Title: Night Sessions

Disclaimer: I don't own Carter, Abby, or the premise to ER. Those belong to the great Powers That Be and the kind folks over at Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement is ever intended.

Spoilers for "Kisangani". Final crossover installment with KenzieGal's "The Long Way" series. Read her latest chapter (15), "Leave a Light on For Me". Adore it. You've been told.

This is it folks, so let's skip the formalities and jump right in… Please read the author's notes, which will be posted after this chapter.

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Here I am again.

If there's one guarantee about these things, it's that it doesn't matter where you are, there's always one nearby. Open every minute, night and day.

There's something to be said about continuity.

An instant refuge for a ravaged soul. My own personal harem, of sorts.

Where everybody knows your name.

Certainly beats the alternative, or so I'm trying to convince myself.

It's all so familiar… The lighting, the noises, the smell. Even the people look as if I've gathered with them dozens of times before tonight. One wouldn't have guessed that it's been awhile since I've even stepped into one of these places – except I'm pretty sure everyone in this room knows I haven't been around.

Hello, my name is Abby, and I'm new at this.

Well, not quite.

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***

I can't remember the last time my apartment felt this empty. This quiet. This lonely.

And I don't know why it hits me tonight, of all nights. He hasn't spent a night here in almost two weeks. The sheets have been washed. The towels are clean. The only figments that he once made camp here lie behind closed doors. Four of his t-shirts, folded neatly inside a drawer in the armoire. A suit coat, hanging in the closet, a collared shirt – hanging on its own hanger - peaking out from inside it. His favorite after shave sitting on the second shelf in the medicine cabinet. A pair of shoes in the front closet.

His toothbrush still rests next to mine.

Everything else is gone. And I can't quite recall when he came and picked it all up… Because I swear, there used to be more.

And it feels different. This place. It's suddenly… Foreign.

I don't recognize it anymore. Still, I live here. It's my home, like it or not. And apparently, I should like it. Or so my neighbors say. I won't find another place in the city quite like it.

I don't want another place. I just want…

I'm going through the motions, now. Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep. Day in and day out.

Well, except for the waking up and the sleeping part. It's getting harder and harder to come by these days.

He keeps me awake. Memories, images of him. The thought of him flying halfway around the world just because he didn't want to be here. With me.

And I try not to think about the things… The things that might be happening to him. I try to tell myself that my mind is conjuring up these frightening scenarios in an attempt to weaken me. In an attempt to keep me awake. Night after night.

He'll be back. He'll walk through that door, and he'll wrap his arms around you. He'll forgive you, and you'll forgive him.

You'll be happy again, one day.

One day, you'll sleep again.

Right?

I wish I could concur. I really do.

There's something else that has been quietly eluding me lately.

The strength to keep it together.

***

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"Hi."

I glance out of the corner of my eye at the young woman standing next to me. I give a small smile and nod my head.

"Hi."

"My name's Claire." She grins and - much to my horror - sticks out her hand.

I set down the cup of coffee I've been so meticulously preparing and reciprocate the gesture, grasping her palm for the briefest of seconds. "Abby."

"Nice to meet you, Abby. I haven't seen you here before. Is this your first time?"

I pick up the styrofoam incubator and turn around, glancing around the dimly lit hall. "Um, no. Actually..." I laugh a little and shake my head. "I mean, uh… It's my first time at this, um… location. But it's not…" I glance nervously at Claire.

She nods her understanding. "Well, then, we won't make you share…" She smiles demurely, and I frown, not getting it…

"At least, not until the second visit," she adds, chuckling at her own joke. I raise my eyebrows, nodding with mock interest.

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***

She corners me in the lounge.

"You off?"

I yank open my locker and shrug out of my scrub top, trying to look as occupied as I can.

"Looks like it."

Susan sighs heavily and plops down on the couch. "Lucky you."

I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. "Weren't you here when I came in?"

"Argh, don't remind me…"

I shake my head and pull out my purse and jacket, depositing both on the table behind me. "It's not fair… "

"Tell me about - …Wait. What isn't?"

