over, kissing his chest three times. Lifting my head, I gaze up at him.

"It's snowing, you know."

"I know."

I rest my head back on his shoulder and squeeze him tightly. I never want this feeling to go away.

"Maybe we'll get snowed in."

"Maybe."

Our voices are barely audible. We're both so close to sleep.

"Night, John."

"Mmm… Night Abby."

Almost.

"I'm so glad you're here."

"Me, too."

There.

***