Disclaimer: Characters are property of Watase Yuu-san, blah blah. You should know the drill by now ^^
Yuuhi quickly made his decision as he wound his fingers around Aya's wrist, pulling her back.
"Yuuhi?"
"This time... let me bring Miku out."
A sense of surprise passed through Aya's mind. "You want to bring Miku out?"
"That's what I said, isn't it?"
'Why does he suddenly want to bring her to me? I know that they have an unusually strong bond... even though Yuuhi isn't her father or anything.... But why do I feel as if this time, his intention is... different?'
Aya nodded in agreement. "I don't see... why not."
"Arigato," he said under his breath.
"For what?"
"Nothing...."
Yuuhi walked into Aya's room in painfully slow steps. He lifted Miku into his arms and cradled her gently. She always managed to bring a smile to his face with her childish smile. 'I suppose children are SUPPOSED to be... childish,' he though ammusedly. 'Even though you're not really my child... I love you as though you were my own. Even if you are partly Tooya's child... that doesn't change the way I feel for you in the least. Because... no matter what, you'll always be Aya's child as well... and I will forever love Aya. Even if my love can't be--won't be requited, it makes no difference to me. Aya is special, and she will always have my heart.'
Aya peered into her room to witness the event, careful not to make a peep.
Yuuhi softly tickled the young girl, causing squeals of happiness to escape from her small lips. Yuuhi also smiled, accompanying the girl's blissful state. After a few moments of giggling, Miku lifted up her small hands to Yuuhi's face, a happy smile engraved on her face. She hugged his chest and closed her eyes, nuzzling against him. "Papa."
Aya gasped. "Miku.... What did you say...? Miku...."
"Aya!?" the sound of her gasp had caused Yuuhi to figure out that Aya had seen and heard the whole thing.
Aya looked into her daughter's velvet eyes. "Miku! What did you say!?"
"Aya!" Yuuhi set Miku down and clutched Aya by the shoulders, trying to calm her down.
"This man isn't your father!!!" she screamed.
Miku looked up at her mother in confusion and fear. "Mama?"
Aya slowly fell to her knees, hugging herself. "Yuuhi isn't your father! He will never be your father, Miku!"
Yuuhi felt as though a sword had been plunged deep into his chest. A sword which was wielded by his beloved Aya. 'It's true.... No matter how much I try and kid myself, I will never be this girl's father.'
Miku flung her arms around her mother, hugging her tightly. She sensed her mother's pain. "Mama!"
Tears spilled down Aya's face. Yuuhi stooped down to his knees and placed his hand under Aya's chin, forcing her to look up at him. "You're right, I can never be her father."
Aya instantly stopped crying and looked up at Yuuhi.
"No matter HOW much I kid myself! No matter HOW much I wish for it! Miku will never be my real daughter!"
"Yuuhi...."
"How do you think that makes me feel!? Do you know how much I hurt? Do you even care!?"
"What... are you saying, Yuuhi?"
"I'm saying that I would have never left you like he did! I love you, even now! And I'm here for you, Aya! I'm here for YOU! Why can't you acknowledge that?" Yuuhi was no longer in control of his speech or actions. "He was wrong for leaving you! But I would NEVER leave you, Aya. Because I TRULY love you! I said that to you before didn't I!?"
He swiftly leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. Her eyes widened in shock as she attempted to push him back. Her attempt was in vain, however, for he was still much too strong for her to overpower. Finally, she managed to pull away from his grasp.
"What do you think you're doing!?" she screamed squeezing her eyes shut.
"Aya! I know that you will probably love me back as I love you now; as I have always loved you. But it doesn't matter to me. As long as I know where my feelings stand... it doesn't matter...." his feeling of resentment for Tooya began to flood his heart. "I really hate Tooya. Do you want to know why?"
"..."
"Because that bastard left you. He said that you'd be happy, didn't he? He vowed that he'd never make you cry ever again! That fuckin' bastard lied to you! To me! Look at you, Aya! You're miserable! Because of him, your soul is dying!"
//SLAP//
Anger flowed through every nerve of Aya's body. "How can you say that!? What did you know about Tooya!?"
Warm tears slid down Miku's face as she tugged at the hem of Aya's dress. "Mama, stop...." The young child didn't like this. She didn't like this at all.