I chew my lip as I scan the contents of my locker, not really looking for anything. "This… Being short two attendings. Even Romano..."

"He's on medical leave."

"I find it hard to believe that the hospital let two senior staff just take off like that."

"They didn't exactly take off, Abby."

"Well, maybe Luka didn't…" I roll my eyes and shut my locker, sighing in frustration.

Susan sits up and regards me with interest. "Come on, Abby. Don't take this out on Carter. He had to go."

I glower at my friend. "No he didn't."

"Abby…"

"No, he didn't." I repeat with emphasis. "He didn't have to go. He wanted to go."

"He didn't say that."

I close my eyes and sigh. "He didn't have to say it."

Susan stares at me for several moments, looking uncomfortable, before taking a deep breath and pushing herself off the couch. She glances out the window and into the ER. Her expression changes slightly as she tries to regain some perk in her voice.

"Why don't I take you out tonight?"

I shake my head sharply at her change of subject. "What?"

"Come on, you and me. We'll grab some dinner, check out a movie."

I look from her, out into the ER, down to my bag and back up at her. "You're working."

She shrugs. "It's slow." A small grin begins to form on her face, and I find it hard to keep my resolve.

What I wouldn't give for an excuse to forget.

The easy way out.

I shake my head, grabbing my bag with one hand and my jacket with another. I push off on my heel and begin to head towards the door. "I don't need a pity date, Susan."

"Come on, Abby…"

I turn around slowly and force myself to meet Susan's stare. "Look, I'm just… Tired. That's all. I just want to go home."

"And sleep?"

I shrug. "Whatever."

She takes a moment to consider this before stepping towards me. Placing a hand on my shoulder, she gives it a squeeze. "We just worry about you."

I raise my eyebrows. "We?"

"We… Me, Chen, Gallant…" She trails off, her head bobbing up and down.

I bite my lip. "Oh, " I sigh again, "Well, you don't need to. I'm fine." I give her a weak smile. "Really."

She regards me closely for several seconds and nods quietly. Releasing the grip on my shoulder, she pushes me slightly backwards towards the door.

"Go, you'll miss your train."

I nod, turning around and opening the door. I pause a final time to face her again. "Night, Susan."

"Goodnight, Abby. And please, get some rest!"

Easier said than done.

***

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"When does it start?"

Claire frowns for a moment, looks at her watch and then towards the front of the room. "Ahh, there's Bruce." She looks back up at me. "It's his turn to open."

I shift my eyes in the direction of the podium where sure enough, a short, middle-aged man is stepping forward. Over the hum of the other members gathered, I can hear him clear his throat. Beside me, Claire sighs with satisfaction and starts to move away from the refreshment table. She stops and twists her head over her shoulder.

"You coming, Abby? There are a few more seats left at the front."

I open my mouth in a moment of panic, and close it promptly. I smile warmly. "Thank you, but I think I'll catch a spot back here."

"You do that. We'll talk later."

I watch her walk towards the front of the room and take a seat near the aisle. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and summon up enough courage to push my own body forward and down into a chair.

"Hi, my name is Bruce…"

Now what?

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***

Pivotal Moment #8: First Kiss

Unexpected. Overwhelming. Emotional.

Comforting.

Hardly perfect, and yet… Oddly appropriate for us.

After all, wasn't that the place where our relationship first started?

County General. A pillar of life and loss. And, for us, even love.

You told me once that romance has little to do with the activity, and more to do with the partner. I believe it now, as I walk through the halls without you. As I look up on the board, hoping to see your name there, or waiting for you to snag me passing by an empty exam room.

The shifts seem twice as long, now that you're not here.

And the nights… The nights are even longer. Lying awake, thinking about where you are and what you're doing, I scare myself with the idea that you might not come back to me. That I'll be left to grieve for that happy ending we never got.

I don't believe in fairytales, John. And I don't think I ever will.

Still, I wish for something sweeter. I pray that you'll come home, safe and sound, and we can start over. Picking up the pieces of our broken hearts. Mending the rifts that have grown between us when we weren't looking.