"You never knew him like I did!" she closed her eyes and balled her hands into fists. "Tooya... and Aki...."
"Aya...."
"How could you understand!? You've never lost someone whom you held dear to your heart!" her eyes shot open and she found herself wishing that she could take back her words.
"I've never lost anyone that I held dear to me...?"
"Yuuhi.... I didn't mean--" her sentence was cut off by Yuuhi's next comment.
"Then the death of Chidori was for nothing, ne? Do you think that you're the only person that lost a loved one in that STUPID search for the hagoromo?"
It was now Aya's turn to comfort Yuuhi. She gently placed her hand on Yuuhi's arm. "Gomen.... I don't know what caused me to say that.... I'm not the only one that lost someone they loved. In a way, we all lost someone important to us."
Yuuhi carefully looked up at her with sad eyes. "Was Tooya THAT important to you? Is it so impossible for you to forget about him and move on with your life?"
Aya silently looked downward, wordless. She finally spoke, her voice filled with both pain and understanding. "He was important to me. So important.... Even though I knew that he had to die.... Even though I knew that we couldn't BE a 'happy' family.... I still wished.... And for a while, I think we were happy...."
Her eyes began to glisten with determination, "No, we WERE happy. That's why I never wanted for that life to end. For a while, I naively believed in it. Believed that my fairy tale life would never come to an end. That was foolish of me, wasn't it...?"
Yuuhi frowned and faced the ceiling, "Of course not. Wanting to live a carefree life, that's normal. How could I find that strange? It was what I wanted as well... It's what we all wanted...."
Aya's thoughts whirled in her mind. She thought of all the lives which had been lost due to her selfishness. "Chidori... Miori... Otousan... Aki... A...ki...." she choked out.
"They're all gone. Dead because of ME! If I had thought even for a second that my death would have allowed them to go on with THEIR lives, I would gladly have died!"
Yuuhi stumbled backward. He hadn't expected such an outburst. What had gotten into her all of a sudden? What did she _mean_?
"Don't you understand how guilty I feel!?" she cried turning her back toward him.
"What are you TALKING about?" he demanded placing his hand on her shoulder.
"... I would have DIED for them.... But Tooya... I wanted to live for Tooya! So that I could see him again! I would have done and given anything to know that he was all right! To know what he was thinking.... To know what he was FEELING. That's why I lived. I knew that if I had just died, Ceres wouldn't be able to use my body to complete her will! I was so selfish and stupid!"
"You're wrong! If you had died, I--" he stopped himself from continuing any further. This wasn't about him.
Aya kneeled down and grasped her daughter, dragging her closer to her own self. Miku returned the embrace, her desperate wails, now calm.
***
"He's dying...? No, it's not TRUE! Shut up!!!" Aya cried squeezing her eyes shut as she ran out of the room, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She ran until her legs would no longer carry her. Before she knew it, she had run outside, to be in the presense of the sea. She collapsed unto the soft sand with a quiet 'thud'.
'Dying? Tooya... dying? Haha, ludicrous! That's impossible! What an utterly foolish thing to say! Yuuhi... baka... Why did you have to say that.... Why did you say something like that.... Why!!' Aya's mind screamed for answers.
She looked over the beauty of the tan shores, savoring the sight of the deep cerulean waters as they washed over the sand. The sea brought her the tiniest hint of comfort. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of the sea. The gentle breeze dried up her tears, only to be once again replaced. She gathered her legs and placed her head on her lap.
"Aya!!!" Yuuhi called her, running over to her side.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"..."
"Tooya, Miku, and I used to come here every single afternoon just before the sun set.... We'd watch it together, just the three of us...."
"... Aya...."
She smiled as she buried her head deeper into her lap. She cocked her head to the side to face Yuuhi.
"I'm being stupid.... Using past tense.... "Used to".... No, not used to. We always have... we always will..."
Yuuhi remained silent as the wrenching pain in his chest only increased with every word that Aya breathed. Her illusions which were blinding her from reality--the truth that Tooya could no longer live much longer--was killing her. And it was killing him as well.
"Always...."
AU: Whatever, this was yet another one of my short chapters. I could have extended it, but if I did, I would probably have gotten bored and just not finished it x.x Just be glad I got this far, seeing as I'm dealing with a lotta homework and etc. right now.