The small idealist in me is looking for that easy fix. A kiss to make it all better.

The realist says it'll take much more than that. Time. Commitment. Communication.

But I'm willing to work for it. For you, for me. For us.

I think back to that night in Trauma Yellow, when I asked for reassurance. I wanted everything to be all right. We would get through this, just like we'd gotten through everything else. The addictions. The torment. The pain of being apart, when the fates would have it so.

We're no strangers to bad timing, are we? Maybe that will change, someday.

It's not easy for me to be optimistic, and that's not something I can fully explain. Perhaps when we do finally exchange these notebooks, I'll be in a more tranquil place. But for now, it's all I can do not to just give up and give in.

Deep down, I don't believe it all ended the moment you kissed me. The moment I got the one thing I'd yearned for, dreamt about and needed…

You.

I know now that, sometimes, wishes do come true. So maybe I'll get lucky a second time, and have this one granted, too:

The worst of this is over. We're going to be okay.

My love is yours. Always.

Abby.

***

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"So, Abby… What brings you here at this hour of the night?"

"Oh, um…" I check my watch. Almost 3 am. I laugh a little and shake my head, running my fingers though my hair. "I guess I couldn't sleep."

"Ahh… Happens to the best of us."

I laugh. The best of us. "Yeah."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

I glance over at Claire as I contemplate her question for an unusual length of time. Unusual for me, that is.

And for some reason, I realize, I can't brush it aside. Not this time.

"It's complicated, really…"

She shrugs. "Try me."

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***

Oh, it's you. Hi.

I don't know what I was expecting when I looked into the mirror tonight, but I don't think this was it. For this, I hadn't prepared myself for the worst. Go figure.

I really have no idea what to say to the image staring back at me.

Long time, no see?

Welcome back, friend?

Same old, same old?

In the dim light, my reflection haunts me. It's creepy and almost disgusting, yet at the same time, oddly comforting. To realize that I'm only human. That I look about as bad as I feel. Dark circles shade the hollow of my eyes. The lines on my face have somehow become sharper, more exaggerated. My hair hangs in a damp mess around my shoulders, its mix of golden blonde and brown tones looking more muted than ever. I should dye it back, I figure. Get it cut. Change it up.

But I won't. I'll stay like this, even though I've grown tired of it.

I woke up sick of myself, okay, and if you're sick of me, and just all of it, I don't blame you.

I told him I changed, that I was working on turning my life around. I stopped smoking, I stopped drinking. I changed my obligations. To my family. To myself. I sent Eric away, back to Minnesota.

I did the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life, because I wanted my life back.

So why do I feel more out of control than ever?

Why do I feel like I've given up some, only to lose the rest?

I have nothing. Just … this. A picture of a lonely woman standing in front of her bathroom mirror. Withered and bruised.

I want to help you, not because I'm a nice guy, or because I'm worried about you, but because I want to be with you.

I'm not happy. I'm not sleeping. I'm not feeling anything.

I'm without him.

Nothing's right here.

He's right. We've grown. Apart. Sometime between our first kiss and the day he left, we drifted away from one another. We lost sight of the bigger picture. We forgot what we'd been waiting for.

The here and now? Or the everlasting?

One of us knew, and fought a one-sided battle. The other was too afraid to fight.

Or were they?

Wait for me.

I'm here, John. I'm standing right here. I'm waiting. And I'll keep waiting, for as long as I have to.

Until you come back, or until I get the phone call.

My reflection won't change, until then.

***

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I glance around the virtually empty hall. "I should get going… My shift starts in a few hours."

Claire raises her eyebrows in interest. "Oh, yeah? Where do you work?"

"County General…"

"I see." She thinks about this for a second before adding, "I won't tell anyone."

I frown. "What?"

She studies me for another second and smiles. "Never mind."

I stand up and look towards the door first. She rises beside me.

"It was nice meeting you, Abby."

I smile distractedly, my mind already making a hasty exit outside. "Uh, thanks. You too."

"I look forward to seeing you again, soon."

I glance at her. "Umm, well… I don't know about that."

"There's an earlier meeting, you know. At seven."

I tip my head to the side. "Really?"

Claire nods. "Yeah." She smiles again as she leans in lowering her voice. "Just use the side entrance to avoid tripping over the Boy Scouts."

"Ahh…"

"So, will I see you again?"

"Umm…" I glance around the room once more and smile. "Yeah. I think you might."

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***

I'm debating whether or not to ignore my tenacious visitor when her voice filters through the door.

"Come on Abby, it's me.

I shake my head and a moment later open the door to a smiling Susan. I try my best to hide the eye roll.

"Susan." I state flatly. My interest perks a little as I notice the large brown paper bag she's balancing on her hip. "What are you…"

She tips her head to the side. "What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're coming over without an invitation."

Annoyance flashes across her face, and I can see her square her jaw and round her shoulders ever so slightly. "Well, if that's what it looks like…" She pauses for a moment as her expression changes once more. She laughs lightly. "Are you going to let me in?"

I sigh and stare up at the ceiling for a moment. I haven't the strength for this. I shrug and step aside in defeat, waving my free hand in the air to show her the way inside. She smiles again and brushes past me.

She answers my next question before I have a chance to ask it.

"I've got videos and I've got junk food." She calls out, setting the bag on the kitchen table. I close the door and follow her path, stopping a few feet behind her.

"For what?"

"For what, Abby? Geez…" She turns around, comeback ready and stops. She stares at me for several seconds, then turns back to the bag, sifting through it. "I tried calling earlier. Where were you?"

I frown and look around the kitchen for an excuse. "I was, uh… I was out."

"Out?"

"Yes…" I cross my arms over my chest. "Out. Why?"

Susan responds by turning around again, narrowing her eyes and looking me squarely in the eye. I'm unsure really of how to interpret this expression, but I'm given a clue moments later, as her shoulders start to quake. She bursts out with laughter. I shake my head and throw my hands up in the air.

"I give up. Stay." I roll my eyes and trudge over to my friend. "You said you had junk food?"

"Oreos, cheese puffs and ice cream." She reaches into the bag and pulls out two pints of Hagen Daz. "Spoons?"

I nod and pad over to the drawer where the cutlery resides, pulling it open. "What did you rent?"

"Well, I wasn't sure what you would want to watch, so I got 'St. Elmo's Fire'…"

"Ah… We're going old school." I smile with approval.

"… And 'The Bridget Jones Diary'."

My jaw drops open. "You didn't."

Susan shrugs, giggling. "I had to."

I laugh and hand her a spoon, accepting a carton of ice cream in return. "You're something, you know that?"

She tips her head to the side and smiles innocently. "But you love me anyway, right?"

I sigh and shake my head. "Right."

And what would I do without you?

***

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"Hey, Abby… It's great to see you back again."

Claire smiles up at me from her spot in front of the coffee percolator and hands me a cup.

"Did you forget we had a meeting at seven?"

I take her offering, giving a smile of thanks. "Umm, no. I was working. We were pretty busy."

"Really? Wow. You must be exhausted, then."

"Not really," I lie.

"Well, it's no matter now. You're here."

I survey the room as I sip my coffee. "I guess so."

"Would you like to sit up front tonight?"

My eyes dart back to her. "Uh… Maybe not."

"Are you sure?" She scans the rows of chairs. "Not even the third row?"

I bite my lip. "All right."

Claire smiles and leads me up the aisle towards an empty seat. Once I'm settled, she nods with satisfaction and leans over. "I'm glad you came tonight. It's my turn to open."

I raise my eyebrows. "Really? Well, I'm glad I came too, then." I show her what I hope is a genuine smile and watch as she walks up to the front. I purse my lips together and sit back in my chair, staring down at my coffee. I'm not eve aware of the figure sitting next to me until he clears his throat.

"Hey, umm… You were here last night, right?"

I frown and look up at him. "Um, no. Two nights ago."

He nods slowly. "That's right. I thought I recognized you."