Yuuhi quickly made his decision as he wound his fingers around Aya's wrist, pulling her back.
"Yuuhi?"
"This time... let me bring Miku out."
A sense of surprise passed through Aya's mind. "You want to bring Miku out?"
"That's what I said, isn't it?"
'Why does he suddenly want to bring her to me? I know that they have an unusually strong bond... even though Yuuhi isn't her father or anything.... But why do I feel as if this time, his intention is... different?'
Aya nodded in agreement. "I don't see... why not."
"Arigato," he said under his breath.
"For what?"
"Nothing...."
Yuuhi walked into Aya's room in painfully slow steps. He lifted Miku into his arms and cradled her gently. She always managed to bring a smile to his face with her childish smile. 'I suppose children are SUPPOSED to be... childish,' he though ammusedly. 'Even though you're not really my child... I love you as though you were my own. Even if you are partly Tooya's child... that doesn't change the way I feel for you in the least. Because... no matter what, you'll always be Aya's child as well... and I will forever love Aya. Even if my love can't be--won't be requited, it makes no difference to me. Aya is special, and she will always have my heart.'
Aya peered into her room to witness the event, careful not to make a peep.
Yuuhi softly tickled the young girl, causing squeals of happiness to escape from her small lips. Yuuhi also smiled, accompanying the girl's blissful state. After a few moments of giggling, Miku lifted up her small hands to Yuuhi's face, a happy smile engraved on her face. She hugged his chest and closed her eyes, nuzzling against him. "Papa."
Aya gasped. "Miku.... What did you say...? Miku...."
"Aya!?" the sound of her gasp had caused Yuuhi to figure out that Aya had seen and heard the whole thing.
Aya looked into her daughter's velvet eyes. "Miku! What did you say!?"
"Aya!" Yuuhi set Miku down and clutched Aya by the shoulders, trying to calm her down.
"This man isn't your father!!!" she screamed.
Miku looked up at her mother in confusion and fear. "Mama?"
Aya slowly fell to her knees, hugging herself. "Yuuhi isn't your father! He will never be your father, Miku!"
Yuuhi felt as though a sword had been plunged deep into his chest. A sword which was wielded by his beloved Aya. 'It's true.... No matter how much I try and kid myself, I will never be this girl's father.'
Miku flung her arms around her mother, hugging her tightly. She sensed her mother's pain. "Mama!"
Tears spilled down Aya's face. Yuuhi stooped down to his knees and placed his hand under Aya's chin, forcing her to look up at him. "You're right, I can never be her father."
Aya instantly stopped crying and looked up at Yuuhi.
"No matter HOW much I kid myself! No matter HOW much I wish for it! Miku will never be my real daughter!"
"Yuuhi...."
"How do you think that makes me feel!? Do you know how much I hurt? Do you even care!?"
"What... are you saying, Yuuhi?"
"I'm saying that I would have never left you like he did! I love you, even now! And I'm here for you, Aya! I'm here for YOU! Why can't you acknowledge that?" Yuuhi was no longer in control of his speech or actions. "He was wrong for leaving you! But I would NEVER leave you, Aya. Because I TRULY love you! I said that to you before didn't I!?"
He swiftly leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. Her eyes widened in shock as she attempted to push him back. Her attempt was in vain, however, for he was still much too strong for her to overpower. Finally, she managed to pull away from his grasp.
"What do you think you're doing!?" she screamed squeezing her eyes shut.
"Aya! I know that you will probably love me back as I love you now; as I have always loved you. But it doesn't matter to me. As long as I know where my feelings stand... it doesn't matter...." his feeling of resentment for Tooya began to flood his heart. "I really hate Tooya. Do you want to know why?"
"..."
"Because that bastard left you. He said that you'd be happy, didn't he? He vowed that he'd never make you cry ever again! That fuckin' bastard lied to you! To me! Look at you, Aya! You're miserable! Because of him, your soul is dying!"
//SLAP//
Anger flowed through every nerve of Aya's body. "How can you say that!? What did you know about Tooya!?"
Warm tears slid down Miku's face as she tugged at the hem of Aya's dress. "Mama, stop...." The young child didn't like this. She didn't like this at all.