I push a piece of hair behind my ears. "Yeah." I blush a little and stick out my hand. "Abby."

He takes it eagerly. "John."

Snap goes my heart. I pull back and close my eyes, nodding. "Hi."

"Is something wrong?"

I open my eyes quickly to look at him, and shake my head. "No, no… I'm sorry. I'm just a little nervous."

"Did you just start the program?"

I look down at my coffee. "Not really." He sends me a questioning look, and I'm forced to elaborate. "More like reconnecting with the cause."

"Ahh… I get it." He sits back in his seat and looks up at the podium. "Don't worry… I've been here for two weeks. It's not so bad." He glances down at me and winks. "Hey, maybe you'll even have fun."

I shrug, smiling. "Maybe."

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***

I open my eyes and roll my head back and forth against the couch cushions. I must have dozed off towards the end of the movie. The television is off now, the room only partially lit by the light of the lamp on the end table. Susan sits beside it, flipping through a magazine. I groan, catching her attention. She sits up and regards me with expectant interest.

"Did you sleep well?" She asks, a bemused smile creeping across her face.

I blink to clear my vision and stretch, coaxing my tired body upwards. "What time is it?"

"Mmm… After midnight."

I frown and look around the darkened apartment. "Why did you let me fall asleep?"

Susan sighs. "Why do you think, Abby? You're exhausted."

I roll my eyes. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You haven't been sleeping, have you?"

She stares at me pointedly, and I can do nothing but avert my eyes.

"I've been busy."

"With what? You work 16 hour shifts, and then you come home."

"That's not true."

"Abby… Have you been drinking?"

I raise my eyes, but still I haven't the guts to look at her. "What did Carter say to you before he left?"

"I don't think that's…"

"No, I think it's got everything to do with anything." I make myself to meet her gaze in a challenge. "He told you to keep an eye on me, didn't he?"

"Abby…" The look on her face gives her away. "He's just worried about you."

I scoff. "So worried he had to trek halfway across the world to separate himself from me. So worried that he'd rather terrify me with the idea of losing him for good than actually be with me." I raise my eyebrows and look at Susan.

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "He loves you. You know that."

I tip my head from side to side and laugh bitterly. "Yeah, well…" Heaving a big sigh, I manage to lift myself up off the couch.

"I know he was going to propose. And I know why he didn't." I begin to circle aimlessly around the room.

"And I know that things just have this way of interfering with our lives."

"Like what?" She asks, twisting around in her spot to watch me.

"Like family. Like Eric and Maggie. Like smallpox and blizzards." I look down at the floor. "Like my drinking. Like boyfriends and…" I look at Susan, "… girlfriends."

She stares at me for a moment, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the expression on her face.

"Say something."

She shakes her head and rises off the couch, meeting me in the middle of the room.

"Do you love him?"

I smile weakly, close my eyes and inhale a shaky breath, nodding.

"Then, go after him."

"How?" I open my eyes and search hers for the answer.

"I think you know."

I nod again and bring a palm up to my cheek, brushing away a few stray tears. "Yeah." I sniffle and manage a warmer smile for her. "Thank you."

She wraps her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight hug. "Anytime," she replies, and I can hear the crack in her voice. Sure enough, when we part, she wipes away her own tears.

"Look at us…" She laughs.

"We're pathetic," I add.

"Not we're not… We're women." Susan takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself. "Now… I think I should go, before John Carter makes us both cry again."

I laugh. "Okay." I watch her as she grabs her coat and shoes, and open the door for her when she's ready.

"I'm glad you came tonight, Susan. Even if you were uninvited."

She grins. "Me too."

"Goodnight."

"Night Abby. And please…"

"… Get some sleep?" I finish, raising an eyebrow.

She nods. "Yes."

I smile. "I will."

I watch her walk down the hallway and to the top of the stairs before closing the door. I sigh and lean against it, closing my eyes.

"I promise."

***

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I approach the now familiar building and check my watch. 6:56 p.m. I glance up above me as another rumble of thunder rolls through the sky, and give a small sigh of relief that I'd made it before the heavens rained down on me.

Just use the side entrance to avoid tripping over the Boy Scouts.

I find my way inside and to the hall, glancing around for the faces I've come to know and get to know. Claire smiles from the front of the room and makes her way towards me moments later, beaming.

"Hey, Abby! You made it!"

I smile at her enthusiasm and laugh. "Yeah, I did."

"Well, isn't this a treat…" Another voice calls up from behind me. "What'cha doing here during waking hours?"

I wave in John's direction. "Would you believe me if I said there wasn't anything good on television?"

He laughs. "Probably."

"We're actually just about to start… It's a little bit crowded in here, though, so…" Claire scans the room, looking for any open chairs.

I take a deep breath. "Actually, Claire… If you don't mind, I was kind of hoping to…" I point towards the podium.

Her eyebrows shoot up and she grins widely. "Really? Oh, that would be terrific." She turns around and quickly heads towards the front of the room, motioning us over. I throw John a look over my shoulder, and he laughs.

"You know you're just another notch on her bedpost, right?" He quips.

He takes his seat in the second row and I travel the last few steps towards the front of the room. Claire's standing beside the podium, beaming. I smile and nod and she scoots off to the side, giving me room. I step up to the lectern, take another deep breath to ease the butterflies in my stomach, and turn around to face my captive audience.

This one's for you, Carter. Wherever you are.

"Hi, my name is Abby, and I'm an alcoholic…"

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***

3:36 am, and I'm wide awake.

It would figure. I've been fighting off sleep for two weeks, and the first time I allow myself to give in to the days upon days of emotional turmoil, I would miss this.

A homecoming.

"Abby?"

His voice is followed by movement in the other room, and I direct my attention towards the doorway. He appears a moment later, clad in only a t-shirt and his boxers, and leans heavily against the frame, rubbing his hand across his stomach in a sleepy motion.

I try not to gasp as I set my sights on him for the first time in a long time. Talk about a sight for sore eyes. He's never looked so tired, so weary, so… Fragile. And yet, so unbelievably sexy.

I'm so glad you're home

"Why are you sitting out here?"

I shrug and look down at my hands. When I draw my head upwards again, he takes it as a cue, stepping into the room. I sit up from my spot on the couch and he hesitates – stopping a few feet away. His eyes are wide suddenly and he looks at me for a signal. I smile a little and nod, pulling the blanket away from my feet. I watch him with acute interest as he eases himself onto the cushion next to me and takes the hem of the sheet, draping it across his lap. A few more seconds pass before I'm able to find my voice.

"When did you get in?"

His gaze is lowered, eyes transfixed on a familiar possession that lies in front of us. "Midnight."

I nod again and purse my lips together in thought. My eyes flicker past the notebook that sits on the table, and towards the clock on the VCR, then back to him.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

His pauses before answering, his hand sneaking across my knees to capture one of mine. He drags it into his lap, lacing his fingers with mine.

"You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to interrupt your dreaming."

A breath catches in my throat as my heart skips a beat.

Oh, John Carter, if you only knew…

"I wouldn't have minded." I look up, locking my gaze with his, and smile. "Really."

The grin that was lurking just beneath his exhausted features finds its way to the surface for a moment, and he sighs heavily. He stares at our entwined hands for several seconds before taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"It's just that -"

"Carter, don't."

He glances up at me. "Don't what?"

I shake my head. "Don't… Don't do this. No excuses, okay? Not tonight."

I don't want to fight. I just want you. Now.

Confusion flickers across his face for the briefest of moments before his face softens and he laughs lightly.

I raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"How do you know that was what I was going to do?" He smiles knowingly.

I bite my lip, trying to suppress my own grin. I shrug. "Three years of experience?"

He responds by dropping my hand, choosing instead to wrap an arm underneath my legs and swing them across his lap. I shift my position on the couch to face him. He settles once more, smoothing the blanket out around the two of us and turning his attention back to me. Instinctively, I reach a hand up to him, gently grazing my fingers over his unshaven cheek.