"You never knew him like I did!" she closed her eyes and balled her hands into fists. "Tooya... and Aki...."
"Aya...."
"How could you understand!? You've never lost someone whom you held dear to your heart!" her eyes shot open and she found herself wishing that she could take back her words.
"I've never lost anyone that I held dear to me...?"
"Yuuhi.... I didn't mean--" her sentence was cut off by Yuuhi's next comment.
"Then the death of Chidori was for nothing, ne? Do you think that you're the only person that lost a loved one in that STUPID search for the hagoromo?"
It was now Aya's turn to comfort Yuuhi. She gently placed her hand on Yuuhi's arm. "Gomen.... I don't know what caused me to say that.... I'm not the only one that lost someone they loved. In a way, we all lost someone important to us."
Yuuhi carefully looked up at her with sad eyes. "Was Tooya THAT important to you? Is it so impossible for you to forget about him and move on with your life?"
Aya silently looked downward, wordless. She finally spoke, her voice filled with both pain and understanding. "He was important to me. So important.... Even though I knew that he had to die.... Even though I knew that we couldn't BE a 'happy' family.... I still wished.... And for a while, I think we were happy...."
Her eyes began to glisten with determination, "No, we WERE happy. That's why I never wanted for that life to end. For a while, I naively believed in it. Believed that my fairy tale life would never come to an end. That was foolish of me, wasn't it...?"
Yuuhi frowned and faced the ceiling, "Of course not. Wanting to live a carefree life, that's normal. How could I find that strange? It was what I wanted as well... It's what we all wanted...."
Aya's thoughts whirled in her mind. She thought of all the lives which had been lost due to her selfishness. "Chidori... Miori... Otousan... Aki... A...ki...." she choked out.
"They're all gone. Dead because of ME! If I had thought even for a second that my death would have allowed them to go on with THEIR lives, I would gladly have died!"
Yuuhi stumbled backward. He hadn't expected such an outburst. What had gotten into her all of a sudden? What did she _mean_?
"Don't you understand how guilty I feel!?" she cried turning her back toward him.
"What are you TALKING about?" he demanded placing his hand on her shoulder.
"... I would have DIED for them.... But Tooya... I wanted to live for Tooya! So that I could see him again! I would have done and given anything to know that he was all right! To know what he was thinking.... To know what he was FEELING. That's why I lived. I knew that if I had just died, Ceres wouldn't be able to use my body to complete her will! I was so selfish and stupid!"
"You're wrong! If you had died, I--" he stopped himself from continuing any further. This wasn't about him.
Aya kneeled down and grasped her daughter, dragging her closer to her own self. Miku returned the embrace, her desperate wails, now calm.
***
"He's dying...? No, it's not TRUE! Shut up!!!" Aya cried squeezing her eyes shut as she ran out of the room, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She ran until her legs would no longer carry her. Before she knew it, she had run outside, to be in the presense of the sea. She collapsed unto the soft sand with a quiet 'thud'.
'Dying? Tooya... dying? Haha, ludicrous! That's impossible! What an utterly foolish thing to say! Yuuhi... baka... Why did you have to say that.... Why did you say something like that.... Why!!' Aya's mind screamed for answers.
She looked over the beauty of the tan shores, savoring the sight of the deep cerulean waters as they washed over the sand. The sea brought her the tiniest hint of comfort. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of the sea. The gentle breeze dried up her tears, only to be once again replaced. She gathered her legs and placed her head on her lap.
"Aya!!!" Yuuhi called her, running over to her side.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"..."
"Tooya, Miku, and I used to come here every single afternoon just before the sun set.... We'd watch it together, just the three of us...."
"... Aya...."
She smiled as she buried her head deeper into her lap. She cocked her head to the side to face Yuuhi.
"I'm being stupid.... Using past tense.... "Used to".... No, not used to. We always have... we always will..."
Yuuhi remained silent as the wrenching pain in his chest only increased with every word that Aya breathed. Her illusions which were blinding her from reality--the truth that Tooya could no longer live much longer--was killing her. And it was killing him as well.
"Always...."
AU: Whatever, this was yet another one of my short chapters. I could have extended it, but if I did, I would probably have gotten bored and just not finished it x.x Just be glad I got this far, seeing as I'm dealing with a lotta homework and etc. right now.