"So…"

He smiles again and leans over. "So…"

Instinctively, I draw my body forwards stopping only when our faces are mere inches apart. I can feel one of his hands creep around to my back as the other one slides its way up my thigh. Even through layers of cotton and cashmere, his touch is electric. His breath across my skin is doing wonders for my own respiration, as I struggle to steady my heartbeat.

I never thought we'd be this close – ever again.

Where did you go?

"Abby?"

I flick my eyes upwards and find myself staring into two glorious, brown pools of heaven.

What did you see?

He opens his mouth to say something else, but I shake my head and smile. I continue my roam around his face, allowing my fingers a moment or two to linger at the corner of his mouth. He blinks once, twice, as he watches me trace his features. We're captivated.

What did you feel…when you were there?

My fingers travel up the bridge of his nose, across his eyebrows and to his hairline. I draw in a shaky breath as I thread my fingers through his hair, finding that spot on the back of his neck where I know my hands fit perfectly.

Did you think about me?

He leans forward, resting his forehead against my head.

"Abby…"

I lick my lips. My voice is barely above a whisper. "Welcome home."

He manages a low groan and grips my thigh, squeezing it a few times before sliding it up my body to cup my cheek.

"God, I missed you."

I laugh lightly, and I'm sure the tears in my eyes mirror the glisten in his. "Good."

He draws a line across my jaw. "I should have woken you up."

I roll my eyes playfully. "I'm awake now."

"Are you sure?"

I think for a moment and smile. "Well, if I'm not, this is some kind of cruel dream…"

It's his turn to chuckle, and I swear, it's the sweetest sound I've heard in four weeks. I lean into his embrace, my hands tightening their hold on his neck.

Don't let go.

"John?"

He closes his eyes, a content smile playing across his lips. "Hmm?"

"Tell me about Africa?"

His smile fades as his eyes open, and he pulls away a moment later, looking away. His movements throw me, and I frown in confusion.

"What is it?"

He glances over at me, and then down at the blanket. "Not now."

I watch him for several seconds before sighing. "Fine." I sit back against the side of the couch and stare down at my hands.

He shifts towards me again, and I fight the urge to follow his lead. A hand drops down on my own.

"I'm just… tired and… not ready yet."

I bring my gaze upwards to meet his. His eyes plead for understanding. I bite my lip and nod quietly. He flashes me a look of gratitude and settles back against the cushions.

We sit there in silence for a few moments, once again wrapped up in our separate thoughts, worlds.

For one more night only, I vow.

I move first, lifting my legs from their perch across his lap. He watches as I stand and pick the blanket up, tossing it towards the other end of the couch.

"I'm going back to bed."

He stares up at me. "Want some company?"

I offer my hand out to him. "I was hoping…"

He smiles and takes it gladly, giving it a squeeze. As he rises off the couch slowly, his eyes once more fall on my journal lying on the coffee table. I squeeze his hand again to regain his attention, wink in his direction and turn around, leading us both back into the bedroom.

He pauses in the doorway, pulling me backwards into his chest. I sigh as his arms slip around my waist and his lips graze past my ear.

"Been doing a little writing?" He whispers before dropping his mouth to my shoulder, leaving his mark.

I bite my lip and smile. "Maybe a little…"

"Hmm…" He raises his head again, kissing me softly on the cheek. "You'll have to show me someday…"

I twist around in his arms and gaze up at him.

"Well…" I smile coyly as I draw a line up his arm to his shoulder. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours..."

Before he can respond, I snake one hand around his neck while the other one grabs the front of his t-shirt, dragging him down to my level. My mouth finds his an instant later. He responds to the kiss immediately, grasping my hips, pulling me towards him. My tongue, seemingly on a mission of its own, gropes for an invitation, and when he complies, a newfound passion surges through the both of us, threatening to knock us off our feet if we're not careful.

But we are, and so we pull apart a moment later.

We're still too raw for anything more.

"I missed you, too. So much."

And I know that the journey isn't over yet.

Here we are again.

***

Reflections, FINITO

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